In the year 2027, Humanity mastered a technology less than a Decade old, allowing the people of...
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its not bad mind you but if it were not for the tags that i found upon rereading it twice i would have never known it was a digimon story. so perhaps expanding the intro to have some additional history and context would be nice more so than the discount mass effect 1 intro.In the year 2027, Humanity mastered a technology less than a Decade old, allowing the people of their world to communicate across the world with an ease never before seen.
But there was more to this technology than the average person knew, and the ramifications lead to a war that nearly destroyed two worlds.
While Corporations and Governments attempted to hide the results of this new technology, it was too far and too late to prevent this knowledge from reaching the world.
In the decades that followed, the mysterious that this revealed gave rise to startling new technology, enabling the people of that world to travel to the furthest stars.
They called it the greatest invention of the history of mankind.
But to the common person, it is simply known as
THE CYBER EFFECT
Washington Middle School, Room 215
Dìqiú City
Shanxi
2117
Elizabeth 'Lizzy' Keiton was trying her very best to keep her focus on her teacher, Mrs. Shelly, but in the end it was a lost cause. There were less than fifteen minutes before the end of the last class of the day, and Lizzy's mind had finally given up the ghost, instead meandering between thoughts of what she planned to do with the rest of her day, what she planned to do over the coming weekend, and naturally... Thoughts of food.
It wasn't that Lizzy was a bad student, but she was a twelve year old girl and it was the last class of the day on friday. And while many of her fellow students would completely understand the girl's status - her teacher did not.
"Miss Keiton?" Her teacher said from the front of the room, snapping the girl's mind back from the forests behind her home, "Your answer please?"
Lizzy flushed, quickly nodding as her eyes danced across the board in the front of the room. "Ah, uh, Yes Ma'am." Lizzy stumbled over her words, as she quickly stood. "Humanity first discovered the alien ruins on Mars in twenty fourty..." She pauses for a moment, trying her hardest to remember the correct answer. "four. Scientists studied the ruins for several years before it was discovered that the alien computers used... Hexinary?" She paused again. "Base seven maths for it's programming, rendering it completely inhospitable for human or data based life. Then, in 2052, it was thanks to the legendary doctor Soudou that we managed to first activate one of the alien spaceships stored within the alien complex."
The teacher nodded for a moment, before sighing. "Very close Miss Keiton, but- 2042, Septenary, 2054, and I was asking about the first time that we managed to activate a Architect Gateway." Lizzy deflated, nodding slightly embarrassed. "I understand that the day is nearly over Miss Keiton, but the day is not over yet, so you need to keep your focus.
"Yes Ma'am."
"Good. Now, perhaps you would like to finish your partner's question, Minomon?" The teacher asked, looking to the small insect like creature resting on the girl's desk.
The creature perked up, nodding once. "Of course Mrs. Shelly. The gateways were first discovered a few months after Doctor Soudou first managed to activate one of the Architect ships. Doctor Soudou and Doctor Sanada managed to activate the computer systems and with the assistance of several scientific teams managed to create a rudimentary translation that allowed us to read the computer systems externally." The creature began, "Professor Sanada managed to discover a starmap of the system and using it we were able to discover that a small ball of ice orbiting Charon, one of Pluto's moons, was actually an architect device." The small creature yawned, before adjusting itself in it's hardened shell before continuing.
"It was about a year and a half later that the Coalition of Sovereign Worlds decided to uncover the Gateway, after NASA managed to create a functional version of the Zeronium powered device that the alien spaceships used." Mrs. Shelly nodded, as she continued to listen to the creature's speech, not yet interrupting. "And while our Zeronium ships are still far from reaching the speeds of the alien ships, the first generation were even slower than the modern ones, only able to reach speeds of about five lightyears in a day. It was in December... I think, of 2055 when John Grissom was sent through the first gateway."
Mrs. Shelly nodded, "For the most part, very good Minomon," She said as she glanced up at the clock, "However it was the United Nations that approved the mission, as the Coalition hadn't been formed yet. Now, Everyone, for your homework you are to read Chapters 8, 9, and 10 in your history books, and fill out the vocabulary sections. You don't need to worry about the Questions at the end of each chapter this time, because these chapters are not written up to my personal standards, and you'll need my assistance to finish the questions in the book, so we will be going over them in class next week." As the teacher finished, the bell started to ring, and she watched as her students gathered up their things, almost rushing to get out the door.
With Minomon balanced on her shoulder, Lizzy made her way through the halls of her school, heading towards the bus stop outside when she heard a boy's voice call out to her, "Keiton." And it was all the girl could do to barely contain her sigh - because doing so would only have made this next little end-of-the-week ritual take even longer than it was already going to.
"Michael." The girl said as she turned to face the scruffy brown haired boy. "It's so nice to see you." Lizzy did her best to keep hold of her sarcasm, but some of it must have slipped, given the way the boy started to scowl.
