Happy Horrogan's Terror Imporium and Family Funtime Motel. [Original Open Writing Project]

[TripleMRed]

Yelp Review for : Happy Horrorgan's Terror Imperium and Family Funtime Motel.


I know we've all heard the stories of 'Happy Horrorgan's', however I had little choice but to stay in one of their motels after I suffered an engine failure on my way by one. To start off, I am displeased to confirm that the rumors are true and that Happy Horrorgan's is home to a Menagerie of Ghosts, Goblins, Ghouls, and worst of all, Telemarketers. The first night while I waited for my car to be fixed they gave me a complementary scare when I opened the door to the closet, only to find a portal to the netherworld beckoning me to enter. Knowing this would doom the remainder of my stay to the Torment Nexus, I wisely decided to ignore the disembodied voices of my loved ones calling me into it and closed the closet door, deciding to just keep my clothes in my luggage. The attempt at a bath was ruined when the faucet began to spill out fresh blood, and I had to endure the boiling shower to get clean for the night.

My second day of the stay was little better: I was nearly strangled to death by a rogue noose, almost fell victim to a nearby pack of Werewolves, and was forced to sit through a three hour Telemarkethon on pain of losing my eternal soul to the marketing demons. I tried to eat from the complementary bed and breakfast made available, but had to subsist on a diet of stale bagels and potentially expired creamed of cheese [note, not cream cheese, the product was labeled 'Creamed of Cheese'. What does that even mean?] as I could not bare the thought of having to eat the remains of my family, who were still on the other side of the country so I didn't want to risk finding out what their doubles were made of or who they were made from.

The third day of my stay was the best, as I got a complementary stay at the spa where the local message chair revealed itself to be a mad scientists former experiment, whereupon it removed my spine and replaced it and three quarters of my skeletal system with a reinforced carbide polymer that was a quarter of the weight and three times as strong as normal bones. So, you know, got to take what wins you can get.

Finally, on the day my car was fixed, the motel's staff tearfully gave me a goodbye party by imploding the motel, disappearing it and all souls within to the next sphere of existence. I would leave a lower rating, but they left a single mint chocolate in my car as a goodbye gift, so that bumped it up a few points.

Final rating: 3/5, it was [not] okay.


----

(Howdy, all! My name is TripleMRed, and to kick off the upcoming Halloween this year, I'm opening this thread to be an open house world building project.

The project will revolve around the titular franchise of motels, liminal places where the supernatural world and mundane world collide in a wellspring of dark comedy. Anyone interested in contributing can feel free to do so as long as a few rules are followed.

The main entries of the project will be divided between 'Reviews', 'Stories', and 'Reports'. Reviews, like this one up above to get us started, are as they say: In universe reviews written by either normal people [like this first one] or by liminal beings as they share their experiences with the motel and the insanity within. Whether they enjoyed their time, hated it, or anything in between, feel free to make it however you want as long as it follows a review format.

The next one, stories, are short stories and the like involving POV experiences with the franchise and its nightmarish whimsy 'on the ground'. Whether the characters are normal, liminal, employee or attendee, it's all up to you!

Finally, reports are 'official' files written by government bodies in regards to 'incidents' at any of these locations. The fun part is, like the previous mentioned types for the world building project, a report can be written in the style of normal human agents, or from the perspective of whatever governmental bodies exist in the paranormal world as they handle incidents from their perspectives.

This project is one I won't personally be filling out a lot, aside from the occasional canonical entry to set the tone, but I will be keeping an eye on the project to give it some level of moderation so that the basic rules are being followed to make a given story canonical.

One more thing: The 'rules' of this world will be fleshed out as we build it up through new entries and flesh out the world, but some ground rules are to be set so we are all on the same page on what is and isn't allowed within the premises of Happy Horrorgans:

Rule 1: Attendees of a Happy Horrorgan location cannot die. Those that suffer horrific injury as a guest will wake up in their rooms, whole and healthy, usually with some kind of complementary 'apology' gift from the franchise for the trouble, though whether the gift is actually safe or pleasant by human standards is up for you to decide! Note, this only covers death: Unwitting getting into a Contract with a supernatural entity is still fair game.

