Hermione Granger: Gamer, Monster [Outside POV Gamer SI in Harry Potter]

[Swordchucks]

I always wanted write op si gamer hp fanfic.

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To a degree, the OP Gamer SI is done to death. If you're going to do one, you need to find a twist to make it interesting. Outside POVs usually make it better, at least.

It's adorable that he thinks he is still sane

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Don't all sane people think about how very sane they are?

another Merlin

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The HP version of Merlin is very annoying.

I SHOULD think this is the stupidest thing

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It is. It doesn't get any smarter (or saner) either.

as this crossposted on space battles?

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No, the original drafts were in my drafts thread in the NSFW QQ section, and I'm posting this here and on AO3. Nowhere else at the moment.

 

[DIT_grue]

While she had become a chaotic presence in his daily life, she hadn't actually pulled her into any specific danger in two blissful months.

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him

 

[Wintercat]

Alright, this is very entertaining to read, but honestly a bit scared what this Hermione might pull off. I mean, that sudden drop of Pettigrew at the sorting ceremony and the retrieval of the Sword of Gryffindor, damn. The diadem also hinting at Voldie's grasp at half-life being all the more strained already with her potentially snapping those links here and there.

I am curious what all we'll get to see.

"The Chamber of Secrets has been opened"

"Sweet, about time we got a DLC area to loot to the flagstones!"

"The Tri-Wizard Tournament."

"Okay, the selection is tomorrow night, so remember. I levitate you up, you cast your most powerful incendio in the cup."

"It's already on fire!"

"Illusions, you think they'd charm every piece of paper fireproof individually? Even the little burn-marks are theatrics when the pieces are summoned out at the selection. So just think of your dead mom and dad and about the bullcrap that you've gone through because of Moldie Voldie, and channel all that into the biggest, most intense Incendio you've ever cast right at the middle of the cup."

"And the champions selection is... huh? Umm... we are having... technical difficulties, I believe it is... the cup isn't supposed to just snuff out... did nobody put their names in?!"

 

[Swordchucks]

"Oh no you don't!" Daisy declared and suddenly the strange creature - Dobby the house elf, he had called himself - was seized off Harry's bed by the scruff of his neck like a wayward kitten. Daisy hadn't been there a split second before.

Harry let himself relax a little because, as challenging as Daisy was, at least he understood her insanity. The little creature… not so much.

Up until the house elf had appeared, Harry had actually been having an amazing summer. No one had contacted him, but that also meant that Daisy had been leaving him alone. His family mostly ignored him, anyway, so it was just quiet. Peaceful. Relaxing.

Then the elf had showed up and started making cryptic statements and Harry's finely honed 'bullshit detection' senses had started going off. Just before the elf could do something drastic to 'protect' Harry, Daisy had appeared out of thin air and snatched him.

"We do not call the cops on people we don't want dead. Don't be a narc," Daisy admonished as she attempted to stare the elf in his bulbous eyes. Every time the little thing tried to look away, she would shake him a little and move the both of them so that he was forced to look at her again. He then looked away almost immediately and she repeated the process. "And don't worry about what your master has planned. I'll make sure that Harry Potter and everyone else worth saving survives."

Sometimes, Harry almost started to feel like Daisy was a good person. Then she had to go and say things like that. She had a bad habit of acting like most people just didn't matter.

"Daisy," Harry greeted awkwardly as the staring contest - or, rather the attempted staring contest - went on.

Daisy gave Dobby one last shake. "Go on home and don't worry about anything. I know exactly what your master intends, and I'll be making sure it doesn't cause any problems."

She placed the elf down on his feet with an almost gentle gesture and then patted him on the head. The elf looked as confused as Harry felt, but quickly popped away.

Once Dobby was gone, Daisy sighed heavily, displaying a level of empathy he wasn't accustomed to from her. "Little guy means well, but house elves are… well, it's complicated." Then she straightened up and gave him a wide small. "Anyway, ready to get the fuck out of here? It's your birthday and we should celebrate!"

