Random Ideas NooneImportant cares about.

[NooneImportant]

Izuku had to think of something, fast. The jeers were starting to get to him.

"Deku! Deku! Useless with no quirk! Deku!"

The doctor said he couldn't be a hero without a quirk, and the other in the kindergarten are even harsher in their judgement.
He had to think of something, fast. So Izuku closed his eyes to try and think of something unique to him he could say is a quirk.

"Ha ha! Is poor little Deku going to cry now! Useless! Quirkless! Deku! Deku!"

The other brats are in chorus now. And dark, unheroic in hindsight, thoughts whispered about their stupidity in blindly following the feeling of the room. Izuku isn't whipped up in this fervor, directed at him like knives in all directions. And all he has to show for it is a double-jointed toe.
...A double-jointed toe... that he is the only one in the room that has...

Izuku snaps up, glaring. Kacchan, who was sneering right in his face, is startled and stumbles back, waving a sparkler from his palm at Izuku.

"I-I do have a quirk!"

The entire class laughs. Izuku takes the opportunity to pull off his shoe, and wiggle his pinky toe.
He wiggles it forwards and backwards, and the crowd stops going wild, in both disgust and wonder.

"None of you have toes that can do this, do you?"

Kacchan is having none of it. Grabbing Izuku by the collar and bring his right palm to Izuku's face, popping menacingly.

"That's just the mark of quirklessness, Deku!"

Izuku, similarly, is having none of it. And holds Kacchan's wrist away from his face, while looking out to the ring of children.

"Prove it. Find some other person you think is quirkless and get them to prove their toes are double jointed. Face it, Kacchan: this is a mutation, and therefore a quirk."

The crowd is no longer interested in the argument, the chance to pick on a person as a united front lost. As the fight-circle formation breaks, Kacchan has one last chance to express his dominance over the class.

"It's still useless! Useless Deku! What kind of use does breaking your toes even have?"

Izuku is ready. His confidence has never been beaten down before yesterday, and his confidence has never had momentum before this very moment.

"If you stomp on my foot I won't break my toe. If I stomp on yours, your toe will break. What use does being extra sweaty while screaming about how you're going to kill everyone have?"
"I-I don't say that! Stop lying!"
"I'm sorry, I must be thinking of another Kacchan."
"I'm gonna kill you, Deku!"
"Like how you said you were going to kill our teacher last week?"
"Never said that-"
"You said it right in front of me, Eyeballs and Fingers!"

At some point, it devolved from verbal violence to physical violence. Katsuki only threw punches and burned Izuku's skin, trying to use his quirk as much as possible. Izuku slammed the back of his fist into Katsuki's head and neck from a blocking position, but also was stomping on Katsuki's foot.
After finally appearing and being paralyzed in shock for some short time, he teacher finally decided to punish them both equally, despite the different severity and visibility of injuries.
This subtly makes the class of viciously impressionable children see Midoriya and Bakugo as equal, which is supported by the fact that Midoriya managed to break Bakugo's toe while his own are intact, like he said. (And that for all his words, Bakugo hasn't killed anyone yet, not even Midoriya.)

Izuku may have been teased for having a quirk the same "tier" as popping your eyeball out or making your fingers long, but he was never picked on for being quirkless. Bakugo, meanwhile, had to be extra aggressive and scary at all times to remain in his own "top tier" instead of being "equal to Deku," however.

 

[NooneImportant]

D(ice)BZ, by Shadowj6480 is really, really good for "I'm just kinda having fun here."
And I want to try that format myself, except I've never remembered most of the DB lore and don't really want to start now.
Nor do I want to riff on his work, just the format. So, I start my own Dice... story/quest.
Or tried to, anyway. As you can see below, online dice rollers fucking hate Izuku Midoriya for no valid reason. Or maybe I'm just bad at it for my first attempt.

Spoiler: Dice Notes for the Future

One for All roll DC100-mastery to not lose health. Crits grant mastery
Float adds +10 to movement and evasion rolls
Blackwhip: +15 to combat, +10 to movement
Smokescreen: malus all hit rates when activated. 2t cooldown
Danger Sense: malus to enemy stealth, will detect if they crit but will be overloaded instead. +5 to evasion.
Fa Jin: 3 turn cooldown: repeat the largest bonus last turn, regardless of context.
Gear Shift: Double(, half (or reverse)) a bonus or malus. 4 turn cooldown
Erasure: -10 on Turn activated (thrown off). Seals quirks. roll to maintain, and -1 per turns due to stress of maintained uptime.
Half-Hot Half-Cold: a counter between Hot and Cold. Using the opposite element to your state will gain a bonus or malus, equal to Temp Counter*5. Will slowly reset to zero out of combat. There is a "dead zone" where the extreme temperature does not impair Todoroki. It is currently {-1 : +1}
Ice: adds 1 to cold.
Fire: adds 1 to hot.
Heaven Piercing Ice Wall: add 3 to cold, require recharge after.
Flashfire Hell Spider: add 1 to hot and attack, twice.
Flashfreeze Heatwave: 2 step: 1: drop Temp to at least -3, gaining bonus for Temp reduced*5. Attack for cold damage
2: raise Temp to 3, gaining bonus for Temp raised*5 Attack for hot damage.

Inspired by D(ice)BZ on Spacebattles:
I present: My Dice Academia
*Only the skeleton, I'd fill the details/prose after the rolls.​

Age: 4

dc 100
55-30 (Canon Event)
25

Click to shrink...

"I'm sorry, but your son can never be a hero."

dc 60
22 -30 (dream fucking shattered)
-8

Click to shrink...

Stays sad for 8 years. All the kids call him Deku.

Age: 12

dc 60
76 -24 (bullied for 8 years) -10 (lack of faith)
42

Click to shrink...

Doesn't start training, but has gotten over it, mostly. No more bullying malus. Kacchan doesn't like that.

Age: 13

dc 60
25 -15 (Kacchan and mom's lack of faith)
10

Click to shrink...

Fuck you, Katsuki tells Izuku to jump off a roof a year early.

dc 40
41 - 5 (suicide bait) - 10 (Kacchan) + 10 (mom...)
36

Click to shrink...

Spoiler

Yes. Like every Punished Izuku badfic ever. I really don't want to write Villain!Izuku who gets picked up and babied by Shigaraki Tomura of all people.

Ok, F this, retake it from the top. This is now a Katsuki bashing fic.

Spoiler: Hindsight

Looking back, I could've done a Izuku makes his own criminal empire, fucking over both the LOV and Hero faction, but at this point, I really didn't want to write. skipping over to 12 years old

Age: 12 (Middle of Aldera Middle)

dc 60
68 -24 (bullied for 8 years) -10 (lack of faith)
34

Click to shrink...

Doesn't care about the bullying anymore. Kacchan really don't like that. Welcome to fanonical asshole Katsuki.

Age 13 yrs old (3rd of 4 years of middle school.)

dc 60
96 (fucking finally) -15 (Katsuki exists)
82 (He even starts training)

Click to shrink...

Izuku comes across Ingenium explaining how he's been training and studying since young, even before getting into UA. It's time to get off you ass, Izuku.

Spoiler: This new year's schedule now Izuku is trying

Rolls are by the month. This year: Studying at School, Studying Hero Fights, Training, Events (Mustafu)
April: Term Start
May: Midterms
June: Camp
July: Finals
August
September: End of Summer Hols
October: Midterms
November: Finals
December: Winter Hols
January
Februrary
March

Spoiler: Next year's schedule

April
May
June !EVENT (Episode 1, as in Mt Lady debut, as in canon.)
July [Bday, July 15, is now 14]
August
September
October
November
December
January
Februrary
March \[!THE DAY, 2 weeks in: marks]

This is scrapped and/or tabled because I burned out on Rolling Izuku into a usable state. Might rewrite as a low-input quest or something and put the onus of coming up with interesting stuff beyond the dice to at least 12? more people than 1 person. Maybe like, a list of write-in events, voting adds weighting to it, and roll for such an event to happen that year? Idk, MHA's pacing is ridiculously whack and to fast for D(ice)BZ's format. Maybe blitz through the first two years and when UA drops go month by month? Honestly, at this point I'd just go to Jetsmillion's Monster Girl Hero Academia Quest (don't think I spelled it right.)

 

[NooneImportant]

^ This shitshow

Click to shrink...

MEANWHILE, IN ANOTHER RNG SEED

Diceruto
(will be Diceruto: Roulette Chronicles if it ever gets to Shippuden)​​

Start point: Post episode 1.

Spoiler: Character sheet of currently the only important character.

Naruto: *Insert image here*
Stamina Uh... 3. (most normal people get only one)
Skills:
Shadow Clone: Cost Stamina to cast, ("lol, Uzumaki"/"lol, Kurama"/"lol Naruto" no fucking way will he have to pay to make clones), Create 1d4 clones, Get an advantage dice per clone while they exist. Will take attacks for main body, unless an enemy crit scatters them all.
Sexy Jutsu: Rolls to inflict:
DC: 20/45/75/100. +10 to "perverts"
(Critical Fail: Countered -> 20 -> Failed, no effect -> 45 -> Success, Distracted -> 75 -> Great Success, injury nosebleed (distracted malus equal to pervert bonus + free action) -> 100 -> Critical Success, flying nosebleed IKO. +10 to "perverts"
Harem Jutsu: Sexy Jutsu but roll 1d100 + d10 per clone.
Substitution: contest roll to dodge an attack. 2 round cooldown.
Transform: +10 to stealth roll.

Starts just after he gets his graduation headband from Iruka

DC: 20/40/60/80
80 + 5 (Needs to catch up and is aware of it.)
Critically Successful!

Click to shrink...

Naruto jumps at the bit, excitedly getting his stuff in order for ninja training! He seeks out The Old Man, who is amused by his enthusiasm, and reminds Naruto of the origins of Shinobi. Naruto only listens because despite it being history, it's the Old Man, but the point is his pranking experience can be converted into Shinobi Experience.

Years of messing with people and getting away with it is now being channeled into a productive drive instead of being discarded culminates in a +25 Prankster! passive.
14-4=10, 10*2=5. Therefore, Prankster V. I really don't want this to go the way of MDA.

Click to shrink...

Konohamaru does bratty stuff
[quote: First Impressions:]
Easy DC: 25/45/65/85
36 +10 (good mood) -5 (good mood ruined) = 41
[/quote]
[They do NOT get on the right foot, next roll is Medium Difficulty.]

*Insert elaboration on Ebisu chasing Konohamaru down, and Naruto wouldn't help except Ebisu is being pretty pretentious and also insulted him.*

Spoiler: Combat summary: Flawless Victory

Ebisu is pretentious!
Roll: "Naruto tries to jump him"
Medium DC: 30/50/70/90
64 + 25 (Prankster!) + 5 (Genin) - 15 (Special Jonin) = 79
Success! Got the drop on him!
Ebisu's Substitution: dc 79
29 +15 (Specialised Jonin) +10 (Specialty: "The Basics") = 54
Fail. Bro's supposed to be a master of the basics or something. How does he not dodge?
Ambush! Ebisu got hit, so also, free action for Naruto! (If you lose a melee, then the winner casts a jutsu or something to deal damage. Unless you're a mook and thus not a named character important enough to care for plot armor)
Chain! Shadow Clone Jutsu! roll 1d4! 4! (oh shit, rip Ebisu)
Naruto had 4 clones, as in, there are now 5 Narutos! And Ebisu has a malus from being ambushed.

Ebisu vs Naruto, 1st proper round
29 -10 (Ambushed) : Advantage: ((86), 41, 52, 83, 42) + 5 (Naruto is at the top of his game!)
Bruh... that's like 19 vs 91. Ebisu might be actually fucking dead for real, whoops!
Fail and Crit, Ebisu knocked down, Naruto finisher!

Naruto: Harem Jutsu!
Sexy Jutsu DC range: 20/45/75/100
d100+4d10, +15 (Flawless Victory) +25 (Prankster) +10 (Pervert: Ebisu)
33+7+6+7+1+15+25+10=104 Crit!
Second Roll: 96 + 4 (Overflow) = 100 (sheeesh!)
Third Roll: 86, (total. 286.) ...Oh god.

So, Ebisu's close to death, and if this was the NSFW board I'd have to add explicit detail to how he also nutted, and Kono either is traumatized or has had an early awakening.

Y'know what? Yeah! Bro has it too good, how's Konohamaru hanging?

Sexy Jutsu DC range: 20/45/75/100
d100+4d10, /2 (not the target) +25 (Prankster) +20 (Double Crit Collateral) -10 (So young so innocent (not for long))
Roll: 2 (pffft, Naruto is really careful with collateral, huh?)
Clone Rolls: {10, 10, 6, 4,} (not his clones, though)
2+30 = 32,
total is 32/2 +25 +20 -10 = 51 (Success, distraction)

Click to shrink...

Kono is no longer innocent, and now understands that being excessively horny is a weakness to ruthlessly exploit. No horny awakening himself until at least puberty. He at understands that while Ebisu is weak enough to be no diff'd by a Genin, the power of Horny is ridiculously strong. (Would've awoken something at 75 or higher, thank you Naruto for being extra careful. I don't want to talk to Chris Hansen)

30/50/70/90
d100 +20 (Naruto: Shonen moment) +15 (Naruto: Flawless Victory) +15 (Konohamaru: Inspired) + 10 (Kono: sad backstory) + 15 (Connecting spirits) -30 (Village ain't big enough for TWO Hokages)
40 +20 +15 +15 +10 +15 -30 = 85

Click to shrink...

Spoiler: Hindsight

I went out of my way to create a bullshit reason to not be besties. Village ain't big enough should be -20 at most. But in my defense, then I'd have to add Sexy and Prankster II to Kono at least, and that's a bit much.

Well, Naruto doesn't have a designated minion/disciple. And Kono doesn't inherit Prankster from Naruto. But at least now someone else also believes in our boy.


[\spoiler="Result:"] (After a rocky start, Naruto and Konohamaru's relationship rapidly recovered, and is basically like canon but Kono is scared away from horny unless as a weapon or weakness to cover. Also, he never learned Sexy Jutsu. To Iruka and the Third's eternal gratitude... oh wait, knew I forgot someone. [/spoiler]
So Hiruzen was spying. That means he saw EVERYTHING.

d100+4d10, /2 (not the target) +25 (Prankster) +20 (Double Crit Collateral) +10 (Pervert)
Harem Jutsu rolls: 35 +4 +10 +5 +5 (Guess the angle from the spy ball is different, not nearly as bad as Ebisu)= 59 (half is rounded up because get f'd Hokage lol also clean numbers)
60/2 +25 +20 +10 = 85 (I can't fucking believe Naruto almost killed the Hokage twice in two days!)

Click to shrink...

Hokage has a nosebleed. He is thankful that he hasn't taught Konohamaru the jutsu but still connected with him despite the rocky start. Naruto will get a small gift soon.

Naruto gets a bonus from dominating the encounter!

Spoiler: Naruto Level Up

Rolls: 1 (Victory) +1 (Collateral: Hokage) +(1 Inspired Kono) +1 (Beat Ebisu, a "Jonin") +1 (Legitimately got the drop on a Jonin) +1 (Flawless Victory) +2 (Double Harem Jutsu Critical) = 8
[I really don't want this to go the way of My Dice Academia, so, yeah: Shonen Moment]

List of potential advancements:
1. Shadow Clone
2. Sexy Jutsu
3. Harem Jutsu
4. Other Ability
5. New Ability Synthesis (be inspired to make a new technique)
6. New Passive!
8d6: 1, 6, 3, 4, 4, 3, 6, 2
Levels:
Shadow Clone +1
Sexy Jutsu +1
Harem Jutsu +2
Other Ability +2
New Ability Synthesis +0
New Passive! +2

Shadow Clone Level Up!
1: Minimum Colens per cast-> +1
2: Dice -> d6
3: +Dice -> 2d4
1d3: 1, Shadow Clones now spawn 1d4 +1 per cast.

Sexy Jutsu Level Up!
1: Reduce Crit Fail Threshold -> 15
2: Reduce Failure Threshold -> 40
3: Reduce Success Threshold -> 70
4: Reduce Crit Success Threshold -> 95
5: Increase Pervert Killer Boost -> +15
6: General success rate boost-> +1
Roll 1d6: 4, Crit Success Threshold reduced!
Sexy Jutsu: (20/45/75/95, +0, +10 against Perverts)

Harem Jutsu Level Up!
Heads: +1 per clone
Tails: dice per clone ->d12
Tails! Harem jutsu is now d100+xd12, where x is the amount of clones.

Other Ability Level Up *2
Naruto may not have used these, but this battle has taught him how to improve in them regardless!
1: Prankster V (I forgot to add this to the previous roll shhh it's here now)
2: Substitution
3: Transform
roll 2d3: 1, 3 (oh god oh fuck, he has MORE Prankster! I have made a great error.)
Prankster Level Up: Prankster VI (+30 to Stealth, Ambush or Messing with Someone. Will occasionally go out of the way to mess with someone. (Need to nerf it indirectly somehow without axeing it, so self-control troubles it is.))
Roll for Transformation Upgrade:
I have no idea what I'm doing, so roll with this
1: Bonus to Stealth +5 -> 15
2: Increase Solidity (resist attempts of disruption by skill's roll)
3: Focus on a form. (Ability Synthesis idea that I pulled out my ass earlier.)
1d3: 3 New ability/upgraded derivative Jutsu
Focus on a Form:
"That worked really well! Need to make it even better!" (Upgrade Sexy Jutsu)
"That giant shuriken Mizuki-teme had..." (New! Demon Wind Bomb)
"Ok, but what if I was a sword or something?" (New! Transform: Meister Weapon)
"I can turn into a girl, how hard can an animal be?" (New! Animal Mimicry)
"Man, if I substitute and my log transforms into me, they would never see it coming! Closet Pervert eat your heart out!" (New! Log Trick!)
Roll 1d5: 5 (Wait... Transformation relies on stealth... and the change back counter attack is a surprise... WHAT HAVE I DONE???)
New Technique: Transform: Log Trick! (On a successful cast of substitution, roll to transform into the substituted object and successfully deceive the attacker. Then, you can roll to Ambush the opponent.)

2 New Passives!
1: Virgin Killer
2: Orange Swarm
3: Gutsy
4: Never Let Up!
5: Unyielding!
6: The Finisher!
roll 2d6: 6, 6
The Finisher! II (An attempt on the supposedly last action to finish a long task or battle will gain +20)
If Naruto attempts to complete a mission or something that is taking a while, or defeat the last enemy in a battle, his "finishing blow" will gain plus 20 to success rate. Plus 10 per level, up to 3. (I can learn from my mistakes! Sometimes!)

*Insert Naruto reviewing his battle and coming up with new ideas and stuff. Y'know, training fluff.*
*Insert conclusion here*

One last thing... just where IS Ebisu?
Roll 1d50: 15 oooh... ahhh... OK, I'm blatantly cheating because that was the "Forest of Death" on my list, and he's had it bad enough already. Rerolling: 25: Hot Springs. Know what? he got crit twice with a heavy blow, (200+82,) he can reroll twice. 35: Yamanaka Flowers.

Reaction on landing: d100: 51 -10 (Pervert) -20 (Stained Nose, Stained Pants) -20 (Property Damage: Broke through the roof) +10 (Oh, ouch. Are you Okay?) = 11. Okay, so he's not Dead, just grievously wounded and traumatised and out of action for months as a result of Naruto and Ino. Long stay Hospital bed, ICU. Ninjas, y'know how it is.

Character Sheet:

Spoiler: Naruto Uzumaki

Stamina: 3
Prankster VI (+30 to Stealth, Ambush or Messing with Someone. Will occasionally go out of the way to mess with someone.)
Genin (+5 all conflict related rolls)
The Finisher! II (An attempt on the supposedly last action to finish a long task or battle will gain +20)
Shadow Clone Jutsu: Cost Stamina (lol Uzumaki lol Kurama lol Naruto), gain 1d4+1 clones, advantage dice*clones until they're popped. Will take attacks for main, unless a crit scatters them all
Sexy Jutsu: Rolls to inflict debuffs, DC: 20/45/75/95. +10 to "perverts" (countered, no effect, distraction debuff, distraction + nosebleed injury, Flying Nosebleed: I.K.O. Perverts, Heavy Injury to Super Perverts and may turn non-perverts into Perverts.)
Harem Jutsu: Sexy jutsu but roll 1d100 + d12 per clone.
Substitution: contest roll to dodge. costs stamina
Transform: +10 to stealth roll, [can change form physically.]
Transform: Log Trick! (On a successful cast of substitution, roll to transform into the substituted object and successfully deceive the attacker. Then, you can roll to ambush the opponent.)

