Azula the Sacrificed(Avatar the Last Airbender)

[Blade4]

Iroh not going on his journey will radically change things but we are totally off the rails now as is.

Thing we're is trash that was named ozai run of to and what is his plan? He has to have some plan even if it is only madness in his head.

 

[Fencer]

This is heart wrenching, and Brilliant, and I need more.

 

[R.A.G.]

Wonder if Zuko will be keeping the eye or not. If he loses it I hope he develops thermal vision, mostly because it's a pity we never saw the temperature equivalent of earth-sense in the show.

 

[Akumakami64]

"You're kidding," Zuko said with wide eyes. Well, eye, rather. The injured prince was decidedly confined to the hospital bed and not allowed to wander off again.

"Nope," Ty Lee assured with a grin.

"There's no way that happened," Zuko refuted skeptically.

"It happened," Mai confirmed, smiling just a bit.

"I actually picked up and hugged Azula like that?" Zuko asked, trying and failing to imagine himself doing that. Hugging his sister was one thing, but doing it like that without her breaking a few of his fingers?

"Like she was your favorite stuffed toy," Mai elaborated, Ty Lee giggling.

"And you called-" Ty Lee started, only for Mai to cover her mouth quickly.

"She was going to say something stupid, ignore her," Mai instructed with a small blush.

Zuko looked uncertain. "But what did I-"

"Ignore her!" Mai insisted, giving Ty Lee a warning look, who just giggled behind the hand.

Zuko wisely decided to change track. "Okay...how long ago was this?"

"About a week ago. You've been, how would Azula put it? Very interesting when you had all that medicine in you," Ty Lee said with a devious, teasing smile.

"My honor is shivering," Zuko said blandly.

"...PFFFFT! Did you really just say that?!" Ty Lee questioned, holding her belly in mirth. Mai was keeping her composure, but just barely.

"Shut up, I'm out of it from the medicine," Zuko complained weakly. He sighed, rubbing the wrapping over his head. "I'm just glad my eye wasn't destroyed."

"Does that mean you'll be able to see out of it still?" Ty Lee asked in a hushed voice.

"I have no idea, just that it means I might be able to," Zuko answered, not sure to be hopeful or pessimistic. "But I still have my other eye. And the inside of my left ear seems to be fine. So, you know, it's not all bad," Zuko said, trying not to worry them.

The two girls nodded, falling silent. This was the first day they had talked to Zuko without his mind being too muddled by drugs. There were...sooooo many questions they wanted to ask, but it was hard to tell when it would feel less awkward to do so…or if it ever would.

"So, you shaved everything but your topknot?" Mai asked with a raised eyebrow. "You look like one of those traditionalists after losing an Agni Kai."

Zuko rolled his eye at that. "I figured it'd be easier this way. It'll grow back eventually," he waved off before cautiously looking over to where his sister lay in another bed, arms wrapped around herself in her sleep. "Has she really been staying the nights here?"

"Yeah. I don't know what happened, and I probably don't want to," Mai started, glancing at the sleeping form of the princess in concern. "But your mom tried taking Azula back to her own room while she slept, once."

"Did not try that again," Ty Lee remarked observantly.

"So weird seeing her laying there. Usually by now she'd be train with D-" Zuko stopped with a wince, and not from biting his tongue. Both girls watched in concern as Zuko wiped a hand over his face. "It still hardly feels real. I don't know how many times I thought I was waking up from a nightmare, only to realize it was real."

Mai glanced at Ty Lee, who was biting her lip in distress at not being able to find the words. "We have no idea what you're going through," Mai said bluntly, getting strange look from the other two. "I have no idea what it's like to have a father like Ozai. But we're here for you. Both of you," Mai assured, glancing to the princess as well.

"This feels...weird to ask, since you're the one with the burn," Ty Lee started cautiously. "But is she going to be alright?"

"Ty Lee, I'm going to be honest here, I am still figuring up how many of my recent memories are imagined and how many are real," Zuko answered with a sigh. "But I know she can't be taking it well. Da- He was always the one praising her, building her up, teaching her things. I'm closer to our mother, but I can't even imagine how I'd feel if she wanted to...end me," Zuko admitted softly.

There was a long moment before Ty Lee groaned, wiping both hands over her face. "I hate not knowing how to lighten the mood without sounding awful," she remarked moodily.

Zuko scratched his head uncomfortably as he tried to find something else to talk about. "Well, we're a bit out of good news around here. The only silver lining was the message from Uncle saying he'd be home within two weeks if the seas are kind," Zuko remarked, lowering his eyes. "But that's still connected to the fact that the siege of Ba Sing Se failed and we even lost Lu Ten."

Ty Lee gasped in remembrance as Mai shook her head. "You know, I didn't forget that happened, but it feels like it was so long ago after...everything else," Mai said delicately.

"Trust me, I know," Zuko agreed in a small voice. "It's been a streak of bad luck for the Fire Nation."

The Royal Family specifically, it went unsaid.

"So, honest question? Did I imagine Ty Lee bringing a poodle-monkey to cheer us up?" Zuko asked curiously.

"Yes, yes you did," Mai confirmed simply.

"I can bring one if you want though!" Ty Lee assured. "I just need to find one...and figure out how to sneak it into the palace...and hope you're not allergic to it...maybe train it? This is more complicated than I thought."

The amusing conversation did not go unnoticed by the other royal in the room.

Azula was very much awake, simply refusing to move or give any sign that she had stopped slumbering. She wasn't sure she was ready to talk to Zuko now that he was mostly in his right state of mind, and she certainly didn't have the strength for it after a conversation from earlier...

Flashback

Azula should be terrified.

"Are you sure you're okay with this, Azula?" Ursa asked, hand on her shoulder as they stood in the courtyard, seemingly empty.

Besides them.

And the guards at every entrance.

And the old man standing by the pond.

Azula just nodded with a resigned look about her face as she walked forward to the pond.

She really should be terrified.