The sinking feeling was back in his gut as he contemplated what, exactly, Daisy had in mind.

oOoOoOoOo

Daisy's plans threw him because they were actually somewhat normal. She had him pack all of his stuff which she promptly shoved into her inventory and then she hauled him into one of her dungeons. The place was a copy of the real world, only without any of the people or monsters. That made it a little creepy but a lot less scary than most of the ones he had been into since nothing was trying to eat him. On the other hand, inside said dungeon, she used her wand to hotwire a car and drove them all the way to Devon like it was the most natural thing in the world.

"Fun fact, the popo can't tell if you're using magic in a dungeon," she declared happily as the car roared to life.

What followed next didn't rank in his list of the 'top ten most terrifying Daisy moments', but it was a contender for an honorable mention. They made it from Surrey to Devon in only a couple of hours. A sane person would have taken three. Still, despite the speed, she was actually a very proficient driver, which he figured meant it was a skill she'd been working on.

Harry noticed with some relief that the stolen car stayed in the dungeon where it wouldn't have to be explained to any authorities.

"Where are we?" he asked her now that they were walking and almost certainly near their destination. He hadn't bothered asking before because he doubted she would have told him, and it wasn't like he wouldn't have gone with her, anyway. He was always morbidly curious to find out what she was up to. It was one of his more suicidal traits, really.

"Harry!" a voice yelled from up ahead on the path and he took his eyes off Daisy to see Ron jogging in his direction. "Where have you been, mate? We were worried because you weren't responding to our letters. I almost had the twins talked into a rescue operation to make sure you were okay."

"I thought you might like to spend a bit of time with the Weasleys," Daisy admitted, giving him a small grin.

Relief flooded him because that did sound like it would be nice. It was also much tamer than he had expected - practically normal, even.

oOoOoOoOo

The rest of the summer passed pleasantly. Daisy came and went - no doubt stealing cars in another dimension to get where she needed to go or something equally absurd - while Harry played Quidditch with the Weasleys and just generally had a great, relaxing time.

He'd always wondered what it would be like to be part of a big family growing up or even just a family that cared about each other. He was pretty sure that Daisy did care about him, but she wasn't the best about expressing it. In fact, she seemed to default to murdering monsters together as her primary bonding activity, which could be fun but was mostly terrifying.

It was one such day when Harry was hanging out in the Weasley family's living room and going through his new textbooks that he had just purchased in Diagon Alley. The whole shopping trip had been a bit exciting, what with Malfoy Senior and Mr. Weasley getting into it and Gilderoy Lockhart being… well, something.

"Ginny, is this one of yours?" Daisy asked as she lifted a book with a black leather cover, golden corner protectors, and a name embossed on it that was too small for him to read from where he was sitting.

"No? How did that get in there?" the younger girl asked, her eyebrows knitting together in confusion.

"Well, then, yoink." The book vanished into Daisy's inventory. "If anyone is missing it, they can come ask me about it."

Ginny shrugged. "I guess. How did you do that disappearing thing, anyway?"

Daisy grinned widely and wiggled her fingers. "Magic!"

"Ha ha," Ginny responded in the deadpan tone of voice that only the sister of Fred and George Weasley could have perfected. "I didn't see a wand."

Daisy cocked her head to the side as though studying the younger girl. "Think of it like… a magical skill. I can't really teach you how to do that specific thing, but there's other stuff you might find cool. You're starting Hogwarts this year, right? It's best to be prepared."

Harry's blood ran cold and he got up to go find Ron. He really, really needed someone to save Ginny from Daisy without forcing him to get in the middle of it.

oOoOoOoOo

Ginny did not want to be saved, as it turned out. In fact, her enthusiasm for Daisy's training was so intense that Daisy herself seemed a little unnerved by it.

It did buy Harry some peace and quiet, at least, since Daisy's attention during her frequent visits was split between the two of them instead of just him. Ron seemed to find it all hilarious, but he'd already been smart enough to avoid making Ginny mad even before she started twirling around knives and mumbling about eviscerating orcs when she was distracted.

Eventually, the lazy summer came to an end and they were whisked back to Hogwarts for another year.

"Miss Granger," Professor McGonagall said as she came around to pass out schedules on the first morning. "You'll be pleased to note that the Board of Governors has reviewed the proposal you submitted and tentatively approved it for next year, provided a suitable instructor can be found."

