Cu-nosuba: God’s Blessing on This Lancer’s Holy Grail War!

[Cherry Lover]

I have forgot a fair bit of the details. Could have sworn it was one rape too many xD

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Well, part of it was that Sakura felt she "belonged" to Shirou now, so she resisted Shinji, but when he threatened to tell Shirou, she just let him do it because she didn't want Shirou to find out (because she knew Shirou would beat Shinji into a pulp, and she didn't want to put him in that position). But, then, it became obvious to her that he was going to tell Shirou anyway, so she went "I wish he was dead" and suddenly he was dead.

 

[Davos]

Well, part of it was that Sakura felt she "belonged" to Shirou now, so she resisted Shinji, but when he threatened to tell Shirou, she just let him do it because she didn't want Shirou to find out (because she knew Shirou would beat Shinji into a pulp, and she didn't want to put him in that position). But, then, it became obvious to her that he was going to tell Shirou anyway, so she went "I wish he was dead" and suddenly he was dead.

Click to shrink...

Thank you for the refresher...though hearing it years later can't help but make me think of a friend's complaints with ntr stories on how some characters think

 

[Cherry Lover]

Thank you for the refresher...though hearing it years later can't help but make me think of a friend's complaints with ntr stories on how some characters think

Click to shrink...

Well, yeah, Sakura is someone who has been abused for years and has zero sense of self-worth. She's unlikely to have a healthy idea of what a relationship should be like. Fortunately, she's with someone who will love her unconditionally and do his best to help her cope with that.

 

[Davos]

The next morning, Taiga and Sakura left for their respective homes to handle matters, leaving the trio of master and servants to discuss their options.

"…I think we should approach Illya." Rin suggests.

"No." Kazuma promptly says.

"I'm not a fan of this option either but-"

"But nothing, you saw how badass her servant was, she has no reason to join forces with us!" Kazuma says.

"She will, if she thinks what Kirei has in the church is a threat, which is where you come in!"

"You expect me to negotiate again after how horribly the one with Shinji went? And I suspect despite her shortness and murderous urges, she is much smarter than she appears."

"He has a point master. I doubt Illya will see much point in joining forces when she can merely force her way." Archer says.

"So you can't flub the truth for your own gain again?"

"I don't lie! And I think she'll buy it! She reminds me a bit of a mad mage I knew, who despite her quirks is rather intelligent."

"You got a better plan to deal with Caster with her reserve of mana on a ley line then?" Rin asks.

Kazuma remains silent.

Shirou stands up after eating and heads for the door. Saber follows him.

"I'm heading to Taiga's, I'll be safe. I doubt anything will be accomplished today between their bickering and general uncertainty."

"I will not-"

"I will use a command seal if need be." Shirou says, cutting off Saber.

"What makes you so sure Taiga's place is safe?" Cu asks.

"…There's usually a lot of people there. I doubt Caster will attack that in broad day light."

"A dozen family members is not exactly enough for safety." Saber says.

"It's more like a hundred people."

"Why does she have a hundred people?"

"They…work for her family." Shirou says before leaving. Archer glances at him with a raised brow.

'Odd….usually he would stay and join the strategy meeting or go for training…then again this whole time line is messed up.' Archer thinks before glancing at Kazuma, who meets his gaze.

Shirou returns later that night with two suitcases.

"Will you give it a rest? I'm not going!" Kazuma says.

"…I'll join you and Sakura for an outing the next day." Rin says and Kazuma agrees after setting terms for no magic and murder, making Shirou grimace.

===

The next day they wake up early to begin the long trek to the Einzbern castle, eating a simple breakfast of cold leftovers and wait by the gate for Shirou.

"Sorry, this took a little longer than I expected to get on." Shirou says as he approaches the gate.

"About time, what was taking you so-ooo…" Rin trails off when she sees Shirou approach in a black suit and trench coat, a suit case in hand.

"That's…fine…" She says, still looking at Shirou with wide eyes.

"You're drooling." Kazuma whispers, making Rin blush and dab at her mouth with a handkerchief. When there is nothing on it, she glares at Kazuma.

He grins before chancing on Saber's face.

She is pale, open mouthed, and croaking slightly.

"…You ok Saber?" Cu asks.

Saber does not respond, instead merely looking more vacant eyed, muttering 'it's happening again…'.

Even Archer is shocked.

Eventually Rin recovers as they near the castle.

"…Einzbern castle has a defense system that won't let anyone near it, making them get turned around and leave the forest if they approach. I had planned some measure to bypass it but…"

"Illya wants us to approach."

"I think she wants to take us out in one swoop." Cu says, getting begrudging agreements from everyone as they approach the castle gate.

They open of their own accord with a magestic creak and no one nearby.

Kazuma turns around, getting three pairs of hands on him to prevent his escape.

Cu's, Rin's, and Shirou's.

"…Do none of you see how bad a castle gate opening on it own is? That is literally the start of a horror movie!"

"We're already here. May as well see what's inside." Cu says as he drags Kazuma to the inside of the castle. After a few slow steps inside, a wave mana swarms them.

===

Rin looks around, pointing her hand in a circle, ready to shoot the first thing she sees, almost leading to her shooting Saber.

"What the…?" Rin asks before lowering her arm.

"…I think Illya used that magic to separate us."

"Great...divide and conquer…" Rin says before looking at the long ornate table.

"Hopefully they aren't too far…" Saber says before leading Rin out of the room.

"…You seem to know where you are going?"

"That…is a story for another time…" Saber says.

===

Archer's eye twitches when he sees he is alone with Shirou in a random hallway.

