A 20-year-old young man was seen running on the road in the thunderstorm carrying a plastic bag...
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Daonexus | 13 |
Thanks for the one up didn't notice as I was just copy-pasting from docsTL;DR
Got wall of text syndrome and my brain switched off.
Fix your formatting and start the story where the story starts meeting Izuku or Starting at UA or whatever.
Not at the CYOA/ROB section, it's been done to death.
You need to show, not tell.
Basically: Don't tell me SI has Alchemy, Show me he has alchemy.
This Fic has massive potential, I'll be checking back later to see how this has improved.
Keep up the writing.![]()
TL;DR
Got wall of text syndrome and my brain switched off.
Fix your formatting and start the story where the story starts meeting Izuku or Starting at UA or whatever.
Not at the CYOA/ROB section, it's been done to death.
You need to show, not tell.
Basically: Don't tell me SI has Alchemy, Show me he has alchemy.
This Fic has massive potential, I'll be checking back later to see how this has improved.
Keep up the writing.![]()
Fixed threadmarks, edited old posts for errors and posted a new chapter, Thanks for pointing it out!TL;DR
Got wall of text syndrome and my brain switched off.
Fix your formatting and start the story where the story starts meeting Izuku or Starting at UA or whatever.
Not at the CYOA/ROB section, it's been done to death.
You need to show, not tell.
Basically: Don't tell me SI has Alchemy, Show me he has alchemy.
This Fic has massive potential, I'll be checking back later to see how this has improved.
Keep up the writing.
[Edited]
I read the updated version. And this is good. You've adapted many ideas from many different mangas, instead of inventing them. Which is good because it lends creditability.
My one criticism is that the flow of the story is very janky.
I understand that I stated that the story should start at: and I provided two examples.
But after reading the entire story and reviewing it. I think that it should be done according to the timeline of events.
Beach arc, UA Exam Day, First day in class.
This is a suggestion, I think reworking the posts to have chapter numbers and redo on the thread marking as the Beach Arc is last in the reading order at the moment, even though it should be first chronologically.
As other Chapters reference the beach Arc (eg Pink muscle, and discovering Almight's Identity) It makes for an odd read in this order.
This is super great work so far, I look forward to what you can do in future.
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Yes, after the battle training arc is finished I will do a whole slew of interludes. As for the bag of tricks, I am kind of out of touch with FMA so i have to rewatch to get more ideas. So that is why I have slowed down the writing. Another reason for only using terrain control is that he only got the Elric brothers knowledge. While also having a huge amount of time taken away for porting basic alchemy to MHA. IThis is an excellent chapter. Maybe mix in some interludes with alternate character points of view. Like Principal Nezu's suspicion of the protagonist (doesn't act like a kid, too smart, weird Quirk etc). Or a Romantic interest or a Hated rival.
Inteudles are an excellent way to do character development or foreshadowing of future plans or plots.
I'd like to see a bit of expansion on the protagonist thinking about the elements present, to come up with new techniques. Like Roy Mustang's Flame Projection or Basque Grand's Ballistic Constructs, or Isaac McDougal's Water Control.
The Protagonist has a massive bag of tricks to pull from, yet so far he has only used; Edwards' terrain control and some healing which I didn't quite understand.
Looking forward to the next chapter.![]()
We have already decided to consider all movies canon. So you have to wait to know the answer.And suddenly Villains all around shat themselves.
"FOR I AM HERE"
Also whathappens if Midoriya does what he does in the movie and transfers it back to Al Might only to get it back.
Resparking those embers?