That seemed to bring Daisy up short. "What, really?" Then her face broke into a wide smile. "That's wonderful."

Professor McGonagall graced her with a small smile of her own. "Your proposal was most persuasive. After reviewing it, I firmly agreed with your points, as well. Please keep up the good work."

Daisy beamed after the departing professor and Ron shared a look with Harry. Harry sighed and decided to go ahead and get it over with.

"What proposal?" he asked suspiciously.

"Oh," she turned her smile on him. It was less predatory than normal. "We start taking electives next year, and I heard that one of them was Muggle Studies. However, there's no class on wizarding culture, so I started asking around and decided to advocate for one based on what I learned."

Harry was a little lost at that thought because it sounded perfectly sane and reasonable. "That does sound like a good idea," he admitted. He had no idea what information he was missing on the world of wizards, but he was sure that there was a lot of it.

Daisy nodded enthusiastically. "This way, we'll know more about how to bring down the wizarding patriarchy from the inside when the time comes."

There it was. Harry relaxed a little as the puzzle pieces fell into place. It still sounded like it would be a good class, but at least he understood Daisy's motivations now.

Daisy caught Ginny's eye and raised a closed fist in her direction. "Viva la revolución."

Ginny smiled and returned the gesture. "Viva la revolución."

Spoiler: Notes

Entirely too busy this week. I meant to have this up yesterday, but yeah. Anyway, here you go.

 

[Barbaric_Bob]

have them hand over the tools for your fight! FIGHT FOR YOUR FREEDOM!

 

[AwkwardHymn]

Harry is just like"this is my life. God help me." At Daisy all the time. Can't wait for the chaos of the Triwizard tournament.

 

[andreykl]

This is hilarious!!! Thank you!

I really like how I can't tell if Hermione is a reincarnation or a child crippled by Gamer Mind, at least not from just reading the story (I know she is a self-insert). All the information she has and timely interventions can be easily explained by Observe and specific quests.

 

[ArsMagna1337]

Cough. Cough. Ahem. Ahem. Sucks in air.

♪CAN YOU HEAR THE PEOPLE SING!?♪

 

[Kuriboh1233]

I am both highly entertained and terrified about how the friendship between Ginny and Daisy will go. I'm fairly certain that accessing the pocket dimensions that contain the dungeons is an early step to being able to screw with us through the forth wall.

 

[SilverMoonIV]

I wonder if Ginny will invite Luna to join, and if Daisy will invite Weeping Mertil.

 

[moontheir4]

Then she straightened up and gave him a wide small.

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Smile

 

[Danielle723^^]

Honestly this is amazing and I love it! I can't wait for level 200 Harry to just curbstomp moldyshorts without even noticing and then just continue on like nothing of note happened

 

[Lillie Jones]

Thanks for the chapter.
Watched

 

[Swordchucks]

"What is this again?" Harry asked as he stared at the long document Daisy had put in front of him. There was a big area down at the bottom where he was supposed to sign, but he wasn't dumb enough to do so without at least skimming it and asking a few questions.

"It's a contract," Daisy said as though it should be obvious. "You're giving Professor Lockhart publishing rights to market his next book with your name included in exchange for half a percent of the gross. I could have gotten you more, but I assumed that you didn't want to be obligated to do public appearances as part of the promotion of the book. I'm getting the same deal for the stuff I'm giving him."

"I definitely don't want to do any public appearances, but why would I give him the other thing? Why would he even want it?" Harry asked, morbid curiosity again leading him down a path he probably should have avoided entirely.

"Well, you want your percentage off the gross because it's harder to manipulate that. If you try to just take a percentage of the profits - that's the net - then they can play all sorts of games where they make a ton of money in reality but on paper actually lose money. Hollywood used to do it all the time-"

"Not that. I mean why would I want to give him my name for his book? And what are you giving him, exactly?" Harry steered the conversation back to something useful as hard as he could. Daisy was bad about using tangents to baffle people, and he was rather used to having to redirect her.

