Nasuquest(Shirou)

[Galeiam]

Okay because I was originally writing this on ff.net then i realized it was shaping up to much like a quest i've decided to post it here..hopefully it goes well.

And yes I'm aware of the semantics of Nine Lives Blade Works and the Axe sword

Then let it break, if it shatters to pieces then forge an even better blade to take in hand. Should that blade crack then forge once again, until the battlefield is a graveyard of blades that have fallen and but a single sword claims the field that embodies the world. Let that sword bear the world until its time comes and time blows its dust to the winds. Then forge again.---Eric Dagger

Shirou POV

As I hold Nine Lives in my "hands" Arc-no EMIYA once more taunts me with words of the dead King "With swords that aren't yours, with skills that aren't yours, for dreams that aren't yours. Your entire existence is a lie!" At this moment I Know the Truth. This being in front of me isn't a version of myself from the future. For one such as I who has embraced the path of a hero nothing so small as years of misfortune, loneliness, and killing would turn me from my path. Nothing would make me give up even if I have to cross a thousand battlefields. Even if I have Give up all my companions. Even, even if I have to give up Sakura. Nothing will change my path from one of "Gae Bolg"...thoughts were abruptly cut off as blinding pain once more pierces my chest and I look down to see the cursed barbed spear entering me. As my vision fades I see that asshole smirking at me before. Darkness....

Consciousness comes to me in a flash tearing me from the arms of Rin and Saber. Wait. Rin and Saber? Where is Archer...Gae Bolg? And why the hell am I NAKED IN A SHACK WITH RIN AND Saber!!! The last part I yell out rousing Rin and Saber from their slumber, Rin looking less zombie-like than usual and Saber looking wary and...shy, even more than my forceful awakening. As I look around in panic at my surroundings, while Trying to avoid looking at their naked bodies, close to hyperventilating Rin is the first to speak "Ah good Shirou you awoke us. How embarrasing to fall asleep from a simple prana exchange" she winces a bit at that last part then looks more closely at me "Ney Shirou what's wrong?! Do you hear Beserker coming closer?" her words help me to force myself calm enough to reply "No why would he be here?"

Rin POV

Alarms start ringing in my head at this point. Was there a problem during the exchange? At my side I notice Saber beginning to tense further proving that something is Wrong. "Shirou? Are you okay? Do you know where we are?" He tenses slightly at my words and I notice him once more rapidly checking the room as if frightened and ready to run.

Saber POV

At His first words I knew something was wrong. Before that even. The moment I felt consciousness return I felt something from my small bond with him that this was Shirou yet...Not My Shirou. As I studied his form my eyes were drawn to his left arm......

Omni POV

Suddenly Saber bursts into action, her armored form showing that the exchange was succesful, frowning visage with hands swinging the wind shrouded sword at Shirou as Rin watches barely registering the movements happening at this speed. Closer the sword comes to his left side, his eyes widen as they noticed movement from her right arm moving instinctively to cover his face. Far too slow. Left Arm raised. His eyes are closing, causing Saber's frown to intensify. The blade comes closer. His eyes are closed now, waiting for that moment of pain to come.

Shirou POV

CLANG!!!

I open my eyes in surprised seeing Nine Lives traced in front of me instinctively blocking Sabers strike, my body already beginning the process of reinforcement. Even more surprising is the look in Sabers eyes. A look full of longing, sadness, and regret. It is this look that keeps me from starting the Nine Live Blade Works, instead causing my eyes to widen and look away sheepishly " Um Saber mind telling me why you're attacking me...and naked."

Off to the side Rin face palms

"Okay so maybe he isn't totally lost."

I blink and sheepishly rub the back of my head with the hand not otherwise engaged with Saber(who seems a little put out at the moment)"Not that I'm totally against the idea but seriously...why are you both naked?" with a scoff Rin replies" Why else would us three be sleeping naked together" "Us...three?" With dawning horror I look down before hastily covering what I can with my hand(huh Saber is looking really pissed right now) and begin to ask again when Saber quickly interrupts "N-Never mind that!! Now tell me, who are you and what have you done with Shirou?!" "But!" "Silence!! I'll have none of your lies imposter!" Saber's cute yet angry rebuke cuts me off barely starting my defense. Realizing that there is no way out of this without using Shooting Hundred Heads or one of my more "esoteric" abilities on Saber and risk injuring Rin I decide to stay silent and wait for Saber to gather her-

Again my thoughts are interrupted, this time by a distant explosion and a surge of white light streaming through the windows. As Saber slightly releases her guard I notice Rin is clutching her hand. Her hand...oh shit oh shit oh shit her Command Sigils are fading but Saber is here and fine but that means. Both Rin and Saber look startled at the sudden change in my expression as I glance down at my hand. For sitting there are two faintly glowing Command Sigils. My Mind starts going numb. My Body slowing down and even my reinforcement fades away. All my thoughts focused on trying to figure out h-"Well damn it...interrupted once again..." It seems that though Saber's guard was lowered her resistance to my blade never fell. My last thought this time involve watch Rin stare at Saber In horror before she searches in vain for a gem to heal me.

Sometime Later

"...that anyone who witnesses these fights must be- hey kid are you listening to me" 'Hmm it seems like it happened again' you think to yourself absently as you Trace out Nine Lives"Hey kid whats that-" ' Finally my turn to cut someone off' snickers follow as your circuits cool from the use of Blade Works. Soon the snicker devolve into mad laughter as you realize what is going on. Just like in one of Taiga's trashy novels you seem to be in some kind of dimension hopping saga. "Oh damn the freaking Root that sounds ridiculous even when I'm going through it. Ugh this sounds like the plot of some old German dude with too much time on his hands."Somewhere in the Johto Region a Certain Wizard Marshall sneezes.

What now?

]Try the Summoning ritual again

]Scout out the area

]Stand here panicking

]Write in

AN: AN I'm still trying to get a good POV to use dialogue breaks fill free to criticizeand give me and corrections your spot.

 

[Silversun17]

the writing feels clumsy and disjointed. I would suggest that you get a beta or ask one of the more experanced GMs here to act as a mentor.

 

[Galeiam]

The disjointed part is intentional for now until things start to settle down, but otherwise let feel free to tell me any thought you have on it.

 

[megrisvernin]

The disjointed part is intentional for now until things start to settle down, but otherwise let feel free to tell me any thought you have on it.

Click to shrink...

It's clunky, and includes element of a Script fic with its POV shifts but somehow is even less unwieldly then they tend to be.

 

[ReinZero]

First Person PoV seems/sounds a bit disjointed in general due to the very briefness of them all.

And the disjointed part doesn't flow very naturally, thus being rather unwieldy like megrisvernin says.

Narrating sound effects/etc. does not help matters I think, especially with the flow. I would suggest using some way to ID the sfx/etc. as not being part of internal narration but rather what's 'going on' instead.