Keith (Canonical Sidestory)
Scopas
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JULY 2, 2016 ATB
STRATFORD PLACE, HONORARY DISTRICT #2, TOKYO SETTLEMENT
2200
"-ings a final end to the Yokohama Sniper's reign of terror." The newscaster concluded. "Now, fo-"
The next item in the bulletin fizzled out as the screen died. Keith Forester slumped back into the couch, hand still loosely grasped around the remote. It had been the third time he'd seen that particular "special bulletin" over the last two days; seemingly, the death of the feared Yokohama Sniper at the hands of the heroic agents of the Imperial Bureau of Investigation was all anybody could talk about. It was as if nothing else of any note was happening.
If only God were so merciful.
Keith closed his eyes, letting the cynical thought flow out and away through his nostrils along with his breath as he exhaled. Keith, he reminded himself, wouldn't think that anything else of note was going on. Keith wouldn't think of anything that he had not been directly ordered to think.
Keith, he thought as a cry from Hannah cut through the apartment from the bedroom, quickly hushed by Emily, is a father now. And all that matters is making sure that Keith doesn't stop being a father because he thought too much and did too little to remain Keith.
From the other room of the small two-room apartment, Keith heard Emily cooing something to their five year old, suffering from a bad case of strep throat. He didn't know what tune she was humming, what words might be carried on her breath too low to be heard through the wall.
He only hoped those words were Britannian. They'd agreed years ago to not speak Japanese – Elevenese – around Hannah.
It would be, they fervently hoped, easier that way. They couldn't do anything about the hair or the eyes, but they could make sure that Hannah would be as Britannian as any Honorary Britannian could be.
It was better than the alternative. Better an Honorary Britannian than a Number. Better to live than to be a corpse.
Better to be a traitor to thousands of years of dusty ancestors and useless traditions than to be a corpse.
Even if it was hard to remember that sometimes.
With another sigh, Keith allowed his eyes to flicker open. The half-remembered meditation exercises from… from before would not be bringing him any peace tonight, he could tell as much already. He was too agitated, too uneasy; his mind might be sick and tired with unease and neverending stress, but his body was full of nervous energy.
Keith walked over to the window, sliding it open with difficulty. The low-rise apartment building, one of hundreds like it originally thrown up for temporary worker accommodations in the burgeoning Tokyo Settlement before gradually gaining an aura of permanency as the land was zoned for Honoraries, was less than four years old and already home to a host of tiny problems. Fortunately, he'd fixed the window's slide with a bit of judicious banging with his hammer, so he could enjoy the summer breeze, cool this late at night.
Five kilome- three miles away to the southwest, the walls surrounding the open-air prison called Shinjuku Ghetto rose, the flat gray concrete blanched by the moonlight from above on all sides save that facing the Britannian Concession. There, the reflections of gaudy red, green, and golden lights mottled the walls like some strange pox.
Unbidden, a cool can of beer slipped into his right hand as Emily came up from behind him, tucking herself against his back. Without looking away from those distant walls, barely a hump on the horizon at this distance, he slipped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close.
Hannah's throat must be doing better, Keith thought as he hugged his wife, if she went back to sleep so easily. Good girl, giving her mom a break.
"What're you thinking about, Kei…?" Emily's voice was husky in his ear, and for all that she spoke in the Britannic their status legally compelled them to use, he could still hear the voice of the same girl he had met years ago, back in a different Shinjuku. The girl he had married, in the dust of that Shinjuku as the walls went up and the dispossessed of Tokyo were herded inside. The girl he had married, almost five years ago now. The girl who had joined him in turning his back on Japan and had signed up for the Citizenship Classes, their baby daughter in her arms.
Despite her best efforts to cultivate first a Tokyo accent and then a Homelander accent, Emily still had the faintest touches of Osaka on her tongue. Even if it hadn't been just the two of them and their daughter in this apartment, that lingering accent meant that Keith could always pick her out of even the noisest of crowds.
"Just…" He swallowed, his throat dry and stuffy. A sip of the cold beer helped loosen it back up. "Just thinking about the old man again."
"Ah…" Her arms tightened around him just slightly, and Keith reciprocated the embrace as he stared out across the nightscape.
"I miss him." The words hung in the air, hideously underwhelming and entirely incapable of carrying the emotion welling up from deep inside Keith's heart, from a place that had once been the younger son, proud of his policeman father, full of irritated admiration for his naturally achieving older brother. A place that had once gone by a different name, in a different country. In a different life. In a different world. "I miss my father."