Spoiler: Final Results:

Naruto's already started training to be a super cool ninja that's totally Hokage material, Konohamaru never learned the Sexy Jutsu due to Naruto and Konohamaru's rocky start, but they're still friends and rivals. The Third owes Naruto a gift, Ebisu is gone for at least past the Chunin Exams at the least, and I have clearly given Naruto too much power to overcompensate for how terribly the MHA Dice attempt went. Let's fucking do this.

Spoiler: Notes for later:

Shadow Clone: Cost 50% Stamina (except Naruto), gain 1d4 clones, advantage dice*clones until they're popped. Will take attacks for main, unless a crit scatters them all
Sexy Jutsu: Rolls to inflict DC: Counter'd/20/Failed/45/Distracted/75/injury nosebleed (distract malus + free action)/100/flying nosebleed IKO. +10 to "perverts"
Harem Jutsu: Sexy jutsu but roll 1d100 + d10 per clone
Substitution: contest roll to dodge. costs stamina
Transform: +10 to stealth roll
Chidori: fast with higher base hit, piercing
Rasengan: piercing, rolls again on hit for bonus damage
Genin: (+5 to all conflict related rolls (Un-upgradeable))
Chunin: (+10 all conflict related rolls (Un-upgradeable))
Special Jonin: (+15 all conflict related rolls (Un-upgradeable))
Specialty (mainly for special Jonin): (+10 to rolls related to specialty)
Jonin: (+20 to all related rolls. (Un-upgradeable))
Power of Prodigy: (+20 to the first attempt of a roll)
Potential of Hard Work: (follow up attempts at a roll will gain an additive +5)
Never Let UP! (On a successful roll, can burn 1 hp/stamina to immediately roll again, up to lvl times)
Unyielding: (On an unsuccessful roll, can burn 1 hp/stamina to immediately roll again, up to lvl times)
The Finisher! (An attempt on the supposedly last action to finish a long task or battle will gain +10*lvl (up to 3))
Gutsy: (at 50% health, lvl*10 percent chance to not consume stamina (up to 5))

Spoiler: Next on the agenda:

1b> Training: Two weeks until team selections: Naruto's training, Hokage gift, roll maybe a d20 for how many people also training/interact, (hope I roll low) and a potential for misadventure. (Or just eating Ramen.)
1c> Faction roll: Konoha (Hiruzen), Or****, R***, G*** Ak******, Hidden Villages or Damiyos in general?

2a> Encounter: Team selections and Bell Test
2b> Training: Team Seven's First Training! plus rolling for extras interacting/training, and a risk of misadventure.
2c> Faction: Probably the same as 1c, unless I roll a one and the Civilian Council decides to exist (I'm joking!)

2.5> how many rolls until the next big mission?

This is better structured and somewhat better organized than Dice Academia, I think

 

[NooneImportant]

Are you ready for an attempt at peak fiction?
NooneImportant presents:
DICERUTO
Turn 1b​

Spoiler: Naruto's sheet

Naruto Uzumaki:
Stamina 4
Prankster VI (+30 to Stealth, Ambush or Messing with Someone. Will occasionally go out of the way to mess with someone.)
Genin (+5 all conflict related rolls)
The Finisher! II (An attempt on the supposedly last action to finish a long task or battle will gain +20)
Shadow Clone: Cost Stamina (lol Uzumaki lol Kurama lol Naruto), gain 1d4+1 clones, advantage dice*clones until they're popped. Will take attacks for main, unless a crit scatters them all
Sexy Jutsu: Rolls to inflict DC: Counter'd/20/Failed/45/Distracted/75/injury nosebleed (distract malus + free action)/95/flying nosebleed IKO. +10 to "perverts"
Harem Jutsu: Sexy jutsu but roll 1d100 + d12 per clone
Substitution: contest roll to dodge. 2 round cooldown
Transform: +10 to stealth roll, [can change form physically.]
Transform: Log Trick! (On a successful cast of substitution, roll to transform into the substituted object and successfully deceive the attacker. Then, you can roll to ambush the opponent.)

Reminder on DC checks
Very Easy: 20/40/60/80
Easy: 25/45/65/85
Medium: 30/50/70/90
Hard: 35/55/75/95
Very Hard: 40/60/80/100

Naruto decided to prepare himself for his first ninja assignment.

Spoiler: Training Phase Rolls:

Naruto's Training
DC (uhh, easy, Naruto's plenty motivated after the past two days)
25/45/65/85
1d100 + 5 (Genin) +5 (Does not want the Dead Last stigma)
73 + 5 + 5 = 83 (looking good)
Success! Naruto gets a workout in!
This training roll system is Highly Experimental.
Minor boost, workout benefit:
1: Strength (Weighting: 2)
2: Speed (Weighting: 1)
3: Stamina (Weighting: 3)
Roll 1d6: 6 (Stamina +1)
Naruto's Stamina: 4

Naruto isn't too sure about training strength or speed, but he managed to give himself a workout!

Spoiler

Guest roll 1d12 (14 people), 6 (fuck)
6d14: 1, 5, 3, 4, 13, 11
Sasuke
Konohamaru
Shikamaru
Hinata
Ichirakus
Choji
(...I can work with this)

Spoiler: Sasuke

Sasuke Event:
Roll: Medium
1d100 -10 (Bitter Rivalry) -10 (Sasuke: Bad Mood)
14 -10 -10 = -6 (Oh dear.)

Naruto goes and shows off his new headband to the first former classmate he sees. Sasuke is disbelieving, Naruto insists, and insults Sasuke by implying his eyesight is too poor to see the headband. Sasuke starts slinging insults back, it becomes a verbal slugfest, and Naruto's temper boils when Sasuke claims Naruto is too much of a loser to ever amount to anything.
Naruto defends by claiming Iruka-sensei himself gave this headband. Sasuke snarls that it was out of pity. Things... devolved from there.

While Naruto is stunned and fuming over Sasuke's slander, he gets rushed down.
He gets combo'd, he hops back, but that gives room for Sasuke to put his hands together...
"This is the power of the Uchiha! Fire Style: Fireball Jutsu!"
...and breathe out, hard.
The field is bathed in fire, the sky is orange and red, and not even Naruto's glaring bright jacket can be seen. If he screamed, it can't be heard over the roar of the flames, which spread across the summer-dried grass, bathing the entire field in flames, reshaping the landscape. Sasuke takes a second to bask in the heat, the blazing fire that his clan was known for, beyond the Sharingan. Proof that he is Sasuke Uchiha.
As the majority of the flames burn out, the view clears to reveal the changed world, with trees given an impromptu topiary and painted in soot, while the grass is gone, replaced with a layer of ash over the dust and the dirt.
And right there, in the center, was the loser, Naruto. Sooty and ash-covered, with hot-red burns peeking underneath. Covering the only green grass left in eyeshot with his curled up body. Whimpering. Weak.
Sasuke has not had enough blood. "And stay down, loser!"
He charges at the prone Naruto, booting him in the stomach, only to stub his toe on a log instead.
Sasuke immediately spins around, searching every angle for where Naruto ran off to.
Every angle... except right in front of him, as the log became Naruto like Naruto became the log, and Sasuke got bounced off the ground by a fist to the face.
Naruto brings his hands together to make a cross with his fingers. "If you wanted to kill me, you didn't get close enough! Shadow Clone Jutsu!"
One Naruto becomes three, but Sasuke refuses to believe that Naruto has learnt the Clone Jutsu, and demands information, because he refuses to believe Naruto of all people hit him in the face hard enough to inflict double vision.
Naruto taunts him, suggesting he get his head checked if not his eyesight since his bell got rung.
Incensed, Sasuke drives a fist through Naruto's stomach, except 'Naruto' vanished like a cloud. From his right, another Naruto comes flying in, Sasuke ducks under and uppercuts him between the legs. When he turns around to face the last Naruto, he gets a heel driven right into his nose. He slides across the ash covered grass, sprawling.
Sasuke pulls himself up, fury and disgust in his eye.
Naruto slides across the ashen grass, ducking under Sasuke's punch that was a little too high, and swings his arm across, to hit thin air as a log appears just below his arm. Naruto twists, losing his balance and falls on his face, covering it in ash.
Sasuke walks back into view, gloating. "You are not the only one who can substitute, Dead Last."
Naruto wasn't having it. He shuts Sasuke up once and for all, running headfirst into him, then swinging an uppercut right where Sasuke's jaw meets his throat.
Sasuke falls backwards to the ground, sprawled on the ash, he groans, but he does not have the energy to get up.
Naruto tilts his head up, trying to breathe in the ashen sweltering air. He hears a gasp to his right, and it's Sakura.
He calls out to her, "Sakura, I won! I finally beat this asshole!"
"Sasuke!" Sakura cries. She runs over to his prone form, and shoos away Naruto. "Go away, you moron! How could you have hurt him so badly?"
Naruto doesn't try to correct her, and just walks off, even as he knows that behind him, Sasuke is ungratefully slapping away Sakura's hands. He just goes and gets out of there, away from those two who will never believe him, or believe in him.
He won a hard fought battle... But did he really win anything?

Spoiler: Combat: They're not even grouped together yet oh my god why are they already fighting?

Sasuke: 2 Stamina, 2 Speed, 0 Strength
Naruto: 4 Stamina, 0 Speed, 0 Strength
Sasuke: 1d100 +5 (Genin) +20 (Prodigy) +5 (Uchiha Privlege) +2 (Speed) vs. Naruto: 1d100 + 5 (Genin) -6 (Crit Fail)
26+5+20:41+5-6
53 : 40 = Sasuke Advantage!
Naruto Substitution: DC 53
30 + 5 (Genin) = 35, He's hit
Chain! Sasuke: Fire Style: Fireball Jutsu
DC: Medium (30/50/70/90)
1d100 + 5 (Genin) + 5 (Uchiha Privlege) +5 (Fire Style Training) + 20 (Prodigy) +2 (Speed)
93 (damn...) + 5 + 5 + 5 + 20 + 2 = 130
Roll 2: 71 + 30 = 101 (Sasuke's really gonna get away with this?)
Roll 3: 26 + 1 = 27 (total 227)
Naruto is aflame and at 1/4 Stamina. Can't substitute on a crit. (Aren't you glad Naruto trained Stamina earlier?)
Round 2:
Sasuke: 1d100 + 5 (Genin), +5 (Uchiha Privlege) +2 (Speed) - 5 (small kid just cast big fireball) vs. Naruto: 1d100 + 5 (Genin) -10 (Ablaze)
37+5+5+2-5 : 34+5-10
44 : 29 Goes to Sasuke (Naruto is not beating the Dead Last allegations)
Naruto Substitute: DC 44
86 + 5 (Genin) = 91
Counter Crit! (That's more like it!)
Follow Up: Naruto: Log Trick!
Difficulty: Easy! (Substitute Crit)
25/45/65/85
Naruto: 1d100 +5 (Genin) +10 (Transform) +30 (Prankster)
100 (...holy fuck.) + 5 + 10 + 30 = 145
Combo Roll: 24 + 45 = 49 (149 total)
Log Trick Counterattack!
DC: Very Easy (Sub' and 'Form Crits)
20/40/60/80
Naruto: 1d100 +5 (Genin) + 30 (Prankster)
55 +5 +30 = 90 (Give an inch and Naruto'll take your face and drag it down the road for a fucking mile!) Critical!
Naruto has ambushed Sasuke! Sasuke cannot use speed as a bonus! Critical Ambush, Naruto has a free hit!
Chain! Naruto: Shadow Clone Jutsu
1d4+1: 1 (Was beating the Dead Last allegations. Was.) 2 Clones.
Round 3
Sasuke: 1d100 +5 (Genin) +5 (Uchiha Privelege) -10 (Ambushed)
Naruto: adv.(3)d100 (Clones) +5 (Genin)
98 : (44 (94) 47) +5
98 : 99 (So they both crit naturally, but Naruto did get the drop on him because of Sasuke's denial.) They both get a clean hit (injury) on each other, but remember that Shadow Clones take the hit? Except that Sasuke also Crit, except Naruto technically won the contest... I got it! I'm biased, I know. Towards Naruto, anyway.
Sasuke: 1/2 Stamina
This is Naruto's chance to prove himself to Sasuke. (Final Blow!)
Round 4
Sasuke: 1d100 +5 (Genin) +5 (Uchiha Privelege) -10 (Ambushed)
Naruto: 1d100 +5 (Genin) +20 (The Finisher!)
30+5+5-10 : 17+5+20
30 : 42
Sasuke's Substitution
DC 42
Sasuke: 1d100 +5 (Genin) +5 (Uchiha Privelege) -10 (Ambushed)
85+5+5-10 = 85 (Crit. Uhh... Sasuke's no longer in an Ambushed state?)
Round 5
Sasuke: 1d100 +5 (Genin) +5 (Uchiha Privelege) +2 (Speed)
Naruto: 1d100 +5 (Genin) +20 (The Finisher!)
61+5+5+2 : 89+5+20 (He finally beat the allegations.)
73 : 114 (Naruto Crit)
Naruto Extra Roll: 32+14 = 46
(Sasuke takes 1 damage due to uncontested crit. Even if he could Substitution a crit, it's on a recharge.)
Naruto and Sasuke cooperation difficulty Very Hard
Naruto and Sakura cooperation difficulty Very Hard
Naruto and Sasuke have: Very Bitter Rivalry (-15 to cooperation)

Spoiler: Naruto Level Up

Naruto Level Up
Rolls: 1 (Victory) + 1 (Cutting it Close) + 1 (Got the Drop on Rookie of the Year) +2 (Double Log Trick Critical (Technically)) = 5
List of potential advancements:
1: Shadow Clone
2: Substitution
3: The Finisher! II
4: Transform
5: Other Ability
6: New or Upgrade Passive
7: Learn a new Skill or Passive
8: Increase Stats
5d8: 6, 5, 2, 7, 5
Substitution +1
Upgrade other Abilities +2
New or Upgraded Passive +1
Learn new Skill or Passive +1
Substitution Level Up +1
1: Success Boost +1 (Lowers DC)
2: Reduce Cooldown! 2->1
3: Skill Synthesis! (Naruto gets his creative juices flowing and comes up with a new brand of bullshit)
1d3: 2
Substitution Cooldown reduced to 1 turn of downtime after a success. (If he subs on round 2, now it's back online at the start of round 4 instead of 5.)
Substitution: (contest roll to dodge. 1 round cooldown)
Upgrade Other Abilities +2
1: Sexy Jutsu
2: Harem Jutsu
3: Skill Synthesis!
2d3: 1, 3 (hahaha...)
Sexy Jutsu Level Up!
1: Reduce Crit Fail Threshold -> 15
2: Reduce Failure Threshold -> 40
3: Reduce Success Threshold -> 70
4: Reduce Crit Success Threshold -> 90
5: Increase Pervert Killer Boost -> +15
6: General success rate boost-> +1
1d6: 1 (Less chance of Naruto eating shit and dying like when he tried this against Sasuke in canon.)
Sexy Jutsu: Rolls to inflict DC: Counter'd/15/Failed/45/Distracted/75/injury nosebleed (distract malus + free action)/95/flying nosebleed IKO. +10 to "perverts"
Skill Synth:
1: Shadow Clone
2: Substitution
3: Transformation
1d3: 3 (Okay, Henge popping off.)
Transformation Evolution:
1: "That fireball nearly killed me! If I could transform into a shield or a rock, It might have saved me! Or at least if a clone could" (New! Decoy Cover)
2: "That giant shuriken Mizuki-teme had..." (New! Demon Wind Bomb)
3: "Ok, but what if I was a sword or something?" (New! Transform: Meister Weapon)
4: "I can turn into a girl, how hard can an animal be?" (New! Animal Mimicry)
1d4: 2 (Oh, Hell Yeah!)
New! Demon Wind Bomb (Attack the opponent for 30/50/70/90, Using Transformation's bonus +0. On a Critical Fail, get counter hit (not a problem with clones). Otherwise, even with Fail, attempt to attack a second time, getting easier the better the first throw's success was.)
New or Upgrade Passive +1
1: Prankster VI
2: The Finisher II
3: New! Gutsy
4: New! Potential of Hard Work
1d4: 1. (I'm not fucking joking, that's what the Google widget has. Freaking hell!)
Prankster VII/X (+35 to Being sneaky or fucking with someone. Will occasionally go out of the way to mess with someone. Glory to the jesters, I guess)
New Skill or Passive! +1
1: Skill Evolution/Synthesis!
2: New Skill!
3: New Passive!
1d3: 3 (New Passive!)
New Passive:
1: New! Gutsy (For negating/reducing damage when in a critical state)
2: New! Potential of Hard Work (Inverse of Power of Prodigy)
3: New! Orange Swarm (More Clones, Naruto Unique)
4: New! Fire Resistance (Bro, he survived a 3 damage Fire attack, and won.)
5: New! Where Ashes meet Dust (Made up on the spot. A will of steel was forged in the flame-raged ground.)
6: New! Underdog's Grudge (+5 Bonus against someone of a sort of higher status. (10 levels))
1d6: 5 (Fuck, now I had to make this up on the spot... I know!)
Ashes and Dust I (The round after you survive an attack, gain +5 per stamina lost in the previous round) (Up to 3)

Spoiler: Sasuke learnt some things too

Sasuke Level Up
Rolls: 1 (Close) + 1 (Avenger: Need More Power) + 2 (Double Grand Fireball Critical) = 4
List of potential advancements:
1: Grand Fireball
2: Power of Prodigy
3: Uchiha Privilege
4: Substitution
5: Other Ability
6: New or Upgrade Passive
7: Learn a new Skill or Passive
8: Increase Stats
4d8: 6, 6, 8, 2
Power of Prodigy +1
New or Upgrade Passives +2
Stat Increase +1
Power of Prodigy -> III (Max) (+30 on first attempt/round)
Stat Increase: +1
1: Speed (Weighting 3)
2: Strength (Weighting 2)
3: Stamina (Weighting 1)
1d6: 6
Sasuke Stamina: ->3
New or Upgrade Passive +2
1: Uchiha Privilege II
2: Fire Style II
3: Fueled by Hate I (Made up on the spot, will exacerbate the hate)
4: The Need to Be Strong (There are greater Heights)
-: Power of Prodigy III (Maxed)
2d4: 1, 3 (Damn it. Couldn't've been The Pyro upgrade, Couldn't've been There Are Greater Heights, only the two Passives detrimental to Sasuke's character development, why did I put these in here? I literally re-rolled the 3 (blatantly cheating) and still got ANOTHER THREE. This has turned into a Sasuke-bashing bad-fic moment and it's not 100% my fault! (Only 66%))
(Last) Uchiha Privelege II (Plus +10 to all rolls in Konoha, except when contested by someone racist against the Uchiha.) (Uchiha Privelege will have the chance to split into "Noble Clan Bonus II" (Passive) and "Sharingan {I,I}" in times of stress/critical health starting level III. Or whenever this fucker is off-screen long enough for me to not have to write it.)
Fuelled by Hate I (out of X) (+5 to conflict rolls. -5 to social rolls. Will seek out conflict and hold grudges.)

He was the best in the class.
Sasuke finally gotten away from that irritant with the pink hair, and threw himself into training. He was the strongest in his class, how did he lose to the one dumbass who only graduated out of pity.
He finishes his fourth set of sit-up repetitions, and lies on the fresh, slightly overgrown grass of the Uchiha training fields. He is the final remnant of the noble Uchiha clan, why and how did he lose to a literal pity case?
...Itachi said to hate him. Is that enough? Hate someone enough to be driven to surpass them? So be it. Sasuke's hate will cover the world like night.
He hates Itachi. He will Die.
He hates whoever pissed all over the Uchiha's Sovereignty and traditional funerary rites, stealing their corpses without even an ash urn to show for it. They will Burn.
He hates Naruto, for embarrassing him, but also thanks him, for showing that if a loser can get the better of him, he still has a long way to go before Itachi. He may live, but Sasuke will never forgive him.
..And if he gets in his way again, there will not even be ashes of him left to show next time.

Naruto put his hands together in the tiger seal, the last thing he saw before his world became fire. He bring his hands into fists, pointed down. Sasuke almost killed him. As Naruto interlocks his fingers, holding his hands at a perpendicular angle, he ponders the flow and result of that fight. How he burned, how he got back up, how he finally knocked the dismissive smugness off of the bastard's face. He rests his right open palm on his left fist. He muses on how Sakura scorned him and ran to check on the bastard, even after Naruto was the one nearly burnt to a crisp. He interlocks his fingers again, palms pressed together like a prayer. Why was Sakura so fond of Sasuke and dismissive of Naruto? Was she scared off by the violence? All he did was pound his face in a couple of times, Sasuke was the one who burnt down the field! Naruto cycles through the seals for the Substitution in order: Tiger, Boar, Ox, Dog, Snake. He cycles through the seals that saved his bacon as his mind cycled through the battle, trying to find an answer for how it could've been better, or even how it could've possibly been worse.

