Commercial Break (Worm / Slut Life) (Borderline SFW)

[Guardian54]

Not only is Taylor depressed (something that on it's own can cause a person to shutdown) to a near suicidal level (doesn't hit suicidal until nothing is done because of the Locker), but socially and emotionally stunted. This is the type of thing that can affect people into their 60's, and you're complaining about the effects when they're relatively new and easy to fix.
Not to mention her overly-earned trust issues.

I'd also put Taylor's family at upper-lower class, not lower-middle class.

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1. We all know Winslow and almost all its populace being smote from on high would be a favour to humanity as a whole.

But what the hell is this "one really close friend" nonsense anyhow? I had a similar starting point of "nerdy chatterbox with bad social skills and body image issues" and I ended up on friendly terms with basically everyone by not over-investing on any one person... and it's not like Emma and Taylor live right next door to each other or something.
Really, Annette should have known better than to let anywhere near that level of dependency even begin to occur and should have branched out using her colleague and friend network to make sure there were a number of friends to prevent one suddenly going Empire or something in rebellion... if she's socially ept enough to get out of a FemiNazi movement without getting hunted down as a traitor, well... that's social-fu worthy of the term.

2. I'd think it would be better to distinguish before Annette's death and after. Before I'd have thought they were solidly middle class if not upper-middle. After? Yes, there was a drop, but solid-to-high-middle monetary/social management does not start getting taught when the kid hits high school. It's something you start learning passively from before you could speak, before you could walk...

 

[edale]

2. I'd think it would be better to distinguish before Annette's death and after. Before I'd have thought they were solidly middle class if not upper-middle.

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I'll repeat:

Teachers never earn much, even college ones; and the shipyard's been a graveyard since before Taylor was born, so no major income on that front.

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With the level of money troubles shown, it's safe to estimate that Danny is working a 40 hour week (or less) at minimum wage, with LOTS of unpaid extra hours put in. This would have been the same situation while Taylor was a child, given that IIRC the boat graveyard formed in the 80's, and Taylor was born in the 90's.

Teachers are paid shit.

Together they might have scraped up enough to manage lower-middle class. Either one alone is below the poverty level.

Now pre-boat-graveyard, they might have been mid-middle class, but not upper-middle class.

I'll also point out that Annette got out of Lustrum's group when it first started showing signs of going violent (to canon!Taylor's knowledge, keep in mind Annette being one of Lustrum's lieutenants is fanon). At that point it would have still been a mostly peaceful feminist movement, why would any serious social-fu be needed to get out of it at that point? It'd be about as hard as just not going to any more of the rallys.

 

[MissileTeatime]

:rollseyes:

Thus far I think the story's been decent. Don't let the bizarre... "hatedom" is not the right word, but it's the only word or phrase I can think of just now that's even remotely in the right direction-- drag you down.

You always count your money first before you think about what you can buy with it, and she never learnt that. HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?

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I don't know about Taylor specifically, but it's frustratingly easy when you mostly use a magic piece of payment plastic (i.e. debit/credit card).

 

[Guardian54]

Teachers are paid shit.

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Huh, I thought she was a Professor... which tends to earn rather more than a "teacher"...

But okay, I accept your arguments.

I don't know about Taylor specifically, but it's frustratingly easy when you mostly use a magic piece of payment plastic (i.e. debit/credit card).

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Might just be my aversion to card use that's showing through.

 

[Ack]

Although I do wonder why she hasn't asked what happens if she refuses to sign the full contract (seriously, one of my main questions from the beginning has been what SL Corp would/could do in that scenario, because without that signed contract they can't legally do anything sexual to her, SL fics ALWAYS make a big point of "you agreed to this in your contract, you've signed away your consent"... At this point, Taylor hasn't done that yet though).

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Omake:

"Okay, so that seems to be everything," Cindy said with satisfaction. Despite the rocky start, Taylor seemed to be accepting the situation better than expected. She'd opted for some luxuries, which (in Cindy's opinion) had been inserted specifically to lure unwary contestants into picking more sexual options. And the more sexual options, the more titillation the viewers were going to get. While she abhorred the underhanded way Jacob had conned Taylor into signing the initial contract, it seemed that things were going to work out all the way around.

"Right then," Taylor said, sounding resigned. "When do I start?"

"Right after you sign the contract we've just drawn up," Cindy said; the first indication she got that she'd just fucked up came when Taylor's head came up and her focus sharpened.

"Wait ... what?" Taylor leaned forward. "You mean to say, everything we just worked out wasn't already mandated?"

"What?" Cindy's brain was still scrambling to figure out what was happening. "It's part of the contract you agreed to sign--"

"Give me that." Taylor snatched the original contract and scanned it intently. She got to the bottom, then started at the top again. Then she slapped it down on the table with a sound like a gunshot. "Hah." Her voice was low and deadly.

"What?" Cindy took the contract and read it through herself. "What's 'hah'?"

"All it says is that I'm a contestant with Slut Life." Taylor's lips curled back from her teeth. "Nothing more. It doesn't lay out any duties ... and it doesn't require me to sign even one more fucking contract. So no matter what we've just worked out, I'm not required to do anything I don't want. And that includes having sex with anyone for any reason. True or false?"

Cindy closed her eyes for a long moment, then looked the contract over. It was just a hook, basically. The undersigned was now a contestant for Slut Life for a period approximating one Earth year ... and that was it. That underhanded asshole Jacob had stripped away everything that would give Taylor a hint as to what she was signing up for ... and in the process, had stripped away everything that required her to do anything. In fact, it didn't even mention 'Slut Life' by name. The logo 'SL' in the corner wasn't part of the contract wording.

She let out a long sigh. "True."

