Feline Familiar Fable : A [???] Quest

[Jans]

"In ancient times cats were worshiped as gods; they have not forgotten this."

― Terry Pratchett

You are Felis silvestris catus. Mighty hunter. Benevolent ruler. Pinnacle of evolution.

Approximately six months old.

That's okay though, because you have another claim to fame.

Omnipotus Magicus Familiarus.

You only just got the job, but you're pretty confident you'll do well. You even decided to choose from the "Mostly useless or incompetent." category for your first job. Got to prove your superiority right?

After some thought you narrowed it down to the most hopeless cases.

[X] A useless orphan.
[X] A socially inept nerd.
[X] A useless slacker.
[X] A spineless introvert.
[X] A useless cripple.
[X] A traumatized war vet.
[X] A useless brat.
[X] A terminal shut-in.

====================Stat Sheet==================

Name: Maru
Age: Six months
Color: Black

Attack: Terrible (0
Defense: Average (2)
Speed: Below Average (1)
Luck: Above Average (3)

Passive Powers: Always on.
-Someone Else's Problem: It takes an act of strong will for anyone but Master to even notice you.
-InfoLink: Low detail information about the future available.

Active Powers: Once per turn.
-Negate Attack: Minor causality editing. Works on any attack targeting the Master.
-Augury: You may ask one question per turn and receive a True Yes/No answer.

Temporary Powers:
-Adorable: Otherwise rational beings will behave completely irrationally around you. D'aawwwwwwwishakittycat! Lasts three years.
-Superb Luck: Everything goes right, first 2 Turns.

Artifact:
-Key to the Magnificent Monster Mansion: Apparently, most modern societies look down on the rampant slaughter of sentient beings for experience and loot. While this is news to you, a key to the Mansion will provide An Accessible Avenue for Adventures. To use the key, one finds a door with a key lock, inserts, turns, and removes the key as if unlocking something. When the door is opened it will lead to the Mansion.

 

[Happerry]

[X] A traumatized war vet.

Let's use our powers of cuteness for the purposes of goodness!

 

[mc2rpg]

[X] A useless orphan.

Orphans are easily replaceable, so no one will care if things go poorly and we lose our new servant. We can always just pick up a new one.

 

[Biigoh]

[X] A terminal shut-in.

 

[Malcolmo]

[X] A spineless introvert.

 

[Larekko12]

[X] A traumatized war vet.
[X]Tabitha
[X]White.

 

[Bloodshifter]

[X] A terminal shut-in.

 

[mc2rpg]

Cmon guys, it is our duty to trim down the number of pathetic orphans lying around in the streets. As a proper ruler of the universe maintaining population of our servitor races is essential.

 

[Jans]

You further narrow down your choices and request more information on each case for further consideration.


======Choice update!=======

[X] A useless orphan. 1
[X] A socially inept nerd.
[X] A useless slacker.
[X] A spineless introvert. 1
[X] A useless cripple.
[X] A traumatized war vet. 2
[X] A useless brat.
[X] A terminal shut-in. 2


[X] A useless orphan.
Potential: Moderate-High
Likelihood of Death without Intervention: 100%
Likelihood of Bad End without Intervention: 25%
Special Traits Available: Friendship, Common Sense

[X] A spineless introvert.
Potential: Low-God
Likelihood of Death without Intervention: 33%
Likelihood of Bad End without Intervention: 100%
Special Traits Available: Friendship, Boundless Potential, Derailment

[X] A traumatized war vet.
Potential: High
Likelihood of Death without Intervention: 50%
Likelihood of Bad End without Intervention: 80%
Special Traits Available: Minor Character Intervention, Hilarity Thy Name Is, Mr. Fixit

[X] A terminal shut-in.
Potential: Moderate-Extreme
Likelihood of Death without Intervention: 100%
Likelihood of Bad End without Intervention: 100%
Special Traits Available: Friendship, Derailment, Boundless Potential, Mr. Fixit

 

[useless101]

[X] A traumatized war vet

You used the word 'hilarity' in the description. Apparently that's my secret weakness.

 

[Malcolmo]

[X] A spineless introvert.

 

[nick012000]

[X] A spineless introvert.

I wonder how Shinji Ikari getting a pet kitten will change things.

 

[Emral282]

[X] A terminal shut-in.

Bad End AND Death chance 100%?
Sure. Why not.

 

[fitzgerald]

[X] A terminal shut-in.

 

[Robotninja]

[X] A terminal shut-in.

 

[Jans]

Closed, the shut-in wins it!