Sasuke isn't the only asshole Naruto has fought, Mizuki was kind of a dick even as a teacher. Naruto remembers nearly losing Iruka to an over-sized throwing star. Just like Iruka nearly lost him today to an oversized firecracker.
Should he even tell Iruka what happened? No. It'll just give Iruka anxiety he doesn't deserve to suffer from. What if he doesn't want Naruto to be a ninja anymore and takes his headband back?
Naruto summons a clone who transforms into a Fuma Shuriken, like the one that Mizuki used. Sasuke is good at Shuriken Arts, too.
Naruto wrenches the giant chunk of faux-sharpened metal and spins around, slinging it as a discuss. It chops through a couple of branches, but before it can stick itself into the trunk of a tree, it reverts into a clone, who clings to the tree, resisting the urge to throw up. The clone shakes it off and jumps off the tree, throwing a flying kick before popping.
Naruto is inspired; he has an idea! It'll require learning to not get dizzy, but he'd like to see Sasuke use his fancy shuriken trick shots to deflect this!

"Dog, Boar, Ram. And go!" A blonde, curvy supermodel clothed in nothing but twin-tails and anime-brand steam appears, strikes a flashy pose for less than a second, before throwing herself to the side and vanishing in favor of a blond covered in nothing but ash and actual clothing.
The Sexy Jutsu is a goldmine, and has won Naruto most of his fights (in conjunction with the Shadow Clone Jutsu), but someone like Sasuke would probably attack before they actually have the chance to fall for it, and those kinds of people will probably attack with a lot of fire, or knives, or maybe just crush him with a giant toad!
So Naruko needs to be able to get out of the way when someone like Sasuke won't, no matter what position she's in. Even in the most eye-catching, show-stopping, nose-bleeding positions, just in case.

Sakura and the bastard have cleared out of the field. Naruto walks across the ash back to where there are soot and smear marks along the ground. He looks down at the sole patch of dried but uncharred grass, where he could only brace and feel the piercing heat eat at his skin and cook him into a fried Naruto ramen topping. Naruto could go for some ramen right now. But he'll need to go for a wash first; It's been a bit after the fight, but after all that, he still has ash marks on his face. He turns and sees a smeared line where you can see the baked dirt underneath the ash. Where his face met the ground, where the ash meets the dust. Even after the fight is done with, Naruto still feels the heat, the light, the smell of himself being cooked. How can anyone handle it? How does someone who aims to be the literal Fire Shadow, be scarred by flames?

Spoiler: (This is a terrible idea.)

Ayo, does Naruto acquire a Pyrophobia debuff from this? DC: Hard (35/55/75/95)
1d100: 97 (Nope. Naruto conquers fear and has babies with it. Remember: Hinata is fear incarnate.)

..No. He will become Hokage. And that means he will be the shadow of all flames. No big shot punk with a flamethrower in his mouth will tell him to stay down.
Who does Sasuke think he is? Vengeance? Furaribi? Naruto will return from the ash, burning brighter than any fireball Sasuke could ever spit out.
Like that Kiara girl from that pretty magazine he found looking for material for Sexy Jutsu. The fire chicken girl! Firebird girl?* Oh yeah! Takanashi Kiara the Venus! Fenicks?
Whatever. Naruto will rise up. Naruto will claw his way to the top, out of the burning hell, and onto the Hokage Monument.

Naruto will become Hokage, and you better believe it.

Spoiler: Real Naruto Hours

Forget Fire Res, this man will Face The Flames/In the Shadow of Fire (+5 against Fire Style Masters and Fire Style Jutsu. Reduces effectiveness of Ablaze malus by 5.)
(*They both sound like Hinotori)

Still, there are people off to the side still boggling at the charred field. Might as well explain what happened. You've faced the fireball that caused this destruction and got back up. There's no reason to fear citizens of the Land of Fire.
Oh, hey! There's Konohamaru!

Spoiler: Konohamaru Time

Konohamaru Event:
Roll: Medium
1d100 +10 (Friendly Rivalry)
75 +10 = 85 (Bro... We fucking take those!)
Crit Success
Kono comes across Naruto after the shitshow above, and will apply to his Gramps to change the teams. Also, Naruto's does not suffer a malus for his other interactions this turn, but if canon teams form... Also, roll to gain something from this.
1d100 + 10 (Kono: Friendly Rivalry) -10 (Bad mood) +5 (Bad mood salvaged)
91 + 10 - 10 + 5 = 96 Critical! Free training Round, I guess!
As an actually healthy rivalry, they decide to cross-train, even though Naruto is still sore and tender-roasted while Konohamaru is not even in the Academy.
Kono Roll: (Not making a Character Sheet, just leaving it in the notes to resolve later.) 1d100 -5 (Not even Academy) +10 (Training Partner, Stronger) +10 (Friendly Rivalry) +5 (Excited for Real Ninja Training Hours)
DC: Easy 25/45/65/85 (Tutoring)
14-5+10+10+5 = 34 Fail: no gains, no pains
Naru Roll: 1d100 +5 (Training Partner, Weaker) +10 (Friendly Rivalry) +5 (Genin) +5 (Take the mind off) -10 (Bad Mood) +5 (Bad Mood Salvaged)
DC: Hard (injury) 35/55/75/95
27+5+10+5+5-10+5 = 47 Fail. We already had big upgrades earlier. Let him cool down a bit. Literally, as well.

Konohamaru listens in rapture to Naruto's recount, how he got roasted alive, how he swapped with a log and back while disguised as a log, how he missed a punch but rammed headfirst into Sasuke while he was gloating and got him in the end. How Sakura ran for Sasuke without looking his way, and that has been how it's always been no matter what he tried.
Konohamaru decides that Naruto can do better than those two, and encourages him to keep moving forward to spite them.
They decide to do better next time, (next time for Naruto anyway,) and attempt to cross-train with each other.
Naruto's injury sores keep spiking in pain, ruining the lessons he tries to impart by interrupting his train of thought. Konohamaru doesn't have and material to actually teach himself. Even though they don't actually get anything done, they have a good time. Mission Accomplished, Konohamaru. Great Work.
Now, to make a detour to visit Gramps...

Spoiler: Shikamaru

Shikamaru Event
DC: Medium
1d100 +10 (Shikamaru: Smart)
25 +10 = 35 (At least I don't have to write much)

Shikamaru's a bit too distracted to listen to Naruto run his mouth about what happened. While he Saw the injuries on Sasuke when he broke away from being dragged off by Sakura, the bruises pale in comparison to Naruto's. instead of patches of boiled red between tanned skin, it's the opposite on the exposed parts of his body. The ash on his face covers his face, making him look like a different person. Like any other person who just had been burned alive. Any blonde who Sasuke could've shot a fireball at. Like Ino. Ino, who's been a bother since they were babies. Ino, who he only tolerated most of the time despite her proclivities to being disruptive because their dads are best friends. Ino who would've died to such an attack that repainted an entire field in char and ash.
"Hey, Shikamaru, are you even listening right now?" Naruto snaps him out of his reverie.
"Wow. How troublesome." The situation was dire even if it's swept under the rug politically. The team selections are being made right now, after all.
"Well if you are too busy thinking to listen, I'm just going to go then." Naruto probably misread what he meant, but Shikamaru was busy thinking right now. He send a weak "take care" to the blond walking away, and muses on the knock on effects of this fight. He stares at the ash covered ground, and steps on it. He can still feel the heat under his sandals. He sits down on the ash, presses his fingertips and thumbtips together, and meditaties, pondering, analysing, planning.

(Interaction didn't go anywhere, but Ino's going to be concerned over how not-passive Shikamaru is going to be around her and Chouji.)

Spoiler: Hinata! Hinata!

Hinata Event
DC: Easy (Girl loves her Naruto-kun)
1d100 +10 (Hinata: Compassion) +5 (Fond of Naruto) -5 (He doesn't know) +15 (Sympathy: 3 damage) -5 (Who IS this girl?) (I'm blatantly cheating by bullshitting a -5 Malus for one reason)
49+10+5-5+15 -5 = 69 (This reason. Since the difficulty is Easy, it's in the same success tier anyway.) Great Success! Also, Funny Horny Number lol.

*Umm, on horny board, insert Hinata walk on a desperate Naruto washing off the ash downstream.*

Spoiler: This is very important.

Is Hinata a pervert?
1d100 +15 (that's her crush) +15 (giving her quite the show earlier) -30 (Years of Hyuuga Pressure) -20 (Lack of Faith in self)
8 -20. (No. she is too busy being horrified by the burns and how much they hurt Naruto to be horny right now.)

So, Hinata comes across a cleaned up Naruto, applies an oil so he doesn't smell as burnt, (lotion his back?) blushes hard when he thanks her, but realizes he never asked her name. She sat in the back right of the classroom, and Naruto didn't pay the most attention to most classmates.
Now, Naruto's off to actually eat, and invites Hinata.

Spoiler: Ayo Date Night? :eyes:

DC: Hard (Naruto's inviting her, Hyuuga Pressure, Kinda a wallflower)
1d100 +10 (A Date!) -10 (A Date?) +5 (Fond of Naruto) +15 (Asked out by Crush) +15 (Got quite the show earlier) -30 (Years of Hyuuga Pressure) -20 (Lack of Faith in self)
93 +10 -10 +5 +15 +15 -30 -20 = 83 (Hinata, I am so sorry for cucking you out of straight up confessing.) Greater Success

Hinata feels faint, and squeaks out something that sounds like a yes before stumbling over, and getting caught by Naruto. Who assumes that she's feeling faint because she hasn't eaten in a while. He carries her off to Ichiraku Ramen.

(Naruto recognises Hinata be name and face now. Hinata got the eye candy? Sorta? Anyway, Naruto walking around covered in ash really rattled some bones. Him covered in healed burns should look a little better... Right?)

Spoiler: Ramen boys, where ya'll at?

Ichiraku Event
DC: Very Easy (Boy loves his Ramen)
1d100 +5 (Fond of Naruto) +15 (Hanging out with a new friend/Date with Crush) -10 (Bro, you need a hospital, not a restaurant)
31+5+15-10 = 41 Barely Success.

The Ichirakus almost didn't let Naruto eat and wanted to send him to the hospital, but his feverish assurance that Hinata helped him with some sick ninja secret recipe had them let it go. They still chastised Naruto over not getting himself get so hurt, but also letting slip something is secret. Naruto apologizes to Hinata, and Hinata waves it off, it's not a clan secret, just a personal recipe.

Spoiler: THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT

Naruto and Hinata bonding roll
DC Medium (The hangout is already happening, Hyuuga Pressure)
1d100 +10 (Definitely friends (at least)) +15 (Hanging out with a new friend/Date with Crush) +10 (Bonding Bites) +5 (Naruto: "Damn, Hinata's actually cool") +5 (Hinata: Senpai noticed her) -30 (Hyuuga Pressure)
86 (Oh shit! (positive)) +10 +15 +10 +5 +5 -30 = 101 (Ichiraku fixes everything!)
Roll 2: 29+1 = 30 (130 total! Now, What the fuck do I do with a social roll crit?)

Hinata slips about never actually paying him back for the scarf incident (he took the heat from some bullies and her minder took her away before she could thank him). He then declares that since they're friends, she doesn't have to. She proceeds to pull a Narizzto level smooth and declares Naruto doesn't have to pay her back for the ointments then. Except she was stuttering so it came off as cute. Still nailed it. Ganbare, Hinata. Teuchi and Ayame approve of Hinata. Naruto realize that Between him and Hinata, he doesn't actually have enough cash to cover it. Teuchi and Ayame are willing to put it on a tab now that he's about to be employed, but Hinata drops some money to pay it off. Naruto complains about him being the one to invite, and thus he should pay it. Even if Hinata's basically a princess. Naruto also denies Hinata sulking about not being a very good princess, on the basis that princesses are supposed to be kind, which is definitely Hinata. Naturally, she blushed.

(Naruto and Hinata are friends and have time to build up actual chemistry before getting hitched (or being the closest they can without, Dice forbid.))
(Also, Teuchi and Ayame welcome Hinata to Ichiraku, Ayame ships them.)

Spoiler: Chadji.

Choji Event
DC Medium
1d100 +10 (Choji: Compassion)
84 + 10 = 94 (Choji can actually pay attention and listen I guess)

Naruto walks down the road after splitting from Hinata. He comes across Choji, who's chowing down. Choji asked Shikamaru why's he's in a funk and was pointed to Naruto.
Naruto complains about Shikamaru not paying attention to what Choji understood from him as a recounting of nearly burning to death.
Naruto is surprised that Shikamaru was in fact paying attention, and regales Choji with the context he's missing. Choji figures out Shikamaru is panicking over the idea of being on the receiving end of a similar strength attack, and started overthinking ideas on how to avoid it.
Naruto gets it, but says that it'd be easier to get strong enough to not worry about it in the first place.
Choji explains that solving problems with his brain is the way thinkers like Shikamaru does things, while their job is to solve things with their hands.

Spoiler: Quite the inspiring words. What comes of it?

1d100 +10 (Good mood) +5 (Deep Wisdom dropped by Chadji)
54+10+5=69 (I swear I didn't fudge this one hot damn.) Success! (So nothing, but Naruto has thoughts on philosophy, so uh, plot hooks, character development, yay? Fine, Choji, if he gets relevant enough for a full character sheet, gets "Chad" as a passive, with a chance to evolve it into Megachad and Gigachad.)

Deep words that grant Naruto some insight into the nature of things, but no epiphanies or anything. In the meantime, Choji does some friendly teasing about how friendly he has gotten with Hinata. While Naruto isn't definitively "over" Sakura, he is aware of how bad he seems to look to her, and that's choking any kind of dating topic right now. Choji apologizes for making it awkward, but the conversation is saved and ended by two ANBU dropping down on either side of the two, a clear three meters away, to send a message that the Hokage wishes to see Naruto, supposedly about the incident that happened earlier today.

Spoiler: Sudden Onset Hokage Syndrome

DC Medium
1d100 +5 (Fond of Naruto) +5 (Fond of the Old Man) -20 (You've caused quite a bit of trouble) +5 (Not actually Naruto's fault the field is burnt.) +15 (Sympathy: 3 damage)
60+5+5-20+5+15=70 (The minimum for a Great Success.)

The Hokage asks Naruto for his account of the incident with Sasuke, and explains that the "blind" comment is what ticked him off: His family jutsu are, as Naruto calls them, "super eyeballs, like the Hyuugas but red instead of white." So calling Sasuke blind hit a little closer to home than intended.
To be fair, Naruto did not earn a headband out of pity, and implying such was also out of line.
Using a B rank jutsu in unsanctioned combat against a fellow Konoha Shinobi prospect ("Prospect? What do you mean, prospect?" "That's not the point anyway, B rank jutsu,") is also out of line, but none of the clones even hit Sasuke, and it's not like Naruto was the one who dealt heavy damage to the environment and another person with a fire jutsu. Naruto demands a minor concession for damages, cheeky brat. (Well, the Hokage still secretly owes him for resisting the urge to teach his grandson the Sexy Jutsu.)
The Hokage is not willing to judge if Naruto can be trusted with the sort of power that could do something like burn down a field, that's his Jonin-sensei's job. No super powerful jutsu for you, Naruto. He's a little pouty, but concedes, considering he was just on the bad end of someone with that sort of uncontrolled power. Hokage offers to spot Naruto a couple of bowls at Ichiraku's instead, but Naruto has already had Ramen with Hinata.
This gives Naruto an idea, and he asks for advice, like what he got after the Forbidden Scroll Incident. Between Hinata, who he apparently could've been friends with this whole time, and Sakura, who he is sure hates him and ran for Sasuke despite what happened in their fight, Naruto definitely has girl troubles.
And the Old Man is old, but he lost his wife in the Ninetails attack, which means he had a wife, and also Konohamaru so he's also had a family, which means he has talked to a lot of girls and thus is the most qualified to help Naruto solve his girl troubles. Supposedly, the Hokage also played the field before Biwako, he was young once, too. So, the Old Man shares some wisdom and insights about navigating the female mind, and also has some notes made for review on Naruto's own time. Hopefully, being able to understand them will help him reconcile with these ladies, as well as help him in any other... endeavors that may need such skills.

Spoiler: Note

This should be a crit prize, but it kind of wrote itself. Naruto is now a budding Ladykiller I (+5 interacting with females. (Up to 10))
Naruto also has the Hokage's Notes to Romance and talking with women, and will read it whenever he has some time. They're notes from the Old Man Hokage! Made literally in response to his issues! Of course they're important!

Spoiler: Kono on a mission

Kono's Request
1d100 +5 (Fond of Naruto) +10 (Clearly not a good fit) +15 (Sympathy: 3 damage) +10 (Konohamaru) -10 (a kid) +10 (Can you trust this won't happen again?) -15 (Kakashi pressing the scales) -20 (The other teams would need to be scrambled.)
50+5+10+15+10-10+10-15-20 (He's a kid, but he's Hiruzen's kid and makes a good point)

Konohamaru scrambles into his grandfather's office, making sure to not crash into Naruto this time. He stares at the papers Naruto is cradling before shaking his head and running up to his grandpa's desk. He is refused the details of the team selection, but begs that Naruto and Sasuke are not put together. However, some bigshot Jonin Kakashi butt is trying to push them together, (along with that Sakura girl, which will make the problem worse,) but can you trust that he will try to make them work together? In no world will they not immediately start fighting when his back is turned. Konohamaru's Gramps agrees to bring up the possibility, but he makes no promises.

Spoiler: Random Event

Misc Event roll (A lot happened and I'm tired, but technically it's been one day out of two weeks. what the fuck. two events.)
1d12: 11, 10, Go shopping, Seek out a friend (Might just cancel this roll, what could Naruto possibly buy... aha!)
Shopping:
DC: Medium: 1d100: 24 (He does not get fresh milk. Oh dear, skipping.)
Seek out a Friend:
1: Old Man
2: Kono
3: Iruka
4: Hinata
1d4: 3 (Neato! I have no idea how to write him! Wing it!)

Is sensei out of the hospital yet? Light duty? Close enough. Naruto goes to seek out Iruka, doing paperwork at the Academy. Iruka's pleased to see Naruto after almost a week, and Naruto sits on the front desk of the classroom to talk and vibe.

Spoiler: Iruka moment

DC: Very Easy (It's Fucking Iruka, what, do you want a Naruto-hating Iruka?)
20/40/60/80
1d100 +15 (Kindred Spirits) +10 (Fond of Each Other) +5 (Man's proud of him.)
(Before the roll: I already have a plan: Fail: Pleasantries, the hospital was very boring, and Naruto doesn't want to tell Iruka how he nearly died not even two days into being an official ninja prospect. Success: They have a great time bonding, Naruto makes a complaint about Sasuke, and Iruka lectures him about acceptable targets. Great Success: Iruka notices Naruto's notes and helps him study. Crit: I hope not. This either means cross-training or ugh, Iruka teaching Naruto a skill he knows. This includes, basics, chakra control, echolocation, barrier seals, and the Teacher, and Prankster passives. Not all of those are applicable, but guess which are?)
65 (f***)+15+10+5 = 95 Critical Success.
1d3:
Study Notes
Learn Skill/Skill Trade
Cross-Train
1d3: 2

Iruka listens to Naruto gush about how hard he's been training, and how he's already come up with some new tricks! Iruka is proud of him, and says maybe one day, he'll be the one teaching people jutsu. Naruto has an idea, why not teach each other a new technique? After all, Iruka's not his school teacher, anymore they're fellow Konoha ninja! Iruka likes his cheek, and goes along.

Spoiler: The teacher become student

Iruka's learning Skill: DC Medium
1d100 +15 (Kindred Spirit) +5 (Training Partner: Weaker) -10 (Naruto does not know how to teach) +10 (But Iruka knows how to learn) +5 (And Naruto's really earnest about this)
79+15+5-10+10+5=104
Roll 2: 39+4=43
1 point. Neat.
Naruto's applicable offers:
1: Prankster Level
2: The Finisher!
3: Substitution Level
4: Transformation Level
5: Sexy Jutsu
6: Demon Wind Bomb
7: Log Trick
1d7: 7 (Neat)
Iruka can do the Log Trick now.