"You summoned me, Firelord Azulon?" Azula greeted as she bowed to the man that had ordered her death.

That fact should make her want to bolt and run, even knowing it had all been a ruse to test her father. It wasn't rationality or bravery that allowed her to come before him so calmly. She wasn't sure what it was, really. Numbness? Hopelessness? Worthlessness?

"No."

Azula slowly blinked as the word echoed in her head. She looked up to see her grandfather staring down at her with an ancient face, the lines appearing deepened by his weariness and regrets. "No?" Azula repeated uncertainly. Her mother couldn't have been mistaken, could she? No one would possibly mix up who the Firelord did or did not summon, right?

"The Firelord did not summon you," he stated seriously, a small smile at the corner of his lips. "An old man asked to see his granddaughter."

Azula stared, uncomprehending as the man, a living symbol of the Fire Nation's might and power to challenge the whole world, lowered himself to sit by her at the pond. They sat in silence, Azula somehow now more nervous than before. "I...I don't understand."

"I've wronged you, Azula," Azulon stated with a frown, gazing up at the Sun, Agni's Gift to the world. "I don't expect you to understand or forgive me. But I am sorry for how I handled this."

"..." Azula stared, her hands trembling at her lap. She didn't know what to say. She didn't know how to deal with this situation. "I'm...I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to apologize for, Granddaughter," Azulon assured with remorse.

Yes, yes she did. She was a monster, right? She probably had to apologize for even being born. But she didn't say that. "I...It's my fault that Zuko got hurt, that Father escaped," she said with her head bowed.

"Hmm? How are you responsible for your brother?" Azulon questioned, not bothering to correct her about Ozai no longer being her father, legally.

"I overheard you and Father, your punishment for him. I...I went to Zuko's room. I told him. I just wanted to say goodbye," Azula said, her eyes watering as tears began to spill. "It...It was so stupid! If I hadn't said anything, Zuko wouldn't have gotten hurt! If...If I hadn't tried to attack Ozai, he wouldn't have gotten away!" she cried out, clutching her side, head bowing towards the ground.

Azulon pulled her into an embrace, resting her head against his shoulder.

"W-what?!" Azula exclaimed in disbelief. Azulon never hugged her, or anybody. Why was-?!

"I told you, Azula. The Firelord didn't summon you," Azulon stated solemnly. "And granddaughters don't need to bow themselves so low before their grandfathers."

Azula felt like she was crumbling into ashes in his embrace, her tears staining his royal robes. She could only utter a question. And she didn't even know what she was really asking anymore.

"Why?"

Azulon sagged, as if decades were trying to overtake him at once. "It's...complicated, Azula," he said, pulling her back gently. "I am an old man, child. Older than most ever hope to be. And knowing that Agni will call for my departure at any time leaves me with a desire to die with as few regrets as possible. But sometimes, avoiding one regret creates many more," he explained, staring into her broken eyes. "I wanted...I needed to know, Azula, if I was right about Ozai. I had to know if he had become the monster I thought he was."

Azula's eyes dilated at that word.

Azulon misread her reaction and continued. "If I was wrong, I would have known I had been blinded and biased against my youngest child. And that is a regret you will never want to bear, Azula, thinking the worst of your child yet knowing you might have been wrong, that your eyes had refused to see their true worth. But as I was right...I knew that Ozai would bring ruin to not only the Fire Nation, but our entire family if left alone. Yet I was a fool. I used you as bait for the very beast I sought to protect you from. You are not to blame for anything, child. You should have never been in a position where you thought your own family would kill you," Azulon apologized sincerely.

"...I understand, Grandfather," Azula whispered with a shaky voice. And she did, she really did. You didn't put down a high pedigree Ostrich-Horse unless you were sure it was beyond saving. There was a big difference between rabies and a bad attitude.

When did she start thinking like Uncle Iroh?

"Thank you, Granddaughter," he said gratefully, loosening his grip on her and allowing the princess to leave and return to her mother.

End Flashback

Azula had returned to the medical room, crawled into her bed before Zuko had awakened or her friends arrived. She didn't want to talk to them, didn't want them to see her right now as she came to terms with what she had been told.

She was a monster after all.

Azulon had said it himself; Ozai was a monster, who had been ready to strike down his own daughter. And Ozai had raised her, cultivated her in his likeness. And she was all too eager to learn from him, to imitate him, to become like him. She idolized him, wished it had been him on the throne instead of her grandfather or uncle.

She had smirked at the idea of her brother's death.

She felt some part of her wail in her head. She had been happy that Zuko was going to die, that he was the one to be sacrificed. Because she thought he was a weakling, that she was special and he was not, that this was the natural order of things.

Then it had been her instead. Her entire world shattered when her father accepted that.

And Zuko actually tried to save her.

She didn't deserve it, she wasn't worth it. She was a monster, raised by a monster, and had reveled in learning to be one herself.

But she couldn't die.

Death terrified her for multiple reasons now. Even worse than unknown was the known. That dream would become reality; locked in an urn of her own ashes until the end of time. If that was her fate, even as well-deserved as some part of her believed, then she wanted to savor life while she could. She selfishly wanted more memories that she didn't deserve to warm her soul for as long as she could cling to them against eternity.

Even if she wasn't so terrified of the Penance of Ash, the guilt of considering it gnawed at her. Zuko was scarred for life, and if she died now, it would be for nothing. The idea of Zuko's sacrifice being even more pointless made her want to vomit.

And...she had to know. She had to know why everyone kept lying to her. Why they said she wasn't a monster. Or, if they believed she wasn't, she had to know just what in her made them believe she was anything more than that.

She gritted her teeth, forcing herself not to make a sound. She felt like she was burning inside, like her own inner flame was trying to eat her alive. Maybe it would. Burn away everything Ozai had given her and leave something behind that was worth salvaging.

Maybe she could burn away her own monster and make her own soul a jar for it.

Meanwhile

Ursa stared mournfully at the room, a shattered wreck as great as any wild Komodo-Rhino could create in a tea shop.

