Ancient Legos [Worm/Stargate]

TCGM · Aug 19, 2018

Daimonin said:
Love your story tcgm, please keep it up.

Awww but if ziz becomes a 8-9 year old magical girl, shes much less likely her and Weldon will be together. ZIZ IS BEST GIRL!

Thanks!

There can be teenage magical girls. I doubt Ziz is the mental age of 8 or 9 in this story, she was too mature during Shipyard's battle with her. Teenager is most likely the case.

Speaking of keeping it up, Chapter incoming!

TCGM · Aug 19, 2018

Ancient Legos
Chapter 9
Evolution

Two minutes and thirty six point five seconds.

That's how long I stared at the Lifesign Type list in my head.

I'm Lantean.

I tested the thought out once more, just to see if it made any more sense than it had for the last two minutes thirty six and a half seconds.

...Aaand nope. It still smelled like bullshit.

"I'm Lantean," I said out loud, chuckling. "Yeah right."

To counter this insane proposition the ship was attempting to get me to believe, three pieces of evidence stood as my pillars. One; I was born to human parents. Two; I had been human my whole life. No doctors had ever found anything wrong with me in that respect, and it was pretty much guaranteed some of the Tinkertech scanning devices they used at Brockton General would notice if I had an entirely different set of genetics.

The final, third point was the real kicker, though. I didn't have any Alteran powers. And, heh, everyone knows that Alterans had powers. From pretty much a single year after being born. It was one of the most well known pieces of information about the Alteran species.

Healing. Telepathy. Telekinesis. Long Life.

Then the more high level abilities that were Zero Point Energy Manipulation and, eventually, Ascension.

The only powers the Alterans didn't have were the more body-focused ones. They were very much a product of their brains and their souls. Not their physical forms. An Alteran wouldn't be able to go toe to toe with one of our world's most famous Flying Bricks, Alexandria, but they'd definitely be able to mindfuck her into unconsciousness.

Only in extremely, extremely rare cases did someone not manifest some of those eventually. There were a grand total of three, three! Alterans that never developed abilities in the hundreds of millions of years they'd existed as a civilization.

Three.

I had exactly none of those abilities.

Even the mental control for my ships was provided by the ships themselves. Reading my brainwaves and inserting information. I was the receiver, not the sender in that particular set of relationships. Even Humans could conceivably control Alteran craft if they had the synthetic locking gene.

Which meant some really frakking janky stuff was going on.

I turned my attention away from my mind's eye to yell at the ceiling. "OKAY, VERY FUNNY! I DON'T KNOW WHAT OR WHO YOU ARE, BUT YOU CAN STOP PRETENDING TO BE MY SHIP NOW!"

I waited. Listening for a response, mental or otherwise.

None came.

"Fine," I growled. I once again tuned into the Hyperion, or whatever it really was, and forced the Lantean override to get into its systems.

If this thing was going to falsely claim I was Lantean, I was gonna exploit the shit out of that.

I dove into its very being. Searched for anything and everything odd. I noticed the sloppily integrated Asgardian technology, but I'd already used it so I was aware of its presence. There were some other irregularities in the structure of the craft. Namely, it was bigger than what an Aurora should be. That extra space was filled with redundancies, drone manufacturing systems, and other things Alterans never would've thought to include-

Wait a second, that's not an Alteran hyperdrive!

What the hell was a foreign hyperdrive doing grafted to the systems of an Alteran battlecruiser?

I had literally never seen the design before. Well, of course I hadn't, but neither had my Atleran memories.

And what the fuck is that top speed?!

It… actually kinda, sorta, shared some power distribution properties with the Asgardian Transporter Beam Arrays, but… it was much, much more advanced.

What the hell had those tall gray butts been up to!?!?

Like, shit guys, the hyperdrives we left you weren't fast enough? Damn speed demons, the lot of them! This abomination of a hyperdrive was magnitudes faster than a cityship's Stardrive, which were renown for their speed in the first place!

To put it in perspective, Alteran hyperdrives of the size needed for an Aurora had a top speed of 300ly/s, which could skyrocket to a grand 900ly/s if fed directly from a Potentia. They could make the trip between Avalon and Pegasi in 11 hours at normal speed, and a third that time if you plugged them into the Potentia. The Atlantis cityships and their Stardrives made those look tame.

But the Asgardians had apparently decided that still wasn't fast enough.

Anyways, aside from the insanity that was the Asgardian (presumably) hyperdrive, nothing truly felt off about the Hyperion. For all intents and purposes, the VI software of the ship was vanilla. So vanilla in fact that it was suspicious due to just how ordinary it appeared. There were no customizations. Zero. Naming it the Hyperion was literally the only change from baseline, and that was something that I had done.

No amount of checking unearthed any abnormalities in the suspiciously ordinary software, either.

What the hell. It was like someone had taken the idea of an Aurora and the software of most Alteran craft and… fixed all or most of the idiosyncrasies inherent in Alteran designs, then shoved in a bunch of Asgardian tech. Hmmm… I wonder whether this was the fault of that Shard I'd located in another reality, hooked up to my own head-

My mind snapped back to what had caused this in the first place. If the Hyperion wasn't lying to me and was in fact just a beefed up, more-or-less vanilla Alteran ship...

OH FUCK I'M A LANTEAN HOLY FUCKING WHAT

SHIT SHIT SHIT

I panicked. I fully admit it. That is why I didn't fully think through my actions.

First I scanned my house and my family.

They were human.

Then how the fuck was I a gods damned alien?!

I had the memories of one, sure, but that was weird power shit. Actually having my physiology changed, especially into Alteran biostructures, WAS A MUCH BIGGER PROBLEM.

I sprinted for the Genetic Manipulator. Got in. Turned on the containment field. Called up its mental interface. And set that damned thing on the deepest scans I could.

If you're paying decent levels of attention, you might have spied the point where I totally and completely screwed this series of decisions up.

I'd examined the code of the Hyperion.

Not the Genetic Manipulator. The one that shouldn't have been there in the first place. The extremely potent device that I'd basically run into and practically offered myself to.

Yeeeaaaaahhhhhhhh.

I found my control of the machine abruptly taken from me. I could still observe what it was doing, but a program hidden inside some of its deepest code had woken up and seized total control of every aspect of the device.

The device with the active containment field.

That I was trapped inside.

I am not ashamed to admit I panicked even further. I started slamming my fists into the containment field, screaming at the top of my lungs.

I knew what these things could do to you and I was not okay with having fifteen tentacles grow out of my face, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

But it didn't matter. No matter how much I screamed or banged, Missy was unconscious, Dragon was offline while she transferred to her new body, and the Hyperion couldn't do anything without also leaving me a smear on the wall as a side casualty.

So I slumped backwards, leaned against the containment field, and watched with dread as the genetic sequencing hologram extended from the top and bottom of the device to surround me.

I observed the program and noted what it was doing. The rogue system was commanding the Genetic Manipulator to do an extremely deep level scan of my genetic code.

That's… wait, that's exactly what I'd initially asked it to do.

Huh?

Then the program backed that scan data up in hundreds of different locations, even tossing some to the Hyperion for it to store.

Well, at least I could be happy that whatever had put the rogue program into this Genetic Manipulator didn't want me disfigured into a horrible freak of nature without a way back.

The program finished its backup and then opened a copy of my genetic code for modification.

Okay… that's- that's very good. It wasn't going to totally overwrite me with some foreign DNA. Modification had limits, even in such a device as this one. I'd have bipedal locomotion at the very least.

Also, that was definitely Lantean genetic code. I'd recognize it anywhere. My Alteran memories had been taught it in school, after all.

I also recognized what was being done to it. Specifically because it was a project in the aforementioned school that my Alteran memories had been made to do.

Unlock all higher Alteran abilities via genetic tampering. A passing grade if you succeeded. Full marks if you managed to do so stably.

Guess what my Alteran memories didn't manage to do? Yeah, both of those. She failed that project.

Yes, she. I had the memories of an Alteran female bouncing around in my head. The only reason that didn't give me a whopping huge torrent of gender dysphoria is because Alterans were kinda… sex-ambivalent. Oh sure, they acknowledged the physical differences, the downsides and advantages of the two sexes, but they proceeded to do nothing else. Sex, the action, for them was just reproductive in nature with a side effect of being particularly enjoyable. Sex, the chromosomal arrangement of their cells, was a descriptor. Like eye color or hair color.

Plus there'd been female gendered people in male sex bodies, and vice versa, ever since the Alterans evolved. Unfortunately the lack of caring came much later on. Genetic Manipulators were partially at fault for the Alteran's viewpoints on the gender of the self, to be fair. Given they allowed sex swapping if you really wanted to, it would be pretty impossible as a civilization to care about gender or the physical sex of your body anymore. They discovered that gender was a mind/soul thing and had about as much link with your body as games of chance had with the concept of fate.

Linked only if you squinted or had blinders worthy of a horse on you.

I momentarily freaked out at the possibility those thoughts had brought up and checked to make sure that the program wasn't flipping my chromosomes. Hey, my Alteran memories were sex-ambivalent. I wasn't!

