"You dare suggest I betray Iroh? My first born?! Directly after the demise of his only beloved...
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Azula the Sacrificed(Avatar the Last Airbender)
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Chapter 1
Akumakami64
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"You dare suggest I betray Iroh? My first born?! Directly after the demise of his only beloved son?!"
The roar of the flames imitated their lord's mighty rage, proving that the man commanded great power even in his waning years. Power that led him and his country for almost a century of war and power that had been provoked by the overreaching ambitions of his second born son.
Azula would give her grandfather this much, he certainly knew how to maintain an image. Watching in secret, she could only imagine what her father was planning. True, his request backfired, but she knew that would never hinder him. Her father was too cunning, too ruthless to be denied his goal. But how to appease an angry Firelord?
"I think Iroh has suffered enough! But you ... your punishment has scarcely begun!"
The roar of the flames might as well been in her ear, smirking as she heard her brother run away in fear. Zuzu was such a scared little weakling. Or perhaps he was smarter than she thought? There was a logical jump to make, thinking that their father's punishment would involve him; Punishment for trying to claim the throne from the first born son, who had just lost his own first born son? There was a poetic nature to it, she supposed.
"If you ever desire a chance to sit upon my throne, you must know the pain of losing a precious child. By sacrificing your own!"
And there it was, the ultimatum request, the impossible sacrifice. So, Zuko would die? Such a pity. But there was nothing she could do. Father hardly cared for Zuko, he wouldn't be willing to risk disinheritance over sparing the weakling in the family.
"Father, you expect me to sacrifice my son, your own grandchild?" Ozai asked with a scowl in his voice.
Azula expected that. A token resistance to the act, lest Ozai seem too willing to do the deed.
The young princess narrowed her eyes as the flames dimmed and she swore she could see the smallest smirk upon her grandfather's face.
Wait, why did he say child instead of son-
"No, my foolish son, I do not," Azulon informed as the room grew heavy. "I am not blind, boy. I know your son lacks your favor. You proved it in this very room, allowing her to make him look like a fool. Is that your revenge, Ozai? You detest your first born brother, so you neglect your own eldest for the younger?"
Azula felt some tightness and chill around her chest, as if Agni had stripped her of her inner flame. What was grandfather saying?
"Father, what are you saying?" Ozai asked from his kneeling position, genuine disbelief on his voice.
"I am saying you will sacrifice the child you care for," Azulon informed harshly. "You will sacrifice your daughter."
No.
Nonononononononono!
Not her. Why her?!
"Father, you can't be serious!" Ozai declared in shock. "Azula is a prodigy seen once in a generation…once in a century!"
And she was smart! She wasn't weak like Zuko or sensitive like other girls her age! Azula's mind raced through all the many reasons she could think to justify her NOT being the one to die.
"Interesting how much outrage she garners from you, Son, over your other child," Azulon noted pointedly, as if reminding Ozai what the entire point of this punishment was.
"Father, she has been able to produce BLUE FIRE for Agni's sake! She could be the most powerful Firebender in the world within twenty years! Throwing her away isn't the same as discarding a few gallons of royal blood! She will one day be a powerful weapon of the Fire Nation!" Ozai defended.
Yes, yes, she would be powerful, and useful! Very useful! She'd train harder, study more. Anything, just-
"ENOUGH!" Azulon declared, like a dragon of old, the flames surging for an instant. "Make your choice, Ozai. Your daughter or your throne."
Azula stared at her father's back from far away, her eyes numb and pleading. Not him, not Father too. He couldn't-
"Very well, Father," Ozai stated in acceptance. "The deed will be done."
Azula ran. It was instinctual, not logical. A need to go, to get away, to get out. She had to get away, she had to-
Accept reality.
She was going to die. Her own father was going to kill her. The intellectual part of her mind admitted it was the right thing for her father to do. One child's death for the throne? It was the smart choice. And he could sire more children if Zuzu couldn't shape up into anything talented. Maybe Mother would like the next one.
But...who would remember her? What would she be remembered as?
Father wouldn't consider her beyond being a stepping stone now, and wasted potential.
Mother...thought she was a monster. She might even be relieved she was gone.
Her teachers might recall her talents fondly, but what did they matter?
Her friends...would Mai miss her? Would Ty Lee? Was...was she a friend worth missing? They both liked Zuko, especially Mai, so they just wouldn't have her around to push them around. They...they might be happier without her.
And Zuko. Zuzu. Her brother hated her. He thought she always lied. She lied too much, probably. He'd...
Azula bit back tears as she imagined Zuko smiling when she died. She didn't want that. She wanted...she needed someone, anyone to miss her. She deserved it, she treated him horribly sometimes, but he didn't really hate her, right? He'd be sad she was gone, right?
He'd visit her grave, her ashes, right?
She came out of her labyrinth of thoughts as she realized where she was, what door she was standing outside.
Zuko's room.
There was no point in coming here. But if she was going to die very soon, there was no point in being logical anymore. Just abandon reason for whatever felt right.
Because everything was wrong now.
"Azula?" Zuko's groggy voice came from the bed as she opened the door. "What are you doing here?" he asked in a sleepy, accusing voice.
He probably couldn't see the fear in her eyes yet.
Without a word, she came over to his bed and sat beside him. "Zuzu? Can...Can I ask you something?" Azula asked, refusing to look at him; refusing to let him see the terrified, screaming, bawling child underneath the surface. At least no sooner than she had to.
"Um, sure?" Zuko asked, rubbing his eye in confusion. Azula didn't usually ask him for anything. She just did it or told him to do it. "Why this late?" he asked through a yawn.
"Zuko, do you love me?"
Her brother stayed there, half propped up on his elbow, a look of complete incomprehension on his face. Then the words registered and he was sitting up properly. "What did you just say?" he asked in shock.
"Please, brother, do you love me?" Azula asked, gripping the bed sheet tightly. "I-I just really need to know. I know I'm horrible, I know I've never given you any reason to, but I just really ne-"
"I love you, Azula."
It wasn't overly warm or affectionate or any mushy emotion. It was a statement of fact that he made without hesitation. She...she could take that.
She looked at him and knew it was a mistake. His eyes were wide now, as if he could see through her, see the desperation clawing within her. "Azula, wh-?"
"Why?" she asked suddenly, eyes wide. "Why do you love me? What about me is worth loving!? I...I torment you every day, I constantly make you look like a fool, and I hurt almost everything you care about! Why, why wou-"
He silenced her with a hug.
She hated how effective it was.
She loved that he did it.
"You're my annoyingly amazing little sister," Zuko said into her hair. "How could I not love you?"
Azula said nothing. She slowly wrapped her arms around him to return the embrace, her mouth trembling as she choked back her sobs. And finally she cried. It was a silent thing, twin waterfalls of salty tears leaking down her face. Zuko loved her. He'd remember her fondly. That was...good. That would have to be enough.
Eventually, Zuko pulled her back and gently wiped away her tears. "What happened?"
She loved how adorably serious, protective, and authoritative he tried to look when he asked that. "Zuko? You know how the Avatar gets reincarnated?" she asked out of the blue. Zuko blinked, not responding to that, so she carried on. "Do you think we all get that? That maybe, in another life, I can be a better little sister?"
"Azula, what are you talking about?" Zuko asked with a scowl.
"Dad's going to kill me, Zuko."
Azula wasn't even aware she said it out loud. It didn't sound like her voice anymore, like she was a stranger in her own body.
"What? Azula, you shouldn't joke ab-" Zuko stopped as Azula gave a hiccup, a single sob breaching her control. "You're not joking," he realized with dread and horror, his throat going dry.
Why? Why was he scared? He wouldn't die. Nothing would happen to him. Father needed a bloodline after all; Zuko wouldn't be in danger from anything. But it was clear that the idea of her dying scared her brother.
She felt an ache in her chest. Was this what it felt like, to know she was loved?
"Azula, what happened?" Zuko questioned with a sense of urgency.
"Grandfather said it's Father's punishment, that if he ever wants the throne, he'll sacrifice me to know Uncle Iroh's pain," Azula answered hollowly as she sat on the bed, feeling and looking the part of a puppet whose strings were coming loose.
"And...And Dad agreed to that!?" Zuko all but yelled in disbelief.
"Of course he did," Azula answered, her tone saying it was heartbreakingly obvious to her. "Dad won't give up the throne, and now I'm in the way of that."
Zuko's eyes scrambled before hardening. "What do you need me to do?" he asked with determination.
"For what?" Azula asked with a small frown.
"To get you out of here! Isn't that why you came to me, so I can help you hide or run away?" he asked fiercely.
Azula stared at him in shock for a moment before smiling.
That smile nearly killed Zuko.
It was far too peaceful, too defeated for his prideful little sister.
"No, Zuko. I just came here to tell you everything. That I'm sorry, for everything. For not being a better sister. And-" Azula's speech was brought to an end by a knock on the open door.
The royal siblings had terrified eyes at the sight of the royal guards. "Pardon us, Prince, Princess, but Prince Ozai and Fire Lord Azulon have summoned you, Princess Azula," they informed professionally.
They didn't know. Azula could tell, they were completely at ease and not prepared for her to make a bolt for it. They wanted to keep this quiet. A vindictive part of her thought about attacking the guards, but...
It all felt pointless now…her cunning, her firebending, all her manipulations. It all meant nothing in the end.
"I love you, Zuzu," Azula whispered, as she stood off the bed, and proceeded to walk out of the room.
Zuko could only stare in disbelief, numbness setting over him. Was this the last time he'd see his sister? Would he never hear her voice, her laugh? Never see that scheming twinkle in her eyes? Never see her flames again?
No, he refused to accept that!
For Azula, the walk to the throne room was nonexistent. She was not aware of the distance she walked or the time it took. All she could think of was Zuko. Even for all her faults, they had fun times. Mutual fun, not just fun at his expense. Chasing each other, playing pretend, even sneaking snacks from the kitchen a few times. She couldn't help wondering, if she had another chance at all, could she be a better sister?
Who was she kidding, she was a little monster. Zuko...Zuko probably just loved her because he was too dumb to hate her. Yeah, that had to be it.
But she was happy he wasn't smart enough to stop loving her. She could hold onto that hug they shared, the words he said, to not let the mortal terror overflow her young veins.
The red guards let her in, but did not follow. This was a private, family conversation for the royals.
Azula looked across the vastness of the throne room, feeling so tiny and insignificant as her father and grandfather met her gaze.
She was smart, she caught the tells; The furrowing of Azulon's brow and tensing of his old bones, while her father's eyes widened ever so minutely as his frown deepened. They knew that she knew what this was about.
Even walking to her supposed death, Azula kept herself dignified and controlled. No ten year old should be facing her own end so fearlessly.
But she was not fearless. She was beyond terrified. It was the sheer hopelessness and despair of the situation that allowed her mind to keep herself in check, solely due to the firm and accurate conclusion that there was no way to escape, to survive.
As she drew closer, both men could see it plainly…the vacant eyes of the girl that had deemed herself already a walking corpse. "I..." she started, swallowing the emotions that tried to seize control of her tongue. "I-I have come as ordered. F-father, Gr-grandfather," she greeted as she stood next to her father, her executioner, and before her grandfather, her judge.
"Well, Ozai?" Azulon prompted coldly, glaring at his second born. "What are you waiting for? Agni himself will not do the deed for you."
Ozai grimaced as he stared down at his daughter, his pride, his would-be legacy. She didn't look back; she just turned away from him...and bowed her head, baring her neck to him.
Only Azulon could see it from his vantage point, how his granddaughter began to cry silently as she awaited death's embrace, her eyes trembling with horror.
Her face screamed only one message: I don't want to die!
The old Firelord's gaze shifted to his younger son. As if sensing his gaze, Ozai ignited a fire dagger in one hand. The narrow flame condensed, sharpened, and brightened. It would be an efficient quick stab, a mercifully quick death.
Azula trembled at the sound of the flames screeching in her ear, her shaking hands slowly reaching up to grasp her arms. She wasn't suicidal, she didn't want to die, and so every instinct told her to run, fight back, do something. But her mind told her the truth: it was useless.
Ozai made his move.
And all hell broke loose.
"Boy, don't-!"
Azula had no idea what happened at first, just that her grandfather called out to somebody. The next thing she knew, something barreled into her and the world went spinning, a pained scream in her ears.
It wasn't her scream.
She shot up, sitting on the floor, sound and physical feeling numb to her right now. She was...alive. Her father was standing there, struggling against two men. Archers. Yuyan Archers? Her grandfather was off his throne, looking at her with a look she had never seen on his face. Distress? Regret? Pain?
It took her a moment to realize that he wasn't looking at her.
Her uncomprehending eyes looked to see a familiar figure. It was her brother. He...saved her? He came for her?
He was clutching his face.
He was crying in pain.
She was suddenly very aware of the smell of burnt flesh.
"Zuko? Zuko!?" she cried out, grasping onto him with desperation to help him and hopeless to know how to.
"GUARDS" Azulon bellowed, the royal procession already half way to the throne from the screaming. "Bring the royal physicians here immediately! Prince Zuko has been injured!"
With quick affirmatives of respect, they left, leaving the room once again. "What is the meaning of this, Father?!" Ozai all but snarled. "I was about to give you what you demanded, before the boy interfered."
"Interfered? Interfered!? Is that what you call saving his sister?" Azulon demanded sharply. "You still haven't realized it, Ozai?"
"Realized what?" Ozai asked, looking ready to attack his father if the Yuyan Archers weren't holding him back.
"I told you that you must suffer the same pain as Iroh," Azulon stated with a disappointed headshake. "This confirmed what I feared. That you are INCAPABLE of understanding such grief! You would toss aside anything and everything to secure the power you covet! And in doing so, you proven yourself unfit to be Firelord! Unfit to even be called my son!" he declared, Ozai's eyes widening at the proclamation. "A man like you would not just burn down our enemies, but burnout the Fire Nation itself with your ruthless ambition."
Ozai glared with silent, bloodthirsty rage. "You tricked me."
"No, Ozai, I only confirmed your true nature," Azulon stated with a heavy breath. "As far as I am concerned, the royal family has indeed lost someone today. Not another of my grandchildren, but rather my own son."
"You intend to kill me, Father?" Ozai demanded.
"No, Ozai. You are hereby striped of everything you ever were. For all intents and purposes, the man you were is dead, never to return. And you will be banished from all lands that belong to the Fire Nation," Azulon decreed.
"You old fool, you can't-!"
"Do Not Declare What I Can And Cannot Do, Ozai the Nameless!"
Ozai roared, fire leaping from his mouth as he threw the archers off with a sudden, violent show of strength.
Azulon narrowed his eyes as the flames leapt from Ozai's fist. The Firelord waved both hands before him, one silencing Ozai's fire and the other batting Ozai's fist away.
Azulon was the Son of Sozin. The Son of the Comet. The Firelord of what was approaching to be a Hundred Year War. Old age could not rob him of his strength so easily or completely.
Ozai gasped as his father's hand grabbed his throat. Before he could even try to pry the deceptively frail looking limb from his windpipe, the Yuyan archers made their recovery known, one holding both his arms while the other pointed an arrow at him, very close to his head. Even if he could attack the man, the arrow would likely mortally wound him anyway.
He grit his teeth as he felt Azulon's grasp become scalding hot, "As your son was scarred by his father, you shall be by me, Ozai. Let everyone know by that mark that I was merciful enough to spare the creature my son had become," Azulon declared, father and son sharing a mutual death glare as he seared Ozai's neck.
Meanwhile, Azula was having an out of body experience. Not literally as the stories went in the cases with spirits, but that her body was frantically holding onto Zuko, pleading to know how to help, while her true awareness was listening to the conversation. And yet, the only thing she took from this twisted turns of events was this:
Someone hurt Zuko.
Someone Hurt Zuko.
SOMEONE HURT ZUKO!
Something...snapped into place as her two selves resettled; a moment of perfect, ultimate clarity.
It didn't matter that it was her father that hurt Zuko. It didn't matter that she stood no chance. It didn't even matter that she didn't know how to do this.
All that mattered was making Ozai pay.
Perfect clarity was a beautiful, terrible thing.
All four men became shocked as every flame in the throne room turned to a blue azure. They turned to see the princess raise her right arm, her eyes distant yet clear. Like she was nothing more than a savage beast now.
Upon her arm danced lightning cackling for a target.
It was a shame Azula had no idea how to aim lightning yet.
Azulon growled to himself as the lightning bolts flew out in all directions, far less potent than they would be yet striking at anything and everything. Like the archer pointing an arrow at Ozai.
Jerking out of Azulon's grasp and throwing the other man off him once more, Ozai slammed his elbow to his captor. He was very grateful Azula's attack had caused the archer to gain a painful death grip on his arrow rather than release it. Taking the other one by the leg, Ozai literally threw him at the shocked archer before either could recover.
He gritted his teeth as two, three of Azula's scattered lightning bolts slammed into him. They were weak and unfocused, but they were not harmless.
Ozai was keenly aware that his daughter collapsed onto her brother after that, passed out from the exertion as the flames faded back to their norma colors. In another lifetime, Ozai would have been extremely proud of her for generating lightning at such a young age. Now all was rage, wrath, and ruin.
He fought through the pain, forced his limbs to keep moving as he sent a fireball kick to Azulon. The Firelord blocked it, but it gave Ozai the chance he needed to run to the door.
The forsaken prince heard the mighty fire whip rushing towards him and lost a good chunk of his beard in dodging it. Without hesitation or consideration, he sent a stream of fire back.
At his children.
Flames leapt from Azulon's feet as he stood before the two young royals, parting the flames harmlessly down the middle. His glare grew worried as the flames cleared, seeing Ozai channeling lightning.
Luckily, the stunned Yuyan archer had recovered and drawn his bow and arrow. His vision was unsteady, and so he could not guarantee a lethal shot. And as such, the arrow was aimed at a larger target than Ozai's head.
The son of Azulon gritted his teeth as the arrow buried into his shoulder, the sudden pain enough to fire his attack, the force of the projectile sending the strike of cold-fire crashing into the dais instead. Ozai knew not to chance this anymore, fleeing to the doors. They opened, the imperial firebender barreling in with the doctors and physicians. The sight of the prince running with an arrow through his shoulder was enough to shock and confuse them, giving Ozai all the chance he needed to leap over the group, fleeing down the hall.
"Guards! Capture Ozai! Secure the palace immediately! The rest of you, come! My grandchildren have need of your skills," Azulon ordered sternly.
The groups sprang into action as well disciplined members of the royal palace staff. Questions and official explanations would have to wait for another time.
The Yuyan archer who had wounded Ozai helped up his fellow bowman before turning to the Firelord, who sagged and stroked his head, the years appearing to fall on him for an instant. "My Lord, are you alright?" he asked with a concerned frown.
Azulon looked at his now-fatherless grandchildren. Zuko would be scarred for life, no healer in the Fire Nation could undo that kind of damage. And the girl, that look in her eye when she channeled the lightning. There was damage there, in the mind, and he was uncertain if it wasn't older than this event.
"No. No I am not," he answered after a lengthy pause as the medical experts tended to the children, preparing to take them out on a stretcher. A singular stretcher, for Azula was clutching onto Zuko's arm like a lifeline, even while sleeping. It would be best to handle that in the medical wing. He turned to regard the archers. "One of you, go and find Princess Ursa, bring her here. It's unlikely, but Ozai may try to get to her before attempting to escape," he instructed.
The archer nodded dutifully before speeding off, far faster than most men ever could hope to run.
Azulon took a deep breath as the adrenaline left his old body, the flames of the room dimming with him.
Explaining this to Ursa would not be easy. That woman might just try to kill him when she found out her precious children had been through so much on his account.
Iroh might just help her do it too when he returned.
End of Chapter
And there's chapter 1. So, yeah, I went the route of Azulon not really going to kill his grandchild- because I'll acknowledge the comics when I won't and flip them off otherwise because this is my AU. Azula, meanwhile, has had a (relatively) smaller version of her breakdown in the finale due to her father being willing to throw her aside. And, of course, Zuko gets his scar trying to save his sister this time.
Now, someone of you are wondering, why didn't Ursa find out as in canon? Random timing; Azula showed up at Zuko's room at a slightly different time, thus Ursa didn't stumbled across them. And traumatized or not, Little Azula got a badass moment in creating lightning for the first time.
Still, yeah, canon is effective off the rails and long gone already. Hope you all enjoyed this.
Next up we have Ursa's reaction...and a reminder that her name means Bear.
The roar of the flames imitated their lord's mighty rage, proving that the man commanded great power even in his waning years. Power that led him and his country for almost a century of war and power that had been provoked by the overreaching ambitions of his second born son.
Azula would give her grandfather this much, he certainly knew how to maintain an image. Watching in secret, she could only imagine what her father was planning. True, his request backfired, but she knew that would never hinder him. Her father was too cunning, too ruthless to be denied his goal. But how to appease an angry Firelord?
"I think Iroh has suffered enough! But you ... your punishment has scarcely begun!"
The roar of the flames might as well been in her ear, smirking as she heard her brother run away in fear. Zuzu was such a scared little weakling. Or perhaps he was smarter than she thought? There was a logical jump to make, thinking that their father's punishment would involve him; Punishment for trying to claim the throne from the first born son, who had just lost his own first born son? There was a poetic nature to it, she supposed.
"If you ever desire a chance to sit upon my throne, you must know the pain of losing a precious child. By sacrificing your own!"
And there it was, the ultimatum request, the impossible sacrifice. So, Zuko would die? Such a pity. But there was nothing she could do. Father hardly cared for Zuko, he wouldn't be willing to risk disinheritance over sparing the weakling in the family.
"Father, you expect me to sacrifice my son, your own grandchild?" Ozai asked with a scowl in his voice.
Azula expected that. A token resistance to the act, lest Ozai seem too willing to do the deed.
The young princess narrowed her eyes as the flames dimmed and she swore she could see the smallest smirk upon her grandfather's face.
Wait, why did he say child instead of son-
"No, my foolish son, I do not," Azulon informed as the room grew heavy. "I am not blind, boy. I know your son lacks your favor. You proved it in this very room, allowing her to make him look like a fool. Is that your revenge, Ozai? You detest your first born brother, so you neglect your own eldest for the younger?"
Azula felt some tightness and chill around her chest, as if Agni had stripped her of her inner flame. What was grandfather saying?
"Father, what are you saying?" Ozai asked from his kneeling position, genuine disbelief on his voice.
"I am saying you will sacrifice the child you care for," Azulon informed harshly. "You will sacrifice your daughter."
No.
Nonononononononono!
Not her. Why her?!
"Father, you can't be serious!" Ozai declared in shock. "Azula is a prodigy seen once in a generation…once in a century!"
And she was smart! She wasn't weak like Zuko or sensitive like other girls her age! Azula's mind raced through all the many reasons she could think to justify her NOT being the one to die.
"Interesting how much outrage she garners from you, Son, over your other child," Azulon noted pointedly, as if reminding Ozai what the entire point of this punishment was.
"Father, she has been able to produce BLUE FIRE for Agni's sake! She could be the most powerful Firebender in the world within twenty years! Throwing her away isn't the same as discarding a few gallons of royal blood! She will one day be a powerful weapon of the Fire Nation!" Ozai defended.
Yes, yes, she would be powerful, and useful! Very useful! She'd train harder, study more. Anything, just-
"ENOUGH!" Azulon declared, like a dragon of old, the flames surging for an instant. "Make your choice, Ozai. Your daughter or your throne."
Azula stared at her father's back from far away, her eyes numb and pleading. Not him, not Father too. He couldn't-
"Very well, Father," Ozai stated in acceptance. "The deed will be done."
Azula ran. It was instinctual, not logical. A need to go, to get away, to get out. She had to get away, she had to-
Accept reality.
She was going to die. Her own father was going to kill her. The intellectual part of her mind admitted it was the right thing for her father to do. One child's death for the throne? It was the smart choice. And he could sire more children if Zuzu couldn't shape up into anything talented. Maybe Mother would like the next one.
But...who would remember her? What would she be remembered as?
Father wouldn't consider her beyond being a stepping stone now, and wasted potential.
Mother...thought she was a monster. She might even be relieved she was gone.