Honestly, she had expected to walk into this. She just thought it would be her own room that she had shared with Ozai. That she would be the one wreaking this destruction. But she had done more screaming than destroying.

More importantly, this wasn't her room.

It was Azula's.

Ursa wasn't sure what to feel about this. Azula had a habit of burning things sometimes. It was common among firebending prodigies. It wasn't so much the burning that fascinated them as being able to control the flame and the burning. The tendencies usually faded away with time, the power becoming "normal" to them.

But this wasn't just burning anymore. Azula had been systematic destroying everything she could in the span of about three hours. Taking drawers apart, tearing out pillows and bedsheets, crushing and ripping anything she was able to. And then she would set it on fire, one bit at a time…never enough to lose control over, but enough to reduce it to ash in a timely manner.

That was the concerning part. This wasn't an outburst of rage or sorrow, this was deliberate and thought-out. Azula was trying to destroy everything she had.

Ursa wanted to curse Ozai, pray that whatever terrible creatures spawned Koh the Face-Stealer would seek out her former husband and visit upon him a fate worse than mortals could comprehend. But she didn't. Not this time.

Because this felt like that something more was wrong with her baby than what was already obvious.

"Can you teach me how to not be a monster?"

Ursa leaned on the wall for support as those words echoed hauntingly in her ear. Ozai was many things, but before this? He had spoiled Azula, praised her from one end of the Fire Nation to the other. Unless she missed Ozai jokingly refer to Azula as a monster in terms of being a gifted prodigy, she was positive that Ozai had never tried to call Azula anything other than his favored child.

So, if not Ozai, then where? Where had her daughter gotten this horrible idea that she was anything but a child? A clever, too-bright, very gifted child, but a child none the less.

She could see Zuko calling her that in a moment of spite, but that didn't seem enough to make Azula actually believe it. And she would have remembered Azula complaining about something like that. Could it have been Lu Ten? No, that boy had been far too sweet to her children, Iroh had raised him well. Iroh himself was out. Azulon didn't see his grandchildren often before all of this. Her tutors adored the chance to teach her. Her friends, maybe? But Azula wouldn't hesitate to mention such an insult to Ozai, and despite never being a loving couple, they did talk day to day, especially about the children.

Ursa froze, her eyes going wide. If one eliminates everything else, what remained must be the truth.

There weren't a lot of people in Azula's life. If she ruled out everyone she knew, or at least believed wouldn't or couldn't cause this, that only left one person.

"Can YOU teach me how to not be a monster?"

Herself.

Ursa almost felt sick. That couldn't be correct, could it? There was no way that she had somehow given Azula that impression, was there?

A crunching sound brought her numbly back to reality. Looking down, she saw a picture; A small family portrait, one of a set of four that Iroh had commissioned for them. It was back during the summer before the Siege began, when she believed herself to be pregnant again, only to find out it was a false alarm.

She lowly, gingerly picked up the portrait and examined its remains. Ozai had been torn out. Not burned, torn. But the picture was burned on one side. Burned just enough to burn Azula halfway off of the image, leaving just the likeness of Urza and Zuko.

Fresh tears dripped onto the charred remains of the portrait, unable to believe what her heart was telling her.

And all she could wonder was...

"Azula, my baby...what have I done to you?"

Meanwhile

From second in line to the throne to the most wanted man in the Fire Nation.

The irony was not lost on Ozai.

Getting out of the palace was easy. He had used a secret corridor and collected supplied he had stashed for such an occasion: money, fake papers, a sword, a knife, a plain change of clothes. And then...he waited.

The palace was swarming with guards, and so he waited in the deepest, oldest of the hidden chambers. He waited until he could feel the sun falling on the horizon. By then, they'd no longer suspect him in the palace.

A more short-sighted man would have tried to get some petty revenge. On whom, he didn't know; his foolish father, his weak wife, his pathetic son or perhaps his treacherous daughter? But it would not matter. He was disgraced, that would have spread through Caldera by now. Killing the entire family would just leave it to Iroh.

And end in Ozai's own death.

No, he'd take his time and wait patiently for his own vengeance. Besides, perhaps his spawns would one day be of use to him even now.

Sneaking out of Caldera was almost impossible thanks to it being within a dormant volcano. The natural walls were incredibly hard to scale by hand. There were, however, ways out of Caldera that few knew of, such as secret passages only big enough for one person at a time. They were commissioned by nobles in the past, long before the reign of Sozin some said, for those wanting a quick escape route…from enemies within rather than without no doubt.

He had been...fortunate enough to pilfer the location of one from a noble, begging him not to expose his son as a coward that fled from the navy with a tale of being taken prisoner by raiders from the Southern Water Tribe. Ozai considered the information quite worth it, seeing as the boy was sent out a week later. After all, survivors make for great soldiers no?

He was honestly grateful that luck was in his favor in one aspect: it was the night of the new moon. Caldera had a modest patrol outside its perimeters, along the top of the mountain. It would have been most unfortunate, for him and them, if he had to kill some foolish guards and risk drawing the others to him.

It would be a waste of lives and, more importantly, his time.

He managed to flee to a village three days away. He bitterly realized that his fake papers would be of no help securing passage out of the Fire Nation. It would take a week for the news to properly spread to the masses, but by three days? Every military base and major city between Caldera and Iroh himself would have heard the news by then.

But news traveled slowly to smaller villages. It allowed him to safely spin a sob story about a dying wife to get passage down the southern Inlet of Quhou from a local fisherman. A small payment incentive got the man to take him immediately instead of waiting for morning.

The darkness of night made it rather easy to dispose of the body and recollect the coins, even if he had to rely on a knife and his muscles instead of his firebending.

He had allies he could reach out to, but few he was positive wouldn't sell him out. He'd sell himself out in their position. The reward for his head could be everything up to being considered a minor noble.

Honestly, Ozai privately admitted that if anyone besides his brother and father managed to kill him, they had probably earned that at least.

