The feeling of being shunted across dimensions wasn't one that was really describable. It was...
-
The site has now migrated to Xenforo 2. If you see any issues with the forum operation, please post them in the feedback thread.
-
Due to issues with external spam filters, QQ is currently unable to send any mail to Microsoft E-mail addresses. This includes any account at live.com, hotmail.com or msn.com. Signing up to the forum with one of these addresses will result in your verification E-mail never arriving. For best results, please use a different E-mail provider for your QQ address.
-
The rules regarding NSFW links have been updated. See here for details.
Artificer [Worm/Essence Meta CYOA - SI]
- Thread starter UrielCifer
- Start date
-
- Tags
- self-insert worm
- Created at
- Index progress
- Incomplete
- Watchers
- 503
- Recent readers
- 0
- Threadmarks
- 1
-
Statistics (1 threadmarks, 2.8k words)
User Total UrielCifer 1 Threadmarks Reader mode
Chapter One
UrielCifer
Your first time is always over so quickly, isn't it?
- Joined
- Feb 8, 2022
- Messages
- 2
- Likes received
- 119
The feeling of being shunted across dimensions wasn't one that was really describable. It was like something eldritch, something that you could know to exist, but completely and utterly ineffable to your senses. You could see it, but not know its features. You could hear it, but couldn't recognize its voice. It was strange, to say the least.
Which was why I was both relieved, and disgusted when the swirling dimensional vortex spat me out in the middle of an alleyway, right into a puddle of muck.
With a face of disgust I lifted myself out of the probable biological hazard, trying in vain to wipe the shit and trash off of my now thoroughly soiled clothes. They weren't anything special, just jeans and a long sleeved shirt, but they were mine, dammit, and the only thing I had on this god-forsaken rock called Earth Bet.
Oh, right. I never said anything about what I was doing here, was I? Well, let me spin you, my hypothetical audience, a tale as old as fan fiction.
Unsuspecting victim, ie: me, wanders across a certain website on the internet titled the 'Essence Meta CYOA.' Of course, this unsuspecting victim clicks on said website out of curiosity, and proceeds to pick and choose the Essences they desire. Unsuspecting victim then writes out the Essences he chose, and then proceeds to go about his day, as per usual.
For most, that'd be the end of it. But, oh ho! Not so for this unsuspecting victim, the chaotic forces of the universe, aka ROB, says.
Thus, the unsuspecting victim finds himself sitting across a desk from a man-shaped blob of complete and utter nothingness. Unsuspecting victim, expectedly, freaks out about the sudden change in venue. Man-shaped nothingness laughs, and puts forth a deal to unsuspecting victim. The terms of the deal were as such:
'I give you all the power you want, and all you have to do is entertain me for a time.'
No seriously, the man-shaped nothing had it written out on a sheet of paper and everything, the signing line with the big 'X' at the front included.
The unsuspecting victim, after calming down a moment, decides in a moment of delusional whimsy that everything he is experiencing is a very vivid hallucination, and stupidly signs on the line. The next thing the unsuspecting victim knows, and he's being sent tumbling through the space between multiverses, aimed right for the hunk of shit waiting to be flushed called Earth Bet, from the story called Worm.
And thus, we've arrived at the unfortunate present! Are you entertained yet, ROB? Cause no one else is laughing!
I sighed, cutting off my little internal monologue. Honestly, if just being sent through an eldritch dimensional portal was enough to have me talking to myself, even if just in my head, I really wasn't optimistic about my chances in the fucking Worm Universe. Still, I had to at least try and do something interesting, else ROB might get bored and smite me, or whatever.
"Hey, you!"
Hearing the gruff, gravelly voice that called out from behind me, along with the telltale click of a hammer being primed, had me already promising vicious revengeance upon the ROB that had sent me here.
I turned around, slowly, and got a good look at the blatant 'couldn't look more like a druggie if I tried' stereotype standing before me. Balding scalp, sallow skin, blackened and rotting teeth, obvious scarring on the arms and nostrils. Ratty clothes that seemed to be almost falling off of his borderline anorexic frame.
"Yes? Can I help you with anything?" I tried to keep my voice as dry as I could, and I succeeded rather well, in my not-so-biased opinion.
Apparently, the druggie didn't like my tone. With a growl, the man fired a shot off at my feet, setting bits of concrete dust into my face from the force. I barely blinked. Yeah, something about me: Self-preservation was really not something I excelled at. Like, I could have a bear roar in my face and I'd try and touch it kind of lack of self-preservation. Stupid, I know, but meh.
I just stared at the druggie a bit more. "Was that supposed to do something?"
Mr. Druggie's eyes bulged and some veins in his forehead pulsed. "Dammit, gimme all yer fucking evr'thin, ya fuckin cunt rag!" Wow. The linguistic skills of what I assume to be a Merchant leave me in awe, awe I say.
"Well, if you had used your eyes and looked," I drawled, rolling my eyes at the terrible grammar of the druggie. "You would notice that I'm in barely any position to give you anything at all, given I don't have anything on me."
It took the Merchant a few seconds to parse my 'big-boy words,' and when he did he took a quote-unquote "threatening" step forwards. He raised the gun again and pointed it right at my face, though it was shaking enough that I doubted that the guy would be able to hit anything but the wall behind me, maybe my shoulder, if he was lucky.
"Lis'n 'ere, fuckin shitstain," the merchant growled, again 'threateningly.' "You's gonna gimme all ya fuggin money, an' eva'thin else ya got on ya, or Imma put a bulle' in yer fuckin brain! Got tha' you monkey-fucker?!"