Emily was silent, her face tucked against his chest. Her warmth, the pressure of her arms, surrounded him, contrasting with the cool wind on his face, the cold beer in his hand. "Father was proud," he said, "always so proud… Proud of his uniform, proud of his country, proud of his sons…" Keith swallowed.
"I really loved my father."
In his mind, he could dimly see that colossus of childhood gain, that bushy mustache under the thick-rimmed glasses, that prematurely gray streak through his hair, and the tie pin his mother had once given Officer Matsumoto Souichiro of the Tokyo Metropolitan Police department always glimmering against the breast of his dress shirt when he wore a suit. He could see that same colossus crumble as they wandered Shinjuku, freshly returned from a trip to visit Grandpa's farm and finding the world had shifted on its axis while they were away.
He remembered the fury in his father's eyes when Keith, hand in hand with Emily, had told him their new names and that they had become Honorary Citizens, their applications approved and tests complete. The Oath sworn.
At least the Yokohama Sniper ended up being a woman… It had been all too easy to imagine a familiar face, worn down by years of privation and twisted with hate, glaring down the barrel of a rifle. At least… At least I don't have to wonder if the Yokohama Sniper had been thinking about Hannah when she shot that kid…
"I really loved my father…" There was still a part of the boy he had once been who cried when he remembered that rejection. "I wish…" He trailed off. What did he wish? That his father had been less proud, less stiff-necked, more willing to adjust to the changing times? That wouldn't have been Matsumoto Souichiro.
"I wish he could be here with us… That he could watch his granddaughter grow up… Could help you take care of her…"
Even if his father was still alive somehow, even if he had somehow found a way to beat the odds and survive as a Number, Keith knew that dream was dead. Souichiro, his father, would never accept that the mother of his only grandchild was an Honorary Britannian, and that his granddaughter would be raised to be an Honorary Britannian, completely cut off from anything Japanese if Keith had his way. The knowledge that his father would never, could never be part of his daughter's life gnawed at him. Who was he to cut Hannah away from her grandfather? How could he?
"My son is dead! You killed him, you bastard!"
Because, Keith answered his own question, it's the only way for Hannah to have a long life, if not a happy one. To be Japanese is to be vermin, utterly disposable. I'll do anything to keep her alive.
"But… as long as you're Emily, and as long as she's Hannah… And as long as I'm not who I was… He won't… I can't…"
He could never go home again. But what was home, if not this apartment? It wasn't much, but it was where his wife lived, where their child lived.
The thought of his old bastard of a father's reaction to Emily, not Ami, and to their daughter curdled the old grief into anger again, just like it always did when thoughts of what could have been bothered him.
"Fuck him!" The can crumpled in Keith's fist, and he pressed Emily close to him, trying to ignore the way the wind chilled the wetness on his face. "What did he want me to do? Curl up and die with him in the ashes of our old home? Lay down next to Mom and Kotaro's bones and join them? Fuck him and his pride! Pride wouldn't fill our bellies! Being Jap- being Elevens wouldn't keep my daughter alive, it would only trap her in the same misery he was too proud to turn away from! He didn't even try! He just wanted to die, and hated that I wanted to live!"
He didn't know who he was trying to convince. Souichiro, if he was still alive, was miles away and no doubt hated him still. Hannah was still too young to understand, or at least he fervently hoped that five was too young to understand hatred, and thankfully still asleep despite his outburst. Emily had heard it all before.
Emily…
Abruptly, Keith felt ashamed. Emily's parents were both dead, and she'd been an only child. She had no family other than him and Hannah.
In his darker moments, he couldn't help but envy his wife, just a bit. It would have been easier if Souichiro really was dead, as dead as the Japan he represented. It would have made it easier to keep Kenji buried.
"I miss your father too…" With a start, Keith realized that it was Emily who had said that, talking into his chest.
"You never liked him," he mumbled back, letting the can drop from his fingers and turning away from the window, wrapping his freed arm around his wife, running his fingers through her short hair. "He was always stiff around you… He never welcomed you in…"
"I know, but…" Emily tilted her head back, looking up at him. Her eyes glimmered, wet with moonlight and pooling tears. "I miss what he could have been. What he should have been. He should have been proud of his son. Proud of what his son managed to accomplish. Made a life for himself."