"Good." Taylor took up the contract and tore it down the middle. She made especially sure to destroy the section with her signature on it. "You've paid me nothing, and done nothing but give me mental anguish. I'm going to do nothing for you or your shitty company, now or in the future. Now, you have basically two options. Send me back home now, or I'm gonna be the most boring contestant you've ever seen." Something occurred to her, and her smile turned feral. "Or it could get worse than that."

Cindy blinked. Taylor on the offensive was kind of worrying. "Worse?"

"Yeah." Taylor ticked off on her fingers. "If I'm on the show, I'm on a planet with bugs. Everyone within my range is gonna get afflicted with bugs all the time I'm awake. All. The. Time. Sleeping, bathing, having sex ... oh, wait. Your show depends on people having great sex, yeah?" She shook her head. "When I'm around, that ain't gonna happen." She steepled her fingers. "And that's not all."

"Taylor, I want you to think this through. You can do so much for your world and yourself--" began Cindy, but Taylor held up a hand to stop her.

"Fuck you," the teen stated flatly. "It took me a while, but I finally figured out what you are. Jacob was the bad cop, and you're the good cop. I'm supposed to be so upset by him that you being nice will make me agree to whatever you say. Including whoring myself out for a year, just to get out of a contract I was tricked into signing." She took a deep breath. "Have you heard the word of the Lord Jesus Christ? He came to save our souls, and we should pray together. Oh, no, we can't have sex. That's fornication, and that's against the will of God." Her voice was beatific, until she changed back to her normal tone. "Think that'll make the guys more interested, or less?"

Fuck. Under the table, Cindy clenched her fists. "Let me go talk to my bosses." Again.

No matter how this turned out, it was clear Taylor wasn't going to cooperate. Mentally composing her argument for getting Taylor Hebert sent back to Earth, Cindy left the room. As the door closed, she heard the girl began to sing, off-key. "Ninety-nine green bottles on the wall, ninety-nine green bottles ..."

Thanks a fucking lot, Jacob. Asshole.

 

[edale]

Fuck. Under the table, Cindy clenched her fists. "Let me go talk to my bosses." Again.

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Ack, my man, you always deliver with some quality writing (outside of 90% of your NSFW content).

This needs a part 2 with that conversation with Cindy's bosses! Bonus if the boss gives the ok for Cindy to bring Taylor some bees, and have their path to the portal to send Taylor home just happens to go right by Tricher's office.

 

[Ack]

Ack, my man, you always deliver with some quality writing (outside of 90% of your NSFW content).

This needs a part 2 with that conversation with Cindy's bosses! Bonus if the boss gives the ok for Cindy to bring Taylor some bees, and have their path to the portal to send Taylor home just happens to go right by Tricher's office.

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Omake:

Bob Ross looked up at the knock on his office door. That light tap couldn't be anyone but Cindy. "Come in," he called.

She opened the door and entered, and immediately he realised things had not gone well with Taylor Hebert. Her normally optimistic air was almost smothered under a dark cloud of annoyance.

"Well?" he asked. He'd taken the time to peruse the Hebert girl's file, and he could see exactly how warranted her concerns were. Reading between the lines, it was obvious the girl had severe social and trust issues, perhaps even a case of undiagnosed depression. All of which hinted at either an explosion or an implosion at some point in the future, exacerbated by the fact that she could control bugs. None of which was going to make his job any easier. Or make SL look any better.

"Have you read the contract he actually conned her into signing?" Her tone was irritated.

"No," he admitted, starting to think he should have. "Give me the highlights."

She huffed an aggravated sigh. "Trichter outsmarted himself and us at the same time. He gave her a gutted contract to sign, careful not to let anything on it hint as to what her job really entailed."

Bob knew he was missing something. "So long as she signed of her own free will, I don't see how he outsmarted himself."

Cindy shook her head and actually growled. "I'm saying, he took all mention of SL out of the contract. Including the name of the company, and any explanation of what her duties would be. So not only can we not enforce her compliance on anything that's not actually mentioned in the contract, but we can't even make her work for us. All it says is that she's a 'contestant' in a 'reality show'. The contract doesn't say for whom, or what she's contracted to do on said show. Or what the show is called."

Slowly, Bob facepalmed. "So she's contracted for a year to work for a company that's not even specified in the contract she signed?"

Cindy nodded. "Exactly." She spread her hands. "If she were actually willing, or if she'd gone ahead and signed the actual contract, there'd be no problem. But she saw the loophole before I did. So now? She's a kidnap victim who's under the legal obligation to do nothing for an unspecified entity for the next year."

It was Bob who shook his head this time. "Trichter's an idiot. Worse, he's an idiot who thinks he's a genius." He clasped his hands on the desk before him. "Leave it with me. Set the Hebert girl up in one of our spare living areas. We're going to be sending her back, in about a week, to just after she left."

With a look of puzzlement on her face, Cindy nodded. "Sure. But why a week?" They both knew that it could be done within the hour, if need be.

"You'll find out." With a gesture that was part wave and part dismissal, Bob turned to his terminal. He had some research to do.

<><>

One Week Later

Jacob Trichter hit the SEND button, and smiled as the PURCHASE COMPLETE message popped up on his screen. The signing bonus for the Hebert girl had come at just the right time, and now he was the proud owner of a brand-new skycar. Force field bubble, eterna-run power plant and full active camo were just some of the optional extras he'd chosen for it. Just right for picking up more 'recruits' from warzones and the like.

With a sigh of contentment, he leaned back in his chair, just as his office door opened. Bob Ross leaned in. "Ah, Trichter. Just the person I wanted to see. Come out here a moment? Someone you need to meet."