I just blinked. "I mean, I could do that," I said leadingly. "Or, I could do something, like-" I leaned forwards, getting in the man's guard even as he panicked and fired off again, sending chunks of brickwork over the both of us.
I grabbed the merchant's flailing gun arm by the wrist, and punched his elbow as hard as I could. A sickening crack sounded out, and the merchant's arm was bending the other way. His gun dropped out of limp fingers, and I kicked the weapon away. It was unnecessary now.
Another step and a sweep of my legs, and the merchant fell flat on his ass, cradling his arm and flailing and twitching as he cried in agony. I just rolled my eyes.
"You know," I said conversationally over the man's screams, crouching down next to his head. "This is why you people need to actually look at the people you try to rob. If you pulled this stunt on anyone halfway competent in self-defense, and you'd have ended up in just the same way, if not worse than how I'll be leaving you." It seemed the merchant didn't care to listen to me, given he was still screaming and rolling around like a pig in mud.
I shrugged, unconcerned. "Oh well." Then I jerked the man up by his collar, and nailed him in the nose. A crack echoed, and the man's screams redoubled though they were more blubbery now that his nose, and many of his facial bones, were now either cracked or broken. Another fist to thee face, and the man finally shut up, unconscious or as close to it as was possible while still awake.
I stood back up, skating my hand and trying to flick off the blood that had stained my skin. Turning towards the entrance of the alley, I saw that there was a pair of what looked like teenagers standing there, gawking at me.
The left one, a slightly taller-than-average kid in a white suit decorated with clock faces, seemed to be holding in laughter, as evidenced by his shaking shoulders. The other one, a short girl dressed in a green skirt with a visor on the top half of her face, was looking at me with a slightly disbelieving tilt to her mouth.
I quirked a brow at them. "What? You want an autograph or something?" It seemed that was enough to set of the clock-based Ward, as he soon devolved into cackling hyena laughter. The green teen just sighed at her teammate.
I ignored the guffaws of Clockblocker and focused on Vista. "So? Got any reason why you two decided to just stand there while I dealt with that?"
Vista winced slightly at that, and turned away just a tad. "W-Well, it seemed like you had it under control. Plus, Wards aren't supposed to actively engage without permission, which we didn't have."
I waved a hand. "Excuses, though i suppose they're acceptable given that no one except ugly over there was harmed, and he had that coming. But for future reference?" I stared at the girl in her visor, and she stood straighter. "If you see someone in danger, regulations or no, permission or no, you save them, got it?"
The green clad pre-heroine looked at me for a moment longer, her mouth slightly open in apparent shock before she collected herself and nodded. "Got it, sir."
I gave her a nod in return. "Good. Now, you both should be getting on now. I'll get this bozo somewhere so the proper authorities can take care of him." Vista nodded again, and made a gesture to the still chuckling Clockblocker. The duo started to walk off, with the both of them turning to wave at me before they disappeared around a corner.
I went and grabbed the merchant, dragging him out and propping him up against the nearest wall. I looked around a bit, and saw a woman walking closer to me. I flagged her down.
"Excuse me, ma'am," I asked politely. "WOuld it be a bother if I were to borrow your phone for a moment? I'd like to call this idiot in with the police, but my device was broken during our little scuffle."
The woman flinched a bit when I addressed her, but she nodded her acquiescence. "Alright, 's long as it doesn't take too long."
I nodded in thanks to her. "Not a problem, miss," I assured as I dialed 911. "It shouldn't take very long at all.
Several minutes later, the police came by and picked up the merchant. I gave them my statement, omitting the part about my sudden and unplanned dimensional travel, and then we all went on our merry separate ways.
Well, merry for most of us. I was still covered in muck, exhausted, and with no place to call my own. Well, not really, but I hadn't tried to use any of my Essences yet, so until I managed to figure out how to do that, I was without shelter.
Seems like I knew what I was going to do next, then.
Walking through the streets of a city that I'd previously known only through fiction was a somewhat novel experience. It was rather sullied though by the fact that it was Brockton bay that I was walking through, the cape capital of the USA, and one of the most crime infested cities in the American country.
The titles were earned for a reason. As I walked closer towards the beaches of the bay, the structures and constructions became worse and worse. More of the buildings became pitted with holes and what I assumed to be buckshot scars. More windows were broken, the shattered glass still lying where they first landed.
Streets and sidewalks became more pitted with dents and potholes, and the graffiti and gang tags grew almost exponentially in number. I also took notice of how they were becoming more and more East Asian inspired and themed, and the increased presence of red and green in them.
I knew that the ABB, Lung's gang, was situated in the Docks, which I guess let me know where I was in the city. Luckily, no gang members afflicted me with their presence on my trip to the Boat Graveyard, and I made it to the beach in rather short order.
And now I could finally discover if what the ROB promised was true.
Using the bits of meditation and breathing techniques that I knew, I tried to focus on something out of place within me, to see if I could make them activate, or work, or whatever I had to do to get the Essences to operate like how they were supposed to.
I searched deep within myself, and… found what I assumed was the right thing almost immediately. What, were you expecting some big explosive find, like something from Naruto or Dragon Ball? Please, the real world doesn't work like that, my hypothetical audience.
I shook my head, grimacing at how my thoughts had tengented into talking to myself again. I tried to focus back on what I assumed were the Essences that I had chosen.
