A Freeboota's Life for Me [Warning! Very Orky.]

[KitsuneObsessedFreak]

A Freeboota's Life for Me 01:

Chapta da Furst Wan.

Disclaimer:

Happy April Fools!



Also, this is a Commissioned work by Asdo21 with his remaining words from last year, since I'm pretty sure the person we had originally donated his leftover words to like, fucking died or is imprisoned in Venezuela.



But hey! It's Fine. He would have wanted me to move on, and so this fic will be the replacement for We'll Gamba Okay until I have confirmation that bro passed on.

Turns out the fucker had been fucking with me, and just took a massive break from discord. And now he's ignoring me again, so... Fuck that guy I guess? I mean, if he doesn't want to at least let me know he's doing okay, then I'm not going to worry about him anymore, especially after that bullshit. Bro even had the balls to claim I was trying to gaslight him when I was worried sick, so yeah, fuck him.

This Story May Contain:



Orks doing Orky things.



Yup, that's it. No further notes needed.



Enjoy!


​

When Axe Sparrow woke up in the Mech-Boyz hanga that mornin', he felt a bit like he had become somfing a lil stronga. In fack, he fel' loike he was a bit more stompy, and strong enough to become the new capn' all by 'imself!

Smarta, stronga, and a whole lot betta than tha cap'n really. He knew he was gonna be in for a good scrap, and he was gonna make the best of it.

"Roight then! Toime to get krumpin'!" he roared, making his way into the bridge, where the cap'n was drinkin' grot out of some puny humie's skull like it was a propa drinkin' skull.

They were always a bit too small for 'im. He should 'ave gotten a betta skull.

"IronJaw!" Future Cap'n Axe Sparrow roared. "You 'aven't led us to a good scrap in weeks! I bet I'm a betta cap'n than you are!"

"You challenging me, Squig Crappa?" the Forma cap'n roared back. "We'll see 'ow much betta of a cap'n you are when you're bein' fed to the Squigs!"

Axe Sparrow was already coming in with a right hook though, stomping on the bigga ork's foot to deliva a massive uppa cut. Clearly the big boy didn't think he was gonna be scrapp'n with him today, as he didn' prepare a shoota. To counta his mech-arm.

The arm changed, the spinny blade coming from it to cut the big boy's arm off, but it caught the big boy's hand instead. An' it only got half of it.

"Oi! That's cheatin'!" the big boy yelled in pain.

And then he grew, almost the size of a warboss all of a sudden. "But I am stronga, so cheat all you like you filfy squig crappa!"

"Ahaha!" Axe Sparrow grinned, grabbing the bigga ork's face and slamming it through the shoota-armory doors. "You can't even fight back, so you're jus' puffin up!"

The IronJaw grabbed 'im, and threw 'im through the armory with a grin as he clicked his jaw, a burnin' lasa beam shootin' outta his face loike some sorta speshul attack.

He dodged it, and grabbed a big shoota, blastin' IronJaw's jaw off in an instant, before blowin' off his otha arm.

"Waaaaaaagh!​" the bigga ork screamed, lookin' a bit scared not that he was on the back foot.

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaagh!" he screamed back louda and longa, as he ran up to the dyin' warboss, and grabbed 'im, draggin' the Forma Cap'n through the side of the Rok.

"Yoo can'!" the Ork he beat fair and square whined like a Squig. "I'll kill ye next time!"

"There won' be a next time!" Captain Axe Sparrow grinned, his pet Sparrow Squig flyin' ova and landin' on 'is shoulda.

He dragged the warboss to the enjin room to burn 'im up, but one of the Weird-Boyz stopped him with a sign. "The Mech-Boyz be fixin' the enjins, dun wanna disturb 'em."

"Outta my way," he said, grabbin the Weird-Boy and tossin' 'im into the Weird-Drive as he slammed the Warboss' face into the enjin.

"Aaaaaaaah!" they both screamed, and he turned to look, watchin' as the Weird Boy was eaten up by the Weird-Drive, like he was some sorta tasty snack.

"Wut the zog is this?" he asked, picking up what was left of the warboss.

Well, he knew a few things about fixin' things as well, so he thought he knew exactly what ta do.

"Right then, if you don't start workin' right, I'mma krump you too!" he told it, just as the Mech-Boyz screamed at him to run.