Her teachers might recall her talents fondly, but what did they matter?
Her friends...would Mai miss her? Would Ty Lee? Was...was she a friend worth missing? They both liked Zuko, especially Mai, so they just wouldn't have her around to push them around. They...they might be happier without her.
And Zuko. Zuzu. Her brother hated her. He thought she always lied. She lied too much, probably. He'd...
Azula bit back tears as she imagined Zuko smiling when she died. She didn't want that. She wanted...she needed someone, anyone to miss her. She deserved it, she treated him horribly sometimes, but he didn't really hate her, right? He'd be sad she was gone, right?
He'd visit her grave, her ashes, right?
She came out of her labyrinth of thoughts as she realized where she was, what door she was standing outside.
Zuko's room.
There was no point in coming here. But if she was going to die very soon, there was no point in being logical anymore. Just abandon reason for whatever felt right.
Because everything was wrong now.
"Azula?" Zuko's groggy voice came from the bed as she opened the door. "What are you doing here?" he asked in a sleepy, accusing voice.
He probably couldn't see the fear in her eyes yet.
Without a word, she came over to his bed and sat beside him. "Zuzu? Can...Can I ask you something?" Azula asked, refusing to look at him; refusing to let him see the terrified, screaming, bawling child underneath the surface. At least no sooner than she had to.
"Um, sure?" Zuko asked, rubbing his eye in confusion. Azula didn't usually ask him for anything. She just did it or told him to do it. "Why this late?" he asked through a yawn.
"Zuko, do you love me?"
Her brother stayed there, half propped up on his elbow, a look of complete incomprehension on his face. Then the words registered and he was sitting up properly. "What did you just say?" he asked in shock.
"Please, brother, do you love me?" Azula asked, gripping the bed sheet tightly. "I-I just really need to know. I know I'm horrible, I know I've never given you any reason to, but I just really ne-"
"I love you, Azula."
It wasn't overly warm or affectionate or any mushy emotion. It was a statement of fact that he made without hesitation. She...she could take that.
She looked at him and knew it was a mistake. His eyes were wide now, as if he could see through her, see the desperation clawing within her. "Azula, wh-?"
"Why?" she asked suddenly, eyes wide. "Why do you love me? What about me is worth loving!? I...I torment you every day, I constantly make you look like a fool, and I hurt almost everything you care about! Why, why wou-"
He silenced her with a hug.
She hated how effective it was.
She loved that he did it.
"You're my annoyingly amazing little sister," Zuko said into her hair. "How could I not love you?"
Azula said nothing. She slowly wrapped her arms around him to return the embrace, her mouth trembling as she choked back her sobs. And finally she cried. It was a silent thing, twin waterfalls of salty tears leaking down her face. Zuko loved her. He'd remember her fondly. That was...good. That would have to be enough.
Eventually, Zuko pulled her back and gently wiped away her tears. "What happened?"
She loved how adorably serious, protective, and authoritative he tried to look when he asked that. "Zuko? You know how the Avatar gets reincarnated?" she asked out of the blue. Zuko blinked, not responding to that, so she carried on. "Do you think we all get that? That maybe, in another life, I can be a better little sister?"
"Azula, what are you talking about?" Zuko asked with a scowl.
"Dad's going to kill me, Zuko."
Azula wasn't even aware she said it out loud. It didn't sound like her voice anymore, like she was a stranger in her own body.
"What? Azula, you shouldn't joke ab-" Zuko stopped as Azula gave a hiccup, a single sob breaching her control. "You're not joking," he realized with dread and horror, his throat going dry.
Why? Why was he scared? He wouldn't die. Nothing would happen to him. Father needed a bloodline after all; Zuko wouldn't be in danger from anything. But it was clear that the idea of her dying scared her brother.
She felt an ache in her chest. Was this what it felt like, to know she was loved?
"Azula, what happened?" Zuko questioned with a sense of urgency.
"Grandfather said it's Father's punishment, that if he ever wants the throne, he'll sacrifice me to know Uncle Iroh's pain," Azula answered hollowly as she sat on the bed, feeling and looking the part of a puppet whose strings were coming loose.
"And...And Dad agreed to that!?" Zuko all but yelled in disbelief.
"Of course he did," Azula answered, her tone saying it was heartbreakingly obvious to her. "Dad won't give up the throne, and now I'm in the way of that."
Zuko's eyes scrambled before hardening. "What do you need me to do?" he asked with determination.
"For what?" Azula asked with a small frown.
"To get you out of here! Isn't that why you came to me, so I can help you hide or run away?" he asked fiercely.
Azula stared at him in shock for a moment before smiling.
That smile nearly killed Zuko.
It was far too peaceful, too defeated for his prideful little sister.
"No, Zuko. I just came here to tell you everything. That I'm sorry, for everything. For not being a better sister. And-" Azula's speech was brought to an end by a knock on the open door.
The royal siblings had terrified eyes at the sight of the royal guards. "Pardon us, Prince, Princess, but Prince Ozai and Fire Lord Azulon have summoned you, Princess Azula," they informed professionally.
They didn't know. Azula could tell, they were completely at ease and not prepared for her to make a bolt for it. They wanted to keep this quiet. A vindictive part of her thought about attacking the guards, but...
It all felt pointless now…her cunning, her firebending, all her manipulations. It all meant nothing in the end.
"I love you, Zuzu," Azula whispered, as she stood off the bed, and proceeded to walk out of the room.
Zuko could only stare in disbelief, numbness setting over him. Was this the last time he'd see his sister? Would he never hear her voice, her laugh? Never see that scheming twinkle in her eyes? Never see her flames again?
No, he refused to accept that!
For Azula, the walk to the throne room was nonexistent. She was not aware of the distance she walked or the time it took. All she could think of was Zuko. Even for all her faults, they had fun times. Mutual fun, not just fun at his expense. Chasing each other, playing pretend, even sneaking snacks from the kitchen a few times. She couldn't help wondering, if she had another chance at all, could she be a better sister?
Who was she kidding, she was a little monster. Zuko...Zuko probably just loved her because he was too dumb to hate her. Yeah, that had to be it.
But she was happy he wasn't smart enough to stop loving her. She could hold onto that hug they shared, the words he said, to not let the mortal terror overflow her young veins.
The red guards let her in, but did not follow. This was a private, family conversation for the royals.
Azula looked across the vastness of the throne room, feeling so tiny and insignificant as her father and grandfather met her gaze.
She was smart, she caught the tells; The furrowing of Azulon's brow and tensing of his old bones, while her father's eyes widened ever so minutely as his frown deepened. They knew that she knew what this was about.
Even walking to her supposed death, Azula kept herself dignified and controlled. No ten year old should be facing her own end so fearlessly.
But she was not fearless. She was beyond terrified. It was the sheer hopelessness and despair of the situation that allowed her mind to keep herself in check, solely due to the firm and accurate conclusion that there was no way to escape, to survive.
As she drew closer, both men could see it plainly…the vacant eyes of the girl that had deemed herself already a walking corpse. "I..." she started, swallowing the emotions that tried to seize control of her tongue. "I-I have come as ordered. F-father, Gr-grandfather," she greeted as she stood next to her father, her executioner, and before her grandfather, her judge.
"Well, Ozai?" Azulon prompted coldly, glaring at his second born. "What are you waiting for? Agni himself will not do the deed for you."
Ozai grimaced as he stared down at his daughter, his pride, his would-be legacy. She didn't look back; she just turned away from him...and bowed her head, baring her neck to him.
Only Azulon could see it from his vantage point, how his granddaughter began to cry silently as she awaited death's embrace, her eyes trembling with horror.
Her face screamed only one message: I don't want to die!
The old Firelord's gaze shifted to his younger son. As if sensing his gaze, Ozai ignited a fire dagger in one hand. The narrow flame condensed, sharpened, and brightened. It would be an efficient quick stab, a mercifully quick death.
Azula trembled at the sound of the flames screeching in her ear, her shaking hands slowly reaching up to grasp her arms. She wasn't suicidal, she didn't want to die, and so every instinct told her to run, fight back, do something. But her mind told her the truth: it was useless.
Ozai made his move.
And all hell broke loose.
"Boy, don't-!"
Azula had no idea what happened at first, just that her grandfather called out to somebody. The next thing she knew, something barreled into her and the world went spinning, a pained scream in her ears.
It wasn't her scream.
She shot up, sitting on the floor, sound and physical feeling numb to her right now. She was...alive. Her father was standing there, struggling against two men. Archers. Yuyan Archers? Her grandfather was off his throne, looking at her with a look she had never seen on his face. Distress? Regret? Pain?
It took her a moment to realize that he wasn't looking at her.
Her uncomprehending eyes looked to see a familiar figure. It was her brother. He...saved her? He came for her?
He was clutching his face.
He was crying in pain.
She was suddenly very aware of the smell of burnt flesh.
"Zuko? Zuko!?" she cried out, grasping onto him with desperation to help him and hopeless to know how to.
"GUARDS" Azulon bellowed, the royal procession already half way to the throne from the screaming. "Bring the royal physicians here immediately! Prince Zuko has been injured!"
With quick affirmatives of respect, they left, leaving the room once again. "What is the meaning of this, Father?!" Ozai all but snarled. "I was about to give you what you demanded, before the boy interfered."
"Interfered? Interfered!? Is that what you call saving his sister?" Azulon demanded sharply. "You still haven't realized it, Ozai?"
"Realized what?" Ozai asked, looking ready to attack his father if the Yuyan Archers weren't holding him back.
"I told you that you must suffer the same pain as Iroh," Azulon stated with a disappointed headshake. "This confirmed what I feared. That you are INCAPABLE of understanding such grief! You would toss aside anything and everything to secure the power you covet! And in doing so, you proven yourself unfit to be Firelord! Unfit to even be called my son!" he declared, Ozai's eyes widening at the proclamation. "A man like you would not just burn down our enemies, but burnout the Fire Nation itself with your ruthless ambition."
Ozai glared with silent, bloodthirsty rage. "You tricked me."
"No, Ozai, I only confirmed your true nature," Azulon stated with a heavy breath. "As far as I am concerned, the royal family has indeed lost someone today. Not another of my grandchildren, but rather my own son."
"You intend to kill me, Father?" Ozai demanded.
"No, Ozai. You are hereby striped of everything you ever were. For all intents and purposes, the man you were is dead, never to return. And you will be banished from all lands that belong to the Fire Nation," Azulon decreed.
"You old fool, you can't-!"
"Do Not Declare What I Can And Cannot Do, Ozai the Nameless!"
Ozai roared, fire leaping from his mouth as he threw the archers off with a sudden, violent show of strength.
Azulon narrowed his eyes as the flames leapt from Ozai's fist. The Firelord waved both hands before him, one silencing Ozai's fire and the other batting Ozai's fist away.
Azulon was the Son of Sozin. The Son of the Comet. The Firelord of what was approaching to be a Hundred Year War. Old age could not rob him of his strength so easily or completely.
Ozai gasped as his father's hand grabbed his throat. Before he could even try to pry the deceptively frail looking limb from his windpipe, the Yuyan archers made their recovery known, one holding both his arms while the other pointed an arrow at him, very close to his head. Even if he could attack the man, the arrow would likely mortally wound him anyway.
He grit his teeth as he felt Azulon's grasp become scalding hot, "As your son was scarred by his father, you shall be by me, Ozai. Let everyone know by that mark that I was merciful enough to spare the creature my son had become," Azulon declared, father and son sharing a mutual death glare as he seared Ozai's neck.
Meanwhile, Azula was having an out of body experience. Not literally as the stories went in the cases with spirits, but that her body was frantically holding onto Zuko, pleading to know how to help, while her true awareness was listening to the conversation. And yet, the only thing she took from this twisted turns of events was this:
Someone hurt Zuko.
Someone Hurt Zuko.
SOMEONE HURT ZUKO!
Something...snapped into place as her two selves resettled; a moment of perfect, ultimate clarity.
It didn't matter that it was her father that hurt Zuko. It didn't matter that she stood no chance. It didn't even matter that she didn't know how to do this.
All that mattered was making Ozai pay.
Perfect clarity was a beautiful, terrible thing.
All four men became shocked as every flame in the throne room turned to a blue azure. They turned to see the princess raise her right arm, her eyes distant yet clear. Like she was nothing more than a savage beast now.
Upon her arm danced lightning cackling for a target.
It was a shame Azula had no idea how to aim lightning yet.
Azulon growled to himself as the lightning bolts flew out in all directions, far less potent than they would be yet striking at anything and everything. Like the archer pointing an arrow at Ozai.
Jerking out of Azulon's grasp and throwing the other man off him once more, Ozai slammed his elbow to his captor. He was very grateful Azula's attack had caused the archer to gain a painful death grip on his arrow rather than release it. Taking the other one by the leg, Ozai literally threw him at the shocked archer before either could recover.
He gritted his teeth as two, three of Azula's scattered lightning bolts slammed into him. They were weak and unfocused, but they were not harmless.
Ozai was keenly aware that his daughter collapsed onto her brother after that, passed out from the exertion as the flames faded back to their norma colors. In another lifetime, Ozai would have been extremely proud of her for generating lightning at such a young age. Now all was rage, wrath, and ruin.
He fought through the pain, forced his limbs to keep moving as he sent a fireball kick to Azulon. The Firelord blocked it, but it gave Ozai the chance he needed to run to the door.
The forsaken prince heard the mighty fire whip rushing towards him and lost a good chunk of his beard in dodging it. Without hesitation or consideration, he sent a stream of fire back.
At his children.
Flames leapt from Azulon's feet as he stood before the two young royals, parting the flames harmlessly down the middle. His glare grew worried as the flames cleared, seeing Ozai channeling lightning.
Luckily, the stunned Yuyan archer had recovered and drawn his bow and arrow. His vision was unsteady, and so he could not guarantee a lethal shot. And as such, the arrow was aimed at a larger target than Ozai's head.
The son of Azulon gritted his teeth as the arrow buried into his shoulder, the sudden pain enough to fire his attack, the force of the projectile sending the strike of cold-fire crashing into the dais instead. Ozai knew not to chance this anymore, fleeing to the doors. They opened, the imperial firebender barreling in with the doctors and physicians. The sight of the prince running with an arrow through his shoulder was enough to shock and confuse them, giving Ozai all the chance he needed to leap over the group, fleeing down the hall.
"Guards! Capture Ozai! Secure the palace immediately! The rest of you, come! My grandchildren have need of your skills," Azulon ordered sternly.
The groups sprang into action as well disciplined members of the royal palace staff. Questions and official explanations would have to wait for another time.
The Yuyan archer who had wounded Ozai helped up his fellow bowman before turning to the Firelord, who sagged and stroked his head, the years appearing to fall on him for an instant. "My Lord, are you alright?" he asked with a concerned frown.
Azulon looked at his now-fatherless grandchildren. Zuko would be scarred for life, no healer in the Fire Nation could undo that kind of damage. And the girl, that look in her eye when she channeled the lightning. There was damage there, in the mind, and he was uncertain if it wasn't older than this event.
"No. No I am not," he answered after a lengthy pause as the medical experts tended to the children, preparing to take them out on a stretcher. A singular stretcher, for Azula was clutching onto Zuko's arm like a lifeline, even while sleeping. It would be best to handle that in the medical wing. He turned to regard the archers. "One of you, go and find Princess Ursa, bring her here. It's unlikely, but Ozai may try to get to her before attempting to escape," he instructed.
The archer nodded dutifully before speeding off, far faster than most men ever could hope to run.
Azulon took a deep breath as the adrenaline left his old body, the flames of the room dimming with him.
Explaining this to Ursa would not be easy. That woman might just try to kill him when she found out her precious children had been through so much on his account.
Iroh might just help her do it too when he returned.
End of Chapter
And there's chapter 1. So, yeah, I went the route of Azulon not really going to kill his grandchild- because I'll acknowledge the comics when I won't and flip them off otherwise because this is my AU. Azula, meanwhile, has had a (relatively) smaller version of her breakdown in the finale due to her father being willing to throw her aside. And, of course, Zuko gets his scar trying to save his sister this time.
Now, someone of you are wondering, why didn't Ursa find out as in canon? Random timing; Azula showed up at Zuko's room at a slightly different time, thus Ursa didn't stumbled across them. And traumatized or not, Little Azula got a badass moment in creating lightning for the first time.
Still, yeah, canon is effective off the rails and long gone already. Hope you all enjoyed this.
Next up we have Ursa's reaction...and a reminder that her name means Bear.
Chapter 2
Akumakami64
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Azula was dead. At least, she was pretty sure she was. She had never actually died before, so it was hard to be sure.
But it was the only thing that made sense.
She had been summoned by Father.
Grandfather had ordered her death.
She couldn't remember what happened after that.
So, she must be dead, right?
After all, why else would she be staring at her own corpse?
It was a rather numb experience, seeing her body clothed in ceremonial robes and lying upon the altar as the Fire Sages said their prayers. She couldn't hear them, not really, but she got the jist: Daughter of Ozai and Ursa, Fourth in line to the throne, stolen too early from their lives, may Agni guide her soul, etc.
This...also made sense, she guessed? This was why they burned their bodies, so the souls could go free and be guided by Agni's grace into the afterlife. Her body wasn't burned yet, so of course she was still here.
She didn't want to die, she had been very scared about that. But now that she was dead, it all just felt kind of...empty. She was here, and there was nothing that could change that.
Still, she wished the stories had told her what to do, exactly, while waiting for her body to be purified in the flames.
The sages lit her pyre and she was surprised that she didn't feel the need to wince. Maybe the empty feeling was a blessing, allowing her to not be so mortified over watching her former vessel burn away into ash.
She examined the mourners while her body burned. There was an assembly here to pay their respects, but none of them knew her. To the side of the altar was her family.
Her father looking as grim as ever. She expected nothing else...even if she hoped there might have been some regret in his eyes, some sign that her loss meant something to him.
Her grandfather was here. She supposed it would be improper for the Firelord to miss the funeral of his own granddaughter and namesake. Even if he ordered it. He looked as impassive as ever, as if it were a waste of his time.
Her uncle wasn't there. He was still probably marching home from Ba Sing Se. Maybe...maybe she'd say hello to Lu Ten for him, when she was done here.
Her mother...Azula glared pleadingly, mouth upturned into a scowl as her eyes burned. Her mother's head was bowed with a maternal look of sorrow. But that was it. No tears for her? Did...did her mother really think it was good that she was dead, under that mask, that the monster was dead? Or was she containing grief for a state event, no matter how personal? She didn't know and she didn't care which it was, she just...she just wanted to know for sure if her mother ever truly loved her!
Her desperate eyes looked to Zuko. Ty Lee and Mai were not here, that she could see. All her soul's pleading fell on her brother, but she couldn't see his face. He was looking away. He loved her, right? He was sad she was gone, right? He...he hadn't been just saying that to get her out of his hair, right? Zuko wasn't like that! He wasn't like-
He wasn't like her.
He wouldn't...he wouldn't smile at the death of a sibling, like she had when she thought her death sentence had been his instead. Even if he had every reason to. He wasn't her. He wasn't
She stopped trying to see his face and bowed her head. She didn't deserve to see whatever her brother felt now.
She let out a scream of surprise as she felt herself tumbling and twirling as her world grew darker.
She groaned as she picked herself back up. She didn't feel numb or empty anymore. She felt whole in fact. Sadness, disbelief, pain, discomfort, all of it.
Had she passed on? Was this Panasloka, the eternal realm of Agni's favored children?
Why was there so much sand though? She knew deserts could get hot, but she never heard the stories saying anything about san-
Her eyes widened as she gasped before instantly regretting it. She coughed as she crawled back, trying futilely to get away from the grey substance that was coating her clothes and hands, that choked at her throat. She crawled until her back hit a wall, curved and smoothed. She looked up as terror began to overtake her, seeing she was in something almost oval shaped made of a very polished and fine material.
She shakily looked down at the greyness that threatened to swallow her whole and knew what this was.
This was the stuff of nightmares, the story parents told foolish children so that they might...behave. Be good children.
The Penance of Ash.
The legends say, that if Agni found a soul unworthy, he would ban their souls from his domain- and from reincarnation, for those of the faith that believed that extended beyond the Avatar. Instead of passing on, a soul was bound to their ashes until Agni might deem their penance served. For those of the upper classes, this meant being trapped within one's own urn.
To never feel the sun. To never know anything but the taste of thier own ashes and to remain in a darkness illuminated only by their own pitiful soul. To only hear what was spoke to them, if they were ever visited.
Azula panted with tears in her eyes. She couldn't catch her breath. She was dead, she shouldn't need to breath, but Agni's judgement meant she still felt like she did. So that she would always taste her own ashes. Agni had declared it, she was unworthy. If reincarnation, second chances really existed, even those were stripped from her now.
"I'm sorry!" Azula cried out to the lid, knowing none could hear her. That no one would want to. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" she wailed out helplessly, rocking herself in a pit of her own remains.
She thought back, racked her head around for what she could have done to offend Agni himself so greatly, but what did she know about goodness? Of being worthy and unworthy? After all, even her mother knew she was a monster.
Maybe...maybe that was it? Maybe Agni had seen it too, whatever vile thing inside her that made her like she was. Maybe it was because she was so horrid in spite of the gift of blue fire and great potential He blessed her with. Perhaps her wickedness was a personal affront to Him for tainting His blessings?
Her cries turned quiet as she contemplated this. Perhaps it was better this way. There were many tales of monsters being sealed away, in jars and in caves, left to rot where they could trouble no one ever again. That seemed fitting for her, the little monster that was slain before she could grow too dangerous, her soul sealed with her ashes, deep in the Dragonbone Catacombs.
She'd just stay here then. Forever.
Maybe Zuko would visit her.
Just once.
"Azula!"
End of Dream
Her eyes shot open as she instantly sat upright,
She was alive? Yes, yes, she was. This was the infirmary. She was sitting on a bed. And after a quick inspection, there wasn't a corpse of herself in the bed, so she wasn't a ghost. She could feel the blood pumping through her heart, the fire in her veins that surged with life, and the delicious air moving in and out of her lungs.
She was alive, she was okay, she was- not injured in the slightest?
Why was she here?
"Zula!"
The slurred call of her name brought her attention to the only other person in the room right now: Zuko. Why was Zuko here? Why was his head covered in bandages on one side? Why was he sweating and rolling around in his sleep in pain? Why did he sound so delirious? Why was he calling out to her like that?
Why Was She Alive And Zuko Injured!?
Memories flooded back to her. Zuko. Zuko had saved her from Father. Or tried to, since Grandfather didn't really want her dead? That part was fuzzy and, frankly, unimportant.
"Azoola," Zuko sniffled in his sleep, looking like he was ready to cry as he slurred the name more and more.
She was scarcely aware of her own legs as they flung her out of bed, moving to his bedside before she even realized she had crossed the distance. She hesitated, staring at his distressed form. What now? What should she do? What would help?
She didn't know. She didn't know how to help. But as he groaned again, she knew she had to do something.
Careful and uncertain, she reached her hands out towards his. She hesitated for a moment before grasping his hand in both of hers, fingers curling around the palm in what she hoped was a comforting squeeze. "I'm here, Zuko, I'm here," she whispered softly.
Zuko stilled, his one uncovered eye trembling, weakly opening. His eye was glazed, but he was looking right at her. "Az...Azula?" he asked, eyebrow scrunching, face twisting as he forced himself to not fall back to sleep.
Azula nodded before giving him a trembling smile. "Y-yes, it's me, Brother. It's-" she stopped in midsentence. Things wouldn't be fine. Their father was gone after trying to kill her, Zuko's eye must be hurt bad, and Agni only knew what else would go wrong.
"Are you...alright?" Zuko asked, concern bleeding through.
No, she was not alright. She would never be alright. There had never been anything alright about her. But that wasn't what he meant. "I'm fine," she assured, and told herself it wasn't a lie. She wasn't physically hurt.
She almost broke as she saw him smile in relief, releasing whatever hold he had over himself that kept him conscious, falling back into some slumbering realm.
Azula felt tears swell in her eyes. Zuko woke up, just to find out if she was okay. Her, after everything, after he might have lost an eye saving her. He didn't deserve that. Why couldn't it have been her that was hurt and scarred? Why Zuko?
