Dungeon Master: It's a Magical World

[TimBaril]

"Hey. You wanna buy a dungeon?" The shady salesman's eyes warily shifted left and right like some cartoon villain before returning to land on what he seemed to think was a potential customer. Not that he looked much like a door-to-door salesman. He was scruffy and unshaved, his blue eyes were manic, and he wore unwashed peasant clothes and mud-caked boots that badly needed replacing. His dark blonde, mussy hair looked like something an architecturally-challenged bird would nest in. He wore a dark blue cloak, the colour faded and the edges ratty. He grabbed the center of the cloak with both hands and opened it in the manner of an exhibitionist, revealing a dozen cubes hanging on the insides. Each was the size of a softball or grapefruit and seemingly made of a mix of stone and metal.

Kai stood in his doorway, holding his door open, and looked up at the man like he was nuts. And by doorway, we mean the opening of a very small and short cave in the side of a small dirt hill in the forest. And by door, we mean a bunch of sticks he'd collected from the surrounding forest and leaned over the opening of the cave to kinda hide it from predators. And by look up, we mean way up because Kai now stood only a half-meter tall, and some of that meter was due to his enormous, spiky ears. Because he was no longer human; he was now a gremlin. Just like the ones in those awesome movies.

The salesman waggled his eyebrows and gave Kai a slick smile. "Come on. You know you wanna…"

Kai stared in silent disbelief for a long minute. He was puzzled, which had been a recurring theme the past three days, alongside a boatload of anger. He looked around the forest outside in both directions. "Where the frick did you come from?" Was there a road nearby he hadn't seen despite all his searching?

The salesman shrugged. "The question isn't where I come from; it's where are you going? Where do you see yourself in five years? Still cooped up in a tiny, wet cave, scrounging for grubs and tubers as you scratch out a feral existence in the wilderness? Or maybe out there, somewhere, with arrows in your back and a nice, shiny sword in your smelly guts after being run down by adventurers? Or," he leaned in and knowingly grinned, "are you gonna be running your very own, top-of-the-line, badass, gold-making dungeon?" He wiggled the cloak he still held open. The dangling cubes, his sketchy merchandise, swung and clinked together. A beam of morning sunlight glinted off one, revealing a stone and coppery texture.

Kai stared for another long minute. This guy was certifiably crazy. The very first sentient creature he'd met in this stupid world, and it was a frickin' travelling door-to-door salesman trying to rip him off with some idiotic scam. Kai was tense. He was frustrated. He was stressed the hell out. He'd had a life on another world and been ripped out of it without warning. Ok, maybe not a great life, but still a life. Sure, he hadn't had a girlfriend in a few months…years. He muttered to himself, "Wow." He thought back and did some rapid calculations. Had three years gone by since…? His eyes widened. "No way."

Honestly, his 'career' had been nothing to crow about. He'd been a bookkeeper, kind of a mediocre one because he'd never been one for big firms and office politics and climbing the whole brown-nosing ladder. Also, he wasn't very good with numbers, which was a pretty awful trait in a bookkeeper whose job is almost entirely numbers, and why he relied really heavily on his calculator and YouTube tutorials. He'd worked in a small office on the edge of the suburbs, prepping too many returns at tax time and doing not enough work the rest of the year. It was kind of hard to maintain any kind of enthusiasm for the future when he'd realized three years into his career that he hated bookkeeping, a feeling that had grown into a hateful passion as the years had gone by, but he'd been unwilling to take a leap of faith and try anything else because it was, at the very least, a stable job.

Or it had been. Until some jerk tech bros had come along and started developing artificial intelligence with zero thought as to how it would impact people. Now, the writing was on the wall. Layoffs were already happening in the name of efficiency and profitability. Everyone in the industry knew it was only a matter of time before they were replaced by an app on people's phones, and that steady income he'd been relying on would have vanished. But even knowing that, dread seeping into his daily life as he constantly worried about the future, he still hadn't been able to leave the career behind for something else because, at that point, what else was there? He felt too old to go back to school and didn't have any skills to transfer into another industry, and there was just no telling how AI was going to mess the whole bloody economy up. Imagine spending a fortune going back to school and retraining, only to have AI murder the new career you'd sunk all that time, money, and hope into. So, for the past couple of years, he'd been frozen in place, miserable and afraid.

Then he'd frickin' died.

Or, at least, that's what he'd figured had happened. He didn't really have the faintest clue what was going on. It's not like there'd been that mysterious Japanese truck-kun coming out of nowhere like in some light novel. He'd gone home from work on Friday night, played videogames for hours despite being fully aware that he wasted way too much of his life on that crap, stared at half-naked women on social media because he was apparently lonely but too pathetic to find a new girlfriend, and then crawled into bed. It was basically the same thing he did every day.

But then Saturday had come. Saturday was the best day of the week by far. Sunday wasn't bad, but knowing you had to go to work the next day sucked a lot of the fun out of it. Saturday, however, was always full of hope and promise. To be fair, he spent too much time playing video games and watching crap TV, but at least he felt free.

That Saturday, however, had been something really special. Some guy on the other side of town had opened a new restaurant a while back. It was just a hamburger joint, except it wasn't just a hamburger joint. Apparently, this chef was some kind of culinary genius, the kind who comes along once in a generation, who had taken the humble burger to new heights.

The foodie in the local paper said he'd taken one bite and wept. A guy from the NY Times had gotten through half a burger and lamented that he'd never be able to review another burger again because they would all be inferior and remind him of this. There were even rumours online that the burger was so delicious that it had saved no less than three marriages.

The restaurant had exploded in popularity. It had been all over the news and social media. Cooking shows were coming from around the world to film episodes there. It was impossible to get in, with lines around the block the first two months they'd been open. Kai had been on a waiting list to get in for over ten weeks. He loved hamburgers. As far as he was concerned, they were America's greatest contribution to global food culture.

That Saturday, he'd finally arrived at the restaurant. Crammed into a chair in a space that was wall-to-wall people in various stages of awe and delight, he'd received his burger like it was the holy grail. He wasn't one of those people who took photos of everything and put it online. He wanted to fully immerse himself in the joy of the moment. He just sat and stared at the way the bun had been perfectly toasted and smelled the sensual scents of savoury roasted meat and melted cheese. Delicately taking the hamburger in both hands, his mouth watering, he'd slowly brought it to his lips, opened his mouth, and prepared to take a bite out of the greatest food experience of his life.

Before he could, the most searing and unimaginable pain ever had torn through him. He'd felt himself get ripped out of his body, burned alive, then flung, screaming and on fire, through the cosmos for who knew how long before slamming into darkness. Then he'd woken up, full of ghostly pain from whatever soul-wrenching ordeal he'd gone through.

And he'd discovered that he was now a gremlin.

Yep, just like the old movies, but slightly bigger. Dark green skin? Check. Mouth full of sharp teeth? Yep! He had three fingers and a thumb on each hand and three toes on each foot, and all of them ended in nasty little claws. The only thing remotely akin to his old body was the fact that he was still humanoid.

Worse, his god-tier hamburger was gone!

He'd spent most of the past three days searching in all directions for some sign of civilization, desperate for it and terrified of it at the same time, starving because he didn't want to eat grubs or beetles or whatever else could be found crawling around the forest floor. There'd been a lot of hours spent screaming up at the sky, demanding whatever entity had brought him here show itself and apologize and take Kai back the hell home! When those cries for help and mercy and rants of furious promises of retribution had gone unanswered, he'd stumbled over this cave and decided to hole up, literally, in the dank space. He hadn't ventured far since, in large part because an owl-bear — half-owl and half-bear — had come rambling along, and Kai did not want to end up as food.

Now, here he was, staring up at the first human, the first person he'd seen since coming here, and they wanted to sell him some kind of… He squinted at the things under the man's cloak. "You want me to buy a what now?" To be fair, the shock of this encounter might have slowed his brain down, especially after the soul trauma and ongoing emotional rollercoaster of his arrival.

The man exclaimed, "A dungeon!" He reached under his cloak and pulled free one of the cubes. Bending over a little further because Kai was so short, he held it out before Kai's eyes like he was displaying a fantastic treasure. "Your very own magical, grow-it-yourself dungeon. Trust me, it's a steal." He chuckled as if laughing at his own joke.

Kai looked up at the salesman. He looked down at himself. At the salesman. At himself. At the salesman. In a tone that clearly asked, 'Are you stupid?, he stated, "I'm a gremlin."

The man gave him an approving look. "Good for you, my friend. Self-awareness is key to personal growth."

"I'm just a monster. Standing in a cave the size of a car. Not even a big car, more like one of those mini cars they drive in Europe because the roads are so tiny. A tiny little cave with nothing but air and some dirt in it. Does it look like I have any money to buy anything?"

 

[TimBaril]

The salesman pulled the cube back as he straightened, winked and clucked his tongue with a roguish smile. "Don't you worry, sir." He put the cube back under his cloak and pulled out a roll of paper. With a flick of his wrist, it rolled open. It was a rather nice scroll, with heavy paper filled with dense paragraphs in thick ink written in that old-timey cursive that nobody born after 1800 could read without a magnifying glass and a lot of effort. There was a gold seal at the bottom and a line for someone to sign.

Kai studied it for a moment. "Is that a contract?"

"It is indeed! My, aren't you the most educated gremlin I've ever come across. This here is a contract for purchase with payments deferred, with annual sums owing as a percentage of revenue. A starter plan for the discerning gentleman dungeon master." His tone became understanding. "Don't worry, sir. Nobody expects you to be making a mint right off the bat. These things take time. A good dungeon must be nourished and grown. They take time to be discovered, longer for a reputation to develop, and even longer when you're far from any significant population centers. Why, you could go five years, ten, without paying a single copper. And that's fine! You don't pay until you start earning."

"Like, you take a percentage of revenue forever?"

"No no no! Only until the purchase price is paid off, along with a teeny, tiny, barely noticeable amount of interest. Really, it's hardly worth mentioning it's so small; it's just there for form's sake more than anything. Once the dungeon core is paid in full, the entire dungeon is yours, free and clear."

"Uh-huh."