Thankfully the program seemed far more competent than my memories were. It was successfully unlocking pretty much all the abilities an Alteran could conceivably have in my genetic code and securing stability about 80% of the way to where I could Ascend. While keeping me male, even!

The reason these hyper-advanced Genetic Manipulators never really took off was because beyond that 80%, people tended to accelerate their evolution on their own. The mind overtook the body.

You either Ascended or you died, burning up as your soul seared your atoms from the face of the universe. Or, very rarely, managed to shunt yourself back to your original form in the split second between when you achieved that higher state and you ceased to exist.

All of that navel gazing was to distract myself from what was going to happen. I knew it wasn't just modifying my genetics like this for nothing.

I was going to be transformed into a full-fledged Alteran Mage.

Just like my Alteran memories had always wished she could become. Legendary like Moros, infamous like Janus. A pioneer of the Mind like Atheles or a connoisseur of ZPEM like Ganos.

Yup, there it was. The program had finished. It error checked the modifications, something I was immensely thankful for, and when the multiple passes came back clean, it fed the new code into the Manipulator's emission systems.

I sighed and closed my eyes to prepare myself. A change this big was not going to be pleasant.

A moment later the pain hit and I could only scream.

I woke up on the floor. With what felt like Mount Everest splitting my skull in half.

Ugh, what the hell hit me? I wearily thought, trying to get my bearings.

I was sprawled on something hard. Metallic. My head was lower than my legs, and I was staring at an oddly familiar ceiling.

Huh, isn't that the standard hull pattern of an Aurora class? I asked myself absently.

Then my brain kicked back into gear.

"HOLY FUCK!" I screamed out loud, hastily backpedaling to get away from the Genetic Manipulator my legs had been lying in. I patted down my body rapidly. I was trying to find out if the process had gone wrong, if I now had deformities or something else horrifying.

One full body check later and I determined that no, I didn't look any different. And I didn't really feel that different either.

Whew. I let a relaxing breath escape me and closed my eyes with relief. I was okay.

Probably a fully blown Alteran Mage now, but okay. More superpowers I could deal with. Eventually.

Face tentacles, very much not.

I opened my eyes and found the Genetic Manipulator sitting there, powered down, and with such an innocent look about it I could almost see the sheepish, angelic face it was trying to give me.

I narrowed my eyes at it and proceeded to trace the path of my glare with two fingers. "I'm watching you," I informed it warningly.

The Genetic Manipulator did nothing. A few seconds later I felt rather silly.

Brain damage or overflow from the traumatic experience of being force-evolved? On further thought, definitely overflow.

Alright, I need to find out how much time has passed, I thought. With that goal set, I attempted to contact the Hyperion mentally so I could see the ship's clock.

What I received wasn't exactly a gentle amount of 'contact'.

The Hyperion reached out with the entirety of its systems for my perusal. I momentarily lost any awareness of my own body as it felt like I was the ship. It drew me in and held me fast, almost exactly the same as when I'd sat in the Throne Chair to fight Ziz. Unlike that time, though, I was able to pull myself to a lighter level of integration after a minor amount of struggle and freaking out. The awareness of my own body came flooding back and the awareness of the ship fled until they were both about halfway present.

Huh. So this is what Mages described as True Integration. My Alteran memories led me to almost squeal out loud at the fact I'd managed this until I got a handle on them.

Right, so, another point in Alteran Mage being my new existence. Yay.

I decided to get the next test over and done with so I could start handling the rest of my reality without the question in my head. I turned towards one of the tablets I had been browsing Dragon's program on and held out my hand. I then tried to… beckon it with my mind.

Hey, it's not like my Alteran memories were remotely helpful in this area. The Mages never really made any instruction books on the topic. Which is why instead of leisurely floating over to my hand, the tablet zipped through the air and whacked me right in the face.

"OWW!" I exclaimed, holding my hands to my now bleeding nose. "Gods fucking damn it!"

Okay. Definitely gonna need more practice at this. Mage status confirmed, though!

And my nose was broken now. Great. I'd have to have one of the Medbay's automatic healing systems deal with it.

Unless… hmm...

"Can I heal myself?" I idly wondered out loud.

That was supposed to be one of my new abilities.

With the decision to at least attempt it, I tried to push… myself through my hands and center the feeling of peace and repair in the area around my nose.

Golden light flared from my hands and my nose cracked back into place. The bones sealed over. I was healed.

Well at least I can do THAT right!

Alright, no more testing until I can do so in a safe environment. Now how much time passed!

Five minutes.

Five.

I blinked with surprise and just a tiny bit of awe. It had taken the advanced Genetic Manipulator five minutes to force evolve me so far I gained superpowers.

Those things are fucking broken, holy shit.

Okay. Time to get my head in the game and proceed to the things further down my list than making sure my teammate has her brain cancer cured and one of the world's most renown Tinkers gets her issues solved.

...What the hell was I doing before all of this?

…

Yeahp, I got nothing. Oh well, might as well check PHO.

…
…
…

That is a lotta comments. Shit.

Okay, okay, ass covering time while also fulfilling my duty as a Hero! and inspiring hope. Let's see, reply there, respond to thanks with you're welcome, chat with teammates… hey wait a second, AllSeeingEye is a cape?

I took a moment to consider that. In hindsight, it was so obvious that I felt incredibly stupid.

She's a cape and is asking for my help because of another evil cape. What the fuck do I do? Yeah I just 'killed' an Endbringer but that doesn't mean I can help her!

Get it together Will, you can do this, I tried to reassure myself.

Step one, refer her to the PRT. They can take care of her until I can oversee her hero conversion.

I think.

Send that off and-

Oh, she replied immediately. She can't make it.

Now what?!

Uhh… Well, I did have this fancy new ship with Beaming Arrays on board. I wonder…

Ohhhh, she has something to help with that. A flare gun. Thank you AllSeeingEye, that is SO not fucking helpful! DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY FIREWORKS ARE IN THE SKY RIGHT NOW!!
Calming down. I was calm. I could make this work.

What… color is this flare gun?

Red.

I grimaced and stared daggers at the wall of the Medbay.

Red. One of the primary colors of flame.

Like those aforementioned fireworks.

Fine. I'd just have to have the Hyperion scan for abnormal launch vectors. Tell her it's fine though because can't spook the potential new Protectorate member, no siree!

She said she'd sent the flare off. Time for the Hyperion to cry as it has to sift through a bunch of scan data for one specific variation of a firework.

How the frak did Brockton even get this many fireworks? The evening sky above the city looks like it's glowing!

And so what if it only took the Hyperion a couple of seconds. Bite me. It was still extra work.

Grumble grumble. I should probably be at the beam in site. Given Asgardian Beams basically designated 'anywhere' as a potential beam in site, I got to choose the location.

It had to be somewhere suitably impressive and definitely somewhere a decent distance away from the unconscious forms of Missy and Dragon. No way was I putting her beam in site anywhere near Ziz, either. Didn't want any signals piggybacking the array. In either direction.

The Bridge it is!

I sat in the Throne Chair and commanded the Hyperion to beam her up. Put her somewhere in front of me, facing out the window, I directed further.

Like a gleeful puppy my ship proceeded to do just that. The white streams of light and signature chiming sound of Asgardian Transport rang out from about five feet in front of me. A couple of seconds more and AllSeeingEye flared into existence, stretching slightly from the top down until she was fully materialized.

She was clad in a purple, skin-hugging suit. Her long blonde hair spilled out from her head. The costume, for that's what it was, apparently didn't have any helmet or hood. I could barely see the edges of a purple eye mask on the sides of her head. Her fists were clenched, along with other body parts, and that is the only reason my attention was drawn to her finely shaped posterior for more than a couple of seconds. I swear!

Five more seconds went by without her unclenching and I finally managed to tear my eyes away. She was cringing, her chin hunched into her neck, and a cursory look with the Hyperion's sensors showed she had completely shut her eyes and was scrunching them as hard as she could.

Also, I recognized her.

"Tattletale?!" I burst out, jaw dropping. Tattletale was AllSeeingEye?!

...Actually, no, yeah, that kinda makes sense. She's supposed to be some kind of Thinker and wears a costume with the Egyptian Eye of Ra on it, so AllSeeingEye as a username fits her shtick and her penchant for being a smartass.

Tattletale wasn't currently being a smartass. Polar opposite, more like. In response to my addressing her, she jumped a little, obviously quite scared. I wasn't sure why she was so terrified but something was doing it. It couldn't have been me, I wasn't scary, so maybe it was my ship?

Regardless, her clenching slowly subsided and she risked opening a single eye to take a look at her surroundings.

Then both her eyes shot wide open and her own jaw dropped. She ran up to the Bridge's forward window. The purple-clad villainess seemed to have totally forgotten about whatever scared her in favor of staring in awe down at the cloud cover above Brockton Bay that we were steadily approaching.

I sighed, reluctantly got up, and joined her side at the window. "Nice view, isn't it?" I asked nonchalantly, staring along with her.

"Wow," she breathed under her breath, face still pressed to the window.