"He said the wrong son died." The old hurt coated his tongue like the scum after a night's hard drinking, and Keith, realizing he was lashing out at the image of the Souichiro that could have been in his wife's eyes, moderated his tone. "When I told him what I was doing… He said he wished he had taken Kotaro with him to Grandpa's place, that I'd stayed behind in Shinjuku with Mom…"
"That was wrong of him to say, to think," Emily replied, heat touching her voice. "He had a wonderful son in you. And now you're mine, and you're my wonderful husband. You've got a good job and career in the Honorary Legion, and the pay's enough for the rent and food, so I can stay home with our daughter. It's your hard work. He didn't deserve a son like you."
"It didn't need to be this way…" And now the anger was gone, cycling back to grief. "Plenty of cops just changed what laws they were enforcing… Swore new oaths…"
"If he had been as good of a man as his son," Emily insisted, no hint of compromise in her voice, "that's what he'd have done. Instead of making you work your own way through Citizenship, he could have given himself and his son a new life, a better life than what he settled for. So he lost his son and the chance to have a family with us." She stood on her toes and touched her nose to Keith's, forcing a reluctant smile to his lips. "His loss."
"Yeah…" Not his loss; Keith hadn't been the one to push his father away, to reject him. To choose to cling onto a rapidly dying past instead of finding the courage to reach out to a new life. All he had done was keep his family alive and fed, and damned the costs to himself. "Yeah, you're right. His loss." As he repeated his wife's words, Keith felt certainty creep into him. "I loved my father. I miss my father. But, if my father was more willing to see me dead instead of dishonored, instead of an Honorary… If he'd rather Hannah be dead than speaking Britannian…"
It was only a quarter turn, only a slight shuffling of his feet, Emily obligingly following him into the darkness of the apartment. Only a small adjustment, only a minor change, but Keith's back was to the open window, to Shinjuku.
"If he wants to lie down and die with Japan, with Mom and Big Bro…" It hurt, saying it out loud, but in that hurt was the first seed of catharsis. "If he wants death, then let him die. I am not my father. I chose life, and I'll choose my family." Emily was radiant in that pale light, her smile and eyes loving and beautiful, for all that her face was unwashed and drawn with the exhaustion of a young parent tending to a robust if occasionally ill daughter. "And if the price of that is kissing Britannian feet, well…" The smile felt crooked and forced on Keith's face, but he thought it could feel natural someday.
"Pride is death; if nothing else, that's my father's lesson."
STRATFORD PLACE, HONORARY DISTRICT #2, TOKYO SETTLEMENT
2200
"-ings a final end to the Yokohama Sniper's reign of terror." The newscaster concluded. "Now, fo-"
The next item in the bulletin fizzled out as the screen died. Keith Forester slumped back into the couch, hand still loosely grasped around the remote. It had been the third time he'd seen that particular "special bulletin" over the last two days; seemingly, the death of the feared Yokohama Sniper at the hands of the heroic agents of the Imperial Bureau of Investigation was all anybody could talk about. It was as if nothing else of any note was happening.
If only God were so merciful.
Keith closed his eyes, letting the cynical thought flow out and away through his nostrils along with his breath as he exhaled. Keith, he reminded himself, wouldn't think that anything else of note was going on. Keith wouldn't think of anything that he had not been directly ordered to think.
Keith, he thought as a cry from Hannah cut through the apartment from the bedroom, quickly hushed by Emily, is a father now. And all that matters is making sure that Keith doesn't stop being a father because he thought too much and did too little to remain Keith.
From the other room of the small two-room apartment, Keith heard Emily cooing something to their five year old, suffering from a bad case of strep throat. He didn't know what tune she was humming, what words might be carried on her breath too low to be heard through the wall.
He only hoped those words were Britannian. They'd agreed years ago to not speak Japanese – Elevenese – around Hannah.
It would be, they fervently hoped, easier that way. They couldn't do anything about the hair or the eyes, but they could make sure that Hannah would be as Britannian as any Honorary Britannian could be.
It was better than the alternative. Better an Honorary Britannian than a Number. Better to live than to be a corpse.
Better to be a traitor to thousands of years of dusty ancestors and useless traditions than to be a corpse.
Even if it was hard to remember that sometimes.
With another sigh, Keith allowed his eyes to flicker open. The half-remembered meditation exercises from… from before would not be bringing him any peace tonight, he could tell as much already. He was too agitated, too uneasy; his mind might be sick and tired with unease and neverending stress, but his body was full of nervous energy.