"Sure thing, Mr Ross." Jacob stood up from his chair and strolled out into the common area. There to meet him were Bob, Cindy and a teenager whom he only vaguely recognised. It was only the long curly hair and the glasses that clued him in. Behind the glasses, her large eyes regarded him intently, and without much friendliness. "Oh, hey. You're the girl I signed last week. Settling in okay, then?"

She glowered at him and opened her mouth, but Cindy spoke first. "Actually, Jacob, you didn't sign her to anything. Your little trick didn't inform her of anything, so she's not bound to anything. So she's going home. With your signing bonus as a financial apology."

He blinked and looked at Ross. "That can't be right."

"Believe it, Trichter." Ross glared at him. "That was underhanded and totally unethical. I thought you were a better man than that. You'll pay back that bonus immediately."

Jacob shrugged. "I can't. Don't have it any more."

"I know." That was Cindy, tapping away on a pad. "You just bought a new skycar with it. Well, guess what. It's Taylor's now."

"What?" Galvanised into action, Jacob lunged at Cindy, reaching for the tablet. "Give me that!"

Before he got halfway there, a swarm of butterflies rose from behind the teenager, and converged on Jacob. He swatted at them, but was promptly enveloped. And then the pain started.

<><>

Cindy watched Jacob rolling around on the floor in agony. "Holy shit," she muttered. "What did you do to him?"

Bob Ross smiled grimly. "Well, it appears that there are these insects called 'bullet ants' from her world. Being bitten by one feels akin to being shot."

"And you gave me a lot more than just one," Taylor said with satisfaction. "Thanks, by the way. I appreciate this."

Bob Ross snorted. "Not a problem. This takes a potential problem off our hands and makes it into an asset. You will tell the really high-powered people from your world that we were nice enough to send you back, won't you?" His research had indicated that there were some very scary people on her world. People it was not in the interests of Bob Ross, middle management, to piss off.

Even if Taylor never found any suitable recruits on Earth Bet, he had no doubt that Slut Life were getting the better part of the deal.

 

[Jonakhensu]

"HOLY CRAP I JUST SIGNED MYSELF INTO SLAVERY" is more like suicide attempts. The grossly overwhelming majority of failed suicides do not try again.

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No, these are entirely different things. Most people who fail to commit suicide don't try again because they no longer want to die. "Oh, no... I just accidently signed myself into slavery... again" is not the same reaction, especially if the 'signing into slavery' is done through different methods. Please, look up how long Company Towns lasted in the United States. Or how many people go bankrupt multiple times, and then tell me people will just learn to not do the same things multiple times. Also, for someone who claims to not be flaming, you tend to use inflammatory language and formatting a lot. Just something to keep in mind.

Another common problem is that when the feedback is nearing a majority or more negative, you should probably reconsider the direction of the plot/story (like how I had to rewrite parts of CMDR Taylor Hebert).

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I suppose, looking at the number of posts here and disregarding the number of likes my story posts of recieved, or that I've had a group of multiple proofreaders reading and suggesting things for an additional ten chapters might make it seem like I have a lot of negative feed back. However, I think I've only seen three or four people with actual negative feedback, most of which is along the lines of "I have concerns about this one thing" and that one guy who doesn't like any backstory to his CYOA fics. And you, who is making assumptions about what is going on and is bitching about a character being flawed in a way you don't like, repeatedly, despite having multiple people explain otherwise.

The one experimental drug I CAN see a terminally depressed girl taking, while weighing the risks, would be the STAMINA drug.

Because the side-effect is orgasm not providing relief, and that's irrelevant to her (not planning to have sex). Lasting longer in bed means lasting longer in other physical endeavors too, which is important for a HERO (TM).

Do you think the stamina drug only boosts resistance to sex? Because if it also boosts general endurance and the side-effect is something a suicidally depressed girl doesn't care about (because I highly doubt Taylor ever masturbates or even has significant libido due to her depression, so orgasms being no relief is irrelevant to her) then I can totally see her taking it.

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That is assuming the drug doesn't have any other side effects, like causing mounting sexual frustration or something. Here's an important tip about side effects: when it says "side effects may include..." it isn't an exhaustive list of the possible side effects. More importantly, Taylor is against drug use, seeing it as one of the major problems in Brockton Bay. I can't see why she would consider them without someone explaining it further. Which didn't happen in this chapter.

Welp, I can tell Taylor's never ever played a points-based RPG.

You don't ever start with "what can I have?"

You start with "what can I live with having to do?"

Specifically, you start with the disadvantages (ie, how she's paying for all this). You divide them into "NOPE!", "maybe, if I'm really pressed" and "yeah, I can live with that". The middle section has a sliding scale for 'really pressed', of course.

You go through that with a fine-toothed comb. You min-max the fuck out of it. And you make sure you're absolutely, positively informed about the downsides of every single disadvantage you're considering. And you never, ever assume that the disadvantage will never come up. Because they will. Always.

Once you've decided on what you can actually live with ... then you start picking out what you can afford. Never the other way around.

Never.

The reason for this is simple (and it's the same reason they put the bonuses up front, before the negatives). Because once you decide you're going to get something, it takes a distinct effort of will not to go past your personal limits in order to achieve it. Starting in the black and buying your way into the red, rather than vice versa, is the only way to go.


Also: it seems Cindy has neglected to tell Taylor that it's possible to get through the year without being required to have sex. And Taylor seems to have accepted that she will be having sex a lot more readily than I'd thought, given her comment "From the sounds of it, I'm going to be too busy having sex with people to use any of it."

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That's a fair critism about Taylor's actions. I tend to go with "What do I get first?" in part because I don't think it's real, so the "what am I willing to do for it?" part has less of an emotional impact. I'm also fairly sure I haven't actually played any point-buy RPGs that actually had a disadvantages section, and I don't tend to try for optimal min-maxing on my builds, so that may also be part of it.