All six of them were burning within the core of my being, what I assume most would call my 'soul.' I didn't doubt that that was the place they had decided to situate, given how deeply in twined the Essences should become with a person once they are imbibed.
I reached out towards the Essences, each of them an individual flame burning within a larger inferno. I knew with a certainty I didn't know I could muster that once I activated these Essences, there would be no going back to what I used to be. I would be completely and utterly different. Would I be prepared for that?
'Fuck it.' And I touched the inferno.
Blazing power rushed through my veins, though not in the sense that most would have expected. My body was strengthened to the peak of human ability and then some, but it stopped there. I felt my appearance shift towards something more ideally me, but it wasn't anything too crazy. No, the power I felt rushing through me went almost entirely to my mind.
Locks that I didn't know existed shattered as the power touched my mind, and I felt as if everything was different, despite remaining exactly the same. Knowledge poured into my mind from sources unknown, and I felt the potential of what could be rise to the forefront of my mind.
Machines of limitless power, hordes of cybernetically enhanced homunculi, nanomachine swarms that could shape and reshape landscapes with but a thought, tools and utilities that boggled the mind and allowed the facilitation of near-infinite possibilities to go from mere fantasy to reality.
I sucked in a deep breath as the information and blueprints and Ideas swam to my mind from wherever they had recessed, and I tried to calm myself from the overload of information, knowledge, and sheer potential. Several long moments of battle with an uncooperative mind, and the ideas waned, leaning into the darkness of my subconscious, ready to be called upon once more.
I slumped where I stood, opening my eyes and glancing around myself. Circuit-like details had been inscribed in the sand, all of them centering around me and extending for several meters. Bits of sand seemed to have been glassed as well, leaving the sun to gleam off the beach in patches of rainbow colored light.
I sighed, letting my body relax. I was drenched with sweat from the power that rushed through me, and I was left feeling thankful that I decided to come to the beach to do this. I didn't know what the effect could have done to my surroundings if they were concrete and brick instead of sand. Plus, this was much easier to hide away.
Shaking my head, I went about scuffing all of the marks from the sand and burying the glass as best I could. When I was done, it looked like someone pushed around a bunch of sand with their shoes, but it was better than the obviously supernatural marks it was before.
With that little thing done, I looked around the beach for a moment. No one was present from what I could see, but this city had Armsmaster and, occasionally, Dragon to monitor it, so I had no doubt there would be someone here in a matter of minutes to check on what was probably a massive energy spike.
Sure enough, if I strained my ears hard enough I could hear the telltale rumble of a massive vehicle on concrete, and it was getting louder.
"Alright," I muttered. "That's my cue to skedaddle." Raising a hand for dramatic effect, I snapped my fingers and channeled the Essence of my choice into the world.
A swirling, blue black tear in the fabric of reality opened before me, and I couldn't help but grin. With a step and a hop, I was through the portal. And with the tear in reality fabric snapped closed behind me, the only evidence of something having been there was the scuffs in the sand.
Which was why I was both relieved, and disgusted when the swirling dimensional vortex spat me out in the middle of an alleyway, right into a puddle of muck.
With a face of disgust I lifted myself out of the probable biological hazard, trying in vain to wipe the shit and trash off of my now thoroughly soiled clothes. They weren't anything special, just jeans and a long sleeved shirt, but they were mine, dammit, and the only thing I had on this god-forsaken rock called Earth Bet.
Oh, right. I never said anything about what I was doing here, was I? Well, let me spin you, my hypothetical audience, a tale as old as fan fiction.
Unsuspecting victim, ie: me, wanders across a certain website on the internet titled the 'Essence Meta CYOA.' Of course, this unsuspecting victim clicks on said website out of curiosity, and proceeds to pick and choose the Essences they desire. Unsuspecting victim then writes out the Essences he chose, and then proceeds to go about his day, as per usual.
For most, that'd be the end of it. But, oh ho! Not so for this unsuspecting victim, the chaotic forces of the universe, aka ROB, says.
Thus, the unsuspecting victim finds himself sitting across a desk from a man-shaped blob of complete and utter nothingness. Unsuspecting victim, expectedly, freaks out about the sudden change in venue. Man-shaped nothingness laughs, and puts forth a deal to unsuspecting victim. The terms of the deal were as such:
'I give you all the power you want, and all you have to do is entertain me for a time.'
No seriously, the man-shaped nothing had it written out on a sheet of paper and everything, the signing line with the big 'X' at the front included.
The unsuspecting victim, after calming down a moment, decides in a moment of delusional whimsy that everything he is experiencing is a very vivid hallucination, and stupidly signs on the line. The next thing the unsuspecting victim knows, and he's being sent tumbling through the space between multiverses, aimed right for the hunk of shit waiting to be flushed called Earth Bet, from the story called Worm.
And thus, we've arrived at the unfortunate present! Are you entertained yet, ROB? Cause no one else is laughing!
I sighed, cutting off my little internal monologue. Honestly, if just being sent through an eldritch dimensional portal was enough to have me talking to myself, even if just in my head, I really wasn't optimistic about my chances in the fucking Worm Universe. Still, I had to at least try and do something interesting, else ROB might get bored and smite me, or whatever.
"Hey, you!"
Hearing the gruff, gravelly voice that called out from behind me, along with the telltale click of a hammer being primed, had me already promising vicious revengeance upon the ROB that had sent me here.