"Well, I'm going to give him a tour of Salazar Slytherin's Chamber of Secrets and let him take some pictures of the basilisk after I kill it. You're mostly just letting him use your name and recount the events of tonight. We also promise to swear up and down that things happened the way they're described in the book if anyone asks afterwards so I guess you'll need to read it at some point, too. He's trying a new, gentler approach to sourcing his material on account of the fact that I'll murder him if he doesn't. Or let you. You haven't killed anyone lately, have you? Any urges I should be aware of?"

There were so many things wrong with that paragraph that Harry didn't know where to start. Well, he actually did. He had a finely honed sense for when the trouble that Daisy was brewing would bite him in the long-term or short-term, and she had mentioned 'tonight'. That reminded him of the date. "It's Halloween," he remembered.

Daisy's grin grew wide. "Yes, it's Halloween."

"What is going to try to kill me tonight?" he asked carefully. The other things she'd mentioned were bad, but Halloween was a clear and present danger to his life. It was definitely exciting, at least.

"How do you feel about spiders?"

oOoOoOoOo

"You said spiders," Harry growled as he fired yet another flame charm from his wand to keep the swarm from spreading out too much and engulfing their small group as they executed a fighting retreat away from the main nests. Combat useful flame charms were, strictly speaking, fourth year material but they were also the kind of thing he had plenty of incentive to study ahead on.

"Acromantula are a kind of spider," Professor Lockhart broke in. He was looking less wooden as time went on and he killed more of the things with the enchanted flamethrower that Daisy had produced for him. When the swarm had first attacked, he had all but frozen in terror, but he was doing much better after the second wave. As long as you ignored the fits of giggling and the obviously shaking hands. "Native to the rainforests of Borneo. One wouldn't think they would be able to breed in such numbers in this climate."

Harry was glad that Daisy had also provided the whole group with amulets enchanted with the Flame Freezing charm as the man raked the stream of fire across the horde, sending a couple of the creatures stumbling back and smoldering.

"Die!" came a scream as Ginny dropped on another of the giant spiders from above, flaming daggers in either hand.

"Does she need help?" Harry yelled. He was holding his own, but he wasn't as crazy as the redhead by any means.

"She's having fun," Daisy said as though he was silly for worrying about the younger girl. She was the sister of his best friend - well, his best normal friend - so he had to worry, right?

oOoOoOoOo

"Where were you last night, mate?" Ron asked at breakfast the next morning. Harry was tired, but not more than usual for a morning after one of Daisy's half-hearted attempts to get him killed.

He was pretty sure that Daisy didn't need to sleep and Ginny had tapped into some latent ability that let her substitute chaos for rest - much like the twins. Professor Lockhart was probably the one that came closest to commiserating with him, but the older man obviously knew charms that kept him looking his best in spite of it. Harry wondered if the man could teach him some of them. It seemed frivolous, but he had to admit there was a difference between secretly feeling like dung and having everyone around you know that you felt like dung.

"It was Halloween," he said as though it answered everything. In a way, he supposed that it did because Ron nodded knowingly and gave him a pat on the shoulder.

He didn't know if it was Daisy's explicit intention or not, but he never really dwelled on his parent's deaths. He hadn't known them, so he wasn't really able to 'miss' them. The Dursleys weren't great, but lots of families were worse, if the newspaper was anything to go by. He tried to focus on the fact that while his childhood hadn't been particularly enjoyable, it also hadn't been that terrible, either.

He just wished that she didn't keep finding crazy monsters to throw at him.

oOoOoOoOo

One of the good things about Daisy being a terrible actor was that Harry could tell when she was serious about something. That was why, when she flopped down at the table for breakfast looking pale and shaken, he was immediately concerned.

"Is everything alright?" he asked gently, trying not to spook the normally volatile girl.

"It's… yes, it's fine. It's… well, it's just Luna Lovegood."

Ron was sitting right there, as well, and hurriedly chewed the food in his mouth and swallowed before answering. That was a habit that Daisy had drilled into him during their first year, though Ron had gotten really evasive the one time Harry asked him how she'd done it.

"Luna? Always going on about made up creatures? She's barmy. but she's harmless. Nicer than my sister, at least." Ron's survival instincts kicked in at that point and he looked around for said sister, though he lucked out and she was sitting too far away to have heard.