As for why Cindy suggested going through this way, she's basically in sales, and is working to get Taylor to buy the shiny thing.

One of my proofreaders is a dedicated lurker, but he typed up a comment in the Discord channel, so I'll post that down below.

As for the comment Taylor made, you're right. That was supposed to be more flippant, and less accepting, so I went back and added a few words to change the tone.

The original:

"From the sounds of it, I'm going to be too busy having sex with people to use any of it."

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The new version:

"From the sounds of it, I'm supposed to be too busy having sex with people to use any of it."

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And now for <Redacted at User's Request>'s message (Apologies for any strange formatting, though I think I fixed it):

Ack's criticism is valid in that Taylor is approaching this in not the best way, but that's in a discussion of older people who all probably have some history of minmaxing stuff in gaming situations. As a 15 year old girl who is shown to have a clunker of a computer and probably no gaming consoles, Taylor is not likely to have that sort of minmaxing experience unless she'd played dungeons and dragons with her parents or something. While Cindy probably should have brought up determining what Taylor was willing to accept dealing with for credits, by the time she first talked to Taylor, Taylor had already decided that she was going to return home at the moment she'd left and was expecting to have her memories when she returned. In that situation, Cindy approaching it with "Trichter kind of deceived you about returning to the moment you left, but we can probably make it work," as a basis instead of "Trichter kind of deceived you about returning to the moment you left, so let's put that aside for now and see what you're willing to do for credits, and maybe you can get enough credits to take that option," isn't wrong. It may turn out that the second approach would have been better, but Cindy had to make a quick decision while dealing with an unwilling contestant, which is a situation she is probably not trained for nor has any experience with.

Whoops, sorry. I seem to have written a small essay.

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You mean she's never played the game of "Living in Brockton Bay", because that's points-based.
As in shopping is points-based: MONEY
Taylor has apparently never had to even think about taking a summer job to earn more money for snacks and candy and toys or something, nor about how much candy she can buy with a certain amount of money.
You always count your money first before you think about what you can buy with it, and she never learnt that. HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?

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I would like to direct you to credit cards as to how counting your money first is not always a thing when shopping. Or buying cars and houses, for that matter. Or going to college in the United States.

Did you know that, as a 15 year old, it is entirely possible that there were labor laws that prevented Taylor from having a summer job? For instance, in Massachusetts, New Hampshire, or Maine, Taylor would have had to go through the school to get a permit to have any job before turning 16. Considering Taylor's situation at Winslow, I can't see this happening, and Danny wouldn't let her work illegally.

Also, she may have been like my sister and I, where our parents didn't give us an allowance but provided anything we wanted/needed, within reason (and not every time). Thus, it is entirely possible Taylor was not generally given money to play around with before high school, and after she started at Winslow, most of the money she received was put towards replacing vandalized books and clothing.

Although I do wonder why she hasn't asked what happens if she refuses to sign the full contract (seriously, one of my main questions from the beginning has been what SL Corp would/could do in that scenario, because without that signed contract they can't legally do anything sexual to her, SL fics ALWAYS make a big point of "you agreed to this in your contract, you've signed away your consent"... At this point, Taylor hasn't done that yet though).

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My personal thoughts on this, which are potentially subject to change, is that the contracts are at least partially magically enforced or Taylor just didn't think about it... or the magic is primarily geared at making you not think about it. I'll readily admit it's a bit of a weak point, though I hope it's not a breaking point for anyone.

You also seem to fail to consider just how severely the protracted bullying campaign damaged Taylor, psychologically (Oh, there's a thought... Does advanced Health Care cover mental health? Because god knows Taylor needs some help on that front... and she really needs any counseling to not be aired to everyone... Counseling can't help if you can't talk about deeply personal stuff).

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I am... kind of surprised how far off mention of therapy is in the story. That said, it is there, and I'm sure my proofreaders will back me up in saying that it wasn't added just because you mentioned it (though do keep mentioning things, I am adding bits and pieces to make things better when good points are brought up). It may be a bit of a spoiler, but whatever. Yes, therapy is covered by Advanced Healthcare. I hadn't thought about whether it'd be broadcast or not yet, so thank you for mentioning the trust issue. It will be taken into account.

Thus far I think the story's been decent. Don't let the bizarre... "hatedom" is not the right word, but it's the only word or phrase I can think of just now that's even remotely in the right direction-- drag you down.

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Don't worry, even if I were to stop writing today and never start on this project again, I still have over 50k words written that'll get posted eventually. Honestly, me giving up on the fic would probably cause me to dump the rest of the buffer in here before asking for the thread to be locked.

Omake:

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Well, that was amusing, and has made me decide to modify a later scene some. Thank you. On a different note, any idea on a name for this omake?

Omake:

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Or this one? It was an amusing conclusion to Taylor's run. I'm going to threadmark them both, but I have no idea what to call them.

 

[HereticZAKU]

How about "The Devil's Detail"?

 

[Jonakhensu]

How about "The Devil's Detail"?

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Works for me.

 

[Inv1ctus6243]

That's a fair critism about Taylor's actions. I tend to go with "What do I get first?" in part because I don't think it's real, so the "what am I willing to do for it?" part has less of an emotional impact. I'm also fairly sure I haven't actually played any point-buy RPGs that actually had a disadvantages section, and I don't tend to try for optimal min-maxing on my builds, so that may also be part of it.

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I recommend HackMaster as a good point buy RPG with disadvantages, or of course I guess you could go with GURPS. Thinking about it, one could write an entire gamer story using only GURPS.

 

[edale]

It may be a bit of a spoiler, but whatever. Yes, therapy is covered by Advanced Healthcare. I hadn't thought about whether it'd be broadcast or not yet, so thank you for mentioning the trust issue. It will be taken into account.

