The last thing Jason Ling expected waking up was to appear in a library light years away from...
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IBulit | 8 |
Yep, that's why comments are good. I haven't spotted this little plothole. I'll need to write in him getting clothes, considering in the next chapter he's already wearing something.So.. He's naked this whole time? LOL. Seems to be a trend these days.
his nakedness is about as sexually interesting for them as lizard's or mantis's nakedness for humans.)
mightykk said:Which could be a reason for them to 'forget' giving him any clothes. Also, he may not be allowed to purchase this 'luxury' for himself, until after he has paid his debts.
Just saying... There must be a reason why Skyclad is trending on topwebfiction.com
Well you don't have to wait for long))That sounds good too. I'm looking forward to the next installment.
I'll change the termin.You might want to change termins to terminology, unless your usage is intentional.
Termins is actually a bona fide word for dead-line, according to wikitionary.org.
Also isn't it a bit early for him to make a deal, which involves using his 'power'. Shouldn't he need to get a bit of training first? He wouldn't even have known that he had a power if Mossegg hadn't told him.
Yeah population spread is very uneven.Depending on size, a ring world could have the surface area of 3 million earths. If the population is 7 trillion, the population density works out to about 1 person per 220 sq KM.
It's reasonable that crowds would congregate at a market, but this should result in corresponding empty areas.
Surface area of Earth: 5.1 x 10^8 km^2
5.1 x 10^8 km^2 x 3 million / 7 trillion = 220 km^2
The narration was a bit choppy. If you plan to re-write, I suggest moving the section where the quanting mechanics are explained to the top, and then have them go to the fight club. Some of the suspense will be lost but it would give the narrative a logical flow.
First time writing different POV's, don't if i was able to convey differences in their voices.The POV change did a lot of world building. So is rigging fights just a way to feel out Jason? What does Kali really want with him. Anomaly or not, there seems to be no shortage of Quanters, considering this society allows them to be killed in pit fights.