"They aren't made up," Daisy mumbled and shuddered, her eyes focused on something in the distance that wasn't there. "Not made up at all."

Again, Harry's curiosity tempted him to ask for more information, but after a moment's consideration, he decided that sometimes he really didn't need to know.

oOoOoOoOo

"The Chamber of Secrets has been opened? Enemies of the heir beware?" someone read aloud. Harry was near the back of the crowd clustered in the hallway outside of the Great Hall. It was mid March and the school year had been relatively peaceful after Halloween. That deranged house elf had shown up a few more times, but Daisy seemed to have a sixth sense for him and had so far stopped anything stupid from happening.

"That sounds terrible," Daisy said from behind Harry. She was doing that thing where she talked to someone like it was a private conversation but spoke loudly enough so that everyone around them could hear her. In other words, she was up to something. "The Chamber of Secrets is said to house Slytherin's Monster, and the last time it was opened, a student died."

Draco Malfoy - who was Harry's rival in the sense that he was convinced he was Harry's rival and ignored the fact that Harry didn't care if he lived or died - laughed loudly. "You mudbloods had better watch out! The Heir of Slytherin will be coming for you, first. Then he will come for the blood traitors!"

"Oh, no!" Daisy interjected, though Harry picked up on her poor acting yet again. "As a beautiful and talented Muggleborn, I am very worried for my safety."

Harry closed his eyes and rubbed at his temples. Whatever idiocy Daisy was up to this time, he wanted no part of it. At least she'd stopped doing that thing where she made him repeat weird phrases to the stuffed snake she had been carrying around since Christmas.

oOoOoOoOo

"Fear not," Professor Lockhart declared, his voice heavy with grim determination and glorious purpose. "I will find a way to breach the Chamber and rescue Miss Granger." Unlike Daisy, he was actually a great actor, which Harry appreciated.

Harry would have been more worried if Daisy had not explicitly mentioned something about this around Halloween. There had been a lot going on so he hadn't remembered to ask for details at the time and now he kind of wished he had. On the other hand, it was clear that Professor Lockhart had an arrangement with Daisy, and this part didn't need to involve Harry himself, so he was happy to let it just go on without him.

"Do you think she'll be alright, mate?" Ron asked worriedly.

"They'll be fine." Harry both appreciated Ron's concern and envied his innocence.

oOoOoOoOo

"Are you sure that you are going to be okay, Harry?" Daisy asked, and the genuine concern in her voice made him listen up for once. They were sharing a compartment on the train ride home, a few days after Daisy's miraculous 'rescue' from the Chamber of Secrets and their respective emotional support Weasleys had vanished to look for their brothers.

"Why wouldn't I be okay?" he asked carefully. It was important to listen to what Daisy wasn't saying as much as it was important to listen to her actual words.

"Well, it's just… you haven't killed anyone all year. I know about your," she lowered her voice like she was mentioning a secret, "urges."

"I don't have any 'urges'," he protested. "And we did kill a bunch of giant spiders."

"Well, that was months ago and those hardly count. They might have been able to scream in pain, but they were also maneaters to the core. Culling the swarm ultimately saved loads of lives, even if you just count the centaurs, so it was practically your civic duty to help kill them."

"It was fine," Harry tried. He really didn't want to have this conversation anymore, but there wasn't an easy way out of it.

"I just don't want you suffering from murder blue balls," she offered. "Want to go find Draco? He's not not on my list, and I can add him if you need a fix. We can probably make it look like an accident."

Harry took a deep breath and counted to three. The phrase 'murder blue balls' was forcibly pushed out of his mind in the process, and he hoped it never wedged itself back in there. "Being a jerk isn't a good enough reason to murder someone," he said after a moment.

Daisy pouted and crossed her arms over her chest dramatically. "It should be."

Spoiler: Notes

When I fall out of write/edit mode, I fall out hard. Ultimately, I blame Skitterdoc, but it's complicated. No promises on when the next one will hit as next week is full of audits.

 

[Lillie Jones]

Ahh Daisy ( Hermione) never Change ,HAHA!
At least Harry Potter survived the Chamber of Secrets adventure and didn't destroy the Basiilk snake and not dealing with the Heir of Sytherin BS at Hogwarts School and Dueling Club.
Does even know he can speak Parseltongue yet again or Daisy butterflies that away too.
Continue on
Cheers!