I turned around, slowly, and got a good look at the blatant 'couldn't look more like a druggie if I tried' stereotype standing before me. Balding scalp, sallow skin, blackened and rotting teeth, obvious scarring on the arms and nostrils. Ratty clothes that seemed to be almost falling off of his borderline anorexic frame.
"Yes? Can I help you with anything?" I tried to keep my voice as dry as I could, and I succeeded rather well, in my not-so-biased opinion.
Apparently, the druggie didn't like my tone. With a growl, the man fired a shot off at my feet, setting bits of concrete dust into my face from the force. I barely blinked. Yeah, something about me: Self-preservation was really not something I excelled at. Like, I could have a bear roar in my face and I'd try and touch it kind of lack of self-preservation. Stupid, I know, but meh.
I just stared at the druggie a bit more. "Was that supposed to do something?"
Mr. Druggie's eyes bulged and some veins in his forehead pulsed. "Dammit, gimme all yer fucking evr'thin, ya fuckin cunt rag!" Wow. The linguistic skills of what I assume to be a Merchant leave me in awe, awe I say.
"Well, if you had used your eyes and looked," I drawled, rolling my eyes at the terrible grammar of the druggie. "You would notice that I'm in barely any position to give you anything at all, given I don't have anything on me."
It took the Merchant a few seconds to parse my 'big-boy words,' and when he did he took a quote-unquote "threatening" step forwards. He raised the gun again and pointed it right at my face, though it was shaking enough that I doubted that the guy would be able to hit anything but the wall behind me, maybe my shoulder, if he was lucky.
"Lis'n 'ere, fuckin shitstain," the merchant growled, again 'threateningly.' "You's gonna gimme all ya fuggin money, an' eva'thin else ya got on ya, or Imma put a bulle' in yer fuckin brain! Got tha' you monkey-fucker?!"
I just blinked. "I mean, I could do that," I said leadingly. "Or, I could do something, like-" I leaned forwards, getting in the man's guard even as he panicked and fired off again, sending chunks of brickwork over the both of us.
I grabbed the merchant's flailing gun arm by the wrist, and punched his elbow as hard as I could. A sickening crack sounded out, and the merchant's arm was bending the other way. His gun dropped out of limp fingers, and I kicked the weapon away. It was unnecessary now.
Another step and a sweep of my legs, and the merchant fell flat on his ass, cradling his arm and flailing and twitching as he cried in agony. I just rolled my eyes.
"You know," I said conversationally over the man's screams, crouching down next to his head. "This is why you people need to actually look at the people you try to rob. If you pulled this stunt on anyone halfway competent in self-defense, and you'd have ended up in just the same way, if not worse than how I'll be leaving you." It seemed the merchant didn't care to listen to me, given he was still screaming and rolling around like a pig in mud.
I shrugged, unconcerned. "Oh well." Then I jerked the man up by his collar, and nailed him in the nose. A crack echoed, and the man's screams redoubled though they were more blubbery now that his nose, and many of his facial bones, were now either cracked or broken. Another fist to thee face, and the man finally shut up, unconscious or as close to it as was possible while still awake.
I stood back up, skating my hand and trying to flick off the blood that had stained my skin. Turning towards the entrance of the alley, I saw that there was a pair of what looked like teenagers standing there, gawking at me.
The left one, a slightly taller-than-average kid in a white suit decorated with clock faces, seemed to be holding in laughter, as evidenced by his shaking shoulders. The other one, a short girl dressed in a green skirt with a visor on the top half of her face, was looking at me with a slightly disbelieving tilt to her mouth.
I quirked a brow at them. "What? You want an autograph or something?" It seemed that was enough to set of the clock-based Ward, as he soon devolved into cackling hyena laughter. The green teen just sighed at her teammate.
I ignored the guffaws of Clockblocker and focused on Vista. "So? Got any reason why you two decided to just stand there while I dealt with that?"
Vista winced slightly at that, and turned away just a tad. "W-Well, it seemed like you had it under control. Plus, Wards aren't supposed to actively engage without permission, which we didn't have."
I waved a hand. "Excuses, though i suppose they're acceptable given that no one except ugly over there was harmed, and he had that coming. But for future reference?" I stared at the girl in her visor, and she stood straighter. "If you see someone in danger, regulations or no, permission or no, you save them, got it?"
The green clad pre-heroine looked at me for a moment longer, her mouth slightly open in apparent shock before she collected herself and nodded. "Got it, sir."
I gave her a nod in return. "Good. Now, you both should be getting on now. I'll get this bozo somewhere so the proper authorities can take care of him." Vista nodded again, and made a gesture to the still chuckling Clockblocker. The duo started to walk off, with the both of them turning to wave at me before they disappeared around a corner.
I went and grabbed the merchant, dragging him out and propping him up against the nearest wall. I looked around a bit, and saw a woman walking closer to me. I flagged her down.
"Excuse me, ma'am," I asked politely. "WOuld it be a bother if I were to borrow your phone for a moment? I'd like to call this idiot in with the police, but my device was broken during our little scuffle."
The woman flinched a bit when I addressed her, but she nodded her acquiescence. "Alright, 's long as it doesn't take too long."
I nodded in thanks to her. "Not a problem, miss," I assured as I dialed 911. "It shouldn't take very long at all.
Several minutes later, the police came by and picked up the merchant. I gave them my statement, omitting the part about my sudden and unplanned dimensional travel, and then we all went on our merry separate ways.
Well, merry for most of us. I was still covered in muck, exhausted, and with no place to call my own. Well, not really, but I hadn't tried to use any of my Essences yet, so until I managed to figure out how to do that, I was without shelter.
