Questionable Questing

Would have been great. Instead now here I am with the we can be great long term friends text here and there bullshit and not knowing if I even get a friend out of this fucking blackhole

It's been over a decade at this point and while I had some rough years afterwards, going through some stuff to get through it. As cliche as it sounds it did make me who I am, and considering where I ended up I wouldn't change it. Well I would change a little, but then again so much was just out of my control and a lot of the adults at the time in my life made some pretty big mistakes.

I formed a desire for her in particular and this escapade reinforces I should be above else focused on my prospects and treat every girl as not reliable. No point in trying to guess feelings.

It seems to have made you a creative writer and interesting person

I mean I'm not going to sit here and say I was a good boy who did nothing wrong, but it was just bad timing. To make a long story short, I was getting bullied in high school pretty badly and I threatened one. And around the time I did that, was also around the time of that one school shooting in Parkland by someone with Autism. Which is funny enough I was also diagnosed with it around then too.

So police got involved, a bunch of specialists, and court orders started flying around, and I had to go somewhere or become a ward of the state. But the place they chose, let's just say my parents ignored and would continue to ignore a lot of red flags for many years. Partially because finding somewhere else with my background was impossible and because they liked me away.

But back to what your stuff. Don't be worried how your friendship will evolve around her. Without the pressure of wanting to sleep with her, as long as you have the self respect not to be her plan B or trick yourself into thinking if you simp hard enough she'll date you, the relationship will figure itself out pretty quickly. if she's genuinely fun and interesting you'll stay. If not, you'll leave.

No more pussy pass basically. Since when we're attracted to someone, it kind of acts like blinders to a lot of negative or shitty behavior.

Dude I like her now. That's just a fact. I hate it. Because I liked it.

Your parents sound terrible

As for bullies my ethos on that is very you beat them till they fear you more than god

My parents were pretty bad too be honest for a while. But they're paying pretty badly for it now, all things considered. Life hurt them more than anything I could ever say to them. Plus also after my sister died, me and the rest of my siblings kind of promised we would all try to make peace for her sake.

I don't hang out with them or ask them for anything if I need help. But I try to call on major holidays and just keep in the loop if they're doing alright. Which I never wanted to be honest, for our relationship to just be a couple phone calls a year, but sometimes that's the best your going to get for everyone involved.

Fuck making peace. They sound like worthless dicks

It's hard to stay mad when my stepmom is legitimately crazy. And I mean legitimately. I don't know what her exact reasons are, but I've seen her rewrite entire memories and relationships multiple times over a couple of days. And she believes it so hard, that she convinces herself that's what really happened. I used to get so angry, because there were times where I knew I was in the right.

But arguing with someone like that is stupid because your not going to convince them of anything. You're talking to a brick wall, that can and will rewrite entire chunks of her life. And my dad, he's just so pussy whipped that he would literally ruin his relationship with multiple of his kids and family just so he can stay married to this crazy person.

Is she even that fuckable. And I am getting in shower and than bed to prepare for gym in morning

At a certain point all my anger and frustration turned into pity. They can't change. they won't change. And they will forever be chasing some nebulous problems they can never fully fix because they aren't strong enough to even acknowledge them.

No she's not good looking at all. She's not ugly, but she's kind of chunky and a little plain looking.

Editing tonight. Musing on how shared interests, laughing, talking, wanting another date, texting daily, it means nothing. There is no romantic value. Its all lies. No wonder the Altright and Tate win