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You know, given the prevalence of psychics and mental magics in SL, therapy might not follow the "modern" methodology. Of course that brings with it it's own problems in Taylor's case.

---

SL doctor from Advanced Health Care unit: "Well Taylor, we've finished our initial scans, found a few issues such as long-term effects of minor early-childhood malnutrition*, a number of microfractures on several of your bones, some neural scarring, a number of infections, and an unusual level of toxins in your blood. All that should be done being fixed in about 20 minutes thanks to that nanobot injection I gave you; However, our neural scans did pick up a few things that's going to require calling in a specialist."

Taylor, a bit nervous: "What did you find?"

SL doctor: "Our scans detected signs of neural activity consistent with severe depression, along with a few other psychological issues."

Taylor: "There's NO way I'm going to talk to a therapist while my every action and word is broadcast for the entire multiverse to see!"

SL doctor: "Therapist? What's that? No this is a simply procedure, we just call in one of our medical psychics or mental mages, and they fix everything right up, for the types of problems you have a single 1-hour session will have everything taken care of, and not a single word has to be spoken aloud if you don't want to. See, there's nothing to worry about. "

Taylor, suddenly going very still and paling considerably: "Did you just say psychics and mental mages?"

SL Doctor, hesitant from not expecting such a strong reaction: "Yes... It's nothing out of the ordinary, they've sworn oaths and signed magically binding contracts agreeing to not take any action not medically needed."

Taylor: "Did... Did you get any information about my home world?"

SL doctor: "A few basics, necessary to help understand the entity linked to you granting you your control over insects."

Taylor: "I suggest you look up a few things about my world, namely the Simurgh and a villain known as Heartbreaker..."

SL doctor: "OK, but what does that have to do with-"

Taylor: "There's no way in HELL I'm letting a psychic anywhere near my brain!"

*You'd be surprised to find that over 90% of the populous of the US has this problem.

I recommend HackMaster as a good point buy RPG with disadvantages, or of course I guess you could go with GURPS. Thinking about it, one could write an entire gamer story using only GURPS.

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My only experience with GURPS: http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/dwmain.shtml

Granted, that's one HELL of a fic project, but not the best guide to anything GURPS.

 

[Inv1ctus6243]

My only experience with GURPS: http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/dwmain.shtml

Granted, that's one HELL of a fic project, but not the best guide to anything GURPS.

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Wow, you're missing out. My gaming group spend 3 years diving through the various GURPS modules and campaign settings. Ancient Japan to T16 Traveller to Modern Horror. Good times.

Edit: On review, 3 years is too ambiguous. That was every weekend, both days, 8+ hours each day.

 

[edale]

Wow, you're missing out. My gaming group spend 3 years diving through the various GURPS modules and campaign settings. Ancient Japan to T16 Traveller to Modern Horror. Good times.

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Despite a strong interest in D&D style gaming, I've only ever had the opportunity to play in 2 campaigns; and neither lasted longer than 4 sessions before they fell apart... Didn't even get out of the starting town in one, and never finished the first combat in the other...

---

I just had a MUCH darker thought.

What if Trichter pulled that move on Taylor, and Taylor's response to finding herself signed into sexual slavery (as is the only way she can really see it before Cindy shows up), Taylor tries to commit suicide (she IS severely depressed, and the locker just happened). Cindy walks into have her first conversation with Taylor, and finds her unconscious in a pool of blood with slit wrists (obviously they have the technology to bring her back, even if she fully died, but I'd say Taylor was just really close).

Cindy: "TRITCHER!!!! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO THIS GIRL!!!!"

How does SL deal with an unwilling contestant, signed up against her will, who's so against the concept that she'd literally rather die, as evidenced by action? Would they still force her to be a contestant? Would they at least, in that situation, allow for one of the lower difficulty level contracts, rather than the default 'Hard' option? Does SL Corp force Taylor into one of the "punishment" contracts for attempting to breach the first one?

How bad does Trichter get reemed by the ethics board for driving a potential contestant to suicide?

 

[Guardian54]

I suppose, looking at the number of posts here and disregarding the number of likes my story posts of recieved, or that I've had a group of multiple proofreaders reading and suggesting things for an additional ten chapters might make it seem like I have a lot of negative feed back. However, I think I've only seen three or four people with actual negative feedback, most of which is along the lines of "I have concerns about this one thing" and that one guy who doesn't like any backstory to his CYOA fics. And you, who is making assumptions about what is going on and is bitching about a character being flawed in a way you don't like, repeatedly, despite having multiple people explain otherwise.

Did you know that, as a 15 year old, it is entirely possible that there were labor laws that prevented Taylor from having a summer job? For instance, in Massachusetts, New Hampshire, or Maine, Taylor would have had to go through the school to get a permit to have any job before turning 16. Considering Taylor's situation at Winslow, I can't see this happening, and Danny wouldn't let her work illegally.
Also, she may have been like my sister and I, where our parents didn't give us an allowance but provided anything we wanted/needed, within reason (and not every time). Thus, it is entirely possible Taylor was not generally given money to play around with before high school, and after she started at Winslow, most of the money she received was put towards replacing vandalized books and clothing.

Or this one? It was an amusing conclusion to Taylor's run. I'm going to threadmark them both, but I have no idea what to call them.

