Dylan and his classmates, upon graduation from Miskatonic High, find themselves in a land of broken kingdoms, strange magics, and overrun with deadly threats. They must band together to survive, or be devoured separately.
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| Leecifer | 2 |
Do you plan to post this on royal road? The SFW forum gets a fifth of the traction, at best, as NSFW, so you're not likely going to get many eyes here.
Though from what I here of RR, it's its own type of rat race that I don't think monthly updates are gonna help with, but you will probably get more readers over there.
As for feedback, I can tell your putting a lot of quality in this, lots of subtle details and foreshadowing. My only concern is the character bloat, and I just hope we get enough attention put on relevant characters.
That was a pretty big gripe I had with abbadon borne, as there was a lot of what felt like wasted time building up characters that ended up being irrelevant, like mouse protector and squealer.
Well that was a quick turn around. Good job on telling me enough about these characters to find points of dislike about them already! It will make the coming trials and character development all the more satisfying, and make me feel all the worse for those already endearing themselves to me."Magic isn't real," Kristen scoffed.
The black boy blinked, then gestured to the glowing crystal in the center of their gear, then where the circle of gym floor seemed merged with the ground, then at Sam.
"Holy shit magic's real," Kristen declared.
Ah, the hunger games. Unfortunately this is not a pure dystopia. There are other trials at hand than simple 'Lord of the flies'-isim."I've seen The Starving Trials! I know how this works!" Scott declared. "Thirteen of us! Weapons in the middle! We're gonna be forced to fight to survive! Well, well you won't get me!"
Pale Lights had a similar situation early in it's first book, with a lot of characters to introduce that weren't destined to be around too long. Chapters 3-5 especially read a lot like the first act of a murder mystery with the number of expendables we learn of. This story seems to be starting in a similar place, but as it stands its difficult to keep track of who's who. I expect this to not be an issue later on, but right now it's a lot of names with few details to hang them on. Learning a bit more about the characters now will make their no-doubt comically horrific ends be that much more meaningful!As for character bloat, well, we're already down one, and characters will get developed, though this is planned book 1 of a series, not a standalone novel. There is a decent sized cast, but there's a definite main character, and unlike AB I have a much firmer plan for where things are going.