Seems like I knew what I was going to do next, then.
Walking through the streets of a city that I'd previously known only through fiction was a somewhat novel experience. It was rather sullied though by the fact that it was Brockton bay that I was walking through, the cape capital of the USA, and one of the most crime infested cities in the American country.
The titles were earned for a reason. As I walked closer towards the beaches of the bay, the structures and constructions became worse and worse. More of the buildings became pitted with holes and what I assumed to be buckshot scars. More windows were broken, the shattered glass still lying where they first landed.
Streets and sidewalks became more pitted with dents and potholes, and the graffiti and gang tags grew almost exponentially in number. I also took notice of how they were becoming more and more East Asian inspired and themed, and the increased presence of red and green in them.
I knew that the ABB, Lung's gang, was situated in the Docks, which I guess let me know where I was in the city. Luckily, no gang members afflicted me with their presence on my trip to the Boat Graveyard, and I made it to the beach in rather short order.
And now I could finally discover if what the ROB promised was true.
Using the bits of meditation and breathing techniques that I knew, I tried to focus on something out of place within me, to see if I could make them activate, or work, or whatever I had to do to get the Essences to operate like how they were supposed to.
I searched deep within myself, and… found what I assumed was the right thing almost immediately. What, were you expecting some big explosive find, like something from Naruto or Dragon Ball? Please, the real world doesn't work like that, my hypothetical audience.
I shook my head, grimacing at how my thoughts had tengented into talking to myself again. I tried to focus back on what I assumed were the Essences that I had chosen.
All six of them were burning within the core of my being, what I assume most would call my 'soul.' I didn't doubt that that was the place they had decided to situate, given how deeply in twined the Essences should become with a person once they are imbibed.
I reached out towards the Essences, each of them an individual flame burning within a larger inferno. I knew with a certainty I didn't know I could muster that once I activated these Essences, there would be no going back to what I used to be. I would be completely and utterly different. Would I be prepared for that?
'Fuck it.' And I touched the inferno.
Blazing power rushed through my veins, though not in the sense that most would have expected. My body was strengthened to the peak of human ability and then some, but it stopped there. I felt my appearance shift towards something more ideally me, but it wasn't anything too crazy. No, the power I felt rushing through me went almost entirely to my mind.
Locks that I didn't know existed shattered as the power touched my mind, and I felt as if everything was different, despite remaining exactly the same. Knowledge poured into my mind from sources unknown, and I felt the potential of what could be rise to the forefront of my mind.
Machines of limitless power, hordes of cybernetically enhanced homunculi, nanomachine swarms that could shape and reshape landscapes with but a thought, tools and utilities that boggled the mind and allowed the facilitation of near-infinite possibilities to go from mere fantasy to reality.
I sucked in a deep breath as the information and blueprints and Ideas swam to my mind from wherever they had recessed, and I tried to calm myself from the overload of information, knowledge, and sheer potential. Several long moments of battle with an uncooperative mind, and the ideas waned, leaning into the darkness of my subconscious, ready to be called upon once more.
I slumped where I stood, opening my eyes and glancing around myself. Circuit-like details had been inscribed in the sand, all of them centering around me and extending for several meters. Bits of sand seemed to have been glassed as well, leaving the sun to gleam off the beach in patches of rainbow colored light.
I sighed, letting my body relax. I was drenched with sweat from the power that rushed through me, and I was left feeling thankful that I decided to come to the beach to do this. I didn't know what the effect could have done to my surroundings if they were concrete and brick instead of sand. Plus, this was much easier to hide away.
Shaking my head, I went about scuffing all of the marks from the sand and burying the glass as best I could. When I was done, it looked like someone pushed around a bunch of sand with their shoes, but it was better than the obviously supernatural marks it was before.
With that little thing done, I looked around the beach for a moment. No one was present from what I could see, but this city had Armsmaster and, occasionally, Dragon to monitor it, so I had no doubt there would be someone here in a matter of minutes to check on what was probably a massive energy spike.
Sure enough, if I strained my ears hard enough I could hear the telltale rumble of a massive vehicle on concrete, and it was getting louder.
"Alright," I muttered. "That's my cue to skedaddle." Raising a hand for dramatic effect, I snapped my fingers and channeled the Essence of my choice into the world.
A swirling, blue black tear in the fabric of reality opened before me, and I couldn't help but grin. With a step and a hop, I was through the portal. And with the tear in reality fabric snapped closed behind me, the only evidence of something having been there was the scuffs in the sand.
SluggyBuggy
Unspecified Religious Crusader
- Joined
- Jan 24, 2020
- Messages
- 29
- Likes received
- 407
I have no clue what essences you chose, but i can take a quiet guess. Me likey, and you writey well!
This can only go well from here, totally not chaos incarnate.
This can only go well from here, totally not chaos incarnate.
Xcell
Know what you're doing yet?
- Joined
- Dec 7, 2019
- Messages
- 249
- Likes received
- 629
(Lis'n 'ere, fuckin shitstain," the merchant growled, again 'threateningly.' "You's gonna gimme all ya fuggin money, an' eva'thin else ya got on ya, or Imma put a bulle' in yer fuckin brain! Got tha' you monkey-fucker?!")
Look just do what fry does and just slowly start taking off your pants for the merchant robbing you.
Look just do what fry does and just slowly start taking off your pants for the merchant robbing you.
Jure
Know what you're doing yet?