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1. None of the problems are lethal or potentially so yet... Unless you write a Taylor that is less intelligent at using what she's given than canon or something...
Well, we're not there yet in thread evolution, but at some point over 200-300 pages in length, even if 95% of the readers hate something, the remaining 5% will repeatedly shout over the 2% or less of critics that are in the mood to provide feedback at any given time. see A Cloudy Path's commenter distribution, the positive guys formed a hugbox and flamed away the guys who pointed out the exact problems that eventually killed the fic. Once we get into the hundreds of pages, please remember to continue keeping an eye out for number of readers (I notice you're already noting the number of readers, which is very good) on each side and keep a careful lookout for fan-horde (aka hugbox) formation. If that happens... it is often indicative of Problems.
For now, we're just (somewhat aggressively) nitpicking. But please don't overcompensate in response to the early nitpicking, or you risk writing yourself into a corner like LacksCreativity did and turning that nitpicking into a self-fulfilling prophecy (i.e. a Taylor that never learned, developed as a person, or stopped wangsting).
Thankfully, as far as I can tell, you don't have an angsty Taylor... which in and of itself is suspicious. Is the air at SL HQ filled with chemicals to make a person relaxed and somewhat high like weed does? Because canon Taylor is... not this relaxed... About anything... Ever... There's a reason Wildbow himself said that ACP was the most accurate-to-canon Taylor he'd seen (despite the amount of hatedom that fic accrued).

2. Has Taylor ever tried or even read about the "mow lawn for pocket change" stereotype? I guarantee canon Taylor should have read about the lemonade stand and lawnmowing stereotypes given Annette was a Literature or English professor... then again she should have read and learnt enough through books that half the canon situations would have developed in ways some people would complain to be hypercompetence. It's just... backstory and character matchup problems. Kind of like Jaune Arc from RWBY.
Replacing vandalized schoolbooks (and clothes) very much doesn't come cheap, and trying to hide the bills from Danny would be insanely hard without making some money on the side somehow COMBINED with monetary kung-fu (cause she can't be making that much)...

3. I suspect Ack would probably go for something along the lines of whatever that 1 week of SL option is, or "The fastest speedrun" or something... but that seems too predictable.

 

[edale]

3. I suspect Ack would probably go for something along the lines of whatever that 1 week of SL option is, or "The fastest speedrun" or something... but that seems too predictable.

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Shortest SL run is 6 months. It's in the "Adjustments I" section:
https://cyoa-slut.gitlab.io/cyoa-viewer/?game=slutlife#adjustments i

 

[Guardian54]

Shortest SL run is 6 months. It's in the "Adjustments I" section:
https://cyoa-slut.gitlab.io/cyoa-viewer/?game=slutlife#adjustments i

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8chan has Version 3.1.3 where the shortest possible is 1 week. Found it by googling for "Slut Life CYOA" (minus the quote marks)

...But yeah the 3.0.3 one is minimum 6 months.

 

[edale]

8chan has Version 3.1.3 where the shortest possible is 1 week. Found it by googling for "Slut Life CYOA" (minus the quote marks)

...But yeah the 3.0.3 one is minimum 6 months.

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This fic uses the 3.0.3 one I linked to.

And seriously a 1 week run for 150 points? I could totally setup a 1 week run that gives secret society membership.

7 owners that you only have to see once each (or the God owner, which gets you 90% of the way there on it's own at +210 points, but 7 other owners would give more points)! All the pregnancy options, because you can just take a morning after pill when your run on the show is over! All the punishments that are only once a week, because you only have to actually do them once! hell at $1000 a point, I could be a millionaire at the end of the week, disregarding any cash payouts from the selected rewards from Secret Society membership (thing to note, that version of Secret Society Membership give 2 other rewards AND New Home, whereas in 3.0.3 you'd have to select New Home as one of the 2 extra rewards).

 

[GladiusLucix]

that one guy who doesn't like any backstory to his CYOA fics

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No, I said the backstory (i.e. showing how the various owner "guilds" selected their representatives) was the only good thing about the fic since Taylor started filling out the CYOA, then decided that there was no point in arguing more with two months of entirely actionless dialgoue already written and queued up. Two people doing nothing but talk for pages on end does not usually make for interesting. You still haven't done anything with the TV since they turned it on as they started.

I'm also still confused by why you spent ~2.5k-3k words on the entertainment section, but summarized the body mods in about 500.

EDIT: The specific choices in the CYOA are only "backstory" in the same sense that "My fighter is strong because I put an 18 as his strength" is, i.e. Not.

 

[HoodedHero007]

Two questions:

1. Does the "Secret Society" include Cauldron? If so, and if Taylor chose that, would she be brought into the inner folds of Cauldron or... what?
2. For the "Meta" reward, are any Worm CYOAs available, because that would be hilarious.

 

[edale]

Two questions:

1. Does the "Secret Society" include Cauldron? If so, and if Taylor chose that, would she be brought into the inner folds of Cauldron or... what?
2. For the "Meta" reward, are any Worm CYOAs available, because that would be hilarious.

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Is there a Worm COYA? Yes... Yes there's a Worm COYA. 90% of the Worm fics you've read that don't have Taylor as the main character (and a few that do), especially SI fics, are written using one.

Although... Taylor's canon powers, Magical Girl powers, and the power setup she'll get for the Worm COYA (which we all know she would min/max as best as able)? "Triumvirate? Those weaklings?"

Sadly, her reward setup is Secret Society Membership, with New Home and "Was It All a Dream?" as her secondary selections.

Actually... She could replace "Was it all a Dream" with Meta, and take the "Reincarnate as Taylor Hebert" option on the Worm COYA (the option can replace you with her, rather than a traditional reincarnation, so Taylor would keep everything she gets from SL).

It can actually fit in story-wise too, since SL Corp is investigating Taylor's reality and the entities atm. They could draw up the Worm COYA Taylor uses as her Meta option either before she finishes setting up her SL contract, or offer her the chance to change rewards at no extra cost when they finish their investigations and see action is needed.