Spoiler: Private tutoring

Naruto's learning Skill: DC Medium
1d100 +15 (Kindred Spirit) +10 (Training Partner: Stronger) +5 (Actually learning something useful?!?) -10 (Naruto does not know how to learn) +30 (But Iruka knows how to teach: Iruka's Teacher III) +5 (And they're having a ball)
89+15+10+5-10+30+5=144 (That's one.)
Roll 2: 25+44=69 (That's... two I guess.)
Iruka's applicable offers:
1: Teacher
2: Study Habits (if I roll this I'm rerolling once without telling you guys I swear)
3: Prankster Level (please no)
4: Transformation Level
5: Substitution Level
6: Chakra Control I
7: Seals: Barrier: Trigger
2d7: 3, 1 (why. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Teacher's nice, though.)
Prankster VIII (+40 to Stealth, Ambush or Messing with Someone. Will occasionally go out of the way to mess with someone. (up to 10))
Teacher I (+10 when in a tutoring position, (up to 3.))
(At least I can say they learnt enough to write that it took the rest of the break)

Naruto claims that he is going to teach Iruka-sensei his signature sexy jutsu. Just as he raises his last hand seal, Iruka's fist careens in to pop him on the head. He end up hitting a classic log, and wonders where Naruto ran off to. But then Naruto pops back in right in his face, and laughs as Iruka leaps back in shock, before he starts chuckling too. "The Log Trick was the first thing I came up with after I graduated. It started with me having the idea to set up clones transformed into Substitution Logs, so when I make the swap, the clones are right in their face ready to counter, you get it? But then I thought, I could cut out the middle man and also just transform myself. Since you can't do as many Shadow Clones, sensei, I'm teaching you that version.
"...Naruto. The Transformation jutsu is a illusion disguise, like the academy's Clone Jutsu."
"...No, it's always been solid for me. Solid Transforms. Solid Clones. Probably a Solid Substitution, if that existed. It's why Sexy Jutsu is extra effective. Most ninja can tell if something's an illusion, right? but if it's solid, it's real, and then the effect that messes with their head cant be dispelled because it's real."
"Huh." Iruka pondered the ramifications, of a legitimate shapeshifting Transformation Jutsu, as he attempt to replicate Naruto's work when not even he understood what he did differently. He doesn't get far, but He somehow manages to get the 'become a log' part down, and that is a baseline to work off of in the future.
They spent the better part of a week trying to turn Iruka into a tree. Naruto only let up after it was Iruka proven he had the basics down. But they ran out of time for Iruka to tutor Naruto in something fancy. But that's fine, because Iruka returned to his... roots.
"You know, you could really mess a guy up if you swapped with a kunai midflight and became a knife. They'd try to block it and then, bam! It's you!"
"I already have something like that, it's called "Demon Wind Bomb" I turn myself or a clone into one of those overcompensating shurikens Mizuki used to have, and then hurl myself at the target, then if they dodge, I turn back and strike from their blindspot!"
Naruto never ceased to impress Iruka. "The conservation of mass should make the transformation easier than a log."
Even if he needs a little help, sometimes. "Conserva-what?"
"You're about the same size as a massive shuriken, so it's easier to transform without worrying about being bigger or smaller."
"Oh, yeah! You're right! But you also have to be careful about the fact that spinning so much can make you dizzy! That's so cool though."
"Yeah, the things you come up with are very cool, Naruto. Nausea aside."
"No I meant how you helped me immediately know what you meant! How do you do that?"
See, this bright-eyed, excited curiousity, this is what Iruka lives for. "It's what teaching is about, Naruto. You get a hard or confusing topic, and make it simpler until the student understands the difficult subject. You also need to sometimes give the student space to learn. Teaching them to teach themselves, but if they're stuck, give them a little hint to get their brains on track again."
"Ah. I got most of that, but not difficult, but when put in the sentence you used it, it's another word for hard?"
"That's right. Wonderful, Naruto."
"But why say difficult instead of hard? They're the same word!"
Iruka grins. "Well, hard means it's not soft." Iruka knocks on his desk twice for emphasis. "Difficult is the proper word. People only started using hard as a replacement for difficult because difficult was, well, too difficult to say!"
Naruto bursts into laughter, and Iruka joins him. This is the kind of experience Iruka loves about his job. Even when his students are little shits, they look up to him and can sometimes come up with the darndest things, like turning yourself into the log designed to take the attack meant for you to open a counter attack. Inspired, really.
"Okay, but if you transform into a paint can mid-flight and land right on their head!"
"Not bad, although making a handle get hooked under their chin may be a bit difficult. But if you also have a paint bomb on you when you go for it..."
"You can still blind them by getting paint in their eyes anyway! Good thinking!"
"Thanks Naruto. Good to know I haven't gotten too rusty."
But fun can only last for the day. And the sun is setting. "I didn't learn much, but I still feel I learnt a lot. About how to help others learn."
"It may not be an official jutsu, but teaching is a skill, Naruto. And the Academy was founded by?"
"The Second Hokage!" Trust Naruto to only pay full attention in history if the title "Hokage" was invoked.
"So you can say that teaching is a Hokage worthy skill then?"
That seemed to affect Naruto more than expected. He just kind of stood there, looking down at his hand, clenching and unclenching, before snapping up and grinning, but not elaborating. Fine by Iruka, he's just happy to know Naruto is inspired to teach, which to be honest, is a step to the side from leading, which is an essential skill for the Hokage.
Heh, he's still got it.
"Alright. Remember Naruto, team assignments will be announced in your old classroom, so be there by nine, okay?"
"Alright, see you tomorrow, sensei!"
Naruto looks behind, waving while running off. Iruka waves back, before turning back inside to pack up the paperwork.

(Man, Naruto had a good time. I hope it lasts...)

Event: Teams
(Due to Kono's middling efforts, DC Medium by default.)
The Hokage sits at the desk, gazing at the line up of Jonin waiting to begin dividing up the graduates into cells. There is an unspoken agreement that unless some of the class apart from a certain nine make a unexpectedly strong showing, we were only going to have three proper cells this time, however, one particular prospective leader for a theoretical cell is late, as usual. Hiruzen is aware of Kakashi's tactic. He will leverage his prestige and record breaking career to prevent us from starting without him, then he will make his demands and the others in the room will have to aqcuiese to those demands because the time normally spent arguing and compromising was wasted waiting on him. And everyone else in the room knows what his planned team is going to be. But Konohamaru is counting on him to break it up. The feud between those two troublesome children might be a detriment down the line, and mess up a critically important mission. Prehaps some time apart instead of together might have cooler heads prevail.
Y'know what, screw Kakashi. even if he showed up on time, he wouldn't be the important person in the room. Hiruzen is the one with the hat, after all. And seperating the two might actually save the trouble of another training field being burnt to a crisp. The only hard part is how to scramble the teams to maintain balance. There were only three traditional Team 7, afterall and look how those ones ended up, especially the sorry state of the Team 7 he led.
"You may be aware of what the original team placements were, and some of you may be aware of the incident that happened over a week ago. To refresh: There was an addressive altercation between prospective Genin Uzumaki and Uchiha. During the altercation, Uchiha launched a C Rank Fire Jutsi of potentially letal intent on Uzumaki, without care for the immense collateral damage. For at least a month, we are down an entire training field, as the flames spread across the dry grass and turned the entire floor into a layer of ash. The risk of this happening again, even when they are on a mission with clients, is too high to risk the reputation of Konoha's professionalism on the job."

Spoiler: Jonin reaction

1d100 +50 (Hokage) +10 (Risk of this happening again) +5 (He burnt down an entire field?!) -15 (Genin fight all the time) -5 (It's only Naruto.) -10 (Get on with it.) -15 (Where's Kakashi?)
30+50+10+5-15-5-10-15 = 50 (Man these guy's need to pay attention. It's their boss talking.) Success Minor.

Hiruzen sizes up the Jonin again, while they are not really looking at him, and Yuuhi is buffing her nails, he does see that some of them have nodded to at least indicate they are paying attention, and even Asuma is thinking on it.
"In light of this new information, we will review the previously decided team placements immediately."
That caused them all to wake up. A minor rumble fills, the room, Asuma and Miss Yuuhi stare at him, which Hiruzen returns a shrug. One of the Jonin raised his hand, so the Hokage intentionally coughs, to bring the Jonins' attention back to him, and then point to the one who raised his hand.
"What about Kakashi?"

Spoiler: Can we leave him out? Please?

1d100 +50 (Hokage) -15 (Genin fight all the time) +10 (but on a mission that would really tank our rep) -5 (it's only Naruto) +5 (keep him away from the Uchiha) -15 (Kakashi's a big shot) -15 (shouldn't he be here to defend himself?) +20 (Fuck that guy, he's showing us down) +10 (Get on with it.) -20 (have to rework the teams)
5+50+10-5+5-15-15+20+10-20 = 35. (+30 Hokage bonus putting in work. Still fail though. Kakashi continues to press down on the scales)

"Kakashi proposed the volatile decision to put these two on the same team with an element who will exacerbate the situation, if he wanted to defend his case despite the incident, he would at least have the courtesy to not keep us waiting. So he won't."
"Won't have us wait or won't defend his case?"
"Yes. lets begin."
The room is interrupted by a smoke burst.
"Mah, sorry I'm late a black cat crossed my-"
"Kakashi. If you are going to disregard the process of deciding teams, your input on the teams will be dimilarly disregarded."
Kakashi stares at you, and shifts to his full height.
"Were the teams not already decided? I was going to teach the Uchiha, Uzumaki and Haruno?"

Spoiler: Convincing the Straw-Man

1d100 +50 (Hokage) +10 (If they fight on a mission...) -15 (Kakashi) -20 (Jonin) +15 (History of Laziness) +10 (The sheer disrespect of this subordinate.) +5 (History of being late.) -5 (Clock's ticking.) -20 (rework the teams) -7 (Team 7 Legacy)
3+50+10-15-20+15+10+5-5-20-7=26 Critical Fail. (I'm in the market for a new dice roller. I don't want to write Sasuke. Damn it.)

"Quite simply, given how vicious they are to each other, I do not trust you to stop them from trying to kill each other at every opportunity, no matter how convenient it is for Konoha."
"I'll stop it from getting too far. A bit of healthy competition is good for growing boys."
"Did you not pay attention while you were waiting outside to make a dramatic late entrance? Or are you here to fail this team like the last one so you can go back to reading pornography in public?"
"Careful Hokage-sama, that sounds a lot like favoritism."
"You were the one who specifically requested Uzumaki. Did you want him as a speedbag for Sasuke then?"
That was a mistake. Not because it rubbed Kakashi raw that it was implied he would kill this team too, but because Hiruzen made a lapse in judgement, forgetting that Naruto isn't that popular to most of the others in the room. The idea of Naruto being a sandbag for the Uchiha was popular with those elements, and Kakashi, while personally offended by the distasteful take, pragmatically capitalized on it.
"Come on, Hokage-sama, we already have a complete set of teams, let's just go already."
Hiruzen knows that no matter how much he even begs Hatake to pay attention to this team, he sees too much of his own team in it to stop and think. If only he could stop proving the point of Danzo of all people's philosophy.
As Hiruzen dismissed everyone but Hatake, he felt the weight of his age and realized that once again, like over fourteen years ago, he has grievously failed Naruto Uzumaki.
Hatake, in his usual Madara may care attitude decides to rub it in his face. "C'mon, Hokage-sama, Best in Class, Best Kunoichi, Bottom of the Rankings. It's a Team Seven classic, and it hasn't failed us yet."
Well, Hiruzen tried. By Sensei, Konohamaru and Naruto he tried. All he can do now is futily warn of the cursed path Fate has railroaded us on.
"Are you talking about your team or mine, Hatake? Because of yours, the only one left is the sorry state before me."
"It'll be different. We're not in an active war, and I know where we went wrong. I'll do better, this time. I've had practice with one team."
"You should've practiced more with the teams you dropped. Maybe then you'd learn that people are not clone copies of each other. No, you are going to be almost as lazy with these three as you were as lazy with those many."
"It wan't be like that. I have them all pegged out, easy." It's becoming clear to Hiruzen that Kakashi has wilfully covered one eye with his headband and the other with nostalgia.
"See, Sasuke and Naruto are at odds with each other, and Naruto likes Sakura, who likes Sasuke. Sasuke is serious and hyperfocused, Naruto likes to make the best of life. and Sakura is grounded, keeping the two from getting to lofty."
He HAS to keep trying. "Kakashi was focused on the mission before anything else. Sasuke is focused on his obsession, revenge, before everything else, including the mission. Sakura is intolerant of Naruto and instead of playing peacemaker like you expect, will smack him over the head and side with Sasuke before reason, not after like Rin could. Naruto channels his lashing out at his lack of security not just through taking time to enjoy life slowly, but being aggressively direct and clear about his issues, in lieu of turning everything into a farce to reduce the impact, like Obito did."
Hatake tries to be a smartass, "It sounds like you think that they resemble your team more, Hokage-sama. The Legendary Sannin? Sound like a good legacy to live up to."
But the Third Hokage is out of patience. "What legacy, Hatake? Tsunade has lost everyone she cared about. Only her lost family's old loyalty that means nothing to her and her personal military value stops her from cutting ties officially. You can find her lamenting what could have been every bar and casino except in Konoha itself, which holds nothing but ghosts for her. Jiraiya disillusionment about the realties of shinobi life he wasn't prepared for scarred him, alongside the seperation of his team. You can see him running off, doing his own thing, drowning his sorrows in decadance. He rarely sets foot in Konoha, and only because he stashes some of his stuff here. Orochimaru, if you find Orochimaru, you would be in mortal danger soon. He hates Konoha in a way where he will only set foot in here to destroy it in revenge."
Hatake, bull-headed, stubborn mutt Hatake, is insistent. "Sakura's parents won't be in danger. They've are never assigned to high risk missions, and no one's ever had a reason to kill them. I can direct Sasuke. He will need tutoring in using the Sharingan effectively, and I'm the only one alive willing to provide that. Naruto, well, it might be a little too late for him. He's already made that Sexy Jutsu."
Hiruzen doubts there is enough Ramen in the world to buy Naruto's forgiveness. It's over. But he will set the record straight.
"Sasuke's lost a lot more than Tsunade has in the span of one night. I can see him jumping at the chance to ramove himself from the village hounted by hundreds of his ancestors."
Hatake was stunned by Sasuke being compared to Tsunade. How short sighted of him. "Jiraiya was the spare and designated glue of the team, overlooked like you are overlooking Sakura until it was far too late to save him. Were you planning to teach her some niche skill? Or are you waiting for her to seek it out herself in an effort to stay relevant while you neglect her in favor of the other two?"
Hatake starts stuttering, trying to defend himself, but the Hokage wouldn't have it. "As for Naruto's jutsu? He created them all by himself. He's creative, innovative, similar to his father and despite the scorn from the village for inauspicious birth circumstances, he is a fount of talent like his mother. It wasn't Jiraiya who wanted to wear this hat, Kakashi."
Finally, an implication to stun Hatake. Too little, too late. Hiruzen wishes Naruto would forgive him for comparing him to Hiruzen's original favoured child. Hatake has lost composure, gone desperate. "But Minato's- I would never! He would never want to do that!"
"And I don't want to one day have to look Naruto in the eye as he holds a sword to my throat. But if he feels so irredeemably betrayed that the only option he sees is to betray us in turn and never look back... Well, you were the one who wanted him on the same team as the child who almost killed him. Orochimaru was always my favourite, even when I seemed to pay more attention to Jiraiya for a while. Like you said, only you can teach Sasuke the secrets to the Sharingan."
It's time to wrap this up, Hatake pulling his usual tricks has run down the timer. "Fate is a lazy, uninspired, repetitive bitch, Kakashi. If Naruto turns, it is not the Nine-Tailed Fox you should be concerned about: It's Naruto. It is the enigmatic, charismatic young man whom you would place a chip on the shoulder of, who could connect and sway anyone even with his heart closed off. If he didn't want to be Hokage specifically, Naruto could absolutely create his own successful village, Kakashi. I just want that village to be Konoha."
"I, what... but-" Hatake does not deserve to have the last word of this conversation.
"DISMISSED, Jonin Hatake! Curb your disrespect next time."
"It's Minato-sensei and Kushina's son. There's no way..."

(This is punishment for my sins. Canon team selections, but Hatake-bashing hours because he is wilfully ignorant of this team's dynamic in contrast to his. Along with some delusions that even then this totally second coming of this team will end up anything better than the first.
Kakashi: Nah, I'd win.
Hiruzen: Take it from me, you would not win.
Kakashi: ...Nah, I'd win.)

Spoiler: Turn Results

Results: Bad blood between Naruto, and Sasuke and Sakura. Also, Sasuke went and made himself relevant so I'm forced to also keep track of his progress too! classic Uchiha. Shikamaru is in panic mode, Ino will be concerned, Chadji drops some Deep Wisdom, and Hinata got through a date without fainting from Naruto's rizz, and rizz'd him back! Also, Ichiraku is now a Hinata safe-space. Speaking of Rizz, Hokage started Naruto on the secret to Hokage-rizz, a vital skill for the Hokage. Naruto and Iruka catch up and have fun, Iruka knows Log trick and has a way to study Naruto's peculiar brand of transformation. Naruto, teaching? Could be done. Hiruzen, change the teams? He tried. Kakashi says no. Kakashi doesn't know how many cooperation maluses they're on right now.)
(The fact that despite it all, Hiruzen Sarutobi legitimately tried, does he earn the title of HIMruzen despite the failure?)

Spoiler: Naruto Sheet

Naruto Uzumaki:
Stamina 4
Prankster VIII (+40 to Stealth, Ambush or Messing with Someone. Will occasionally go out of the way to mess with someone. (Up to lvl 10))
Ladykiller I (+5 interacting with females. (Up to 10))
Teacher I (+10 when in a tutoring position. Up to 3)
Genin (+5 all conflict related rolls)
The Finisher! II (An attempt on the supposedly last action to finish a long task or battle will gain +20)
Ashes and Dust I (The round after you survive an attack, gain +5 per stamina lost in the previous round) (Up to 3)
Face The Flames/In the Shadow of Fire (+5 against Fire Style Masters and Fire Style Jutsu. Reduces effectiveness of Ablaze malus by 5.)
Shadow Clone: Cost Stamina (lol Uzumaki lol Kurama lol Naruto), gain 1d4+1 clones, advantage dice*clones until they're popped. Will take attacks for main, unless a crit scatters them all
Sexy Jutsu: Rolls to inflict DC: Counter'd/15/Failed/45/Distracted/75/injury nosebleed (distract malus + free action)/95/flying nosebleed IKO. +10 to "perverts"
Harem Jutsu: Sexy jutsu but roll 1d100 + d12 per clone
Substitution: contest roll to dodge. 1 round cooldown
Transform: +10 to stealth roll, [can change form physically.]
Transform: Log Trick! (On a successful cast of substitution, roll to transform into the substituted object and successfully deceive the attacker. Then, you can roll to ambush the opponent.)
Demon Wind Bomb (Attack the opponent for 30/50/70/90, Using Transformation's bonus +0. On a Critical Fail, get counter hit (not a problem with clones). Otherwise, even with Fail, Attempt to attack a second time, getting easier the better the first throw's success was.)

Spoiler: Sasuke Sheet (Damn me for having to make this)

Sasuke Uchiha:
Stamina 3, Speed 2
Avenger X (+50 to training rolls. Always +1 level up roll after combat. -50 to any attempt to stall or impede vengeance. Does not actually boost rolls against target.) (Target: Itachi)
Fuelled by Hate I (+5 to conflict rolls. -5 to social rolls. Will seek out conflict and hold grudges. (Out of 10))
Uchiha Privelege II (+10 to everything unless contested against someone racist against Uchiha, or other Uchiha.)
Fire Style Training I (+5 to Fire Stylel Jutsu)
Genin (+5 all conflict related rolls)
Power of Prodigy III (The first attempt or round will have +30)
Grand Fireball (Deal Damage (30/50/70/90) and inflict an Ablaze Malus (-10) Strong enough to suffer a minus -5 malus right now after use.)
Shuriken Arts (Roll to deal damage. does not use speed or strength mods, but the enemy''s speed mod is deducted. 30/55/80 (0/1/2 damage.))
Substitution: contest roll to dodge. 2 round cooldown
Transform: +10 to stealth roll

(...Wait, shit. I might need to make a Sakura character sheet, too. Fuck)

Spoiler: hanging plot hooks for next turn

Lingering:
Naruto is training and prank happy,
Konohamaru never learned the Sexy Jutsu but otherwise canon.
Ebisu is gone for past the Chunin Exams at the least
Naruto and Hinata actually talk when they can. Ganbare Hinata
Hinata has a safe-space in Ichiraku, if you're fine with being shipped with your crush by the owner's daughter.
Ino's concerned over how uncharacteristically active Shikamaru is around her and Chouji.
Choji is a Chadji.
Iruka now knows Log Trick and has a way to study Naruto's peculiar brand of transformation.
Events to be resolved:
Hokage's Notes for Romance and Talking to Women
The Third owes Naruto an apology/explanation after tomorrow, but that's for next turn.
Naruto has expired milk.
Team selections (Canon.)