Arms gesturing like some kind of Shakespearean performer, the man spoke with passion and enthusiasm, "Just imagine it! You, right now, nothing but a strapping young gremlin, down on his luck, can't even afford a loincloth. You're poor, you're hungry, and your life lacks meaning and purpose beyond meagre survival. Now, imagine you, in the future, proud owner of the wickedest, vilest, most mysterious, most profitable dungeon in the land. You sit atop your grand design as adventurers from all corners of the world flock to your door to plumb its depths in search of glory and power and to steal your treasures. And as they succumb to your traps and monsters and lose themselves forever in your dungeon's depths, you'll be raking gold in hand over claw, laughing all the way to the dragonic bank."

Kai blinked. "Dragons own a bank?"

"The financially responsible ones do. Only a fool would accumulate all that wealth and then just, what, sit on a bed of gold all day and guard it? What a waste when you can put that gold to work, making even more gold!"

Kai shook his head. This was all coming at him so fast. He couldn't think clearly. "Wait. You're telling me that these things you've got are, what, dungeon cores? I plant the thing and grow a dungeon? And then make money off it?"

The salesman beamed. "Simple, right? Look, you've already got your very own cave. You're off to a great start. I've got a very nice below-ground core that would be just the thing for you."

"How can a dungeon grow?"

"Magically, of course!" He laughed way too hard. When Kai didn't follow suit, the man hastily explained, "Dungeon cores are connected to the weave itself, the source of all magic that even the divinities take their powers from. It's part of the fabric of the local universe. Your dungeon will become part of the fabric of the world. They all start small; no helping that. But as the dungeon master, you get to single-handedly design your dream dungeon. The more visitors you get, the better your design, and the more you'll be able to expand, adding rooms and whole new floors. Build your own traps and lay out the labyrinth of your dreams. Want lots of dark stone and all kinds of torture equipment and whips and chains? Done! Want an old buried elven city that suffered some strange cataclysm far in the past, with flowing staircases and elegant water features? You can have it! Fill it with an entire compendium of monsters. Hire bandits to patrol the halls. Enlist a necromancer to flood multiple levels with undead. Why, you might even talk a young dragon into making its home deep in the lower stratum." He paused, then became hesitant and serious. "Honestly, I'd be very careful about that last part. Make sure you do the deal in writing and get the absolute best lawyer money can rent. Otherwise, that dragon is going to sucker you something fierce, and the next thing you know, you're endlessly bleeding cash to the greedy bugger, and there's nothing you can do about it." He shook a stern finger in warning.

Kai was pretty sure he was hallucinating. Or maybe thirst and starvation were warping his mind. Or else this world was weird as hell. He looked down at his gremlin body. He sighed. Probably weird as hell. He looked at the contract. He couldn't make out more than a word here and there.

The salesman continued his spiel, "And the best part! If you manage to grow your dungeon all the way to one hundred floors, your dungeon will be recognized as a world feature. Your core will connect directly to the divine realm, and you'll be given the opportunity to ask a boon directly from the divinities themselves!"

Kai was stunned. "You mean, as a reward, I get to ask the gods for something, and they'll grant it?"

"Yes! Exactly! Isn't it brilliant? All these adventurers coming down into your dark halls in desperate and greedy pursuit of gold and jewels and magical trinkets. Meanwhile, you're not only profiting off all their hard work; you're the one who gets the big prize in the end, not them. Ha!" He swept his arm out and cast his gaze to the sky. "Wealth, power, fame, literal immortality. The gods could grant you anything!"

"Like make me human again? Or send me home so I can finish that burger I'd been really looking forward to?"

The salesman froze as if stunned. He hastily recovered and cleared his throat before replying. "Uh, sure. Yeah. Although, you know, maybe aim a bit higher. I mean, growing a dungeon to one hundred floors is quite the accomplishment, and they're, you know, divine beings. They're capable of a lot. Probably better to ask big and then negotiate down if you have to."

"Right." Kai slowly nodded. So, this shady, sketchy, untrustworthy-looking dude was selling magical dungeons — for free. All Kai had to do was sign this piece of paper with ink that seemed to glow with power when he stared at it too long, and he'd get his very own dungeon starter kit. Then he'd somehow plant the seed or core or whatever and start building the dungeon, making it bigger over time somehow. Then, ask the gods for a prize. That seemed impossible. Wild. Out of this world.

Oh. He wasn't in his world anymore. Right.

Kai scratched his head with a claw. "I dunno..." This seemed way too good to be true. His stomach chose that moment to rumble so loudly they probably heard it three forests over. He could really use that burger right now. Maybe an extra-large fries. Enough cola to swim in. He sighed, lost in a vision of unhealthy fast food.

The salesman snapped his fingers and got another knowing look. "Don't worry. I gotcha." He let go of the contract, which somehow continued to float in the air exactly where it was. Then he dug into a satchel under his cloak. He pulled out a basket of bread that was the size of a wine cask and obviously way too large to have fit in that bag. The thing was bigger than Kai was now. The man put it down in front of Kai, whose eyes became glued to all that food. He gulped.

He hadn't eaten or had anything to drink in days…

The salesman held out a finger, indicating Kai should wait. Then he pulled out a slightly smaller, darker cask and set it down next to the bread. He cracked the top open, pulled the lid off, and revealed a huge amount of jerky. The scent of all that dried, spiced meat hit Kai like a delicious punch in the face. His mouth watered.

"And finally…" The salesman pulled out a massive, steaming, apple-type pie so wide and deep that Kai, in his new body, could have jumped in and used the dish as a bathtub. Somehow, the pie steamed, bringing wafts of baked fruit, cinnamon, and a delicate crust that had been decorated in sweet, sweet icing. The man winked again. "Signing bonus."

At the sight of all that food, Kai's starving stomach seemed to want to tear itself out of his body and attack the food directly. Wiping a line of drool off the corner of his mouth, Kai grouchily snatched the contract out of the air. "Gimme that. You got a pen?"

Even more smug now that the sale was in hand, the salesman's greasy smile shone with triumph. He pulled a feather pen out of somewhere. "Of course."

Kai scribbled his name on the contract, which took some effort because his hands were small and had large claws, making holding a pen difficult.

The salesman took the contract and examined the signature. "Excellent! Can't wait to see just how far you get in the time you have."

Kai froze. "Time I have?"

The salesman nodded, casually saying, "Mm. You know, with your limited lifespan and all. I mean, one would expect it to take hundreds or thousands of years to fully grow a dungeon to one hundred floors, but here you are, a gremlin with a lifespan of, what, twenty or twenty-five years giving it a go? Ballsy, my boy, ballsy indeed!"

Kai's hands flew to his head, and claws dug in in panic. "Gremlins only live twenty-five years? Are you frickin' kidding me?"

"Uh, I think so. I'm not really an expert on the subject. But I'm pretty sure they live longer than house cats…don't they?" Suddenly, he seemed unsure, tapping his chin with one finger and looking off in thought.

Kai looked down at himself in horror. This was far less time than he'd potentially had left as a human. There was no way he was going to be able to grow a dungeon in time to contact the gods and go back to being human in any reasonable timeframe. He was screwed. This stupid dungeon was not going to help him accomplish anything. He was going to be stuck as a gremlin, with no hope of ever being himself again, being human, or going back to his world. He'd never find a job he actually enjoyed, never fall in love or have a family, never read the end of that inn story. This sucked!

He might have gone off the mental rails at that point, but his bodily needs were even stronger. Shock and despair took a backseat to a black hole of hunger as his stomach growled again and brought that basic need back to the fore in force.

Kai barely acknowledged the salesman passing over one of the cubes from under his cloak. All he could think about was all that food. The salesman tried to thank him or something, but all Kai could do was give up and say, "Uh-huh. Fine. Whatever." He tossed the cube over his shoulder in disgust at his situation. Then he face-planted in the pie and began devouring it.

It was sinfully delicious.

Something chimed, a little sparkling melody, and it sounded like it was coming from inside his head. Then, it faded away.

Kai couldn't be bothered to give the retreating salesman or the odd sound any consideration for a good while. He'd been in a pretty miserable mood for days, and this food was the best thing to happen to him in a while. Only when he could eat no more, his belly bulging like he was eight months pregnant and about to give birth to more apple pie, did he finally pull his face out of the dish and sit on the ground, sated and happy for the first time since he'd come to this world.

He licked apple off his face. Well, he didn't know if it was actually apple or just something similar. It was good, though. He took a deep breath and sighed, becoming aware of his surroundings again. He looked around. The salesman was gone. Kai noticed the cube he'd bought sitting on the ground next to him. Curiosity overcame his previous frustration and hopelessness. He reached out and picked it up so he could study it.

It was very heavy, requiring both hands to hold it. About the size of a grapefruit, it was mostly dark, reddish-brown stone. Veins of metal ran through it, mostly copper and something dark that was probably iron. He looked closer and thought he saw flakes of gold and even a gold vein. One corner had a bit of polished silver or some similar metal. He found an odd spot and rubbed it with his thumb. Was that a gem of some kind buried in the thing? He wasn't sure, but it felt like it. Or maybe just a piece of glass.

For a few moments, he just sat there, wondering just how big a sucker he'd been to buy the thing. He hadn't even read the contract and now realized that it might have been a major mistake. A quick look around showed him that the shady merchant hadn't left a copy of the likely magical contract around. Not good. Now, he had no idea of what the terms were.

Sitting there and stewing about his mistake wasn't going to do anything but make him miserable, and there was nothing he could do about it now. He didn't even know what direction the man had gone, so there was no way to chase him down. Not that he could, with legs a fraction of the length of a human's.

With another sigh, he stood, the cube in hand. Might as well see if this thing worked or if he'd bought a hunk of junk. He looked at his little cave. Well, the salesman had mentioned it would make a starting point. Kai strode into the cave, going all the way to the back wall. He placed the so-called dungeon core low on the back wall and pushed it into the soft soil like he was planting a seed. Then he tossed some damp dirt over it to cover it, feeling like an idiot.

At first, nothing happened. Then, to Kai's amazement, the cube shivered all on its own. It sunk into the soil and rock. The earth rumbled. An opening appeared where the cube had been, expanding down and going deeper. He could hear distant groans and rock shifting from somewhere below. It continued for several minutes. Then, it slowed to a stop, and the cave once more fell into silence.

Feeling both awed and nervous, Kai hesitantly stepped towards the opening. A dark tunnel dove into the earth. Thanks to his gremlin low-light vision, he could see that it extended about a dozen human paces down at a shallow angle before levelling out. He stared down into the hole for some time, trying to work up his nerve. "Well, here goes nothing." He slowly descended. At the end of the dirt tunnel, he emerged into a square room, the ceiling, floor, and walls all made of large stone blocks. In the center of the room was a chest, just like the treasure chests you see in video games and pirate art.