As to Secret Society including Cauldron? Sadly no:

"Alright, first hear me out," Cindy began. "There's this secret society that pretty much controls the multiverse." At Taylor's look, she hastened to add, "Not on the individual level, of course, at least not in most cases, and they've only just started looking into your corner of it, but it's there.

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Emphasis mine.

That's an authorial choice though, other SL fics could have Cauldron be part of SSM.

 

[HoodedHero007]

Is there a Worm COYA? Yes... Yes there's a Worm COYA. 90% of the Worm fics you've read that don't have Taylor as the main character (and a few that do), especially SI fics, are written using one.

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What I meant by that was this: would this Taylor have the option of doing any Worm CYOAs as the "Meta" reward?

 

[edale]

What I meant by that was this: would this Taylor have the option of doing any Worm CYOAs as the "Meta" reward?

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I actually edited in a way that would work in-story while you were sending this post.

 

[Jonakhensu]

You know, given the prevalence of psychics and mental magics in SL, therapy might not follow the "modern" methodology. Of course that brings with it it's own problems in Taylor's case.

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Pretty good points. Have a threadmark for the omake.

How does SL deal with an unwilling contestant, signed up against her will, who's so against the concept that she'd literally rather die, as evidenced by action? Would they still force her to be a contestant? Would they at least, in that situation, allow for one of the lower difficulty level contracts, rather than the default 'Hard' option? Does SL Corp force Taylor into one of the "punishment" contracts for attempting to breach the first one?

How bad does Trichter get reemed by the ethics board for driving a potential contestant to suicide?

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Yeah, that'd probably get him in front of a proper review board very quickly... depending on the branch. Some of them are... not so nice.

As for the unwilling contestant? There's some things they can do, though it's usually only the shadier branches where it would come up. Most contestants are quite happy to be enrolled, after all.

1. None of the problems are lethal or potentially so yet... Unless you write a Taylor that is less intelligent at using what she's given than canon or something...
Well, we're not there yet in thread evolution, but at some point over 200-300 pages in length, even if 95% of the readers hate something, the remaining 5% will repeatedly shout over the 2% or less of critics that are in the mood to provide feedback at any given time.

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Food to hear it. I'm hoping to keep the story going long enough for that to start being a problem, though hopefully without generating a hugbox or a hatebox. I also actually have something resembling a plot planned out up until arc 4 or 5, depending. Of course, arc 3 is likely to have a lot of slice of life stuff in it, what with the nature of writing about Slut Life on a (mostly) SFW forum.

For now, we're just (somewhat aggressively) nitpicking. But please don't overcompensate in response to the early nitpicking, or you risk writing yourself into a corner like LacksCreativity did and turning that nitpicking into a self-fulfilling prophecy (i.e. a Taylor that never learned, developed as a person, or stopped wangsting).

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One of the bright sides of having a buffer that's already been somewhat proofread is that it is somewhat insulating from nitpicking, especially when I can honestly say "That concern you have? It'll be covered in a few chapters," or "That's a good point. Let me add something to address it." I've done both so far, and I plan on continuing to do so for as long as my buffer holds out.

Thankfully, as far as I can tell, you don't have an angsty Taylor... which in and of itself is suspicious. Is the air at SL HQ filled with chemicals to make a person relaxed and somewhat high like weed does? Because canon Taylor is... not this relaxed... About anything... Ever... There's a reason Wildbow himself said that ACP was the most accurate-to-canon Taylor he'd seen (despite the amount of hatedom that fic accrued).

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A lot of this is that I honestly have a hard time writing believable angst and knowing better than to try it for no reason. Also, this is a Taylor who hasn't been pushing her Conflict Drive down for three months of continued bullying. She's also dealing with a sympathetic-seeming person who is supposedly trying to help her. These are situations that basically didn't come up in canon Worm very often. Hell, Wildbow time skipped over one of the best opportunities for Taylor to interact with her father in a meaningful way.

No, I said the backstory (i.e. showing how the various owner "guilds" selected their representatives) was the only good thing about the fic since Taylor started filling out the CYOA, then decided that there was no point in arguing more with two months of entirely actionless dialgoue already written and queued up. Two people doing nothing but talk for pages on end does not usually make for interesting. You still haven't done anything with the TV since they turned it on as they started.

I'm also still confused by why you spent ~2.5k-3k words on the entertainment section, but summarized the body mods in about 500.

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Sorry about mischaracterizing that, then. From the way I'm reading what you said here, I think I may have misread your original post somewhat. That's what I get for reading and replying right before bed while I have a headache.

I will say that it is in no way two months worth of 'actionless dialogue', though I will admit that it is not nearly as exciting as a lot of Worm-fic readers tend to prefer. There are chapters that amount to doing nothing but talking, but that is the minority. I attempted to add world building and actual background plot in as I could.

As for the body mods... yeah, I probably should have gone through all of that more thoroughly, going back and fleshing it out more once I decided to dig in deeper into the other sections. Still, most of the interactions would have involved "Why aren't you paying me to take that?" and "Hell no!" so it would have been even less interesting than the other bits.

What I meant by that was this: would this Taylor have the option of doing any Worm CYOAs as the "Meta" reward?

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Missed this earlier... Yes, Taylor could, technically, take Meta with the Worm CYOA, but it wouldn't get her back to her Earth Bet, so I doubt she'd take the option, were it presented. It would also likely leave her without a ready way to get back to her Earth Bet.

 

[edale]

Still, most of the interactions would have involved "Why aren't you paying me to take that?" and "Hell no!" so it would have been even less interesting than the other bits.

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It would have garnered some interesting reactions from Cindy, at the very least. And her reactions to some of the kinkier stuff can be some of the best parts of a chapter.