 

[NooneImportant]

Honestly, last chapter's rolled results (esp. Canon team) plus the slog writing this one dragged me through caused me to drop this, but I'm on a Naruto Kick again, so we back. Me. I'm back. I'm the only one who cares about this slop. That's why it's in "Random Ideas Noone Important cares about."
Also, I got sick of this lying around in my documents so I finished it to at least slightly under my minimum standard. (Which is "more fleshed out than a skeleton.") And slapped this down without edits. Enjoy? Maybe?

---

DICERUTO
Turn 1c
(Phase 3 of a turn: global shifts)​

Let's get this show on the road. Because I have little integrity as a writer of a solitaire game that I'm the GM of, with no plans for how to actually play, I rolled the big factions first, then if I got an interesting roll or idea, maybe rolled for sub-factions.

Spoiler: rolls made three-ish months ago.

Greater Elemental Countries (Ft. Damiyo & civs) 99
Ninja Villages, 89
Man, the Elemental Nations' economy is living it up. Seems like there was a peak fruitful harvest or a discovered ore vein or something, but regardless there's a lot of work and not a lot of unchecked crime, because both the civil and shinobi sectors are getting a great economic flow. Or there's a lot of action, depending on the place. Maybe?
Let's roll per village, except Uzu because I'm not going to write an Uzu reborn timeline.

Konoha: 61 (Gossip's passed through about a training ground being set on fire, but they're still getting trade and missions. The incident seems to be taken with humour as 'silly ninja things' outside of Konoha, at least.)

Iwa 95 (People here have heard about the total mess that Uchiha (Sasuke) has caused, and even better/worse, they have accurate details. (Damn spies/gossiping traders.) It's good for a laugh at the "silly tree-huggers." On a more domestic scale, a very valuable vein network has been accidentally unearthed, triggering a Gold Rush.)

Kumo 78 (People have heard about the total mess that happened in Konoha, and even better/worse, they have accurate details. Good for a laugh. Also, missions have been going well, and the greater Lightning Country is well in hand.)

Suna 99 (People have heard about the total mess that happened in Konoha, and even better/worse, they have accurate details. Common tale to repeat in bars. A Wind Country-fabled "Treasure Ruin" has been discovered, within a sun-up-sun-down day's distance, and a forward base is being built. A well spring has been discovered, and is close enough to Suna to be funneled into the Oasis Network. Construction is underway. A new market for glass art and stained-glass art has opened, and Suna has capitalized. By that I mean Rasa has proven he is the fourth Kazekage for a reason and has held the resources over his head until the Wind Damiyo agreed to actually put more effort and missions into Suna's economy. This renewed funding has revitalized Suna's willpower and has been invested into construction, general trade, both military and non-military (to Rasa's relenting chagrin,) and a new R&D initiative...)

Mizu, 17 (Welp, the Civil war boiled over so hard that Mizu has closed borders until it's over.)

Ame, nat 69 first try (...but I must.) (Certain... images... of Ame's "Angel'' is making the rounds. Slightly more risque than your standard boudoir or gravure. "God" and the "Angel" tried to stamp out the spread of the pictures at first, but they had to let it go when the pictures, for some reason, caused the grand majority of Ame-nin to fight even harder than before. A surprisingly welcome second wind, but the way it was caused… Who could possibly have leaked those photos though? (Ame is (spiritually) on fire!!! Also, some Ame-nin have started worshipping Konan on at least the level of Pein.)

Oto, 62 (Expansion into minor countries is going super well. Basically taking all the jobs out of Kusa. Hot Water's full of hot air right now, and rebuffed all current attempts. Sand infiltration is going awry, but Hero Water is also on the market.)

Kusa, 11 (Man, Oto's been bullying Kusa out of jobs. because the Kusa hideout is going crazy well. Also, diplomacy breakdown. (55) They haven't lost Karin, but she is being staked by definitely not Kusa-nin… (on lockdown of sorts, like Mizu, but not under the threat of complete dissolution, like…))

Taki, 5 (Ok, so clearly something happened, and Waterfall has imploded harder than Mizu has, what the fuck happened?) (86 Some missing nin made a pass at the Hero Water, and took Fu with them! Taki got Fu back, but they lost a non-insignificant amount of Hero Water, which soon makes its way around in the underworld... They've lost their edge, and their hiddenness, they are practically dead in the water...)

Yu, 99 (Well, Yu's industry has been getting pretty good. Some ninja are even coming back to try again. Also, the Damiyo of Hot Water, officially got Jashinism banned to resounding agreement country wide.)

Now, for particular factions…

Gato, 85 (Man it was lucky he killed Wave's hope, that Kaiza dude before this influx of good harvest came in! Since he controls the food's way in from the damiyo, and the citizen's way out by the sea, it's basically his personal fief! The people he hired get good food, he gets good business, and no one is in a good position to interfere! It's almost perfect! (Because he is the black market,) And whe use ninja when he can use this Hero Water?)

Orochimaru, 46 (Well, he didn't get Itachi, and needs a new body, stat. (85, it goes well, and he adapts quickly.) No headway in Suna or Yu (yet), But Kusa's all but under his thumb now, Taki is ripe for the taking, and speaking of... that Hero Water is very interesting... As is that Karin... Uzumaki?)

Akatsuki, 55 (Progress on the plan is being made... well, progress waiting for a chance to get the tailed beast, anyway. If Fuu wasn't rescued during the Hero Water Heist, they would've gone for the seven-tails. Hidan is pissed that Jashinism got banned in Yugakure, and Konan is pissed about Kakuzu leaking the pictures. (He got really big bucks though.) Itachi fights off Orochimaru and... (67) doesn't really care about what Sasuke did? (interpersonal feuds, but nothing that matters big time.))

Konoha (Clans), 54 (People are worried about how ninja clans work if this is how the uchiha end up. Fear and respect can be two sides of the same coin, where does it land?)

Danzo, 60 (Plans are actually moving forward. He has pushed forward a initiative to tail POI (Sasuke, Naruto.) And also cause f'ery in other locations, but not inside Konoha. Too many eyes right now. For now, Taki's Hero Water is being sold on the black market... Interesting. It's always good to see that Tobirama-sensei is being proven right about the Uchiha. (It's not racism when they are proving you right! Ignore how I have shoved all of their eyeballs into my arm and own skull!))
Danzo is putting pressure on Hiruzen, who just has to eat it right now after the bullshit.

Konoha (Hiruzen), 16 (Holy shit the dice hate Hiruzen.)
Uchiha (Sasuke), 25, (punished for setting a training ground on fire for carelessness, regardless of lethal intent. At least he gives Hiruzen a chance to be cool and to nail him with a decent one liner. "And here I thought you intended to kill Itachi, not Naruto.")

Strong harvests abound making the economy flow. Konoha is profiting from the surplus produce, but exports aren't the only thing that has gone past Fire Country borders. From Kumo to Iwa, it seems that everyone is aware of an entire field being turned to ash. Laughingstock. Meanwhile, a large vein of precious ores was found, opening a mine and jobs. As a result, Iwa is recovering faster than before. Even the broken land of Hot Water, scarred by Hidan, has seemed to bounce back, as a small group of former Yu Shinobi have come together to rebuild as an organization for teaching shinobi, specialized in both hospitality, and protection. On the more civil side, a unanimous decision between the Damiyo and his advisors has decreed practitioners and rituals of Jashinism banned within the Country of Hot Water. Rare but in this case not that surprisingly, such a heavy-handed decree was met with no pushback from the peasants whatsoever, nary even a complaint about religious discrimination. Even Sand, once in a precarious position, has managed to get a big break…

Harimaru is at his end. Suna is too far away, and he's run out of water. He wasted too much time on his mission to restock, and he wasted too much energy trying to make it back. He already sees an oasis right in front of him, the heat-induced illusion calling him to the Pure Land. He falls on his knees and falls face first into the false lake. It feels cool on his face. It also feels wet? Harimaru, wide awake pulls back. He scoops out his empty waterskin and scoops some of the water. He takes a sip…
It's fresh! It's real!
He rests until dark, then fires a flare into the air, calling reinforcements to his location. Suna needs to know. The people who said hope is lost in the Sand were wrong!
Rasa sits at his finally cleared (for now) desk and considers his situation. The Fourth Kazekage thought the "Ash Field Incident" from down in Konoha would be the best thing he'd hear today, but he was critically wrong: Rasa has just been through three back-to-back meetings, and abnormally, they all speak of hope for Suna's future in some way or another.
First was the report by Chunin Harimaru. Harimaru failed to contain his emotions as was proper for a shinobi while giving his report, but considering his discovery of a Sage-blessed Oasis not that far from Suna, Rasa will gladly let it slide just this once.
The Kazekage has learnt the hard way that investing all in on the military (counter to, for example, Konoha's high investment in its mundane and civil infrastructure,) was one of the most short-sighted moves he had ever signed off on. When you cannot support glassmakers, smiths, or even makers of food, the lack of resources ends up eroding your forces' capabilities from the inside, meaning you lose any kind of power military or otherwise until you outsource those civilian resources. Suna ended up suffering from an absolute dependence on the Wind Capital, and when they couldn't keep up with the Damiyo's greed, everything started collapsing from within.
But now, they have their own water; the oasis find was bigger than Harimaru thought, and he earned himself a new standard jacket and the rightfully earned title of Jonin for it. Suna can grow their own food and quench their own water. With this little buffer of self-reliance, Suna can afford to be picky about what jobs they take from the capital and even look for other employers, as a tariff from the capital can no longer choke Suna to a slow death beneath the dunes! A new addition to the Antlion network, Suna's network of secret underground channels and aboveground checkpoints, is currently underway to carefully link the new Oasis to Suna's new water reservoir and distribution system. The town being built around the oasis to protect and maintain it is to be named "Greenhouse," which somehow won the vote over "Hope Spot" and "Crystal Clear." The name would be more fitting if they could grow more plants there, but even without, the trade Suna can get through Greenhouse will breathe much needed life back into it. Rasa agreed with Harimaru that naming the path currently being cleared between Suna and Greenhouse the "Glass Road" was a little much, though. It reminded the Kazekage how silly the Civilians can be sometimes.
Greenhouse Oasis wasn't the only big discovery. Rasa's second meeting with team Baki was a surprise. Apparently, the weapon, Gaara, struggled to pull as much sand as it intended out of the ground. It was not, apparently, a failure on its part, as there was less sand under the ground to work with in the first place. Team Baki had, by pure chance, unearthed a til then undiscovered ancient ruin out of the ground. The last time Suna had the chance to investigate one of these was in Rasa's grandfather's time, where the treasure (and technology reverse engineered from the inevitable traps) overflowed Suna's treasury and revived her "Golden Power." It will take a while to locate the actual entrance, completely unearth the ruin, secure a supply line and construct an outpost, but combined with Greenhouse, the Kazekage can actually afford to be patient about this for once.
The Kazekage was in such a good mood, that after the team's debrief, he allowed them to linger in his office like they used to when they were young. The Weapon immediately left, and Baki let himself out with Rasa's blessing. That's how good of a mood he was today: he normally sends them off with a dismissal, not blessing. Regardless, Temari and Kankuro sat down and rested out of the harsh sun while the Kazekage finished his paperwork.
Rasa sometimes forgets that as children of the Kazekage, Temari and Kankuro had inevitably absorbed some political savvy and general brightness through osmosis. Temari in particular, with her intelligence and knowledge on Suna's recent social environment on the Ground Level, gave advice Rasa actually considered worth listening to for once.
"A little less smithing, father. We don't have the metal, smiths or prices to warrant that much; all the excess will either go nowhere or to the laundry. While we're at it, cut back on the general glassware," his daughter pointed to the relevant numbers, "we have a surplus of mass-produced pieces, and making more when we can't get rid of them is just burning money for no payoff."
"Instead, consider investing a little more in the glass artisans instead. Now, hear me out, father-" Rasa lifted his head out of the paperwork at the notion and tilted his head at Temari, who had held her hand up. "When my brothers and I went out of Suna on missions, something stood out to me: the latest trend among the nobles in the capital and other clients with the big money is splurging big on fancy art pieces."
"Oh yeah, we saw the Wind Damiyo spend a literal million on a single wood carving!" His son butt in. "Fire and Stone tend to be on the ball with this kind of thing, but if we jump the line, we'll have almost the entire market for a bit! Then when demand runs dry, we silently withdraw while the others sink more funds in to try and milk an empty cash cow." Kankuro fell into a tangent. "Honestly, a million on a carving of that caliber? I could do better. Hey! That means I could charge more! We could get big bucks-"
"Thank you, Kankuro." Temari sharply cuts in, receiving a hushed apology.
Interested by the words "literal million," Rasa let his children continue. "So we get our best to make their best: Stained-mosaics, blow-works, magnum-opi tier pieces. We auction those pieces off at the capital and other high-brow places, and ideally, people who want more will ask for more, and we get commissions to sell more!"
Rasa was almost convinced. "And what will the artisans do when the trend for fanciful artworks dies out? Sell novelties?"
"Like, glass kunai and shuriken?" "That could work. Something the general glassmakers could get in on, as well." Welp, it seemed Rasa also joined in on convincing himself. "Very well. Temari, would you mind embarking on an emergency C-Rank to investigate the market and locate some specialist glassmakers to commission?"
"Sure, father." His daughter smirked. "I don't mind doing a little chore for pocket money." She proceeded to vault out the office window, causing Rasa to sigh as he returned to his work with Kankuro still in the room.
Kankuro just was happy to ramble as he worked, which was surprisingly relaxing: it distracted Rasa from the boredom of paperwork while not distracting him from the paperwork itself. Without thinking, Rasa ended up engaging back, only stopping to look over particular sheets, where Kankuro respectfully paused in turn.
Rasa looks at the extra pages he and his son wrote after he finished his paperwork while they were still in a tirade, a discourse long finished as Kankuro ran out of ideas to pass between them and left his office sharing high spirits. A list of the pros and cons of the combat and financial applications of kunai and shuriken made from glass compared to the standard metal armaments, as well as the best methods to sell or distribute. That was set aside for the radical proto-blueprints of heavy-armor puppets, carriage-like puppets, puppets that involve heavier seal-work and even auto-propelled puppets. Even a design where they use glass lenses to focus a beam of sunlight, that was ridiculously impractical but could bear interesting developments if given time to experiment.
The Kazekage sealed those rambles and doodles and packed them up to send to R&D. With the expected influx, he could actually afford to throw some money that way to explore these ideas.
He left the office early for once, heading to the usually bare R&D department to negotiate the preferred reasonable funding of "Research Project: Outside the Black Box." Once he's done, he'll even have the time to treat himself to a surprise appearance at some random restaurant or stall for a late lunch, and even have training time after to keep in shape and his skills sharp.
Water, Gold, Technology. At this rate, Rasa won't even have to accept Oto's proposal for Suna to thrive! What a wonderful day.

Oto's been bullying Kusa out of work. A side-effect of Oto's Kusa hideout going crazy well. However there has been a bit of a diplomacy breakdown. Karin hasn't been taken from Kusa, but she has noticed being stalked by definitely not Kusa-nin…
Orochimaru didn't manage to acquire Itachi, and needs a new body after the battle. Fortunately for him, the process goes well, and he adapts quickly. No headway into Suna or Yu (yet), But Kusa's all but under his thumb now, Taki is ripe for the taking, and speaking of... that Hero Water is very interesting... As is that Karin... Uzumaki?

The Mist is one of the only places unaffected by recent events. Mainly because it's still in lockdown with a side of civil war. Speaking of Water Country, let's talk about this "Hero Water" that just hit the Black Market…

Gato praises his good timing. He controls Wave's food by cutting the line to the Damiyo, and he controls the sea with his ships! With that Kaiza gone, no one has the balls to dare stand up to him! Call him a kingpin if the black market? Please, he is the black market! And speaking of, he doesn't need to hire any ninja when he can just use this Hero Water to boost his own loyal mercs! …Where did this Hero Water even come from?

Taki is in major danger of dying. Some bandits, freaking bandits, managed to stumble upon the village hidden behind a waterfall, steal their Hero Water, and almost made off with the jinchuriki as well.
The Hero Water that was necessary to allow Taki to weigh up against the Major villages, and now it's everywhere else! They managed to get the Seven-Tails back, but that alone won't be enough to keep Waterfall relevant and solvent…

Taki got Fu back, but they lost a non-insignificant amount of Hero Water, which soon makes its way around in the underworld... They've lost their edge, and their hiddenness, they are practically dead in the water…

A rippling wave of determination has washed over the Shinobi forces of Rain. Certain "images" have slipped in and been passed around the village, inspiring enough to light a fire in the hearts of all of Rain's men (and some of its women). A branch of the state religion has been created, "the Angel's branch," but no civil war for religious ideology has started. This is mainly because the Main Branch considers the Angel's Branch "just them but openly horny," and the Angel's Branch absolutely agreeing with the Main Branch's assessment.

"Alright. Who did it?" Konan does not shout. She speaks sharply. Anyone who claims otherwise gets their throat slit by paper cuts. Considering the rather racy pictures depicting herself being unstoppably distributed, she has a reason to be angry. The other person as angry as her in the room is Hidan, who is furious that Jashinism is being discriminated against in Hot Water even though that is entirely his own fault.
"Kakuzu did it." Itachi dobs immediately and uncaringly. He just got out of fighting off Orochimaru, and had just heard of the incident Sasuke got himself into. No matter. As long as he can fulfill his role, that's all that matters.
Konan turns and chases down the perpetrator, ignoring his justification of the insane profit gained. Itachi ignores Kisame gossiping to Tobi about how an Ame nin knelt and bowed before Konan unprompted.

A bit closer to home, the clans in general are getting antsy at the aftermath of the incident. The civilian population are asking if they could perform similar feats to the Last Uchiha, and are and fear are but two sides of the same coin…
Shimura Danzo is overall very pleased with certain events. First the Uchiha manages to prove Tobirama-sensei right once again, he managed to advance some of his plans, and he even got to set the shrieking council on the Old Monkey today, which is always good for a laugh.
Hiruzen Sarutobi, the Third Hokage, the one rooted to this damn chair, is not having a good time right now. His reputation has been diminished due to the now worldwide public incident featuring Sasuke and Naruto due to the concept of vicarious liability. No one is taking the mission to clean up the field, even trying to post missions to preserve it for at least the Chunin Exams.
Danzo's being not just a little shit, but a slippery little shit, he has released those shrieking harpies once again.
The Civilian Council are a bunch of delusional idiots that Danzo enjoys setting on him to cover up his unscrupulous activities, or for kicks, it depends on the timing. They believe themselves an official body, only because he pays them more than the time of day. In reality, they are little more than a picketing front Hiruzen allows to exist as a funnel for the voices of irritating busybodies that would otherwise spark civil unrest within Konoha to spite him. Danzo, in particular, likes to prank him by letting them loose once in a while, which is at least better than actually disrupting the proceedings of governing Konoha, but he could do something more normal, like painting graffiti all over the Hokage monument. Then again, dealing with this "Council" is more annoying, which is probably why Danzo does it.
Worst of all there's all this paperwork! Most of the fault of the Uchiha's involvement in the incident, but there's also the standard load he has to deal with, too.
He is going to have to postpone plans for ramen with Naruto until a later date. And Hiruzen isn't the only unhappy camper.
The door swung open. In the doorway is Konohamaru.
"You lied!"
No, worse, Konohamaru. I failed. I'm sorry.

Glaring fear into the brat who just left the office, who happened to be the Hokage's grandson, right before walking into the Hokage's office to talk with him, was probably not the optimal move. Sasuke stands before the desk filled with stacks of paper, each being worked on methodically and added to one of the piles.
After a near uncomfortable amount of minutes, the old geezer finally deigns to look at him. Honestly, why give him the third degree and house arrest, while restricting his training time, if you're not going to get things over with swiftly?
"One of my sensei, Tobirama, the Second Hokage, always told me and my teammates that the Uchiha brought nothing but trouble." Fury wrapped Sasuke up in its thorn laden armor. Is bringing his family into it the first shot of everyone these days?
"I never took to that sentiment, but you had to go and prove him right. A shameful display for your family, Uchiha. Mikoto would be disappointed in you, and I'm sure Fugaku would as well." The armor shattered under the sudden quenching of cold dread that filled Sasuke from the bottom up, before that chill boiled white-hot in familiar anger.
"Now, this was going to be written off as a 'boys will be boys' incident, but the story managed to spread world-wide somehow. You're famous, Sasuke, and for all the wrong reasons. And since you decided to commit a ridiculous degree of arson right after you put on that headband, that shade is being thrown at me, too. If I had my way, I'd reach over this desk and rip it off from your forehead right this second!"
The Hokage didn't need to shout to rattle the windows. His raw anger did it for him.
"Unfortunately, nepotism wins again, and the Genin assignments have already been decided. After this, you are to head straight home. Until you head back to the Academy for assignment, you will be tailed by an ANBU operative to ensure you don't start training and cause more mass arson."
That would not do. "Maintain my house-arrest if you want, but let me have my training time back then. You know that I need to kill Him."
"And here I thought you intended to kill Itachi, not Naruto-kun"
Ah, yeah. This old guy does actually have a personal stake in this. Not ideal.
"Let me be clear, Genin Sasuke Uchiha: You do not make demands of me. I am the Hokage. I make demands of you."
…This was going to be a long talk, wasn't it?