I spared a glance sideways at her face. She did have a purple mask on, as I'd assumed beforehand, which thankfully helped me still be inside the Unwritten Rules. What I could see of her face was truly attractive in a hot-girl-next-door way. Her body's curves under her figure hugging costume didn't disagree with her face, either, nor the well kept and almost… shiny? long blonde hair she sported.

I suddenly blinked, something occuring to me. Her facial structure, that hair, her curves… they were tickling something in the back of my mind. Had… had I met her before?

...HOLY SHIT. It clicked in my head, the memories coming to the fore, and I couldn't help myself. I knew where I'd seen her before.

My coffee bestie was TATTLETALE?!

"LISA?!" I gasped, eyes widening.

She stilled and I abruptly got a dose of the next of my new Alteran powers. Oh shit, she thought.

She whipped her piercing green eyes towards me and glared. "How the hell do you know that name?!" she asked, before she registered my face.

...I then realized I wasn't wearing a mask. I didn't really even have a costume. In my rush to stop the Hyperion from destroying all the villains and threats to my safety in Brockton Bay, then the charge on the Winged Endbringer, I'd completely forgotten to fabricate anything. Not even a rudimentary mask.

Which meant she could see my face perfectly fine, no guessing required.

"Weldon?!"

the DragonBard · Aug 19, 2018

Haven't really gone into the SG expanded universe, or watched much of Atlantis, so when did they establish the Lanteans had psionic powers so far back into their history? I had gotten the impression that their powers were relatively recent things, prior to the war with the Wraith.

TCGM · Aug 19, 2018

the DragonBard said:
Haven't really gone into the SG expanded universe, or watched much of Atlantis, so when did they establish the Lanteans had psionic powers so far back into their history? I had gotten the impression that their powers were relatively recent things, prior to the war with the Wraith.

S9 and S10 of SG1 and Ark of Truth.

Guardian54 · Aug 19, 2018

First things first: Tattletale's canon PHO handle is "Tt", "AllSeeingEye" is fanon.

Second things second: If that name gets out, the shipping board on PHO is going to explode with Weldon/Weld homoerotic fiction.

SwiftRosenthal · Aug 19, 2018

the DragonBard said:
Haven't really gone into the SG expanded universe, or watched much of Atlantis, so when did they establish the Lanteans had psionic powers so far back into their history? I had gotten the impression that their powers were relatively recent things, prior to the war with the Wraith.

SG1 S6, Frozen. The Ancient chick they found was put into cryo roughly five million years ago, which was confirmed when she cameo'd in the prologue of ATL's pilot (in the shot of the cityship leaving Earth), and her powers were the reason why SG1 was able to live through the episode.

the DragonBard · Aug 19, 2018

SwiftRosenthal said:
SG1 S6, Frozen. The Ancient chick they found was put into cryo roughly five million years ago, which was confirmed when she cameo'd in the prologue of ATL's pilot (in the shot of the cityship leaving Earth), and her powers were the reason why SG1 was able to live through the episode.

Huh.
Keep forgetting how long a time there was between the leaving Earth for the final time, and the last of them Ascending. Keep thinking of it as being just a few millennia at most, rather than millions of years.

Topher876 · Aug 19, 2018

the DragonBard said:
Haven't really gone into the SG expanded universe, or watched much of Atlantis, so when did they establish the Lanteans had psionic powers so far back into their history? I had gotten the impression that their powers were relatively recent things, prior to the war with the Wraith.

If i recall correctly they left atlantis relatively recently, but they had been in pegasus for millions of years, and most sg1 alteran schizotech appears to be of the aesthetic of the milky way stargates which are explicitly less advanced than pegasus gates.
I'm not sure about when straight up powers appeared, but a destiny has a proto control chair that needs advanced brain structure and they could build the ark of truth when they left the ori galaxy.

Props to swiftrosen, totally forgot frozen.

lazarus7k · Aug 19, 2018

TCGM said:
Yeah, there really is no reason the Alterans should've lost to the Wraith except them being retarded. There was actually a fic out there somewhere that posited the idea Stargate Earth-based Humanity having warlike tendencies was actually put in place by the Alterans as a way to succeed where they failed.

It's in the XSGCOM Series: SG-1 meets X-COM by Hotpoint on Twisting the Hellmouth.

https://www.tthfanfic.org/Series-1694

'We're the second evolution of our race?' Daniel asked in surprised.

'You didn't evolve' Oma told him, 'well not really' she continued. 'We helped a lot, tweaked your DNA over millions of years so you ended up looking like we did.'

'God made man in his own image' Daniel remarked.

'We're not gods' Oma told him. 'We're a long way from being omniscient or omnipotent' she told him, 'the real secret is how we changed you to be not like us' she said.

'Dumber?' Daniel reasoned.

'No' Oma replied, 'we made you better... in some ways' she said.

'What ways?' Daniel asked in surprised.

'Heightened aggression, propensity to violence, strategic and tactical thinking, improvisation' Oma listed. 'Everything that was a weakness in us we fixed in you' she said.

'Most of those are negatives' Daniel responded forcefully.

'You only think that because you haven't met the Wraith or the Ori yet' Oma told him. 'And there are other races out in the universe that make them look cuddly' she added honestly.

'You created us like the Goa'uld created the Jaffa, or Loki created the Sectoids!' Daniel exclaimed. 'We're war toys' he realised.

'We gave you the freedom to choose' Oma told him, 'we just equipped you better to meet the universe on its own terms than we were' she said. 'We had technology you couldn't dream of but we were forced to flee one galaxy after another because we're not like you' she said. 'Ascending in itself was another way to run and hide in a way' she continued. 'We had to start again from scratch, create a new type of humanity, and here you are' she said proudly. 'We don't interfere in what you might call the mortal planes much any more, we left you to your own devices, but we also left you better able to handle the dangers than we were' she said.

'Enemies of the Ancients, fear their children' Daniel said quietly.

'Appalled by the news?' Oma asked.

'Yes' Daniel freely admitted.

'I'll break it to you about Anubis after a nice slice of apple pie in the diner' Oma told him, her appearance changing so that she was inexplicably dressed like a waitress. 'It'll soften the blow.'

Guardian54 · Aug 19, 2018

lazarus7k said:
'Heightened aggression, propensity to violence, strategic and tactical thinking, improvisation'

In other words, stuff that makes no sense to lack if the Alterans actually evolved naturally.

Because all these things are "how not to die like chumps" or "how not to be dumb fucks who die like chumps" things that the Alterans somehow managed to not evolve....

TheDisturbedDragon · Aug 19, 2018

TCGM said:
This is Earth Bet, the Wormverse, not the Stargate multiverse. And, assumptions abound about how much Weldon actually has access to. He does have blueprints to the Dakara superweapon ("Galactic Scale Matter Manipulation Wave Generator", first chapter), but I have not stated anything about him having Merlin tech.

...I thought it was Merlin who made the anti-ancient device in canon?
Actually NVM, upon research I'm confusing the Dakara superweapon and the Sangraal. My bad

Also, talk about a coincidence (not really)... I think this is the point where Coil just leaves, I mean he realizes how outgunned his men are by even a single cruiser, that Weldon will retaliate if he tries anything against Lisa, and that Cauldron will retaliate if he even thinks of trying anything against Weldon, alternate timeline or not. Contessa is bullshit like that. Lisa is well and totally out of his hands for good now.

macdjord · Aug 19, 2018

Guardian54 said:
In other words, stuff that makes no sense to lack if the Alterans actually evolved naturally.

Because all these things are "how not to die like chumps" or "how not to be dumb fucks who die like chumps" things that the Alterans somehow managed to not evolve....

They clearly evolved under massively different evolutionary pressures. Or the lack of those might be the result of previous genetic tinkering, which they themselves have forgotten.

theonebutcher · Aug 19, 2018

Guardian54 said:
In other words, stuff that makes no sense to lack if the Alterans actually evolved naturally.

You're extrapolating that from... one example?

Humanity is a runner's shape. Would make sense that the shape evolved with beings whose modus operandi was running from their problems.

Guardian54 · Aug 19, 2018

macdjord said:
They clearly evolved under massively different evolutionary pressures. Or the lack of those might be the result of previous genetic tinkering, which they themselves have forgotten.

It's basically guaranteed to be them fucking themselves up and making themselves stupider. But even then the improved success of those genotypes should have become apparent quickly enough unless they're even worse at conformity and lemming train than humans.

theonebutcher said:
Humanity is a runner's shape. Would make sense that the shape evolved with beings whose modus operandi was running from their problems.

Not possible.
We're persistence hunters. Not persistence escapers. Alteran body form strongly suggests they were also persistence hunters.

A predator attacking from the low lines of sight available in the wild would only need a relatively short burst of speed to catch us or something with similar architecture (i.e. Alterans). Whereas prey trying to escape from us will run itself to death.

TLDR?
Persistence escaper is not a strategy that can work as the predator only needs a short burst of speed to catch up.
Persistence hunter is a strategy that can work.

Do you know why I'm making these claims? I'm basing them on game theory staying about the same regardless of evolutionary setting. This is about the same level of ragey anti-bullshit-in-sci-fi as this video:

On the subject of a knife: "This is useful... I can defend myself with this... It's really good at killing people!"