'In most other circumstances this would be ideal…' He thinks before sighing and going down a hallway before sidestepping a dive bombing bird of wire. He cuts it down with his short sword and turns his gaze down the hall, seeing three more. Then one turns into a swrod and plunges straight for Shirou at a blazing speed. Archer slashes it with relative ease.

'Well, can't let him die yet…' Archer thinks with a grimace before the birds fly off, knowing they cannot best a servant.

===

Kazuma and Cu wind u in the garden, Kazuma pale faced, Cu grimacing at the sight before them.

Illya sitting in a chair humming happily with a maid at each side, one of those maids holding a halberd, and Heracles behind her, staring Kazuma and Cu Chulainn down, just waiting for an order.

"I must say, I thought you would have run away long before coming to my castle, you worm~."

"I thought this party would have more sense…but desperate times…I suspect I know your answer, but how do you feel about joining forces?" Kazuma asks and Illya stares at him a moment before giggling.

"You are very amusing…Maybe I should keep you as a pet jester?" Illya asks while resting her face against her hand while leaning to the right with the smuggest of grins. A moment later it falters.

"Wait, are you serious?"

"In my defense, it wasn't my idea…"

"That makes sense…but why would I ever join forces with anyone? Berserker is unbeatable! And even if he wasn't…You would be the literal last option. I doubt you would even suffice as cannon fodder." Illya says with a squinty eyed smirk, making Kazuma clench a fist.

"No servant is unbeatable missy! Most heroes have a tragic ending!" Cu says.

"True…but I doubt any are as tragic as your circumstances right now, Hound. I'm not even sure you could harm Heracles even if you had a proper master~." Illya says, making Cu frown.

"I did not come here to be abused by an albino loli!" Kazuma shouts.

"I am not a loli! I'm 18!" Illya shouts back while standing with balled fists.

"Talk about stunted as Hell!" Kazuma shouts, making Illya gasp.

"How dare you! I am not-"

"If you were even half as intelligent as you make yourself out to be, maybe you would ask about why we approached you! Do you know about Caster being on top of a ley line with two servants of her own?; Or that the priest has something in the church that made Cu here have a bad feeling?" Kazuma says.

"I knew about Caster, but the priest is new info…"

"Maybe you'll learn more if you stop trying to compensate with your low stature by wearing risqué as hell underwear! I mean seriously! Do you have any idea how disappointing it was to find out you were wearing that?! I had to set it on fire to cleanse my soul!" Kazuma yells, making Illya pale as one of the maids glares at her master.

"What was she wearing?" The servant with squinted eyes asks, making Kazuma confused a moment before he grins.

"Y-you made your point…How about me and Berserker go to the church with you and your group to ascertain and kill this-"

"A thin piece of black material on strings…it can barely be called-"

"You bastard…! Berserker, go and-"

"Illyasviel Von Einzbern! Were you raiding my underwear drawer again!? How did you get past the lock?! It should be magic proof!" The maid asks, making Illya flinch.

"She couldn't, it was one of mine…and one of my favorites too." The other maid says in a slight monotone.

"I'll gladly replace it for you." Kazuma says with a spark in his eye, making Leysritt blush.

"Oh my God…" Cu mutters with a hand at his head

"Leysritt, why did you allow that to happen?!" Sella asks with a hand at her head.

"I didn't, it was an order." Leysritt says.

"Please don't say anything else Leysritt…" Illya says as the other maid grips Illya's shoulder.

"…Sella?"

"30 page treatise on the 'Angel's Poem'. "

"But I already mastered it!" Illya whines.

"You want to make it 50?!"

"…Do I still get-"

"And no dessert." Sella says, making Illya groan with a tear in her eye.

Kazuma nearly collapses from laughter.

'Not at all how I expected this to go…' Cu thinks with a flat stare.

"Can I get dessert if I kill them?"

"Maybe, but that would include the others in the-Illya!" Sella shouts when Cu appears closer, grimacing with his spear trained on Illya.

Only for Leysritt to deflect his spear with the halberd.

"Out of the way!" Cu says, quickly pivoting to kick the maid away, only to have his leg grabbed by Leysritt, stopping and holding him in place.

Before pivoting herself, bringing Cu up over her shoulder and smashing him face first onto the ground, before repeating the maneuver a few more times to Cu's utter shock and pain, making Illya laugh as he is then thrown back across the garden, past Kazuma, and into a pillar.

"What…the Hell?" Cu and Kazuma both ask at the same time.

"Leysritt has strength comparable to a B rank servant." Sella states.

"Cu…"

"B-" Cu moans from the ground.

"The difference isn't that much is it?!"

"Behold, the power of the element of surprise. No one expects the maid to kick ass." Leysritt says in monotone pride.

"How are you still alive?!" Illya asks in between raucous laughter, tears forming at her eyes.

'Starting to wonder that myself…' Kazuma thinks before the ground shakes.

Looking up he sees Heracles approach, his gaze trained skyward.

"I'm surprised you are here young man." Medea says from the roof with Rider by her side.

"How did you get past the security measure?!" Illya and Sella ask at the same time.

"I practice magic from the age of the Gods. I barely noticed your so called 'defenses'~." Medea says, prompting Heracles to jump and raise his blade. Rider removes her mask and in an instant, Heracles turns to stone, falling backwards and crashing to the ground, shattering in multiple places.

"Wha- Medusa?!" Illya shouts in befuddlement as Rider puts her blindfold back on.

"Wait…the famous one?!" Kazuma asks.

"Indeed, and at nearly her full power too." Medea says.

"…I feel that I can get along with her."

"Why am I not surprised?" Cu mutters as he gets up from the ground.

 

[alextheconqueror]

Well, that's step one, now for the two to twelve