Rule 2: Just as Rule 1 implies, only Attendees are truly safe on the premises. Anyone, whether human or liminal, who is in the area but not a Guest will be free game to be hurt and die for real, so feel free to use that as you see fit.

Rule 3: Many, but not all, normal people have heard of Happy Horrogans, but evidence supporting its existence is limited due to the supernatural elements messing up any attempts to record it, with only reviews and the rare recovered government recording making it out unaltered. Feel free to get creative with some of the ways evidence is tampered with, if you so desire to get something like that involved!

Rule 4: While many of the liminal creatures at Happy Horrogan's are, indeed, dangerous to humans, most are not intentionally dangerous. As such, aside from the actively malevolent forces like the Telemarketers and the like, if a liminal is being dangerous to a human, have it be because their instincts or the nature of their existence is what's causing the problem. After all, most of them staying here are guests, same as the humans, and from their perspectives they are the normal ones. And normal people don't go staying at motels to cause trouble or hurt others, now do they?

Rule 5: Lastly, while not completely set in stone, the premise of setting is horror-comedy rather than pure horror like other supernatural world building projects. While there will naturally be some stories that can, and should feel free to, go into full horror territory, the situation of most should have an air of dark-humor to it all as a result of the supernatural horrific elements melding with the sheer mundanity the 'locals' treat the place and each other for some fun. If you want to have some unironic wholesomeness too, don't be afraid to do so!

That's about all I'll do for setting the stage for this littler world building project I'm opening up for a free for all, so anyone interested, please remember to be respectful to one another's work, follow the basic rules and outlines above to be officially inundated into 'canon', and most of all, have fun!)

 

[TripleMRed]

It was supposed to be so simple: Book the tickets, go to the hotel, enjoy the mountains with your pals, getting as far away from the office as possible. So, so simple.

Unfortunately, Jerry had made one small, fatal mistake.

"Yes, I know how to book tickets through the website!" Jerry hissed into the phone as he and his friend Mordecai drove down the empty road.

"I told you to double-check." Mordecai said, voice an almost monotonous calm, his stoicism never seeming to waver.

For his part, Jerry just shot a look at his friend. Out of their office clothes, Mordecai's muscular meat slab of a frame barely fit into his car, his sun-baked dark skin covered in a black band T-Shirt in a language Jerry couldn't even begin to guess at and a clashing pair of khaki pants. His clean-shaven, chiseled, sun-glasses wearing face seemingly as immutable as his emotions, hair an unusually blonde color for those with his natural skin tone. Jerry was sure it was dyed, but if it was Mordecai was thorough to the point where even the roots were lightly colored.

Compared to the mountain that was his friend, Jerry was decidedly shorter and, while not fat, distinctly rounder than Mordecai, a more naturally built frame from his previous work at the carpentry shop that never went away even when he traded in for a calculator. His skin was a lighter, though tanned, complexion, and his red hair and mustache, as well as green eyes gave away his Irish ancestry. His own clothes were a pair of blue jeans, with a white shirt and 'classic' flannel shirt made the ex-carpenter look more like a lumberjack than anything else.

"I told you, I did!" Jerry said defensively before returning to the phone. "Yes, I'm still here…..Okay, so the system says I booked it at the right mountain! So why is it also saying I booked it at 'Happy Horrorgans'?" At hearing the name, Mordecai seemed to tense up, but otherwise said nothing. "No, that isn't it! Our's is 'Happy Harrigan'! I…..Alright….Alright, we can do that. Thanks." Jerry sighed as he turned off his phone.

"What'd they say?" Mordecai asked.

"They say they can refund us a night's stay at this place but can't switch, and that we can go to our real one tomorrow." Jerry groused, folding his arms over his chest as he looked out the window, alpine trees flashing by in a seemingly endless expanse of nature. "But they also said we couldn't switch the booking for today. So for tonight, we stay at this 'Happy Horrorgan's' or whatever it's called."