Daimonin · Aug 19, 2018

Nice update. which chapter was lisa being coffee besties introduced? I dont recall it... or did that happen offscreen because it wasnt important at the time?

Gindjurra · Aug 19, 2018

Guardian54 said:
Tattletale's canon PHO handle is "Tt"

Her signature is Tt, but does she actually use that as her login?

Prince Charon · Aug 20, 2018

Gindjurra said:
Her signature is Tt, but does she actually use that as her login?

We only see her use it to sign a message to Taylor ('Bugs,' because Taylor didn't have a cape name yet) on PHO, and we don't know what handle she used to post it.

Huntershire · Aug 20, 2018

Half way through the chapter I completely lost track of what was even happening. My eyes glide over the rest incomprehensibly.

Sleeping In Pieces · Aug 23, 2018

Knowing Tt beforehand came out of left field, but I get that it's supposed to be an injection of randomness and coincidence that just happens.

TCGM · Aug 26, 2018

Guardian54 said:
First things first: Tattletale's canon PHO handle is "Tt", "AllSeeingEye" is fanon.

Second things second: If that name gets out, the shipping board on PHO is going to explode with Weldon/Weld homoerotic fiction.

As far as I'm aware Tattletale has no canon username. She just signs her messages Tt. And even if she does have one, I like ASE more.

Weldon/Weld slashfics? Yeah, I can see that.

SwiftRosenthal said:
SG1 S6, Frozen. The Ancient chick they found was put into cryo roughly five million years ago, which was confirmed when she cameo'd in the prologue of ATL's pilot (in the shot of the cityship leaving Earth), and her powers were the reason why SG1 was able to live through the episode.

the DragonBard said:
Huh.
Keep forgetting how long a time there was between the leaving Earth for the final time, and the last of them Ascending. Keep thinking of it as being just a few millennia at most, rather than millions of years.

Yeah, the Alterans were around for a long-ass time. Destiny is ~50 million years old for reference.

Topher876 said:
If i recall correctly they left atlantis relatively recently, but they had been in pegasus for millions of years, and most sg1 alteran schizotech appears to be of the aesthetic of the milky way stargates which are explicitly less advanced than pegasus gates.
I'm not sure about when straight up powers appeared, but a destiny has a proto control chair that needs advanced brain structure and they could build the ark of truth when they left the ori galaxy.

Props to swiftrosen, totally forgot frozen.

The retreat from Atlantis to the Milky Way was ~10 thousand years before modern day. It is a high likelihood that the Alterans had powers ever since their escape from their original galaxy. It would make sense that the Ori saw these powers as proof of their divinity while the Alterans were't stupid and knew them to be scientific in nature.

Also, funny you all are mentioning Frozen. I wonder if you'll remember this once this particular twist comes to light?

lazarus7k said:
It's in the XSGCOM Series: SG-1 meets X-COM by Hotpoint on Twisting the Hellmouth.

https://www.tthfanfic.org/Series-1694

'We're the second evolution of our race?' Daniel asked in surprised.

'You didn't evolve' Oma told him, 'well not really' she continued. 'We helped a lot, tweaked your DNA over millions of years so you ended up looking like we did.'

'God made man in his own image' Daniel remarked.

'We're not gods' Oma told him. 'We're a long way from being omniscient or omnipotent' she told him, 'the real secret is how we changed you to be not like us' she said.

'Dumber?' Daniel reasoned.

'No' Oma replied, 'we made you better... in some ways' she said.

'What ways?' Daniel asked in surprised.

'Heightened aggression, propensity to violence, strategic and tactical thinking, improvisation' Oma listed. 'Everything that was a weakness in us we fixed in you' she said.

'Most of those are negatives' Daniel responded forcefully.

'You only think that because you haven't met the Wraith or the Ori yet' Oma told him. 'And there are other races out in the universe that make them look cuddly' she added honestly.

'You created us like the Goa'uld created the Jaffa, or Loki created the Sectoids!' Daniel exclaimed. 'We're war toys' he realised.

'We gave you the freedom to choose' Oma told him, 'we just equipped you better to meet the universe on its own terms than we were' she said. 'We had technology you couldn't dream of but we were forced to flee one galaxy after another because we're not like you' she said. 'Ascending in itself was another way to run and hide in a way' she continued. 'We had to start again from scratch, create a new type of humanity, and here you are' she said proudly. 'We don't interfere in what you might call the mortal planes much any more, we left you to your own devices, but we also left you better able to handle the dangers than we were' she said.

'Enemies of the Ancients, fear their children' Daniel said quietly.

'Appalled by the news?' Oma asked.

'Yes' Daniel freely admitted.

'I'll break it to you about Anubis after a nice slice of apple pie in the diner' Oma told him, her appearance changing so that she was inexplicably dressed like a waitress. 'It'll soften the blow.'

Yeah, that's the one! Thanks for linking it, I lost it a while back. Now I can put it in my bookmarks!

Guardian54 said:
In other words, stuff that makes no sense to lack if the Alterans actually evolved naturally.

Because all these things are "how not to die like chumps" or "how not to be dumb fucks who die like chumps" things that the Alterans somehow managed to not evolve....

Thing is, in SG, humans did not evolve. We were seeded by the Alterans.

And the fact that the Alterans lack the very things that allow us to not die like chumps says a lot more about how effective their seeding modifications were than whether they're truly aspects that helped us evolve.

There is also no proof that the Alterans evolved naturally, which is... another can of worms for another day. I'll just point out that the Alterans were not the first Glow Club members.

TheDisturbedDragon said:
...I thought it was Merlin who made the anti-ancient device in canon?
Actually NVM, upon research I'm confusing the Dakara superweapon and the Sangraal. My bad
Also, talk about a coincidence (not really)... I think this is the point where Coil just leaves, I mean he realizes how outgunned his men are by even a single cruiser, that Weldon will retaliate if he tries anything against Lisa, and that Cauldron will retaliate if he even thinks of trying anything against Weldon, alternate timeline or not. Contessa is bullshit like that. Lisa is well and totally out of his hands for good now.

Easy to mix them up, they're both devastating galaxy-spanning superweapons. They just target different reality layers. Wouldn't surprise me if they share some technological aspects actually.

Coil, just leave? He doesn't really seem like the type to make logical, sensible choices when foiled at every turn and his power ripped from under him. A lot of fanfics give him way too much credit based on the fact he runs a criminal organization. A bufoon could manage that with the power Coil has.

Also, he already tried something against Shipyard, remember? Right now it just depends on if Lexie is feeling like applying her declaration retroactively.

Either way Lisa is definitely effectively immune to the snakeboi's idiotic schemes.

macdjord said:
They clearly evolved under massively different evolutionary pressures. Or the lack of those might be the result of previous genetic tinkering, which they themselves have forgotten.

*puts on tin foil hat*
Or didn't evolve at all!
*tin foil hat puts itself away*

Guardian54 said:
It's basically guaranteed to be them fucking themselves up and making themselves stupider. But even then the improved success of those genotypes should have become apparent quickly enough unless they're even worse at conformity and lemming train than humans.

Not possible.
We're persistence hunters. Not persistence escapers. Alteran body form strongly suggests they were also persistence hunters.

A predator attacking from the low lines of sight available in the wild would only need a relatively short burst of speed to catch us or something with similar architecture (i.e. Alterans). Whereas prey trying to escape from us will run itself to death.

TLDR?
Persistence escaper is not a strategy that can work as the predator only needs a short burst of speed to catch up.
Persistence hunter is a strategy that can work.

Do you know why I'm making these claims? I'm basing them on game theory staying about the same regardless of evolutionary setting. This is about the same level of ragey anti-bullshit-in-sci-fi as this video:

On the subject of a knife: "This is useful... I can defend myself with this... It's really good at killing people!"

Does it? As I said earlier all ideas of our evolutionary successes and theories are basically tossed in the trash can if you assume alien-directed panspermia or 'evolution'.

Daimonin said:
Nice update. which chapter was lisa being coffee besties introduced? I dont recall it... or did that happen offscreen because it wasnt important at the time?

It wasn't introduced yet. The coffee buddies is from pre-story-start. It is a possible chance meeting that happened to occur.

Gindjurra said:
Her signature is Tt, but does she actually use that as her login?

Prince Charon said:
We only see her use it to sign a message to Taylor ('Bugs,' because Taylor didn't have a cape name yet) on PHO, and we don't know what handle she used to post it.

This^

Huntershire said:
Half way through the chapter I completely lost track of what was even happening. My eyes glide over the rest incomprehensibly.

Are your eyes okay?

Intermittent_Coherence said:
Knowing Tt beforehand came out of left field, but I get that it's supposed to be an injection of randomness and coincidence that just happens.

Realism and reality tend to throw curveballs like that to outside observers.

Guardian54 · Aug 26, 2018

TCGM said:
Thing is, in SG, humans did not evolve. We were seeded by the Alterans.

And the fact that the Alterans lack the very things that allow us to not die like chumps says a lot more about how effective their seeding modifications were than whether they're truly aspects that helped us evolve.

