General chat thread

[MadGreenSon]

As the day has worn on the smell of barbecuing has gotten thick in the air and my hunger for it has become like a sickness.
Takes my mind off the heat. Which had deranged me enough earlier that I was halfway through locating a house with a pool to break into their yard and jump in.
But that would be a stupid thing to go to jail for.
I realized how bad the numbness in my feet is a short while ago when I noticed I'd been walking around without my sandals all day and not felt any different.
But good god, I would do violence for a hot dog or hamburger or something from a grill right now. I'm fully past the vomiting this morning.

—————————
I'm currently homeless, sick and living in a car.
Contributions to my medicine/gas/food needs welcome here
Please help me I desperately need gas and food

 

[MadGreenSon]

Got the hell scared out of me this morning. Woke up and my left arm, my whole left arm, was tingly, numb, and I couldn't really move it.
With my history of heart problems this was terrifying.
It ended up clearing up fast once I sat up and rubbed some circulation into it.

Never did manage to get something to eat yesterday, that plus the mild level of dehydration have me feeling pretty weak today.
Can't really avoid the dehydration, it's just too hot and I can't keep up.
Got messaged by my insurance today, they expect to be paid on Monday, another worry for the anxiety pile

Edit: also I haven't had caffeine in days and, which hurts a lot

—————————
I'm currently homeless, sick and living in a car.
Contributions to my medicine/gas/food needs welcome here
Please help me I desperately need gas and food

 

[MadGreenSon]

Well, today has sucked.

Almost all of my attention is focused on distracting myself from how I feel. Additionally, the heat makes me feel simultaneously really tired and too uncomfortable to fall asleep.

Above all though, before my insurance bill, before gas, before anything else, I desperately want to eat something. I actually would kill for a fuckin hot dog right now



—————————
I'm currently homeless, sick and living in a car.
Contributions to my medicine/gas/food needs welcome here
Please help me I desperately need gas and food

 

[MadGreenSon]

Woke up with the hungry feeling fading. I myself am feeling faded and tired today.
Tried meditating but closing my eyes like that just made me fall asleep.
Worry about the car insurance is also fading. I'll just have to accept whatever happens. No point in getting excited about it.
Been trying to panhandle, both this morning and yesterday afternoon, but I lost my sign and am intensely socially awkward irl, so results are even worse than normal

I would straight up prostitute myself for some food and gas right now but no one wants to buy what I've got on offer.

At least the hungry doesn't hurt right now


—————————
I'm currently homeless, sick and living in a car.
Contributions to my medicine/gas/food needs welcome here
Please help me I desperately need gas and food

 

[evildice]

Worry about the car insurance is also fading. I'll just have to accept whatever happens. No point in getting excited about it.

Click to shrink...

Post how much it is, someone might help.

Also isn't there something about the state picking up your insurance if you fill out some forms? (I live in NYC and don't own a car so this "car insurance" stuff is all a mystery to me.) Obviously you'll need money to pay for this month but you may have a way to avoid that going forward.

For telephone, have you looked at the free Google phone number thing? I tried using one for a while -- and there was an app for my phone to transparently use Google's number -- but I never really got into it and eventually they took the free number away because I wasn't using it. You'd need wifi to use it without a phone plan but parking somewhere with wifi may be a lot cheaper than a phone plan.

At least the hungry doesn't hurt right now

Click to shrink...

When's the next food pantry event near you?


... how much gas would it cost to get to someplace with better support services?

 

[MadGreenSon]

Post how much it is, someone might help.

Click to shrink...

60$ for the renewal this month, normally it's 45$
Honestly though, even small amounts mean a lot

Also isn't there something about the state picking up your insurance if you fill out some forms? (I live in NYC and don't own a car so this "car insurance" stuff is all a mystery to me.) Obviously you'll need money to pay for this month but you may have a way to avoid that going forward.

Click to shrink...

Turns out the program for that costs more than what I currently have

For telephone, have you looked at the free Google phone number thing? I tried using one for a while -- and there was an app for my phone to transparently use Google's number -- but I never really got into it and eventually they took the free number away because I wasn't using it. You'd need wifi to use it without a phone plan but parking somewhere with wifi may be a lot cheaper than a phone plan.

Click to shrink...