Keith walked over to the window, sliding it open with difficulty. The low-rise apartment building, one of hundreds like it originally thrown up for temporary worker accommodations in the burgeoning Tokyo Settlement before gradually gaining an aura of permanency as the land was zoned for Honoraries, was less than four years old and already home to a host of tiny problems. Fortunately, he'd fixed the window's slide with a bit of judicious banging with his hammer, so he could enjoy the summer breeze, cool this late at night.
Five kilome- three miles away to the southwest, the walls surrounding the open-air prison called Shinjuku Ghetto rose, the flat gray concrete blanched by the moonlight from above on all sides save that facing the Britannian Concession. There, the reflections of gaudy red, green, and golden lights mottled the walls like some strange pox.
Unbidden, a cool can of beer slipped into his right hand as Emily came up from behind him, tucking herself against his back. Without looking away from those distant walls, barely a hump on the horizon at this distance, he slipped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close.
Hannah's throat must be doing better, Keith thought as he hugged his wife, if she went back to sleep so easily. Good girl, giving her mom a break.
"What're you thinking about, Kei…?" Emily's voice was husky in his ear, and for all that she spoke in the Britannic their status legally compelled them to use, he could still hear the voice of the same girl he had met years ago, back in a different Shinjuku. The girl he had married, in the dust of that Shinjuku as the walls went up and the dispossessed of Tokyo were herded inside. The girl he had married, almost five years ago now. The girl who had joined him in turning his back on Japan and had signed up for the Citizenship Classes, their baby daughter in her arms.
Despite her best efforts to cultivate first a Tokyo accent and then a Homelander accent, Emily still had the faintest touches of Osaka on her tongue. Even if it hadn't been just the two of them and their daughter in this apartment, that lingering accent meant that Keith could always pick her out of even the noisest of crowds.
"Just…" He swallowed, his throat dry and stuffy. A sip of the cold beer helped loosen it back up. "Just thinking about the old man again."
"Ah…" Her arms tightened around him just slightly, and Keith reciprocated the embrace as he stared out across the nightscape.
"I miss him." The words hung in the air, hideously underwhelming and entirely incapable of carrying the emotion welling up from deep inside Keith's heart, from a place that had once been the younger son, proud of his policeman father, full of irritated admiration for his naturally achieving older brother. A place that had once gone by a different name, in a different country. In a different life. In a different world. "I miss my father."
Emily was silent, her face tucked against his chest. Her warmth, the pressure of her arms, surrounded him, contrasting with the cool wind on his face, the cold beer in his hand. "Father was proud," he said, "always so proud… Proud of his uniform, proud of his country, proud of his sons…" Keith swallowed.
"I really loved my father."
In his mind, he could dimly see that colossus of childhood gain, that bushy mustache under the thick-rimmed glasses, that prematurely gray streak through his hair, and the tie pin his mother had once given Officer Matsumoto Souichiro of the Tokyo Metropolitan Police department always glimmering against the breast of his dress shirt when he wore a suit. He could see that same colossus crumble as they wandered Shinjuku, freshly returned from a trip to visit Grandpa's farm and finding the world had shifted on its axis while they were away.
He remembered the fury in his father's eyes when Keith, hand in hand with Emily, had told him their new names and that they had become Honorary Citizens, their applications approved and tests complete. The Oath sworn.
At least the Yokohama Sniper ended up being a woman… It had been all too easy to imagine a familiar face, worn down by years of privation and twisted with hate, glaring down the barrel of a rifle. At least… At least I don't have to wonder if the Yokohama Sniper had been thinking about Hannah when she shot that kid…
"I really loved my father…" There was still a part of the boy he had once been who cried when he remembered that rejection. "I wish…" He trailed off. What did he wish? That his father had been less proud, less stiff-necked, more willing to adjust to the changing times? That wouldn't have been Matsumoto Souichiro.
"I wish he could be here with us… That he could watch his granddaughter grow up… Could help you take care of her…"
Even if his father was still alive somehow, even if he had somehow found a way to beat the odds and survive as a Number, Keith knew that dream was dead. Souichiro, his father, would never accept that the mother of his only grandchild was an Honorary Britannian, and that his granddaughter would be raised to be an Honorary Britannian, completely cut off from anything Japanese if Keith had his way. The knowledge that his father would never, could never be part of his daughter's life gnawed at him. Who was he to cut Hannah away from her grandfather? How could he?
"My son is dead! You killed him, you bastard!"
Because, Keith answered his own question, it's the only way for Hannah to have a long life, if not a happy one. To be Japanese is to be vermin, utterly disposable. I'll do anything to keep her alive.