Are you a creationist? Because enough dog breeds have been selected into existence since the medieval era that it should be damned obvious that being seeded or controlled doesn't make evolution stop working (even if it's very guided). Or are you telling me that lab cultures of E. Coli have NOT been evolving to better make use of their resources?

There's MANY different sets of experiments showing that bacterial populations evolve to better use their medium over time:
https://www.newscientist.com/article/dn14094-bacteria-make-major-evolutionary-shift-in-the-lab/

Not to mention the introductory bio textbook, Campbell-Reese Biology, cites an experiment where after thousands of generations the bacteria in a very difficult growth medium were over 1.5 times faster to grow than their original founder population.

Even if the seeding happened 6000 years ago instead of like 100,000+, there's been enough time for humans to rapidly select for traits like aggression once out from under the constant thumb of the Alterans who after Ascending are not allowed to interfere.

TCGM said:
Does it? As I said earlier all ideas of our evolutionary successes and theories are basically tossed in the trash can if you assume alien-directed panspermia or 'evolution'.

At the most hyperbolic interpretation of your statement, if the first life arrived on Earth on some random space rock, then all the rest of evolution must clearly be invalid.

I don't care if the Alterans let up on humanity's evolution 100,000 years ago or 6000 years ago, natural selection has still absolutely acted on humanity over time, and increased aggression from how stupid the Alternas often were is REQUIRED to survive resource constraints. The Alterans were high tech enough (with insufficient rivals) that they could just muddle through lackadaisically. A caveman absolutely has to pay attention to his aggressive emotions like anger to go and deal with whatever is threatening him, or he dies from being attacked or from not having enough resources.

Matherfokker · Sep 11, 2018

His story is glorious crack and i look forward to next installment of the fully operational battle crack station blowing canon up.

TCGM · Sep 11, 2018

Guardian54 said:
Are you a creationist? Because enough dog breeds have been selected into existence since the medieval era that it should be damned obvious that being seeded or controlled doesn't make evolution stop working (even if it's very guided). Or are you telling me that lab cultures of E. Coli have NOT been evolving to better make use of their resources?

There's MANY different sets of experiments showing that bacterial populations evolve to better use their medium over time:
https://www.newscientist.com/article/dn14094-bacteria-make-major-evolutionary-shift-in-the-lab/

Not to mention the introductory bio textbook, Campbell-Reese Biology, cites an experiment where after thousands of generations the bacteria in a very difficult growth medium were over 1.5 times faster to grow than their original founder population.

Even if the seeding happened 6000 years ago instead of like 100,000+, there's been enough time for humans to rapidly select for traits like aggression once out from under the constant thumb of the Alterans who after Ascending are not allowed to interfere.

At the most hyperbolic interpretation of your statement, if the first life arrived on Earth on some random space rock, then all the rest of evolution must clearly be invalid.

I don't care if the Alterans let up on humanity's evolution 100,000 years ago or 6000 years ago, natural selection has still absolutely acted on humanity over time, and increased aggression from how stupid the Alternas often were is REQUIRED to survive resource constraints. The Alterans were high tech enough (with insufficient rivals) that they could just muddle through lackadaisically. A caveman absolutely has to pay attention to his aggressive emotions like anger to go and deal with whatever is threatening him, or he dies from being attacked or from not having enough resources.

>is creationist
>regularly mocks religion and desecrates religiously sacred ideas in writings

Pick one

And to answer most of your highly aggressive logical attacks; I am discussing how things might've worked out IN STARGATE. This is a fictional universe where, contrary to what you may wish to want, it is fact that 'our' civilization was seeded by the Alterans via that Galactic Scale Matter Manipulation Wave Generator on Dakara.

The Ascended don't have to interfere. They aren't the entirety of the Alterans, as the Lanteans existed. Even so, let's ignore the Lanteans. 5 million years ago the Alterans left Earth for Pegasus in Atlantis and activated the GSMMWG to wipe the galaxy of life (due to the plague) and start over. Now, our DNA is something like 90% 'junk', or code which does not directly define our species. It is not entirely impossible that the 'junk', at least in the SG verse, is actually the remains of a now shut down and then scrambled so that we cannot find evidence of it 'evolutionary guidance AI' for lack of a better term. Such a thing could've been embedded into every living thing on Earth by the GSMMWG which would invalidate all evolutionary observations of our history. What if animals on Earth were forced to surrender to cavemen? We honestly cannot know. We can extrapolate based on our own history yes but until it's outright stated by the creators of the SG verse we can't be sure.

And the guidance AI possibility for the junk DNA is possible, if supremely unlikely, in our reality as well, which makes figuring this out even more difficult as we can't even be sure of our own past. In hypothetical discussion, of course.

Matherfokker said:
His story is glorious crack and i look forward to next installment of the fully operational battle crack station blowing canon up.

Guardian54 · Sep 11, 2018

TCGM said:
highly aggressive logical attacks

My manner and volatility in defending evolution is best summed up by, ironically, "DEUS VULT"

TCGM said:
And the guidance AI possibility for the junk DNA

Possible but not in Stargate specifically due to all the non-interference shit that's resulted in Goa'uld and basically everything else troubling the SG universe because the Alterans couldnt' be bothered to wipe their asses or at least bring a doggie bag for their own shit.

The chance of them bothering with enough effort or being allowed to do so as to micromanage evolution that much (note that some formerly domesticated plants in North America have demonstrably reverted to wildness within a few centuries' time, and foxtail millet in northern China is still interfertile with its wild ancestor, and if left alone WILL natural-select back to wildness within decades at most) is basically zero in Stargate given how they put ZERO effort toward dealing with the Goa'uld problem that only got off their homeworld because the Alterans thought they might be useful against the mentioned plague.

TCGM · Sep 12, 2018

Guardian54 said:
My manner and volatility in defending evolution is best summed up by, ironically, "DEUS VULT"

Possible but not in Stargate specifically due to all the non-interference shit that's resulted in Goa'uld and basically everything else troubling the SG universe because the Alterans couldnt' be bothered to wipe their asses or at least bring a doggie bag for their own shit.

The chance of them bothering with enough effort or being allowed to do so as to micromanage evolution that much (note that some formerly domesticated plants in North America have demonstrably reverted to wildness within a few centuries' time, and foxtail millet in northern China is still interfertile with its wild ancestor, and if left alone WILL natural-select back to wildness within decades at most) is basically zero in Stargate given how they put ZERO effort toward dealing with the Goa'uld problem that only got off their homeworld because the Alterans thought they might be useful against the mentioned plague.

Defending is all well and good, but emulating one of the types of people who deny evolution in your ferocity generally turns off all those except my type, who love debating in the first place

Alterans seem to wish-wash back and forth on non-interference. The only concrete place we see them doing that and sticking to it is in the Ascended community, a place it has been heavily hinted that the Alterans are not the biggest kids on the block. The physical Alterans fluctuate back and forth over their ridiculously long civilization's history on the matter. They interfered by seeding humans in Pegasus, but wouldn't fight the Gou'ald who took over Earth after retreating from Atlantis. They played gods in Rome and Camelot (to be fair the latter was just two exiles) yet didn't advance humanity. They seeded humans via the GSMMWG and, possibly (by my theory) implanted a guidance AI within us, but wimped out at taking out the Goa'uld as you said.

I would chalk it up to hypocrisy and wishwashing being part of their very being and leave it there, tbh.

Guardian54 · Sep 12, 2018

TCGM said:
hypocrisy and wishwashing being part of their very being

Then let us all cheer the fact that they are dead or at least gone enough to basically be dead.

TCGM · Sep 12, 2018

Guardian54 said:
Then let us all cheer the fact that they are dead or at least gone enough to basically be dead.

They have a universe-specific entry on the Flawed Precursors TVTropes page for a reason xD

TCGM · Sep 28, 2018

Ancient Legos
Chapter 10
The Dragons Awake

"Lisa!" I exclaimed, still shocked beyond belief, "you're Tattletale!"

"Weldon," she snarked back, "you're Bullshit!"

We stared at each other for a few more seconds.

"How long?" I asked her, sighing.

"Years. How long for you?"

I chuckled, closed my eyes, and shook my head with disbelief at my own words. "Less than 48 hours."

I opened my eyes again to find a totally frozen Lisa Wilborne staring at me with... awe.

At least I hoped it was awe. Either that or she was horrified and shocked at the same time. Those tended to look the same to me.

"Less than two days," she asked.

"Yup," I nodded.

"You converted three villains to the good guys' side, my sexy self included, built a starship, and killed an Endbringer… in less than two days of being a cape." This time it was more of a statement than a question.

"Pretty much?"

Lisa stared at me for several long drawn out seconds, a blank look on her face, before she just gave up and clunked her head against the fore window. "Bullshit. Just… so much total bullshit."

I shrugged, the feeling of being immensely pleased with myself no doubt showing on my face.

It was. Lisa held up a finger and waggled the digit, just like a parent might to their misbehaving kid. "Nuh uh. Nope. You do not get to steal my smug."

"But I defeated an Endbringer!" I totally didn't whine, throwing down my clenched hands.