There was one man he believed he could rely on. One man who would profit more from Ozai's slim chance of taking the throne than by the paltry honor of slaying a nameless, wanted man like Ozai.

Which was why he was sitting in some dilapidated inn, out in the middle of nowhere along the forested coast far south of Caldera. It would be noisy, the lowlifes enjoying their vulgar selves.

Or they would be if they weren't all dead, burnt husks…even the barmaid who flirted with him.

It made it easier to have a secret meeting with no witnesses.

Tracing a coin as he waited, he made a mental note not to make a habit of paying people he was about to kill. Getting the coins back off a corpse could be tedious and messy.

He looked to the door as it opened, smirking at the man who entered. He took no surprise or displeasure in the carnage, almost amused with the smirk on his face. "You look like you've seen better days," he remarked, catching himself before addressing Ozai by name. They never knew who might be listening.

Despite his mood, Ozai shared the smirk. "Glad you could join me, Zhao."

End of Chapter

Well, lot of little things happening, along with that ominous ending. You all knew I couldn't just kill off Ozai. But, in better news, Ursa is beginning to understand the issue with Azula and Azulon is...trying, obbviously. And Zuko is recovering! So, you know, at least one of the royal is doing better. But Azula is kind of just drowning in her own misery.

Not much else to say. Hope you all enjoyed this.

 

[Gaemnomut]

Nice, I like all the details you added in. The little bits about Agni, the stuff about young firebenders burning stuff, ... Makes it feel more real. Also, imo a trail of bodies would be far more noticeable than if Ozai had simply tried to pass without issue. I wonder if his fall made him more unhinged or if he was always like that and his position of power simply gave him other ways to deal with people.

Also, caught a typo:

"So weird seeing her laying there. Usually by now she'd be train(ing) with D-" Zuko stopped with a wince, and not from biting his tongue. Both girls watched in concern as Zuko wiped a hand over his face. "It still hardly feels real. I don't know how many times I thought I was waking up from a nightmare, only to realize it was real."

Click to shrink...

And a minor quibble I thought I'd mention. Since Zuko seems to call Ozai "dad" wouldn't he call Ursa, who he was closer to, "mom"? Instead, here he calls her "our mother". It's fine either way, I just thought I'd mention it.

"Ty Lee, I'm going to be honest here, I am still figuring up how many of my recent memories are imagined and how many are real," Zuko answered with a sigh. "But I know she can't be taking it well. Da- He was always the one praising her, building her up, teaching her things. I'm closer to our mother, but I can't even imagine how I'd feel if she wanted to...end me," Zuko admitted softly.

Click to shrink...

 

[Shador]

I'd say that Azula needs professional help. Unfortunately for her, the Fire Nation is based of Imperial Japan and that country always has had problems with that sort of thing.

He looked to the door as it opened, smirking at the man who entered. He took no surprise or displeasure in the carnage, almost amused with the smirk on his face. "You look like you've seen better days," he remarked, catching himself before addressing Ozai by name. They never knew who might be listening.

Despite his mood, Ozai shared the smirk. "Glad you could join me, Zhou."

Click to shrink...

Literally who?

 

[Akumakami64]

I'd say that Azula needs professional help. Unfortunately for her, the Fire Nation is based of Imperial Japan and that country always has had problems with that sort of thing.


Literally who?

Click to shrink...

Zhao, corrected it. Swore that was the right spelling.

 

[Felius]

I'd say that Azula needs professional help. Unfortunately for her, the Fire Nation is based of Imperial Japan and that country always has had problems with that sort of thing.

Click to shrink...

On the plus side, if Iroh doesn't go "total blind moron" when it comes to Azula like he frequently does he in many fics (frequently alongside the author too), he is the closest the setting has to a therapist, so he might be able to help?

 

[Akuma-Heika]

I'd say that Azula needs professional help. Unfortunately for her, the Fire Nation is based of Imperial Japan and that country always has had problems with that sort of thing.


Literally who?

Click to shrink...

Big Bad from Avatar Book 1.

 

[R.A.G.]

I could see him killing the fisherman, surprised he killed everyone in that bar though, way too noticeable unless he also burns the place down once he leaves.

 

[Akumakami64]

I could see him killing the fisherman, surprised he killed everyone in that bar though, way too noticeable unless he also burns the place down once he leaves.

Click to shrink...

Remember, its a backwater place, far enough out of the way that it could be days or weeks before word gets to anyone important.

Though, him burning it down isn't unlikely.

 

[Lothren]

Maybe I'm the only one hoping this, but personally I'm hoping for Zucest.

With something like this knocking the antagonism Out of the relationship Zuko and Azula have, I could easily see Azula devoting herself purely to Zuko, and Zuko never turning her away because he loves his Zula.

*Shrugs* probably won't happen as there's been no comments I could see about it, but a guy can dream.

Then again, this is just the creative writing forum threads soooo. *Laughs*

 

[CmirDarthanna]

Next up we have Ursa's reaction...and a reminder that her name means Bear

Click to shrink...

And she's also the granddaughter of the previous Avatar. I doubt he wouldn't have taught his family a thing or two.

 

[GiftofLove]

Maybe I'm the only one hoping this, but personally I'm hoping for Zucest.

With something like this knocking the antagonism Out of the relationship Zuko and Azula have, I could easily see Azula devoting herself purely to Zuko, and Zuko never turning her away because he loves his Zula.

*Shrugs* probably won't happen as there's been no comments I could see about it, but a guy can dream.

Then again, this is just the creative writing forum threads soooo. *Laughs*

Click to shrink...

I am too, but that's just because I'm a degenerate.

Honestly, I thought this story was going that route. It never occurred to me that it was some kind of . . . wholesome story of redemption instead. D:

 

[Lothren]

I am too, but that's just because I'm a degenerate.

Honestly, I thought this story was going that route. It never occurred to me that it was some kind of . . . wholesome story of redemption instead. D:

Click to shrink...