---

After Faction Phase: Time Phase:
Roll for how long until a big mission/story beat.--nulled, next turn is immediate.

Spoiler: Character Sheets

Spoiler: Naruto

Naruto Uzumaki:
Stamina 4
Prankster VIII (+40 to Stealth, Ambush or Messing with Someone. Will occasionally go out of the way to mess with someone. (Up to lvl 10))
Ladykiller I (+5 interacting with females. (Up to 10))
Teacher I (+10 when in a tutoring position. Up to 3)
Genin (+5 all conflict related rolls)
The Finisher! II (An attempt on the supposedly last action to finish a long task or battle will gain +20)
Ashes and Dust I (The round after you survive an attack, gain +5 per stamina lost in the previous round) (Up to 3)
Face The Flames/In the Shadow of Fire (+5 against Fire Style Masters and Fire Style Jutsu. Reduces effectiveness of Ablaze malus by 5.)
Shadow Clone: Cost Stamina (lol Uzumaki lol Kurama lol Naruto), gain 1d4+1 clones, advantage dice*clones until they're popped. Will take attacks for main, unless a crit scatters them all
Sexy Jutsu: Rolls to inflict DC: Counter'd/15/Failed/45/Distracted/75/injury nosebleed (distract malus + free action)/95/flying nosebleed IKO. +10 to "perverts"
Harem Jutsu: Sexy Jutsu but roll 1d100 + d12 per clone
Substitution: contest roll to dodge. 1 round cooldown
Transform: +10 to stealth roll, [can change form physically.]
Transform: Log Trick! (On a successful cast of substitution, roll to transform into the substituted object and successfully deceive the attacker. Then, you can roll to ambush the opponent.)
Demon Wind Bomb (Attack the opponent for 30/50/70/90, Using Transformation's bonus +0. On a Critical Fail, get counter-hit (not a problem with clones). Otherwise, even with Fail, Attempt to attack a second time, getting easier the better the first throw's success was.)

Spoiler: Sasuke

Sasuke Uchiha:
Stamina 3, Speed 2
Avenger X (+50 to training rolls. Always +1 level up roll after combat. -50 to any attempt to stall or impede vengeance. Does not actually boost rolls against target.) (Target: Itachi)
Fuelled by Hate I (+5 to conflict rolls. -5 to social rolls. Will seek out conflict and hold grudges. (Out of 10))
Uchiha Privilege II (+10 to everything unless contested against someone racist against Uchiha, or other Uchiha.)
Fire Style Training I (+5 to Fire Style Jutsu)
Genin (+5 all conflict related rolls)
Power of Prodigy III (The first attempt or round will have +30)
Grand Fireball (Deal Damage (30/50/70/90) and inflict an Ablaze Malus (-10) Strong enough to suffer a minus -5 malus right now after use.)
Shuriken Arts (Roll to deal damage. does not use speed or strength mods, but the enemy's speed mod is deducted. 30/55/80 (0/1/2 damage.))
Substitution: contest roll to dodge. 2 round cooldown
Transform: +10 to stealth roll

Sigh, here's a Part 1 Sakura Character Sheet.

Spoiler: Sakura

Sakura Haruno:
Stamina 2, Speed 1
Sasuke Fanclub III (+30 when assisting Sasuke, -15 when being assisted by others.)
Genin (+5 all conflict related rolls)
Book-Brained IV (+20 to Int roll, -5 to Physical Roll)
Power of Prodigy I (The first attempt or round will have +10)
Clone Jutsu (gain 1d4 clones, next turn, enemy has a -5 to hitting user per clone.)
Substitution: contest roll to dodge. 2 round cooldown
Transform: +10 to stealth roll

Kakashi next turn.

Spoiler: Dev Notes

Lingering:
Naruto is training and prank happy,
Konohamaru never learned the Sexy Jutsu but is otherwise canon.
Ebisu is gone until at least past the Chunin Exams.
Mizu is also going to be indisposed for a couple of arcs.
Naruto and Hinata actually talk when they can. Ganbare Hinata
Hinata has a safe-space in Ichiraku, if you're fine with being shipped with your crush by the owner's daughter. (Hinata very much is.)
Ino's really, fucking, rattled. (Naruto v Sasuke, burnt field, strange man crashed through the roof of the shop during her shift, and more.)
Ino's also concerned over how uncharacteristically active Shikamaru is around her and Chouji.
Shikamaru is uncharacteristically active.
Choji is a Chadji.
Iruka now knows Log Trick and has a way to study Naruto's peculiar brand of transformation.
Man, it's like everyone knows about the "Burning Field 18 Incident."
Iwa's popping off, and the money's flowing.
Sand's popping off and no longer almost dead, just nearly dying.
Kusa's basically Oto 2.
Taki's basically dead (next turn, unless they crit.)
Yu's getting it together. And they will not take chances on others spitting on their hospitality next time.
Unrelated, but the Land of Hot Water in general has banned Jashinism. Practitioners will be prosecuted and sentenced to being bound until death by starvation/dehydration.
ROOT will make attempts to stalk Sasuke, even on missions.
ROOT will make attempts to stalk Naruto, even on missions.
The Civilian Council! The Civilian Council is real! Mainly because letting them think they have power is better than having them try to attain power.

Events to be resolved:
Hokage's Notes for Romance and Talking to Women
The Third owes Naruto an apology/explanation after team selection, but that's for next turn. (Postponed)
Team selections (Canon teams.)
Taki's about to die. What happens to Fuu?
Hero Water Hunt (Root, Orochimaru, Underworld)
Ame-nin are working HARDer than ever.
Unrelated, but Particular "Konan the Angel" pictures have been spreading. If this was the NSFW board… I'd show you which exactly.
Yu episode?
Gato's hold on Wave has strengthened.
Gato intends to use Hero Water'd Mercs instead of Missing nin. "Cheaper and safer."
Iwa's Gold Rush
Greenhouse
>Danzo would try to poison a freaking oasis. He's an asshole like that.
Sand's Treasure Ruin
Sand's Oasis Canal
Sand's Secret Project? Puppet Rideables/Mechas/Gundams/Armoured Cores
"ROOT tailing Sasuke attempts"
"ROOT tailing Naruto attempts"
"ROOT's 'Tobirama was right' campaign"
(If someone puts Hero Water in Wave's water supply, the bandits are going to go nuts. As will the Wave citizens. It's going to be a bloodbath.)

 

[NooneImportant]

Spoiler: Naruto before Turn 2

Naruto Uzumaki:
Stamina 4
Prankster VIII (+40 to Stealth, Ambush or Messing with Someone. Will occasionally go out of the way to mess with someone. (Up to lvl 10))
Ladykiller I (+5 interacting with females. (Up to 10))
Teacher I (+10 when in a tutoring position. Up to 3)
Genin (+5 all conflict related rolls)
The Finisher! II (An attempt on the supposedly last action to finish a long task or battle will gain +20)
Ashes and Dust I (The round after you survive an attack, gain +5 per stamina lost in the previous round) (Up to 3)
Face The Flames/In the Shadow of Fire (+5 against Fire Style Masters and Fire Style Jutsu. Reduces effectiveness of Ablaze malus by 5.)
Shadow Clone: Cost Stamina (lol Uzumaki lol Kurama lol Naruto), gain 1d4+1 clones, advantage dice*clones until they're popped. Will take attacks for main, unless a crit scatters them all
Sexy Jutsu: Rolls to inflict DC: Counter'd/15/Failed/45/Distracted/75/injury nosebleed (distract malus + free action)/95/flying nosebleed IKO. +10 to "perverts"
Harem Jutsu: Sexy Jutsu but roll 1d100 + d12 per clone
Substitution: contest roll to dodge. 1 round cooldown
Transform: +10 to stealth roll, [can change form physically.]
Transform: Log Trick! (On a successful cast of substitution, roll to transform into the substituted object and successfully deceive the attacker. Then, you can roll to ambush the opponent.)
Demon Wind Bomb (Attack the opponent for 30/50/70/90, Using Transformation's bonus +0. On a Critical Fail, get counter-hit (not a problem with clones). Otherwise, even with Fail, Attempt to attack a second time, getting easier the better the first throw's success was.)

Spoiler: Sasuke before Turn 2

Sasuke Uchiha:
Stamina 3, Speed 2
Avenger X (+50 to training rolls. Always +1 level up roll after combat. -50 to any attempt to stall or impede vengeance. Does not actually boost rolls against target.) (Target: Itachi)
Fuelled by Hate I (+5 to conflict rolls. -5 to social rolls. Will seek out conflict and hold grudges. (Out of 10))
Uchiha Privilege II (+10 to everything unless contested against someone racist against Uchiha, or other Uchiha.)
Fire Style Training I (+5 to Fire Style Jutsu)
Genin (+5 all conflict related rolls)
Power of Prodigy III (The first attempt or round will have +30)
Grand Fireball (Deal Damage (30/50/70/90) and inflict an Ablaze Malus (-10) Strong enough to suffer a minus -5 malus right now after use.)
Shuriken Arts (Roll to deal damage. does not use speed or strength mods, but the enemy's speed mod is deducted. 30/55/80 (0/1/2 damage.))
Substitution: contest roll to dodge. 2 round cooldown
Transform: +10 to stealth roll

Spoiler: Sakura before Turn 2

Sakura Haruno:
Stamina 2, Speed 1
Sasuke Fanclub III (+30 when assisting Sasuke, -15 when being assisted by others.)
Genin (+5 all conflict related rolls)
Book-Brained IV (+20 to Int roll, -5 to Physical Roll)
Power of Prodigy I (The first attempt or round will have +10)
Clone Jutsu (gain 1d4 clones, next turn, enemy has a -5 to hitting user per clone.)
Substitution: contest roll to dodge. 2 round cooldown
Transform: +10 to stealth roll

Spoiler: Kakashi's Tenative stats

Kakashi Hatake:
Stamina 3, Speed 4
Jonin (+20 all conflict related rolls)
Sharingan {0, III} (Multiply Effective Speed modifier by 2. +10 to Genjutsu rolls. Increases combat exp gains for every +100 Crit in combat, and when triggered, adds the opponent's jutsu to the pool for that roll.)
Lightning Style Training III (+15 to Lightning Style Jutsu)
Power of Prodigy IV (The first attempt or round will have +40)
Grand Fireball (Deal Damage (30/50/70/90) and inflict an Ablaze Malus (-10))
Summon: Dog
Earth Style: Tracking Fang
Clone Jutsu (gain 1d4 clones, next turn, enemy has a -5 to hitting user per clone.)
Substitution: contest roll to dodge. 2 round cooldown
Transform: +10 to stealth roll
1000 Years of Death: On an Ambush attack critical, stun the opponent.
Chidori: A Contest Roll to Wound. Damage increases with Degrees of Success, but user's roll (before bonuses) is halved without an active Sharingan. (40/60/80/100)
Body Flicker: Fast Travel, Increases initiating Ambush chance by 10

Oh boy here we go. Personally, I think Kakashi is a great guy in all aspects except teaching. (Except in Shippuden and Boruto, where he is a pretty neat trainer when he gets the chance; one of his good aspects is the ability to have character development and learn from his mistakes.)
This man should not (at this point in time) be supervising kids for reasons he both recognises and doesn't.
Unfortunately, I'm flanderizing him in this, so he may be an Aizawa-tier shit teacher.

---

​

DICERUTO
Turn 2a
This is the part where we play the first 10-ish seconds of Hound R*O*C*K*S​

(Again, you can't expect quality.)​

The aura in the classroom was heavy enough to eat. But Choji was more nervous than he was hungry. Sasuke and Naruto stared each other down at the front, before Sasuke moved to the front and center of the class, Daring Naruto to sit in the usual spot.

Very Hard: (40/60/80/100) {72} Success!

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Naruto, uncharacteristically, decided to not rise to the challenge. He did flinch and grit his teeth as all the fangirls in the room screamed over "Sasuke-kun" being so cool that he scared Naruto off, but the reality was that Naruto just decided to be the better man, for once, anyways. Choji slipped a subtle approving nod to Naruto that placed a little smile on his face, before he turned to Hinata, who floundered slightly before shifting seats so that Naruto could slide in.

Very Hard: (40/60/80/100) {79}+10 Great Success!

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Amazingly, Hinata doesn't go red and fall over like normal. And when Naruto glared at the back of Sasuke's head, tempted, Hinata held her hand over his, causing him to look back and calm down. They don't talk though, but maybe this isn't the time for talking.
Sakura and Ino start arguing over who gets to sit near Sasuke, who has two open seats next to him.

Hard (he's not paying attention.) (35/55/75/95) {18}-5(Fuelled by Hate)+10(Uchiha Privilege) …heh.
(Sakura Sasuke collab is now Hard difficulty)
(Ino Sasuke collab is now Hard difficulty)

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If he hadn't trained himself to tune out the harpies, Sasuke might have shifted seats to the left or right. But he seems to be looking down, into himself, and not paying much attention to anything outside. Not even Kiba shouting across the room that there were two seats next to Sasuke available snapped him out of his brooding.
The only point where Sasuke did have a clue was when he felt physical contact on his sides. The two girls were teetering between biting each other's heads off over Sasuke's head and pressing themselves against him whispering 'sweet nothings' or whatever, generally disgusting him. Unfortunately, he couldn't just violently shove the two away and escape to another seat. Even if there was an available empty seat, the only one who would allow him to sit is a diehard fangirl, and then he's back to square one.
This scene would go well with some popcorn. Oh well. Potato chips will do fine.

"Alright, quiet down!" Iruka walks in the door, glaring at Sakura and Ino in particular to properly stay in their seats. He looks awfully grave.
Their former teacher explains the basic structure, teams of three Genin, one Jonin, no, unfortunately, all assignments are final. The remorseful look on Iruka's face peeking at Naruto at that last part gave off a concerning feeling.
He then answered questions such as: "Yes, Naruto is supposed to be here: he unintentionally completed an important mission and was graduated so the mission could go on his Genin file."
"No, Mizuki isn't here, he's in prison." "You will find out your assignments soon. Whether or not you are teamed with Sasuke, not paired, you will find out then." "The Jonin are to pick you up from here after this."
And most damning: "The Hokage generally has the biggest say on all these assignments, but due to clan or political… this isn't the right term but I'll use 'pressure,' the Jonin have a major voice in who they will accept on their team… And who with." Everyone was still at those words, and people with a clue started to brace for an explosion.
"That said, it's time for your teams." Everyone perked up and fixed their posture in anticipation. Oddly, Iruka listed up to Team 6, then started counting down from 11.
"Team 10, under Asuma Sarutobi: Ino Yamanaka, Shikamaru Nara, Chouji Amikichi." Neither of them didn't expect this, not even a pouty, complaining Ino actually protested this inevitable assignment.
"Team 9 is still in circulation." Suddenly Shikamaru rose up, eyes wide, visibly panicked, and then ducked under his table, hands covering his ears. Chouji, confused, followed suit.
"Team 8, under Kurenai Yuhi: Kiba Inuzuka, Hinata Hyuga, Shino Aburame." Ino and Shino got the clue. Ino sprinted to the back of the classroom to hide, to the pause of everyone, and understanding of Iruka. Shino merely slid down his chair. Hinata covered her mouth in shock and sadness, which initially put Kiba off until with his superior hearing ability, overheard Hinata's consolation to a twitching Naruto who was visibly struggling to contain himself. He swiveled to Sasuke and Sakura at the front who were starting to realize the three names left, then leaped over the desks behind him to join Shikamaru and Choji. Others in the classroom started to brace or cover their ears, and the few closest to Sasuke and Sakura could only brace over and pray.
"Team 7, under Kakashi Hatake: Naruto Uzumaki, Sakura Haruno, Sasuke Uchiha." Iruka immediately copied Kiba and dived behind his desk.

"…Alright, as for you three, pull out a book or something. Kakashi'll take a while."
"He has the audacity to put this asshole and I together, but not the decency to show up on time?"
"Nope. No he doesn't, Naruto."
"Can I go visit the old man if I have time?"
"Sorry, Naruto. You might have time, but Lord Hokage won't right now. Find something to occupy yourself if you can. The only thing I can say to you three is if he doesn't show up sometime today, you may have a case to change teams."
Iruka leaves the three in the classroom.

>How late does Kakashi? {47} An hour.

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Sakura, ironically, is the first to lose patience, resting her head in her arms. Naruto get bored before Sasuke is done stalling by brooding.

>Naruto's prank roll (Very Hard): {26}+40(Prankster VIII) Bare Success

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Sakura and Sasuke seem to prefer spending their time trying to prevent Naruto from making a mess, until the 40 minute mark passed and they agreed to let him do his own thing. In the end, Naruto only had the confidence in his supposed sensei's lateness to cover an eraser in chalk dust. If he had more time, he could've done an entire stack of blackboard erasers, but he made do.
A man with silver hair walked right in and barely noticed his new white-er hair dye.
"My first impression of you guys…"

{57} (Very Easy) (20/40/60/80)

Click to shrink...

"You might be worth my time. Maybe"

Naruto's (VH) (40/60/80/100) {18}-10(Willingly put himself and Sasuke on the same team) Critical/Major Fail
Sasuke's (H) (35/55/75/95) {57}-10(Willingly put himself and Naruto on the same team)-5(Fuelled by Hate)+10(Uchiha Privilege) Fail
Sakura's (M) (30/50/70/90) {41}+15(Willingly put herself and Sasuke on the same team)-10(Willingly put herself and Naruto on the same team) Bare Success

Click to shrink...

All three Genin were disapproving of his demeanor, but only Naruto vocalized.
"If you thought we weren't worth your time, why did you decide to pick us for your team?"
"Hey now," the man placates, "the Hokage picks the teams. Bring it up with him if you hate it so much."
"The old man is not nearly stupid enough to put me and the bastard together after last week, so it must've been you!"
"Congratulations, detective: what are you gonna do about it?" Kakashi taunts. "Let's take this to the roof."
The Jonin stands on the edge of the roof. Across from him the Genin line up in a row.
"So, as a little icebreaker, let's introduce ourselves. For example:"

Spoiler: Kakashi Hatake

*Insert photo of scarecrow here. This is an ideas thread, not a dedicated story thread*

"I'm Kakashi Hatake. I have some likes and dislikes, and I have many hobbies. My dreams remain a mystery to you."
"Sir, you only told us your name." The pink one raises her hand like it's a classroom.
"No, I gave you a template. How about you start, miss?"

Spoiler: Sakura Haruno

*Insert photo of specific kind of flowering tree here. No dedication allowed.*

Girls at this age care more about love than ninjutsu…
"I'm Sakura Haruno. I love Sasuke! And I hate Naruto. My hobbies… I do like to read. Reading is nice. And my dream…" The girl blushes and buries her head in her hands. She peeks to her side and sees an indifferent Sasuke not even turned in her direction.
Girls at this age care more about love than ninjutsu… And this one's no different. The reading tidbit is nice, though.
Kakashi hints at the one in the blue shirt. "And you, Mr. Heartthrob?"