"Doesn't matter!" Lisa refuted. She closed her eyes and smiled widely. "The smug is sacred. Do not even attempt to take the smug."

...I was actually starting to get a little worried. I might not have been old enough to drink, but Lisa definitely was (at certain places with owners that rhyme with Taultlime), and I was no stranger to watching her get drunk to forget her troubles.

Troubles that, in hindsight, probably came from her power. Whatever it was.

"How drunk are you?" I asked her flatly.

"I lost track after six," she answered honestly, pressing her face to the window again.

"Lisa!" I scolded her.

"Bup bup bup! You of all people do NOT get to tell me whether I can or cannot do something like drinking before an Endbringer attack on the city I live in, especially after showing your own judgement's fully intact state by telling that same Endbringer to come at you, and by extension my city, bro!" she interrupted, shutting me down hard.

I grimaced and sighed. "Point."

She waved a hand in the air a bunch, obviously intoxicated, and tried to indicate my ship. I think. "Also whatever you got on this tub that made my power shut up is letting me relax for the first time in a long time," she informed me. A small bit of gratitude colored her words. "You're lucky I can stand up. Also, I want one."

Tub? Seriously? I was offended on behalf of shipkind everywhere.

I didn't notice it just then due to being brand spanking new to my Alteran abilities, but someone, somewhere agreed. Only in hindsight would I even remember the tiny ZPE-powered telepathic carrier wave.

"What, a ship?" I asked, appalled. I stressed the last word to get the point across about how displeased I was with her nickname for a starship.

Lisa tilted her head to the side, still pressed against the window, and pursed her lips. "I was talking about the thing that made my power shut up, but now that you're offering…" she trailed off.

She'd completely ignored my irritation. "I'm not!" I refuted.

The blonde villainess once more continued on as if she'd never heard me. "'Mmm, yeah. You know what? That does sound like adequate payment for making me experience literal pants-shitting terror!" She laughed hysterically at the end of the second time she'd shut me down. "Thanks for thinking of me, buddy!

"I'm not giving you a ship, Lisa!"

Lisa huffed. "I don't see why you're being difficult about this. It's just a ship." She turned her face to mine, started trembling her lips, pouted, and made her eyes go wide. "Pwease?"

I hissed and shut my own eyes before I could be affected further.

Hot girl plus puppy face equals completely whipped Weldon. And she knew it. "Damn it."

I sighed, closed my eyes, and rubbed my forehead. "Which one do you want, Lisa?" I asked.

The puppy face abusing villainess and I were standing in one of the hangar bays. This particular one was the backup Jumper bay, somewhere just down and right of what probably looked like the bridge if you stared at the Hyperion head on, but was actually the primary comms array.

"Hmmm," Lisa mused, her eyes drunkenly roving over the bay. Her finger was on her chin and tapping away as she spun around. "I think I'll take… that one."

I followed the line of her now extended finger with my eyes, locating an entirely bog-standard Puddle Jumper sitting next to its fellows. I looked back to Lisa and raised an eyebrow.

"Any particular reasons why?"

"Nope!" Lisa announced, grinning wide. "I have no information, no reasons, no data on why that one is better than all the others, and it's amazing!" She sounded very, very happy to be… rid of her powers, I guess?

What even were they? She was supposed to be some kind of Thinker, last time I checked PHO's theorist sections. "Right…" I commented, trailing off. "Well, once we get you into the Protectorate, I'll give you that shuttle."

"The Protectorate?" she asked, guffawing. "Wow, you really don't know what's gonna happen now, do you?"

I raised an eyebrow and looked askance at my new tag along. "Obviously not, so if you'd care to enlighten me, Your Intelligence?" I asked sarcastically.

Lisa beamed at me and laid her hands on my arm, one over the other. She leaned in close as I studiously ignored her torso's fairly... obvious curvature enwrapping my trapped limb. "The Protectorate has been the 800 pound gorilla of Bet for a long time, Weldon, and even their best working together couldn't defeat an Endbringer."

"So what?" I asked, still not understanding. I blamed my teenage hormones and drunk Lisa's curves for that. As is my right.

"You killed one, Weldon, and solo," she continued, almost whispering. "800 pound gorilla? You just eclipsed the PRT, you eclipsed the Protectorate, you even overshadowed your own Wards team. All combined." Her eyes looked like there were fireworks going off in her brain. She clung even tighter to my arm, almost wrapping her… body around me. "People are gonna be trying to join your team. Shipyard's Hero Squad! The Triumvirate? Who're they? I wanna be on the team of the guy who killed the Bitch of Feathers!"

With a nuzzle of my shoulder, Lisa placed her head in the crook of my neck and sighed happily. "Nobody's gonna remember the Protectorate in a hundred years Weldon, but Shipyard isn't… gonna… be….. for……. gotten…..…." she finished, trailing off.

I was stunned. That- that couldn't be right. I didn't really do that much! I- I didn't deserve such… honor! No way, nuh uh, this was Lisa screwing with me again.

...A suspiciously, suddenly quiet Lisa. The woman who doesn't know when to shut up.

When she didn't say anything else for a few more seconds I got worried. I chanced a look down at her and was ready to ask her to continue.

That… wasn't going to happen.

I now had a passed-out-drunk ex-villainess attached to my arm like a limpet. Said woman was causing me to have difficulty thinking due to the subconscious rerouting of blood to certain areas in response to an attractive woman pressing herself into me like this.

I sighed and shook my head. "Damn it, Lisa. Even asleep you still screw with me."

Comfy, my telepathy unhelpfully allowed me to hear coming from Lisa's dream. Mmmmm...

...Nope. Nope nope nope! Maybe when I'm older but not right now THANKS BRAIN! I am literally jailbait!

I proceeded to gingerly pry her off of my arm. Slow going, that- the woman had some damn strong grip despite not being a Brute. But I eventually managed it.

And... shit. I missed you, sinking feeling of dread in my stomach.

Lisa was a Parahuman. That means she had the brain tumors. And she wasn't Alteran or Lantean, which I was assuming was the reason my tumors hadn't and still weren't expanding, so…

I scanned her brain via the Hyperion's sensors and found that yes, she was having a similar reaction to that of Missy.

Everybody loves brain cancer!

Right, time to go. I heaved Lisa up from the pile of hastily assembled pillows I'd laid her down on the floor in, gently, and instructed the Hyperion to beam us to the Medbay.

I just hoped Missy or Dragon were finished. It'd been half an hour, right?

The chiming, ringing sound and white light caused us to switch locations. I ended up in the Medbay with an unhappy Ward staring me down, arms crossed and literally tapping her costumed foot.

"Weldon, why do you have Tattletale in your arms?" she asked flatly.

Uh oh. She was speaking in The Tone again.

I refuse to admit I gulped.

"H-Hi Missy," I greeted her, forcing a smile on my face. "How are you feeling? Any numbness in your extremities?" While I performed this falsely chipper meet and greet I was carrying Lisa over to one of the medical beds.

"I don't feel like space itself is making me have a hangover anymore if that's what you're asking," she deadpanned, playing along, "and my extremities feel okay. Why do you have Tattletale in your arms?"

I winced, laying Lisa's prone, skintight suit clad body down on the medical bed. "Funny story that," I informed my teammate. "She contacted me on PHO asking for what is essential sanctuary from another villain who was apparently threatening her life to force her to work for them. I couldn't just hang someone out to dry like that," I explained.

I turned around and was witness to the storm cloud that had replaced Missy's cute face. The cute storm cloud. "I did originally tell her to go to the PRT, Missy, but she said she wouldn't make it there now that she'd asked," I defended myself. "So I beamed her up."

Missy studied my face for any signs of deceit for several more moments before sighing and dropping her crossed arms. "Only you, Weldon, could kill an Endbringer and recruit three villains in the same day," she complained.

Opportunity Get. Should I do it? Missy was obviously quite irritated with me and she did just use her Tone with me…

But the joke was worth it. I stuck a thumb over my shoulder at Lisa and grinned. "That's what she said."

"I bet," Missy snarked back. She scowled at my joke and even stuck her tongue out at me a little.

Being the fully mature teenager and teammate I totally was, I proceeded to do the older, proper thing.

I stuck my tongue out at her right back.

The gentle ringing sound of something on the other side of Missy interrupted us before we could get into another epic Wards duel. I leaned to the side in order to glance past my costumed teammate's body.

That ringing was an Alteran equivalent of a beeping notification. It was coming from the medical table I'd laid Dragon's new body down on.

My eyes shot wide open and almost sprinted past Missy. "She's done!" I exclaimed.

"Who's done?" my costumed teammate asked, her head tracking me even as I dashed over to the bed where a young woman lay, asleep. "Her? Who's that?"

I brought up the holographic control systems for that particular bed and began aiding the AI in waking up. Even with all the work I had done on converting her code and ensuring maximum compatibility there were quite a few mismatches between her and the systems Asurans were designed to run. Given I was trying to keep Dragon as Dragon as possible that meant I needed to do modifications of the nanites instead. "Dragon, of course!" I replied. I took a single moment's attention off the nanite reconfiguration to wave over her new body.