The top of the chest flew open. Fireworks and streamers exploded out of the chest while triumphant music played. The sparkling lights popped and faded away. That chime triggered inside of his head again. A panel of white light, like a computer window, appeared in his vision, like some outdated RPG text box. He couldn't help but feel a rising sense of excitement as he read the words:



Welcome to Your New Dungeon!

Dungeon Master

Level 1

 

[TimBaril]

Kai's pulse picked up as he stared at the messages floating in his vision, his little gremlin heart rapidly fluttering in his chest. This was just like one of those stupid litRPG novels or isekai light novels or anime where some idiot gets reborn in a new world and is given overpowered abilities and harems of ditsy followers who call him master like happy slaves, and readers are immersed in an empty, storyless narrative with nothing but progression and escapism and unrestrained wish fulfillment with stat boxes constantly appearing showing random numbers going up every time the protagonist sneezes or takes a dump or climbs a tree.

Sneezing while crapping in a tree +1, you have achieved godhood and can now cast nuclear bombs at your enemies with impunity. BOOM!

"Oh, Master, you're so perfect! Let's bind ten more girls to you with magical contracts."

He gagged. So lame. He much preferred that one with the inn and the no killing goblins… Really good story. He had been a supporter on Patreon for years. Then he remembered he'd never be able to read that story again, and his heart took a nosedive into the ground and then proceeded to shred itself. A tear formed. "Dammit. I love that story!" Maybe they had magical internet here that could connect to the one back home. Or, heck, give it a couple of years, and Scamazon would probably reach even other dimensions or whatever.

The text in his vision faded. A new message appeared:



Please place the entrance to the Admin Area.



A glowing green outline of a door appeared on the blank stone wall in front of him. Wherever he moved his line of sight, the outline followed. He looked around the room, then decided to put it on the wall to the right of the entrance. He looked at the spot where he wanted the door.

"Uh, there." The outline faded away, and the small room became dark again. No door was visible. Confused, he stepped closer, looking harder for the door. Yet there was no handle, no button to press, and he saw no hint of the outline from before. He placed a hand on the stone and gave it a push.

The wall soundlessly swung inward.

He grinned. "Secret door. Sweet!" He sauntered into the new room. Secret doors were da bomb.

The Admin Area was another small, square room made of reddish-brown stone blocks. Facing one wall was a console, like a wide podium or something from Star Trek. The base was rock, but the top gleamed with the telltale sheen of glass. There was nothing else in the small space.

Striding over to the console, Kai found himself looking way up at it. Whoever had created this had designed it for human-sized users. "Hey! Not cool! This is discrimination against short people!" He booted the console in the base.

The base slowly lowered until it was barely off the floor.

"That's better." Kai placed a clawed hand on the glass, his hooked nails clicking on the hard surface.

The console came to life like a computer waking from sleep. Messages appeared:



INITIALIZING. PLEASE WAIT.

CONFIGURING FOR USER…

Choosing Hearths

Selecting Stones

Shuffling Cards

Sabotaging Self Esteem

Hanging Cobwebs

Rewrapping Mummies

Sharpening Vampire Fangs

Shopping for Witch's Brew Ingredients

Draining Blood From Victims

Lousing Zombies

Spraying Stench A21-b

Polishing Mana Crystals

Filling Up Loading Bar



As he read the messages going by, Kai was beset by a mix of emotions. On the one hand, this whole magical dungeon thing was pretty freakin' cool. On the other hand, he was still grieving the loss of his old life and body. This fantasy world stuff seemed exciting. But knowing he probably had less than twenty years to live, depending on how old this new body was, had him kind of scared. The idea of growing this dungeon into something grand and amazing was incredibly daunting. Actually, it was overwhelming. A familiar feeling of negativity came over him.



Sweeping Up Charred Minion Dust

Installing New Timer Fuses

Gathering Otherworldly Spectators

Corralling Enraged Minotaurs

Oiling Up Racks and Whips

Wiping Off Tables

Mentally Scarring Trauma Victims

Positioning Heroes/Villains

Glaring at Innkeeper Regarding Ant Infestation

Shaving Cocker Spaniels

Tightening Hinges on Pit Traps

De-bodying Spikes in Pit Traps



Realistically, there was no way that Kai was ever going to grow this dungeon to a hundred floors, meet some gods, and have some wish granted. It would be nearly impossible. Only some try-hard, natural genius type could do that, and Kai was not that.

So why even try in the first place? Why get excited and invest a bunch of time into this dungeon thing only to have his hopes dashed and have his failure prove what a loser he was? He should just give up, walk away, and go make the best of his life somewhere else.

Kai was not the brightest star in the sky. He'd never been the kind to excel at school; he'd never received an honor grade. He didn't learn things quickly, not as fast as some people, which had been really frustrating at times.



Serving Poisoned Beverages

Choosing Room and Board

Unstraightening Crooks

Bribing Guards

Paying Undead Band to Perform Theme Music

Resetting Booby Traps

Resetting Cocky Traps

Resetting Rusty Axes for Beheading the Non-penitent

Re-casting Vile Curses and Hexes

Summoning Fresh Demons and Your Mom



But if there was one thing that many years and hundreds of TV shows, films, and books had taught him, it was that there was one really big difference between winners and the vast hordes of losers in life:

Winners didn't give up.

That might be an easy lesson to be aware of on an intellectual level, but it was a whole other beast living it on an emotional and applicable level. Case in point: Kai was kind of a loser. He'd never achieved anything great. He'd never been the best at anything. He'd watched other people around him get higher marks, run faster, pick up hotter chicks, get better jobs, and so on and so on. When he hadn't been able to perform as well as the best people in class or at work right away, he'd stared at them with some measure of resentment before defensively trying to shrug it off like it didn't matter, then giving up on himself — and not trying again, not trying harder.



Ghosts Re-haunting

Cleaning Invisible Bridges

Creating Misleading Icons to Encourage Choosing Poorly

Brainstorming with the Sphinx for More Riddles

Raising Ceiling That Slowly Descends

Separating Walls That Slowly Close In

Re-stocking Creepy Crawlies

Breeding Poisonous Snakes

Breeding Sharks with Lasers on Their Heads

Beheading Practice



He'd coasted through life the same as most people, giving up in big ways and in small ones many times. He'd convinced himself that he was a loser, that he couldn't do anything, that he couldn't have more.

He'd told himself that he was never going to run as fast as that other guy in gym class, so why try? He didn't want to fail and look lesser in everyone's eyes. He was never going to look like some Hollywood movie star, so why bother dressing nicely or working out? Beautiful women were never going to look twice at him, so he'd spare himself the rejection and humiliation and just not ask anyone out. He was never going to get promoted because others were smarter, worked harder, and were more popular.

Why bother trying hard when it would all just be a waste of his time and effort and lead to soul-crushing disappointment and pain? He was a loser. He knew this. So many experiences had proven this.

But…what if he was wrong?

A piercing scream tore through the air, causing his heart to stop and a cold sweat to break out. He stared at the screen in panic and immediately figured out why, relaxing.



Terrified Distant Scream Trials

Casting Grotesque Monsters

Luring the Golden Child and The Chosen One

Hiding Lost Arks

Preparing Sankara Stones

Robbing Museums For Artifacts

Installing Anti-scrying Devices

Recruiting Cannibal Tribes

Setting Large Rolling Bolder

Starving Lions

Breeding Bigger Big-Hairy Spiders



Giant spiders? Kai shuddered.

Truthfully, he'd never known what he was really capable of because he'd never pushed his limits. He'd always given in to his innate sense of inferiority. But what if — this time — he didn't give up on himself? The idea was scary as all hell but also exciting. Part of him wanted to have hope in himself. Dare he risk giving into it?

Here he was, somehow unexpectedly ripped from his normal life and thrust into a new one. It was kind of a fresh start. Actually, every single day was a fresh start, and we could choose to change the course of our lives at any time, but this felt like an even more poignant turning point, a crossroads like he hadn't been to in a long time.



Licensing Merchandise to Greedy International Corporations

Studying the Science of Fear

Practicing Inducing Misery and Despair

Researching Darker Darkness

Fostering a Sense of Gloom and Foreboding

Designing New Ways to Get Them to Abandon All Hope for Ye Who Enter

Learning How to Strike Terror into the Heart

Loading Menus…Traps…Minions…Design Features…Weapons of Local Destruction…

Preparing Anti-rogue Security System

Feeding Slimes

Composing Eerie Noises



Kai sighed. He hated being a loser. He hated that he was always looking down on himself, probably more than anyone else looked down on him. He had a guilty suspicion that being a loser had less to do with what he was capable of and more with a negative perspective of himself, that thinking and feeling this way was his own fault, a result of giving into his own insecurities more than the world at large was trying to keep him down. It was a very hard truth to accept, but the longer he allowed the idea to sit in his mind instead of running away from it, the truer it felt.

He was sick of feeling bad about himself. He really didn't want to feel like a loser anymore. Maybe it was time to try harder. Maybe, this time, he wouldn't give up on himself.

He felt a rising sense of defiant anger, of rebellion. What did he have to lose? Some embarrassment if he failed? So what? If people laughed at him for falling on his ass, looked down on him, and mocked him, well then, screw those guys. Anyone who did that to another person was a jerk. Their opinion didn't mean dust.



ANALYZING…

ANALYZING…

LOCKING FEATURES BEHIND LEVELLING REQUIREMENTS



He read that, and his enthusiasm dropped a little, though seeing the rule made sense. No OP start for him though. Sad. His life was not an isekai anime with broken skills. Of course, it wasn't. Typical. He sighed. Then he shook off the bitterness because it wasn't helping.

If Kai did fail and had to look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that he wasn't the next superstar or world record dungeon builder or whatever, then fine. So be it. At least he could be proud of himself for trying his best for once, for pushing his horizons, and that was more important. Not giving up on himself would make him tough. He liked that idea. The more he pondered it, the more he decided that tough was the kind of person he wanted to be. So, from now on, he was going to be the toughest he could possibly be.

He was now in possession of a magical dungeon. His very own. That was amazing. So what if the guy who'd sold it had said that it took hundreds of years to grow one all the way? Just because that was true for others, it didn't mean it was necessarily also true for him, right?