"Oh," Mordecai uttered. "Joy." Jerry shot him a look, brow raised. "Tell the others we'll see them tomorrow."

"On it." Jerry said as he started looking up on his phone the group chat they had all planned this trip on before pausing. "You know about this place?" He asked, curious.

"Had to stay in one for 3 nights while my car was being fixed," Mordecai said. "It was…." he paused as he tried to find the right words for it. "It'll be easier to see for yourself. Just follow my lead, don't go off on your own, and we'll make it out tomorrow just fine."

Jerry's look of curiosity morphed into a frown as he found himself shifting uncomfortably in his seat.

"What, uh," he began, licking his lips. "What do you mean by that, man?"

"You'll see." Mordecai said, cryptic words just confusing Jerry even further.

----

"…..What the fuck?" Jerry uttered. No sooner had Mordecai's car stopped in front of their destination, they hadn't even finished stepping out of their vehicle when Jerry caught sight of what turned out to be more of a motel than a hotel.

More specifically, the hung man with a bag covering his head swinging in the wind just outside of the entrance to 'Happy Horrorgan's Terror Imperium and Family Funtime Motel.'

"Dude, I didn't know this was going to be a themed place." Jerry said as he cocked his head trying to get a good look at the hung body up above. "The props here look so real!"

"Right." Mordecai let out an uncharacteristic snort. "'Props'. Here," he handed Jerry his suitcase as he rolled own, marching towards the front office. "Hey man, how's it hangin'?" He asked the hung body, much to Jerry's amusement.

And then the body turned its head to look down at Mordecai as he passed by.

"Eh, pay could be better." A man's raspy, strained voice managed to choke out from the bagged head of the body.

"Preaching to the choir." Mordecai shot back as he casually kept moving forward without missing a beat. Jerry froze in place, just staring at what had happened with his smile plastered unto his face as he tried to process what just happened. The body's head turned to look at him now.

"Hey buddy, the strip club's 12 miles that way." He said, flopping an arm in the direction of one of the roads.

"Jerry, don't be rude, get moving." Mordecai called out to him. Face still frozen in a now forced smile, a cold sweat running down his face, Jerry sped walk past the body towards the entrance where his friend waited for him. Mordecai, unperturbed in the slightest, simply opened the door to the lobby and walked in.

Like the outside aside from the body and bright orange name-sign, the interior was mundane for what it was selling itself as, the floor a black and white checkerboard tile pattern while the walls were brown hues more at home in the 70's than a modern-day motel. In front of them was the main desk, where the only other living soul in the room was besides them. Key words: Living. Seated at a coffee table reading a tabloid newspaper was a skeleton. At first, Jerry thought it was another prop until it shifted in place in an all too human way and flipped a page. Mordecai caught Jerry staring and gently grabbed him on the shoulder before guiding him towards the desk.

Forcing himself to tear his eyes off the skeleton, Jerry's eyes fell upon the only other living person in the room, a beautiful, smiling, friendly looking woman with green eyes and black hair, dressed in form fitting bellhop attire. Jerry liked to consider himself a guy with some moral standards, so he made an effort not to drift his eyes over her aesthetically pleasing appearance.

Which was easy to do considering the much more distressing thing was that aside from her green eyes, the woman seemed to be monochrome and covered in a small aura of bopping, hissing TV film-grain. Now that he was closer to her, Jerry realized that her beauty was otherworldly. As in, he couldn't put it into words because the little details seemed to be constantly changing whenever he tried to focus on any one thing, so he decided to just settle his vision on the film-aura instead.

"Nice to see you again, Mister Mordecai." The woman said, her voice was coming out as though through an old radio, which just added to her ethereal nature.

"Hello, Ann." Mordecai said, completely unphased by any of the oddities they had seen. "I think you already know our deal."

"Of course! One night's stay, if I'm correct." Jerry's head turned to Mordecai so fast he almost gave himself whiplash.