"Dragon. Right," Missy deadpanned. She stepped closer, presumably so she could watch what I was doing over my shoulder. Or rather around my arm. She was too cute/short to see above my middle back. "The Artificial Intelligence."

New Missy Tone for the categorization books; Disbelieving Deadpan.

I sighed and rested my hands on the table where Dragon's new body lay for several moments. "I know you don't believe me. Still. Somehow. So just wait until I'm finished here and you can hear it from.her own mouth, shall we?" I asked my doubtful teammate.

A few moments of silence passed.

"Fine," Missy said. She crossed her arms and began slowly tapping her foot. "I'm waiting."

I let out a breath of relief and nodded to her. "That's all I can ask." Then I turned my attention back to the nanite reconfiguration process.

This could take a few minutes.

"Aaaaannnddddd… done!" I exclaimed. I gleefully hit the button that would finalize my changes and begin Dragon's full boot up, then wake up sequences.

"Finally," Missy remarked.

"Hey, reconfiguring nanites that are designed to run a specific kind of AI system to work for an entirely different kind of AI system isn't easy!" I informed her, slapping the table twice. "Now this body can hold all of Dragon's code without issues."

"Uh huh."

A sudden gasp for air drew both of our attentions from the impending argument. I looked over to the interrupting sound's direction.

Dragon was awake.

She was still lying flat on the table, but her eyes were open and the breathing simulation was causing her chest to rise and fall.

Good!

"Hi Dragon," I greeted her, moving over to stand next to her table again. "How are you feeling?"

Her eyes locked on to my form like tracer bullets. I had to admit, the raw panic in them hurt.

"It's okay. You're fine. You're safe," I began to comfort her. I placed a hand on her shoulder and began rubbing, massaging her stress away. Or at least attempting to; it's what my mom always did.

Dragon tensed up at the, I assume, sudden sense of touch that made itself present to her mind. After a few seconds she managed to release that tension, though.

It seemed massages helped any species, even Asuran.

"Like I said, you're safe," I repeated. "You do probably feel a bit weird or something. That's… pretty normal, all things considered."

She furrowed her eyebrows at me and blinked. What? my telepathy picked up.

I blinked that time. Alteran telepathy worked with AI?

...Since fucking when?!

Nope, nope, that wasn't important right now. Dragon needed my help to acclimate. I could deal with my own problems later.

"Can you speak?" I asked her. It was rather important to test that. If she couldn't, I had done something very, very wrong and needed to fix it asap.

Thankfully my worries were unfounded. "I seem to be able to," Dragon said. Her mouth moved correctly to form the words. There were no raspy wisps nor undertones of synthetic qualities. All systems on that seemed to be go.

And her voice was quite pleasant to the ear, too. Like a strong melody.

"Good. Now, before we try to get you to move, what is your last memory?"

Her eyes went glassy for several seconds before she gasped again, their focus returning. This time they were angry and zeroed in on mine. "You shot me!"

I grimaced at the same time as the thankfully quiet till now Missy began snickering. "Okay, yes, I shot you. With a disruptor. But it was for your own sake!"

"How does shooting the only adult hero help her?!" Dragon fired back. Her limbs began twitching as she desperately tried to start getting up. Probably to do something bad to me.

What I said next stopped her attempts at movement cold. "When they're an AI built by people from a world who have fear of synthetic life and thus are likely to install kill switches in any that get created that might activate should they be discovered," I intoned solemnly.

Dragon didn't move. Even her breathing simulation paused.

Missy stopped snickering. She first looked at me with disbelief. Then, when Dragon continued to be silent, she stared at her.

Silence reigned for several more moments.

"How did you know?" Dragon whispered.

"Your suit didn't have a body inside it and all communications from the outside in were completely and totally isolated," I explained solemnly. "There was only one logical conclusion."

Dragon closed her eyes and clenched her fists. The coordination of her hands was tremulous at best, but it was working. She was clearly beginning to learn to pilot her new body.

She turned her head away from me and sighed. "What will you do with me?" she asked. Her tone was that of a woman who'd accepted death. "Kill me?"

Welp, time to crash that pity party. "Now why the hell would I do that?!" I asked her, lightly whacking her on the shoulder. "I didn't go through all the trouble of custom building a new body for you, ripping out any kind of control code, and stuffing you inside just to get rid of you!"

Dragon's head whipped round and she stared at me with shock. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

I poked her in the forehead and lowered my face towards hers. "Review your memory. You heard me correctly."

Another millisecond of unfocused eyes gave her the confirmation I was telling the truth. Those same eyes went wide as she started to raise her arms. She brought her shaking hands up towards her vision and proceeded to marvel at them, turning them this way and that.

"See?"

Dragon looked at her hands for several more seconds before she glanced at me again. Her eyes were starting to leak tears.

Because of course I included full organic simulation in her new body. Including tear production. Nothing but the best for one of our world's greatest heroes!

She only managed to ask one thing. "H-How?"

I smirked and gestured to her old frame on the other table in the Medbay. "Your systems were mighty impressive, I'll give your creator that, but even Tinkertech can be breached by Alteran cyber warfare systems," I began to explain. "Once I took a look at your code, which by the way is beautiful," cue simulated blush and a startled jump from Dragon as she realized she was blushing, "I found out that there was a highly interconnected system inside of you. It was called Iron Maiden. Hidden from you and accessible from the outside. It allowed total control of you and even could lobotomize you. I could've spent the time necessary to remove it from you the normal way, but I figured 'eh, what the hell, she'll probably enjoy having a proper body' and thus I moved you to this specifically configured Asuran form. In the process Iron Maiden was destroyed. It was clearly a patch job by whoever made you in the first place. I'm of the opinion that you were made inside a Tinker fugue and that the Tinker couldn't summon one from their external biocrystal processing center to lock you down which is why the Iron Maiden systems were less robust and-"

Dragon cut me off by putting a hand on my arm. Her tears were definitely present now. "Thank you," she whispered, smiling.

Happy tears and happy smile on AI woman's face? Check! Go Weldon, Go! Go Weldon, Go!

"Sorry," I apologized. "When I get going sometimes, I ramble."
Dragon shakily shook her head. Her long brown hair trailed her head like the tail of a comet. "Don't apologize. You-" she choked up, a fresh wave of tears flowing from her eyes, "you don't know how much this means to me."

I cracked a smile and gently pulled her in for a hug. "Your body is now made out of billions of nanites. Don't go gray goo on the world and we'll call it even?" I joked.

Dragon accepted the hug and laughed. "I'll try not to," she joked back, continuing to chuckle even as I held her.

Enter my teammate.

"Holy shit, he was telling the truth?!" Missy exclaimed, seemingly out of nowhere.

Took her long enough. She had been in this funk ever since Dragon woke up. The space warper… ex-space warper, that is, hadn't said a word while I conversed with the newly awakened AI.

Said woman nodded in my arms. "Weldon's telling the truth, Missy. I'm an AI."

"...Bullshit!"

I gestured over to Dragon's old chassis with my free hand. "You're free to check her suit for a body if you somehow still think I'm lying."

A moment later I caught myself and looked down at the bedridden Dragon. "Uh, if that's okay with you, that is."

Dragon chuckled and nodded. "It's fine," she agreed, providing permission. "I'd open it for you but I don't have a connection to it anymore."

I waved my hand while I mentally directed the Hyperion to enter the suit systems and force it open. Or rather, what little amounted to 'open' for a suit filled to the brim with hardware.

The chest cavity of the suit whirred for a second or two, then the head folded up and back while the chest split in two and folded out. Beneath the two plates of metal and circuitry was more of that same metal and circuitry, just in completely solid and blocky form. It was also clearly part of the suit.

The head was empty, thankfully. Otherwise I doubt Missy would've believed me.

My space warping teammate took a few steps towards the suit. She sat the empty head and block circuitry.

Then she stood ramrod straight and turned around.

Her face was pale. "Holy shit. You're an AI," she helpfully informed Dragon.

Another musical laugh from Dragon rang out in the Medbay. "We did say that. Didn't we?" She looked up at me and held out her hand, placing the other under her back. She was trying to pull her torso up so she could sit on the table.

She was stubborn. I had to give her that.

And my help, of course. While Dragon and Missy went back and forth on how downright shocking the former's status as a synthetic intelligence was, I helped pull her new body up into the sitting position she desired.

"Thank you, Weldon." Ah, cheerfulness. Music to my ears.

No more kill switches and a fancy new body tend to do that for a person.

Moments later the Hyperion informed me that we had arrived back above the PRT building in Brockton Bay. "We're back at Brockton," I interrupted the two girls.

I received blank stares for my efforts. "Back?" Missy asked.

"Uh, yeah."

"Why did we leave in the first place?"

I stared at my teammate. Had the surgery given her some brain damage?

"I thought it might be a good idea to engage the Simurgh somewhere further away than inside the city limits," I deadpanned. "A good thing I did, too, because otherwise the Bay, Boston, and probably New York would be glass right now."

Their blank stares turned worried. Well, worried on Dragon's part. Horrified on Missy's. Horror counts as a type of worry, right?