"Careful," Michael bit out as he stood there, flanked by his two cronies Jeremy and Samantha. Jeremy was a lanky, bony boy nearly eight inches taller than Michael, who was three inches taller than Lizzy, with hands and feet that seemed to be two sizes too big for him. Samantha on the other hand could have possibly been considered cute, with a heart shaped face and her hair in a short bob with a little butterfly pin keeping her bangs out of her eyes - the defining word here is could have been considered cute, but there was nothing cute about the way the girl pursed her lips like she just took a bite into an overly sour lemon and squinted at everything around her. "Taking a tone like that with your betters could get you into trouble." Michael said, sending his two followers into a tizzy.
For some reason, Michael seemed to think that the fact that his digimon, Palmon, was a rookie level instead of Minomon's In-training level somehow meant that he was her 'better'. It was abject nonsense, not the least of which being the reason that the boy's Palmon was tiny, barely up to her waist, let alone his, when a properly cared for Palmon should have been nearly to his shoulder. And given that Jeremy and Samantha hadn't even been able to get a Digimon to agree to partner with them the idea that any of them considered themselves to be Lizzy's better was a patently ridiculous idea to her, and she wasn't particularly interested in playing to the boy's delusions.
"Is there something that you want?" She asked flatly, hoping that the boy didn't have anything further planned than trying to boast about how much better he was than her.
"I just wanted to check up on how the late-bloomer is doing," Michael said with (what he probably assumed was) a vicious grin.
"Minomon's doing fine," The girl said, starting to turn away, "He'll digivolve when he is good and ready, don't you worry about that." Lizzy really didn't want to be having this conversation, she had things to do.
...Mostly her homework and then going out into the forest in order to train digivolving with Minomon, but that was still things to do. "I wasn't talking about that little runt," Michael sing-songed. "Though I admit that it's a disappointment, but with a disappointment of a tamer what more can expect." Jeremy and Samantha were being as quiet as they ever were... Actually, now that Lizzy thought about it, she can't remember either of the two of them actually ever saying anything to her. Or... at least, if they did it was just as bland and boring as they are, so she must have forgotten it. "-ght at the third server arena, or else! You got that!"
"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Lizzy said, turning and waving at the boy, before walking away.
Michael was laughing as she left, but at this point she was just so done with the idiot and his complete failure to even be the slightest bit intimidating. "Hey Lizzy..." Minomon said after a few moments as the two exited the building and got onto the bus. "Were you just paying any attention to what you just agreed to?" The small digimon seemed to be a little exasperated, but more often than not that seemed to be Minomon's natural state, so it didn't faze the girl much.
"...Not really, did I agree to something stupid again?" She answered, leaving the small insect like creature to laugh.
"He wants his Palmon to fight me." Minomon said quietly, "I mean I-" The bus started to rumble, and the small digimon paused, looking over towards the front of the bus, where the air slowly starting to bubble outwards, purple cubes tesserating the air where the edge of the Digital Space that held the school ended. Once they passed that line, the two wouldn't be able to speak until the girl got home and finished her homework. "Nevermind, we'll talk about it when we go train, alright?" Lizzy nodded, and in a small flash of light, she watched as her Digimon zipped away into the small set of goggles that the girl wore around her neck.
Seriously, I have crossposted this on both SV and SB.
Is giving feedback really so difficult?
Trying to improve my writing doesn't work if all I get are LIKES
Blugh, I'm really not happy with this. I tried to balance getting some more of the lore details out with introducing Lizzy and her digimon Minomon, but I kind of feel like I only ended up botching both instead.
But I want to get through the important plot details explaining the Coalition and how the development of some of these technologies impacted the evolution of humanity and their relationship with Digimon before I get to the Gatekeeper's War.
But if I could get any feedback and the like that would be greatly appreciated.
Yeah, I really wanted to avoid the horribly cliched use of a timeline, so I tried to use the history class to try and cover some of that, but it didn't work nearly as well as I had originally intended. I'm planning for the next two chapters to cut between two of the scientists involved in the Martian Ruins and seat of government on earth in order to expand more on the historical and sociological changes that Digimon and access to Digital Spaces have wrought on human society.its not bad mind you but if it were not for the tags that i found upon rereading it twice i would have never known it was a digimon story. so perhaps expanding the intro to have some additional history and context would be nice more so than the discount mass effect 1 intro.
Huh, this gave me a bit of a thought. Why do it here anyway? I mean, yeah, think through the implications right away, but why start with a history lesson? I get that you want to explain all of this to the readers but maybe starting with just some scenes of everyday life would have been better than a history lesson. Let the history details come up organically if they are relevant to the story.Yeah, I really wanted to avoid the horribly cliched use of a timeline, so I tried to use the history class to try and cover some of that, but it didn't work nearly as well as I had originally intended. I'm planning for the next two chapters to cut between two of the scientists involved in the Martian Ruins and seat of government on earth in order to expand more on the historical and sociological changes that Digimon and access to Digital Spaces have wrought on human society.
After that, I'm planning a chapter to introduce the 'main characters' on the human side of the Gatekeeper war, then a chapter with the turians before actually starting things off proper.