She stood there long after her legs grew tired, but she ignored them and stayed right where she was.
"I promise, Zuzu, I'll be a better sister."
Elsewhere, Azulon was having a conversation he had been steeling himself for. Or he had been, before Zuko had got involved. He didn't need to guess how they knew, but of all nights for little princes and princesses to be spying on the throne room, it had to be this one?
That did nothing to lessen the blow he had received. It was not one of the flesh or words, but of the soul.
Such was the look in Ursa's eyes. How her face could be a carving of fragility and sorrow, but her eyes screeched with a rage like a mother armadillo-bear. If he were anyone else, he might be truly intimidated. But all he felt was regret.
"Father, what has happened?" she asked, her voice soft but her words carrying the weight of thunder. "My husband is missing, I hear my children are injured and the guards will not explain what has happened."
To anyone else, this would look like a lost and confused woman, a wife desperate for answers and a distraught mother. She wasn't. She was a jackal-lioness, sniffing for blood. And so he did not treat her like a fragile woman, but a beast to be appeased. "Ursa, my dear. Do you know why I married you to Ozai?" he asked in a calm, stern voice.
Ursa's mask cracked and she looked at him with confused impatience. "What does that have to do with this?" she asked, barely keeping her tone in check. "Is Ozai claiming some failing on my part?"
"Humor me, my Honored Daughter," Azulon requested simply, not backing down. Technically speaking, she was no match for him. But that implied that Azulon would raise a hand to the mother of his grandchildren.
"We both know why, My Lord," she answered, letting the lack of familial titles be her own warning. "We know who my grandfather was."
Azulon nodded in acknowledgement. "Yes, but did you ever wonder, why Ozai instead of Iroh?"
Ursa paused, and he believed she had an inkling of what this meant. "I presumed it was out of respect for Iroh's beloved wife. And because your second born still lacked one."
Azulon hummed his acceptance. "All these are true, but not the true reason. I considered that marriage to Iroh would have been kinder to you both. You a companion, and he one who might cherish you, if not so romantically," Azulon confessed, taking a breath. "We both know very well what Ozai is like, Ursa. I believed that one such as you in his life would temper him, and his ruthlessness. That having his own family would rid him of his rashest and most irresponsible traits."
"I apologize to have failed on that front, Father," Ursa said, and he knew she meant it. At least somewhat. They both knew that nothing could change Ozai now, but neither of them had been devoid of wishful thinking. "What did my husband do?" she asked, and he could almost believe she was acting as a dutiful wife and not a mother ready to forsake everything, even her husband, for her children.
Azulon didn't answer for a moment, looking off instead toward the Fire Throne. Unlit, but he could distinctly see where the damage had been done. "He requested I make him the Crown Prince."
The words didn't process in Ursa for a moment, but when they did, it was like a blow of lightning. "No, he- so soon? Now?" Ursa muttered in disbelief, her mask in shambles at the revelations. "The fool."
"Indeed," Azulon agreed, glancing back to her.
Ursa looked to him again, and when their eyes met, he wasn't sure what was in her gaze anymore. Was that hatred or fear she was hiding? "What did you do?"
Ah, of course; Both. "I gave him one last chance, to prove he wasn't beyond hope of understanding what it meant to be Firelord," Azulon answered solemnly. "I told him he would never have the throne if he did not learn the same pain as Iroh for his transgression."
Her eyes went wide and they steeled. She said nothing, yet demanded everything with her look.
"I told him to sacrifice your child."
A slap echoed throughout the room.
Azulon rose an eyebrow as Ursa's hand slammed into a pillar, her nails cracking against the polished material. "I wouldn't have begrudged you if you slapped me, Ursa."
"Father, please tell you did not mean to-" her voice was all but a hiss, like some viper ready to poison his blood.
"Calm, Daughter. I never desired to trim the royal bloodline. I only wished to see if Ozai truly was capable of it. If I could see that he couldn't be trusted with his own children, I could never trust him with the fate of the Fire Nation," Azulon promised. "He failed, obviously. For that I stripped him of all he was."
"Everything?" Ursa asked in surprise. "Not just exile, but-"
"Ozai lives only as a man with no title, family and ally to no one, that is to be considered an enemy in all lands of the Fire Nation," Azulon vowed softly. "You never asked which child I ordered."
"Does it matter?" Ursa asked with a glare, even as Azulon smiled. That was enough to shock her out of glaring.
"It did to Ozai," he answered with a disappointed headshake. "He accepted it when he believed it was Zuko, but tried to offer him up when I told him it was Azula's blood to be spilt. And every excuse was of her worth, her potential as an asset and a weapon. Not for an instance did that man ever say anything remotely to mean "You can't ask me to kill my child,"" he said, looking to Ursa with a sorrowful look...and bowed his head. "I apologize, Ursa. For so many things."
Ursa stared in disbelief at the Firelord before recollecting herself. "I...don't know if I can forgive you, Father...but I am grateful that you are not your son. And that my children are alive," she answered as Azulon raised his head, accepting that offering ."Azula?" she repeated, scowling as he nodded. "The guards said it was Prince Zuko that was injured?"
Azulon almost smiled again, and it was almost pride. "I had Yuyan Archers standing by to stop Ozai at the last moment. For I know better than most that saying and doing a deed are two different things. But in the surprise, Zuko was struck by Ozai's fire, believing he was saving his sister after he snuck into the throne room," he explained.
In that moment, Azulon could see that Ursa was being ripped apart by astounding pride in her son's bravery, murderous rage for the danger her children had been in, and unstoppable grief for whatever suffering they both had gone through. "Will he-?"
"He will live, Ursa," Azulon promised firmly. "The doctors say he will be scarred on one side of his face. His eye...we will only know in time."
Ursa was silent, even if Azulon swore he could hear something raging within her. "What happened to Ozai? Why are the guards looking for him?" she asked, steel infesting in her voice.
"Ozai escaped in the chaos," Azulon stated, amending the truth for now. They could address Azula's display of power another time. "He tried to kill them both. As a mere distraction."
"...How could you let this happen?!" Ursa hissed out in a wrathful whisper, her glare refusing to recede.
"Because I am an old man, Ursa," Azulon answered in a hard yet remorseful voice. "An old man who is trying, and perhaps failing, to get his affairs in order before Agni extinguishes my worldly flame."
"May Agni spit on your-!" Ursa bit back the curse, swallowing it. "I'm sorry, My Lord."
"Don't be, Ursa. Nothing we say leaves this room tonight," Azulon promised, turning away with a pause. "Go, Ursa. Be with your children."
She was gone before the final word even left his mouth.
Ursa knew she should be relieved: Her children were alive, Ozai was gone, the Firelord was on the side of her and her children. But all she felt was hate now. The unique, rich hatred only a mother could feel for whatever had threatened her children.
The guards at the door said nothing to her. They had taken one look at Fire Princess Ursa and deemed it best to not say a word, lest they keep her from her son and daughter for another instant.
When Ursa entered, the image that greeted her both froze the blood in her veins and warmed the heart in her chest. Zuko laid there, his princely face wrapped in bandages that concealed his left side. He was sleeping so peacefully though, as if this was all a nightmare. And next to him stood Azula, her hands holding one of his, her stare lacking all malice and cunning. Now her eyes contained only sadness and sorrow as she gazed upon her brother's injured form. They were not Princess Azula and Prince Zuko right now, but a terrified sister watching over her injured brother.
And Ursa was their mother, and their only parent now.
Azula flinched, going stock-still as she felt it. Two warm arms folding around her into an embrace, pulling her softly against the royal robes clothing another's form. She looked to the side in shock, already knowing who it was, who it only could be that might dare to hug her. "M-mother?" Azula whispered, her voice shaking more than she thought it would.
Why was she hugging her? Zuko was the one laying in the bed, injured. Because of her.
"My baby girl," Ursa whispered, her hand rubbing through Azula's hair soothingly. "Are you alright?"
Azula nodded numbly. "Zuko's the one hurt," she stated, as if to remind her mother that she was hugging the wrong child.
Ursa pulled back from the embrace, but never let go of Azula. As if she might disappear if she did. She looked to Zuko and to Azula it looked as if her mother might break as she tearfully gazed upon her wounded child. "My brave little boy," Ursa whispered, hand reaching out to stroke his hair. What he still had.
"I'm...I'm sorry."
Ursa blinked, almost not believing the words as she looked down at her daughter, head bowed with a great and heavy shame about her. "It's not your fault, Azula," Ursa promised, still stunned by Azula apologizing for anything- let alone something so beyond her control.
"Yes it is," Azula insisted, hands trembling at her side. "I...I did this. I told Zuko that Firelord Azulon wanted Father to kill me. Grandfather was never going to let him. If...If I hadn't said anything, Zuko wouldn't have been hurt."
"Azula, that is not your fault," Ursa stated, almost angry as she tilted Azula's chin up. Azula was confused though; How could eyes be so sad on an angered face? "Your Father should have never agreed to sacrifice you, either of you. Your Grandfather should have never drawn that out so far. You have nothing to be ashamed of."
Azula wondered who she inherited her lying from: Her father or her mother. Because her mother told lies like she believed them. She said nothing though but merely dropped her gaze once more.
"...Azula? Why didn't you come to me?" Ursa asked softly, sounding almost hurt.
"You couldn't have done anything," Azula stated without infliction like it was fact. "Nobody could."
"Azula."
The princess froze at the tone, looking up to see the stern, almost wrathful look about her mother, who placed a hand on each of Azula's shoulders and bent down further to be eye level. "You are my daughter. I would have done anything to protect you or your brother," she vowed, as if it was some sacred prayer to Agni.
Maybe it was.
Something caught in Azula's throat, her being trembling under the motherly stare of the woman whose womb she came from. Azula felt her breathing grow labored even though she knew there was nothing wrong with her. So what was wrong with her? "M-mom?"
Ursa's gaze softened. It had been a while since Azula called her Mom instead of Mother.
Azula took the look as invitation to continue. "Can...can you teach me so-something?" Azula requested, her voice trembling as she fought back tears and sobs and screams and- what else was swelling in her chest?!
Ursa looked confused but nodded slowly. "If I can, Azula. What is it you want to know?"
Little did Ursa know was how the words would break her very soul.
"Can you teach me how to not be a monster?"
Ursa stared in dumbfounded disbelief, the world frozen in time for a moment. But her daughter's pleading gaze told her how serious the question was. How much Azula believed it.
"Oh, Azula!" Ursa cried, truly cried as she wrapped her daughter into a hug and let her own tears fall. "Whoever told you that you were a monster?"
Azula didn't answer. She just shook in her mother's embrace before she did something Ursa hadn't heard from her daughter in years.
Her little girl sobbed into her shoulder, little arms wrapping around her larger frame, tiny hand clutching onto her mother as if Azula was the one scared Ursa would vanish.
End of Chapter
And there is Chapter 2. Yeah, if you thought I couldn't outdo the feels from the first chapter, you were wrong. Azula has a nightmare/vision of her death- with a very nasty sentence. Not only that, but she finally got the confirmation that Ursa does love and never thought she was a monster.
And than you have Ursa who, ontop of raging on the inside, can't believe that her daughter ever thought herself a monster. She almost assualted Azulon for very justified and understandable reasons. All in all, I actually had a lot of fun writing Ursa, more than I thought.
So, I hope you all enjoyed your chapterly quota of feels. Next time will have a...more feels, but also a funny moment to lighten the mood just a bit.
As always, please consider tipping to my patreon!
But it was the only thing that made sense.
She had been summoned by Father.
Grandfather had ordered her death.
She couldn't remember what happened after that.
So, she must be dead, right?
After all, why else would she be staring at her own corpse?
It was a rather numb experience, seeing her body clothed in ceremonial robes and lying upon the altar as the Fire Sages said their prayers. She couldn't hear them, not really, but she got the jist: Daughter of Ozai and Ursa, Fourth in line to the throne, stolen too early from their lives, may Agni guide her soul, etc.
This...also made sense, she guessed? This was why they burned their bodies, so the souls could go free and be guided by Agni's grace into the afterlife. Her body wasn't burned yet, so of course she was still here.
She didn't want to die, she had been very scared about that. But now that she was dead, it all just felt kind of...empty. She was here, and there was nothing that could change that.
Still, she wished the stories had told her what to do, exactly, while waiting for her body to be purified in the flames.
The sages lit her pyre and she was surprised that she didn't feel the need to wince. Maybe the empty feeling was a blessing, allowing her to not be so mortified over watching her former vessel burn away into ash.
She examined the mourners while her body burned. There was an assembly here to pay their respects, but none of them knew her. To the side of the altar was her family.
Her father looking as grim as ever. She expected nothing else...even if she hoped there might have been some regret in his eyes, some sign that her loss meant something to him.
Her grandfather was here. She supposed it would be improper for the Firelord to miss the funeral of his own granddaughter and namesake. Even if he ordered it. He looked as impassive as ever, as if it were a waste of his time.
Her uncle wasn't there. He was still probably marching home from Ba Sing Se. Maybe...maybe she'd say hello to Lu Ten for him, when she was done here.
Her mother...Azula glared pleadingly, mouth upturned into a scowl as her eyes burned. Her mother's head was bowed with a maternal look of sorrow. But that was it. No tears for her? Did...did her mother really think it was good that she was dead, under that mask, that the monster was dead? Or was she containing grief for a state event, no matter how personal? She didn't know and she didn't care which it was, she just...she just wanted to know for sure if her mother ever truly loved her!
Her desperate eyes looked to Zuko. Ty Lee and Mai were not here, that she could see. All her soul's pleading fell on her brother, but she couldn't see his face. He was looking away. He loved her, right? He was sad she was gone, right? He...he hadn't been just saying that to get her out of his hair, right? Zuko wasn't like that! He wasn't like-
He wasn't like her.
He wouldn't...he wouldn't smile at the death of a sibling, like she had when she thought her death sentence had been his instead. Even if he had every reason to. He wasn't her. He wasn't
She stopped trying to see his face and bowed her head. She didn't deserve to see whatever her brother felt now.
She let out a scream of surprise as she felt herself tumbling and twirling as her world grew darker.
She groaned as she picked herself back up. She didn't feel numb or empty anymore. She felt whole in fact. Sadness, disbelief, pain, discomfort, all of it.
Had she passed on? Was this Panasloka, the eternal realm of Agni's favored children?
Why was there so much sand though? She knew deserts could get hot, but she never heard the stories saying anything about san-
Her eyes widened as she gasped before instantly regretting it. She coughed as she crawled back, trying futilely to get away from the grey substance that was coating her clothes and hands, that choked at her throat. She crawled until her back hit a wall, curved and smoothed. She looked up as terror began to overtake her, seeing she was in something almost oval shaped made of a very polished and fine material.
She shakily looked down at the greyness that threatened to swallow her whole and knew what this was.
This was the stuff of nightmares, the story parents told foolish children so that they might...behave. Be good children.
The Penance of Ash.
The legends say, that if Agni found a soul unworthy, he would ban their souls from his domain- and from reincarnation, for those of the faith that believed that extended beyond the Avatar. Instead of passing on, a soul was bound to their ashes until Agni might deem their penance served. For those of the upper classes, this meant being trapped within one's own urn.
To never feel the sun. To never know anything but the taste of thier own ashes and to remain in a darkness illuminated only by their own pitiful soul. To only hear what was spoke to them, if they were ever visited.
Azula panted with tears in her eyes. She couldn't catch her breath. She was dead, she shouldn't need to breath, but Agni's judgement meant she still felt like she did. So that she would always taste her own ashes. Agni had declared it, she was unworthy. If reincarnation, second chances really existed, even those were stripped from her now.
"I'm sorry!" Azula cried out to the lid, knowing none could hear her. That no one would want to. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" she wailed out helplessly, rocking herself in a pit of her own remains.
She thought back, racked her head around for what she could have done to offend Agni himself so greatly, but what did she know about goodness? Of being worthy and unworthy? After all, even her mother knew she was a monster.
Maybe...maybe that was it? Maybe Agni had seen it too, whatever vile thing inside her that made her like she was. Maybe it was because she was so horrid in spite of the gift of blue fire and great potential He blessed her with. Perhaps her wickedness was a personal affront to Him for tainting His blessings?
Her cries turned quiet as she contemplated this. Perhaps it was better this way. There were many tales of monsters being sealed away, in jars and in caves, left to rot where they could trouble no one ever again. That seemed fitting for her, the little monster that was slain before she could grow too dangerous, her soul sealed with her ashes, deep in the Dragonbone Catacombs.
She'd just stay here then. Forever.
Maybe Zuko would visit her.
Just once.
"Azula!"
End of Dream
Her eyes shot open as she instantly sat upright,
She was alive? Yes, yes, she was. This was the infirmary. She was sitting on a bed. And after a quick inspection, there wasn't a corpse of herself in the bed, so she wasn't a ghost. She could feel the blood pumping through her heart, the fire in her veins that surged with life, and the delicious air moving in and out of her lungs.
She was alive, she was okay, she was- not injured in the slightest?
Why was she here?
"Zula!"
The slurred call of her name brought her attention to the only other person in the room right now: Zuko. Why was Zuko here? Why was his head covered in bandages on one side? Why was he sweating and rolling around in his sleep in pain? Why did he sound so delirious? Why was he calling out to her like that?
Why Was She Alive And Zuko Injured!?
Memories flooded back to her. Zuko. Zuko had saved her from Father. Or tried to, since Grandfather didn't really want her dead? That part was fuzzy and, frankly, unimportant.
"Azoola," Zuko sniffled in his sleep, looking like he was ready to cry as he slurred the name more and more.
She was scarcely aware of her own legs as they flung her out of bed, moving to his bedside before she even realized she had crossed the distance. She hesitated, staring at his distressed form. What now? What should she do? What would help?
She didn't know. She didn't know how to help. But as he groaned again, she knew she had to do something.
Careful and uncertain, she reached her hands out towards his. She hesitated for a moment before grasping his hand in both of hers, fingers curling around the palm in what she hoped was a comforting squeeze. "I'm here, Zuko, I'm here," she whispered softly.
Zuko stilled, his one uncovered eye trembling, weakly opening. His eye was glazed, but he was looking right at her. "Az...Azula?" he asked, eyebrow scrunching, face twisting as he forced himself to not fall back to sleep.
Azula nodded before giving him a trembling smile. "Y-yes, it's me, Brother. It's-" she stopped in midsentence. Things wouldn't be fine. Their father was gone after trying to kill her, Zuko's eye must be hurt bad, and Agni only knew what else would go wrong.
"Are you...alright?" Zuko asked, concern bleeding through.
No, she was not alright. She would never be alright. There had never been anything alright about her. But that wasn't what he meant. "I'm fine," she assured, and told herself it wasn't a lie. She wasn't physically hurt.
She almost broke as she saw him smile in relief, releasing whatever hold he had over himself that kept him conscious, falling back into some slumbering realm.
Azula felt tears swell in her eyes. Zuko woke up, just to find out if she was okay. Her, after everything, after he might have lost an eye saving her. He didn't deserve that. Why couldn't it have been her that was hurt and scarred? Why Zuko?
She stood there long after her legs grew tired, but she ignored them and stayed right where she was.
"I promise, Zuzu, I'll be a better sister."
Elsewhere, Azulon was having a conversation he had been steeling himself for. Or he had been, before Zuko had got involved. He didn't need to guess how they knew, but of all nights for little princes and princesses to be spying on the throne room, it had to be this one?
That did nothing to lessen the blow he had received. It was not one of the flesh or words, but of the soul.
Such was the look in Ursa's eyes. How her face could be a carving of fragility and sorrow, but her eyes screeched with a rage like a mother armadillo-bear. If he were anyone else, he might be truly intimidated. But all he felt was regret.
"Father, what has happened?" she asked, her voice soft but her words carrying the weight of thunder. "My husband is missing, I hear my children are injured and the guards will not explain what has happened."
To anyone else, this would look like a lost and confused woman, a wife desperate for answers and a distraught mother. She wasn't. She was a jackal-lioness, sniffing for blood. And so he did not treat her like a fragile woman, but a beast to be appeased. "Ursa, my dear. Do you know why I married you to Ozai?" he asked in a calm, stern voice.
Ursa's mask cracked and she looked at him with confused impatience. "What does that have to do with this?" she asked, barely keeping her tone in check. "Is Ozai claiming some failing on my part?"
"Humor me, my Honored Daughter," Azulon requested simply, not backing down. Technically speaking, she was no match for him. But that implied that Azulon would raise a hand to the mother of his grandchildren.
"We both know why, My Lord," she answered, letting the lack of familial titles be her own warning. "We know who my grandfather was."
Azulon nodded in acknowledgement. "Yes, but did you ever wonder, why Ozai instead of Iroh?"
Ursa paused, and he believed she had an inkling of what this meant. "I presumed it was out of respect for Iroh's beloved wife. And because your second born still lacked one."
Azulon hummed his acceptance. "All these are true, but not the true reason. I considered that marriage to Iroh would have been kinder to you both. You a companion, and he one who might cherish you, if not so romantically," Azulon confessed, taking a breath. "We both know very well what Ozai is like, Ursa. I believed that one such as you in his life would temper him, and his ruthlessness. That having his own family would rid him of his rashest and most irresponsible traits."
"I apologize to have failed on that front, Father," Ursa said, and he knew she meant it. At least somewhat. They both knew that nothing could change Ozai now, but neither of them had been devoid of wishful thinking. "What did my husband do?" she asked, and he could almost believe she was acting as a dutiful wife and not a mother ready to forsake everything, even her husband, for her children.
Azulon didn't answer for a moment, looking off instead toward the Fire Throne. Unlit, but he could distinctly see where the damage had been done. "He requested I make him the Crown Prince."
The words didn't process in Ursa for a moment, but when they did, it was like a blow of lightning. "No, he- so soon? Now?" Ursa muttered in disbelief, her mask in shambles at the revelations. "The fool."
"Indeed," Azulon agreed, glancing back to her.
Ursa looked to him again, and when their eyes met, he wasn't sure what was in her gaze anymore. Was that hatred or fear she was hiding? "What did you do?"
Ah, of course; Both. "I gave him one last chance, to prove he wasn't beyond hope of understanding what it meant to be Firelord," Azulon answered solemnly. "I told him he would never have the throne if he did not learn the same pain as Iroh for his transgression."
Her eyes went wide and they steeled. She said nothing, yet demanded everything with her look.
"I told him to sacrifice your child."
A slap echoed throughout the room.
Azulon rose an eyebrow as Ursa's hand slammed into a pillar, her nails cracking against the polished material. "I wouldn't have begrudged you if you slapped me, Ursa."
"Father, please tell you did not mean to-" her voice was all but a hiss, like some viper ready to poison his blood.
"Calm, Daughter. I never desired to trim the royal bloodline. I only wished to see if Ozai truly was capable of it. If I could see that he couldn't be trusted with his own children, I could never trust him with the fate of the Fire Nation," Azulon promised. "He failed, obviously. For that I stripped him of all he was."
"Everything?" Ursa asked in surprise. "Not just exile, but-"
"Ozai lives only as a man with no title, family and ally to no one, that is to be considered an enemy in all lands of the Fire Nation," Azulon vowed softly. "You never asked which child I ordered."
"Does it matter?" Ursa asked with a glare, even as Azulon smiled. That was enough to shock her out of glaring.
"It did to Ozai," he answered with a disappointed headshake. "He accepted it when he believed it was Zuko, but tried to offer him up when I told him it was Azula's blood to be spilt. And every excuse was of her worth, her potential as an asset and a weapon. Not for an instance did that man ever say anything remotely to mean "You can't ask me to kill my child,"" he said, looking to Ursa with a sorrowful look...and bowed his head. "I apologize, Ursa. For so many things."
Ursa stared in disbelief at the Firelord before recollecting herself. "I...don't know if I can forgive you, Father...but I am grateful that you are not your son. And that my children are alive," she answered as Azulon raised his head, accepting that offering ."Azula?" she repeated, scowling as he nodded. "The guards said it was Prince Zuko that was injured?"