I meaaaaan it could still be wholesome WITH Zucest.

But I mean... That's like... My opinion man.

 

[l---erddad---l]

Holy fucking shit, this story is good. WOW, I was not expecting it to be this good. Watched, and immediately raved about to a friend.

 

[Joker123]

Watched

 

[Icecoldfunk]

Zhao?!!?

Ozai thinks Zhao of all people would be personally loyal to a exile?!?!

Ok. If this is a plot point because you need Ozai to have allies then have at it, you have a narrative to tell and that needs characters to make it work.

That's fanfiction.

Omelettes and eggs.

But canonical Zhao would sell Ozai out in less than a heartbeat, if he thought that was the path to boost his own glory and prestige.

Though....

Zhao is high risk/high reward guy, but the reward is going to have to be.....ah.....how should I say this, "more than Ozai thinks it will be".

 

[Prince Chrom]

Zhao?!!?

Ozai thinks Zhao of all people would be personally loyal to a exile?!?!

Ok. If this is a plot point because you need Ozai to have allies then have at it, you have a narrative to tell and that needs characters to make it work.

That's fanfiction.

Omelettes and eggs.

But canonical Zhao would sell Ozai out in less than a heartbeat, if he thought that was the path to boost his own glory and prestige.

Though....

Zhao is high risk/high reward guy, but the reward is going to have to be.....ah.....how should I say this, "more than Ozai thinks it will be".

Click to shrink...

Or it could be that Ozai is meant to be wrong, given that he only knows Zhao from a position of power where he did have Zhao's loyalty and hasn't realised that it was for the chance for Zhao to gain glory rather than any personal loyalty to Ozai.

 

[Akumakami64]

Zuko winced as he struggled to not scratch at his bandages. It had been over a few days since the...Event. Despite his better moments, he still had to be dosed with medicine routinely to keep the pain from flaring up. Especially when they applied the salve. His wound was slowly healing, or healing what it could, with the doctors helping as they were able. They normally gave him enough to pass out when they changed the bandages and cleaned the wound. Apparently, they had to remove bits of dead flesh from time to time.

He was glad he didn't remember those moments.

Still, he hated this. Not enough drugs and he felt just enough pain to want to pick at his burns. Too much, and he was loopy and out of it, with little recollection of what happened. And then there were the moments where the drugs just did NOT work. They weren't sure what it was: his body acclimating to the medicine, his inner fire trying to purge it, or him just...flashing back to the Event.

He shivered at the memory, and the nightmares that spawned from it. If there was one thing the drugs weren't helping, it was his night terrors. Every now and again, when he passed out, he'd find himself back in that throne room between Azula and their fath- No, their former father. But each time it got worse. Once, his father burned...a lot more of him before Azulon intervened. Then there was the time Azulon ordered Ozai to just finish them both off.

In his most recent one, Ozai turned into an actual dragon. A twisted black dragon with too many wings, too many teeth...

Yeah, he'd rather not dwell on those. Because he had more important things to focus on; namely his mother and his sister. His memories were a bit hazy, but there was definitely something off about them both now. His mother had been worried, angry, but overall just happy they were alive at first. Now she seemed sad, almost like there was something she regretted or missed. Did she miss D-Ozai? Maybe? His parents didn't have the best relationship even before all of this happened, he knew, but they had been a part of one another's lives. That had to count for something, right?

It could be something else, but he felt too young, too stupid, and too addled in the head to piece it together. He just tried to reassure her when he could. Usually after he just finished crying in her arms from a nightmare, but still.

And Azula...had he even spoken to Azula yet? When he was lucid, that is. It was hard to remember, filtering through the dreams and imagination from what really happened over the two weeks. But there was no way that he missed Azula every time his head was clear, right? So, did that mean she was avoiding him? Or just avoiding everyone? Because if she was avoiding everyone, it was probably just trying to deal with the entire fact that their former-father tried to kill her.

But if she was just avoiding him...okay, he didn't know what that meant, but it was his job as a big brother to figure it out.

Because the little he could remember of Azula since he got his burn, she always looked so...it wasn't just sad, it was more than that. Deeper. Like she was hurting. Not hurt, but hurting. As in something was still hurting her right now, not that she was hurt because of something that had already happened.

Or something like that. It made sense in his head at least. His minimally drugged head.

Of course, the first problem was finding Azula. She wasn't in her room, so where could she be?

Meanwhile

Azula sat in her tree over the pond.

When had it become her tree, exactly? She didn't remember the first time she climbed into it. She had just been listlessly walking and realized she had climbed up into its branches.

It was a foolish thing to do, something she imagined her uncle doing as a child. But she paid that notion no mind. After all, she had run out of things to do.

Burning her own possessions wasn't an option. Her mother checked on her regularly to make sure she didn't. She still burned her things, but only a little at a time now. What could be turned to ash before she was found.

Mai and Ty Lee weren't here yet. Maybe they wouldn't be here today at all. They tried to come every day, but she intellectually knew things would get in the way of one or both of them.

Training was just...no. All lessons and training had been cancelled. Even if they weren't, Azula didn't know if she could focus enough to do any of the katas or exercises.

And she couldn't bear to face Zuko still, especially not when he was coherent. Even if she could, she had to figure out something very important:

How to be a good sister?

Knowing how to be not-bad was easy. Just stop trying to be mean Zuko. Stop taunting him, stop trying to scare him, Stop Nearly Getting Him Killed!

Her hands clenched on her arms as that thought echoed in her head.

Yes, stopping all of that would help. But what does a good sibling do? She didn't know. The only sibling relationship she had any view into was Ty Lee's, and that was a bit too unique to apply to this.

She had no idea how to be a good sister to Zuko.

So here she was, sitting in a tree.

She looked down at the water and saw her reflection looking back.

'What's a matter? Are you going to cry like Zuko?'

She winced and looked away. She could hear her own voice, mocking her. She knew what the voice was. It was her, The Monster.

The Real Azula.