I'm currently riding Wi-Fi from a gym that I got the password for. 24 hours, no restrictions. Unlike McDonald's Wi-Fi I can get porn through this

When's the next food pantry event near you?

Click to shrink...

17th

... how much gas would it cost to get to someplace with better support services?

Click to shrink...

Support services all charge money. That's why I sleep in my car.
I have no idea how much gas I would need to get somewhere better


—————————
I'm currently homeless, sick and living in a car.
Contributions to my medicine/gas/food needs welcome here
Please help me I desperately need gas and food

 

[NotYetAJumper]

Hello QQ, just making a first comment post in case there's any kind of rule about that. Apologies if this isn't the place for that, or is unnecessary.

 

[LurkingInTheDeceit]

Hello QQ, just making a first comment post in case there's any kind of rule about that. Apologies if this isn't the place for that, or is unnecessary.

Click to shrink...

You do need to post at least once on the forum to unlock some account privileges (like editing your custom title, but probably other things too), and your posts are invisible till your first is approved (spambot measure). There's an introduction thread, but there's no rule about where your first post needs to be, and most everything is on-topic in this thread anyway.

 

[Dream water void and sky]

Guys, how could I change the signature under my profile? I can't find how to do this(

 

[evildice]

Hello QQ, just making a first comment post in case there's any kind of rule about that. Apologies if this isn't the place for that, or is unnecessary.

Click to shrink...

How dare

Err, I mean welcome.

Guys, how could I change the signature under my profile? I can't find how to do this(

Click to shrink...

Spoiler

then

 

[LurkingInTheDeceit]

Guys, how could I change the signature under my profile? I can't find how to do this(

Click to shrink...

If you want to change the 'Your first time is always over so quickly, isn't it?' to something else:

Click Avatar at top of page for drop down menu -> Account details -> Custom Title | Or click this link.

If you actually mean your Signature, I.e. the bit underneath every one of your posts (mine says 'Former lurker turned fraud. Avatar. Banner.'), then:

Click Avatar at top of page for drop down menu -> Signature | Or click this link.

 

[Dream water void and sky]

...

Click to shrink...

...

Click to shrink...

Спасибо за быстрый ответ)

 

[MadGreenSon]

The worst thing lately has been the heat. I'm constantly at least mildly dehydrated because I honestly can't drink enough water to keep up with being squeezed out like a sponge by the fucking sun. At least once a day I have to take my shirt off and wring it out like a soaked washcloth.
It's some miserable shit, lemme tell you.

Today is pretty overcast, so it's not quite as bad, but the humidity is up so everything is still sticky and sweaty as all hell.

Gonna see if I can meditate today. Still have the tree here so maybe I can "transcend" for a little while and spend time not feeling miserable.


—————————
I'm currently homeless, sick and living in a car.
Contributions to my medicine/gas/food needs welcome here
Please help me I desperately need gas and food

 

[Arc-on-Fire]

The worst thing lately has been the heat.

Click to shrink...

Try to keep your time in your car minimal, stay in shade and downwind. (If your having problems with mosquitoes or any other blood-sucking vermin, get a metal pot/pan and as much greenwood and leaves as you can. Don't try and turn it into a fire, just let it smoulder: the smoke keeps the vermin away in until the night. Spreading crushed wild garlic and mud on your skin also helps keep vermin away.)

I'm constantly at least mildly dehydrated because I honestly can't drink enough water to keep up with being squeezed out like a sponge by the fucking sun.

Click to shrink...

Again: get out of your car once in a while, it's an oven. Two, stay in some good shade. Now as for the water problem... stop chugging it down the second you get it. Like it took a while for me to get that dehydration is more about your kidneys than a parched throat. I know for a fact that you feel like shit after you gulp down whatever water you got. Feel bloated as hell, wanna piss but can't, maybe even some nausea or stomach cramps.

Wet your lips, let the gag/throat reflex pass and take small sips through out the hours. If you can, eat or nibble on something salty while your sipping. Trust me, it fucking helps. Now I've read that you're near a gym. See if you can rumage around in order to find a good water bottle that you can clean up and use proper for rehydrating safely.

At least once a day I have to take my shirt off and wring it out like a soaked washcloth.
It's some miserable shit, lemme tell you.

Click to shrink...