Spoiler: Sasuke Uchiha

Insert a paper fan here*

This one doesn't bother looking up. He'll probably mention something about his life revolving around his brother.
"My name, is Sasuke Uchiha. I do not like anyone and I barely like anything. In fact, I hate a lot of things. I do not have a dream: I have a goal to make reality. There is a certain monster beyond these walls I must kill. I do not have free time to spend in any way but to achieve that goal."
Quite the edgelord we have here. Exactly as expected, to be honest.
Kakashi turns to the Orange. "And lucky last…"

Spoiler: Naruto Uzumaki

*Insert photo of orange packaged cup ramen here*

This one will be hyperactive, and Ramen-brained, and Kakashi will eat his book if he doesn't mention Hokage at least twice… Okay, at least once.
"Naruto Uzumaki. But you already knew that if you went out of your way to make me suffer." Hold on. "I like ramen, although the three minutes it takes to cook sucks. I also like Iruka-sensei, Konohamaru, Old Man Hokage, Hinata-chan, Sakura-chan, Chouji and the Ichirakus." Naruto counts the number of people he likes on his fingers. "The feeling isn't mutual!" Sakura shouts, causing Naruto to sadly lower one of his fingers, although he is still amazed he managed to use more than a single hand to count his friends, if barely.
"Aww, what about me?" Kakashi teases.
Naruto's uncharacteristic glare is unsettling. "I only hate two people. The only person I hate more than Sasuke is you! And only because you are forcing us together!" Oh. This is a problem. The amount of vitriol Minato's son sent at Kakashi disturbed him so much, he barely noticed Sasuke actually turned his attention to Naruto at his declaration.
Naruto forces himself to calm down, to mixed results. "I also am not a fan of fire, which is kind of awkward with the name of the country we're in. Also, because I want to become the Hokage, Fire Shadow, so people stop looking down on me all the time."
Naruto is only in some ways how Kakashi expected, and nothing like Obito. Holding in all that anger, some towards him? Was this a mistake?
No. It will work. This team has to be fine. The formula has never failed before.

---

"Okay! So here's the deal: I still need to decide if I want to keep you as Genin-"
"Again, why did you pick this team, then?"
"I mean, as in should you be Genin at all."
The chorus of three simultaneous "WHAT?!"s was music to Kakashi's ears.
"This is an actual thing. You can ace the Graduation all you want, but if the Jonin decides you aren't Genin material, you're not a Genin."
Kakashi let the children squabble and complain before continuing over them.
"Training Ground Three, Eight am, people! I recommend you don't eat breakfast if you don't want to lose it. I'll see you there." Kakashi vanished in a cloud of smoke, leaving three kids on the roof of a tall building. What a guy.

Naruto's setup {18}+40(Prankster)+5(Genin) Prankster Carries
Sasuke's setup {35}+5(Genin)+5(Fuelled by Hate)+10(Uchiha Privilege) Uchiha Moment
Sakura's setup {42}+5(Genin) Part 1 Sakura Moment

Click to shrink...

Naruto ended up eating Ramen out of stress and spite, momentarily forgetting to not eat. He ends up spending an hour trying to make himself throw up before deciding to burn all the energy he gained at breakfast to make the test "fair."
Sasuke didn't need food and could subsist on pure rage alone, but chowed down on a tomato on the way to the ground out of spite.
Sakura went on a diet, for her diet, that morning's breakfast, out of concern for Kakashi's ominous words.

(Sakura: -1 Stamina this fight)
{65}+20(Jonin)

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Naruto notes that the Clones he left to rig the Ground have not sent the all clear. Kakashi must've popped them before they got the chance to set up. That said, it was half-past eleven when the Jonin finally deigned to appear.
The chorus of three simultaneous "You're late!"s was music to Kakashi's ears.
"Sorry, I got sidetracked. Had to do a little cleaning up at home before we got started. Someone could've been hurt in the mess."
"Liar!" Sakura calls him out. Sasuke and Naruto merely glare at him. One in general frustration, and one in specific suspicion.

"Don't worry, though. This test will be nice and quick, we'll be done by noon." The masked man pulls out two silver bells. "Here's the deal: Take a bell off of me and you keep your headband. Otherwise, I'll drag you back to the Academy kicking and screaming."
Sakura is scandalized by the implied instructions, "Wait: you expect us to fight you, a Jonin?"
"Well, yes. I do expect you to try. Anyways, you have until noon." Kakashi confirms his expectation of their behavior. (These children are tired, hungry, and clueless in different degrees of each, and did not understand the hidden meanings of his instructions.)
The Genin candidates realize the situation they're in: Kakashi tried to screw them over by wasting time so they only have less than half an hour to fight a Jonin, and they haven't had breakfast or lunch, right before participating in a very strenuous battle. And Sasuke spies a concerning detail with his eyes.
"Hold on," Sasuke interrupts, "There are only two bells. When we take them from you, one of us won't have one."
"Lookie here, someone can do basic math." Kakashi avoids the implied question. "That's one question from each of you, what's yours, Naruto?"

>Can Naruto resist the urge to be a little shit? (Very Hard) {NAT 69}+/-40 Not on his life! Nat 69, you KNOW I've gotta do it…

Click to shrink...

"Just one:" Naruto punches his open palm, before his hands suddenly form a seal. The field is covered in smoke all of a sudden.

I asked the internet, Kakashi legally counts as a pervert.
Sexy Jutsu: Rolls to inflict DC: Counter'd/15/Failed/45/Distracted/75/injury nosebleed (distract malus + free action)/95/flying nosebleed IKO. +10 to "perverts"
{59}+40(Prankster OP)+10(Nice, Nat 69)+10(Pervert)
All are equal under the power of cute girls on call. Except for the one with the cute girls, that one is always on top.
>{85}+19
>>{65}+4 = 69 Get fucked, Hatake. Actually, Kakashi, no. I'm sorry about this one, but it's hilarious. (Also, he only had 3 Stamina. Double crit + nice means he was doomed from the start.)

Click to shrink...

"May I please have a bell, Ka-ka-sen-sei?" A young, sultry, feminine voice echoes from the fading smoke.
*Insert "(In)appropriate picture that would've be added"/"if this was the NSFW Board…" here.*
Naru(ko?) gracefully leans back and limbos the twin red streams that passed over her, baring herself to the world as a work of art.
Kakashi himself is sent flying, violently crashing into a tree. The bells on the ground next to where he took off.
"I-I wasn't expecting you to do that though. P-Points for creativity."
He loses the fight to get up and stay awake, and slumps down, knocked out.

{59}+20(Jonin)-20(Double Crit)-5(Nice)-10(Man got f'ing JUMPED)-10(Like, Holy SHEET) = 34
Kakashi's f'king dead (metaphorically.)

Sasuke & Sakura
Collateral Rolls:
Sasuke: {18}/2(Not the Target)+(20)Double Crit Collateral+5(Nice)+40(Prankster)-5(Fuelled by hate)
=9+60 = 69 Imma giggle a little. …It'd be funny if Sasuke actually developed a libido from this.
{35}-5(HateFuel)+20(2Crit)+5(Nice) Not today. Ok, he is not a pervert, and not hot for the Sexy Jutsu's form, but he now is aware of womanly wiles. "If you really think about it, I did you a favor." - Naruto, right before Sasuke tries to roast him again.
Sakura: {8}/4(Not the Target or Demographic)+(20)Double Crit Collateral+40(Prankster)+5(Nice)+5(Ladykiller1)
=2+70
Prankster's going to carry this whole run, isn't it. Allowing Sexy Jutsu to scale Prankster is a mistake, but it's really funny. No "awakening" roll for Sakura, that was only because of the 69 result.

Click to shrink...

Even Sasuke and Sakura are slack-jawed, and it's a toss up between if it's because of the visage of a beautiful nude woman or how she unquestionably one-shotted an elite Jonin, as both of them are blushing a little.
They eventually recover as Naruto replaces the splendor of bare feminine beauty.
WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? Sakura demands, super red-faced and scandalized.
…And why did it work? Sasuke questions, surprisingly non-combative, even introspective.

"Well," Naruto picks up the bells, "Kakashi was half-lying all of today and yesterday, right? So we can't trust a single word that comes out of his stupid lying mouth, right?" Naruto leverages his limited teaching experience to maintain Sakura's and Sasuke's interest as he walks them through his thought process.
"So, we were supposed to pay attention to what he wasn't saying." It seems to be working, considering they were slowly nodding in comprehension instead of ignoring him.
"In this case, he said he expected us to fight him, not that we had to if we wanted a bell."
Naruto gestures to Sakura, a tactic to encourage engagement Iruka-sensei taught him. "I mean, you already established that directly brawling with a Jonin is a stupid idea, and if I'm not stupid to fall for that, no one is."
"Unless he weakens us, reducing our ability to think critically…" Sasuke gets a clue,
"And then guides us by mentioning one option and avoiding any other approach!" As does Sakura. Internally, Naruto pats himself on the back.
"So, instead of fighting him, like he expected, I just 'asked politely.'" He finishes.

"So, explain that." Sasuke demands, gesturing to the crumpled "elite ninja," where a branch conveniently fell on top of right then to emphasize his point.
"Just a little persuasion," Naruto shrugs, "just to be sure."
"A bit too effective to be called 'a little' persuasion…" Sakura snarks.
Sasuke continues to question Naruto. "You didn't try that against me…"
"Would it have worked?"
Sasuke takes a little too long to answer. "…No. I don't think it would."
"That's why I didn't bother. I'm stubborn, not stupid."
Naruto lets Sasuke's label of "also insane" wash over him, as Sakura realizes something else off about this whole test.

"Wait! He also said we'd have a headband if we get a bell, and be sent to the Academy if we don't, but nothing concrete about our Genin status!"
At that realization, Naruto and Sasuke's faces mirrored each other: shock, then angry grit teeth.
"So he can pass or fail us no matter how we would've performed." Sasuke mutters.
"I no longer feel any shame or regret in bypassing this entire hazing attempt" Naruto declares with self-satisfied zen. Sasuke would normally detest this level of smugness on Naruto's face, but he'll let it slide.

"Well, if we were to keep our headbands, we probably have to stay Genin to allow that. Unless the Hokage says otherwise, but then it's out of Kakashi's hands." He reaches a hand out to Naruto, palm up. "Give me a bell, Naruto."
"Hold on," Naruto holds a hand up, "I've got an idea!" Sasuke considered ignoring Naruto, but then the grinning orange-clad Genin continued. "This way, Kakashi can't bully the one without a bell without us being able to cry foul!"

Cooperation: (Very Hard) {65}+10(Uchiha Privilege)+5(Genin)-5(Fuelled by Hatred)+10("Distracted" stops him from interfering.) Clean success.
Transform (E): {35}+10(Transform)+40(Prankster) = 85 Crit Success!
>{64}+0=Bare Success!

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"…Continue." Sasuke slowly nods, probably against his better judgment according to Naruto's growing grin, as the prankster puts his fingers into a cross sign…
In Naruto's hands are three, identical silver bells. Sasuke takes the known fake and shakes it, receiving silence. He then shakes another bell, and Naruto balks when he hears a distinct chime. The fake vanishes into smoke, as Naruto makes a new counterfeit, this one also making the proper noise when shaken, as well as the previous visual and tactile conformity.
Sasuke takes the bells and shuffles them between his hands at speeds neither Naruto or Sakura could track himself looking away from his handwork. He holds the set out, Sakura and Naruto taking one.
Sakura writes a note and sets it at Kakashi's side. Naruto then takes it and sticks it to Kakashi's face.
The first thing Kakashi sees when he comes to is neat handwriting detailing: "It's noon. Time's up. We're waiting at the Hokage Tower."

Speaking of the Hokage. He was watching. Poor dude, he isn't even trying to be actively a perv and he still keeps getting the full monty:
1d100/2(Not the Target)+(20)Double Crit Collateral+5(Nice)+40(Prankster)+10(Pervert)
{88}(Oh dear. Not again.)/2+75=44+75=119
>{93}+19=112 Hehehehe
>>{86}+12=98 HAHAHAHAHA (Oh baby a TRIPLE (Crit!)) Hold on, weren't there other Jonin in the room waiting for Kakashi before they gave their reports? I know just how to write this…

Click to shrink...

When the Genin walked into the Hokage office, they walked into chaos: elite ninja were screaming, some were jumping around, some on the ground, some were even laughing like mad men, and Blood. Was. Everywhere! Also, the Hokage was on the ground, in his chair fallen backwards, in a pool of his own blood. On his desk was a glass ball, inside the image of Kakashi against the trunk of the tree was displayed.

"Old Man! What happened?" Naruto cries, running to his side. The aged leader stirs, being helped up by his honorary grandson and actual son, Asuma.
"You happened, punk." Asuma grins, from across the Hokage. There is a distinct red handprint plastered on the side of his face.
Naruto looks at the ball on the desk and realizes what happened "AGAIN?"
"This has happened before?" Sasuke asks, bound to the doorway into the office.
"This is the third time, Old Man!"
"This has happened three times?" Sakura questions, dumbstruck.
"Hello, Naruto." The Hokage weakly answers. "As you can see, we were waiting on Kakashi so we could hear his assessment. As he was taking a while -which is of no one's surprise- we decided to see what was taking so long."
"We were a little surprised when he hadn't even started by eleven, although he was spending extra time hunting down your clones, probably as some kind of punishment for you, although in a real mission context, good work." While he continues addressing Naruto, the Hokage nods in greeting at the other Genin approaching in trepidation.
"It was nothing." Naruto rubs the back of his head, sheepishly. "I was just bored."
"And your boredom is something to be feared." the old man jokes. "As is your Jutsu. Did you know that the Harem Jutsu is legally a kinjutsu now? There may be a motion to extend that to the Sexy Jutsu."
"Nice!" Naruto cheers.
"What's the Harem Jutsu?" Sakura is compelled to ask, despite being terrified of the answer.
"Just the Sexy Jutsu, multiplied by all of my shadow clones all at once." Naruto calmly boasts.
"Naruto has been recorded summoning hundreds of shadow clones at once." Hiruzen unhelpfully adds.
"That's what I thought!" Sakura wails, ducking down hand on her head.
"Since that specific event, he has been asked to keep it down to four or five if he can." Hiruzen helpfully adds.
"That does make me feel better." Sasuke notes, traumatized by either the thought of fighting one hundred annoyances back at the Ash Field, or one hundred annoyances transforming into naked women.
"So, the first time before I graduated, I knocked you out." Naruto lists, to the renewed shouting of everyone else in the room, "Then, I almost knocked you out as a side effect of getting that closet pervert." Sasuke looks at the Hokage, Naruto then down, thinking hard. "And then while one-shotting 'Elite Jonin' Kakashi, I took out pretty much a whole room of other Elite Jonin! Neat!" Naruto finished, proud of himself.
"Oh god, it's growing in scale!" Sakura cries, noting the dangerous trend.
"To be fair, it only really hit most of the room when you bent all the way back." The lady recognised as Kurenai (back at the team assignment) notes.
"Oh! I thought it would be cool to dodge the blood while showing off!"
"Cool? Try hot." Another woman jumps in. She has purple hair and brown eyes, and wears a tan coat and orange miniskirt over skin that's only covered by wire-laced fishnet. "That flexible showing really put the 'Sexy' in 'Sexy Jutsu.'"
Naruto nods at her, invested. "Huh. I should write that down so I can do that on purpose next time, then."
"Oh god it's going to get worse." Sakura deadpans, watching the two start bouncing more risque ideas between them.
"...Ms. Izumi!" Sasuke suddenly shouts, drawing confused attention.
"Itachi had a girlfriend. Before he went psycho, he almost seemed properly in love with her." Sasuke elaborates, building up steam. The others in the room started catching on the implication, discussing the viability of the suggestion.
To Naruto's jaw-dropped shock, Sasuke turns and bows to him. "Please teach me that Jutsu!"

{1}-5+20(For Vengeance.)+10(Uchiha) Shame about the Nat 1 though. It might've worked, too.

Click to shrink...

"No." A stern voice shut him down.
"But it could work!" Sasuke argues.
"No!" The voice repeats again.
"Lord Hokage, please!"
"No, Sasuke." The Hokage stands firm.
"I can't use Shadow Clones. I'll even promise not to combine the two."
"Sasuke." The Hokage has the Genin look him in the eyes. "If I let Naruto spread That Jutsu around willy-nilly, think of the consequences, Sasuke!"
The point shook Sasuke. After some consideration, he bows in apology to the Hokage, who just appreciated that Sasuke understands his stance.
'I need my Sharingan.' Sasuke plots. "The Hokage absolutely needs to stop Naruto from teaching That Jutsu, I totally understand. But his teaching it and me learning it are technically two different things. That's something Kakashi managed to teach."
"I'll be discretionary if I do get it."
"Anyway," the Hokage changes the topic, noting the empty field in the Scrying Orb, "What are you going to do about the bells?"
"Yes. What are you going to do?" A voice calls from the doorway. Kakashi has finally arrived. "There are two of them, so at least one of you isn't staying here."
"Well, of course. I intend to go home and sleep tonight." Naruto fires back, grin concerningly spreading across the team. "But what do you mean, two bells?"
Sakura holds up a peace sign, bell looped around her index finger.
Sasuke holds up his open palm, a bell resting in the center.
Naruto hands a bell between his pinched fingers, swinging a bell tauntingly.
In a single, swift, smooth movement, Kakashi snatches all of them from their hands. He inspects them all, shaking them, before irritably shoving them into his pouch. A wisp of smoke wafts out of that pouch.
"Well, I just took the bells back, so none of you are getting the lunches I made for you."
"We do not care. You probably poisoned them or something." Sakura rebukes.
"If you don't mind Ramen, lunch is on me!" Naruto offers.
"I'm on a diet, no thank you."
"Are any of you listening to me?" The scarecrow asks Sasuke.
"Of course not! The whole point of the test was not to trust a single word out of your mouth." Sasuke fires back mercilessly.
"...The point was to work together."
"And you encouraged that by going out of your way to try and separate us." Sakura says, pointing to the bells in Kakashi's pouch. "Why should we trust you again?"
"Why do we even have this guy?" Naruto complains to the Hokage.
"Because Kakashi put me in a position where every other team was stable except the one where he wanted you three, and then got the Jonin body to lobby until I had no choice." the old man immediately throws the culprits who challenged his authority under the bus. The Genin immediately swivel to glare at the sheepish or unfazed Jonin in the room.
"Hey, go forth and continue to torture him with our blessing!" the purplette shamelessly cheers.
"Will do." Sakura snarks.
The peanut gallery is laughing. Kakashi is getting roasted by his Genin and they're laughing. Monsters, all of them.
"Hey, you wanted this, and now there's no more room for shifting candidates around." Hiruzen says to a put out Kakashi. "Maybe if we had time to change things, but guess who took their time being late?"
Kakashi sighs. "Well, you definitely look underneath the underneath, and you are capable of colluding… close enough." Kakashi turns to the Genin and Hokage. "Team 7 passes. Training starts Monday at 8am. See you at Field Three then." He vanishes into smoke and leaves. The Genin look proud of themselves until Sasuke looks at Naruto and loses his cheer.
"We may have messed up."
The other ninja in the room turn to him, confused.
Sasuke turns to Naruto in particular. "We are now on a team together. We are now expected to work together, until at least we become Chunin. We are being expected to work together for a long while."
Naruto twitches. Even Sakura buries her face into her hands in shame. Naruto takes a deep breath, struggles to hold it and his anger, and strained, turns to the Hokage.
"Hey, Old Man? Can I have roof access for a bit, please?"
"Uh… Okay, Naruto. I'll see you at Ichiraku's later."
"Thanks." Naruto storms out of the office as politely as he could manage.
He turns to the other two Genin. "Naruto's lunch offer from earlier, it's now on me."

(VH) {14}+30(Hokage)+5(Genin)-5(Fuelled by Hate)=44 Fail Minor. He'll be there, but he won't be involved.
(VH) {64}+30(Hokage)+5(Genin)-15(Diet)+10(Hungry)=94 Clean Success. Her stomach made her decision for her.

Click to shrink...

"I'm not really a Ramen type of person."
"I'm on a diet, sorry Lord Hokage."
Both may have refused, but the rumbling complaints of Sakura's stomach was only shortly followed by Sasuke's.
"But you are people who eat food, yes? If you are going to do some strenuous activity such as ninja training and fill out, you will need the calories."
Sasuke ended up agreeing, as free, unpoisoned food is good food.
Sakura was about to keep refusing, balking at the idea of bulking up or filling out, when she thought back to Sasuke's reaction to Naruto's Sexy Jutsu earlier, and how he stared at how filled out he/she was.
"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"
Speaking of the devil, oh: that's why Naruto wanted roof access. Honestly, that's sort of fair.

Who's at the celebration? Naruto, Hiruzen, Ichirakus, Sasuke(Non-participant), Sakura.
1d4{2}
Potential Guest List:
Kakashi: Weighting:1
Ino: Weighting:1
Kiba: Weighting:1
Shino: Weighting:1
Shikamaru: Weighting:2
Choji: Weighting:3
Hinata: Weighting:3
Konohamaru: Weighting:4
Iruka: Weighting:4
2d20{5, 19} (Shikamaru and Iruka)
Ichiraku {56} Can't go wrong with the Classic Ichiraku Ramen
Naruto {73} Naturally, having the time of his life.
Sakura {79}+10(Clean Success) Has never felt this full. Will need to burn this off.
Hiruzen {14} His poor wallet…
Iruka {26} Deigned to buy his own ramen, here to vibe with Naruto.
Shikamaru {66} Understands the appeal of "just make good ramen."
Sasuke {43} Alright food, just too busy looking into himself to engage in the atmosphere.
(Naruto and Sakura's co-op difficulty has softened to "Hard!")
(Naruto and Sakura gain a Stat Training Level each!)
(Sakura gains a level up bonus!)
(Everyone present will gain +10 to training rolls next phase!) it's fair: this includes Sasuke.