- Joined
- Sep 5, 2021
- Messages
- 181
- Likes received
- 2,981
I don't mean this as an insult but nothing original has happened so far. The character feels generic and I'm pretty sure this is like every iteration of the Lung fight ever. Hopefully, there will be more prominent changes later.
GeekGod_of_Speed
I trust you know where the happy button is?
- Joined
- May 10, 2022
- Messages
- 512
- Likes received
- 3,340
Please have him main a bow, I don't see archers often in fanfiction and it allows modular effects while sticking with the medieval aesthetic he has
mpbjunkie
I trust you know where the happy button is?
- Joined
- Feb 27, 2021
- Messages
- 727
- Likes received
- 3,332
Thanks for the story. I too found the MC a tad generic. I also found that the tinkering session begun a bit too abruptly and that MC could have been more creative in his choices.
I don't want to sound too negative, this is meant as constructive criticism and you can take it or leave it. I'm having fun and will keep on reading.
I don't want to sound too negative, this is meant as constructive criticism and you can take it or leave it. I'm having fun and will keep on reading.
Eragon13579
Getting out there.
- Joined
- Jul 11, 2019
- Messages
- 16
- Likes received
- 140
Great story so far! The grammar is well above average for a fanfic, especially by QQ standards, and the plot seems interesting and reasonable so far. I personally love the Essence CYOA, and there's not nearly enough fics that use it out there that are worth reading. Picking a theme for your characters powers and sticking to it was a good idea as well, many CYOA fics seem to have problems with that, either just stacking powers willy nilly or randomly picking and choosing without really seeming to think it through.
Your character could use some more fleshing out, but given that this is only two chapters in, that's understandable. My impression of him so far is that he seems kind of bland though, the only thing that stood out at all was his recklessness. I would recommend giving him some more quirks of some kind, because he seems competent and his powers are well above average, which can quickly lead to a Gary Stu situation.
I've found that a great way to avoid that is to lean heavily into eccentric behaviour, make reading about his antics entertaining for more than just getting shit done. A great example of this is Forging a Waifu Harem by Infonticus.
I'm looking forward to reading more of this, so keep up the great work!
Your character could use some more fleshing out, but given that this is only two chapters in, that's understandable. My impression of him so far is that he seems kind of bland though, the only thing that stood out at all was his recklessness. I would recommend giving him some more quirks of some kind, because he seems competent and his powers are well above average, which can quickly lead to a Gary Stu situation.
I've found that a great way to avoid that is to lean heavily into eccentric behaviour, make reading about his antics entertaining for more than just getting shit done. A great example of this is Forging a Waifu Harem by Infonticus.
I'm looking forward to reading more of this, so keep up the great work!
EclipsingDragonMoon
Fate Simp
- Joined
- Mar 31, 2022
- Messages
- 7,631
- Likes received
- 87,413
Interesting. This has potential. The main issue with Essence fics is the balancing of a good story and just how OP the Essence are, but if you can deal with that this has a lot of potential.
TheToFu
ToFu
- Joined
- Jun 13, 2020
- Messages
- 3,055
- Likes received
- 60,694
Good start so far, I can already see alot of potential here since he can both summon his supply and craft any tech he needs. The rings ideas were a nice touch for style of combat since he gave each ring a purpose so that's a massive flex and could cover alot of the gaps in his arsenal. Still have necklace slot open along with watch, wrist or arm guard, and even weapon options are very much still open for him.
He's a little too punch happy since he could have just held Lung under the bay till he taps out, but that power spin move was a very nice touch. I look forward to some Armsmaster trolling and further developments of the MC.
My only gripe is the whole Taylor thing but that's only minor and this is only the opening chapters.
This is going on my watch and follow list.
He's a little too punch happy since he could have just held Lung under the bay till he taps out, but that power spin move was a very nice touch. I look forward to some Armsmaster trolling and further developments of the MC.
My only gripe is the whole Taylor thing but that's only minor and this is only the opening chapters.
This is going on my watch and follow list.
Mgunh1
MONKE
- Joined
- Aug 4, 2014
- Messages
- 1,482
- Likes received
- 9,873
I hate region-locked content on youtube -.-
Could you tell us what that video was supposed to be so I can search up a more user friendly version?
Xcell
Know what you're doing yet?
- Joined
- Dec 7, 2019
- Messages
- 249
- Likes received
- 629
It was fry from Futurama getting mugged and he starts to take off his pants because he's too scared to reach into his pants to find his wallet. So he decides to start to take off his entire pants and the mugger like I don't like what I'm seeing here.
Mastersgt
Well worn.
- Joined
- Dec 26, 2019
- Messages
- 5,471
- Likes received
- 37,503
So... What we know for sure, is that the MC has Essence of Home, Scholar, Crafter, Mad Doctor, and Archmage...
I'd have preferred he grabbed more, or different ones. Since he has only one more Essence free, and I'd have wanted him to have Essence of Blank, for its Infinite Potential for Growth/Improvement, and Essence of Self, so the MC would be immune to any kind of Manipulation to his mind/body/soul, so he would be safe from precogs(If I remember right), and his powers/abilities could not be copied, stolen, suppressed, blocked, or destroyed/removed.forfff
Aside from those 2 must-haves, I'd have gone for stuff like Essence of the Binder, Breeder(or Sex God), Portalmaster(for the ability to travel to other worlds easily, though the MC should be able to whip something up with Archmage, Crafter, or both), and Mad Scientist.