Keep your shit loose, let it breathe and most importantly - KEEP IT DRY! Like dude, it's gotta be stagnant wind with like 30+ weather and 100% humidity where you're at if you're sweating that fucking hard.

Today is pretty overcast, so it's not quite as bad, but the humidity is up so everything is still sticky and sweaty as all hell.

Click to shrink...

Could be worse. Strip your upper layers if you can.

Gonna see if I can meditate today. Still have the tree here so maybe I can "transcend" for a little while and spend time not feeling miserable.

Click to shrink...

Here's a nugget of injun spiritual survival: get into a state of being half-awake and half-asleep, during the process - focus your mind and try to dream of what currently holds your interest. Make it as concrete as possible and approach it with the intent of learning or surviving. After that you'll be educated on that specific thing; all the way down to its most minute details. That's what we Cree call "Pawaachikan." Literally "Vision Dreaming."

 

[MadGreenSon]

Try to keep your time in your car minimal

Click to shrink...

Oh I do. I'm sitting under a tree right now.

Keep your shit loose, let it breathe and most importantly - KEEP IT DRY! Like dude, it's gotta be stagnant wind with like 30+ weather and 100% humidity where you're at if you're sweating that fucking hard.

Click to shrink...

Yeah, I generally keep three shirts on tap to switch between. Also have a rag handy to mop up sweat with.

Here's a nugget of injun spiritual survival: get into a state of being half-awake and half-asleep, during the process - focus your mind and try to dream of what currently holds your interest. Make it as concrete as possible and approach it with the intent of learning or surviving. After that you'll be educated on that specific thing; all the way down to its most minute details. That's what we Cree call "Pawaachikan." Literally "Vision Dreaming."

Click to shrink...

That sounds really cool, Im going to try it. Might take some work to get there but it sounds like it's worth it

Here's a thought to put to the group; what should I do if/when a hurricane is rolling this way? The local homeless shelters are built like shit and tend to get torn up and/or flooded out when storms hit, so that's a miss.

Should I just leave town?


—————————
I'm currently homeless, sick and living in a car.
Contributions to my medicine/gas/food needs welcome here
Please help me I desperately need gas and food

 

[Arc-on-Fire]

That sounds really cool, Im going to try it. Might take some work to get there but it sounds like it's worth it

Click to shrink...

I should've mentioned this in my post but the thing is: is that in order to practice Pawaachikan properly, you need to fast and deprive yourself of any physical enjoyment and that includes internet and porn.

...Yeah, it's an ascetic thing.

Here's a thought to put to the group; what should I do if/when a hurricane is rolling this way?

Click to shrink...

As with any disaster preparedness. Start with your mindset on how you want to approach the situation and plan for it. After that, prepare in anyway that's within your power.

To quote: John "Lofty" Wiseman in the 3rd Edition of the SAS Survival Handbook -

SAFETY PRECAUTIONS

Get out of the hurricane's path if you can.

– Hurricane warnings are usually issued when one is expected within 24

hours and will give you plenty of time to evacuate its path, if you are prepared.

– Keep away from the coast, where destruction will be worst, with flooding and a tidal wave, and from river banks.

– Board up windows and secure any objects outdoors that might be blown away.

– At sea take down all canvas, batten down the hatches and stow all gear.

If you are in a solid building and on high ground STAY WHERE YOU ARE

—travel in a hurricane is extremely dangerous. The safest place is usually in a cellar or under the stairs. Store drinking water—water and power supplies may be cut off by the storm—and have a battery-operated radio to keep in touch with

any instructions issued. If not in a sturdy structure, evacuate to a hurricane shelter. Shut off power supplies before you leave.

Seeking shelter

Outdoors a cave will offer the best protection. A ditch will be next best. If unable to escape lie flat on the ground where you will be less of a target for flying debris. Crawl to the lee side of any really solid shelter such as a stable rocky outcrop or a wide belt of large trees. Beware of small trees and fences which could be uprooted.

---

SURVIVAL ADVICE

Stay where you are when the hurricane appears to have passed—there will usually be less than an hour of calm as the eye passes and then the winds will resume in the opposite direction. If sheltering outdoors move to the other side of your windbreak in preparation or move to better shelter if close by.

Click to shrink...

The local homeless shelters are built like shit and tend to get torn up and/or flooded out when storms hit, so that's a miss.

Click to shrink...