'Pathetic. When did you become so weak?'

Funny. Those were Ozai's words, Ozai's tone, but it was still her own voice that mocked her.

'How long do you think this little act can hold? Just give it up.'

It wanted out. It wanted her to go back to being how she used to be. But she wouldn't let that happen. She would smother and starve The Monster out until that part of her became like ashes in an urn; Never to burn again, never to hurt anyone again.

Such was the fate a monster deserved.

"Azula."

She inhaled sharply as her golden eyes shot down to see her brother staring up at her. "Zuko," she whispered, soft and uncertain.

"Were you...sleeping up there?" Zuko asked with a head tilt.

Azula shook her head. "No, I was just..."

What even was she doing here, really, besides listening to the voices in her head?

"Can you come down here?" Zuko asked with a frown that she couldn't read.

It wasn't angry. It wasn't sad. Concerned? Confused? If she had mused out loud, she would have suggested "Constipated" as well. But her sharp tongue was dulled and unmotivated.

Still, she climbed down the tree, sliding down the trunk as she turned to face Zuko. Or, she tried to. Every time she looked him in the eye, she glanced away in shame and guilt, fidgeting with her clothes.

"Yes, Zuko?" she asked after a moment of silence between them. Her voice sounded so much smaller than it used to.

"Sorry, just- Is this the first time we've talked? Without me being out of it?" Zuko asked thoughtfully.

Yes, yes it was. "Perhaps? It's hard to tell sometimes," she lied, because she always lies. All she can do is lie. Because if she wants to be a Good Sister, she has to lie and pretend she isn't The Monster.

Zuko nodded, looking a bit distracted.

"Should you...be up right now? "Azula asked uncertainly.

"The doctor said it's fine for me, and that I should stretch my legs some anyway," Zuko said, rubbing his mostly-bald head sheepishly. "If I don't, I might end up weighing more than a komodo-rhino."

Azula offered a small smile while Zuko chuckled weakly at his own half-hearted joke.

The silence that followed was unbearable. One of them had to say something. Anything, less they be crushed under the emptiness.

"Zuko, I-"

She was cut off as Zuko suddenly wrapped her into a tight hug, holding her head to his chest.

"Zuko?" she called in surprise, but unable to bring herself to resist the hold. She froze as she felt her brother trembling against her, a very distinct sound coming from his mouth. The sound of choked sobs. "Brother...?!"

"I'm just so glad you're alive," Zuko whispered in her ear, tears falling from his good eye. His other eye stung, but he barely noticed in the moment.

Azula inhaled sharply, and felt something rising in her chest…Something harsh, something heavy. She bit her lips as her golden eyes glistened harshly.

"But it...it was my fault. You got hurt because of me," she whispered, her voice all but croaking in her throat. She wanted to scream it, declare her guilt and make him remember how horrible he had to know she was, but in Zuko's arms she felt weak. Like she had been holding something in all this time and now, now-!

Zuko pulled back and smiled warmly at her with his one good eye. "It doesn't matter."

It...didn't matter. Of course it mattered! He was scarred! He was in pain! He tried to save her when he didn't need to! How could...how could it not... "You big dum-dum," Azula whispered, her voice growing hoarse.

"What'd I do-" Zuko stopped as Azula pulled him into a hug, almost collapsing to her knees. "Azula?" he asked, falling to his knees as he held her.

Azula shuddered as she clenched her hands at Zuko's side. With that, the dam came loose.

Azula sobbed. Not teared up, not cried, she sobbed long and hard into her brother's robes.

"I'm...I'm so sorry!" Azula cried out, her tears drenching his clothes. "I'm sorry for everything, Zuzu!"

Zuko could only sit there and hold his little sister, stroking her back as she cried her heart out. He had cried plenty since that fateful night, having gotten most of it out while holding his mother.

...But Azula had never been as close to their mother as to Ozai. He shouldn't be surprised that she had trouble opening up to her. He couldn't imagine what was going through Azula's mind these past few days, trying to come to terms with what happened.

He just never imagined he would ever be the one she opened up to like this.

He tried to remember the last time he recalled her seeming so small and vulnerable, instead of the proud and sharp little genius he had tried to measure up to.

Brother and Sister sat there, holding themselves as their sorrows and the comfort one another brought lulled them into a deep sleep.

lllllllllllllll

Azula often dreamt of this now.

The Penance of Ash.

The Urn of Soul.

Her fate.

She would awaken back in that prison, filled with the ashes of her own body. They brought pain to her lungs, her throat and her eyes. But there was no escape.

There would never be a way to escape the Penance of Ash, but by the Mercy of Agni.

But this time felt different. The bitterly cool void of her urn had a trace of warmth with in it now, the sensation pooling at her back.

Eventually, she saw through her own self-pity enough to realize that the warmth was coming from the walls of the Urn.

Confused yet tired, curious yet devoid of hope, she turned to look at the wall that her back had been leaning against. The urn there was lit softly, a small spot glowing as if something had been warming it.

Realistically, she knew any heat enough to do that should be unpleasant to touch. But she was either dead or dreaming, so the norms of the living no longer applied to her.

It felt good. It felt comforting. It felt like...

"Zuko?" she whispered, shock and awe as she felt, sensed where this came from. That meant that...Zuko came to visit here, where her ashes were kept! And he was sharing his warmth with her.

Good, comforting, and...

Her eyes teared at the word she wasn't ready to say or think. He still cared for her, the Monster.

She deserved the Penance. But she was too weak to resist any comfort from her brother. He might never come back. And that would be fine. She would savor this than.

"Even in death, you use him still."

She froze. That voice. There couldn't be a voice. Not in here, the only thing in here was her. Her, and her ashes.

She slowly turned, and saw the cinders, like flakes and sand all at once, forming together into a horrible, terrible shape.

It was herself, and it was Ozai. Not a blend, but some mismatched and greyed-colored combination of the man that had been her father and the child she was. One leg too short, the arm too large on the other side, and the face had a "line" that kept shifting back and forth. One side was Ozai, the other Azula. But neither face fully vanished as the ashen-creature leered at her mockingly.