Azulon almost smiled again, and it was almost pride. "I had Yuyan Archers standing by to stop Ozai at the last moment. For I know better than most that saying and doing a deed are two different things. But in the surprise, Zuko was struck by Ozai's fire, believing he was saving his sister after he snuck into the throne room," he explained.
In that moment, Azulon could see that Ursa was being ripped apart by astounding pride in her son's bravery, murderous rage for the danger her children had been in, and unstoppable grief for whatever suffering they both had gone through. "Will he-?"
"He will live, Ursa," Azulon promised firmly. "The doctors say he will be scarred on one side of his face. His eye...we will only know in time."
Ursa was silent, even if Azulon swore he could hear something raging within her. "What happened to Ozai? Why are the guards looking for him?" she asked, steel infesting in her voice.
"Ozai escaped in the chaos," Azulon stated, amending the truth for now. They could address Azula's display of power another time. "He tried to kill them both. As a mere distraction."
"...How could you let this happen?!" Ursa hissed out in a wrathful whisper, her glare refusing to recede.
"Because I am an old man, Ursa," Azulon answered in a hard yet remorseful voice. "An old man who is trying, and perhaps failing, to get his affairs in order before Agni extinguishes my worldly flame."
"May Agni spit on your-!" Ursa bit back the curse, swallowing it. "I'm sorry, My Lord."
"Don't be, Ursa. Nothing we say leaves this room tonight," Azulon promised, turning away with a pause. "Go, Ursa. Be with your children."
She was gone before the final word even left his mouth.
Ursa knew she should be relieved: Her children were alive, Ozai was gone, the Firelord was on the side of her and her children. But all she felt was hate now. The unique, rich hatred only a mother could feel for whatever had threatened her children.
The guards at the door said nothing to her. They had taken one look at Fire Princess Ursa and deemed it best to not say a word, lest they keep her from her son and daughter for another instant.
When Ursa entered, the image that greeted her both froze the blood in her veins and warmed the heart in her chest. Zuko laid there, his princely face wrapped in bandages that concealed his left side. He was sleeping so peacefully though, as if this was all a nightmare. And next to him stood Azula, her hands holding one of his, her stare lacking all malice and cunning. Now her eyes contained only sadness and sorrow as she gazed upon her brother's injured form. They were not Princess Azula and Prince Zuko right now, but a terrified sister watching over her injured brother.
And Ursa was their mother, and their only parent now.
Azula flinched, going stock-still as she felt it. Two warm arms folding around her into an embrace, pulling her softly against the royal robes clothing another's form. She looked to the side in shock, already knowing who it was, who it only could be that might dare to hug her. "M-mother?" Azula whispered, her voice shaking more than she thought it would.
Why was she hugging her? Zuko was the one laying in the bed, injured. Because of her.
"My baby girl," Ursa whispered, her hand rubbing through Azula's hair soothingly. "Are you alright?"
Azula nodded numbly. "Zuko's the one hurt," she stated, as if to remind her mother that she was hugging the wrong child.
Ursa pulled back from the embrace, but never let go of Azula. As if she might disappear if she did. She looked to Zuko and to Azula it looked as if her mother might break as she tearfully gazed upon her wounded child. "My brave little boy," Ursa whispered, hand reaching out to stroke his hair. What he still had.
"I'm...I'm sorry."
Ursa blinked, almost not believing the words as she looked down at her daughter, head bowed with a great and heavy shame about her. "It's not your fault, Azula," Ursa promised, still stunned by Azula apologizing for anything- let alone something so beyond her control.
"Yes it is," Azula insisted, hands trembling at her side. "I...I did this. I told Zuko that Firelord Azulon wanted Father to kill me. Grandfather was never going to let him. If...If I hadn't said anything, Zuko wouldn't have been hurt."
"Azula, that is not your fault," Ursa stated, almost angry as she tilted Azula's chin up. Azula was confused though; How could eyes be so sad on an angered face? "Your Father should have never agreed to sacrifice you, either of you. Your Grandfather should have never drawn that out so far. You have nothing to be ashamed of."
Azula wondered who she inherited her lying from: Her father or her mother. Because her mother told lies like she believed them. She said nothing though but merely dropped her gaze once more.
"...Azula? Why didn't you come to me?" Ursa asked softly, sounding almost hurt.
"You couldn't have done anything," Azula stated without infliction like it was fact. "Nobody could."
"Azula."
The princess froze at the tone, looking up to see the stern, almost wrathful look about her mother, who placed a hand on each of Azula's shoulders and bent down further to be eye level. "You are my daughter. I would have done anything to protect you or your brother," she vowed, as if it was some sacred prayer to Agni.
Maybe it was.
Something caught in Azula's throat, her being trembling under the motherly stare of the woman whose womb she came from. Azula felt her breathing grow labored even though she knew there was nothing wrong with her. So what was wrong with her? "M-mom?"
Ursa's gaze softened. It had been a while since Azula called her Mom instead of Mother.
Azula took the look as invitation to continue. "Can...can you teach me so-something?" Azula requested, her voice trembling as she fought back tears and sobs and screams and- what else was swelling in her chest?!
Ursa looked confused but nodded slowly. "If I can, Azula. What is it you want to know?"
Little did Ursa know was how the words would break her very soul.
"Can you teach me how to not be a monster?"
Ursa stared in dumbfounded disbelief, the world frozen in time for a moment. But her daughter's pleading gaze told her how serious the question was. How much Azula believed it.
"Oh, Azula!" Ursa cried, truly cried as she wrapped her daughter into a hug and let her own tears fall. "Whoever told you that you were a monster?"
Azula didn't answer. She just shook in her mother's embrace before she did something Ursa hadn't heard from her daughter in years.
Her little girl sobbed into her shoulder, little arms wrapping around her larger frame, tiny hand clutching onto her mother as if Azula was the one scared Ursa would vanish.
End of Chapter
And there is Chapter 2. Yeah, if you thought I couldn't outdo the feels from the first chapter, you were wrong. Azula has a nightmare/vision of her death- with a very nasty sentence. Not only that, but she finally got the confirmation that Ursa does love and never thought she was a monster.
And than you have Ursa who, ontop of raging on the inside, can't believe that her daughter ever thought herself a monster. She almost assualted Azulon for very justified and understandable reasons. All in all, I actually had a lot of fun writing Ursa, more than I thought.
So, I hope you all enjoyed your chapterly quota of feels. Next time will have a...more feels, but also a funny moment to lighten the mood just a bit.
As always, please consider tipping to my patreon!
Chapter 3
Akumakami64
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The first thing Zuko felt was fear. It was something instinctual, a subconscious feeling that something was very different and very wrong.
He pushed himself up and realize the first part of the "wrongness."
This wasn't his bed. Which meant that this wasn't his room.
Where was he!? Where?! How did he get here?
His head felt strange, heavy as he brought it up, eyes blinking open. Why was everything still fuzzy?
And why could he only see one side of his nose?
He started to clutch at the blind side of his head and felt...something there. It was some kind of fabric, and it was held tight on his head.
Why was it tight?
"Prince Zuko, you're awake!"
He cried in alarm at the voice, muffled through one ear, and nearly fell out of the bed in the process.
"Please, don't move so quickly, My Prince! You'll only worsen your injuries!" the voice called, and he suddenly felt a hand gently yet firmly push him back on the bed before he might slip off.
He didn't fight it, too busy groaning as his covered-face began to throb beneath the cloth. "Who are you?" he asked, his voice slurred and almost foreign to his own ears as he squinted towards the voice.
"I am Chazun, Prince Zuko. Your Physician," the man answered patiently, falling silent as Zuko stared at him.
Zuko 's vision cleared just enough for him to see the brown eyed man, his hair and beard greying yet not showing any white yet. He was wearing white robes, a color reserved for funerals and doctors.
A doctor. Something about that made Zuko very worried about the bandages on his face.
Along with the stinging sensation beneath them, growing more intense and spreading slowly.
"What's wrong with me?" he asked, the words softly echoing in his own good ear.
"You were injured, Prince Zuko," Chazun explained with a consoling voice. "We've been treating the wound as best we could-"
"What wound?" he asked suddenly as something, some memory poked at the back of his mind.
There was a long, heavy silence at that as his mind drifted back to a dark throne room, lit by fire.
"Prince Zuko, what do you remember?" Chazun asked warily.
Zuko scowled, then flinched. "I...I was burned," he remembered as his hand shook.
Right, he had jumped to save...to save...Azula?
Why would he need to save Azula? Why would she be in danger, and just standing there waiting for it?
Why would he need to protect her when Grandfather and Father were th-
"No," he whispered in shock, clutching the side of his face.
He had to protect her because Grandfather ordered it.
"No, no, no, no!" he whispered with dread, his body paling.
He had to protect her because Father was going to kill her.
"My prince, you must-" Chazun called urgently, only to step back as Zuko swiped out his fist with a weak flame about it.
"Get back!" Zuko demanded frantically as he became incredibly aware of one thing and one thing only. "Where is she?! Where is my sister!?"
"Zuko!"
The whole world appeared to freeze to the prince, his own name echoing in his ears. His gaze went to the door and saw the speaker was already approaching his bed; his mother. "Oh, Zuko," she whispered with too many emotions, bringing her son into an embrace without another word.
"Mom," Zuko said, love and sorrow and tiredness all in his voice. "Mom, Azula! Wher-"
"She's fine, Zuko," Ursa promised, pulling back to smile. It was a strange smile, so proud yet somehow almost broken in a way. "You have nothing to be afraid of."
"But Father! Grandfather!" Zuko exclaimed, not sure what else to say. How could any of them be safe after that?
"Your father is gone, Zuko," Ursa said bluntly, unsure if Zuko would be relieved or heartbroken by this.
Zuko blinked. Gone, that could mean many things. "You mean he's...?" he swallowed, his meaning clear.
Ursa shook her head. "Firelord Azulon, was...wrong to do things in that manner, but he did not intend harm to come to you or your sister. He didn't want to believe his own son would do such a thing, but felt he needed to know," she explained carefully, her tone bitter, her fingers trembling with motherly rage.
Zuko wasn't sure he understood, not really, but he nodded all the same. Azula was safe. Grandfather was...maybe safe to be around? Father was gone. That made sense for the most part. "Mom? What's wrong? Why does my face hurt so much," Zuko asked, cringing as he felt a stabbing sensation in his face if his facial muscles moved too much.
The Fire Princess looked pointedly to the doctor. "I thought it was time to hear how the prince was feeling before giving him more medicine for the pain, Lady Ursa," Chazun explained carefully.
Ursa scowled, but understood the need. They had to be sure that the damage wasn't worse than just a scar. As bad as that was, it could be much worse for the young prince. "Zuko, Doctor Chazun will take care of the pain, but he needs to ask you some questions to try and make sure you're getting better. Okay?" she asked in a sweet, encouraging voice.
Zuko nodded softly, but had a question of his own that remained unanswered. "Where's Azula?"
"She went for a walk, Sweetie. You've been asleep for a while and I made her get some fresh air," Ursa explained.
Meanwhile
"Monster!"
Azula didn't react. Not when she was slammed against the tree, not when she was held there by fists as tiny as her own, not when normally bored eyes glared wrathfully into her own and certainly not when that word left the tongue of a friend.
"What did you do to Zuko!?" Mai demanded, looking more emotional and more animal than she ever had in the past as she pinned the princess to the tree.
"Mai, stop it! Can't you see she's upset too!" Ty Lee stated, trying to pull Mai off of Azula, "Her aura-!"
"I don't want to hear it from you, Ty Lee! I want to hear it from her!" Mai demanded, refusing to be moved.
Azula's golden eyes met Mai's gaze, and the young princess thought it was kind of funny. There were a hundred ways she could destroy Mai in this exact moment:
Cruelly lay into her feelings for Zuko, to have caused this sort of reaction.
Call for guards, who would instantly be upon Mai for harming one of royal blood.
Or simply overpower her, fight her off. It would be easy, even without Firebending. She was faster and stronger than Mai. She could wrench these hands from her person and dislocate the arms with enough effort.
But she didn't. Just like she didn't answer Mai. One should only defend what was worth protecting, and Azula couldn't find much worth in herself at all right now. Her mind, her bending and even her royal blood felt wasted on her. So she just stood there, limply against the tree, and let one of her only friends hate her.
Still...
"Am I a monster, Mai?"
That question made the courtyard go quiet as Mai stared at the princess in shock.
"Azula," Ty Lee breathed with a shuddering sadness to her voice, cautiously approaching Azula.
For neither girl had ever seen the young princess cry as she did now, tears flowing freely. "Mo-Mother says I'm not a monster," Azula continued. She didn't sniffle, she fought away all stuttering. Even without the desire to hold up her image, some traits were just too habitual to let go of. "But parents lie, sometimes to be nice. But I don't think you've ever lied to me, Mai. Am I a monster?"
"I..." Mai's grip slackened, not sure who she was even talking to anymore. This wasn't the Azula she knew. "I didn't mean it, Azula. I, just- What happened?"
Azula smiled. It wasn't cruel, it wasn't cunning. It was just...empty. "My father was going to kill me, and Zuko saved me," Azula explained, her smile widening to clearly painful degrees, as if it was somehow important for her to smile as wide as she could. "And he didn't even need to. How f-funny is that?"
Ty Lee gasped, the shock broken, as she leaped forward to embrace Azula. "Oh, Azula! I'm so...I can't believe anybody would be so horrible! Your own father!"
"I guess it says something about what kind of daughter I am," Azula remarked self-degradingly.
"What's gotten into you?" Mai asked quietly, placing a hand on Azula's shoulder.
Azula stared at the ground, almost desperate to ignore the warm embrace of the affectionate acrobat. "I was walking to my death, Mai, and I realized...the world wouldn't be bad without me. Maybe even better."
"Don't talk like that! You know that's not true!" Ty Lee defended, looking downright afraid of how her friend was talking.
"Is it?" Azula asked with an empty smirk. "Father would still had Zuko, and could always try for another child. I thought Mother believed I was a monster; she says I'm not, but...maybe she'd have a child easier to love than me. And Zuko wouldn't have me to torment him."
"Azula, Zuko loves you," Mai stated, squeezing her shoulder.
"I know. He's too stupid to realize he shouldn't," Azula agreed, almost like it was funny.
"What about us?" Ty Lee asked with a small voice. "Did you really think we wouldn't miss you?"
Azula didn't say anything for a moment. She looked so small and empty to the girls, like a puppet whose strings were cut. "I'm a poor choice of friend. You'd both be better off with-"
Azula stopped. She was prepared for and anticipating Ty Lee's hug. She never planned for Mai giving her one as well. "It's official," Mai said with a sigh. "You're the new DumDum, Azula."
"W-what?" Azula asked softly, caught off guard by the stoic girl's affection.
"I don't understand what happened, but I know this, Azula," Mai said as she pulled back with Ty Lee, both smiling at Azula; Ty Lee's wide and warm, Mai's small and accepting. "We love you, Azula. You're our best friend."
Azula's legs trembled, fingers gripping into the tree. "W-why?"
It felt like their eyes told a hundred and one answers to her question, answers she was desperate to hear, answers she didn't believe she'd understand.
"AZULA!"
But that interruption wasn't entirely unwelcome.
The trio looked over in alarm as a familiar blur rushed towards them. "Zuko, wh-GAH?!" Azula tried to ask, only for her older brother to literally crash into her. The princess found herself completely bewildered out of her self-pity as she found herself soaked in the pond with Zuko hugging her very tightly. "Umm, what?" This was all she could say as Zuko stood up, still hugging her and essentially holding her now. She looked to her friends, wondering if this was still reality, as they stared in equal bafflement.
"Zula!" Zuko never called her that. In fact, she wasn't sure he was calling her that now. His voice was just so slurred and groggy that her name came out like that, like he was still half-asleep. "You're okay!"
"Yyyyes, I am, Zuko," Azula said awkwardly, blushing a bit as her brother continued to hug her like an oversized stuffed animal, both of them still drenched. "What are you doing here?" she asked, really wanting to turn around and get a look at him- because Ty Lee and Mai's expression were melting a bit towards horror, and she had a good idea why.
"I was worried about you and snuck out," he answered, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "I kept burning through the killerpains."
"You means painkillers?" Azula corrected automatically, wincing at the implication. A Firebender's inner flame could be their own worse enemy in terms of medicine, mistakenly burning away cures and treatments.
"Zuko...your face," Ty Lee said softly. "What...did..."
"My dad did this," Zuko answered before scowling in a stupidly thoughtful way. "Or not-Dad. Dads can't be Dads anymore if they try to kill their kids, right?"
"Zuko, put me down, you need to return to the doctors," Azula instructed weakly.
"I will. After my sister stops looking so sad," Zuko stated with a grin.
"This would be hilarious if it wasn't so depressing," Mai muttered softly, looking at the prince in concern. "Zuko?"
"Hmm?" Zuko turned to look at her, refusing to release his sibling even slightly.
"Does it hurt? Right now, I mean?" Mai asked, feeling very stupid for asking an obvious question, but it was a bit concerning between the bandages getting wet and talk of painkillers.
"Of yeah, it hurts a lot. Like a hundred butterbees on my face," Zuko answered, completely serious as the girls winced. "But I thought something bad might have happened to Azula. And it's not as bad as before."
No one dared to ask what he meant exactly by "before."
"But thank you for asking, Pretty One," Zuko said with a grin.
"P-pretty one?!" Mai asked in alarm, her face turning red.
Zuko nodded, Azula still in his surprisingly strong grasp. "That's what I used to call you before I knew your name, Mai."
"Oh, oh, what was I called?" Ty Lee asked eagerly.
"Poodle-Monkey," Zuko answered instantly.
"Hey, why don't I get a cute nickname?" Ty Lee asked with a pout.
"But poodle-monkeys are cute?" Zuko answered with a head tilt.
"Oh. Okay then!" Ty Lee accepted, doing a complete reverse in her demeanor.
"Brother," Azula spoke up with a small voice. "Please let me down."
Something seemed to click in Zuko's compromised brain, releasing his sister with a concerned and curious look.
Azula shuddered, Mai and Ty Lee watching her with sad eyes as she turned to look up at Zuko for the first time.
She paled; She had seen him in the hospital bed plenty now, but seeing him standing there somehow made it all the more real. Most of his hair shaven off, the left side of his face practically mummified. But she could still see the edges of the wound peaking out beneath the bandages.
She fell to her knees and started to wretch, her previous meal spilling onto the ground in a disgusting display of weakness on her part. She didn't care. All she knew was that her brother was scarred for life and it was because of her. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she whispered over and over again.
She blacked out, she realized. One moment she was heaving in the garden, the next she was being carried through the palace as fast as Zuko's legs could carry them. In a bridal carry no less, Zuko holding her close to his chest as if his sister was some precious artifact that needed protecting.
The idea would have made Azula laugh days ago. This entire day would have been hilarious to her. Now she could only cry softly.
"Zuko, there you-!" their mother's voice came in relief, cut short at the sight. "Azula? Is everything okay?...Why are you both all wet?" she asked in concern, kneeling down in front of them.
"Azula is sick." This was all Zuko said as he adjusted his hold on her. "I'm taking her back to the doctor with me."
Ursa stared at Zuko for a long moment, processing what she was just told: Zuko snuck out of the medical wing, found his sister, and carried her all the way through the palace while injured and drugged himself. Ursa couldn't help smiling at her little prince. "Well, let your mother help then," Ursa said as she took Azula from Zuko, and laid the princess against her shoulder.
Azula wanted to protest. To say she was fine, that she could walk just fine, that they didn't...that they shouldn't worry about her. But words failed her right now. All she had left now were two words: "I'm sorry."
"You have nothing to be sorry for, my dear," Ursa promised softly as she stood up, using her free hand to take one of Zuko's, leading them both back to where very worried doctors would be waiting for them. "I don't know where you got this horrible idea in your head, Azula," Ursa whispered to Azula. "But you are very loved and precious."
Azula's hands gripped tightly into her mother's clothes, letting those words sooth her mind.
She wondered, was her mother lying to Azula or herself?
Still, Azula appreciated it all the same.
After all, it was a beautiful lie.
Elsewhere
Crown Prince Iroh was a troubled man. As any father should be, having to watch his own son die in battle. His normal exuberance, enough on its own to keep warm many home-sick hearts, was long drained away. His orders were simple and somber, but no less wise. The retreat from Ba Sing Se was a dangerous one; Earth Kingdom forces harassed and raided them, both professional soldiers and guerilla resistance. It was a long journey back to the Hu Xin provinces, and Iroh was determined to minimalize any further lose of life of his countrymen.
Six hundred days was far, far too long to be away from home.
But the retreat was met with mixed reactions among his soldiers. He could not fault them. It was why he had not called off the siege sooner; no one wanted to return in defeat. And there was no minor victory with that accursed city, it was all or nothing. And once his army had gotten through the first wall, he had unknowingly trapped himself between the growing cost of life and the common desire to see this through to the end. Because no Fire Nation- No, no force at all had ever penetrated Ba Sing Se as they had. Victory was just out of reach.
It had taken the death of his beloved son, Lu Ten, to realize that the cost had become too much. It had been too much for a long time, he believed.
Still, as frustrated or disappointed as some soldiers were, there was an overall sense of relief as well. It was impossible not to feel so, having spent nearly a year within Ba Sing Se, the enemy soldiers and the dreaded Dai Li making life a genuine nightmare for even the veterans of the Fire Nation army. They had to be on their guard still, yes, but that was normal and predictable danger that many soldiers would gladly take over Ba Sing Se.
In truth though, Iroh was not so certain he was going home with his forces. It wasn't shame or fear that made him waver, but...
He felt lost, adrift in life with his son gone, his very world. His eyes had often found their ways often to the distant horizons, contemplating a different destination. One where humans normally did not tread.
Yet he held off. He had to make sure the survivors of his failed siege reached friendly territory alive. That would be at least a week still, likely longer. More than two if the Earth Kingdom forces felt emboldened enough to pursue him further than they normally dared.
Yet all his plans and uncertainties had been dashed when he received two important messages.
The first was not to him specifically, but a proclamation sent to all corners of the lands controlled by his country: His brother, Prince Ozai, had been banished and stripped of all he ever was, even his name. He was not to be given refuge or aid by any citizen within the Lands of the Fire Nation, colonies or otherwise. Along with this was a poster of him, depicting a scar upon his neck that Iroh knew his brother had NOT possessed before. However, it was the crimes that were most troubling: Dishonor in the highest, attempted murder of the royal family and one's own children.
Iroh had paled harshly at that message, but managed to control himself at the key word: Attempted. Whatever this madness was, Ozai had not killed his children. He worried for Ursa, her death might have been covered up, but chose not to dwell on that. What he did dwell on was the second message, which was specifically for him.
"Crown Prince Iroh,
My Son. I would wish that this message finds you in pleasant times, but I know this is not possible in your time of grief. Know that I would not call upon you now if it were not a matter of urgency: you are needed at the capital. This is not a matter of war or politics, Iroh, but of family. Your brother has proven himself irredeemable and I believe I may have lapsed in how I decided to test his foolishness.
Forgive your father's selfishness, my son. I know I have already asked much of you, but I believe Ursa's children need you. And while I cannot pretend to know your feelings, Iroh, perhaps it is you that needs them as well. You are not the only one that grieves for Lu Ten.
Your Father,
Firelord Azulon"
Iroh had scowled long and hard over the meaning of these two messages. He knew his brother was power hungry. He even knew Ozai held Zuko, the man's own firstborn, in contempt for reasons both clear and unknown. But Iroh knew his father well. As much as the old Firelord disfavored and disapproved of Ozai at times, their father had never marked his younger son with any true contempt. At least not the kind that would make Azulon banish and brand Ozai, let alone declaring the man Nameless and his old identity effectively dead in the eyes of their laws.
Something had happened, obviously. But was it something he could help with? Oh, there was no question it was within Iroh's means to give aid, be it emotional or political or anything else.
The issue was if he could bring himself to, if he wouldn't collapse inward and cause more harm than good.
His eyes looked to the dawning sun, the presence of Agni's greatest gift arousing his army in a timely matter all on its own. As the silence of the camp began dying to the cacophony of men preparing to travel once more, his mind flashed to memories of his own beloved son. But unlike before, it was not memories of just him and Lu Ten, but of his seeing his son with Ozai's children. Playing, laughing, teasing. Showing them Firebending to their delighted eyes.