P. S Yes Malfoy doesn't deserve to die yet for being jerk Daisy, but Harry and Daisy have different opinion of supposed Draco Malfoy family drama.

 

[Crista20]

This just gets more insane each chapter

 

[ArsMagna1337]

Wait... Dark Lord's equal... Oh god. Totally-Not-Dark Lord Harry is on a genocidal maniac route! Run!

 

[Kuriboh1233]

Daisy pouted and crossed her arms over her chest dramatically. "It should be."

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Wise beyond her reincarnated years.

 

[Squid]

LMAO She thinks he's a serial killer. Her memory of the books is less clear than I thought, leading to GLORY!

 

[poyac]

When I fall out of write/edit mode, I fall out hard. Ultimately, I blame Skitterdoc, but it's complicated. No promises on when the next one will hit as next week is full of audit

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Skitterdoc is in the top 5 best fanfics I've read. Possibly #1. It's amazing, not too easy and not depressing.

 

[Swordchucks]

Skitterdoc is in the top 5 best fanfics I've read.

Click to shrink...

The fic is good, but the bigger issue is that it sent me down the CP2077 rabbit hole. I didn't play it at release, and it's currently in a very good state which makes it a very good game. I had much the same experience with Mass Effect: Andromeda.

There's another story called Ghost in the City which is just a straight-up CP2077 SI story and is equally enjoyable.

 

[DIT_grue]

She's barmy. but she's harmless.

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This full stop in the middle of the sentence should be a comma (or get deleted).

 

[Swordchucks]

"Oof."

Harry recognized Daisy's voice immediately. That and the fact that she was the only person he knew that would invade his room at Privet Drive were the only reasons that he didn't jump when he heard her flopping onto his bed in the middle of the summer. Instead, he just kept working on his broomstick with the cleaning kit he'd gotten for Christmas the previous year.

"Hey, Harry. Did you know that wizards have only really had plumbing for a couple of centuries? They actually stole the idea from the muggles, and before that, they used to just shit themselves whenever they needed to go and Vanish it after."

Harry's lip curled up at the idea. "They haven't taught us to Vanish stuff yet."

Daisy laughed. "Nope. It's a fifth year spell. So do you think they used to shit in buckets up until fifth year or did everyone walk around with crap all over them until they could find someone to do the spell for them? If they used buckets, do you think that when they finally learned the spell, they were like 'finally, now I can just shit myself like a grownup' and started doing that?"

Harry had to admit that of the things that Daisy randomly threw at him, it was one of the more amusing. Absurd and disgusting, but still amusing.

He started putting away his cleaning kit and put his broom back into the case he kept it in.

"So, Daisy, to what do I owe the pleasure?" he asked as he turned to face her and the girl's face lit up.

"Dance with me, Harry!" she squealed and hopped up from the bed, grabbing his hand and twirling him around when he rose.

Harry laughed. When she wasn't trying to get him killed, he almost liked her. She certainly made his life more interesting, at least.

"It's your birthday! Happy birthday!" she giggled. "I promised Luna that I'd come by later and take her and her father into a dungeon to look for exotic creatures."

"Didn't you say that her creatures are terrifying?" he asked, vaguely remembering a pale and shaking Daisy from the previous year.

"Oh, they're horrible!" Daisy declared happily. "But they're worth a lot of experience points, and I only have the option when I'm with Luna. Ginny is going to meet us there, too, since they're practically neighbors."

Harry was again at that crossroads he stood at entirely too often. Down one path, the one a sane man would walk, he'd tell her 'no'. That path was safe and less likely to lead to nightmares. The other path, though, held the unknown and as much as he would outright deny it if asked, he had a burning curiosity that couldn't be denied.

There was a reason the hat had insisted he belonged in Gryffindor, despite his half-hearted protests.

Harry sighed dramatically. Curious or not, it wouldn't do to let Daisy think he was too eager to join her. "Alright, let me pack."

oOoOoOoOo

Harry was never quite sure how 'real' the dungeons that Daisy created were. They looked real. They felt real. However, the creatures they contained could be absolutely unreal in appearance and often refused to follow the laws of physics and magic.