"Poor, foolish, weak, boy," It continued with two voices; One coy and cruel, the other harsh and merciless. "Sharing his spark with a monster like us."

Azula did not speak, could not speak.

This wasn't part of the Penance of Ash, not that she had ever heard. It was supposed to be a cold punishment of isolation, denied the warmth and grace of Fire.

But then...perhaps Agni didn't want people to know the full punishment. Maybe he wanted some part of the Penance to be a surprise.

Or maybe no one truly understood what it would mean, to have one's soul trapped among their own ashes.

She pressed her back against the warmth of the wall, harder and hard. She wanted to get away, to get out, she didn't want to be here with this nightmare.

"Oh, why so scared?" It asked as it moved closer, closer, too close. "After all, you're not the one that needs to be afraid. Zuko is a failure and only so-useful. Once you're done using him, you'll do away with him."

"No," Azula whispered. "No, I...I wouldn't..."

"Oh don't lie to yourself," it whispered coyly, and It was Right in Her Ear Now. "You were perfectly fine when you thought it was his neck to burn. You were ready too," It paused, its face shifting fully to mirror Azula's now. "Dad's Going to Kill You~! Dad's Going to Kill You~!"

"Shut up," Azula demanded, or pleaded, or cried.

The face shifted to Ozai's now. "And he would have."

"Shut up!" Azula order, pleaded, screamed!

It tilted its head. "Who is talking?"

Azula opened her mouth, but nothing came out. She tried again, but only got silence.

Something was...wrong. Stuck. She grabbed her throat, and the choking sensation of the ashes in her throat grew more and more.

She tried once more, and she suddenly wretched.

Ash poured from her mouth. A long, impossible amount of it streamed forth, adding to the floor of the urn. Her throat felt like it was being cut and torn on the inside, the taste of ash overwhelmed her tongue as it passed out of her like a terrible fountain. She cried, but she swore even those tears were more of the burnt powder.

Finally it ended, and she was left gasping for fresh air that wasn't there. But at least there was air now. But through the haziness of her vision, she saw what was now before her.

In the layer of ashes that had poured from her mouth, she could see faces forming. Faces she knew; Mother, Grandfather, Mai, Ty Lee...servants, guards, tutors, and more she couldn't name.

They were all twisted in dismissive, disgusted looks. As if they finally saw her for the monster she was, and were rejecting her. Judging her, condemning her to this fate.

She sat there, leaning against the wall and prayed the heat wasn't getting cooler, that he was still there, that he still cared.

The ashen creature leaned down to her ear and whispered the terrible words, her voice almost singing.

"You will die a monster~!"

llllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

Azula started awake, her heart racing as she quickly took in her surroundings.

She was still alive. Good.

She was in the garden. Good.

She had been sleeping in Zuko's arms.

Good...didn't seem like good enough a word.

Still, she smiled in relief. She was here, Zuko was here, and he still didn't hate her yet. That was what was important.

That, and she needed some new clothes. Zuko had drooled on her shoulder while he slept.

"Mm, why am I sitting up in my sleep?" Zuko muttered as he started to wake up. Azula looked up just in time to make eye contact with him. "Oh. Right. We cried," he recalled out loud, still not aware enough to keep his thoughts to himself.

"I suppose we did," Azula acknowledged awkwardly.

Zuko glanced up at the sun. "Mom will be looking for us soon. It's almost time to eat."

"What about you? Don't you need more medicine? Or something?" Azula asked, feeling uncharacteristically ignorant. She had never been burned before, she had no idea what went into treating an injury like Zuko's. Useless, useless, useless. The word ringed in her head. She wouldn't know, couldn't know such things but she didn't care.

"Come on, let's go," Zuko said, bringing himself to his feet, gently pulling Azula up as well.

"Okay," Azula whispered and, after a moment's pause, took Zuko's hand.

He returned the favor without even thinking about it.

They lapsed into silence as they began to walk out of the garden.

"Zuko?" Azula asked softly, summoning all of her courage. "Would you love me, if I was a monster?"

Because Zuko, wonderfully stupid Zuko, would never say she was already a monster. So, she had to play along with the lie…which was good because even Zuko knew that truth: Azula Always Lies.

Zuko stopped and looked back at her with wide, surprised eyes. She prepared herself for any answer.

"You mean like a dragon?"

She wasn't prepared for that.

"Huh?" Azula blinked. "A dragon?"

"I mean, I don't know what Koh the Face Stealer looks like. But if you were a dragon, that'd be pretty cool. Or maybe something like a giant hawk-bear? Or a Sea-Gorilla?" Zuko pondered, and Azula was wondering if the lingering medicine was effecting his mind after all. "Maybe a huge Salamander Rhino that's on fire? But yeah, I'd love you even if you were a monster."

He didn't understand what she meant, but still, that answer meant the world to Azula. "If I was...a dragon, wouldn't you have to slay me, like Uncle slayed the last one?" she asked, nearly smiling. Nearly.

"No, I'd just outlaw Dragon Slaying," Zuko answered confidently.

"Zuzu, only the Firelord can do that," Azula reminded with an almost broken giggle, her eyes glistening with gratefulness and joy.

"Yeah, well...I'd figure something out," Zuko assured helplessly. "I can't let anyone hurt my baby sister."

Azula held his hand tighter and never wanted to let go.

And until he realized she was a monster, and pulled his own hand away, she'd hold on for as long as she could.

Meanwhile

Ursa and Azulon had spoken at least once a day since the incident with Ozai. Never had Azulon taken such an active interest in his grandchildren's day-to-day life. But before, they hadn't survived an attempt at filicide.

"Today will be the first time they've had a family meal since then," Ursa mused to the elderly man.