"How'd she know that, we just got here? Did the other guys call ahead about the rebooking?" For her part, the woman seemed amused by his outburst more than anything.

"Who's your friend?" She asked as she took out a pair of room keys for the two of them.

"He's new to this." Mordecai deflected as he nonchalantly took the keys. He paused as he looked 'Ann' in the eye. "Are there any Telemarketers here?" He asked, neutral tone taking on a heavy edge Jerry couldn't quite place.

"None at this establishment." She admitted. "We do, however, have a Lawyer staying near your room."

"Thanks for the warning." Mordecai said, frowning as he grabbed Jerry by the hand and led him out. "Say bye, Jerry."

"Bye, Jerry." Ann cheerfully piped up as she waved them out, to which Mordecai made no attempt to correct as he dragged his dumbstruck friend to their room.

----

Jerry sat stock still at the edge of his bed, his suitcase next to him, still closed. Mordecai, meanwhile, was already setting aside his sleep ware on his bed for when it was time to sleep, despite it only being 2 P.M.

A heavy silence weighed upon the both of them, only broken up by the sounds of Mordecai sifting through his things. Waiting to work up the courage to say something first, Jerry looked around the room to try and find something to get his mind off of everything. The tan carpet floor was clean, the beds freshly pressed and the walls a cheerful yellow and red stripe color-scheme with a framed picture of a kitten clashing horribly with what he had seen until now.

There was a still closed closet, a nightstand between the two beds, a small hallway that led to the bathroom, and moderately sized drawer with a TV sat atop it. The silence continued for a minute longer before Mordecai finally spoke up.

"So," he said. "How're you holding on?" Jerry turned his head to look at his friend, took in a breath, before finally finding the words he had been looking for.

"Mordy." Jerry began.

"Jerry."

"I have a few questions."

"Shoot."

"Namely, WHAT, and, THE FUCK!?" Mordecai shot his friend a look.

"Keep it down, man." He said to Jerry. "We don't want to disturb our neighbors."

"'Disturb our neighbors!?'" Jerry continued to yell, standing up incredulously. "Mordy, there was a hung guy outside-an actual Goddamn body-and he was talking! There was a living skeleton and woman who looked like a living TV glitch! And you're worried I'll disturb the neighbors!?" Mordecai took in a breath before calmly turning his attention to Jerry.

"Yes, Jerry, I am worried. Because we do not want to be rude, not here, not with these people."

"People-"

"Yes, Jerry," Mordecai interrupted his friend before he could get going. "People. Very strange, very odd people who are not a problem unless you give them a reason to be a problem."

"What do you even mean by that!?" Jerry asked, marching back and forth as his hands waved about while he spoke. "What, are there freaking monsters that are right next door that would eat out faces or something?"

"I was almost eaten by werewolves the last time I was in one of these places, so yes." Mordecai answered matter-o-factually. Jerry had to stop and gape slack jawed at his friend.

"What!?" Jerry shouted. Mordecai was frowning now as he raised his hands to motion for Jerry to lower his voice.

"Jerry, please-" he began before being cut off.

"Dude, you knew what was coming and you still let us stay here?!" Jerry asked in exasperation, fingers running through his ginger hair. "Why!?"

"Because I've been to one of these before, I know how to keep us safe." Mordecai proclaimed. "Besides, the most dangerous thing last time were the Telemarketers, and since we don't have any here we'll be much safer-"

"Do you hear yourself!? How the hell are telemarketers the most dangerous thing!?"

"They have infinite power in liminal places like this," Mordecai answered. "It was either listen to their marketing or forfeit my soul." Jerry was gawking at his friend now.

"I….I don't…" Jerry sputtered before he rubbed his face with his hands. "Okay, okay, fine, shit's weird around here and what is normal is now the peak of danger. Whatever. But dude, I don't know if you noticed, but not everyone is a Middle-Eastern meat-slab who can punch out werewolves!" Jerry motioned to himself. "Look at me, I'm like a foot and several hundred pounds of muscle smaller than you, what am I going to do when Frakenstein's monster shows up to snap me like a slim-jim!?"