I'd have preferred he grabbed more, or different ones. Since he has only one more Essence free, and I'd have wanted him to have Essence of Blank, for its Infinite Potential for Growth/Improvement, and Essence of Self, so the MC would be immune to any kind of Manipulation to his mind/body/soul, so he would be safe from precogs(If I remember right), and his powers/abilities could not be copied, stolen, suppressed, blocked, or destroyed/removed.forfff
Aside from those 2 must-haves, I'd have gone for stuff like Essence of the Binder, Breeder(or Sex God), Portalmaster(for the ability to travel to other worlds easily, though the MC should be able to whip something up with Archmage, Crafter, or both), and Mad Scientist.
Omega.
Omega
- Joined
- May 1, 2023
- Messages
- 131
- Likes received
- 859
Rule 7 - Thread Necromancy
Will you be updating this story, because this is as good as any other story I can find that is decent.
A teenager? Please, he should go out and get Dragon, maybe the Dallon family and that's it. Unless he wants anyone else.
Imagine he has these:
Your intellectual faculties (mental capacity, mental focus, calculation, computation, cognition, competence, memory, wit, ingenuity, creativity, mental perception, learning capacity, deductive reasoning, inductive reasoning, visualization, analysis, instinct, intuition, self-awareness, composure, mentality, multi-tasking, etc.) are increased to the absolute maximum possible in all existence, and perhaps slightly beyond even that
Your intellect is not only exponential but also transcendent and flawless. The only possible cause for your making a mental error would be the garbage-in-garbage-out principle, because your cognition is perfect within the limits of the data available. Even a supermassive quantum-computing Matrioshka Brain would be less than a protozoa compared to you. Your processing capacity also scales up without limit when necessary, to the point you could effortlessly solve any finite algorithm in a single unit of Planck time
You no longer have a subconscious, your intellect being enhanced to the point that you have a "supra-conscious" mind instead. Like a subconscious your supra-conscious is capable of performing both mental and neuro-physical actions as background tasks without needing you to actually focus on them (although your heightened focus and multi-tasking could let you simultaneously concentrate on any number of separate things if need be), but unlike a subconscious you may have your supra-consciousness execute almost any task or tasks that your conscious mind would be capable of, however complex, and have your conscious mind exert total control over its functions when necessary
Your supra-consciousness also gives you instantaneous and effortless access to every iota of every quality and characteristic that you possess, and every scrap of knowledge that you ever have acquired or ever will acquire. This grants you, among other things, a perfect memory with unlimited storage that is retroactive across your entire life to date to a degree bordering on postcognition
Your supra-consciousness also allows you to fully comprehend and control your emotional state. While you still have a normal capacity for emotion should you so choose, you never become emotionally compromised or traumatized by anything unless you allow it. Furthermore, your mind is capable of processing, resolving, and overcoming trauma with almost instantaneous speed when you focus on doing so, and will also autonomously use this self-repair capacity to return you to at least adequate mental functioning should your mind somehow be too catastrophically damaged to focus
Your intellectual expansion will not materially alter your personality against your will, although you may of course apply your newly heightened capacities for self-awareness and introspection towards the goal of personal growth and change if you want to. Otherwise you will still remain "yourself" as much as possible despite your new level of sentience, without risking the death of personality that can sometimes accompany transcendence
On the principle of a 'sound mind in a sound body', this essence grants you perfect health and average fitness for a member of your species. The heightened capacity for conscious bio-feedback that your supra-consciousness provides allows you to, among other things, maintain your level of physical fitness without deliberate exercise
Your intellect is not only exponential but also transcendent and flawless. The only possible cause for your making a mental error would be the garbage-in-garbage-out principle, because your cognition is perfect within the limits of the data available. Even a supermassive quantum-computing Matrioshka Brain would be less than a protozoa compared to you. Your processing capacity also scales up without limit when necessary, to the point you could effortlessly solve any finite algorithm in a single unit of Planck time
You no longer have a subconscious, your intellect being enhanced to the point that you have a "supra-conscious" mind instead. Like a subconscious your supra-conscious is capable of performing both mental and neuro-physical actions as background tasks without needing you to actually focus on them (although your heightened focus and multi-tasking could let you simultaneously concentrate on any number of separate things if need be), but unlike a subconscious you may have your supra-consciousness execute almost any task or tasks that your conscious mind would be capable of, however complex, and have your conscious mind exert total control over its functions when necessary
Your supra-consciousness also gives you instantaneous and effortless access to every iota of every quality and characteristic that you possess, and every scrap of knowledge that you ever have acquired or ever will acquire. This grants you, among other things, a perfect memory with unlimited storage that is retroactive across your entire life to date to a degree bordering on postcognition
Your supra-consciousness also allows you to fully comprehend and control your emotional state. While you still have a normal capacity for emotion should you so choose, you never become emotionally compromised or traumatized by anything unless you allow it. Furthermore, your mind is capable of processing, resolving, and overcoming trauma with almost instantaneous speed when you focus on doing so, and will also autonomously use this self-repair capacity to return you to at least adequate mental functioning should your mind somehow be too catastrophically damaged to focus
Your intellectual expansion will not materially alter your personality against your will, although you may of course apply your newly heightened capacities for self-awareness and introspection towards the goal of personal growth and change if you want to. Otherwise you will still remain "yourself" as much as possible despite your new level of sentience, without risking the death of personality that can sometimes accompany transcendence
On the principle of a 'sound mind in a sound body', this essence grants you perfect health and average fitness for a member of your species. The heightened capacity for conscious bio-feedback that your supra-consciousness provides allows you to, among other things, maintain your level of physical fitness without deliberate exercise
By consuming the Essence of Ideal Growth, the crystallized essence of possibility and capability, you gain the following boons:
* Any limits you have are broken. You may improve any aspect of yourself, including those aspects that normally could not be improved at all, to an infinite extent. While you may not be unstoppable now, time is all you will need before you surpass everyone.