"Then I will try to be brief, lest I delay such an occasion," Azulon stated, confirming that, no, he would not be there. Let the mother and her children have their time first, he decided. "I know well that Zuko is recovering as best he can. The physicians are confident his sight will not be damaged. He has been taking his injury far better than most young boys would."

"He is a brave little prince," Ursa acknowledged with a small smile.

Azulon nodded and the throne room grew quiet. Too quiet. "Word reaches my ears, Ursa, without even requesting it. There are rumors among the palace of Azula, burning her possessions and taking her solitude where she can."

Ursa bowed her head. For as much as she blamed Azulon for this situation happening, the problem with Azula was much deeper than just Ozai being willing to kill her.

"It is easy to believe she is just grieving. Ozai may be stripped of all he was, but it was plain to all which child he favored," Azulon mused. It went unsaid that this was precisely the reason when he had demanded Ozai sacrifice Azula instead of Zuko. "But I see a look of deep regret in your eyes, Princess Ursa, whenever the topic of your daughter is brought up."

Ursa gave a half smile. She hadn't been good at hiding this. She still hadn't fully come to terms with what "this" actually was yet. "I believe...we may be more alike than I first thought, My Lord," Ursa answered softly.

Both of Azulon's white eyebrows rose at that. "In what matter might you mean?"

"I believe that Azula has come to the conclusion that I...care for her less than her brother," Ursa explained with a self-depreciating smile. "And I'm trying to understand, when I did that. When I made a mistake so horrible, that made her think I love her less than I do."

"Parenting is one thing that few ever truly master," Azulon said sagely. "Whatever offense you have paid her, real or imagined, there is still plenty of times to be there for both of your children."

Unlike how he hadn't been there as a proper father to Ozai. Neither said it, but they both knew it.

"But there is something about Azula you should know," Azulon informed. "Something about the incident that I did not mention, not while your children needed time to heal and recover."

They weren't healed, and they weren't recovered. They were coping though, and that would have to be enough. "What is it? What happened?"

Azulon took a short, calming breath as he broached a serious topic. "After Zuko was hurt, Azula attacked Ozai with Lightningbending."

Ursa stared, and then stared some more. "What? But that's impossible! Azula hasn't even started learning the theory for it, let alone the technique."

"I am aware," Azulon agreed with a frown. "She was unfocused and didn't know how to use it, but she clearly created lightning. And made every flame in the throne room turn blue."

Under normal circumstances, Ursa would have been more alarmed by the second detail. Attempting to take control of the Royal Flames from the Firelord, that was a grave offense to do without permission. In old times before the unification of the Fire Nation and rule was divided amongst clans, such an act was essentially a way of challenging a lord for his right to rule.

But as impressive as it was that Azula took control of the flames form Azulon, if only briefly, that was still not the largest concern. "But how could she even attempt that?"

"Lightningbending was not always known to us, Ursa. Just a few centuries before this war, many thought it was just a myth," Azulon reminded. "Just as it is possible for a bender to teach themselves through trial and error, Azula appears to have stumbled into Lightningbending on pure instinct. If my sight is still be trusted, in a desire to defend her brother."

Despite everything, Ursa couldn't help but smile at that. "My brave little girl."

"If I am glad of one thing that came out of this mistake of mine, Ursa, it is that knowing your children care deeply for one another," Azulon said solemnly. "All of that aside, I simply wanted to inform you as a warning if it happens again, and ask that you keep me informed if she shows signs of trying to replicate it."

Yes, that was a bit of a concern. The Fire Nation was used to children throwing around fireballs, but lightning was something else entirely.

"I thank you, My Lord," Ursa said, preparing to rise before stopping herself.

"Is there something else you wish to discuss?" Azulon questioned with a raised eyebrow.

Ursa seemed to fight with herself for a moment before making a decision. "In the next few days, if your schedule permits it, will you care to join us for a meal, Firelord?"

"The Firelord will not be there, no," he answered before his face softened. "But an old grandfather will find the time, yes."

Ursa smiled slightly. Gradnfather was a role Azulon had never mastered either, but she appreciated the effort. If nothing else, it helped her children understand they were safe in the palace still.

End of Chapter

Okay, so, to answer a question that got asked a few times. No, the Penance of Ash is not related to anytihng in canon, this is my own worldbuilding for the Fire Nation.

But yeah, the angst is off the charts this chapter. Azula is a wreck and Zuko, blessed little turtleduck, has no idea he's keeping her afloat in a sea of self-loathing.

Iroh should be back next chapter I think. Which means the family can finally heal and grieve properly. As Zuko reminded, Lu Ten's death was recent for all of them.

Also added in teh tidbit about how relatively new Lightningbending is in Avatar- it was only discovered about three or four centuries before the war. Considering bending has been a thing for around ten thousnad years, that's interesting. I'm going with the idea it's something that's been discovered and lost repeatedly over time.

Until next time!

 

[Azure liger]

Damn rereading this made me cry twice

 

[Akumakami64]

Damn rereading this made me cry twice

Click to shrink...

Considering the nature of the fic, I'll take that as a compliment.

 

[Rougelonewanderer]

Both of those kids need all the hugs. Glad to see this continued, looking forward to what happens next.

 

[Fitsdreia]

Considering the nature of the fic, I'll take that as a compliment.

Click to shrink...

As you should, i also teared with this chapter, it was beautiful and sad.

 

[GiftofLove]

Probably fanon, but I always thought Lightning Bending was what you got when you mixed waterbending philosophy with Fire bending. Same way with a lot of esoteric bending styles.

Sand: Earth + Air
Vines: Water + Earth. (Though it's really the same principle as Blood bending, controlling the water in plants.)
Metal: Earth + Fire
Magma: Fire + Earth

Etc.

 

[Hypervane]

New update gave me the opportunity to reread the fic, and it's just as amazing as I remember it being. Chapter 2 especially made me cry, and seeing Azula try to grapple with her thoughts in the chapters after almost made me cry a second time.

 

[Solar Mechanis]

Happy to see this back. Hopefully you'll find the time to update more regularly.