"I keep telling you, but you're not listening." Mordecai said. "I know what to do, just follow my lead and we'll be fine."

"What about this is 'fine'!?" Jerry shouted. No sooner did Jerry exclaim that did a heavy knock begin to slam against their door. Jerry almost jumped out of his skin while Mordecai sighed as he marched towards the door.

"I tried to warn you, man." Mordecai said. "I'll handle this."

"What-No, Mordy wait!" Jerry tried to stop his friend but it was too late. He opened the door, and standing on the other side was a seemingly normal middle aged Caucasian man in a full business suit and a briefcase. At a glance, Jerry almost felt a sense of relief at the sight of another normal person.

And then he saw the man's face.

It was like a parody of a human smile, the skin stretched in such a way that the folds erased any discernible individual features and left something closer to a plastic Halloween mask than an actual face of flesh and bone.

"Why howdy, neighbors," he said in a cheerful southern twang. "Gosh, I heard a rowdy commotion over here." The man, if that was what was in front of them, barely moved his close lipped smile as he spoke, which only raised further questions. "Ya'll alright?"

"We're fine," Mordecai answered simply. "Just having an argument about sleeping arrangements." Jerry tore his wide eyes off of the well dressed maybe-person to look at his friend. Technically the truth, if a stretch. The man, eyes hidden by the skin folds of the impossible smile, turned his attention to Jerry.

"That true, young man?" He asked, voice never once changing in tone or volume. "Ya know, Ah'm somethin' of an attorney," he chuckled. "Iffin' ya need legal aid for anythin', Ah'm right here."

"No, no, I'm uh….I'm good." Jerry said, licking his suddenly dry lips. "We were just arguing like he said, nothing serious." The man kept staring for a second longer, Jerry swearing he saw a gleam from the narrowed eye lids before the man turned his attention back to Mordecai.

"Well alrighty then! Holler if'n ya need anything!" With that, the man turned around and walked out of sight back to his room as Mordecai slowly, calmly closed the door. As soon as it was shut, he took in a breath and let it out.

"How are you so calm." Jerry asked as he kept staring at the now closed door. Mordecai stood up straight, turned and walked over to Jerry before leaning forward so that their faces were at eye level with one another.

"The secret is, Jerry," Mordecai reached up and removed his sunglasses, revealing his amber eyes were as wide and as panicked as Jerry's own. "I'm always five seconds from freaking the fuck out, but my survival instinct is stronger." Jerry gulped before walking backwards, pressing his back against the wall and sliding down to his knees. Mordecai sat down beside him, resting his head against the wall.

"We can't just go sleep in the car somewhere else?" Jerry asked.

"We lost that chance after you accidentally booked a stay here and they refused to exchange today for our real hotel." Mordecai sighed. "They are very serious about not staying when you book a place with them."

"Oh." Was all Jerry could say.

"It's not your fault, man, but we're here now, so just follow my lead and we'll make it through the day no problem." Mordecai said. He turned his head to look at his friend. "We can sleep soundly at night, and first thing in the morning we leave and meet up with the others."

"Yeah." Jerry nodded. "Yeah, I can bare it for one day."

"Don't worry man, I'll get us out of here," Mordecai said as he offered his fist. "Like I keep telling you, follow my lead and we'll get out no problem." Jerry looked at him before nodding and bumping his friend's fist.

"One day. How bad can it be?" Jerry asked. Mordecai instinctively winced at his friend's temptation of fate when the intercoms came on and Ann's voice came over it. The pair turned their heads to listen closely.

"Attention all attendees, we are happy to announce that today is now Weekday! The space time continuum around the premises of the motel will now extend today's remaining 10 hours to a full week's time! Be sure to enjoy all our provided activities, complementary for all staying!"

Jerry looked at Mordecai. Mordecai looked at Jerry.

"GOD. DAMMIT!!!"