An image of a dungeon appeared on screen. Actually, it was the room outside. Below it, a series of tips scrolled by:



If adventurers are easily conquering your dungeon and stealing all your treasure, try not to suck so much.

Dealing with higher-ranking adventurers? Try deploying even higher-ranked monsters. Duh.

Beware of pooing in the dungeon because it never goes away. Employ slimes to keep passages clean and smelling fresh. Consider installing 'ancient' toilets that magically still work.

Dungeons can be fun, but you can't spend all your time there. Don't forget to go outside and get some sun. And try to make real-life friends, too.

Mecha-gnomes cannot be trusted. AI is evil!



Kai couldn't agree more with that last point. About the AI, anyway. He had no clue was a mecha-gnome was.

He took a deep breath. He decided: screw the odds. Kai was going to bust his ass and try to get this dungeon to level one hundred before he died. Then he was going to meet the gods, find the one who'd put him in this position and punch him in the face, then get that boon. He'd become human again. Get his life back. And this time, he'd live better. He'd get his hands on that god-tier hamburger and enjoy the crap out of it.

If he failed, so be it. He needed to learn to be ok with that. The destination wasn't as important as the journey. He'd read that on a poster at the dentist's office, and he believed it. Or he wanted to. He didn't need to achieve everything. He just needed to prove to himself that he could be a fighter and that he had faith in himself. He could be proud of himself for that. Although, it was probably easier said than done.

The console screen froze. Kai tensed in alarm. A red box appeared over the screen image:



CHECKING…

ERROR

NONSTANDARD MODULE DETECTED



Kai's stomach dropped. "No! Don't tell me he sold me a broken dungeon core! I've just spent the last ten minutes agonizing over a bunch of introspection and stuff. It had better not have been for nothing!" Anxiously, he stared at the screen, willing the bad messages to go away.



NONSTANDARD MODULE IDENTIFIED

DETERMINING COMPATIBILITY

VERIFYING…



Kai gulped. Had his dungeon core been hacked or something?



VERIFYING…

AUTHENTICATION ACCEPTED



A yellow happy face appeared on the screen. It winked at Kai, then faded away.

Kai nervously stared at the place where the face had disappeared. "Ok… Weird."

 

[TimBaril]

DUNGEON CORE (POOR) UPGRADE FOUND

UPGRADING…



Had he bought a poor-quality dungeon core? Figured. That sales guy had been sketchy as hell. Kai felt a burst of loathing for the man. Then he took a moment to think about it and realized that the transaction had probably been fair. After all, he was a nobody, a random gremlin in the forest. And he'd paid nothing upfront. His hostility was misplaced.

As the messages continued, Kai's brows rose higher and higher.



UPGRADING TO…COMMON…UNCOMMON…RARE…



The term RARE blinked on the screen for a long time.

"Holy Hanna Barbarian! Rare?" That seemed like a huge level up from poor.



UPGRADING…

UPGRADING TO…EPIC…



Kai's throat went dry. "Holy heavenly grenade."



The screen fuzzed for a split second.

UPGRADING…

UPGRADING TO…LEG…LEG…LEGENDARY

VERIFYING…

INSTALLING

UPGRADE COMPLETE. DUNGEON CORE (LEGENDARY)



Kai took a step back from the console in disbelief. "No way. No freakin' way!" He couldn't stop the huge, toothy grin from taking over his reptilian face. "How the hell?"

Maybe the salesman had made a mistake and handed over the wrong core by accident. Well, the contract was signed, and the core had been planted, so if he came back trying to renege and give him a lesser one, too bad. There was no way that Kai was going to let that happen.

Maybe he was making assumptions, but legendary sounded like it was really rare and impressive. This was the kind of thing that had never happened to him before. He wasn't that lucky. He'd never been born handsome or smart. He'd never won the lottery. In fact, life had always seemed determined to make sure everything about his existence was consistently mediocre while others seemed to catch all the breaks. Honestly, he carried a fair amount of half-suppressed resentment for that. But no more.

Looks like the roll of the dice was finally coming up Kai! He was getting his own OP chance, after all!



DUNGEON CORE (LEGENDARY)

To unlock higher-level features, please grow your dungeon to Floor 10.



Kai shrugged, trying to be patient. "Ok. That seems fair. Gotta prove I'm invested before I can access the crazy stuff. I can do that." To his surprise, he truly believed he would. He could do this!

A digital screen appeared on the stone wall in front of the console like a theatre projection. On the right side was a 3D model of the dungeon so far. On the left was a menu. At the top of the screen was an XP bar for the dungeon and his level: Dungeon Master Lvl 1.

Kai read through the menu aloud, "Structures…themes…traps…minions…creatures…decorations…sounds. Huh. Neat." Unfortunately, very little was available to use in each section. There was nothing in most sections. Theme allowed him to choose whether walls were the current stone blocks or natural stone. "Probably gonna have to level up to get access to more stuff. Or build my own."

Under Structures, he had two door options: a stone block that fell from the ceiling and trapped people inside, and a simple worn stone door with a basic puzzle lock. Under Traps, he had Pit Trap and Bear Trap.

"Pit trap! Classic. Can't use the bear trap; nowhere to hide it on a stone floor. What am I gonna do, bring down a bunch of leaves and hide it under them? Who would step on that?"

Using the console, he put the pit trap right in front of the door. Then he installed the drop slab from the ceiling to cut the entryway off. The little treasure chest that had held fireworks was still in the room. It was empty but would still serve as a lure. He moved it over to the far corner so that anyone could see it from the entryway. The plan was to have someone come in, see the chest, then walk forward and fall into the pit. If they somehow jumped over it, the door would slam closed anyway, trapping them in the room with no way out.

"Simple, but it should work. Hopefully."

Another look at the Structures menu revealed an item for Admin Outdoor Access. He could place a secondary entrance somewhere outside so that he could secretly come and go without going through the dungeon. He placed the interior door on one side of his room. His dungeon was under a small hill with his cave, now his dungeon entrance, on one side. The exterior door popped up in a crevice on the opposite side of the hill in the middle of some bushes.

He surveyed his design with a small measure of pride. This was fun! Almost as cool as that building game with the beavers, Timberbaby or something. Woodborn? He paused in thought. Did they have beavers in this world? If they did, maybe he could recruit some for his dungeon. They were natural engineers.

Finished for now, he used his admin exit to go outside and circled the hill until he returned to the cave entrance. He needed to bring his food into his new lair. It took some effort. He had to empty most of the bread from the basket, hauling it loaf by loaf before dragging the basket all the way around the hill, then down the long tunnel into the Admin Area. It was freaking exhausting. He found his gremlin body was pretty strong and durable for its size, but it was still small. After he'd gotten all the bread down, he ate half a loaf, then returned above for the jerky. He rolled the jerky cask through the forest and tunnel and into his new home. Finally, he took hold of the pie dish with both hands and heaved it step-by-step down into the Admin Area.

He stood in front of the food, breathing hard. "Better eat the pie first." It was a tad cool down here, so the food would last longer than in the heat outside, but it was no fridge. He'd have to eat the pie before it spoiled. That's when he realized that he'd need water or something as well. Unfortunately, he hadn't noticed any streams or lakes nearby so far. Nor did he have a container to hold any. His gremlin form seemed to tolerate dehydration better than a human one, but he was in dear need of a drink.

He checked the console again and found Cistern (small). Had that been there before? He wasn't sure. Placing the cistern on the wall next to his food, it appeared in the Admin Area. It was a clay jug set in the wall with a tap at the bottom. Maybe it soaked up water from the ground or something. He didn't know. But turning the tap allowed a stream of cool, clear water to trickle out. He drank deeply, feeling revived.

Kai returned to the console. He touched a button and another digital window appeared on the wall, this one showed a live view of his dungeon. He could switch views to any angle as if there were floating cameras everywhere. It was very useful. He waited for his first hapless adventurer to stumble by and fall victim to his brilliant design skills. An hour passed.

"No one yet."

He waited some more.

"Still no one coming."

He waited. He ate some pie. It was really good pie. He washed it down with some water.

He quickly checked the screen, just in case someone had appeared in the dungeon during the few seconds he'd taken his attention off of it while eating and drinking. He was as obsessive as a serial author checking their stats after posting a new story online. Or a new influencer posting and then anxiously waiting for their first like. But the dungeon remained quiet.

Night fell. Kai slept.

Morning came.

He excitedly rushed to the console to check for an update. Still nobody. The pit trap resolutely remained empty. His hopes crashed, and he sighed.

Kai realized that just having the dungeon wasn't going to be enough. People weren't just going to show up on their own. This is probably why it took thousands of years to grow a dungeon. His shoulders slumped, and he groaned. "Ugh. If I want to level up faster, I'm going to have to get into marketing, too, aren't I?" That sucked. He just wanted to create and not worry about self-promotion and the whole business side of things! Tsking in annoyance, he made for the exit, then stomped down the tunnel. It was time to give the local area a better perusal. Just his luck, he'd built his dungeon in the middle of freakin' nowhere, and nobody would ever come by, then he'd never be able to level up.

With growing worry, he hoped that he hadn't made a huge mistake just planting the core here instead of taking his time and looking for a better location.

 

[TimBaril]

Kai soon realized that his sense of space had been totally screwed up, thanks to his transformation. What had once seemed close in human terms now seemed much, much further away in gremlin terms. Shorter legs. That was partially why all his exploring in the first couple of days here had seemed so despairing. Now that he had a base to work from, he wasn't as panicked about food and water and felt more confident about exploring and going further.

From the temperature and bright green leaves and grasses around him, he guessed that it was summer. The trees were thick and old, deciduous, maybe elm or oak or something. Kai was no tree expert. They had leaves and not needles. He didn't see any fruits, so they weren't fruit trees or anything. Probably. The canopy was pretty thick, which is why the undergrowth was thicker where branches touched, one tree to another, and was thinner near the aged trunks. As a human, he would have been able to easily march through the mature forest. As a gremlin, it felt like having to push his way through a jungle.

Going in any one direction at random might not lead him anywhere, so he tried to go in a circle, with the dungeon at the center. If he could get an idea about the entire area, he'd feel more confident. He also might not get lost as easily. Losing your magical dungeon because you were lost in the forest would really suck. He needed to push back the mental fog of war and reveal the map.

