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I just noticed the autocorrect changed the original Targ family into target. lol. But I like how curious and excited Dany is, which is actually incredibly canon before her brother started going nuts and abusing her. Kind of nice seeing a little Bizarro world where she can be hyper and happy. I like how the younger sister, not bothering even trying to spell her name.
Kept correcting her or re-explaining something right after she says something. It's such a younger sibling thing to do, and it ties in with how in some ways the younger one is a little more mature if a little arrogant. Kind of nicely setting up the twos personality and dynamic despite the fact their both still pretty young all things considered.
Very regal and Gandalf like. I saw what you did there with the dragon glass pipe. lol. But I like how he's actually kind of quiet and thoughtful. He's seems very careful on what words he says and doesn't say.
Bess is a slut. lol. But she has enough self awareness and control to understand not to just shag up with anything that moves, but instead pick someone that'll take care of her and their kids, and also someone that won't stand in the way of her goals and dreams. But she's definitely the kind of girl to get mind broken into a mindless cow if she's not careful.
What do you think of her merchant smarts and her personality as a character outside of porn?
Honestly she's not going to get mind broken. Bastard's Glory in contrast to Frozen Dream is less porny in logic.
Like I said a remarkable amount of self control and awareness contrasted nicely with someone who knows if she lets herself indulge she knows she'll go nuts with it.
It's nice to see her acting more diplomatic and I like how the freefolk she was meeting with clearly wanted a deal as much as Ygritte did but was playing hard to get to earn some more concessions. It's a hard balance to write, but you wrote it well.
Definitely more depth in some ways, yours feels a lot more humans than the murder rapes machine George wrote, but something he did a little bit better is really emphasis how bitter wilding rivalries could become. Not just with Kneelers and the wall, but how you had certain tribes that were waging wars of literal genocide against each other. Helped emphasis how difficult a king beyond the wall was.
I'll keep the tribal wars in mind for Jackal. I like with the Dothraki did not like how Martin did the fur covered savages bit. Why don't the Wildlings have tech adapted to their living conditions? Where's the social structure even if it isn't a formal government. This man be using outdated sterotypes too much
And if you research the Mongols you understand how lame the Dothraki are in comparison. One blog has this really funny bit where it mentions how the Dohtraki killing sheep and having no herds besides horses is nuts for managing a food supply
How killing horses undermines how expensive and important they are to travel and warfare and how a nomadic society like that doesn't like to kill horses. Both for cultural and economic reasons