I don't think there's any urban building in the world outside of actual disaster shelters that can withstand a hurricane. In the event that one does end up coming through/close to town. Refer to your local resources. With all that said: does the area your in suffer heavily when a storm like that passes through?

Should I just leave town?

Click to shrink...

If you have an actual plan of where you want to go and do when you get there, and have the resources to make the trip? Absolutely.

If you are wanting to leave because you feel like it... uh, no. Stay where you are.

 

[MadGreenSon]

I should've mentioned this in my post but the thing is: is that in order to practice Pawaachikan properly, you need to fast and deprive yourself of any physical enjoyment and that includes internet and porn.

...Yeah, it's an ascetic thing.

Click to shrink...

Ouch. Fasting is no problem, I do that all the time anyway, but no internet?

Fuck.

I'll be trying it anyway, but that's a harsh condition.

Would it help if I'm physically miserable all the time anyway?

I don't think there's any urban building in the world outside of actual disaster shelters that can withstand a hurricane. In the event that one does end up coming through/close to town. Refer to your local resources. With all that said: does the area your in suffer heavily when a storm like that passes through?

Click to shrink...

Pensacola has been hit by a good few hurricanes and plenty of buildings do okay.

The shelters are major cheap shit though, so they often have issues with thunderstorms, much less hurricanes

If you have an actual plan of where you want to go and do when you get there, and have the resources to make the trip? Absolutely.

If you are wanting to leave because you feel like it... uh, no. Stay where you are.

Click to shrink...

I was more talking about driving 20-30 miles north and chilling during a hurricane, not moving entirely.



—————————
I'm currently homeless, sick and living in a car.
Contributions to my medicine/gas/food needs welcome here
Please help me I desperately need gas and food

 

[Dream water void and sky]

Can we consider diving into the Internet as torture? After all, what else is giving up all the joys of the world in order to choke on junk content, destroying serotonin systems and the ability to feel happiness?

I think not, because the idea of giving up joys is detoxification, not poisoning - but if a person just wants to suffer, the Internet is a very multifunctional tool for that.

 

[Arc-on-Fire]

Ouch. Fasting is no problem, I do that all the time anyway, but no internet?

Fuck.

I'll be trying it anyway, but that's a harsh condition.

Would it help if I'm physically miserable all the time anyway?

Click to shrink...

Well, the ascetic part isn't about cultivating virtuousness and learning to be grateful for what you have. It's more about - actually... the thing about pawaachikan is that it's both an initiation and a path into learning Mitewiwin. And unlike my tribe's Anishinaabe siblings to the south with their Midewiwin, there is no grand lodge for us. No church, community, school, anything like that. It's a teacher and apprentice sort of situation in that regard, IF something like that ever happened. (And the reason for that is because of all the Mitew, back then, slaughtered each other, lusting for greater enlightenment and power. After a while, the wisest of these surviving Mitew realized that: with all of them dead, their knowledge would be forgotten and a dark age of suffering would pass onto the people because of it. On that day they passed down an unwritten law, in that no more than two could be in any given area with four being the absolute limit.)

At the end of the day: Pawaachikan and by extension Mitewiwin, is all about survival and individuality. It is the other half of yourself that your senses cannot comprehend.

But on that note! Try it out anyway, it's all based on yourself anyway. I'm sure you'll learn a few things. Just look at how it worked out for Dmitri Mendeleev, August Kekulé, and Srinivasa Ramanujan

Pensacola has been hit by a good few hurricanes and plenty of buildings do okay.

The shelters are major cheap shit though, so they often have issues with thunderstorms, much less hurricanes

Click to shrink...

Well in that event that hurricane does pass through, I'm sure there's a law that states that anyone exposed to the storm without proper shelter must be housed/protected until relief and aid comes. On the shelters, dude. They either gotta be dilapitated as shit with a tin-roof poked full of holes if they're that fucking poor at keeping the weather out. Is it a Tent-City/Skidrow situation?

I was more talking about driving 20-30 miles north and chilling during a hurricane, not moving entirely.

Click to shrink...

Just make sure it's an area that you can sustain yourself in and quickly evacuate if it comes over there.

 

[evildice]

After a while, the wisest of these surviving Mitew realized that: with all of them dead, their knowledge would be forgotten and a dark age of suffering would pass onto the people because of it. On that day they passed down an unwritten law, in that no more than two could be in any given area

Click to shrink...