It was a large part of why he'd convinced himself that Daisy and her dungeons were figments of his imagination when he was younger. Even knowing that magic was real and having other people meet Daisy had only mostly convinced him that he wasn't still imagining things.

That had never been more true than when he let Daisy haul him along for an 'expedition' with the Lovegoods.

"Oh, those are Umgubular Slashkilters!" the cheerful blond declared as a trio of creatures resembling nothing so much as pony-sized praying mantises burst into the clearing.

"Right you are, pumpkin," her father declared followed by the 'floosh' noise of his wizarding camera's flash going off. "Beautiful specimens, too!"

The things hissed a challenge and charged right at the group only to be counter-charged by Ginny. The redheaded girl was even smaller in build than Harry was, but she made up for it with an almost impossible level of energy and a terrifying level of viciousness.

"Ginny, tunnel vision!" Daisy yelled from beside Xenophilius where she was 'supervising'.

Ginny, for her part, continued to have tunnel vision, and Harry had to step in to swipe at one of the creatures with Griffy - as Daisy had so eloquently renamed the Sword of Gryffindor - before it could finish the pincer maneuver that it intended. The things were tough, but Griffy was a magic sword.

Between Harry and Ginny, one of the creatures soon lay dead and the other two had fled into the surrounding forest after taking a few injuries.

He took a moment to catch his breath, only to feel a sudden burst of heat behind him.

"Oh, daddy, look! Heliopaths!" Luna cheered.

Harry groaned.

"Marvelous!" Mr. Lovegood also cheered, followed by the 'floosh' of his camera.

oOoOoOoOo

The train shuddered to a halt and everything fell eerily silent.

"What's going on?" Harry asked, his eyes cutting to Daisy. She usually knew these things.

"Only the answer to my prayers," she said and rolled her head as she loosened up her neck. "I was worried that after the whole thing during our first year that this wouldn't happen, but the Ministry is even more incompetent than I expected. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find Dementors in the wild? They're all on an unplottable island which I can't find for obvious reasons and no one will tell me where it is because it's a 'government secret'."

"What?" he asked, even more confused by her rambling than normal.

"Unplottable. It's an enchantment that keeps a place from being mapped-"

"No, not that. What are Dementors?" The room started to feel very cold with frost creeping over the window. Ron was looking as worried as Harry was starting to feel.

"Hermione?" Ginny asked as she looked at her mentor for support. Her breath was fogging in what had been a warm room just a few moments before.

"They're basically grim reaper monsters that devour human souls," Daisy said in a tone of voice that was entirely too happy for such a statement. "The wizarding government uses them as prison guards which would be an inspired critique on the prison industrial complex, but it isn't because they're not doing it with even a hint or irony, which I thought was impossible for the British. No, they're just insane and use them to guard prisoners, one of which was Peter Petigrew up until a few months ago. They somehow managed to let him escape and now they must be convinced that he's hiding on this train. At least, that's what I assume is happening. I'm going to go beat up a few of them."

"Oh, right," Harry managed as it seemed that all of the color was draining out of the room. He wasn't feeling so good and Daisy could certainly handle herself.

"You guys just stay here. I'll lock the door behind me." She at least had the grace to look sympathetic about it as she moved toward the chilled door. "Here, chocolate might help," she offered and tossed a few bars at them from her inventory.

Then she was out the door and gone.

oOoOoOoOo

The mood at the welcoming feast was rather subdued. The Dementors hadn't eaten any students, as far as Harry could tell, but several of them had to be given calming draughts and everyone needed some hot chocolate to go with their meals.

Things were back to normal, more or less, the next morning.

"Think you're so great, Potter?" Draco Malfoy sneered as he aggressively flopped a copy of the Quibbler on the table in front of Harry. The cover image, below the headline "Heliopaths and Moore Revealed!" was a picture of Harry fighting a couple of the Umgubular Slashkilters at one point in the expedition.

