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The villains are caricatures.
They didn't feel like people.
The contrast with the characters you focused on hurt my SoD and reminded me of many a bad Harry Potter fanfics.
Pfff~
This is normal for shonen or anime. It's actually a good thing in a story like this as it's more faithful to the original and adds to the seamlessness I mentioned earlier.
Everything is going according to keikaku. :)
Everything feels organic and natural, your character is a seamless part of the plot and the tone of this story matches the tone of the original.
I think that's really impressive and improves the quality of this fic by a lot. :)
Pity is a connection to Taylor Hebert though, rather than the tragic loss of identity that comes from Apathy as she is subsumed by the collective Necros hive-mind.
Cherish your emotions, for they define who you are.