But he wasn't no coward. And when it didn't listen, he smacked it with tha crispy warboss, causin' it to activate and—

He tasted his shoota, like the color yellow was a fruit. Gork and Mork paused and stared at him, giving him a thumbs up with big grins and wavin' at him… And then everyfing went so quiet.

And there was a new feelin' in the air. But it wasn' very Orky.

Onn'a the Mech-Boyz looked up at him with a strange look and asked. "What now, Boss?"

He smiled. "Well it's time for Cap'n Axe Sparrow to find us a good scrap, don't'cha think?"

"Zoggin roights it is!" Another Orky-Boy grinned from the doorway. "And there's a planet roight there! Why not that one?"

"Zog it, we scrappin' there!" Cap'n Axe Sparrow grinned.

Thus, began the tales of Cap'n Axe Sparrow.

~~~~

AN:
​

Kitsu: …We're in for a Zoggin good time, ain't we.

Anyways, Yeah. Got commissioned for this, did my best to do Ork Speech despite not knowing jack shit about Warhammer, and well… You'll see what I had just started cooking up. It's going to be ridiculous, and glorious, and I hope y'all enjoy the stupidity.

And yes, this is full crack. No braincells were used in the creation of this fic.

If you want your own story, feel free to join my discord or dm me and chat! I've been told my rates are pretty good, especially because of all the ways I have to get discounts.

On top of that, I have a lot of authors and Artists who are absolutely golden, who need help affording groceries on my server, and rent. So please do join up and help me help them.

You can find us at my sever link via my website: https://aikoakiyoshi.carrd.co/

 

[Dovahkiin]

Oh this will be a magnificent and glorious clusterfuck!

 

[KitsuneObsessedFreak]

Oh this will be a magnificent and glorious clusterfuck!

Click to shrink...

Indeed. The Foxxo will do the foxxing best they can.

 

[KitsuneObsessedFreak]

A Freeboota's Life for Me 02:
​

You Fought it waz a Joke? Fink again Humie~
​

"Cap'n! Looks like dere's a scrap goin on 'ere!" a Mech-boy said wif a broight grin, like he waz about to jump off de Rok into space himself. "Oi bet we're gonna have a Zoggin good time 'ere. Look at all da shootas. Dey foire pure loight, but dey pack a lot of dakka!"

"Oi'll be da judge o' dat," he looked out de window wif his Git-finda and smirked. "We's gonna land on dat planet dere. Da big wan wif all da green and blue."

"It's an Orky planet!" da Mech-Boy grinned.

Cap'n Axe Sparrow chuckled, punching da Mech-boy on da shoulder. "You'll be in de firs' wave. Les' get strapped in, we haz work to do."

"Aye, Cap'n!" he shouted, and ran off to go get his Shoota and his Mecha.

Wif dat out of da way, he focused back on da scrappin dat waz about to happen.

As dey got close, da Mecha ships started to swarm dem, shootin deir laza shootas. "Heh, puny Lazas, it won't—"

Da Rok shook. Dat waz a big wan.

"We's takin a lotta damage!" one of his Weird-boyz yelled. "We's ain't gonna make it if we dun hurry up and land Boss!"

"Aight! Listen up!" Cap'n Axe Sparrow roared. "We's gonna land on dis 'ere planet, and we's gonna take it for ourselves!"

"Waaaaaaagh!" da entire ship responded.

"Full wazza ahead! We's breakin' drough!" he roared, and da enjins responded to him, takin' him and his Orky-boyz down to land on da planet below.

Dey slammed drough all da ships in de way, crushin' 'em wif deir might. It waz Zoggin amazin'.

But deir puny mecha ships just kept comin' and comin' raining down deir heavy lazas on dem like it waz grotmas or somefing.

Still, dey broke into de planet, even as deir Rok waz fallin' apart, and managed to make a Zoggin good splash for de mechas. Wif how much o' dat silly blue stuff waz getting in deir ship dough…

"We's gotta suit up! Get da weird boyz out to give us somfing to breave da water wif!" he roared, and da Weird boys ran off to do jus' dat.

When dey came back, dey came back wif a bunch o' war masks. "Dese have air in 'em! We can use dem to breave unda da sea!"

"Aight den! Mask up Boyz! Let's make Gork and Mork proud!" he said, charging out wif da rest of 'em into de water and breavin just foine.

"Yugh, lot'sa blue, not enuff green," he growled.

"Aiaiaia! the city! Wesa gonna drown!" a strange fat wan said, lookin' a little froggy as dey stepped into a big bubble nearby. "Mesa no like space rocks! Mesa getting outta here!"

"Dat one looks like good eatin'," he told his boys, pointing to da fat wan. "Let's take 'em all!"

"Aiiiiieeee! Protect me!" da fat wan said, a bunch of ova Froggy-boyz raised deir stikks at dem.

What happened next waz a slaughter. Not a single Froggy-boy waz spared, as more and more Orky-Boyz came in wif a Waaaaaagh and made for land.

But den, as if dey seemed to akshually have some spoine, dey began to give jus as good as dey got. And dat meant it waz toime for a good krumpin'!

"Bring out da Dakka!" Cap'n Axe Sparrow said wif a grin. "And steal somma deirs too! Dose bomb fings are Zoggin' cool!"

And dey were! It waz only a matta of time before dey came up wif somfing jus' loike it.

But for now, he waz gonna enjoy dis.