Click to shrink...

Compared to Sasuke's single large bowl of Chicken, Sakura ended up ordering smaller bowls until she ended up eating more than Sasuke. Not nearly as much as Naruto, who ordered more bowls than Sakura, and larges, too. The Hokage's wallet is in shambles.
He, Iruka and even Shikamaru, who claimed to be there as a stand in for Choji as he digs into his regular Miso ramen, all end up providing nutritional and workout information to Sakura on how to build strength while working towards her preferred body type and staying there, with references to go follow in the Library. Sakura felt her world expand over a single dinner, and all she had to do was tolerate a stubborn knucklehead long enough for him to knock out a Jonin in one Jutsu. What a world. How is she going to explain today to mom and dad when she gets home?

---

Naruto Level Up:
Rolls: 1 (Victory) +2 (Double Crit) +1 (Collateral: Hokage+Room) +3(Triple Crit) +1 (Got the drop on a Jonin) +1 (Defeat and bully Kakashi: an Elite Jonin) +1 (Flawless Victory) = 10 (+1 Stat Point)
Stat:
Strength (Weight: 2)
Speed (Weight: 1)
Stamina (Weight: 3)
1d6 = 4 (+1 Stamina (-> 5))

Potential:
1: Sexy Jutsu
2: Prankster (it was a major cause of victory)
3: Shadow Clone Jutsu
4: Other Ability
5: Ability Synthesis
6: Passives
10d6: 1, 1, 3, 4, 2, 3, 1, 1, 6, 2 Jutsu so powerful, of course Naruto would lean into it! Wait shit double Prankster level. At least it's finally at max.
Sexy Jutsu +4
Prankster +2
Shadow Clone Jutsu +2
Other Ability +1
Passive +1
Prankster Level Up +2
Prankster:
Prankster X (+50 to Stealth, Ambush & Messing with Someone. Will occasionally go out of the way to mess with someone.) (MAX LEVEL)
Shadow Clone:
1-2: Minimum Clones per cast-> +1
3-4: Dice -> d6
5-6: +Dice -> 2d4
7: Synthesis: Clones can appear pre-transformed. Shadow Clone can Chain into Instant-Demon Wind Bomb
8: Synthesis: Clones can appear pre-transformed. Shadow Clone can Chain into Instant-Harem Jutsu
9: Synthesis: Successful Log Trick summons a Shadow Clone.
10: Synthesis: Naruto Uzumaki Barrage: (Functions like Harem Jutsu but a basic attack.)
2d10: 9, 10
Transform: Log Trick! (On a successful cast of substitution, roll to transform into the substituted object and successfully deceive the attacker. Then, you can roll to ambush the opponent. Creates a Shadow Clone.)
Naruto Uzumaki Barrage: Roll 1d100+d10 per clone to damage the opponent.

Sexy Jutsu:
1: Reduce Crit Fail Threshold -> 15
2: Reduce Failure Threshold -> 40
3: Reduce Success Threshold -> 70
4: Reduce Crit Success Threshold -> 90
5: Increase Pervert Killer Boost -> +15
6: Synthesis: Targeted transformation
4d6: 6, 2, 6, 5
Synthesis:
1: Reverse: targets those who like men
2: Twins: Spawns a Shadow Clone
3: Valentine: If the target has a known idol or lover, add double current Pervert Bonus.
4: Awakening: on crit, may permanently etch a "passive" on the victim.
2d4: 1, 4
Sexy Jutsu: Rolls to inflict DC: Counter'd/15/Failed/40/Distracted/75/injury nosebleed (distract malus + free action)/95/flying nosebleed IKO. +15 to "perverts"
Sexy Jutsu: Reverse: No more demographic penalty.
Sexy Jutsu: Awakening: When Sexy Jutsu crits, has a chance to add or 'strengthen' certain 'passives' in the victim.

Passive:
1: Ladykiller I -> II
2: Teacher I -> II
3: The Finisher! II -> III
4: Doppelgänger
5: Virgin Killer
6: Widespread Calamity
1d6: 3
The Finisher! III (An attempt on the supposedly last action to finish a long task or battle will gain +30) (MAX LEVEL)

Other Ability:
1: Substitution
2: Harem Jutsu
3: Ashes and Dust
4: Awakening of the Nine-Tails
5: Limit: Mass Shadow Clone
6: Rudimentary Chef: Ramen
1d6: 5 (I blatantly cheated and rerolled, and still got 5.)
Limit: Mass Shadow Clone (When Naruto wins a clash with a Critical Success, summon hundreds of clones. Naruto gains two allies/actions and all three "Narutos" have maxed amount of Clones for a single cast, each.) Synthesis allows clones to join in with another Naruto casting

Sasuke Level Up:
Rolls: 1 (Victory) +1 (Avenger) +1 (Defeat and bully Kakashi: an Elite Jonin) +1 (Flawless Victory) = 4
Potential:
1: Uchiha Privilege
2: Shuriken Arts
3: Grand Fireball
4: Other Ability
5: Ability Synthesis
6: Passives
4d6: 3, 6, 3, 3 If he can't have Itachi fall to the Sexy Jutsu, the Grand Fireball will have to do!
Grand Fireball +3
Passive +1
Grand Fireball:
1: Reduce Crit Fail Threshold -> 25
2: Reduce Failure Threshold -> 55
3: Reduce Success Threshold -> 65
4: Reduce Crit Success Threshold -> 85
5: Increase Ablaze Effect -> +15
6: Reduce Tired Malus -> 0
3d6: 6, 1, 3
Grand Fireball (Deal Damage (25/50/65/90) and inflict an Ablaze Malus (-10)

Passive:
1: Uchiha Privilege
2: Fire Style
3: Fuelled by Hate
4: Superstar
5: Widespread Calamity
6: Virgin Killer (-> Destroyer, -> Man Eater)
1d6: 6 Sasuke took notes from how Kakashi was defeated.
Virgin Killer: +15 against Perverts

Sakura Level Up:
Rolls: 1 (Victory) +1 (Dinnertime Advice) +1 (Defeat and bully Kakashi: an Elite Jonin) +1 (Flawless Victory) = 4 (+1 Stat point)
Stat:
Strength (Weight: 3)
Speed (Weight: 2)
Stamina (Weight: 1)
1d6 = 3 (+1 Strength (-> 1)) I swear, if Sakura ends up gaming…

Potential:
1: Transformation
2: Substitution
3: Clone
4: Other Ability
5: Ability Synthesis
6: Passives
4d6: 4, 1, 4, 3
Transform +1
Clone +1
Other Ability +2 …Sakura has no other abilities… Either I make up one, give her a staple like Shunshin, or she gets stats. Or early Genjutsu
Transform:
1-2: Increase Stealth Effect
3-4 Synthesis: Invisible
5: Synthesis: [Solid]
6: Synthesis: Sexy Jutsu
1d6: 3
Invisibility Jutsu: Stealth Roll to be impossible to target/hit.

Clone:
1: Increase Minimum Clones
2: Increase Clone Dice to 1d6
3: Increase Clone Dice to 2d4
4: Increase Clone Dodge Boost -> +10
5: Synthesis: Clone Dodge Boost scales Speed per Clone
6: Synthesis: Asura Blooming (Derived from clones, Changes hit calculation: Enemy rolls a 1/how-many-clones chance to block.)
1d6: 2
Clone Jutsu (gain 1d6 clones, next turn, enemy has a -5 to hitting user per clone.)

Other ability:
1: Heavy Blow: (proto-Cherry Blossom Clash, general Cha/Shannaro Moment)
2: Sakura-Fubuki (Petal-Blizzard Genjutsu from the Snow Movie)
3: Senbonzakura (Haku eat your heart out!)
4: Book Smart Level Up
5: Body Flicker (Fast Travel, +5 to Ambush attempts)
6: New Passive: Budding Maiden (Goes Bud > Flower > Bloom > Full Bloom)
2d6: 3, 6
Senbonzakura: (Roll (2) times, can split between any targets on the field. The Enemy's speed mod is ignored. Inflicts a -5 malus for the next round per hit, and deals 1 Damage on a Great Success. (20/60/100) Tires Sakura out for -15 next round, unless it's cast as a Limit (Critical Success on Clash win.))
Budding Maiden: +5 to social interactions with boys, +10 to "leveraging womanly assets."

(I can't believe I say this outside of the Shippuden Era… Sakura Gaming.)

Click to shrink...

Aura surging, Naruto claps his hands to channel as much chakra as he can pull, before making the seal. He focuses on the question that's been bothering him for a few hours: just how many Shadow Clones can he make?
…According to the sea of orange that has replaced all of the field's green, it's on the upper end of a lot.

Sasuke thinks of how Naruto turned the Transformation into… That Jutsu. He apparently one-shotted multiple Jonin with it. (And that old geezer, too!) If it could work on Itachi, Sasuke is absolutely desperate enough to use it. And considering how Itachi was with Izumi… Unfortunately, Sasuke also understands why the Hokage doesn't wants Naruto teaching everyone that technique. So until Sasuke gets his Sharingan and skip the middleman, he should prepare and study up on how to maximize it's effectiveness. There shouldn't be any consequences, if Naruto doesn't teach it, and doesn't learn how to teach it, Itachi'd never see it coming.
Sakura thinks of how Naruto turned the Transformation into… That Jutsu. He apparently one-shotted multiple Jonin with it. (And the Hokage!) Sakura is nowhere insane enough to do that… She'll have to try something different. Putting her hands together, Sakura tries to transform into "nothing." There shouldn't be any consequences, the Transformation is an illusion, after all. She looks down, and sees no body or clothes. She can feel her feet on the ground but can't see her feet on the ground. The dissonance actually makes her feel a little motion sick, so she cancels the Jutsu and thinks of the others she will be working with long term: her team.
Naruto works on refining his Sexy Jutsu, vinidicated. This is a certified, witnessed, Jonin-Slayer, after all! People have got to notice him now!
He takes the time to integrate the advice from the crazy lady as well. Oh, that's an idea!
It'll require a little sneaking to find the girl version of those swim-shoots, but the title of "pervert" isn't limited to boys, after all!
...And maybe, he could play a little riskier with the Jutsu, after all. Don't want to get caught up on because someone developed a resistance or countermeasures. Now, what was Kiba talking about that time when he mentioned "Tags?"

Sakura thinks about her teammate, Naruto, and his other Signature Jutsu, the Shadow Clones.

A mockery of a sparring session, the clones in a free-for-all brawl by coincidence send one of their brothers into the air by kicking him upward one after another. The brawl stopped as every Naruto watched that clone get slammed into the ground by another with a flying slam RKO. They wince as one as their fallen brother vanishes, then start cheering as they've got an idea. Collectively. The same idea. The only problem is deciding who gets to be the test summy clones. The brawl naturally resumes.​

Sakura turns her thought's to Sasuke, who also has his Grand Fireball.

Make hand seals, breathe in, mix chakra, breathe out. Catch your breath and repeat. It's almost zen-like, but an Uchiha needs to be able to perform this Jutsu repeatedly without tiring before they should even look in the direction of Phoenix Flower or Dragon Flame Bomb.
Sasuke forcibly wrangles the chakra laced into the fire that was rising in his throat too fast. It spews out in a stream like there was never nearly an accident. That would also be unbefitting of his family.​

Sakura needs her own signature if she even wants to dream of measuring up to her teammates. She remembers the time, back at the Academy, that Sasuke showed off the cool shuriken tricks his brother taught him. Senbon are relatively cheap, with a little practice and some mission funds Sakura might have something she can stick her name to.

Sakura wakes up in the morning with dulled pains all over her body. She was expecting to hurt all over today, but only as a result of Kakashi-sensei's test, which distinctly did not happen as expected.
After brushing her hair, Sakura vaguely notes her slight difficulty in putting on clothes before she heads downstairs for breakfast.

Real quick lore roll: Is Sakura's mom a Chunin as per canon? {18} …Bad Fanon tropes time.
What about her dad? {69} …Uh… He reigns in Mebuki by virtue of being the sole reason she believes "Ninjas do it better. Also, he's generally a cool dad."

Click to shrink...

Her mom gives Sakura the first degree about picking out ill-fitting clothes, but her dad bails her out by chiming in about funky effects chakra tends to have on the body, and then grossly (to Sakura) reminding her mom about how handy that came in for the process of making Sakura, causing synchronized, scandalized blushes.
Sakura looks down, noting how her clothes are a little stretched on her slightly different frame, and runs her hands down her hips and legs, noting that her contours are more distinct than they were yesterday.
"Our flower just started her growth spurt, that's all." Her father finishes.
"Well, hopefully she doesn't grow too fast. I've heard horror stories."
"I'll get a paycheck from missions now. I can buy some clothes and extra food."
"That's fair." The mother finished placing cleaned plates on a rack, before pausing and turning on the pinkette. "Wait, I thought you were on a diet! What happened to being thin to net that Sasuke boy?"
"Well, I don't know if you've met my Jonin-sensei-"
"He visited us yesterday morning." Sakura's father cuts in.
"Interesting. Anyways, his test amounted to not listening to a single thing he said, because it was all misleading and lies."
This was confusing her parents slightly, so Sakura elaborated.
"I ate less in the morning, because he recommended I don't eat at all yesterday. That was a bad idea, as he was planning to hold lunch hostage, too."
"As for being thin…" she continued, "I caught Sasuke's eyes being drawn to the filled-in hourglass type, before he turned his head away, he was really red." Sakura grins at her mother, who blushed at the scandalous information. Sakura does not disclose the scenario where she caught this scene, or how she was also red. "Putting on some curves may actually boost my chances!"
"As long as it's concave curves and not Akimichi-style convex." Sakura's mom says, convinced by Sakura's reasoning about Sasuke's preferences.
"Don't worry. I didn't get nutrition advice from Choji or something, I got it from the Hokage."
Sakura's mother glares at where her husband spat out his drink. But not too hard, because what her daughter said was really out there.
"Would you care to elaborate?"
"We had dinner on him for being the only Genin team that went and knocked out our Jonin-sensei during their test."
Sakura's father ended up choking for a good few seconds before his wife snapped out of her shock to aid him.
"Would you care to explain just what happened yesterday, little flower? You only mentioned passing and having dinner with your team, I don't think you've told either of us the full story yet."
Sakura checks the clock. She has time.
"Alright. So, first off, this guy shows up over a full hour late to the team assignments. How long was his meeting with you? I seriously doubt he took that long."

---

Spoiler: Current Stats

Spoiler: Naruto

Naruto Uzumaki:
Stamina 5
Prankster X (+50 to Stealth, Ambush or Messing with Someone. Will occasionally go out of the way to mess with someone. (MAX LEVEL))
Ladykiller I (+5 interacting with females. (Up to 10))
Teacher I (+10 when in a tutoring position. Up to 3)
Genin (+5 all conflict related rolls)
The Finisher! III (An attempt on the supposedly last action to finish a long task or battle will gain +30) (MAX LEVEL)
Ashes and Dust I (The round after you survive an attack, gain +5 per stamina lost in the previous round) (Up to 3)
Face The Flames/In the Shadow of Fire (+5 against Fire Style Masters and Fire Style Jutsu. Reduces effectiveness of Ablaze malus by 5.)
Shadow Clone: Cost Stamina (lol Uzumaki lol Kurama lol Naruto), gain 1d4+1 clones, advantage dice*clones until they're popped. Will take attacks for main, unless a crit scatters them all
Sexy Jutsu: Rolls to inflict DC: Counter'd/15/Failed/40/Distracted/75/injury nosebleed (distract malus + free action)/95/flying nosebleed IKO. +15 to "perverts"
Sexy Jutsu: Reverse: No more demographic penalty.
Sexy Jutsu: Awakening: When Sexy Jutsu crits, has a chance to add or 'strengthen' certain 'passives' in the victim.
Harem Jutsu: Sexy Jutsu but roll 1d100 + d12 per clone
Substitution: contest roll to dodge. 1 round cooldown
Transform: +10 to stealth roll, [can change form physically.]
Transform: Log Trick! (On a successful cast of substitution, roll to transform into the substituted object and successfully deceive the attacker. Then, you can roll to ambush the opponent. Creates a Shadow Clone.)
Naruto Uzumaki Barrage: Roll 1d100+d10 per clone to damage the opponent.
Demon Wind Bomb (Attack the opponent for 30/50/70/90, Using Transformation's bonus +0. On a Critical Fail, get counter-hit (not a problem with clones). Otherwise, even with Fail, Attempt to attack a second time, getting easier the better the first throw's success was.)
Limit: Mass Shadow Clone (When Naruto wins a clash with a Critical Success, summon hundreds of clones. Naruto gains two allies/actions and all three "Narutos" have maxed amount of Clones for a single cast, each.)

Never let him take the first swing: He knows "Cute girls can do anything," and he has learnt how to weaponize that fact.

Spoiler: Sasuke

Sasuke Uchiha:
Stamina 3, Speed 2
Avenger X (+50 to training rolls. Always +1 level up roll after combat. -50 to any attempt to stall or impede vengeance. Does not actually boost rolls against target.) (Target: Itachi)
Fuelled by Hate I (+5 to conflict rolls. -5 to social rolls. Will seek out conflict and hold grudges. (Out of 10))
Uchiha Privilege II (+10 to everything unless contested against someone racist against Uchiha, or other Uchiha.)
Fire Style Training I (+5 to Fire Style Jutsu)
Genin (+5 all conflict related rolls)
Power of Prodigy III (The first attempt or round will have +30)
Virgin Killer: +15 against Perverts
Grand Fireball (Deal Damage (25/50/65/90) and inflict an Ablaze Malus (-10)
Shuriken Arts (Roll to deal damage. does not use speed or strength mods, but the enemy's speed mod is deducted. 30/55/80 (0/1/2 damage.))
Substitution: contest roll to dodge. 2 round cooldown
Transform: +10 to stealth roll

Never let him take the first swing: He has like, +60 on round one.

Spoiler: Sakura

Sakura Haruno:
Strength 1, Stamina 2, Speed 1
Sasuke Fanclub III (+30 when assisting Sasuke, -15 when being assisted by others.)
Genin (+5 all conflict related rolls)
Book-Brained IV (+20 to Int roll, -5 to Physical Roll)
Power of Prodigy I (The first attempt or round will have +10)
Budding Maiden: +5 to social interactions with boys, +10 to "leveraging womanly assets."
Clone Jutsu (gain 1d6 clones, next turn, enemy has a -5 to hitting user per clone.)
Substitution: contest roll to dodge. 2 round cooldown
Transform: +10 to stealth roll
Invisibility Jutsu: Stealth Roll to be impossible to target/hit.
Senbonzakura: (Roll (2) times, can split between any targets on the field. The Enemy's speed mod is ignored. Inflicts a -5 malus for the next round per hit, and deals 1 Damage on a Great Success. (20/60/100) Tires Sakura out for -15 next round, unless it's cast as a Limit (Critical Success on Clash win.))

Personally, I can't believe it. Sakura's gaming!

Spoiler: Kakashi

Kakashi Hatake:
Stamina 3, Speed 4
Jonin (+20 all conflict related rolls)
Sharingan {0, III} (Multiply Effective Speed modifier by 2. +10 to Genjutsu rolls. Increases combat exp gains for every +100 Crit in combat, and when triggered, adds the opponent's jutsu to the pool for that roll.)
Lightning Style Training III (+15 to Lightning Style Jutsu)
Power of Prodigy IV (The first attempt or round will have +40)
Grand Fireball (Deal Damage (30/50/70/90) and inflict an Ablaze Malus (-10))
Summon: Dog
Earth Style: Tracking Fang
Clone Jutsu (gain 1d4 clones, next turn, enemy has a -5 to hitting user per clone.)
Substitution: contest roll to dodge. 2 round cooldown
Transform: +10 to stealth roll
1000 Years of Death: On an Ambush attack critical, stun the opponent.
Chidori: A Contest Roll to Wound. Damage increases with Degrees of Success, but user's roll (before bonuses) is halved without an active Sharingan. (40/60/80/100)
Body Flicker: Fast Travel (Ambush +10)

"Elite Jonin." "Got one-hit by a Genin."

I should be doing the You, Me, RNG Quest right now... But, naptime... *faints*