He was on his third concentric ring, moving progressively outwards from the dungeon, when he finally came across a 'road.' It was nothing more than a dirt path through the forest with traces of wagon ruts. Kai saw a stump and a fallen tree a few centimeters thick. A slightly thicker tree had been cut down further down the road on the other side. It looked like someone came along once in a while and kept the forest from encroaching too far, keeping the route open. That said, there were tufts of grass and weeds all throughout the road, so it obviously wasn't travelled much.

Movement far to Kai's right caught his attention. Instinctively, he crouched lower and faded back behind the cover of some bushes.

A human man in filthy, medieval peasant clothes was carelessly ambling along the road in Kai's direction. He had shaggy brown hair, a big basket on his back with a couple of dead branches sticking out, and he wore grass sandals on his feet. He took a swig from a silver flask in his hand, his eyes listlessly roaming the sides of the road.

Kai felt a thrill of excitement. His first human! Well, aside from the salesman. What were people in this world like? Kai hid himself in the bushes and eavesdropped on the approaching man. Maybe he'd get a chance to introduce himself.

The man sauntered closer and closer. He mumbled to himself, "Skanky bitch of a wife. Thinking of leaving me. Me! For what? How did I deserve that? Scorning me like I'm no good. As if that fat cow is better than me." His tone turned feminine, and he mocked, "'You have a gambling problem.' As if. Just a run of bad luck. What does she know? She was never smart enough to understand things. Gamblin's a patient man's game. Gotta wait. Then, when the cards are right, that's when you strike!" He smacked his hands together. The movement caused some of his alcohol to spill from the flask. "Oops!" He hastily licked the droplets from the side and neck of the flask lest they go to waste.

Kai…was not impressed.

"She'll regret it when I've hit it rich. I'll drop her fat ass and get me a younger, prettier model. Hell yeah. And those damned kids! Looking down on me. How dare they? I'm their father! Ungrateful little shits. They can go live with their bitch of a mother after I drop her. If they don't have the good sense to appreciate all their father has done for them, then good riddance. Bunch of money-sucking piglets is all they are anyway. Her too." He spotted a fallen branch next to the road. Picking it up, he held it in his hand and stared at it in silence for a long minute. Finally, he scowled. "Bloody wood collecting. I can't believe I have to stoop to this to survive. Picking up deadwood for coppers. Can't even cut down a tree for firewood like a normal person because 'you need a license'. Stuck-up government pricks. Why should anyone need a license to cut down trees? They're everywhere!" In a fit of rage, he lashed out with the branch, striking the nearest tree over and over. But the dead stick quickly snapped and fell to the ground. Not exactly a prime physical specimen, the man almost immediately tired out and stood there, smaller stick in hand, panting. In disgust, he whipped the stick at the tree. It bounced back and hit him in the chest. "Ow!"

To level up the dungeon, Kai was pretty sure that he needed to bring people into the dungeon to challenge it. He'd lost all interest in trying to talk to this guy. But how to tempt the guy into going into the dungeon? Kai had no money, so he couldn't wave that in the desperately poor man's face and get him to chase after him. He could try talking. 'Say hey, my good man. Brand new dungeon over there, don't ya know? Got a treasure chest an' everything. Come on; I'll show ya." Kai was a gremlin. He doubted the man would listen to a little green man.

A memory bubbled up from Kai's past, something from TV. A frog that could sing and dance. Loony Tunes? He recalled a man dreaming of getting rich from the frog's talent. Kai squinted his eyes in thought. Could something like that work here?

The man had given up his drunken anger and was now resignedly picking up the stick he'd broken and putting it over his shoulder and into his basket.

Kai took a deep breath. He'd never thought of himself as much of an actor, but… Pretending like he didn't know the man was there, he started singing and dancing, channelling his best Michael Jackson, though he couldn't really remember most of the words, "As he came into the window, it was the sound of a crescendo. He came into her apartment, something bloodstains in her apartment. Something something table. Something she was disabled. She ran into Max Headroom. She was struck down. It's her doom." He raised his voice, belting out the chorus, "Annie, are you ok? Are you ok? Annie, are you ok?" Then, as if he was just noticing the human man now, he froze in the middle of the moonwalk he was doing. Very slowly, he looked up.

The man stared down at Kai in shock, jaw dropped, mouth hanging wide open.

Very deliberately and acting embarrassed, he was a little because he was a very bad singer and couldn't dance to save his life. Kai straightened, brushed himself off, and then cleared his throat. "Ahem. Ah, hello."

The man's jaw slowly rose until his teeth clicked. "What the tarnation are you?"

"A gremlin."

"You speak?"

"Yes…?"

"I've never seen a talking monster before."

Kai nodded and acted knowing. "Very likely. I understand it's a rare thing. That's why my former master made so much money off me."

The man blinked. "Master? How he made money?"

Kai tried to play innocent and trusting. "Yes. When my former master discovered me, he was just as surprised as you are. He convinced me to come with him. He fed and protected me, and in return, I performed for audiences. We travelled in his wagon all over, performing in many different towns. We were very successful. My master collected much money. He used to sit up late into the night counting it, counting how many gold he could turn all those coppers and silvers into." Kai forced a laugh as if the memory were amusing.

"G-gold, you say." The man licked his lips. He took a step closer.

Kai nodded. "It was a good life — for a while. We became quite famous, so I'm told. My master became very rich. But then he became cruel, so I ran away." Kai acted forlorn.

"Yes… A shame…" You could see the calculations going on in the man's eyes. It probably took a bit to cut through the alcoholic haze in his brain, but slowly, slowly, he reached a conclusion: if the singing gremlin had made one man rich, why, it could make this man rich too! His eyes widened with elation. Then they intently focused on Kai. The man slid his flask into a pocket. He took a step toward Kai.

Kai took a step back.

Both paused and stared into each other's eyes.

The man took two steps forward.

At the same time, Kai took two steps back.

As Kai's legs were a fraction the length of the human's, this was not going in Kai's favour.

The man moved.

Kai spun and ran.

The man cackled with glee as he gave chase. He called out, "Come here, you little gold mine! I'll treat you well. I swear!"

Kai didn't have enough air in his lungs to banter. The man was closing fast. Kai pumped his legs as fast as they would go, his toe claws digging into grass and dirt. He sprinted across bare spots and wove around trees. It was all he could do to stay ahead of the human.

The man chugged along, soon breathing just as hard as Kai, for he seemed quite out of shape. So focused was he on his target that he didn't notice a low branch hanging from a particular tree. The wood collector ran right into it with his forehead. His feet went out from under him, and he fell onto his back, his basket cracking and sticks tumbling out.

Kai couldn't help but point back at the man even as he continued to run. "Ha-ha!" Then he tripped over a rock and face-planted into a patch of dirt. Grass poked him in the eye, and dirt got between his many teeth. He pushed himself to his hands and knees, dazed and in pain. He rubbed his hurt eye, forgot he had claws, and nearly took his own eye out. With a jolt, fingers wrapped around his body, and he was jerked up into the air.

The man maliciously grinned down at him, a small gash now on his injured forehead. Triumphantly, he crowed, "Got you!"

Kai spit gritty mud into his eyes.

The man shouted in pain and dropped Kai while trying to wipe the stinging dirt out of his eyes.

Kai ran. He heard the man soon follow, footsteps pounding, breath wheezing. Luckily, Kai was headed in the right direction. Sort of. Spotting familiar terrain, he broke hard left behind a thick tree trunk, gaining distance. Then it was a clear sprint toward the cave. He dashed inside into the darkness.

Running down the short tunnel, he saw the stone floor ahead and just then recalled the pit trap. "Whoa!" He put on the brakes and slid forward, coming to a stop right at the edge of the trap. It might look like a regular stone floor now, but the moment he stepped on it, the floor would open, and he'd plunge into the open pit below, unable to climb out again. Luckily, that didn't happen. Dying to his own trap would have been super stupid. Very carefully, he slid along the very narrow gap between the trap and the wall. His size came in handy this time. There was just enough space to work his way around the pit trap. Then he was free and on the other side of it.

The wood collector came jogging up, his basket of sticks gone, fresh dirt on his knees. The gash on his forehead had opened, and a trickle of blood had come out. He looked exhausted. But the moment he saw Kai, his greedy eyes lit up. "Got you!" He lunged forward.

The trap door fell open. The man fell with a short cry of surprise. His body made a soft thump when it landed.

Kai let out a long breath. He was safe. It had worked. He smiled.

"Hello?"

Kai's grin froze.

"Hello? Anyone there?"

Kai's smile faded away. The man wasn't dead.

"I seem to have fallen in a hole. Please help me."

Kai eyed the pit. This was…an unexpected development. What the hell was he supposed to do now? He looked around as if he could spot answers lying around in the small room. Of course, there weren't any.

"I…I think I've broken something. I think I broke my leg. Yes. There's something white poking out of the skin." A scream of pain. "Yes. Yes, it's the bone, and it's sticking out of my leg."

Kai swallowed. He gingerly edged away from the pit and toward the Admin Area door.

"Hello? Are you still there? Mr Gremlin? Can you help me? Do you have a rope? Can you call a doctor?"

The secret door opened, and Kai backed through it. As soon as he was safely in the Admin Area, the door shut, cutting off the horrible sounds from outside.

"Hello? Mr Gremlin?"

Kai whirled. It took him a second, but he realized the sound was coming from the console. The video screen on the wall showed the room outside. Luckily, it didn't show down into the pit.

"I'm having trouble breathing. My ribs are moving much more than usual. When I put my fingers on them, I can play them like a piano. Ow. Ow. Ow. I think they're all broken." A wet cough. "Uh…I think they've punctured a lung."

Kai slid over to the console. He brought up the design menu: Traps. He punched a button. A bear trap fell into the pit trap.

A horrible scream tore through the air. It dwindled, then died out. Silence reigned.

Kai sighed in relief.

"Hello? Are you there?"

Kai flinched in surprise.

"I think a bear trap fell on me. But it's ok. It only took my arm off. Although, I'm losing a lot of blood now. I don't think I have much time. Do you have a healing potion by chance?"

Kai stabbed the button on the console. A second bear trap fell into the pit. More screaming. Then a third trap fell. He paused. Still screaming. So he hit the button several more times until the pit was entirely full of bear traps, and the screaming ended.

He waited. And waited.

A chime sounded in his head. The text box appeared in his vision.

LEVEL UP!

Dungeon Master

Level 2!

Kai excitedly pumped his fist. "Yes!"

