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  1. [RWBY] RWBY Shorts

    ...Jaune being trained by Agravain. He'd be the best damn bureaucrat and manager around. He'd also pick up another famous trait of Agravain's. Jinn: *reveals Ozma's backstory* Jaune: *throws up his hands* "Of course, it was a woman who ruined it for the rest of us. Why am I not surprised?"...

  2. [RWBY] RWBY Shorts
    Threadmarks: Victory

    *The Fall of Beacon* *Yang's unconscious. Jaune is all that stands between Blake and Adam.* Jaune: "Adam Taurus! You just want Blake for vengeance, all to fulfill your own sick desires!" Adam: *scoffing* "You're a fool, human. Blake hides her guilt and her cowardice beneath a veneer of...

  3. [RWBY] RWBY Shorts

    Pyrrha was certainly Jaune's mentor, but outside of fanon Goodwitch was Generic Hot Strict Teacher.

  4. [RWBY] RWBY Shorts

    ...nice and the naughty, and when she finds someone naughty she tells on them to the Krampus so she can take their presents all for herself!" Kids: *gasp* Weiss: "What?!" Jaune: *muttering* "Nobody tells Nora the Easter Bunny isn't real and gets away with it." Ruby: *horrified gasp* "Weiss is...

  5. [RWBY] RWBY Shorts

    Ozpin takes one look at this, recognizes the narrative tropes at play, and realizes this is just going to end up with the Main Character at another Academy while setting Beacon as the Rival School. The solution is to lean into Narrative Tropes and become the Hidden Mysterious Mentor! Ozpin...

  6. [RWBY] RWBY Shorts

    Everyone finds out that Whitley built a hugging machine. Nobody knows what to think when Ruby and Jaune make liberal use of it too. Ren: "...Out of curiosity, what else did you build?" Whitley: "A machine to tuck me in at night and make hot cocoa, a machine to tell me 'good job, bro', a...

  7. [RWBY] RWBY Shorts

    Having only been exposed to corporate Aslanmas events, Weiss is thoroughly unprepared for a proper chaotic family Aslanmas. Weiss: *tilts head* "Presents? You mean...actual presents? That's actually a thing? I thought that was a myth, like getting a pony for your birthday." Nicholas: "Pony...

  8. [RWBY] RWBY Shorts

    All this needs is Raven bragging that her own corvid kids are superior to Yang.

  9. [RWBY] RWBY Shorts

    ...complete lack of any marketable skillset that did it in. Weiss never really got over Winter hooking up with her, ugh, Knight Daddy either." Weiss: *pale* Whitley: "And Xiao-Long needed therapy from day one. Who goes on a drunken rampage of destruction just because they had a break-up? She had...

  10. [RWBY] RWBY Shorts

    ...learn that Whitley's rebuilt the family fortune by going into the writing business. Weiss: "Whitley: A Spare's Tale?! What is this dreck?!" Yang: *reading the reviews* "A giant rollercoaster of a novel in four hundred sizzling chapters. A searing indictment of the lives and families of the...

  11. [RWBY] RWBY Shorts

    ...without looking up from his sandwich. Isabel: "Ebbeh - abbuh - awuh?" Jaune: "Oh, that? Just a little trick I picked up. No biggie." Yang: *staring at her reattached arm* *whimpers* Jaune: "Oh, right, I forgot, we don't have regenerative and resurrection magic here." Pyrrha: *panting...

  12. [RWBY] RWBY Shorts

    ...born of her abandonment issues and the desperate need to fix people to keep them close, all because she heard about it second-hand. Or Blake desperate to prove that she's real. Blake: *yanking her top up* "THERE! Are you going to say these aren't real either?!" Jaune: *sighs* "I miss Katy."

  13. [RWBY] RWBY Shorts

    ...whenever you think about her. Does that sound like an actual person, or a YA protagonist?" Adam: "YOU LIE...huh...oh wow, that's wild..." Jaune: *tsks* "See? You even ignored a Schnee to go hunt after this supposed 'Blake' person; a Schnee on her team, no less." Adam: "So...I'm crazy?" Jaune...

  14. [RWBY] RWBY Shorts

    Many fics have Jaune being a knight/paladin/holy warrior equivalent, so let's play with that: Jaune prays before every fight and mission, and the gods actually answer. Against non-Grimm enemies, he calls on the Brother of Darkness; against the Grimm, the Brother of Light answers; against the...

  15. [RWBY] RWBY Shorts

    *Pyrrha walks out in a tiger-fur bikini top and loincloth, complete with tooth-necklace* Yang: *looks at her own tiny fur one piece dress and glares* "Oh it is on, cereal girl." Pyrrha: "Bring it, blondie."

  16. [RWBY] RWBY Shorts

    Jaune going full Tarzan in the dinosaur sanctuary would be hilarious. Imagine him having a full Tarzin-esque treehouse somewhere in the jungle and walking around in a loincloth and spear.

  17. [RWBY] RWBY Shorts

    Yang, desperately trying to outswim the 80 ft. mosasaur: "I take it back! I TAKE IT BACK!" Jaune, playing with said mosasaur's pups: "Food chain, Yang. No backsies." So, if Yang grows attached to a dinosaur, will her abandonment issues come into play? Will Blake ever try dinosaur omelette or...

  18. [RWBY] RWBY Shorts

    ...Ra and his defenders - and that's also true. Ozpin: "She has taken many names over the years - the Nightmare Queen, the Dark Mother-" Sakura: *teacup shatters* "Ara? Please, go ON-" Ozpin: "Her goal is destruction-" *A blue-skinned four-armed woman superimposes herself over Jaune's...

  19. [RWBY] RWBY Shorts
    Threadmarks: Damn you Salem!

    ...Branwen's daughter started? It was me, Ruby Rose! I went to Patch, shapeshifted into a nosy old biddy, and mentioned it during bridge night!" Ruby: *recoils* Salem: "And that time when you were thirteen and thought you wet the bed? The one your sister wouldn't stop teasing you for weeks...

  20. [RWBY] RWBY Shorts

    ...to herself. Not that Yang has noticed. Whitley and Jaune are her long-suffering therapists. Ruby: "Mom left us to go with Raven..." Jaune: *sipping coffee* "Mmhmm, that's why we never listen to strange shapeshifters with terminal mid-life crisis." Ruby: "She thought going heroing with Raven...
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