Lu Ten had been an only child, but it had never seemed so when he was around Zuko and Azula.
For the first time since the death of his son, Iroh smiled. It was small, but it was there. No one could ever replace Lu Ten, but he could protect and help the family he had left...the family Lu Ten loved.
When he met with the officers of the army, to plan for the next part of their journey, they all stopped to stare at him. Even those unhappy with abandoning the siege looked relieved to see their great general in a better state of mind.
The Dragon of the West smiled. It wasn't happy or sad, but patient and wise. "Ladies and Gentlemen, Soldiers of the Fire Nation: Shall we go home?"
End of Chapter
And there it is, the third chapter. For the record, I did not plan on Drugged Zuko before I wrote that scene, it just dawned on me. While it brightened the mood a bit, it wasn't like the girls were going to NOt react to his bandages and everything. Still, yeah, Azula had a very back and forth moment with Mai and Ty Lee. Still, yeah, Azula's issues are NOT going away anytime soon.
And Iroh is coming back. Maybe not going on his Spirit Quest. Which, you know, is a game changer on its own.
He pushed himself up and realize the first part of the "wrongness."
This wasn't his bed. Which meant that this wasn't his room.
Where was he!? Where?! How did he get here?
His head felt strange, heavy as he brought it up, eyes blinking open. Why was everything still fuzzy?
And why could he only see one side of his nose?
He started to clutch at the blind side of his head and felt...something there. It was some kind of fabric, and it was held tight on his head.
Why was it tight?
"Prince Zuko, you're awake!"
He cried in alarm at the voice, muffled through one ear, and nearly fell out of the bed in the process.
"Please, don't move so quickly, My Prince! You'll only worsen your injuries!" the voice called, and he suddenly felt a hand gently yet firmly push him back on the bed before he might slip off.
He didn't fight it, too busy groaning as his covered-face began to throb beneath the cloth. "Who are you?" he asked, his voice slurred and almost foreign to his own ears as he squinted towards the voice.
"I am Chazun, Prince Zuko. Your Physician," the man answered patiently, falling silent as Zuko stared at him.
Zuko 's vision cleared just enough for him to see the brown eyed man, his hair and beard greying yet not showing any white yet. He was wearing white robes, a color reserved for funerals and doctors.
A doctor. Something about that made Zuko very worried about the bandages on his face.
Along with the stinging sensation beneath them, growing more intense and spreading slowly.
"What's wrong with me?" he asked, the words softly echoing in his own good ear.
"You were injured, Prince Zuko," Chazun explained with a consoling voice. "We've been treating the wound as best we could-"
"What wound?" he asked suddenly as something, some memory poked at the back of his mind.
There was a long, heavy silence at that as his mind drifted back to a dark throne room, lit by fire.
"Prince Zuko, what do you remember?" Chazun asked warily.
Zuko scowled, then flinched. "I...I was burned," he remembered as his hand shook.
Right, he had jumped to save...to save...Azula?
Why would he need to save Azula? Why would she be in danger, and just standing there waiting for it?
Why would he need to protect her when Grandfather and Father were th-
"No," he whispered in shock, clutching the side of his face.
He had to protect her because Grandfather ordered it.
"No, no, no, no!" he whispered with dread, his body paling.
He had to protect her because Father was going to kill her.
"My prince, you must-" Chazun called urgently, only to step back as Zuko swiped out his fist with a weak flame about it.
"Get back!" Zuko demanded frantically as he became incredibly aware of one thing and one thing only. "Where is she?! Where is my sister!?"
"Zuko!"
The whole world appeared to freeze to the prince, his own name echoing in his ears. His gaze went to the door and saw the speaker was already approaching his bed; his mother. "Oh, Zuko," she whispered with too many emotions, bringing her son into an embrace without another word.
"Mom," Zuko said, love and sorrow and tiredness all in his voice. "Mom, Azula! Wher-"
"She's fine, Zuko," Ursa promised, pulling back to smile. It was a strange smile, so proud yet somehow almost broken in a way. "You have nothing to be afraid of."
"But Father! Grandfather!" Zuko exclaimed, not sure what else to say. How could any of them be safe after that?
"Your father is gone, Zuko," Ursa said bluntly, unsure if Zuko would be relieved or heartbroken by this.
Zuko blinked. Gone, that could mean many things. "You mean he's...?" he swallowed, his meaning clear.
Ursa shook her head. "Firelord Azulon, was...wrong to do things in that manner, but he did not intend harm to come to you or your sister. He didn't want to believe his own son would do such a thing, but felt he needed to know," she explained carefully, her tone bitter, her fingers trembling with motherly rage.
Zuko wasn't sure he understood, not really, but he nodded all the same. Azula was safe. Grandfather was...maybe safe to be around? Father was gone. That made sense for the most part. "Mom? What's wrong? Why does my face hurt so much," Zuko asked, cringing as he felt a stabbing sensation in his face if his facial muscles moved too much.
The Fire Princess looked pointedly to the doctor. "I thought it was time to hear how the prince was feeling before giving him more medicine for the pain, Lady Ursa," Chazun explained carefully.
Ursa scowled, but understood the need. They had to be sure that the damage wasn't worse than just a scar. As bad as that was, it could be much worse for the young prince. "Zuko, Doctor Chazun will take care of the pain, but he needs to ask you some questions to try and make sure you're getting better. Okay?" she asked in a sweet, encouraging voice.
Zuko nodded softly, but had a question of his own that remained unanswered. "Where's Azula?"
"She went for a walk, Sweetie. You've been asleep for a while and I made her get some fresh air," Ursa explained.
Meanwhile
"Monster!"
Azula didn't react. Not when she was slammed against the tree, not when she was held there by fists as tiny as her own, not when normally bored eyes glared wrathfully into her own and certainly not when that word left the tongue of a friend.
"What did you do to Zuko!?" Mai demanded, looking more emotional and more animal than she ever had in the past as she pinned the princess to the tree.
"Mai, stop it! Can't you see she's upset too!" Ty Lee stated, trying to pull Mai off of Azula, "Her aura-!"
"I don't want to hear it from you, Ty Lee! I want to hear it from her!" Mai demanded, refusing to be moved.
Azula's golden eyes met Mai's gaze, and the young princess thought it was kind of funny. There were a hundred ways she could destroy Mai in this exact moment:
Cruelly lay into her feelings for Zuko, to have caused this sort of reaction.
Call for guards, who would instantly be upon Mai for harming one of royal blood.
Or simply overpower her, fight her off. It would be easy, even without Firebending. She was faster and stronger than Mai. She could wrench these hands from her person and dislocate the arms with enough effort.
But she didn't. Just like she didn't answer Mai. One should only defend what was worth protecting, and Azula couldn't find much worth in herself at all right now. Her mind, her bending and even her royal blood felt wasted on her. So she just stood there, limply against the tree, and let one of her only friends hate her.
Still...
"Am I a monster, Mai?"
That question made the courtyard go quiet as Mai stared at the princess in shock.
"Azula," Ty Lee breathed with a shuddering sadness to her voice, cautiously approaching Azula.
For neither girl had ever seen the young princess cry as she did now, tears flowing freely. "Mo-Mother says I'm not a monster," Azula continued. She didn't sniffle, she fought away all stuttering. Even without the desire to hold up her image, some traits were just too habitual to let go of. "But parents lie, sometimes to be nice. But I don't think you've ever lied to me, Mai. Am I a monster?"
"I..." Mai's grip slackened, not sure who she was even talking to anymore. This wasn't the Azula she knew. "I didn't mean it, Azula. I, just- What happened?"
Azula smiled. It wasn't cruel, it wasn't cunning. It was just...empty. "My father was going to kill me, and Zuko saved me," Azula explained, her smile widening to clearly painful degrees, as if it was somehow important for her to smile as wide as she could. "And he didn't even need to. How f-funny is that?"
Ty Lee gasped, the shock broken, as she leaped forward to embrace Azula. "Oh, Azula! I'm so...I can't believe anybody would be so horrible! Your own father!"
"I guess it says something about what kind of daughter I am," Azula remarked self-degradingly.
"What's gotten into you?" Mai asked quietly, placing a hand on Azula's shoulder.
Azula stared at the ground, almost desperate to ignore the warm embrace of the affectionate acrobat. "I was walking to my death, Mai, and I realized...the world wouldn't be bad without me. Maybe even better."
"Don't talk like that! You know that's not true!" Ty Lee defended, looking downright afraid of how her friend was talking.
"Is it?" Azula asked with an empty smirk. "Father would still had Zuko, and could always try for another child. I thought Mother believed I was a monster; she says I'm not, but...maybe she'd have a child easier to love than me. And Zuko wouldn't have me to torment him."
"Azula, Zuko loves you," Mai stated, squeezing her shoulder.
"I know. He's too stupid to realize he shouldn't," Azula agreed, almost like it was funny.
"What about us?" Ty Lee asked with a small voice. "Did you really think we wouldn't miss you?"
Azula didn't say anything for a moment. She looked so small and empty to the girls, like a puppet whose strings were cut. "I'm a poor choice of friend. You'd both be better off with-"
Azula stopped. She was prepared for and anticipating Ty Lee's hug. She never planned for Mai giving her one as well. "It's official," Mai said with a sigh. "You're the new DumDum, Azula."
"W-what?" Azula asked softly, caught off guard by the stoic girl's affection.
"I don't understand what happened, but I know this, Azula," Mai said as she pulled back with Ty Lee, both smiling at Azula; Ty Lee's wide and warm, Mai's small and accepting. "We love you, Azula. You're our best friend."
Azula's legs trembled, fingers gripping into the tree. "W-why?"
It felt like their eyes told a hundred and one answers to her question, answers she was desperate to hear, answers she didn't believe she'd understand.
"AZULA!"
But that interruption wasn't entirely unwelcome.
The trio looked over in alarm as a familiar blur rushed towards them. "Zuko, wh-GAH?!" Azula tried to ask, only for her older brother to literally crash into her. The princess found herself completely bewildered out of her self-pity as she found herself soaked in the pond with Zuko hugging her very tightly. "Umm, what?" This was all she could say as Zuko stood up, still hugging her and essentially holding her now. She looked to her friends, wondering if this was still reality, as they stared in equal bafflement.
"Zula!" Zuko never called her that. In fact, she wasn't sure he was calling her that now. His voice was just so slurred and groggy that her name came out like that, like he was still half-asleep. "You're okay!"
"Yyyyes, I am, Zuko," Azula said awkwardly, blushing a bit as her brother continued to hug her like an oversized stuffed animal, both of them still drenched. "What are you doing here?" she asked, really wanting to turn around and get a look at him- because Ty Lee and Mai's expression were melting a bit towards horror, and she had a good idea why.
"I was worried about you and snuck out," he answered, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "I kept burning through the killerpains."
"You means painkillers?" Azula corrected automatically, wincing at the implication. A Firebender's inner flame could be their own worse enemy in terms of medicine, mistakenly burning away cures and treatments.
"Zuko...your face," Ty Lee said softly. "What...did..."
"My dad did this," Zuko answered before scowling in a stupidly thoughtful way. "Or not-Dad. Dads can't be Dads anymore if they try to kill their kids, right?"
"Zuko, put me down, you need to return to the doctors," Azula instructed weakly.
"I will. After my sister stops looking so sad," Zuko stated with a grin.
"This would be hilarious if it wasn't so depressing," Mai muttered softly, looking at the prince in concern. "Zuko?"
"Hmm?" Zuko turned to look at her, refusing to release his sibling even slightly.
"Does it hurt? Right now, I mean?" Mai asked, feeling very stupid for asking an obvious question, but it was a bit concerning between the bandages getting wet and talk of painkillers.
"Of yeah, it hurts a lot. Like a hundred butterbees on my face," Zuko answered, completely serious as the girls winced. "But I thought something bad might have happened to Azula. And it's not as bad as before."
No one dared to ask what he meant exactly by "before."
"But thank you for asking, Pretty One," Zuko said with a grin.
"P-pretty one?!" Mai asked in alarm, her face turning red.
Zuko nodded, Azula still in his surprisingly strong grasp. "That's what I used to call you before I knew your name, Mai."
"Oh, oh, what was I called?" Ty Lee asked eagerly.
"Poodle-Monkey," Zuko answered instantly.
"Hey, why don't I get a cute nickname?" Ty Lee asked with a pout.
"But poodle-monkeys are cute?" Zuko answered with a head tilt.
"Oh. Okay then!" Ty Lee accepted, doing a complete reverse in her demeanor.
"Brother," Azula spoke up with a small voice. "Please let me down."
Something seemed to click in Zuko's compromised brain, releasing his sister with a concerned and curious look.
Azula shuddered, Mai and Ty Lee watching her with sad eyes as she turned to look up at Zuko for the first time.
She paled; She had seen him in the hospital bed plenty now, but seeing him standing there somehow made it all the more real. Most of his hair shaven off, the left side of his face practically mummified. But she could still see the edges of the wound peaking out beneath the bandages.
She fell to her knees and started to wretch, her previous meal spilling onto the ground in a disgusting display of weakness on her part. She didn't care. All she knew was that her brother was scarred for life and it was because of her. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she whispered over and over again.
She blacked out, she realized. One moment she was heaving in the garden, the next she was being carried through the palace as fast as Zuko's legs could carry them. In a bridal carry no less, Zuko holding her close to his chest as if his sister was some precious artifact that needed protecting.
The idea would have made Azula laugh days ago. This entire day would have been hilarious to her. Now she could only cry softly.
"Zuko, there you-!" their mother's voice came in relief, cut short at the sight. "Azula? Is everything okay?...Why are you both all wet?" she asked in concern, kneeling down in front of them.
"Azula is sick." This was all Zuko said as he adjusted his hold on her. "I'm taking her back to the doctor with me."
Ursa stared at Zuko for a long moment, processing what she was just told: Zuko snuck out of the medical wing, found his sister, and carried her all the way through the palace while injured and drugged himself. Ursa couldn't help smiling at her little prince. "Well, let your mother help then," Ursa said as she took Azula from Zuko, and laid the princess against her shoulder.
Azula wanted to protest. To say she was fine, that she could walk just fine, that they didn't...that they shouldn't worry about her. But words failed her right now. All she had left now were two words: "I'm sorry."
"You have nothing to be sorry for, my dear," Ursa promised softly as she stood up, using her free hand to take one of Zuko's, leading them both back to where very worried doctors would be waiting for them. "I don't know where you got this horrible idea in your head, Azula," Ursa whispered to Azula. "But you are very loved and precious."
Azula's hands gripped tightly into her mother's clothes, letting those words sooth her mind.
She wondered, was her mother lying to Azula or herself?
Still, Azula appreciated it all the same.
After all, it was a beautiful lie.
Elsewhere
Crown Prince Iroh was a troubled man. As any father should be, having to watch his own son die in battle. His normal exuberance, enough on its own to keep warm many home-sick hearts, was long drained away. His orders were simple and somber, but no less wise. The retreat from Ba Sing Se was a dangerous one; Earth Kingdom forces harassed and raided them, both professional soldiers and guerilla resistance. It was a long journey back to the Hu Xin provinces, and Iroh was determined to minimalize any further lose of life of his countrymen.
Six hundred days was far, far too long to be away from home.
But the retreat was met with mixed reactions among his soldiers. He could not fault them. It was why he had not called off the siege sooner; no one wanted to return in defeat. And there was no minor victory with that accursed city, it was all or nothing. And once his army had gotten through the first wall, he had unknowingly trapped himself between the growing cost of life and the common desire to see this through to the end. Because no Fire Nation- No, no force at all had ever penetrated Ba Sing Se as they had. Victory was just out of reach.
It had taken the death of his beloved son, Lu Ten, to realize that the cost had become too much. It had been too much for a long time, he believed.
Still, as frustrated or disappointed as some soldiers were, there was an overall sense of relief as well. It was impossible not to feel so, having spent nearly a year within Ba Sing Se, the enemy soldiers and the dreaded Dai Li making life a genuine nightmare for even the veterans of the Fire Nation army. They had to be on their guard still, yes, but that was normal and predictable danger that many soldiers would gladly take over Ba Sing Se.
In truth though, Iroh was not so certain he was going home with his forces. It wasn't shame or fear that made him waver, but...
He felt lost, adrift in life with his son gone, his very world. His eyes had often found their ways often to the distant horizons, contemplating a different destination. One where humans normally did not tread.
Yet he held off. He had to make sure the survivors of his failed siege reached friendly territory alive. That would be at least a week still, likely longer. More than two if the Earth Kingdom forces felt emboldened enough to pursue him further than they normally dared.
Yet all his plans and uncertainties had been dashed when he received two important messages.
The first was not to him specifically, but a proclamation sent to all corners of the lands controlled by his country: His brother, Prince Ozai, had been banished and stripped of all he ever was, even his name. He was not to be given refuge or aid by any citizen within the Lands of the Fire Nation, colonies or otherwise. Along with this was a poster of him, depicting a scar upon his neck that Iroh knew his brother had NOT possessed before. However, it was the crimes that were most troubling: Dishonor in the highest, attempted murder of the royal family and one's own children.
Iroh had paled harshly at that message, but managed to control himself at the key word: Attempted. Whatever this madness was, Ozai had not killed his children. He worried for Ursa, her death might have been covered up, but chose not to dwell on that. What he did dwell on was the second message, which was specifically for him.
"Crown Prince Iroh,
My Son. I would wish that this message finds you in pleasant times, but I know this is not possible in your time of grief. Know that I would not call upon you now if it were not a matter of urgency: you are needed at the capital. This is not a matter of war or politics, Iroh, but of family. Your brother has proven himself irredeemable and I believe I may have lapsed in how I decided to test his foolishness.
Forgive your father's selfishness, my son. I know I have already asked much of you, but I believe Ursa's children need you. And while I cannot pretend to know your feelings, Iroh, perhaps it is you that needs them as well. You are not the only one that grieves for Lu Ten.
Your Father,
Firelord Azulon"
Iroh had scowled long and hard over the meaning of these two messages. He knew his brother was power hungry. He even knew Ozai held Zuko, the man's own firstborn, in contempt for reasons both clear and unknown. But Iroh knew his father well. As much as the old Firelord disfavored and disapproved of Ozai at times, their father had never marked his younger son with any true contempt. At least not the kind that would make Azulon banish and brand Ozai, let alone declaring the man Nameless and his old identity effectively dead in the eyes of their laws.
Something had happened, obviously. But was it something he could help with? Oh, there was no question it was within Iroh's means to give aid, be it emotional or political or anything else.
The issue was if he could bring himself to, if he wouldn't collapse inward and cause more harm than good.
His eyes looked to the dawning sun, the presence of Agni's greatest gift arousing his army in a timely matter all on its own. As the silence of the camp began dying to the cacophony of men preparing to travel once more, his mind flashed to memories of his own beloved son. But unlike before, it was not memories of just him and Lu Ten, but of his seeing his son with Ozai's children. Playing, laughing, teasing. Showing them Firebending to their delighted eyes.
Lu Ten had been an only child, but it had never seemed so when he was around Zuko and Azula.
For the first time since the death of his son, Iroh smiled. It was small, but it was there. No one could ever replace Lu Ten, but he could protect and help the family he had left...the family Lu Ten loved.
When he met with the officers of the army, to plan for the next part of their journey, they all stopped to stare at him. Even those unhappy with abandoning the siege looked relieved to see their great general in a better state of mind.
The Dragon of the West smiled. It wasn't happy or sad, but patient and wise. "Ladies and Gentlemen, Soldiers of the Fire Nation: Shall we go home?"
End of Chapter
And there it is, the third chapter. For the record, I did not plan on Drugged Zuko before I wrote that scene, it just dawned on me. While it brightened the mood a bit, it wasn't like the girls were going to NOt react to his bandages and everything. Still, yeah, Azula had a very back and forth moment with Mai and Ty Lee. Still, yeah, Azula's issues are NOT going away anytime soon.
And Iroh is coming back. Maybe not going on his Spirit Quest. Which, you know, is a game changer on its own.
Chapter 4
Akumakami64
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"You're kidding," Zuko said with wide eyes. Well, eye, rather. The injured prince was decidedly confined to the hospital bed and not allowed to wander off again.
"Nope," Ty Lee assured with a grin.
"There's no way that happened," Zuko refuted skeptically.
"It happened," Mai confirmed, smiling just a bit.
"I actually picked up and hugged Azula like that?" Zuko asked, trying and failing to imagine himself doing that. Hugging his sister was one thing, but doing it like that without her breaking a few of his fingers?
"Like she was your favorite stuffed toy," Mai elaborated, Ty Lee giggling.
"And you called-" Ty Lee started, only for Mai to cover her mouth quickly.
"She was going to say something stupid, ignore her," Mai instructed with a small blush.
Zuko looked uncertain. "But what did I-"
"Ignore her!" Mai insisted, giving Ty Lee a warning look, who just giggled behind the hand.
Zuko wisely decided to change track. "Okay...how long ago was this?"
"About a week ago. You've been, how would Azula put it? Very interesting when you had all that medicine in you," Ty Lee said with a devious, teasing smile.
"My honor is shivering," Zuko said blandly.
"...PFFFFT! Did you really just say that?!" Ty Lee questioned, holding her belly in mirth. Mai was keeping her composure, but just barely.
"Shut up, I'm out of it from the medicine," Zuko complained weakly. He sighed, rubbing the wrapping over his head. "I'm just glad my eye wasn't destroyed."
"Does that mean you'll be able to see out of it still?" Ty Lee asked in a hushed voice.
"I have no idea, just that it means I might be able to," Zuko answered, not sure to be hopeful or pessimistic. "But I still have my other eye. And the inside of my left ear seems to be fine. So, you know, it's not all bad," Zuko said, trying not to worry them.
The two girls nodded, falling silent. This was the first day they had talked to Zuko without his mind being too muddled by drugs. There were...sooooo many questions they wanted to ask, but it was hard to tell when it would feel less awkward to do so…or if it ever would.
"So, you shaved everything but your topknot?" Mai asked with a raised eyebrow. "You look like one of those traditionalists after losing an Agni Kai."
Zuko rolled his eye at that. "I figured it'd be easier this way. It'll grow back eventually," he waved off before cautiously looking over to where his sister lay in another bed, arms wrapped around herself in her sleep. "Has she really been staying the nights here?"
"Yeah. I don't know what happened, and I probably don't want to," Mai started, glancing at the sleeping form of the princess in concern. "But your mom tried taking Azula back to her own room while she slept, once."
"Did not try that again," Ty Lee remarked observantly.
"So weird seeing her laying there. Usually by now she'd be train with D-" Zuko stopped with a wince, and not from biting his tongue. Both girls watched in concern as Zuko wiped a hand over his face. "It still hardly feels real. I don't know how many times I thought I was waking up from a nightmare, only to realize it was real."
Mai glanced at Ty Lee, who was biting her lip in distress at not being able to find the words. "We have no idea what you're going through," Mai said bluntly, getting strange look from the other two. "I have no idea what it's like to have a father like Ozai. But we're here for you. Both of you," Mai assured, glancing to the princess as well.
"This feels...weird to ask, since you're the one with the burn," Ty Lee started cautiously. "But is she going to be alright?"
"Ty Lee, I'm going to be honest here, I am still figuring up how many of my recent memories are imagined and how many are real," Zuko answered with a sigh. "But I know she can't be taking it well. Da- He was always the one praising her, building her up, teaching her things. I'm closer to our mother, but I can't even imagine how I'd feel if she wanted to...end me," Zuko admitted softly.
There was a long moment before Ty Lee groaned, wiping both hands over her face. "I hate not knowing how to lighten the mood without sounding awful," she remarked moodily.
Zuko scratched his head uncomfortably as he tried to find something else to talk about. "Well, we're a bit out of good news around here. The only silver lining was the message from Uncle saying he'd be home within two weeks if the seas are kind," Zuko remarked, lowering his eyes. "But that's still connected to the fact that the siege of Ba Sing Se failed and we even lost Lu Ten."
Ty Lee gasped in remembrance as Mai shook her head. "You know, I didn't forget that happened, but it feels like it was so long ago after...everything else," Mai said delicately.