 

[TimBaril]

Kai probably should have felt worse about the guy dying in the trap. He hadn't really put it together in his head that this kind of thing was going to happen, so this was a bit unexpected, a 'duh' moment of realization. Trouble was, he didn't really feel conflicted. The guy had been a real jerk. The world was probably better off now.

Hitting Level 2 caused the dungeon to expand. On the 3D model in the system, a blank plane opened up, showing that space for a new floor had been added. In the menu, new options appeared. There were two types of stairs: stone block and natural rock. He had the option to place two more rooms on the second level, and he could connect them with hallways, which could be as short or as long as he wanted. Or he could combine the two rooms into one big one.

It was the first time he'd really had to start thinking about planning his dungeon layout. He played around with the designer for a few minutes. He settled on sticking with stone block style for now. He placed the stairs to the left of the main entrance, opposite the secret door to the Admin Area. He used a spiral style rather than straight stairs. The steps ended in the middle of the second-floor hallway. Well, not quite the middle. Kai made the right hallway a bit longer than the left. He thought the slight visual difference might throw people off when trying to choose which way to go. Unnerve them because something was wrong, but they couldn't readily tell what. He was probably over-thinking it.

He put one square room at the end of each hall. Then he thought about what traps to use and where to put them. Unfortunately, he still only had pit and bear traps. He put a pit trap in each hall but left the rooms empty. He wasn't sure what to do with them yet. He looked at the bear traps on the screen and really wanted to use one somewhere. He slid one around the screen, but it seemed stupid to put a bear trap in the middle of a room or hallway; it was just too obvious.

He decided to try putting one at the bottom of the stairs. Of course, it was very easy to see. He tapped a claw on the screen in thought. "How to hide it…?" The natural first thought was to put dead leaves over it. But they were underground, not in the forest. Screw it. Maybe he could set it up so that it looked like leaves had blown in through the door.

The design system didn't allow for him to make these kinds of changes with magic, so he'd have to do it by hand. Unfortunately, walking around the dungeon would put him at risk of activating his own traps. He didn't want to die. Exploring the console menu, he found a switch that would tell the traps not to activate on him. There was another switch to prevent traps from targeting official minions and creatures. He clapped his hands, pleased. "Awesome. This will make things much easier."

Kai went out into the forest and started hauling armfuls of dirt and leaves, dead grass, and even a few twigs. He dumped most of it in the cave entrance, spreading it out and making it look like it had accumulated here over time. He dumped more in the first-floor room, mostly in the corners and edges. He dusted the chest to make it look like it hadn't been opened in forever. He trickled dried leaves and grass down the stairs, but not too much. Then he piled a bunch of dirt and leaves around the bear trap that sat below the bottom step of the stairs. Artfully (in his mind), he tried to make it look authentic, like it had all piled up naturally.

Tired, he decided to take a break. He went back outside the dungeon, climbed the hill the cave was in, and leaned his back against it where he could relax and enjoy the sunny day. Taking a moment to just sit and be with himself, things started to catch up to him.

The last few days had happened kind of fast, at least on an emotional level. He'd been ripped from the life he'd known and cast into a new place, evidently, someplace with magic or some version of reality he'd only imagined until now. He'd spent two confused and scary days wandering around, increasingly hungry and thirsty, with no idea of what had happened or what he should do. Only random luck had led him to a modicum of shelter. Then, some stranger shows up out of nowhere and sells him a dungeon.

He closed his eyes, unable to believe this was all seriously happening. With a bit of rare introspection, he wanted to figure out how he felt about it. So he just sat and…tried to make sense of his feelings. He did that for a few minutes. He lay with his back on the grassy hill, feeling the sun's warmth on his skin and the strands of grass on his palms. The forest was quiet. There was a slight breeze. It was very peaceful. It got him wondering about when the last time was that he'd done something like this. Years ago, maybe? He darkly chuckled. How much had human life changed in the modern era that something as sitting on the grass in the sun was no longer a commonplace activity?

No video games. No TV. No phone and no internet. Just fresh air and quiet. It was…really nice.

While it was relaxing and restful, however, nothing about his feelings really became clear. Maybe he was still in shock? Or…was he really not all that upset to have left his life behind? Shouldn't he be more sad? He was pissed about being brought here without his consent. And for not getting to enjoy that hamburger he'd been looking forward to for so long. But achieving shelter, food, and water had eroded most of his immediate panic about survival. More than anything, he was upset at being turned into a gremlin. It was kind of neat, but he really wanted to go back to being human. He wanted his old body back.

That's what he needed: a goal. Something more concrete than endlessly growing his dungeon and maybe meeting some gods someday. He needed tangible things he could work towards, like how he'd gotten food and water and felt a lot better.

He basically had to start his life all over here, so this time, he should try to build the life he wanted and find out what made him happy. Make some genuine, inner-circle friends. Find a partner, someone he could love without holding back, someone who actually liked him for who he was. He wasn't entirely sure how to go about those things, but being aware of them as goals would probably be a start. He wondered what would happen if he came across a gremlin woman now that he was a gremlin too. Would he think she was hot?

He shook himself and got out of his mental space. Too freakin' weird to contemplate. Time to get back to work. Maybe if he explored the area more, he could find something to put in those two new rooms. Perhaps he could make his own traps.

He once more went in a big circle around the dungeon, pushing the limits of what he'd already seen. The entire region seemed to be old deciduous forest. There were birds and insects but other than that owl bear who'd come by earlier, he saw little sign of large creatures. As he drew nearer the road, he instinctively gravitated toward it.

He needed to find more people to enter the dungeon in order to grow it. The road seemed like the best place to do that. So he approached it with caution. One thing about being a gremlin, he had great big ears that were very good at hearing. It made up for the fact that his eyes weren't as good out in the bright sun as compared to the dim light of the dungeon. That's how he was fairly certain that nobody was nearby along the road.

It was ironic, then, that it wasn't his ears but his eyes that led him to his next discovery. While navigating his way along the edge of the road, his attention was drawn to a tiny movement in the grass in the shade of a nearby oak tree. At first, he assumed it was a bird. But when he stared at the spot, something shiny moved again. He stalked toward it, but nothing flew away. Drawing near, he squatted down for a better look.

The creature was only the size of his fist. It was a shiny, clear blob, like a drop of water beaded on a glass. It leaned in one direction, sliding forward like a slug and at about the same very slow speed.

Kai's mouth opened in happy amazement. "No way. A slime!" He watched, fascinated.

The slime oozed over a dead leaf and paused. Very, very slowly, the leaf disintegrated as if eaten away by the world's slowest acid.

Excited, Kai quickly searched the forest floor in all directions until he discovered a small black beetle. Rushed back to the slime, he put the beetle helplessly on its back next to the slime. However, after the leaf had been completely eaten, the slime continued on, ignoring the flailing legs of the beetle only a hair away. Did it not consume living things? Kai crushed the beetle's head with a swift pinch, feeling a pang of guilt, then offered the dead insect to the slime. It's not like he was killing insects for fun, this was the cycle of life.

This time, the slime seemed to turn at the offering. It oozed forward and touched the black body. Very slowly, the slime accepted the offering, and the tiny corpse was gradually drawn into the clear body. The slime rested there, digesting. Giggling madly, Kai watched in wonder.

He sat there for minutes, then an hour. "This is going to take a while, huh?" He watched for another hour before finally noticing that the beetle was finally growing a little rough around the edges as it disintegrated. "This is so cool! I gotta take you back to the dungeon. What proper dungeon doesn't have a slime?"

Very, very gently, he scooped the slime up in one hand and held it against his body so he wouldn't drop it. On the way back to the dungeon, with his other hand, he snatched up some dead leaves and grass that he hoped would feed the slime. Back in the dungeon, he went straight to the chest on the first floor. Opening up the empty box, he tossed in the dead vegetation. Then he lowered the slime and allowed it to rest on the bottom of the chest.

"I have a pet! I shall name you…Slimy!" He watched the slime sit there and continue digesting the beetle for another hour. Very little changed. Evidently, slimes worked slowly. Or maybe it was because this was a baby slime. He was no expert on slimes…yet.

He finally decided to close the chest to make sure the slime stayed. Then he returned to the Admin Area. At the console, he found the slime listed in the Creatures menu but with an Unaffiliated tag and grayed out. He was able to drag the slime's name into the official creatures section. The icon coloured and gave him the option of changing the name, which he did. A status screen listed the slime as happy and healthy. Kai swore he'd do everything he could to keep things that way. This was the dungeon's first resident, outside of himself. He would take that responsibility very seriously.

For two days, Kai kept a close watch on the cute little slime. It did very little and took most of that time to finish off the beetle. Kai also made a second discovery: corpses stink. Down at the bottom of the first pit trap, the body was beginning to rot. Kai wrinkled his tiny nose in disgust. "Nasty. That's no good. It totally gives away the pit's location. The smell will probably scare people off."

There was an obvious solution: Slimy!

Kai had no way of lowering Slimy into the pit. He couldn't get down there on his own without falling, and then he would have no way out. He didn't want to just drop the slime. Maybe it would be fine, but the tiny creature seemed very fragile. He didn't want to risk it. Returning to the console, he excitedly discovered that he could move Slimy around from there. So he moved the slime from the chest to the bottom of the pit trap.

Slimy immediately immersed itself in the puddle of gross fluids. Its status changed from happy to ecstatic. Kai felt pretty pleased with that. He now had an adorable little corpse eater.

He also found out that he could now loot the corpse. He could take the shirt, pants, underwear, sandals, and flask (whisky). Having no use for any of it, he left it in inventory. Especially when he found out that putting things in inventory didn't clean them, so the clothing remained drenched in blood and bodily fluids in the early phase of decomposition. Sick.

He almost dismissed the items from his mind until he recalled that he was still naked. Obviously, human pants weren't going to fit. Taking the pants out of inventory, he used his claws to cut off a clean section of one leg, just a rectangle. He tied it around his waist like a bath towel. Instant clothing! He threw the rest of the pants back into storage.

The only thing better than having a slime in his dungeon would be having more slimes! Kai scoured the nearby forest, meticulously hunting through every bush and every patch of grass in search of more slimes. It wasn't until he explored far enough from the dungeon and came across a tiny pond that he found another one.

---

We now have Kai emojis!
What do you think?

 

[TimBaril]

This slime sat in the water, surrounded by decaying plant matter and bugs. It was much larger than Slimy and tinted a scummy brownish-green. The pond probably offered up a lot of great nutrition. It seemed that slimes were scavengers, consumers of the dead.