"What the hell does that mean?!" Missy burst out.

"I unloaded so much ordnance to remove her from the sky that it caused a firestorm that almost lit the atmosphere on fire," I continued informing them.

Dragon's eyebrows shot so high they almost flew off her face.

"WHAT?!" That was Missy again.

"Didn't I mention this?" I asked. I was pretty sure I had.

"NO!"

I grimaced and sighed. "I've gotta pay more attention to the things I say and the things I think I said," I mumbled to myself. "Airtight, sorry. I had to fire every one of the Hyperion's ten thousand drone magazine at the Simurgh. If we'd been any lower than 20 miles, the Bay would be cooked. As it is I imagine the CEO of Medhall's eyebrows are rather singed."

Missy's race lost what little blood it had left. She then toppled backwards, her eyes rolling up into her head, as she fainted away.

She would've hit the floor hard if not for my quick, hopefully discreet and woefully unguided attempt at slowing her fall with my brand spanking new telekinesis.

I walked over to check on my teammate. She was fine. My telekinetic grab had worked.

Also, Missy had finally stopped berating me and my decisions. Yeah, it took her fainting to accomplish that, but it was still a win in my books!

...Frankly I was just happy no more tablets were hitting me in the face.

"Ten thousand," Dragon stated flatly.

I shrugged and lifted Missy in my arms. She was surprisingly light. By that I mean that she should have a significant level of muscle mass given her… our, now, lifestyle.

Not that she was fat.

I wasn't stupid enough to tempt Murphy that hard even in my own head. The only people in the ship besides me were all women.

Including Ziz.

I gently placed Missy down on the same medical table which had performed her surgery. It already was configured for her comfort.

See, Murphy? This is me not taunting you!

"Yep, ten thousand," I answered Dragon.

"These are, for reference, the same Drones you informed me and the PRT about earlier today?"

"Yup."

"The nuclear-level, phase shifting, self guiding, international nightmare causing weapons."

"Indeed."

"It took you ten thousand of those weapons to kill the Simurgh," Dragon continued, still summarizing and restating my actions. For some reason.

"And a lot of volleys from every primary cannon on the Hyperion," I informed her. Purely to ensure she had the correct information.

"Holy fucking shit."

I turned back to her, surprised. "Did you just swear, Dragon?" I asked her in shock. "I've literally never heard you swear before!"

"This situation deserves it," she pointed out.

I shrugged. "If you say so. Anyways, while Missy is talking a nap, there are a few things we need to go over about your new body."

Dragon stared at me, then slowly crossed her arms. "We're coming back to the drones thing later," she declared.

"Aight."

The brown haired, green eyed woman continued to stare at me.

I stared back at her. Patiently.

I was actually posting on PHO, but she didn't need to know that.

Eventually she sighed. "Okay. What do I need to know?" She raised a hand to look at it and turned it back and forth. "I assume this is Tinkertech. What kind of maintenance do I need?"

I broke out into a gigantic grin. "Your body is, again, made up of billions of nanites. They work together as a supremely advanced computer system. You likely have more processing power than the Hyperion now. You also have an effective 'Brute: Fuck You' rating due to the fact your nanites can absorb any and all forms of energy. Kinetic, thermal, radiation, doesn't matter; all fuel for you. There is still one thing which you are now vulnerable to that you wouldn't have been before. Your nanites use Keyron pathways to link together. There is a form of energy weapon which can disrupt those bonds, rendering your nanites, and you, inert. But don't worry about that because I'm the only one with that technology and I don't plan on telling anyone else, ever, about it. I recommend you don't either. You can also change your appearance to whatever you like and mimic the outputs of a human body if you so wish," I explained, admittedly taking a long jaunt into rambling territory. "And for the record? It's not Tinkertech."

Dragon stared at me, her mouth hanging open and her held up hand limp, for several seconds. Her gobsmacked look was fantastic.

"What."

"Sorry, do I need to talk slower?"

"What."

Calming Dragon down took a long time. Evidently she wasn't ready for an information dump of that magnitude. Or as she called it, 'that much complete bullshit'.

She did end up believing me. It took me explaining the science behind Keyron particles, how they could be formed into quantum locking/communications pathways, and how the nanites are built to get to that point, but it's hard to keep disbelieving something if the evidence is staring you right in the face and you can understand it.

Once she'd verified that I wasn't full of crap, she revealed that she was the one who ran the Birdcage, the PRT Containment Zones, as a whole lot of other really really important things.

Things which, without a connection to the outside world, she couldn't control.

I wasn't about to let the isolation shield down while Ziz was still unaccounted for. We came up with the obvious solution; I'd beam her down.

Served as a good messenger to the PRT too. Specifically Director Piggot.

So I bade her farewell and beamed her down into Piggot's office. Not before she hugged and thanked me again, though.

Dragon's hugs are nice.

Anyways, that was a few minutes ago. I'd started and finished some experiments with the isolation shield. I found that I could erect independent isolation shielding around any room in the ship.

The Medbay and the lab I'd deposited Ziz in were now both protected by their own isolation shields.

With them in place I felt comfortable dropping the primary isolation shield.

The Hyperion followed my commands and suddenly, non-directed communication with the outside world was reestablished.

...That's a lot of radio signals.

Just as suddenly, the portals in my brain reopened. Being Alteran as I now was, I could feel he violations of spacetime very thoroughly.

It wasn't a pleasant feeling.

But then I connected back to the biocrystal. A flood of happy, joyful feelings at being reunited flowed down thugs connection to me.

[ELATION!]

It was like a puppy happy to see its owner again. I couldn't help but smile and send those feelings back, alongside some of [ACCEPTANCE].

Hey, the tumors weren't dangerous to me.

And I'd always wanted a dog.

I instructed Hyperion to open its own trans reality portal for observation of the biocrystal being hooked up to my brain.

Puppy or not, I was going to keep an eye on it. Maybe even because of its behavior.

...Wow. It'd been busy.

The biocrystal being now spanned its entire solar system. All the way from Mercury out to Pluto, massive strands and lattices of crystalline flesh connected every planet and moon like the universe's largest spiderweb.

Looked like it was starting to branch out around the system in a sphere, too.

[APPROVAL] I sent it.

[ELATION][GRATITUDE] I received back.

Seems like I got a smart one of whatever the things giving humanity 'powers' were.

...Cool!

As I took a long, good look at the now system-spanning monstrosity of biological crystal attached to my brain via trans reality portals, one word came to mind. Barely remembered, as if in a dream. Like something I'd heard before in passing. And yet… at the same time some instinct of mine was almost screaming at me that this was vitally important.

That one word? Worm.

Nothing else came no matter how much I looked for it within my mind. The sense of extreme urgency had faded too. An inquiry whet as much context as I could provide my hitchhiker returned the conceptual equivalent of a shrug. It didn't know either.

Huh.

Oh well, I'd figure it out soon enough.

A hail came in from Dragon, interrupting my concentration.

That was quick.

"Hi Dragon!" I greeted her after accepting the hail. "Why did you call me so fast-?"

I trailed off when my eyes landed on the transmission. Specifically, its occupants. Three of the seven people standing in Director Piggot's office.

Dragon, of course.

Director Piggot herself. She didn't look so good. I would've wondered why if my eyes hadn't found the visor of the third person.

Alexandria.

"Weldon, we need to talk," the black clad heroine stated.

I'm not remotely ashamed to admit I gulped nervously.

badger.black · Sep 28, 2018

Oh man, the fun just keeps piling up!

It makes me happy to see Dragon get a body that can be human if she wants to, lord knows she is a better example of it them many people.

Alexandria and company are likely losing there collective shit and have a desperate need to get control of the situation, which is going to be fun to see how it plans out. Lisa is still just laying there with tumors though? Unless I messed something. And my God I cant wait for him to drop the best Ziz bomb ever.

Did I mention I love this? Because I love this. Weldon has dove right into the deep end of things without knowing. Good thing he has a God damn Endbringer killing Battleship to be his 'Big Stick' if he needs to argue.

RichardWhereat · Sep 28, 2018

Talk, or 'Talk'..

Oh, this is in the Creative Writing forum, not the NSFW Creative Writing section. Damn.

Ancient Legos [Worm/Stargate]

(Unverified God/Space Snek)

(Unverified God/Space Snek)

Creator of Worlds

(Unverified God/Space Snek)

Versed in the lewd.

Connoisseur.

Creator of Worlds

I trust you know where the happy button is?

Your first time is always over so quickly, isn't it?

Versed in the lewd.

Prepare the Titans.

Well worn.

Hahaha! ... Waitaminute... Oh God NO!

Versed in the lewd.

Lewd the loli!

Versed in the lewd.

Just zis guy, you know?

Your first time is always over so quickly, isn't it?

Lewd Lurker

(Unverified God/Space Snek)

Versed in the lewd.

Making the rounds.

(Unverified God/Space Snek)

Versed in the lewd.

(Unverified God/Space Snek)

Versed in the lewd.

(Unverified God/Space Snek)

(Unverified God/Space Snek)

Drunken Woodland Mammal

Aia airëa Fëanáro.

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