~~~~
​

AN:
​

Kitsu: Huge shoutout to TheLetter_A and Ozimyy for making this possible. Without them, the Orks just wouldn't sound like Orks at all.

Had to control H and replace a lot of shit, so dun mind me lol. Hopefully it's not too fucky.

Ozimyy: Had to think a little about this one, Ork speak is a little tricky to write but I think we managed to make it work.

Kitsu: Indeed. Might start hiring Ozimyy as an orkish editor someday lol. If people commission me for further fics like this.

Mostly because he was a great help doing this. Probably not for this fic really, but if someone else decides to buy an Orky fic from me, Ozi will be paid to help edit it most likely.

And in fact, I will be including that in the price of further fics like this due to it being so far out of my usual style It isn't even funny. But I mean, an extra cent per word, or essentially a ten percent increase in words written depending on how I do it isn't really much, considering I would like to get it done right the first time for the commissioner.

Unless people want to hire him themselves directly lol. That would work too.

Anyways, if you liked it, drop some cash for me to drink more tea and eat better, if you hate it, then don't worry, you know where the back button is, and I'm not forcing you to read this.

But yeah, if it's good enough for you to drop me a fiver, please do so! If four people drop five bucks on me, I can refill my tea stash! https://aikoakiyoshi.carrd.co/

 

[Pyro Hawk]

Well, that's certainly a way to accelerate the outbreak of the... Oh wait, I'm not even sure if the Clones have started to be produced yet though I think they might be 'in the design process' if you will. But that also means that all the combat vehicles and warships that were being clandestinely developed and produced to support the Clone Army aren't made yet. I suppose the good news is that it's probably going to be ten years or so before a 'Proppa WAAAGH' is grown from the 'colonised' worlds?

Which really, gives the Star Wars galaxy a sporting chance at things. Or to be accurate, makes the fight fun for the Orks rather than just crushing everything.

... You know, it would have been so funny if the Orks had popped up after the construction of either of the Death Stars. Because can you imagine how the Empire would have reacted to the Orks looting the Death Star?

 

[KitsuneObsessedFreak]

snip

Click to shrink...

Kek indeed. Very much so.

 

[Bulldozer]

Ere we go boiz! Letz show dem gitz dat Orks are made fur foighting and winning! Waaaaagh!

 

[KitsuneObsessedFreak]

Ere we go boiz! Letz show dem gitz dat Orks are made fur foighting and winning! Waaaaagh!

Click to shrink...

Indeed. I have plenty more where that came from on the way.

 

[Bulldozer]

Indeed. I have plenty more where that came from on the way.

Click to shrink...

For Gork&Mork sake pls do. There aren't many good Ork fics.

 

[KitsuneObsessedFreak]

For Gork&Mork sake pls do. There aren't many good Ork fics.

Click to shrink...

Lol, I have a total of 35k words I can use for this fic. If you want to see more after that, you can help by tossing cash at me in various ways. For example, I really need a new chair so I can sit at my desk to write for longer. My throne and stuff can be found here: https://aikoakiyoshi.carrd.co/

 

[KitsuneObsessedFreak]

A Freeboota's Life for Me 03:
​

It looks loike we haz a scrap!
​

"Cap'n Axe Sparrow! Wes needin' a Big Choppa to get in da Snikkin Swimma," wan of his Mech-boyz grumbled. "And You's gots da biggest choppa 'ere."