Kai was unable to carry the new slime. It was slippery and had no real shape, so it shot from his hands when he tried to pick it up. He had to return to the dungeon and carry the chest all the way to the pond. There, he managed to push the slime into the chest, along with some pond water and decaying stuff and all the tiny organisms living there. That made the chest, which was large enough to be a bathtub to Kai, very heavy. It took two full days of back-breaking work to drag the chest all the way back to the dungeon.

Sore everywhere, Kai left the chest in the first room and went to the Admin console. As before, he used the system to place the second slime, which he named Pondscum, into the pit to help Slimy eat the wood collector's corpse. Slimy was a great little guy, but he was small and couldn't eat very fast. Even days after he'd started down there, the place smelled worse than ever from all the decaying flesh waiting to be digested. Hopefully, Pondscum would help with that, or the process would take months.

Kai made Pondscum another official creature of the dungeon. He also set both creatures to passive so they wouldn't attack each other or any other official dungeon resident. He didn't know if slimes got along or were territorial, so this seemed safest.

Maybe he'd even get lucky, and they'd make lots of little baby slimes!

After all that hard work, Kai was sore and tired. He ate his fill of bread and jerky and guzzled some water. Then he slept. It hurt so much to move the next morning that he was strongly tempted to be lazy and just stay in bed all day, his bed being a mat of grass in the corner of the Admin Area. But he knew that was the wrong thing to do.

He groaned aloud, "Can't lay around all day. If I'm going to hit level one hundred before I die, I need to push myself. Be tough!" That was his new mantra. Wincing, he levered himself out of bed and got to breakfast. He checked on the status of both slimes, glad to see that both were ecstatic now. Poking his head out the Admin door, he found that the place still reeked. It was going to be a while for that corpse to get cleaned up.

Out in the forest again, Kai wandered with less zeal than he'd had earlier. He was just too tired to stay focused. It was interesting to note that he was becoming familiar with the locale and comfortable in this area. He had begun to recognize the nearby trees and rocks. The outline of the hill over the dungeon and the cave entrance felt a bit like home in a weird way. He knew which direction the road was and where that pond lay.

He shook his head. Who could have ever imagined that this would be his life and this place his home? He looked at his clawed hands and saw his clawed feet as he walked through the forest underbrush. He was a gremlin. An actual monster. It would have been a neat experience for a day, but he wished he had his human body back.

Passing under the dappled shade of a particularly tall oak, he looked around without really looking, lost in thought. He pictured a few friends from back home. He'd probably never see them again. Honestly, or maybe he was just being negative, but he doubted anyone would lose sleep over his disappearance. People nowadays called each other friends but weren't blood brothers or anything. You hung out and did stuff together sometimes, laughed and did stupid things, maybe played sports or video games or whatever. But it's not like he was that close to any of the guys. They didn't hug or talk about important things and share stuff, like about their feelings or whatever. That wasn't 'manly'. They didn't see each other all that often. They only got together maybe once a month.

And it was all guys that he hung with. If he stopped to think about it, none of his female friends were friends on their own. They were girlfriends of a guy friend or coworkers. Actually, none of his coworkers were really friends, just friendly. He couldn't imagine ever hanging out with any of the women he knew unless it was in a group. Well, they did say that men and women couldn't be friends because lust or romance inevitably screwed things up. Maybe they were right. Or maybe Kai wasn't very good at being friends. Well, he was a loser.

No. He wasn't going to think that way anymore. He forced the ugly thought away.

Kai stepped out from under the tree, still rambling across the forest, now entering an open section with the clear blue sky above. A shadow flickered around him but he paid it no mind. The forest was alive, leaves and grass swishing whenever a light breeze came along. Birds and insects fluttered by. It was nice. Peaceful.

More than anyone, he did miss his mom. She was his only real family. He didn't know any of his cousins or anything. His sister didn't seem to want anything to do with him, though she'd never said why, just shown zero interest in being family with him after she'd become a teenager, especially after getting married and having kids. Did she see her brother as a burden? Think she didn't need family? Or secretly hate him for some reason? He didn't know, and because of the distance she'd created, he wouldn't really miss her. But Kai was going to miss his mom. He felt really crappy that she probably thought he was dead right now. He cursed whatever entity had done this to him and, by extension, caused his mother pain. He'd been making that curse a lot.

You know what he also missed, but didn't really miss? His phone. Habitually, he kept reaching for it, but it was never there. He felt like he was going through withdrawal. That made him resent the phone, and the tech companies behind it. If the little piece of tech was going to do this too him, he was probably better off without it. Being able to contact people anywhere, anytime, was convenient, but no longer twitching with need every time an alert chimed, no more doom scrolling on social media, no more addictive 'games' that were little more than dopamine delivery vehicles to keep you hooked to your device. With all this walking and doing things with his hands, he felt like he was actually participating in his own life in a way he couldn't remember doing in a long time.

Some sixth sense caused a tingle to race up the back of Kai's neck. Gremlin reflexes kicked in, and he instinctively threw himself to the side in fright, rolling through the grass.

Something huge slammed into the ground next to him. Dirt and grass exploded outwards, peppering him like shrapnel.

Kai scrambled up, already running before his feet were under him, absolutely filled with terror. Movement came at him, and he ducked. A huge tail with a spiked ball at the end flew at his face, then over him. The spikes barely missed his green skin. Kai raced forward, clawing his way through grass as tall as he was as something heavy pounded after him, hissing and crashing through the vegetation behind. Kai darted to his right like prey trying to throw off a predator. He realized that he was exactly that: prey. A frightened glance over his shoulder confirmed it.

A wyvern's golden eyes were dead set on him. The beast was cousin to dragons. Its shorter snout was heavier, shorter, and more square, but it was just as filled with huge teeth and a long, slathering, forked tongue. The wyvern propelled itself forward with thick, avian legs and three-fingered talons on each wing since it lacked arms. The far larger creature was gaining fast!

Kai ducked under a low-hanging oak branch, putting the tree between him and the wyvern. The wyvern was forced to go around, gaining Kai precious seconds. He made for the next closest tree. The only chance he had was to keep them between him and the vast creature intent on eating him. Like a scared rabbit, he dodged and darted in random directions as he made a beeline for the only safe place around: his home.

The wyvern was not a ground-dwelling creature. It had doubtless hoped to have nailed its prey in the initial drop from the sky. Chasing Kai through the forest wasn't ideal, but it wasn't giving up. Because of its vast size and Kai's smallness, it kept up, talons slashing and mouth snapping, always hot on Kai's heels.

Kai had never been so scared in his life. He ran with everything he had. There was no thought of bodily pain or tiredness; adrenalin flooded his body in a desperate attempt to fuel his escape. He saw the hill in front of him and knew the cave would be at the bottom. He sobbed with relief, tears of terror flowing as he ran. He didn't want to die. Darn this world! Darn big-ass wyverns! Darn everyone! He screamed, "Ahhh!"

The wyvern gathered itself and pounced, launching itself into the air above Kai. It let out a triumphant hiss.

Kai slammed on the brakes, letting the wyvern fly by, then reversed direction back the other way. But only for a few paces. Then he turned left around a tree and bolted for the hill again.

He saw the cave!

The wyvern growled, frustrated that it had missed yet again. Huge taloned feet raked deep grooves in the forest floor as it tried to correct course.

Kai ran and ran straight for the cave. He was getting closer. But the wyvern was right on his ass.

The wyvern screeched so loud it seemed to shake the whole forest. Then it launched itself again, wings outstretched, covering Kai in shadows and doom.

 

[TimBaril]

Kai sprinted into the cave.

The wyvern slammed into the entrance. While its body was hung up on the hill, its legs shot through the cave entrance. Great big talons nearly caught Kai but kicked him forward instead.

Kai went rolling all the way down the short tunnel. He came to a stop in the doorway to the dungeon. Sitting up with his head spinning, he fearfully looked up.

The wyvern poked its head and long neck into the cave tunnel. Furiously, it clawed away at the entrance, doing heaps of damage to the opening and enlarging it. But it couldn't go very far.

Kai shakily backed away into the first-floor room, unable to take his eyes off the wyvern. When the beast shrieked, Kai clapped his hands over his ears in vain and fell to his knees. Terrified, he fled into the Admin Area. When the secret door slammed shut, sealing him away in safety, he collapsed against the wall, chest heaving and tears streaming down his cheeks.

The wyvern angrily tried to worm its way down the tunnel, but the space was simply too narrow. Having lost sight of its prey and gaining no ground, the wyvern eventually backed off. With a flap of its leathery wings, it seemed to take off.

Kai couldn't move. He'd never felt like this in his life. No bullying, no near-crash on his bike or in a car, no experience he'd ever had had prepared him for what it was like to have a monster a hundred times his size come after him with raw fury, intent on killing and eating him. He could only sit there and tremble, half-ashamed of his tears and weakness. He could practically feel the PTSD settling in and making itself at home.

For three days, he stayed in the Admin room, too scared to leave. He ate, he drank, he warily took a dump in the pit trap, his eyes on the cave entrance the whole time, before dashing back into the safety of the Admin Area. There was no way he was going out into the forest to do his business anymore. Screw that.

By the morning of his fourth day since the attack, he'd calmed down enough to think rationally again. He sat on his grass bed with his arms crossed over his knees and muttered to himself, "Can't stay here forever. Can't let the fear win." If he never left the dungeon, he wouldn't be able to proactively help it grow. His fear of the outdoors would probably deepen until it became permanent. The only way to stop being scared was to challenge his fear. Easier said than done, but he had to try. That was his thing now. No more giving up.

Gingerly, he moved down the back tunnel. Staying well hidden just inside the admin exit, he looked in all directions, searching the forest for signs of life.

All was quiet. Wind rustled leaves in the trees. The sun blazed down. He heard a bird. He saw a couple of insects buzzing by.

It was highly unlikely that a huge monster like the wyvern would still be around. Kai had probably been nothing more than a prey of opportunity. He would have been a bite-size snack at best, not a full meal. The wyvern had likely flown onwards to find something it could really sink its teeth into, like a cow or ten. Still, as Kai eased out of the tunnel, he did so while looking in all directions, just in case.