Since it was a wizarding picture, it showed a short animation. Picture-him slashed Griffy through the arm of one of the creatures, severing it neatly, before he had to duck under the scything claws of the second one. He then put his wand to his neck and the air rippled as he opened his mouth and the modified Sonorous charm literally blasted the second monster apart. He rose back up and brandished Griffy at the now one-armed creature that was still standing. That's when the loop repeated.

"Ugh," Harry groaned. Why had Mr. Lovegood had to use a picture of him at all, much less on the cover? That had been more than half way through the dungeon run and he hadn't been in a particularly good mood so he certainly wasn't smiling. He looked like a complete dork, with his hair all messy, a streak of blood on his face, and his shirt all torn, too. He was working on some of the grooming charms Professor - well, former Professor - Lockhart had recommended but they had all worn off well before that point in the expedition.

Draco went to pick up the magazine and continue his rant, but a small hand shot out and stopped him. "Leave it." It was Ginny, and she had the same kind of look in her eyes that Daisy got when she was willing to kill something to get what she wanted. Harry felt a small bit of sympathy for his 'rival'.

Draco opened and closed his mouth and then slowly backed away, his magazine left behind.

Ginny slipped it into her bag with a flat expression on her face but a faint blush dusting her cheeks.

Harry gave her a small nod of sympathy, though she probably didn't notice. He was sure she intended to look through the article later to make sure there weren't any embarrassing photographs of her in there.

Spoiler: Notes

The wizarding toilet thing is canon. Well, at least, it was put on twitter by Pottermore which was sort of official. It's also moronic.

 

[NotaWriter]

Draco went to pick up the magazine and continue his rant, but a small hand shot out and stopped him. "Leave it." It was Ginny, and she had the same kind of look in her eyes that Daisy got when she was willing to kill something to get what she wanted. Harry felt a small bit of sympathy for his 'rival'.

Draco opened and closed his mouth and then slowly backed away, his magazine left behind.

Ginny slipped it into her bag with a flat expression on her face but a faint blush dusting her cheeks.

Harry gave her a small nod of sympathy, though she probably didn't notice. He was sure she intended to look through the article later to make sure there weren't any embarrassing photographs of her in there.

Click to shrink...

Sure, that's exactly what she intended.

How come Sirius hasn't made an appearance yet? Wasn't he freed in the first chapter?

 

[Swordchucks]

How come Sirius hasn't made an appearance yet? Wasn't he freed in the first chapter?

Click to shrink...

He shows up eventually but not heavily. His role is largely unnecessary because everything else shifted around to make it so.

 

[ToastyMoasty]

lmao what a weird fact haha. Did they excuse themselves and hideaway in a corner to shit their pants before vanishing or was it just poop on the spot whenever they felt like it. I mean vanish takes care of all the smell anyways haha!!

 

[andreykl]

Thank you, very nice.

Picture-him slashed Griffy through the arm of one of the creatures, severing it neatly, before he had to duck under the scything claws of the second one.

Click to shrink...

I'm very curious how Dumbledore is going to react to that one. At minimum one of his underage students (One that isn't crazy Hermione) is apparently going around fighting monsters.

Or is the whole world is going to say "That's quibber: no way that exists, it's a polijuiced someone fighting an animated transfigured dummy"?

 

[preier]

Thank you, very nice.
I'm very curious how Dumbledore is going to react to that one. At minimum one of his underage students (One that isn't crazy Hermione) is apparently going around fighting monsters.

Or is the whole world is going to say "no way that exists, it's a polijuiced someone fighting an animated transfigured dummy"?

Click to shrink...

"All according to keikaku", for a significant portion of the character as Rowling wrote it. Worry and probably try to intervene in the version she is quoted as intending to write.

 

[shakeval]

lmao what a weird fact haha. Did they excuse themselves and hideaway in a corner to shit their pants before vanishing or was it just poop on the spot whenever they felt like it. I mean vanish takes care of all the smell anyways haha!!

Click to shrink...

I always assumed they used enchanted chamber pots, like civilized people of medieval times or possibly something along the lines of what the Romans used.

 

[Skierus]

to guard prisoners, one of which was Peter Petigrew up until a few months ago. They somehow managed to let him escape

Click to shrink...

Did you mean Sirius Black?

Or did Peter already escape?