"You want me to PAY for fuckable nipples!!! But you'll pay me to get a tattoo? That... Can't be right."

It would also likely leave her without a ready way to get back to her Earth Bet.

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The Worm COYA has ways to get back to your home dimension. Worst case, just take a dimensional travel power as one of your options.

 

[Guardian54]

A lot of this is that I honestly have a hard time writing believable angst and knowing better than to try it for no reason. Also, this is a Taylor who hasn't been pushing her Conflict Drive down for three months of continued bullying. She's also dealing with a sympathetic-seeming person who is supposedly trying to help her. These are situations that basically didn't come up in canon Worm very often. Hell, Wildbow time skipped over one of the best opportunities for Taylor to interact with her father in a meaningful way.

As for the body mods... yeah, I probably should have gone through all of that more thoroughly, going back and fleshing it out more once I decided to dig in deeper into the other sections. Still, most of the interactions would have involved "Why aren't you paying me to take that?" and "Hell no!" so it would have been even less interesting than the other bits.

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Snipped and numbered by block:

1. Thank goodness.

On the "keeping a lid on it for 3 months" front, well she's been getting fucked over by bureaucracy for over 16 months. Now she's looking at literally getting fucked by bureaucracy... I really would expect far more effort to get out of it, or at least to negotiate a better deal a la "You give me this, this and this for free and I MIGHT consider participating, otherwise, well... I want a lawyer. I trust multiversal law is even more diabolical than back home. You have me completely in your power, right? And are trying to force me onto this show of yours? That means I hold all the cards right now because I have something you want, while I highly doubt you're going to airlock me for demanding just a few more credits..."

Sane and rational characters generally come out as Mary Sues.

2. By glossing over the body mods, you missed a giant potential point that I for one have personal knowledge of, as described below.

"You want me to PAY for fuckable nipples!!! But you'll pay me to get a tattoo? That... Can't be right."

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Cindy: "You do realize that if you ever decide to have children and breastfeed, which is the healthiest choice for babies and reinforces bonds between mother and child as well as helping maternal recovery, that Fuckable Nipples plus Flexible Holes means they will never permanently deform or even seriously hurt due to a just-teething baby trying to bite on them, due to alterations to the surrounding connective tissue? Even just biting with gums hurts, a LOT. I had children before participating, then had children later in life, after taking those body mods. HUGE. DIFFERENCE."

I AM COMPLETELY SERIOUS HERE!
Permanent deformation from teething infants trying to gnaw is a real-life issue my mother had by the time she weaned me at ten months. I learnt this because my sister is much younger than me, I can remember her feedings very clearly, and it was pretty obvious that "dangly ends" was harder for a baby's rooting reflex to latch onto than "no deformation".

Ah but of course Taylor was an only child...

 

[Tortoise]

On the "keeping a lid on it for 3 months" front, well she's been getting fucked over by bureaucracy for over 16 months. Now she's looking at literally getting fucked by bureaucracy... I really would expect far more effort to get out of it, or at least to negotiate a better deal

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Why would you expect such effort? In my opinion you should expect inaction based on canon. She'd mostly given up on authority and made no actions to change her school situation, neither with her powers nor in any in-system bureaucratic fashion. Why would she believe "I want a lawyer" would do any good whatsoever? I think it's quite believable she goes along with Cindy, who's the first "authority" in a long time to at least act in a genuinely supporting manner, even if she still believes she'll get screwed over by the system. "Nothing I can do about that" is a believable attitude towards "the system".

 

[Guardian54]

Why would you expect such effort? In my opinion you should expect inaction based on canon. She'd mostly given up on authority and made no actions to change her school situation, neither with her powers nor in any in-system bureaucratic fashion. Why would she believe "I want a lawyer" would do any good whatsoever? I think it's quite believable she goes along with Cindy, who's the first "authority" in a long time to at least act in a genuinely supporting manner, even if she still believes she'll get screwed over by the system. "Nothing I can do about that" is a believable attitude towards "the system".

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Because I'm fucking allergic to dismal hopeless emos.

A big enough knock should result in a FUCK THIS SHIT moment like what finally pushed Taylor into going out caping.

 

[Tortoise]

A big enough knock should result in a FUCK THIS SHIT moment like what finally pushed Taylor into going out caping.

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Yeah, she "went caping", mostly as a form of escapism from her problems. She still didn't really do anything about the problems, and seemed mostly resigned to waiting it out.

 

[Guardian54]

Yeah, she "went caping", mostly as a form of escapism from her problems. She still didn't really do anything about the problems, and seemed mostly resigned to waiting it out.

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I hate doormats.

Spoiler: Thanks for the epiphany

My maternal uncle was indoctrinated by his parents to be a doormat/cannon fodder (in 1960s-1970s China) as the only son of the family, and he's the most useless male in my entire extended family.
The sort of worldview Taylor has and stubborn stupidity... ah, so that's why my initial reaction after reading some Worm fanfics was "no way in hell I'd ever read Worm".
I didn't realize it at the time.
Thank you for helping me realize exactly why my response to "More Mental Baggage Than Shinji Ikari" was so overwhelmingly bad. It wasn't the Shinji-esque mental problems. It was the base mindset compared to Shinji at least putting up a fight for most of NGE.

And growing up in Brockton Bay as a pure doormat (i.e. not just biding your time for a chance to strike back undetected) seems like a great way to simply be ground under... which is not something Annette (if competent, and leaving Lustrum on seeing the way the wind is blowing argues she's not socially retarded like Taylor) would teach her kid.

The dissonance between the competence you expect from Taylor based on background, and how competent you can expect Annette and Danny to have been (i.e. more competent than "one best friend and almost no others") and the actual plot of Worm is something that gets me almost as badly as Jaune Arc of RWBY.