"Damn roights I do," he grinned, crushing a Froggie's head with his boot as he followed along. "Where's we need the choppin'?" he asked as he spun his spinny saw blade.

"Roight 'ere! By dese funny squiggles!" da Mech-boy grinned.

"Wait! That's a limited edition Bombad Bongo! Yousa can't be serious!" A Froggie cried, like it waz a lil baby Froggie gettin' it'z toyz smashed.

"Heh, stupid Froggie," da Ork Cap'n grinned. "Yous dun realize it yet, but you's already dead."

"What?" da Froggie asked, before explodin' everywhere.

"Dat was zoggin awesome!" a Weird-boy said, rushing up to 'im from da soideloines. "We's needs to do it again!"

"We's dun have time for dat roight now," Cap'n Axe Sparrow grinned. "Besides, we can do somfing betta lata."

"Awwrite," da Weird-boy grinned, and den dey got to work.

It only took a few hundred more killings to get da Snikkin Swimma open, and den dey all climbed in with a grin, packing in as many of dose Fancy Grenades dose Froggies had on dem into it so dey could use dem on da surfase.

It wazn't too long before da Mech-Boyz came in, and put in a propa steerin' wheel so dey could roide it outta dere. And boy waz it Snikki. So quiet dey would have los' track if it waz purple. Fank Gork and Mork is wasn't purple, 'cuz if it waz, dey would 'ave lost demselfs!

How waz you gonna get a good scrap if yous waz lost!

But den, dey saw somfing glorious. A whole buncha Battlewagons, all lined up in a row beneaf dem, as they jumped the Snikkin Swimma out o' da water.

"We'z gonna blow you'z ta bitz!" Captain Axe Sparrow roared, jumping and kicking the Snikkin Swimma into the Battlewagons, the rest of the Boyz flyin' with 'em as da big boom happened below dem.

As he flew, 'is favorite Sparrow Squig dropped in on top of 'is Git-finda, and began to screech a beautiful war cry. He patted da funny little fing, and rode da blast to da tallest buildin' he ever saw.

"We'z breaking frew boyz!" Captain Axe Sparrow yelled.

"Waaaaaaaagh!" His boyz responded, and dey all slammed into da building and frew it.

And on da other side, dey saw it. A Spaceport.

"Ye know Cap'n? I was jus' finking you needed a new ship!" da Weird-boy grinned. "Can' be a Freeboota wifout a ship, roight?"

"Oi loike da way you'z finkin'" Cap'n Axe Sparrow grinned. "Les take da big wan!"

Dey rushed up to da biggest wan, wif da most cannons, and smirked, da Mech-boyz already getting to work on it wif da Weird-boyz' help.

"Hey! That's my ship!" A stinkin' humie said, screamin' loike he was a lil' baby.

Stoopid humie logic.

"Not anymore!" he grinned, his mech-arm shooting out and spikin' him, before frowing him into da reddish lake.

"Heh. Needs more green," the Cap'n grinned. "Now les go!"

Wif that, dey got on da ship, and took it ova from de insoide. And of course, da biggest fing dey saw in dere, looked like a huge mutated squig! dey even had snacks fit for an Ork!

"Haha!" Cap'n Axe Sparrow laughed. "Les go get scrappin!"

~~~~
​

AN:
​

Ozimyy: It was quite hard for us to remember to replace 'th's with 'd's or 'f's so far, but I think we're starting to get used to it. There's a bit of a struggle since we were so used to typing correctly, but I think the chapter looks fine as it is right now.

Kitsu: That guy is mission control. He has a really cozy job.

Ozimyy: Rock and Stone miner, good work.

Kitsu: For Karl!

All jokes aside, I had fun. And I hope this will be fun to read.

Maybe Ozi will be willing to do an Ork fic of his own sometime as inspiration too lol.

Anyways, I need a new chair. Badly. My chair is literally the most uncomfortable thing in the house, and makes it incredibly hard to write or game on it long term.

So, if you be willing to send me a shilling, please do put your nickels and dimes and quarters into the chair fund on my throne, to get me a new one before it breaks entirely.

It's a decade old after all, and really needs replacing.

And you'll even get words for it if you send me a screenshot of your contribution!

https://throne.com/kitsuneobsessedfreak

Thanks for reading and Stay Fluffy!