Questionable Questing

I liked the lines about blood sausage and how it was becoming a regional speciality as well as how she wistfully remembers the warmth of the sun, some nice tiny bits of world building.

https://uberpie.itch.io/taffy-tales-redux-season-1 This is Taffy Tales. It really doesn't do anything fantastic with the inner hyde premise

The warmth of the sun was me and the blood sausage jackal

School shooting ending.

Not watching. This VN has its good points but the underlying themes are toxic.

Lol. Now you've just tempted me to write a fanfic of it, so you have to read it.

Your on Mark. As for a fanfic, make it college and I'll be honest, redo a lot of characters as the incel cyncism is poisonous. Taffy Tales I bring up because it has the main character be like Jeffery but without the stalker bits. Timid, dorky, socially awkward, unable to act.

Enter Red, the inner Hyde who plots and enacts mind fuck schemes to get him a harem of bitches. But Red is an asshole, funny one like Nicole, but he has a friend of his femboyed while fucking the girl he's having pretend to like him.

Femboy best friend, I like the sound of that. But no if I was going to do a class of 09 fanfic, I would probably make Nichole transgender. lol. Which probably sounds really random, but it's a way to make her extreme hatred of men more understandable. Because like I said when all the dudes or evil, being evil back is fine. But if you make them 3D characters, suddenly being evil to them isn't as funny.

But I don't want to take away Nichole's trademark evil bitchiness since that's the core of her character. But by making her transgender, her hatred of men is a reflection of the hatred she feels towards herself and since her arc center's around discovering herself and learning to be a better person, her discovering girlhood and being comfortable in her own body nicely fits all that.

And powers or something else? Got to have some action, some spice to layer on top of things so it isn't just real life bullshit

Well going with the same themes and ideas I would either do some kind of bimbofication spell or some kind of drug for obvious thematic reasons, or I would play around with the idea of a time loop. Give the old ground hog day special so to speak, of Nichole slowly becoming a better person as she's forced to relive the year 09 a million times using the lack of consequences as an excuse for crazy hijinks.

Jeffery you want the hyde dark side thing or something else?

Jeffery would remain the geeky side character to be picked on, but I would give him his own mini arc and maybe a girlfriend or something. Maybe have him and Nicole have a real little heart to heart about the pressure of being pretty and being lonely.

But Mark first. One project at a time

Of course. Of course. I'm actually struggling with Mark a little bit. Just not liking how the beginning is working out. Just so much lore dumping that's stupidly essential considering I have to make a realistic DC universe with Viltrum inhabiting it. Which is cool, world building is fun for me. But it's finding ways to transmit all that info to the readers in a in-character way I'm struggling with.

Do it over many chapters. That's what Pale Lights did. Worldbuilding not all at once but through the events of chapter after chapter. Start small, work your way through

That's what I'm thinking, it's just a pain you know? I don't like how much it sounds like my Hazbin chapter at times.

But you going to sleep soon?

Your Hazbin chapter had character voice issues with the dialogue and spotty scene focus. What do you need to introduce to your readers as the very first concepts in the very first chapter only