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This looks good, thank you. Of course, it would have been much better if you had posted it when it was first ready. Don't you like, expect reviews? Or did you like forget about this story after writing the chapter but before going ahead and posting it?
Yeah, this chapter gave me a massive headache. There is a good reason I don't read crack works. Watching him meltdown trying to undstand things is not fun, and the last Pov part seems extra pointless.
You raised some good points, but those points weren't clear in the chapter itself. Also, your response was a little defensively nasty and not warranted. It's good writing it but could be better. And even if you are writing for yourself and not others, reacting like that to criticism meant to be...
Yeah, large parts of this chapter I hated, mostly the parts with his dual with Maul. The first part stinks of emotional drama and mind games. Even beyond that, the dual was drawn out and fought stupidly. Maul is strong, yes, but he should have won that fight by using his anti-force tools he...
I just personally hate dealing with other people, or the "trapped and played" feeling. Nothing wrong with your writing, just seems like a pain/shame that she had to jump though social hoops like this.
I hate these kinds of stupid games, and I hate reading or thinking about them. What even is the point? I still feel like she loses every time she gets involved, so why is she playing? I don't know, I'm not a social person who cares about other people views or feelings. I guess it's money and...
I feel like she should know to leave well enough alone by now. Like, if all signs point to back off and leave it, why is she trying to push more? Demanding to know secrets that don't have anything to do with her. If I was Denzal, I would be mad that she is trying to nose in like this. I don't...
Yeah, I just went to see the last chapter of the FanFiction.net site. Even though I enjoy Leecifer's other fics, I'm going to have to pass on this one. I gave it a shot, and really, it's not that bad. But not for me.
The first couple chapters are rough, and Herb's idiocy pisses me off. I skimmed the latest chapter, and it look like he is still a fool too.
Edit: Yup, he is a stupid man.
Edit2: God, he is worse than I thought. I don't know if I want to read this if he is going to be such a cunt all the time...
Great chapter. Things are going well. I dislike the drama of the stowaways to the fight like that though. It feels a little cheap and like a waste of time. More so with Anakin more than Serra. Like is their presence being Forced or not? Going through the effort to keep them out, then surprise...