Are you a Sith?

Because that totally sounds like something George Lucas would write.

(Or did Lucas rip off your tribe? Er I mean "discover" your tribal history, to use the more popular term.)

 

[Arc-on-Fire]

Are you a Sith?

Because that totally sounds like something George Lucas would write.

(Or did Lucas rip off your tribe? Er I mean "discover" your tribal history, to use the more popular term.)

Click to shrink...

HAH! IT DOES SOUND LIKE DARTH BANE'S RULE OF TWO WHAT THE FUCK!

Anyway. I don't know, maybe. George Lucas did study anthropology but then again the concept of enlightened people keeping their knowledge of the world occult is nothing new in cultures across the world.

 

[evildice]

HAH! IT DOES SOUND LIKE DARTH BANE'S RULE OF TWO WHAT THE FUCK!

Click to shrink...

Yeah and the "up to four but not for long" is like the prequels with Dooku, Bane, Sidious, and Anikin.

Anyway. I don't know, maybe. George Lucas did study anthropology but then again the concept of enlightened people keeping their knowledge of the world occult is nothing new in cultures across the world.

Click to shrink...

Very true.

I read a good historical anthropology book recently ("The Dawn of Everything" by David Graeber and David Wengrow) which talked about the three forms of governing power throughout different historical societies.
- Secret knowledge.
- Control of violence.
- Charismatic individuals.

The ancient Babelonians were about secret knowledge and denied charismatic individuals by passing rules through committees, while their neighboring hero-kings were deliberately illiterate charismatic individuals who denied the importance of secret knowledge.

Apparently many societies developed in opposition to each other -- each culture's identity was a rejection of their neighbor's identity -- and the authors named this process "schismogenesis".

Fascinating book, highly recommend.

 

[MadGreenSon]

Me and a fellow homeless car living fella, Larry (if anyone is interested I can fill y'all in on him he's interesting) were splitting a 3$ Circle K Meal Deal and commiserating on how much it sucks to involuntarily fast when he paused over his half of the Philly cheese sausage with onions, relish, and brown mustard and looked over at me.

"MadGreenSon, you're pretty well spoken and shit, why don't you do food reviews? Get people online to buy a meal and your crazy looking ass makes a video reviewing it."

To which I said:

"Yeah, that sounds like fun, but the only video camera I've got is an out of date iPhone and that just ain't gonna cut it."

Then the two of us got distracted by some extremely hot and fit soccer moms leaving the gym and after that ended up talking about the last time each of us had a steak.

Then we used his phone to watch Guga cook A5 Wagyu steaks on YouTube and cry into our nonexistent beers about how much we want steak


—————————
I'm currently homeless, sick and living in a car.
Contributions to my medicine/gas/food needs welcome here
Please help me I desperately need gas and food

 

[MadGreenSon]

I am a big fan of Circle K.

Not so much for anything they sell, though the three dollar hot dog meal is pretty tight, but for the stuff you get free with a purchase. Like the hot dog boats, plastic forks, spoons, and knives, and the crushed red pepper.

The crushed red pepper is vital.

I've picked up a few ramen packs and if I limit it to one a day I got a least something to ameliorate hunger pangs til Tuesday.
Thing is, instant noodles are crappy and kind of depressing to eat. Having crushed red pepper in there gives it a little kick, livens it up.
Put noodles, water, flavor pack, and a couple packs of red pepper into my little metal pot, secure the lid, and leave it in the noonish sun for an hour or two before stirring it all up real good and it's… decent.
The minor hit of endorphins from the spicyness puts a bit of pep in my step



—————————
I'm currently homeless, sick and living in a car.
Contributions to my medicine/gas/food needs welcome here
Please help me I desperately need gas and food, especially food, oh God do I want a decent meal

 

[MadGreenSon]

Got rousted by the cops. This is why gas doesn't last super long, I have to keep moving around to avoid getting the cops called
At least they didn't arrest me, just looked at me like they wanted to scrape me off their boots and told me to go.

God Im so upset that I feel sick.


—————————
I'm currently homeless, sick and living in a car.
Contributions to my medicine/gas/food needs welcome here
Please help me I desperately need gas and food, especially food, oh God do I want a decent meal

 

[Arc-on-Fire]

I want to back in time and the beat the shit out of my younger 8-10 year old self for refusing to learn Spanish.