Writing.

 

[Jans]

Well, you wanted a challenge. The little information you have on this Master is pretty grim. Shitty childhood, holy cow abandonment issues, no friends, destined to kick the bucket inside of five years, high likelihood of not lasting two years, and no happy ending in sight.

If a metaphorical representation of feline superiority could sigh and still look dignified, you would. Being awesome like that, you do.

Master would need a fairly active support package to even have a chance of survival, and you are… pretty new at this. Combat support wasn't immediately viable. Curse you tiny body! Curse you!

You are going to have to keep your wits about you if this one is going to work. Time to get down to the brass tacks. Its a lot to take in for your first job and the details are sparse, but you're confident that you can pull through.

Gender: Bonus
[X] Male: Attack Bonus
[X] Female: Defense Bonus
-----

Name
[X] Write-In: Master is a young girl, so you can get away with some pretty cutest and silly things. A surprising number of violent or awesome names would also suffice.
-----

Color: Special Skill
[X] Black: Luck
[X] White: Power
[X] Gray: Stealth
[X] Orange: Subtlety
------

Passive Power: Always on
[X] Someone Else's Problem: It takes an act of strong will for anyone but Master to even notice you.
[X] Precognition: A low detail stream of information about the next few seconds.
[X] Uncanny Attribute: Enhance Attack, Defense, or Speed
[X] Fast Healing 1: The lowest tier of regeneration.
[X] Write-In
-----

Active Power: Once per turn
[X] Divination: Medium detail information on a specific action.
[X] Feline Fury: A free attack. Useful for rule of funny or villain interrupts.
[X] Misfortune: Everything that can go wrong, will.
[X] Negate Attack: Minor causality editing.
[X] Write-In
-----

Temporary Power: Duration inversely proportionate to potency. These powers are either a buff (provides a boost or a trait), an effect (specific event), or a consumable (save and use).
[X] Kitten Starting Package: Adorable, first 3 Years. You get this for free.
[X] Fantasy: Temporarily switch stories, 1 Year. Occurs between first and second year.
[X] Superb Luck: Everything goes right, first 2 Turns.
[X] Revive: One use.
[X] Write-In:
-----

Artifact: Fancy backflips not included.
[X] The Big Bad Bingo Book of Thing That Go Bump in the Night (and other supernatural occurrences) Type 3: A constantly updating grimoire of knowledge. It may not be an actual spellbook, but the amount of information this tome holds is staggering. Type 3s are local only.
[X] Key to the Magnificent Monster Mansion: Apparently, most modern societies look down on the rampant slaughter of sentient beings for experience and loot. While this is news to you, a key to the mansion will provide An Accessible Avenue for Adventures.
[X] Magic Weapon: Fairly standard gear for your typical hero. Yours has the benefit of customizing itself to fit your Master.
[X] Write-In

 

[Scia]

[X] Female: Defense Bonus
[X]Fluffy
[X] Black: Luck
[X] Precognition: A low detail stream of information about the next few seconds.
[X] Revive: One use.
[X] Key to the Magnificent Monster Mansion: Apparently, most modern societies look down on the rampant slaughter of sentient beings for experience and loot. While this is news to you, a key to the mansion will provide An Accessible Avenue for Adventures.

 

[redaeth]

[X] Mary Contrary
[X] Female: Defense Bonus
[X] Black: Luck
[X] Someone Else's Problem: It takes an act of strong will for anyone but Master to even notice you.
[X] Negate Attack: Minor causality editing.
[X] Superb Luck: Everything goes right, first 2 Turns.
[X] Key to the Magnificent Monster Mansion: Apparently, most modern societies look down on the rampant slaughter of sentient beings for experience and loot. While this is news to you, a key to the mansion will provide An Accessible Avenue for Adventures.

 

[shaderic]

[X] Female: Defense Bonus
[X] Maru
[X] Black: Luck
[X] Someone Else's Problem: It takes an act of strong will for anyone but Master to even notice you.
[X] Negate Attack: Minor causality editing.
[X] Fantasy: Temporarily switch stories, 1 Year. Occurs between first and second year.
[X] Key to the Magnificent Monster Mansion: Apparently, most modern societies look down on the rampant slaughter of sentient beings for experience and loot. While this is news to you, a key to the mansion will provide An Accessible Avenue for Adventures.