"Trust me, I know," Zuko agreed in a small voice. "It's been a streak of bad luck for the Fire Nation."
The Royal Family specifically, it went unsaid.
"So, honest question? Did I imagine Ty Lee bringing a poodle-monkey to cheer us up?" Zuko asked curiously.
"Yes, yes you did," Mai confirmed simply.
"I can bring one if you want though!" Ty Lee assured. "I just need to find one...and figure out how to sneak it into the palace...and hope you're not allergic to it...maybe train it? This is more complicated than I thought."
The amusing conversation did not go unnoticed by the other royal in the room.
Azula was very much awake, simply refusing to move or give any sign that she had stopped slumbering. She wasn't sure she was ready to talk to Zuko now that he was mostly in his right state of mind, and she certainly didn't have the strength for it after a conversation from earlier...
Flashback
Azula should be terrified.
"Are you sure you're okay with this, Azula?" Ursa asked, hand on her shoulder as they stood in the courtyard, seemingly empty.
Besides them.
And the guards at every entrance.
And the old man standing by the pond.
Azula just nodded with a resigned look about her face as she walked forward to the pond.
She really should be terrified.
"You summoned me, Firelord Azulon?" Azula greeted as she bowed to the man that had ordered her death.
That fact should make her want to bolt and run, even knowing it had all been a ruse to test her father. It wasn't rationality or bravery that allowed her to come before him so calmly. She wasn't sure what it was, really. Numbness? Hopelessness? Worthlessness?
"No."
Azula slowly blinked as the word echoed in her head. She looked up to see her grandfather staring down at her with an ancient face, the lines appearing deepened by his weariness and regrets. "No?" Azula repeated uncertainly. Her mother couldn't have been mistaken, could she? No one would possibly mix up who the Firelord did or did not summon, right?
"The Firelord did not summon you," he stated seriously, a small smile at the corner of his lips. "An old man asked to see his granddaughter."
Azula stared, uncomprehending as the man, a living symbol of the Fire Nation's might and power to challenge the whole world, lowered himself to sit by her at the pond. They sat in silence, Azula somehow now more nervous than before. "I...I don't understand."
"I've wronged you, Azula," Azulon stated with a frown, gazing up at the Sun, Agni's Gift to the world. "I don't expect you to understand or forgive me. But I am sorry for how I handled this."
"..." Azula stared, her hands trembling at her lap. She didn't know what to say. She didn't know how to deal with this situation. "I'm...I'm sorry."
"You have nothing to apologize for, Granddaughter," Azulon assured with remorse.
Yes, yes she did. She was a monster, right? She probably had to apologize for even being born. But she didn't say that. "I...It's my fault that Zuko got hurt, that Father escaped," she said with her head bowed.
"Hmm? How are you responsible for your brother?" Azulon questioned, not bothering to correct her about Ozai no longer being her father, legally.
"I overheard you and Father, your punishment for him. I...I went to Zuko's room. I told him. I just wanted to say goodbye," Azula said, her eyes watering as tears began to spill. "It...It was so stupid! If I hadn't said anything, Zuko wouldn't have gotten hurt! If...If I hadn't tried to attack Ozai, he wouldn't have gotten away!" she cried out, clutching her side, head bowing towards the ground.
Azulon pulled her into an embrace, resting her head against his shoulder.
"W-what?!" Azula exclaimed in disbelief. Azulon never hugged her, or anybody. Why was-?!
"I told you, Azula. The Firelord didn't summon you," Azulon stated solemnly. "And granddaughters don't need to bow themselves so low before their grandfathers."
Azula felt like she was crumbling into ashes in his embrace, her tears staining his royal robes. She could only utter a question. And she didn't even know what she was really asking anymore.
"Why?"
Azulon sagged, as if decades were trying to overtake him at once. "It's...complicated, Azula," he said, pulling her back gently. "I am an old man, child. Older than most ever hope to be. And knowing that Agni will call for my departure at any time leaves me with a desire to die with as few regrets as possible. But sometimes, avoiding one regret creates many more," he explained, staring into her broken eyes. "I wanted...I needed to know, Azula, if I was right about Ozai. I had to know if he had become the monster I thought he was."
Azula's eyes dilated at that word.
Azulon misread her reaction and continued. "If I was wrong, I would have known I had been blinded and biased against my youngest child. And that is a regret you will never want to bear, Azula, thinking the worst of your child yet knowing you might have been wrong, that your eyes had refused to see their true worth. But as I was right...I knew that Ozai would bring ruin to not only the Fire Nation, but our entire family if left alone. Yet I was a fool. I used you as bait for the very beast I sought to protect you from. You are not to blame for anything, child. You should have never been in a position where you thought your own family would kill you," Azulon apologized sincerely.
"...I understand, Grandfather," Azula whispered with a shaky voice. And she did, she really did. You didn't put down a high pedigree Ostrich-Horse unless you were sure it was beyond saving. There was a big difference between rabies and a bad attitude.
When did she start thinking like Uncle Iroh?
"Thank you, Granddaughter," he said gratefully, loosening his grip on her and allowing the princess to leave and return to her mother.
End Flashback
Azula had returned to the medical room, crawled into her bed before Zuko had awakened or her friends arrived. She didn't want to talk to them, didn't want them to see her right now as she came to terms with what she had been told.
She was a monster after all.
Azulon had said it himself; Ozai was a monster, who had been ready to strike down his own daughter. And Ozai had raised her, cultivated her in his likeness. And she was all too eager to learn from him, to imitate him, to become like him. She idolized him, wished it had been him on the throne instead of her grandfather or uncle.
She had smirked at the idea of her brother's death.
She felt some part of her wail in her head. She had been happy that Zuko was going to die, that he was the one to be sacrificed. Because she thought he was a weakling, that she was special and he was not, that this was the natural order of things.
Then it had been her instead. Her entire world shattered when her father accepted that.
And Zuko actually tried to save her.
She didn't deserve it, she wasn't worth it. She was a monster, raised by a monster, and had reveled in learning to be one herself.
But she couldn't die.
Death terrified her for multiple reasons now. Even worse than unknown was the known. That dream would become reality; locked in an urn of her own ashes until the end of time. If that was her fate, even as well-deserved as some part of her believed, then she wanted to savor life while she could. She selfishly wanted more memories that she didn't deserve to warm her soul for as long as she could cling to them against eternity.
Even if she wasn't so terrified of the Penance of Ash, the guilt of considering it gnawed at her. Zuko was scarred for life, and if she died now, it would be for nothing. The idea of Zuko's sacrifice being even more pointless made her want to vomit.
And...she had to know. She had to know why everyone kept lying to her. Why they said she wasn't a monster. Or, if they believed she wasn't, she had to know just what in her made them believe she was anything more than that.
She gritted her teeth, forcing herself not to make a sound. She felt like she was burning inside, like her own inner flame was trying to eat her alive. Maybe it would. Burn away everything Ozai had given her and leave something behind that was worth salvaging.
Maybe she could burn away her own monster and make her own soul a jar for it.
Meanwhile
Ursa stared mournfully at the room, a shattered wreck as great as any wild Komodo-Rhino could create in a tea shop.
Honestly, she had expected to walk into this. She just thought it would be her own room that she had shared with Ozai. That she would be the one wreaking this destruction. But she had done more screaming than destroying.
More importantly, this wasn't her room.
It was Azula's.
Ursa wasn't sure what to feel about this. Azula had a habit of burning things sometimes. It was common among firebending prodigies. It wasn't so much the burning that fascinated them as being able to control the flame and the burning. The tendencies usually faded away with time, the power becoming "normal" to them.
But this wasn't just burning anymore. Azula had been systematic destroying everything she could in the span of about three hours. Taking drawers apart, tearing out pillows and bedsheets, crushing and ripping anything she was able to. And then she would set it on fire, one bit at a time…never enough to lose control over, but enough to reduce it to ash in a timely manner.
That was the concerning part. This wasn't an outburst of rage or sorrow, this was deliberate and thought-out. Azula was trying to destroy everything she had.
Ursa wanted to curse Ozai, pray that whatever terrible creatures spawned Koh the Face-Stealer would seek out her former husband and visit upon him a fate worse than mortals could comprehend. But she didn't. Not this time.
Because this felt like that something more was wrong with her baby than what was already obvious.
"Can you teach me how to not be a monster?"
Ursa leaned on the wall for support as those words echoed hauntingly in her ear. Ozai was many things, but before this? He had spoiled Azula, praised her from one end of the Fire Nation to the other. Unless she missed Ozai jokingly refer to Azula as a monster in terms of being a gifted prodigy, she was positive that Ozai had never tried to call Azula anything other than his favored child.
So, if not Ozai, then where? Where had her daughter gotten this horrible idea that she was anything but a child? A clever, too-bright, very gifted child, but a child none the less.
She could see Zuko calling her that in a moment of spite, but that didn't seem enough to make Azula actually believe it. And she would have remembered Azula complaining about something like that. Could it have been Lu Ten? No, that boy had been far too sweet to her children, Iroh had raised him well. Iroh himself was out. Azulon didn't see his grandchildren often before all of this. Her tutors adored the chance to teach her. Her friends, maybe? But Azula wouldn't hesitate to mention such an insult to Ozai, and despite never being a loving couple, they did talk day to day, especially about the children.
Ursa froze, her eyes going wide. If one eliminates everything else, what remained must be the truth.
There weren't a lot of people in Azula's life. If she ruled out everyone she knew, or at least believed wouldn't or couldn't cause this, that only left one person.
"Can YOU teach me how to not be a monster?"
Herself.
Ursa almost felt sick. That couldn't be correct, could it? There was no way that she had somehow given Azula that impression, was there?
A crunching sound brought her numbly back to reality. Looking down, she saw a picture; A small family portrait, one of a set of four that Iroh had commissioned for them. It was back during the summer before the Siege began, when she believed herself to be pregnant again, only to find out it was a false alarm.
She lowly, gingerly picked up the portrait and examined its remains. Ozai had been torn out. Not burned, torn. But the picture was burned on one side. Burned just enough to burn Azula halfway off of the image, leaving just the likeness of Urza and Zuko.
Fresh tears dripped onto the charred remains of the portrait, unable to believe what her heart was telling her.
And all she could wonder was...
"Azula, my baby...what have I done to you?"
Meanwhile
From second in line to the throne to the most wanted man in the Fire Nation.
The irony was not lost on Ozai.
Getting out of the palace was easy. He had used a secret corridor and collected supplied he had stashed for such an occasion: money, fake papers, a sword, a knife, a plain change of clothes. And then...he waited.
The palace was swarming with guards, and so he waited in the deepest, oldest of the hidden chambers. He waited until he could feel the sun falling on the horizon. By then, they'd no longer suspect him in the palace.
A more short-sighted man would have tried to get some petty revenge. On whom, he didn't know; his foolish father, his weak wife, his pathetic son or perhaps his treacherous daughter? But it would not matter. He was disgraced, that would have spread through Caldera by now. Killing the entire family would just leave it to Iroh.
And end in Ozai's own death.
No, he'd take his time and wait patiently for his own vengeance. Besides, perhaps his spawns would one day be of use to him even now.
Sneaking out of Caldera was almost impossible thanks to it being within a dormant volcano. The natural walls were incredibly hard to scale by hand. There were, however, ways out of Caldera that few knew of, such as secret passages only big enough for one person at a time. They were commissioned by nobles in the past, long before the reign of Sozin some said, for those wanting a quick escape route…from enemies within rather than without no doubt.
He had been...fortunate enough to pilfer the location of one from a noble, begging him not to expose his son as a coward that fled from the navy with a tale of being taken prisoner by raiders from the Southern Water Tribe. Ozai considered the information quite worth it, seeing as the boy was sent out a week later. After all, survivors make for great soldiers no?
He was honestly grateful that luck was in his favor in one aspect: it was the night of the new moon. Caldera had a modest patrol outside its perimeters, along the top of the mountain. It would have been most unfortunate, for him and them, if he had to kill some foolish guards and risk drawing the others to him.
It would be a waste of lives and, more importantly, his time.
He managed to flee to a village three days away. He bitterly realized that his fake papers would be of no help securing passage out of the Fire Nation. It would take a week for the news to properly spread to the masses, but by three days? Every military base and major city between Caldera and Iroh himself would have heard the news by then.
But news traveled slowly to smaller villages. It allowed him to safely spin a sob story about a dying wife to get passage down the southern Inlet of Quhou from a local fisherman. A small payment incentive got the man to take him immediately instead of waiting for morning.
The darkness of night made it rather easy to dispose of the body and recollect the coins, even if he had to rely on a knife and his muscles instead of his firebending.
He had allies he could reach out to, but few he was positive wouldn't sell him out. He'd sell himself out in their position. The reward for his head could be everything up to being considered a minor noble.
Honestly, Ozai privately admitted that if anyone besides his brother and father managed to kill him, they had probably earned that at least.
There was one man he believed he could rely on. One man who would profit more from Ozai's slim chance of taking the throne than by the paltry honor of slaying a nameless, wanted man like Ozai.
Which was why he was sitting in some dilapidated inn, out in the middle of nowhere along the forested coast far south of Caldera. It would be noisy, the lowlifes enjoying their vulgar selves.
Or they would be if they weren't all dead, burnt husks…even the barmaid who flirted with him.
It made it easier to have a secret meeting with no witnesses.
Tracing a coin as he waited, he made a mental note not to make a habit of paying people he was about to kill. Getting the coins back off a corpse could be tedious and messy.
He looked to the door as it opened, smirking at the man who entered. He took no surprise or displeasure in the carnage, almost amused with the smirk on his face. "You look like you've seen better days," he remarked, catching himself before addressing Ozai by name. They never knew who might be listening.
Despite his mood, Ozai shared the smirk. "Glad you could join me, Zhao."
End of Chapter
Well, lot of little things happening, along with that ominous ending. You all knew I couldn't just kill off Ozai. But, in better news, Ursa is beginning to understand the issue with Azula and Azulon is...trying, obbviously. And Zuko is recovering! So, you know, at least one of the royal is doing better. But Azula is kind of just drowning in her own misery.
Not much else to say. Hope you all enjoyed this.
"Nope," Ty Lee assured with a grin.
"There's no way that happened," Zuko refuted skeptically.
"It happened," Mai confirmed, smiling just a bit.
"I actually picked up and hugged Azula like that?" Zuko asked, trying and failing to imagine himself doing that. Hugging his sister was one thing, but doing it like that without her breaking a few of his fingers?
"Like she was your favorite stuffed toy," Mai elaborated, Ty Lee giggling.
"And you called-" Ty Lee started, only for Mai to cover her mouth quickly.
"She was going to say something stupid, ignore her," Mai instructed with a small blush.
Zuko looked uncertain. "But what did I-"
"Ignore her!" Mai insisted, giving Ty Lee a warning look, who just giggled behind the hand.
Zuko wisely decided to change track. "Okay...how long ago was this?"
"About a week ago. You've been, how would Azula put it? Very interesting when you had all that medicine in you," Ty Lee said with a devious, teasing smile.
"My honor is shivering," Zuko said blandly.
"...PFFFFT! Did you really just say that?!" Ty Lee questioned, holding her belly in mirth. Mai was keeping her composure, but just barely.
"Shut up, I'm out of it from the medicine," Zuko complained weakly. He sighed, rubbing the wrapping over his head. "I'm just glad my eye wasn't destroyed."
"Does that mean you'll be able to see out of it still?" Ty Lee asked in a hushed voice.
"I have no idea, just that it means I might be able to," Zuko answered, not sure to be hopeful or pessimistic. "But I still have my other eye. And the inside of my left ear seems to be fine. So, you know, it's not all bad," Zuko said, trying not to worry them.
The two girls nodded, falling silent. This was the first day they had talked to Zuko without his mind being too muddled by drugs. There were...sooooo many questions they wanted to ask, but it was hard to tell when it would feel less awkward to do so…or if it ever would.
"So, you shaved everything but your topknot?" Mai asked with a raised eyebrow. "You look like one of those traditionalists after losing an Agni Kai."
Zuko rolled his eye at that. "I figured it'd be easier this way. It'll grow back eventually," he waved off before cautiously looking over to where his sister lay in another bed, arms wrapped around herself in her sleep. "Has she really been staying the nights here?"
"Yeah. I don't know what happened, and I probably don't want to," Mai started, glancing at the sleeping form of the princess in concern. "But your mom tried taking Azula back to her own room while she slept, once."
"Did not try that again," Ty Lee remarked observantly.
"So weird seeing her laying there. Usually by now she'd be train with D-" Zuko stopped with a wince, and not from biting his tongue. Both girls watched in concern as Zuko wiped a hand over his face. "It still hardly feels real. I don't know how many times I thought I was waking up from a nightmare, only to realize it was real."
Mai glanced at Ty Lee, who was biting her lip in distress at not being able to find the words. "We have no idea what you're going through," Mai said bluntly, getting strange look from the other two. "I have no idea what it's like to have a father like Ozai. But we're here for you. Both of you," Mai assured, glancing to the princess as well.
"This feels...weird to ask, since you're the one with the burn," Ty Lee started cautiously. "But is she going to be alright?"
"Ty Lee, I'm going to be honest here, I am still figuring up how many of my recent memories are imagined and how many are real," Zuko answered with a sigh. "But I know she can't be taking it well. Da- He was always the one praising her, building her up, teaching her things. I'm closer to our mother, but I can't even imagine how I'd feel if she wanted to...end me," Zuko admitted softly.
There was a long moment before Ty Lee groaned, wiping both hands over her face. "I hate not knowing how to lighten the mood without sounding awful," she remarked moodily.
Zuko scratched his head uncomfortably as he tried to find something else to talk about. "Well, we're a bit out of good news around here. The only silver lining was the message from Uncle saying he'd be home within two weeks if the seas are kind," Zuko remarked, lowering his eyes. "But that's still connected to the fact that the siege of Ba Sing Se failed and we even lost Lu Ten."
Ty Lee gasped in remembrance as Mai shook her head. "You know, I didn't forget that happened, but it feels like it was so long ago after...everything else," Mai said delicately.
"Trust me, I know," Zuko agreed in a small voice. "It's been a streak of bad luck for the Fire Nation."
The Royal Family specifically, it went unsaid.
"So, honest question? Did I imagine Ty Lee bringing a poodle-monkey to cheer us up?" Zuko asked curiously.
"Yes, yes you did," Mai confirmed simply.
"I can bring one if you want though!" Ty Lee assured. "I just need to find one...and figure out how to sneak it into the palace...and hope you're not allergic to it...maybe train it? This is more complicated than I thought."
The amusing conversation did not go unnoticed by the other royal in the room.
Azula was very much awake, simply refusing to move or give any sign that she had stopped slumbering. She wasn't sure she was ready to talk to Zuko now that he was mostly in his right state of mind, and she certainly didn't have the strength for it after a conversation from earlier...
Flashback
Azula should be terrified.
"Are you sure you're okay with this, Azula?" Ursa asked, hand on her shoulder as they stood in the courtyard, seemingly empty.
Besides them.
And the guards at every entrance.
And the old man standing by the pond.
Azula just nodded with a resigned look about her face as she walked forward to the pond.
She really should be terrified.
"You summoned me, Firelord Azulon?" Azula greeted as she bowed to the man that had ordered her death.
That fact should make her want to bolt and run, even knowing it had all been a ruse to test her father. It wasn't rationality or bravery that allowed her to come before him so calmly. She wasn't sure what it was, really. Numbness? Hopelessness? Worthlessness?
"No."
Azula slowly blinked as the word echoed in her head. She looked up to see her grandfather staring down at her with an ancient face, the lines appearing deepened by his weariness and regrets. "No?" Azula repeated uncertainly. Her mother couldn't have been mistaken, could she? No one would possibly mix up who the Firelord did or did not summon, right?
"The Firelord did not summon you," he stated seriously, a small smile at the corner of his lips. "An old man asked to see his granddaughter."
Azula stared, uncomprehending as the man, a living symbol of the Fire Nation's might and power to challenge the whole world, lowered himself to sit by her at the pond. They sat in silence, Azula somehow now more nervous than before. "I...I don't understand."
"I've wronged you, Azula," Azulon stated with a frown, gazing up at the Sun, Agni's Gift to the world. "I don't expect you to understand or forgive me. But I am sorry for how I handled this."
"..." Azula stared, her hands trembling at her lap. She didn't know what to say. She didn't know how to deal with this situation. "I'm...I'm sorry."
"You have nothing to apologize for, Granddaughter," Azulon assured with remorse.
Yes, yes she did. She was a monster, right? She probably had to apologize for even being born. But she didn't say that. "I...It's my fault that Zuko got hurt, that Father escaped," she said with her head bowed.
"Hmm? How are you responsible for your brother?" Azulon questioned, not bothering to correct her about Ozai no longer being her father, legally.
"I overheard you and Father, your punishment for him. I...I went to Zuko's room. I told him. I just wanted to say goodbye," Azula said, her eyes watering as tears began to spill. "It...It was so stupid! If I hadn't said anything, Zuko wouldn't have gotten hurt! If...If I hadn't tried to attack Ozai, he wouldn't have gotten away!" she cried out, clutching her side, head bowing towards the ground.
Azulon pulled her into an embrace, resting her head against his shoulder.
"W-what?!" Azula exclaimed in disbelief. Azulon never hugged her, or anybody. Why was-?!
"I told you, Azula. The Firelord didn't summon you," Azulon stated solemnly. "And granddaughters don't need to bow themselves so low before their grandfathers."
Azula felt like she was crumbling into ashes in his embrace, her tears staining his royal robes. She could only utter a question. And she didn't even know what she was really asking anymore.
"Why?"
Azulon sagged, as if decades were trying to overtake him at once. "It's...complicated, Azula," he said, pulling her back gently. "I am an old man, child. Older than most ever hope to be. And knowing that Agni will call for my departure at any time leaves me with a desire to die with as few regrets as possible. But sometimes, avoiding one regret creates many more," he explained, staring into her broken eyes. "I wanted...I needed to know, Azula, if I was right about Ozai. I had to know if he had become the monster I thought he was."
Azula's eyes dilated at that word.
Azulon misread her reaction and continued. "If I was wrong, I would have known I had been blinded and biased against my youngest child. And that is a regret you will never want to bear, Azula, thinking the worst of your child yet knowing you might have been wrong, that your eyes had refused to see their true worth. But as I was right...I knew that Ozai would bring ruin to not only the Fire Nation, but our entire family if left alone. Yet I was a fool. I used you as bait for the very beast I sought to protect you from. You are not to blame for anything, child. You should have never been in a position where you thought your own family would kill you," Azulon apologized sincerely.
"...I understand, Grandfather," Azula whispered with a shaky voice. And she did, she really did. You didn't put down a high pedigree Ostrich-Horse unless you were sure it was beyond saving. There was a big difference between rabies and a bad attitude.
When did she start thinking like Uncle Iroh?
"Thank you, Granddaughter," he said gratefully, loosening his grip on her and allowing the princess to leave and return to her mother.
End Flashback
Azula had returned to the medical room, crawled into her bed before Zuko had awakened or her friends arrived. She didn't want to talk to them, didn't want them to see her right now as she came to terms with what she had been told.
She was a monster after all.
Azulon had said it himself; Ozai was a monster, who had been ready to strike down his own daughter. And Ozai had raised her, cultivated her in his likeness. And she was all too eager to learn from him, to imitate him, to become like him. She idolized him, wished it had been him on the throne instead of her grandfather or uncle.
She had smirked at the idea of her brother's death.
She felt some part of her wail in her head. She had been happy that Zuko was going to die, that he was the one to be sacrificed. Because she thought he was a weakling, that she was special and he was not, that this was the natural order of things.
Then it had been her instead. Her entire world shattered when her father accepted that.
And Zuko actually tried to save her.
She didn't deserve it, she wasn't worth it. She was a monster, raised by a monster, and had reveled in learning to be one herself.
But she couldn't die.
Death terrified her for multiple reasons now. Even worse than unknown was the known. That dream would become reality; locked in an urn of her own ashes until the end of time. If that was her fate, even as well-deserved as some part of her believed, then she wanted to savor life while she could. She selfishly wanted more memories that she didn't deserve to warm her soul for as long as she could cling to them against eternity.