Click to shrink...

Mmm... quite nothing like having violent fantasies of brutalizing a younger version of yourself for wanting to keep on playing on the rug instead of cracking open dusty lexicons and grammars about Spanish and talking to your older chili-oil smelling auntie and beer-gut hanging uncle for the rest of the afternoon is there? That's sarcasm by the way. At the end of day: bellyaching about not "wanting" to learn about Spanish when you a child is just a waste of time and frankly absurd. It makes you feel like shit and wastes your time. You wanna learn Spanish? Take a half hour of free-time from your day and study the basics. And don't give me that nonsense about "not having the time" either. There are over 168 hours in a week, this is objectively true for every human being on Earth. Make the time.

I don't care if that when I was diagnosed with AuDHD, that's what I deserve.

Click to shrink...

There are people I know that have Aspergers and ADHD. And fuck, are they some of the greatest hunters and task managers I've ever seen. So no, contrary to what the fake scathing crowds you have set up in your head to terrify your muscles whenever you pace around in your room. No that's not what "you deserve."

No one has ever felt like that toward you before.

I'm a useless waste of space anyway.

Click to shrink...

"[..] and your worst sin is that you have destroyed and betrayed yourself for nothing. Isn't that fearful? Isn't it fearful that you are living in this filth which you loathe so, and at the same time you know yourself (you've only to open your eyes) that you are not helping anyone by it, not saving anyone from anything? Tell me," he went on almost in a frenzy, "how this shame and degradation can exist in you side by side with other, opposite, holy feelings?"

-Fyodor Dostoevsky, Crime and Punishment.


Brother, your overthinking isn't a valid opinion and neither is the fear buried in your central nervous system that lights up like a tree every time someone replies to you with an honest opinion on what you are posting about. There is no penance or moral satisfaction in your self-destruction.

For some actual advice: create a workspace you feel is valid for learning Spanish. Use the Pomodoro Method to get acclimated to work and study flow and start consuming Spanish media and speaking to anyone that knows the language. If you are consistent. you'll be speaking quite fluently by the end of spring next year.

 

[Daytripper]

I'm sorry.

 

[MadGreenSon]

Burning gas to avoid being rousted again, so that's gonna be a pain.
Spent everything on gas a couple days ago.
Hungry all the time now. A pack of ramen a day ain't cutting it.
More than that, I'm just so angry.
So fucking angry that it gives me chest pains. Getting sent on by the cops just kicked me over the edge because it doesn't completely go away and…
Goddamnit I'd kill to just have a little dignity. To be able to sit at a table and eat a real meal. To not be looked at like I'd done something wrong.
I was dry heaving from anger earlier this morning. Dry heaving because there's nothing in my stomach.
Plus, all the driving to find someplace free from cops is burning up my gas

Well, I have hunted up a bunch of cigar and cigarette butts. Easier than finding food. Gonna see if smoking will full the pain for awhile


—————————
I'm currently homeless, sick and living in a car.
Contributions to my medicine/gas/food needs welcome here
Please help me I desperately need gas and food, especially food, oh God do I want a decent meal

 

[Treble]

You know, one should really try to avoid mystery stories if they're already experienced with mystery novels.

I skipped most of Extra, barely watched half of Unlimited, and started Alternative with only the barest essentials.....and I already know the truth.

Tbf, it's not that hard. They may not have Girl General levels of heavy handed foreshadowing where the author might as well be elbowing you in the ribs, but they're still a little too clever for their own good.

Kasumi....I tell you! And making her a Rei clone! As if any Eva fan doesn't know what that means!

 

[MadGreenSon]

So… I have some Zig Zag blunt wraps because crazy homeless people and I decided to use one with all the discarded cigarette and cigar butts I've gathered. Broke most of them up and stuffed the thing.
Smoked about half of this trash cigar before the head rush and nausea compelled me to put it out.
Once the head rush cleared I wasn't feeling hungry anymore, so success?

Honestly, I'd have preferred an actual meal.


—————————
I'm currently homeless, sick and living in a car.
Contributions to my medicine/gas/food needs welcome here
Please help me I desperately need gas and food, especially food even just ten bucks would do a world of good