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Suggested rewrite:
Trapdoor under the carpets? No. Harry looked at the statue of Priapus. No. Yes. He took a closer look. There were too many spells on the shrine to merely preserve it. He quickly looked the spells over. There were several curses on it, linked to… Ah!
Harry frowned. Usually...
And so, Scrimegour becomes Hermione's catspaw.
Even though Lucius ultimately went down for Blood Magic, Hermione can take comfort in the fact that Night Nargles are the ones who pushed him into making use of it. Also, I bet Draco is really glad now that he hasn't gotten around to breaking up...
I found it jarring. This seems to me like something that works better on film than in prose.
Doesn't come through, IMO, especially since the other elements of house-elf pidgin aren't used.
"For releasing me from that fiendish feline's most insidious trap, you have my thanks, loyal servant!" pronounced Sirius pompously as he rubbed pins and needles out of his limbs. Hermione had been particularly vicious with her pranks that week.
Edits:
These scene breaks don't actually break...
Not feline very scared. Agent B will be stuck in pet quarantine for 10 days, which gives me plenty of time to fortify my catamaran with catnip and spray bottles.
A catastrophe, as Harry furst discovers the truth! Hermione's skills are not up to scratch, she has left a tail, and was given away by her cattitude! Will she pull off another purrfect escape, or will she find herself on a catafalque, or in the Azkaban catacomb? It'll be a claws thing.
Let the...
Fearless Feline Filibuster Filches Files, Furniture, Fakes Fiendfyre, Fries Foul Fiend's Frightening Fleas for Fuzz, Flees
More suggestions than usual:
This one sounds like it's about distance, so I think it's "farther".
Flows better, I think.
Posh word like "whereupon" feels out of place...
Two weeks later, Staffordshire was invaded by the police, the MI5, and an NBC containment crew. Xenophilius and Oliver had accidentally stumbled on to one of Hermione's Non-Succession Acceleration Plans, this one involving radioactive materials.
Having one's underwear stolen repeatedly can be...
Moody's back! :D
It was not until they got back to the office that Dawlish and Maringworth realised that their underwear had been replaced by conjured replicas... and swapped.
Missing space.
Wording.
Good stuff. I like how Malfoy got everyone but himself and Draco implicated in Hermione's framing. The Parkinsons are next, right?
Suggest rewording.
It was not until he got home that he noticed that his underwear was missing.
Eh, give her time. When it turns out that for all her thievery, it'll take literally decades for balance of power in the Wizengamot to actually shift---if it ever does---she might get impatient. :P
See, that's another argument for respeccing into assassination once the thieving is done with: wizards and witches live a long time, so it would be useful to accelerate the non-succession. :P