Even if she wasn't so terrified of the Penance of Ash, the guilt of considering it gnawed at her. Zuko was scarred for life, and if she died now, it would be for nothing. The idea of Zuko's sacrifice being even more pointless made her want to vomit.
And...she had to know. She had to know why everyone kept lying to her. Why they said she wasn't a monster. Or, if they believed she wasn't, she had to know just what in her made them believe she was anything more than that.
She gritted her teeth, forcing herself not to make a sound. She felt like she was burning inside, like her own inner flame was trying to eat her alive. Maybe it would. Burn away everything Ozai had given her and leave something behind that was worth salvaging.
Maybe she could burn away her own monster and make her own soul a jar for it.
Meanwhile
Ursa stared mournfully at the room, a shattered wreck as great as any wild Komodo-Rhino could create in a tea shop.
Honestly, she had expected to walk into this. She just thought it would be her own room that she had shared with Ozai. That she would be the one wreaking this destruction. But she had done more screaming than destroying.
More importantly, this wasn't her room.
It was Azula's.
Ursa wasn't sure what to feel about this. Azula had a habit of burning things sometimes. It was common among firebending prodigies. It wasn't so much the burning that fascinated them as being able to control the flame and the burning. The tendencies usually faded away with time, the power becoming "normal" to them.
But this wasn't just burning anymore. Azula had been systematic destroying everything she could in the span of about three hours. Taking drawers apart, tearing out pillows and bedsheets, crushing and ripping anything she was able to. And then she would set it on fire, one bit at a time…never enough to lose control over, but enough to reduce it to ash in a timely manner.
That was the concerning part. This wasn't an outburst of rage or sorrow, this was deliberate and thought-out. Azula was trying to destroy everything she had.
Ursa wanted to curse Ozai, pray that whatever terrible creatures spawned Koh the Face-Stealer would seek out her former husband and visit upon him a fate worse than mortals could comprehend. But she didn't. Not this time.
Because this felt like that something more was wrong with her baby than what was already obvious.
"Can you teach me how to not be a monster?"
Ursa leaned on the wall for support as those words echoed hauntingly in her ear. Ozai was many things, but before this? He had spoiled Azula, praised her from one end of the Fire Nation to the other. Unless she missed Ozai jokingly refer to Azula as a monster in terms of being a gifted prodigy, she was positive that Ozai had never tried to call Azula anything other than his favored child.
So, if not Ozai, then where? Where had her daughter gotten this horrible idea that she was anything but a child? A clever, too-bright, very gifted child, but a child none the less.
She could see Zuko calling her that in a moment of spite, but that didn't seem enough to make Azula actually believe it. And she would have remembered Azula complaining about something like that. Could it have been Lu Ten? No, that boy had been far too sweet to her children, Iroh had raised him well. Iroh himself was out. Azulon didn't see his grandchildren often before all of this. Her tutors adored the chance to teach her. Her friends, maybe? But Azula wouldn't hesitate to mention such an insult to Ozai, and despite never being a loving couple, they did talk day to day, especially about the children.
Ursa froze, her eyes going wide. If one eliminates everything else, what remained must be the truth.
There weren't a lot of people in Azula's life. If she ruled out everyone she knew, or at least believed wouldn't or couldn't cause this, that only left one person.
"Can YOU teach me how to not be a monster?"
Herself.
Ursa almost felt sick. That couldn't be correct, could it? There was no way that she had somehow given Azula that impression, was there?
A crunching sound brought her numbly back to reality. Looking down, she saw a picture; A small family portrait, one of a set of four that Iroh had commissioned for them. It was back during the summer before the Siege began, when she believed herself to be pregnant again, only to find out it was a false alarm.
She lowly, gingerly picked up the portrait and examined its remains. Ozai had been torn out. Not burned, torn. But the picture was burned on one side. Burned just enough to burn Azula halfway off of the image, leaving just the likeness of Urza and Zuko.
Fresh tears dripped onto the charred remains of the portrait, unable to believe what her heart was telling her.
And all she could wonder was...
"Azula, my baby...what have I done to you?"
Meanwhile
From second in line to the throne to the most wanted man in the Fire Nation.
The irony was not lost on Ozai.
Getting out of the palace was easy. He had used a secret corridor and collected supplied he had stashed for such an occasion: money, fake papers, a sword, a knife, a plain change of clothes. And then...he waited.
The palace was swarming with guards, and so he waited in the deepest, oldest of the hidden chambers. He waited until he could feel the sun falling on the horizon. By then, they'd no longer suspect him in the palace.
A more short-sighted man would have tried to get some petty revenge. On whom, he didn't know; his foolish father, his weak wife, his pathetic son or perhaps his treacherous daughter? But it would not matter. He was disgraced, that would have spread through Caldera by now. Killing the entire family would just leave it to Iroh.
And end in Ozai's own death.
No, he'd take his time and wait patiently for his own vengeance. Besides, perhaps his spawns would one day be of use to him even now.
Sneaking out of Caldera was almost impossible thanks to it being within a dormant volcano. The natural walls were incredibly hard to scale by hand. There were, however, ways out of Caldera that few knew of, such as secret passages only big enough for one person at a time. They were commissioned by nobles in the past, long before the reign of Sozin some said, for those wanting a quick escape route…from enemies within rather than without no doubt.
He had been...fortunate enough to pilfer the location of one from a noble, begging him not to expose his son as a coward that fled from the navy with a tale of being taken prisoner by raiders from the Southern Water Tribe. Ozai considered the information quite worth it, seeing as the boy was sent out a week later. After all, survivors make for great soldiers no?
He was honestly grateful that luck was in his favor in one aspect: it was the night of the new moon. Caldera had a modest patrol outside its perimeters, along the top of the mountain. It would have been most unfortunate, for him and them, if he had to kill some foolish guards and risk drawing the others to him.
It would be a waste of lives and, more importantly, his time.
He managed to flee to a village three days away. He bitterly realized that his fake papers would be of no help securing passage out of the Fire Nation. It would take a week for the news to properly spread to the masses, but by three days? Every military base and major city between Caldera and Iroh himself would have heard the news by then.
But news traveled slowly to smaller villages. It allowed him to safely spin a sob story about a dying wife to get passage down the southern Inlet of Quhou from a local fisherman. A small payment incentive got the man to take him immediately instead of waiting for morning.
The darkness of night made it rather easy to dispose of the body and recollect the coins, even if he had to rely on a knife and his muscles instead of his firebending.
He had allies he could reach out to, but few he was positive wouldn't sell him out. He'd sell himself out in their position. The reward for his head could be everything up to being considered a minor noble.
Honestly, Ozai privately admitted that if anyone besides his brother and father managed to kill him, they had probably earned that at least.
There was one man he believed he could rely on. One man who would profit more from Ozai's slim chance of taking the throne than by the paltry honor of slaying a nameless, wanted man like Ozai.
Which was why he was sitting in some dilapidated inn, out in the middle of nowhere along the forested coast far south of Caldera. It would be noisy, the lowlifes enjoying their vulgar selves.
Or they would be if they weren't all dead, burnt husks…even the barmaid who flirted with him.
It made it easier to have a secret meeting with no witnesses.
Tracing a coin as he waited, he made a mental note not to make a habit of paying people he was about to kill. Getting the coins back off a corpse could be tedious and messy.
He looked to the door as it opened, smirking at the man who entered. He took no surprise or displeasure in the carnage, almost amused with the smirk on his face. "You look like you've seen better days," he remarked, catching himself before addressing Ozai by name. They never knew who might be listening.
Despite his mood, Ozai shared the smirk. "Glad you could join me, Zhao."
End of Chapter
Well, lot of little things happening, along with that ominous ending. You all knew I couldn't just kill off Ozai. But, in better news, Ursa is beginning to understand the issue with Azula and Azulon is...trying, obbviously. And Zuko is recovering! So, you know, at least one of the royal is doing better. But Azula is kind of just drowning in her own misery.
Not much else to say. Hope you all enjoyed this.
Last edited:
Chapter 5
Akumakami64
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Zuko winced as he struggled to not scratch at his bandages. It had been over a few days since the...Event. Despite his better moments, he still had to be dosed with medicine routinely to keep the pain from flaring up. Especially when they applied the salve. His wound was slowly healing, or healing what it could, with the doctors helping as they were able. They normally gave him enough to pass out when they changed the bandages and cleaned the wound. Apparently, they had to remove bits of dead flesh from time to time.
He was glad he didn't remember those moments.
Still, he hated this. Not enough drugs and he felt just enough pain to want to pick at his burns. Too much, and he was loopy and out of it, with little recollection of what happened. And then there were the moments where the drugs just did NOT work. They weren't sure what it was: his body acclimating to the medicine, his inner fire trying to purge it, or him just...flashing back to the Event.
He shivered at the memory, and the nightmares that spawned from it. If there was one thing the drugs weren't helping, it was his night terrors. Every now and again, when he passed out, he'd find himself back in that throne room between Azula and their fath- No, their former father. But each time it got worse. Once, his father burned...a lot more of him before Azulon intervened. Then there was the time Azulon ordered Ozai to just finish them both off.
In his most recent one, Ozai turned into an actual dragon. A twisted black dragon with too many wings, too many teeth...
Yeah, he'd rather not dwell on those. Because he had more important things to focus on; namely his mother and his sister. His memories were a bit hazy, but there was definitely something off about them both now. His mother had been worried, angry, but overall just happy they were alive at first. Now she seemed sad, almost like there was something she regretted or missed. Did she miss D-Ozai? Maybe? His parents didn't have the best relationship even before all of this happened, he knew, but they had been a part of one another's lives. That had to count for something, right?
It could be something else, but he felt too young, too stupid, and too addled in the head to piece it together. He just tried to reassure her when he could. Usually after he just finished crying in her arms from a nightmare, but still.
And Azula...had he even spoken to Azula yet? When he was lucid, that is. It was hard to remember, filtering through the dreams and imagination from what really happened over the two weeks. But there was no way that he missed Azula every time his head was clear, right? So, did that mean she was avoiding him? Or just avoiding everyone? Because if she was avoiding everyone, it was probably just trying to deal with the entire fact that their former-father tried to kill her.
But if she was just avoiding him...okay, he didn't know what that meant, but it was his job as a big brother to figure it out.
Because the little he could remember of Azula since he got his burn, she always looked so...it wasn't just sad, it was more than that. Deeper. Like she was hurting. Not hurt, but hurting. As in something was still hurting her right now, not that she was hurt because of something that had already happened.
Or something like that. It made sense in his head at least. His minimally drugged head.
Of course, the first problem was finding Azula. She wasn't in her room, so where could she be?
Meanwhile
Azula sat in her tree over the pond.
When had it become her tree, exactly? She didn't remember the first time she climbed into it. She had just been listlessly walking and realized she had climbed up into its branches.
It was a foolish thing to do, something she imagined her uncle doing as a child. But she paid that notion no mind. After all, she had run out of things to do.
Burning her own possessions wasn't an option. Her mother checked on her regularly to make sure she didn't. She still burned her things, but only a little at a time now. What could be turned to ash before she was found.
Mai and Ty Lee weren't here yet. Maybe they wouldn't be here today at all. They tried to come every day, but she intellectually knew things would get in the way of one or both of them.
Training was just...no. All lessons and training had been cancelled. Even if they weren't, Azula didn't know if she could focus enough to do any of the katas or exercises.
And she couldn't bear to face Zuko still, especially not when he was coherent. Even if she could, she had to figure out something very important:
How to be a good sister?
Knowing how to be not-bad was easy. Just stop trying to be mean Zuko. Stop taunting him, stop trying to scare him, Stop Nearly Getting Him Killed!
Her hands clenched on her arms as that thought echoed in her head.
Yes, stopping all of that would help. But what does a good sibling do? She didn't know. The only sibling relationship she had any view into was Ty Lee's, and that was a bit too unique to apply to this.
She had no idea how to be a good sister to Zuko.
So here she was, sitting in a tree.
She looked down at the water and saw her reflection looking back.
'What's a matter? Are you going to cry like Zuko?'
She winced and looked away. She could hear her own voice, mocking her. She knew what the voice was. It was her, The Monster.
The Real Azula.
'Pathetic. When did you become so weak?'
Funny. Those were Ozai's words, Ozai's tone, but it was still her own voice that mocked her.
'How long do you think this little act can hold? Just give it up.'
It wanted out. It wanted her to go back to being how she used to be. But she wouldn't let that happen. She would smother and starve The Monster out until that part of her became like ashes in an urn; Never to burn again, never to hurt anyone again.
Such was the fate a monster deserved.
"Azula."
She inhaled sharply as her golden eyes shot down to see her brother staring up at her. "Zuko," she whispered, soft and uncertain.
"Were you...sleeping up there?" Zuko asked with a head tilt.
Azula shook her head. "No, I was just..."
What even was she doing here, really, besides listening to the voices in her head?
"Can you come down here?" Zuko asked with a frown that she couldn't read.
It wasn't angry. It wasn't sad. Concerned? Confused? If she had mused out loud, she would have suggested "Constipated" as well. But her sharp tongue was dulled and unmotivated.
Still, she climbed down the tree, sliding down the trunk as she turned to face Zuko. Or, she tried to. Every time she looked him in the eye, she glanced away in shame and guilt, fidgeting with her clothes.
"Yes, Zuko?" she asked after a moment of silence between them. Her voice sounded so much smaller than it used to.
"Sorry, just- Is this the first time we've talked? Without me being out of it?" Zuko asked thoughtfully.
Yes, yes it was. "Perhaps? It's hard to tell sometimes," she lied, because she always lies. All she can do is lie. Because if she wants to be a Good Sister, she has to lie and pretend she isn't The Monster.
Zuko nodded, looking a bit distracted.
"Should you...be up right now? "Azula asked uncertainly.
"The doctor said it's fine for me, and that I should stretch my legs some anyway," Zuko said, rubbing his mostly-bald head sheepishly. "If I don't, I might end up weighing more than a komodo-rhino."
Azula offered a small smile while Zuko chuckled weakly at his own half-hearted joke.
The silence that followed was unbearable. One of them had to say something. Anything, less they be crushed under the emptiness.
"Zuko, I-"
She was cut off as Zuko suddenly wrapped her into a tight hug, holding her head to his chest.
"Zuko?" she called in surprise, but unable to bring herself to resist the hold. She froze as she felt her brother trembling against her, a very distinct sound coming from his mouth. The sound of choked sobs. "Brother...?!"
"I'm just so glad you're alive," Zuko whispered in her ear, tears falling from his good eye. His other eye stung, but he barely noticed in the moment.
Azula inhaled sharply, and felt something rising in her chest…Something harsh, something heavy. She bit her lips as her golden eyes glistened harshly.
"But it...it was my fault. You got hurt because of me," she whispered, her voice all but croaking in her throat. She wanted to scream it, declare her guilt and make him remember how horrible he had to know she was, but in Zuko's arms she felt weak. Like she had been holding something in all this time and now, now-!
Zuko pulled back and smiled warmly at her with his one good eye. "It doesn't matter."
It...didn't matter. Of course it mattered! He was scarred! He was in pain! He tried to save her when he didn't need to! How could...how could it not... "You big dum-dum," Azula whispered, her voice growing hoarse.
"What'd I do-" Zuko stopped as Azula pulled him into a hug, almost collapsing to her knees. "Azula?" he asked, falling to his knees as he held her.
Azula shuddered as she clenched her hands at Zuko's side. With that, the dam came loose.
Azula sobbed. Not teared up, not cried, she sobbed long and hard into her brother's robes.
"I'm...I'm so sorry!" Azula cried out, her tears drenching his clothes. "I'm sorry for everything, Zuzu!"
Zuko could only sit there and hold his little sister, stroking her back as she cried her heart out. He had cried plenty since that fateful night, having gotten most of it out while holding his mother.
...But Azula had never been as close to their mother as to Ozai. He shouldn't be surprised that she had trouble opening up to her. He couldn't imagine what was going through Azula's mind these past few days, trying to come to terms with what happened.
He just never imagined he would ever be the one she opened up to like this.
He tried to remember the last time he recalled her seeming so small and vulnerable, instead of the proud and sharp little genius he had tried to measure up to.
Brother and Sister sat there, holding themselves as their sorrows and the comfort one another brought lulled them into a deep sleep.
lllllllllllllll
Azula often dreamt of this now.
The Penance of Ash.
The Urn of Soul.
Her fate.
She would awaken back in that prison, filled with the ashes of her own body. They brought pain to her lungs, her throat and her eyes. But there was no escape.
There would never be a way to escape the Penance of Ash, but by the Mercy of Agni.
But this time felt different. The bitterly cool void of her urn had a trace of warmth with in it now, the sensation pooling at her back.
Eventually, she saw through her own self-pity enough to realize that the warmth was coming from the walls of the Urn.
Confused yet tired, curious yet devoid of hope, she turned to look at the wall that her back had been leaning against. The urn there was lit softly, a small spot glowing as if something had been warming it.
Realistically, she knew any heat enough to do that should be unpleasant to touch. But she was either dead or dreaming, so the norms of the living no longer applied to her.
It felt good. It felt comforting. It felt like...
"Zuko?" she whispered, shock and awe as she felt, sensed where this came from. That meant that...Zuko came to visit here, where her ashes were kept! And he was sharing his warmth with her.
Good, comforting, and...
Her eyes teared at the word she wasn't ready to say or think. He still cared for her, the Monster.
She deserved the Penance. But she was too weak to resist any comfort from her brother. He might never come back. And that would be fine. She would savor this than.
"Even in death, you use him still."
She froze. That voice. There couldn't be a voice. Not in here, the only thing in here was her. Her, and her ashes.
She slowly turned, and saw the cinders, like flakes and sand all at once, forming together into a horrible, terrible shape.
It was herself, and it was Ozai. Not a blend, but some mismatched and greyed-colored combination of the man that had been her father and the child she was. One leg too short, the arm too large on the other side, and the face had a "line" that kept shifting back and forth. One side was Ozai, the other Azula. But neither face fully vanished as the ashen-creature leered at her mockingly.
"Poor, foolish, weak, boy," It continued with two voices; One coy and cruel, the other harsh and merciless. "Sharing his spark with a monster like us."
Azula did not speak, could not speak.
This wasn't part of the Penance of Ash, not that she had ever heard. It was supposed to be a cold punishment of isolation, denied the warmth and grace of Fire.
But then...perhaps Agni didn't want people to know the full punishment. Maybe he wanted some part of the Penance to be a surprise.
Or maybe no one truly understood what it would mean, to have one's soul trapped among their own ashes.
She pressed her back against the warmth of the wall, harder and hard. She wanted to get away, to get out, she didn't want to be here with this nightmare.
"Oh, why so scared?" It asked as it moved closer, closer, too close. "After all, you're not the one that needs to be afraid. Zuko is a failure and only so-useful. Once you're done using him, you'll do away with him."
"No," Azula whispered. "No, I...I wouldn't..."
"Oh don't lie to yourself," it whispered coyly, and It was Right in Her Ear Now. "You were perfectly fine when you thought it was his neck to burn. You were ready too," It paused, its face shifting fully to mirror Azula's now. "Dad's Going to Kill You~! Dad's Going to Kill You~!"
"Shut up," Azula demanded, or pleaded, or cried.
The face shifted to Ozai's now. "And he would have."
"Shut up!" Azula order, pleaded, screamed!
It tilted its head. "Who is talking?"
Azula opened her mouth, but nothing came out. She tried again, but only got silence.
Something was...wrong. Stuck. She grabbed her throat, and the choking sensation of the ashes in her throat grew more and more.
She tried once more, and she suddenly wretched.
Ash poured from her mouth. A long, impossible amount of it streamed forth, adding to the floor of the urn. Her throat felt like it was being cut and torn on the inside, the taste of ash overwhelmed her tongue as it passed out of her like a terrible fountain. She cried, but she swore even those tears were more of the burnt powder.
Finally it ended, and she was left gasping for fresh air that wasn't there. But at least there was air now. But through the haziness of her vision, she saw what was now before her.
In the layer of ashes that had poured from her mouth, she could see faces forming. Faces she knew; Mother, Grandfather, Mai, Ty Lee...servants, guards, tutors, and more she couldn't name.
They were all twisted in dismissive, disgusted looks. As if they finally saw her for the monster she was, and were rejecting her. Judging her, condemning her to this fate.
She sat there, leaning against the wall and prayed the heat wasn't getting cooler, that he was still there, that he still cared.
The ashen creature leaned down to her ear and whispered the terrible words, her voice almost singing.
"You will die a monster~!"
llllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
Azula started awake, her heart racing as she quickly took in her surroundings.
She was still alive. Good.
She was in the garden. Good.
She had been sleeping in Zuko's arms.
Good...didn't seem like good enough a word.
Still, she smiled in relief. She was here, Zuko was here, and he still didn't hate her yet. That was what was important.
That, and she needed some new clothes. Zuko had drooled on her shoulder while he slept.
"Mm, why am I sitting up in my sleep?" Zuko muttered as he started to wake up. Azula looked up just in time to make eye contact with him. "Oh. Right. We cried," he recalled out loud, still not aware enough to keep his thoughts to himself.
"I suppose we did," Azula acknowledged awkwardly.
Zuko glanced up at the sun. "Mom will be looking for us soon. It's almost time to eat."
"What about you? Don't you need more medicine? Or something?" Azula asked, feeling uncharacteristically ignorant. She had never been burned before, she had no idea what went into treating an injury like Zuko's. Useless, useless, useless. The word ringed in her head. She wouldn't know, couldn't know such things but she didn't care.
"Come on, let's go," Zuko said, bringing himself to his feet, gently pulling Azula up as well.
"Okay," Azula whispered and, after a moment's pause, took Zuko's hand.
He returned the favor without even thinking about it.
They lapsed into silence as they began to walk out of the garden.
"Zuko?" Azula asked softly, summoning all of her courage. "Would you love me, if I was a monster?"
Because Zuko, wonderfully stupid Zuko, would never say she was already a monster. So, she had to play along with the lie…which was good because even Zuko knew that truth: Azula Always Lies.
Zuko stopped and looked back at her with wide, surprised eyes. She prepared herself for any answer.
"You mean like a dragon?"
She wasn't prepared for that.
"Huh?" Azula blinked. "A dragon?"
"I mean, I don't know what Koh the Face Stealer looks like. But if you were a dragon, that'd be pretty cool. Or maybe something like a giant hawk-bear? Or a Sea-Gorilla?" Zuko pondered, and Azula was wondering if the lingering medicine was effecting his mind after all. "Maybe a huge Salamander Rhino that's on fire? But yeah, I'd love you even if you were a monster."
He didn't understand what she meant, but still, that answer meant the world to Azula. "If I was...a dragon, wouldn't you have to slay me, like Uncle slayed the last one?" she asked, nearly smiling. Nearly.
"No, I'd just outlaw Dragon Slaying," Zuko answered confidently.
"Zuzu, only the Firelord can do that," Azula reminded with an almost broken giggle, her eyes glistening with gratefulness and joy.
"Yeah, well...I'd figure something out," Zuko assured helplessly. "I can't let anyone hurt my baby sister."
Azula held his hand tighter and never wanted to let go.
And until he realized she was a monster, and pulled his own hand away, she'd hold on for as long as she could.
Meanwhile
Ursa and Azulon had spoken at least once a day since the incident with Ozai. Never had Azulon taken such an active interest in his grandchildren's day-to-day life. But before, they hadn't survived an attempt at filicide.
"Today will be the first time they've had a family meal since then," Ursa mused to the elderly man.
"Then I will try to be brief, lest I delay such an occasion," Azulon stated, confirming that, no, he would not be there. Let the mother and her children have their time first, he decided. "I know well that Zuko is recovering as best he can. The physicians are confident his sight will not be damaged. He has been taking his injury far better than most young boys would."
"He is a brave little prince," Ursa acknowledged with a small smile.
Azulon nodded and the throne room grew quiet. Too quiet. "Word reaches my ears, Ursa, without even requesting it. There are rumors among the palace of Azula, burning her possessions and taking her solitude where she can."