* The passage of time lends you strength and even when doing absolutely nothing you may passively grow as if you were doing all-out training at a modest rate of improvement. If you were to put any actual effort into improving then this growth would gain an astronomical boost. You have total control over where any growth is allocated, will never advance further or faster than you are comfortable with, and have an exact awareness of your amassed capabilities and how they measure up.
* So long as a particular skill, trait, or power exists within your local context, and you have a basic understanding of what it is and entails, you have the potential to develop it. This does not require educational resources or external aids and disregards entirely the limitations of your physiology and metaphysiology. You may even develop traits that one is normally only born with.
* Development in any area will never preclude or hamper development in any other area, and as such you may safely acquire mutually-incompatible traits. This is to such an extent that in a Xianxia world you could simultaneously cultivate dozens of distinct foundations without any issue.
* As they improve, your skills, qualities, powers, techniques, and perks may develop a degree of potency, applicability, and versatility that defies their normal limits. With sufficiently good balance you could walk on intangible holograms.
* Since improvement necessitates the removal of flaws, you may use training to remove vulnerabilities, crippling effects, and requirements. As an otherwise ordinary human you could eventually erode away your hunger completely, allowing you to not only go without eating but deny conservation of mass as your body generates replacement tissues without absorbing any external material.
* Your powers and internal power supplies cannot be removed, drained, suppressed, weakened, copied, altered, controlled, or otherwise manipulated against your wishes, even if you were somehow mind-controlled. You may toggle any of your powers from fully off to fully on, or anywhere in between. You may even permanently shed powers or abilities if you find that you truly do not enjoy them, only to retrain them later if you change your mind. You cannot ever be forced to use this metaphorical dimmer-switch against yourself.
* Time is your ally and you will never be lessened by the passage of time, even in the subtlest of ways. No maintenance is required to retain the fullness of your powers, and no eternity is long enough to diminish your ability to enjoy life.
* At the time you first drink this Essence you will be cured of any and all physical ailments, psychological trauma, and other unwanted mental conditions, ailments, disabilities, etc.
* Any limits you have are broken. You may improve any aspect of yourself, including those aspects that normally could not be improved at all, to an infinite extent. While you may not be unstoppable now, time is all you will need before you surpass everyone.
* The passage of time lends you strength and even when doing absolutely nothing you may passively grow as if you were doing all-out training at a modest rate of improvement. If you were to put any actual effort into improving then this growth would gain an astronomical boost. You have total control over where any growth is allocated, will never advance further or faster than you are comfortable with, and have an exact awareness of your amassed capabilities and how they measure up.
* So long as a particular skill, trait, or power exists within your local context, and you have a basic understanding of what it is and entails, you have the potential to develop it. This does not require educational resources or external aids and disregards entirely the limitations of your physiology and metaphysiology. You may even develop traits that one is normally only born with.
* Development in any area will never preclude or hamper development in any other area, and as such you may safely acquire mutually-incompatible traits. This is to such an extent that in a Xianxia world you could simultaneously cultivate dozens of distinct foundations without any issue.
* As they improve, your skills, qualities, powers, techniques, and perks may develop a degree of potency, applicability, and versatility that defies their normal limits. With sufficiently good balance you could walk on intangible holograms.
* Since improvement necessitates the removal of flaws, you may use training to remove vulnerabilities, crippling effects, and requirements. As an otherwise ordinary human you could eventually erode away your hunger completely, allowing you to not only go without eating but deny conservation of mass as your body generates replacement tissues without absorbing any external material.
* Your powers and internal power supplies cannot be removed, drained, suppressed, weakened, copied, altered, controlled, or otherwise manipulated against your wishes, even if you were somehow mind-controlled. You may toggle any of your powers from fully off to fully on, or anywhere in between. You may even permanently shed powers or abilities if you find that you truly do not enjoy them, only to retrain them later if you change your mind. You cannot ever be forced to use this metaphorical dimmer-switch against yourself.
* Time is your ally and you will never be lessened by the passage of time, even in the subtlest of ways. No maintenance is required to retain the fullness of your powers, and no eternity is long enough to diminish your ability to enjoy life.
* At the time you first drink this Essence you will be cured of any and all physical ailments, psychological trauma, and other unwanted mental conditions, ailments, disabilities, etc.
Last edited by a moderator:
Generic_Generica
Verified kōhai
- Joined
- Feb 29, 2016
- Messages
- 7,518
- Likes received
- 188,290
ilikeFanfiction, please consult the rules:
Do not post in threads that have been inactive for more than a month if you do not have anything substantial to add. That post isn't nearly substantial enough. Begging for an update does not count as a significant contribution.
Also, I've merged your posts. Please don't triple-post, it bloats thread pagecount.
Let sleeping threads lie now.
Do not post in threads that have been inactive for more than a month if you do not have anything substantial to add. That post isn't nearly substantial enough. Begging for an update does not count as a significant contribution.
Also, I've merged your posts. Please don't triple-post, it bloats thread pagecount.
Let sleeping threads lie now.