He returned to exploring. This time, he made sure not to lose himself in thought. He was potential prey; he needed to think as prey. That meant a constant state of awareness. It also meant keeping an eye on the sky in case something came from that direction as well. He needed to become accustomed to thinking in three dimensions. He stuck close to trees and under branches, avoiding clearings and open ground as much as possible. After a few hours, he began to relax. Coming outdoors again had been a good thing, what someone tough would do.

This time, Kai chose to go in a different direction and avoid the road. He had to be careful he didn't spend all his time going in that direction, or he might miss something useful elsewhere. The forest changed, the trees becoming thinner and more varied in type. The underbrush thickened with a lot more bushes and grass. That made it harder to traverse.

His big ears picked up a faint sound. Coming to a halt, he listened. Was that whispering? Trying not to make any more sounds than necessary, he made for the nearest tree, hoping to climb it and get a better look around. One couldn't see much at his height. That's when Kai made a pleasant discovery: all these claws on his hands and feet made climbing easy! He went up the trunk of a birch-type tree with almost as much ease as climbing a ladder. It was awesome! He grinned to himself.

He rose to a height of about three meters. It felt a hell of a lot higher and scarier than it would have as a human, but his claws gave him a firm hold, and he fought through his fear of the height. Standing on a thick branch, he peered around at the nearby forest.

His gremlin hearing helped him identify the direction of the whispers. He saw a pair of teenage human boys crouched behind a fallen tree and some bushes. The younger one held a very simple bow made of light wood. On his knees, he was taking aim while the older boy gently nudged him and whispered what was probably advice in the other's ear.

Their target was a deer not too far away, grazing on a bush. From the lack of horns, it might have been female or young. The animal's fur was mottled brown and tan with white spots, the belly wine-red. It hadn't noticed anything amiss.

The younger boy drew back on the string, arrow knocked and ready to fly.

From another direction entirely, a twang sounded. An arrow sailed through the forest in a blink and buried itself in the deer's side, right in the belly.

The deer bleated in pain. It staggered sideways in surprise, badly hurt, but not in a way that would soon kill it. Kai knew enough about hunting to know that it was a really bad shot. You were supposed to kill the animal on the first shot if possible. Or at least wound it so badly that you could run up and put it out of its misery. A shot like this wouldn't even cripple the deer. It could take days to die, maybe longer, and it would be in growing pain the whole time. That was cruel.

The older boy urged the younger to fire as the deer tried to escape.

The younger boy seemed uncertain for a moment, then breathed deep and aimed. His arrow flew true. It punctured the deer in the throat. The animal gasped and fell.

The two teens ran for the deer, crashing through the woods. Another figure did the same from another direction: the other archer. The three met over the dying deer.

The newcomer was a heavset man, older and grizzled. His hair was streaked with gray, his clothing dyed brown and green to blend into the forest. He carried a bow as well and had a hatchet and knife on his belt. He snarled at the teens, "That's my kill! Get lost!"

The older boy ignored the man as he bent down and slid his own knife into the deer's heart, ending its suffering.

The younger boy defiantly spoke up with the kind of bravery that kids have when they have yet to understand just how dangerous other people can be, "No, it's not! We were here before you."

"I shot first!"

"Your shot was terrible! My shot would have killed it."

The hunter roared, "That don't matter!"

The older boy wiped his knife off and sheathed it. He held up a hand. "It's just bad luck we were both hunting it at the same time. Let's just split the bag. That's fair."

The hunter twitched. "Share? It's my kill! I ain't sharin' with you twits."

The younger boy protested, "But we need that meat! Our family is starving!" From how reedy thin the two boys were, that seemed true. The hunter was obviously very well fed.

"I don't give two shits about your family, brat. I shot this here deer. It's my kill." He dropped a hand to his hatchet. His voice dropped and became deliberately threatening, "You git gone. Now."

The younger boy was too innocent to realize an adult might hurt him. He stepped forward, his chest out. "No! This is our deer!" The hunter's fist backhanded him in the face so hard that the boy's head snapped around. His legs turned to jelly, and he fell to the ground.

The older boy stepped forward with hands bunched into fists. At least he hadn't been stupid enough to draw his knife. "Hey! Don't you dare!"

The hunter threw his bow in the boy's face, then followed it up with a very solid punch. To his credit, the boy took the hit without falling, only stumbling back a step. But then a second punch landed, and a third. The boy's legs turned to jelly; he fell.

The hunter rained punches and kicks down on both teens. He beat them bloody. Neither was able to resist or escape, let alone fight back. Finally, with one last boot to the older boy's rear, he pointed into the distance. "Get yourselves gone afore I do something you'll both regret. Permanent like. Go!"

The two boys weakly picked themselves up. The older one grabbed their bow; then the two leaned on each other as they hobbled away.

The scowling hunter watched them go until they were well away before kneeling down next to the dead dear.

Kai hadn't moved during the beating. There was nothing he could have done to help. But now the conflict was resolved. Kai could get back to work: finding people to lead to his dungeon. He climbed down the tree to the forest floor and then quietly followed the boys.

He caught up to them soon enough because they weren't moving very fast, both hurt and morose. He waited until they were safely out of earshot of the hunter before circling in front of them and allowing them to see him. "Hey there."

Both boys froze in their tracks. Eyes wide, they stared at him in shock like they were seeing a monster. From their perspective, maybe they were.

Kai hurt, seeing that reaction. This was his new reality; he was no longer human. He should have been thrilled to finally connect with others. But he couldn't be one of his own people anymore. Everyone would always look at him like a freak or something to stab with a sword. It stung, and the sudden emotion made his eyes burn. He hastily waved a hand, like 'get on with it', pretending he was fine. "Yes, yes. A talking monster. I know. Gremlin. Look, I saw everything. With the hunter."

The older boy's expression turned suspicious. "What do you want?"

Kai looked back and forth between the two. "Are you guys strong enough to haul that deer home on your own? Like, fast, if you need to?"

The boys looked at each other. The older one shrugged. "Yeah, maybe. I think so."

"Great. You two go that way. Circle around the hunter, but stay out of sight and make sure he doesn't hear you. I'm going to draw him off in that direction." Kai pointed in the direction of the dungeon. "When he's well away, you two run in and get that deer. Haul it off quick as you can in case he comes back."

The younger boy found his courage. "Why? You want some of our kill?"

Kai grinned. "Nah. I want that hunter." It was probably the really wide smile full of sharp teeth that caused both boys to pale slightly. He waved them in the direction he wanted them to go, then took off back toward the hunter. A couple of moments later, he heard the boys following his instructions. He was pleased but also a tad anxious. He hoped he'd be successful in leading that hunter away. If he wasn't, and the rough man returned to find the boys dragging that deer off, he'd likely kill both.

Kai gave the boys some time to get into position. Then he snuck as close as he dared to the hunter. Along the way, he picked up a couple of small stones. Hiding behind a patch of grass, he could just see the hunter in the distance, working over the deer. Kai pulled his arm back and then threw as hard as he could.

Being a gremlin hadn't improved his general lack of athletic ability. The stone missed and hit the ground at least a meter away.

The hunter's attention snapped in that direction. He looked around. Seeing nothing, he returned to his task.

Kai tossed another stone. This one hit the hunter in the lower back. Kai nearly cheered himself for it.

The hunter abruptly stood. He looked around the ground but seemed to find nothing. His gaze roamed the surrounding forest. He frowned. Seeing nothing, he turned back to his work, but now with his movements sharper.

Kai threw another stone.

It hit the grass, and the hunter practically jumped to his feet. He angrily scanned the nearby trees. "If that's you brats comin' back thinkin' yer tough, yer makin' a big mistake."

Kai hollered, "It's not the kids, you big dumbass."

The hunter whirled in the direction of Kai's voice. "Who's there?" He bent down and picked up his bow. Pulling an arrow from the quiver on his back, he nocked it and slowly turned in a three-sixty-degree scan of his surroundings.

Kai had his attention. He felt his adrenalin rise. Staying low, he shouted, "What's wrong? Mighty dumb-dumb hunter gonna shoot me? Ha! I saw you shoot. You could only hit the broad side of that deer. The little kid shot better than you!" Ironically, Kai was pretty sure that if he ever unwisely attempted to fire a bow, he'd probably just shoot himself in the foot.

The hunter called out, "Yeah? C'mon out! Maybe I'll show you how good I shoot."

Kai eased himself backward through the vegetation. Now that he had the man's attention, there was no need to be this close. Time to start drawing him in the direction of the dungeon. "Are you sure? Maybe I should get closer so you can actually hit me. Actually, give me a month or two. I'll gorge myself until I have a fat belly like yours, so I'll be a better target."

"Show yerself!"

"Say, is that your name, by the way? Fatty fat dumb-dumb? Worst hunter in the land? Guy who gets beat by little boys?"

The hunter swiftly pulled and fired his arrow. It shot into the ground only a few meters from Kai.

Kai freaked out at how close the shot had been. He moved away faster. "Ha! Looks like you enjoy the thought of little boys beating you. You pedophile."

The hunter drew another arrow. Hunching over, he swiftly moved in Kai's direction, actively hunting his target. From the glower on his ugly mug, the man was very ticked off.

Kai turned and jogged, trying to keep as hidden as possible. Thinking like prey, he tried to stay hidden and kept as many trees as he could between him and the hunter. Luckily, the hunter started going off course, getting further away in the wrong direction and giving Kai some space. Pausing behind a tree, Kai called out to get the man back on track, "Look at you. Can even track your quarry properly. Some hunter you are. Lame!"

The hunter whirled and fired off a snap shot.

The arrow slammed into the tree Kai was hiding behind.

Kai jumped with a yelp. Then he took off at a run, no longer attempting to hide, just making himself hard to hit. He glanced over his shoulder.

The hunter had seen him and was running after him, his face red.

Kai sprinted. It occurred to him that he really needed to find a better way of doing this. Constantly acting as bait in order to lure people to the dungeon was gonna get old fast. He was gonna get himself killed. He heard the man stop chasing and looked back.

The hunter was drawing his bow.

Kai dove to the side. An arrow ripped through the grass behind him. He hissed, "Freak me, that was close." Then he was up and running again. He had to get to the dungeon. Weaving through the forest, the hill came into view. He darted for the entrance. Passing through it and into the tunnel, an arrow thudded into the earth outside, just missing him.

Kai skidded to a halt. He turned back, stuck his head outside, and yelled, "You shoot like a pedophile!" He jumped out of the cave and gave the guy a cocky grin and two middle fingers.

The hunter roared and gave chase once more.

Kai raced into the dungeon.