Ursa bowed her head. For as much as she blamed Azulon for this situation happening, the problem with Azula was much deeper than just Ozai being willing to kill her.
"It is easy to believe she is just grieving. Ozai may be stripped of all he was, but it was plain to all which child he favored," Azulon mused. It went unsaid that this was precisely the reason when he had demanded Ozai sacrifice Azula instead of Zuko. "But I see a look of deep regret in your eyes, Princess Ursa, whenever the topic of your daughter is brought up."
Ursa gave a half smile. She hadn't been good at hiding this. She still hadn't fully come to terms with what "this" actually was yet. "I believe...we may be more alike than I first thought, My Lord," Ursa answered softly.
Both of Azulon's white eyebrows rose at that. "In what matter might you mean?"
"I believe that Azula has come to the conclusion that I...care for her less than her brother," Ursa explained with a self-depreciating smile. "And I'm trying to understand, when I did that. When I made a mistake so horrible, that made her think I love her less than I do."
"Parenting is one thing that few ever truly master," Azulon said sagely. "Whatever offense you have paid her, real or imagined, there is still plenty of times to be there for both of your children."
Unlike how he hadn't been there as a proper father to Ozai. Neither said it, but they both knew it.
"But there is something about Azula you should know," Azulon informed. "Something about the incident that I did not mention, not while your children needed time to heal and recover."
They weren't healed, and they weren't recovered. They were coping though, and that would have to be enough. "What is it? What happened?"
Azulon took a short, calming breath as he broached a serious topic. "After Zuko was hurt, Azula attacked Ozai with Lightningbending."
Ursa stared, and then stared some more. "What? But that's impossible! Azula hasn't even started learning the theory for it, let alone the technique."
"I am aware," Azulon agreed with a frown. "She was unfocused and didn't know how to use it, but she clearly created lightning. And made every flame in the throne room turn blue."
Under normal circumstances, Ursa would have been more alarmed by the second detail. Attempting to take control of the Royal Flames from the Firelord, that was a grave offense to do without permission. In old times before the unification of the Fire Nation and rule was divided amongst clans, such an act was essentially a way of challenging a lord for his right to rule.
But as impressive as it was that Azula took control of the flames form Azulon, if only briefly, that was still not the largest concern. "But how could she even attempt that?"
"Lightningbending was not always known to us, Ursa. Just a few centuries before this war, many thought it was just a myth," Azulon reminded. "Just as it is possible for a bender to teach themselves through trial and error, Azula appears to have stumbled into Lightningbending on pure instinct. If my sight is still be trusted, in a desire to defend her brother."
Despite everything, Ursa couldn't help but smile at that. "My brave little girl."
"If I am glad of one thing that came out of this mistake of mine, Ursa, it is that knowing your children care deeply for one another," Azulon said solemnly. "All of that aside, I simply wanted to inform you as a warning if it happens again, and ask that you keep me informed if she shows signs of trying to replicate it."
Yes, that was a bit of a concern. The Fire Nation was used to children throwing around fireballs, but lightning was something else entirely.
"I thank you, My Lord," Ursa said, preparing to rise before stopping herself.
"Is there something else you wish to discuss?" Azulon questioned with a raised eyebrow.
Ursa seemed to fight with herself for a moment before making a decision. "In the next few days, if your schedule permits it, will you care to join us for a meal, Firelord?"
"The Firelord will not be there, no," he answered before his face softened. "But an old grandfather will find the time, yes."
Ursa smiled slightly. Gradnfather was a role Azulon had never mastered either, but she appreciated the effort. If nothing else, it helped her children understand they were safe in the palace still.
End of Chapter
Okay, so, to answer a question that got asked a few times. No, the Penance of Ash is not related to anytihng in canon, this is my own worldbuilding for the Fire Nation.
But yeah, the angst is off the charts this chapter. Azula is a wreck and Zuko, blessed little turtleduck, has no idea he's keeping her afloat in a sea of self-loathing.
Iroh should be back next chapter I think. Which means the family can finally heal and grieve properly. As Zuko reminded, Lu Ten's death was recent for all of them.
Also added in teh tidbit about how relatively new Lightningbending is in Avatar- it was only discovered about three or four centuries before the war. Considering bending has been a thing for around ten thousnad years, that's interesting. I'm going with the idea it's something that's been discovered and lost repeatedly over time.
Until next time!
He was glad he didn't remember those moments.
Still, he hated this. Not enough drugs and he felt just enough pain to want to pick at his burns. Too much, and he was loopy and out of it, with little recollection of what happened. And then there were the moments where the drugs just did NOT work. They weren't sure what it was: his body acclimating to the medicine, his inner fire trying to purge it, or him just...flashing back to the Event.
He shivered at the memory, and the nightmares that spawned from it. If there was one thing the drugs weren't helping, it was his night terrors. Every now and again, when he passed out, he'd find himself back in that throne room between Azula and their fath- No, their former father. But each time it got worse. Once, his father burned...a lot more of him before Azulon intervened. Then there was the time Azulon ordered Ozai to just finish them both off.
In his most recent one, Ozai turned into an actual dragon. A twisted black dragon with too many wings, too many teeth...
Yeah, he'd rather not dwell on those. Because he had more important things to focus on; namely his mother and his sister. His memories were a bit hazy, but there was definitely something off about them both now. His mother had been worried, angry, but overall just happy they were alive at first. Now she seemed sad, almost like there was something she regretted or missed. Did she miss D-Ozai? Maybe? His parents didn't have the best relationship even before all of this happened, he knew, but they had been a part of one another's lives. That had to count for something, right?
It could be something else, but he felt too young, too stupid, and too addled in the head to piece it together. He just tried to reassure her when he could. Usually after he just finished crying in her arms from a nightmare, but still.
And Azula...had he even spoken to Azula yet? When he was lucid, that is. It was hard to remember, filtering through the dreams and imagination from what really happened over the two weeks. But there was no way that he missed Azula every time his head was clear, right? So, did that mean she was avoiding him? Or just avoiding everyone? Because if she was avoiding everyone, it was probably just trying to deal with the entire fact that their former-father tried to kill her.
But if she was just avoiding him...okay, he didn't know what that meant, but it was his job as a big brother to figure it out.
Because the little he could remember of Azula since he got his burn, she always looked so...it wasn't just sad, it was more than that. Deeper. Like she was hurting. Not hurt, but hurting. As in something was still hurting her right now, not that she was hurt because of something that had already happened.
Or something like that. It made sense in his head at least. His minimally drugged head.
Of course, the first problem was finding Azula. She wasn't in her room, so where could she be?
Meanwhile
Azula sat in her tree over the pond.
When had it become her tree, exactly? She didn't remember the first time she climbed into it. She had just been listlessly walking and realized she had climbed up into its branches.
It was a foolish thing to do, something she imagined her uncle doing as a child. But she paid that notion no mind. After all, she had run out of things to do.
Burning her own possessions wasn't an option. Her mother checked on her regularly to make sure she didn't. She still burned her things, but only a little at a time now. What could be turned to ash before she was found.
Mai and Ty Lee weren't here yet. Maybe they wouldn't be here today at all. They tried to come every day, but she intellectually knew things would get in the way of one or both of them.
Training was just...no. All lessons and training had been cancelled. Even if they weren't, Azula didn't know if she could focus enough to do any of the katas or exercises.
And she couldn't bear to face Zuko still, especially not when he was coherent. Even if she could, she had to figure out something very important:
How to be a good sister?
Knowing how to be not-bad was easy. Just stop trying to be mean Zuko. Stop taunting him, stop trying to scare him, Stop Nearly Getting Him Killed!
Her hands clenched on her arms as that thought echoed in her head.
Yes, stopping all of that would help. But what does a good sibling do? She didn't know. The only sibling relationship she had any view into was Ty Lee's, and that was a bit too unique to apply to this.
She had no idea how to be a good sister to Zuko.
So here she was, sitting in a tree.
She looked down at the water and saw her reflection looking back.
'What's a matter? Are you going to cry like Zuko?'
She winced and looked away. She could hear her own voice, mocking her. She knew what the voice was. It was her, The Monster.
The Real Azula.
'Pathetic. When did you become so weak?'
Funny. Those were Ozai's words, Ozai's tone, but it was still her own voice that mocked her.
'How long do you think this little act can hold? Just give it up.'
It wanted out. It wanted her to go back to being how she used to be. But she wouldn't let that happen. She would smother and starve The Monster out until that part of her became like ashes in an urn; Never to burn again, never to hurt anyone again.
Such was the fate a monster deserved.
"Azula."
She inhaled sharply as her golden eyes shot down to see her brother staring up at her. "Zuko," she whispered, soft and uncertain.
"Were you...sleeping up there?" Zuko asked with a head tilt.
Azula shook her head. "No, I was just..."
What even was she doing here, really, besides listening to the voices in her head?
"Can you come down here?" Zuko asked with a frown that she couldn't read.
It wasn't angry. It wasn't sad. Concerned? Confused? If she had mused out loud, she would have suggested "Constipated" as well. But her sharp tongue was dulled and unmotivated.
Still, she climbed down the tree, sliding down the trunk as she turned to face Zuko. Or, she tried to. Every time she looked him in the eye, she glanced away in shame and guilt, fidgeting with her clothes.
"Yes, Zuko?" she asked after a moment of silence between them. Her voice sounded so much smaller than it used to.
"Sorry, just- Is this the first time we've talked? Without me being out of it?" Zuko asked thoughtfully.
Yes, yes it was. "Perhaps? It's hard to tell sometimes," she lied, because she always lies. All she can do is lie. Because if she wants to be a Good Sister, she has to lie and pretend she isn't The Monster.
Zuko nodded, looking a bit distracted.
"Should you...be up right now? "Azula asked uncertainly.
"The doctor said it's fine for me, and that I should stretch my legs some anyway," Zuko said, rubbing his mostly-bald head sheepishly. "If I don't, I might end up weighing more than a komodo-rhino."
Azula offered a small smile while Zuko chuckled weakly at his own half-hearted joke.
The silence that followed was unbearable. One of them had to say something. Anything, less they be crushed under the emptiness.
"Zuko, I-"
She was cut off as Zuko suddenly wrapped her into a tight hug, holding her head to his chest.
"Zuko?" she called in surprise, but unable to bring herself to resist the hold. She froze as she felt her brother trembling against her, a very distinct sound coming from his mouth. The sound of choked sobs. "Brother...?!"
"I'm just so glad you're alive," Zuko whispered in her ear, tears falling from his good eye. His other eye stung, but he barely noticed in the moment.
Azula inhaled sharply, and felt something rising in her chest…Something harsh, something heavy. She bit her lips as her golden eyes glistened harshly.
"But it...it was my fault. You got hurt because of me," she whispered, her voice all but croaking in her throat. She wanted to scream it, declare her guilt and make him remember how horrible he had to know she was, but in Zuko's arms she felt weak. Like she had been holding something in all this time and now, now-!
Zuko pulled back and smiled warmly at her with his one good eye. "It doesn't matter."
It...didn't matter. Of course it mattered! He was scarred! He was in pain! He tried to save her when he didn't need to! How could...how could it not... "You big dum-dum," Azula whispered, her voice growing hoarse.
"What'd I do-" Zuko stopped as Azula pulled him into a hug, almost collapsing to her knees. "Azula?" he asked, falling to his knees as he held her.
Azula shuddered as she clenched her hands at Zuko's side. With that, the dam came loose.
Azula sobbed. Not teared up, not cried, she sobbed long and hard into her brother's robes.
"I'm...I'm so sorry!" Azula cried out, her tears drenching his clothes. "I'm sorry for everything, Zuzu!"
Zuko could only sit there and hold his little sister, stroking her back as she cried her heart out. He had cried plenty since that fateful night, having gotten most of it out while holding his mother.
...But Azula had never been as close to their mother as to Ozai. He shouldn't be surprised that she had trouble opening up to her. He couldn't imagine what was going through Azula's mind these past few days, trying to come to terms with what happened.
He just never imagined he would ever be the one she opened up to like this.
He tried to remember the last time he recalled her seeming so small and vulnerable, instead of the proud and sharp little genius he had tried to measure up to.
Brother and Sister sat there, holding themselves as their sorrows and the comfort one another brought lulled them into a deep sleep.
lllllllllllllll
Azula often dreamt of this now.
The Penance of Ash.
The Urn of Soul.
Her fate.
She would awaken back in that prison, filled with the ashes of her own body. They brought pain to her lungs, her throat and her eyes. But there was no escape.
There would never be a way to escape the Penance of Ash, but by the Mercy of Agni.
But this time felt different. The bitterly cool void of her urn had a trace of warmth with in it now, the sensation pooling at her back.
Eventually, she saw through her own self-pity enough to realize that the warmth was coming from the walls of the Urn.
Confused yet tired, curious yet devoid of hope, she turned to look at the wall that her back had been leaning against. The urn there was lit softly, a small spot glowing as if something had been warming it.
Realistically, she knew any heat enough to do that should be unpleasant to touch. But she was either dead or dreaming, so the norms of the living no longer applied to her.
It felt good. It felt comforting. It felt like...
"Zuko?" she whispered, shock and awe as she felt, sensed where this came from. That meant that...Zuko came to visit here, where her ashes were kept! And he was sharing his warmth with her.
Good, comforting, and...
Her eyes teared at the word she wasn't ready to say or think. He still cared for her, the Monster.
She deserved the Penance. But she was too weak to resist any comfort from her brother. He might never come back. And that would be fine. She would savor this than.
"Even in death, you use him still."
She froze. That voice. There couldn't be a voice. Not in here, the only thing in here was her. Her, and her ashes.
She slowly turned, and saw the cinders, like flakes and sand all at once, forming together into a horrible, terrible shape.
It was herself, and it was Ozai. Not a blend, but some mismatched and greyed-colored combination of the man that had been her father and the child she was. One leg too short, the arm too large on the other side, and the face had a "line" that kept shifting back and forth. One side was Ozai, the other Azula. But neither face fully vanished as the ashen-creature leered at her mockingly.
"Poor, foolish, weak, boy," It continued with two voices; One coy and cruel, the other harsh and merciless. "Sharing his spark with a monster like us."
Azula did not speak, could not speak.
This wasn't part of the Penance of Ash, not that she had ever heard. It was supposed to be a cold punishment of isolation, denied the warmth and grace of Fire.
But then...perhaps Agni didn't want people to know the full punishment. Maybe he wanted some part of the Penance to be a surprise.
Or maybe no one truly understood what it would mean, to have one's soul trapped among their own ashes.
She pressed her back against the warmth of the wall, harder and hard. She wanted to get away, to get out, she didn't want to be here with this nightmare.
"Oh, why so scared?" It asked as it moved closer, closer, too close. "After all, you're not the one that needs to be afraid. Zuko is a failure and only so-useful. Once you're done using him, you'll do away with him."
"No," Azula whispered. "No, I...I wouldn't..."
"Oh don't lie to yourself," it whispered coyly, and It was Right in Her Ear Now. "You were perfectly fine when you thought it was his neck to burn. You were ready too," It paused, its face shifting fully to mirror Azula's now. "Dad's Going to Kill You~! Dad's Going to Kill You~!"
"Shut up," Azula demanded, or pleaded, or cried.
The face shifted to Ozai's now. "And he would have."
"Shut up!" Azula order, pleaded, screamed!
It tilted its head. "Who is talking?"
Azula opened her mouth, but nothing came out. She tried again, but only got silence.
Something was...wrong. Stuck. She grabbed her throat, and the choking sensation of the ashes in her throat grew more and more.
She tried once more, and she suddenly wretched.
Ash poured from her mouth. A long, impossible amount of it streamed forth, adding to the floor of the urn. Her throat felt like it was being cut and torn on the inside, the taste of ash overwhelmed her tongue as it passed out of her like a terrible fountain. She cried, but she swore even those tears were more of the burnt powder.
Finally it ended, and she was left gasping for fresh air that wasn't there. But at least there was air now. But through the haziness of her vision, she saw what was now before her.
In the layer of ashes that had poured from her mouth, she could see faces forming. Faces she knew; Mother, Grandfather, Mai, Ty Lee...servants, guards, tutors, and more she couldn't name.
They were all twisted in dismissive, disgusted looks. As if they finally saw her for the monster she was, and were rejecting her. Judging her, condemning her to this fate.
She sat there, leaning against the wall and prayed the heat wasn't getting cooler, that he was still there, that he still cared.
The ashen creature leaned down to her ear and whispered the terrible words, her voice almost singing.
"You will die a monster~!"
llllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
Azula started awake, her heart racing as she quickly took in her surroundings.
She was still alive. Good.
She was in the garden. Good.
She had been sleeping in Zuko's arms.
Good...didn't seem like good enough a word.
Still, she smiled in relief. She was here, Zuko was here, and he still didn't hate her yet. That was what was important.
That, and she needed some new clothes. Zuko had drooled on her shoulder while he slept.
"Mm, why am I sitting up in my sleep?" Zuko muttered as he started to wake up. Azula looked up just in time to make eye contact with him. "Oh. Right. We cried," he recalled out loud, still not aware enough to keep his thoughts to himself.
"I suppose we did," Azula acknowledged awkwardly.
Zuko glanced up at the sun. "Mom will be looking for us soon. It's almost time to eat."
"What about you? Don't you need more medicine? Or something?" Azula asked, feeling uncharacteristically ignorant. She had never been burned before, she had no idea what went into treating an injury like Zuko's. Useless, useless, useless. The word ringed in her head. She wouldn't know, couldn't know such things but she didn't care.
"Come on, let's go," Zuko said, bringing himself to his feet, gently pulling Azula up as well.
"Okay," Azula whispered and, after a moment's pause, took Zuko's hand.
He returned the favor without even thinking about it.
They lapsed into silence as they began to walk out of the garden.
"Zuko?" Azula asked softly, summoning all of her courage. "Would you love me, if I was a monster?"
Because Zuko, wonderfully stupid Zuko, would never say she was already a monster. So, she had to play along with the lie…which was good because even Zuko knew that truth: Azula Always Lies.
Zuko stopped and looked back at her with wide, surprised eyes. She prepared herself for any answer.
"You mean like a dragon?"
She wasn't prepared for that.
"Huh?" Azula blinked. "A dragon?"
"I mean, I don't know what Koh the Face Stealer looks like. But if you were a dragon, that'd be pretty cool. Or maybe something like a giant hawk-bear? Or a Sea-Gorilla?" Zuko pondered, and Azula was wondering if the lingering medicine was effecting his mind after all. "Maybe a huge Salamander Rhino that's on fire? But yeah, I'd love you even if you were a monster."
He didn't understand what she meant, but still, that answer meant the world to Azula. "If I was...a dragon, wouldn't you have to slay me, like Uncle slayed the last one?" she asked, nearly smiling. Nearly.
"No, I'd just outlaw Dragon Slaying," Zuko answered confidently.
"Zuzu, only the Firelord can do that," Azula reminded with an almost broken giggle, her eyes glistening with gratefulness and joy.
"Yeah, well...I'd figure something out," Zuko assured helplessly. "I can't let anyone hurt my baby sister."
Azula held his hand tighter and never wanted to let go.
And until he realized she was a monster, and pulled his own hand away, she'd hold on for as long as she could.
Meanwhile
Ursa and Azulon had spoken at least once a day since the incident with Ozai. Never had Azulon taken such an active interest in his grandchildren's day-to-day life. But before, they hadn't survived an attempt at filicide.
"Today will be the first time they've had a family meal since then," Ursa mused to the elderly man.
"Then I will try to be brief, lest I delay such an occasion," Azulon stated, confirming that, no, he would not be there. Let the mother and her children have their time first, he decided. "I know well that Zuko is recovering as best he can. The physicians are confident his sight will not be damaged. He has been taking his injury far better than most young boys would."
"He is a brave little prince," Ursa acknowledged with a small smile.
Azulon nodded and the throne room grew quiet. Too quiet. "Word reaches my ears, Ursa, without even requesting it. There are rumors among the palace of Azula, burning her possessions and taking her solitude where she can."
Ursa bowed her head. For as much as she blamed Azulon for this situation happening, the problem with Azula was much deeper than just Ozai being willing to kill her.
"It is easy to believe she is just grieving. Ozai may be stripped of all he was, but it was plain to all which child he favored," Azulon mused. It went unsaid that this was precisely the reason when he had demanded Ozai sacrifice Azula instead of Zuko. "But I see a look of deep regret in your eyes, Princess Ursa, whenever the topic of your daughter is brought up."
Ursa gave a half smile. She hadn't been good at hiding this. She still hadn't fully come to terms with what "this" actually was yet. "I believe...we may be more alike than I first thought, My Lord," Ursa answered softly.
Both of Azulon's white eyebrows rose at that. "In what matter might you mean?"
"I believe that Azula has come to the conclusion that I...care for her less than her brother," Ursa explained with a self-depreciating smile. "And I'm trying to understand, when I did that. When I made a mistake so horrible, that made her think I love her less than I do."
"Parenting is one thing that few ever truly master," Azulon said sagely. "Whatever offense you have paid her, real or imagined, there is still plenty of times to be there for both of your children."
Unlike how he hadn't been there as a proper father to Ozai. Neither said it, but they both knew it.
"But there is something about Azula you should know," Azulon informed. "Something about the incident that I did not mention, not while your children needed time to heal and recover."
They weren't healed, and they weren't recovered. They were coping though, and that would have to be enough. "What is it? What happened?"
Azulon took a short, calming breath as he broached a serious topic. "After Zuko was hurt, Azula attacked Ozai with Lightningbending."
Ursa stared, and then stared some more. "What? But that's impossible! Azula hasn't even started learning the theory for it, let alone the technique."
"I am aware," Azulon agreed with a frown. "She was unfocused and didn't know how to use it, but she clearly created lightning. And made every flame in the throne room turn blue."
Under normal circumstances, Ursa would have been more alarmed by the second detail. Attempting to take control of the Royal Flames from the Firelord, that was a grave offense to do without permission. In old times before the unification of the Fire Nation and rule was divided amongst clans, such an act was essentially a way of challenging a lord for his right to rule.
But as impressive as it was that Azula took control of the flames form Azulon, if only briefly, that was still not the largest concern. "But how could she even attempt that?"
"Lightningbending was not always known to us, Ursa. Just a few centuries before this war, many thought it was just a myth," Azulon reminded. "Just as it is possible for a bender to teach themselves through trial and error, Azula appears to have stumbled into Lightningbending on pure instinct. If my sight is still be trusted, in a desire to defend her brother."
Despite everything, Ursa couldn't help but smile at that. "My brave little girl."
"If I am glad of one thing that came out of this mistake of mine, Ursa, it is that knowing your children care deeply for one another," Azulon said solemnly. "All of that aside, I simply wanted to inform you as a warning if it happens again, and ask that you keep me informed if she shows signs of trying to replicate it."
Yes, that was a bit of a concern. The Fire Nation was used to children throwing around fireballs, but lightning was something else entirely.
"I thank you, My Lord," Ursa said, preparing to rise before stopping herself.
"Is there something else you wish to discuss?" Azulon questioned with a raised eyebrow.
Ursa seemed to fight with herself for a moment before making a decision. "In the next few days, if your schedule permits it, will you care to join us for a meal, Firelord?"
"The Firelord will not be there, no," he answered before his face softened. "But an old grandfather will find the time, yes."
Ursa smiled slightly. Gradnfather was a role Azulon had never mastered either, but she appreciated the effort. If nothing else, it helped her children understand they were safe in the palace still.
End of Chapter
Okay, so, to answer a question that got asked a few times. No, the Penance of Ash is not related to anytihng in canon, this is my own worldbuilding for the Fire Nation.
But yeah, the angst is off the charts this chapter. Azula is a wreck and Zuko, blessed little turtleduck, has no idea he's keeping her afloat in a sea of self-loathing.
Iroh should be back next chapter I think. Which means the family can finally heal and grieve properly. As Zuko reminded, Lu Ten's death was recent for all of them.
Also added in teh tidbit about how relatively new Lightningbending is in Avatar- it was only discovered about three or four centuries before the war. Considering bending has been a thing for around ten thousnad years, that's interesting. I'm going with the idea it's something that's been discovered and lost repeatedly over time.
Until next time!