"But… as long as you're Emily, and as long as she's Hannah… And as long as I'm not who I was… He won't… I can't…"
He could never go home again. But what was home, if not this apartment? It wasn't much, but it was where his wife lived, where their child lived.
The thought of his old bastard of a father's reaction to Emily, not Ami, and to their daughter curdled the old grief into anger again, just like it always did when thoughts of what could have been bothered him.
"Fuck him!" The can crumpled in Keith's fist, and he pressed Emily close to him, trying to ignore the way the wind chilled the wetness on his face. "What did he want me to do? Curl up and die with him in the ashes of our old home? Lay down next to Mom and Kotaro's bones and join them? Fuck him and his pride! Pride wouldn't fill our bellies! Being Jap- being Elevens wouldn't keep my daughter alive, it would only trap her in the same misery he was too proud to turn away from! He didn't even try! He just wanted to die, and hated that I wanted to live!"
He didn't know who he was trying to convince. Souichiro, if he was still alive, was miles away and no doubt hated him still. Hannah was still too young to understand, or at least he fervently hoped that five was too young to understand hatred, and thankfully still asleep despite his outburst. Emily had heard it all before.
Emily…
Abruptly, Keith felt ashamed. Emily's parents were both dead, and she'd been an only child. She had no family other than him and Hannah.
In his darker moments, he couldn't help but envy his wife, just a bit. It would have been easier if Souichiro really was dead, as dead as the Japan he represented. It would have made it easier to keep Kenji buried.
"I miss your father too…" With a start, Keith realized that it was Emily who had said that, talking into his chest.
"You never liked him," he mumbled back, letting the can drop from his fingers and turning away from the window, wrapping his freed arm around his wife, running his fingers through her short hair. "He was always stiff around you… He never welcomed you in…"
"I know, but…" Emily tilted her head back, looking up at him. Her eyes glimmered, wet with moonlight and pooling tears. "I miss what he could have been. What he should have been. He should have been proud of his son. Proud of what his son managed to accomplish. Made a life for himself."
"He said the wrong son died." The old hurt coated his tongue like the scum after a night's hard drinking, and Keith, realizing he was lashing out at the image of the Souichiro that could have been in his wife's eyes, moderated his tone. "When I told him what I was doing… He said he wished he had taken Kotaro with him to Grandpa's place, that I'd stayed behind in Shinjuku with Mom…"
"That was wrong of him to say, to think," Emily replied, heat touching her voice. "He had a wonderful son in you. And now you're mine, and you're my wonderful husband. You've got a good job and career in the Honorary Legion, and the pay's enough for the rent and food, so I can stay home with our daughter. It's your hard work. He didn't deserve a son like you."
"It didn't need to be this way…" And now the anger was gone, cycling back to grief. "Plenty of cops just changed what laws they were enforcing… Swore new oaths…"
"If he had been as good of a man as his son," Emily insisted, no hint of compromise in her voice, "that's what he'd have done. Instead of making you work your own way through Citizenship, he could have given himself and his son a new life, a better life than what he settled for. So he lost his son and the chance to have a family with us." She stood on her toes and touched her nose to Keith's, forcing a reluctant smile to his lips. "His loss."
"Yeah…" Not his loss; Keith hadn't been the one to push his father away, to reject him. To choose to cling onto a rapidly dying past instead of finding the courage to reach out to a new life. All he had done was keep his family alive and fed, and damned the costs to himself. "Yeah, you're right. His loss." As he repeated his wife's words, Keith felt certainty creep into him. "I loved my father. I miss my father. But, if my father was more willing to see me dead instead of dishonored, instead of an Honorary… If he'd rather Hannah be dead than speaking Britannian…"
It was only a quarter turn, only a slight shuffling of his feet, Emily obligingly following him into the darkness of the apartment. Only a small adjustment, only a minor change, but Keith's back was to the open window, to Shinjuku.
"If he wants to lie down and die with Japan, with Mom and Big Bro…" It hurt, saying it out loud, but in that hurt was the first seed of catharsis. "If he wants death, then let him die. I am not my father. I chose life, and I'll choose my family." Emily was radiant in that pale light, her smile and eyes loving and beautiful, for all that her face was unwashed and drawn with the exhaustion of a young parent tending to a robust if occasionally ill daughter. "And if the price of that is kissing Britannian feet, well…" The smile felt crooked and forced on Keith's face, but he thought it could feel natural someday.
"Pride is death; if nothing else, that's my father's lesson."
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