 

[Nekraa]

[X] Female: Defense Bonus
[X] Maru
[X] Black: Luck
[X] Someone Else's Problem: It takes an act of strong will for anyone but Master to even notice you.
[X] Negate Attack: Minor causality editing.
[X] Fantasy: Temporarily switch stories, 1 Year. Occurs between first and second year.
[X] Key to the Magnificent Monster Mansion: Apparently, most modern societies look down on the rampant slaughter of sentient beings for experience and loot. While this is news to you, a key to the mansion will provide An Accessible Avenue for Adventures.

 

[drake_azathoth]

[X] Maru
[X] Male: Attack Bonus
[X] Black: Luck
[X] Someone Else's Problem: It takes an act of strong will for anyone but Master to even notice you.
[X] Negate Attack: Minor causality editing.
[X] Superb Luck: Everything goes right, first 2 Turns.
[X] Key to the Magnificent Monster Mansion: Apparently, most modern societies look down on the rampant slaughter of sentient beings for experience and loot. While this is news to you, a key to the mansion will provide An Accessible Avenue for Adventures.

 

[Malcolmo]

[X] Male: Attack Bonus
[X] Black: Luck
[X] Precognition: A low detail stream of information about the next few seconds.
[X] Negate Attack: Minor causality editing.
[X] Superb Luck: Everything goes right, first 2 Turns.
[X] Magic Weapon: Fairly standard gear for your typical hero. Yours has the benefit of customizing itself to fit your Master.

Reasoning for the weapon: Our Master is going to need some form of combat support and this is the best way of giving him some support.

 

[Heaven Canceler]

[X] Female
[X] Tabitha
[X] Orange
[X] Someone Else's Problem: It takes an act of strong will for anyone but Master to even notice you.
[X] Misfortune: Everything that can go wrong, will.
[X] Superb Luck: Everything goes right, first 2 Turns.
[X] Magic Weapon: Fairly standard gear for your typical hero. Yours has the benefit of customizing itself to fit your Master.

With the exception of being a shut-in, that character sounds very much like Shinji Ikari, maybe a non-Standard Version that just gave up and decided to stay stuck in his room instead of coming when his father asks?

 

[kinglugia]

[X] Maru
[X] Male: Attack Bonus
[X] Black: Luck
[X] Someone Else's Problem: It takes an act of strong will for anyone but Master to even notice you.
[X] Negate Attack: Minor causality editing.
[X] Superb Luck: Everything goes right, first 2 Turns.
[X] Key to the Magnificent Monster Mansion: Apparently, most modern societies look down on the rampant slaughter of sentient beings for experience and loot. While this is news to you, a key to the mansion will provide An Accessible Avenue for Adventures.

 

[redaeth]

The biggest reason to pick the monster option is to get our charge stronger faster. Grinding low level monsters also gets them used to battle so they don't panic if say, injured for the first time or have a status effect of some kind laid upon them.

 

[Pipeman]

[X] Female: Defense Bonus
[X] Maru
[X] Black: Luck
[X] Someone Else's Problem: It takes an act of strong will for anyone but Master to even notice you.
[X] Negate Attack: Minor causality editing.
[X] Fantasy: Temporarily switch stories, 1 Year. Occurs between first and second year.
[X] Key to the Magnificent Monster Mansion: Apparently, most modern societies look down on the rampant slaughter of sentient beings for experience and loot. While this is news to you, a key to the mansion will provide An Accessible Avenue for Adventures.

 

[Heaven Canceler]

Why doesn't anyone want to go the Misfortune route? It sounds like a great way to screw over any enemies if our mere presence makes their luck go bye bye. Maybe we can even learn to control it, bottle it up and throw it at someone we don't like.

 

[TheOtherSandman]

[X] Maru
[X] Male: Attack Bonus
[X] Black: Luck
[X] Someone Else's Problem: It takes an act of strong will for anyone but Master to even notice you.
[X] Misfortune: Everything that can go wrong, will.
[X] Superb Luck: Everything goes right, first 2 Turns.
[X] Key to the Magnificent Monster Mansion: Apparently, most modern societies look down on the rampant slaughter of sentient beings for experience and loot. While this is news to you, a key to the mansion will provide An Accessible Avenue for Adventures.

 

[Vindictus]

[X] Male: Attack Bonus

[X] Blade Tiger

[X] Gray: Stealth

[X] Uncanny Attribute: Enhanced Speed

[X] Negate Attack: Minor causality editing.

[X] Superb Luck: Everything goes right, first 2 Turns.

[X] Key to the Magnificent Monster Mansion: Apparently, most modern societies look down on the rampant slaughter of sentient beings for experience and loot. While this is news to you, a key to the mansion will provide An Accessible Avenue for Adventures.