Ice Pie [SpyxFamily][Si]

[Neh-Toth-Amon]

AN: Like I said, Spy X Family is not an isekai. Anya is a 'normal' psychic little girl. But add an insert and bam! Cold war spy Youjo Senki. High five, Being X!

Click to shrink...

I still feel you took too much themes into this glorious sluch pile. Still, you do manage to make it work, even if I personally can't enjoy it in large doses (started last year and still not half through . Thanks anyway! )

 

[Nugar]

xxxxxxxxx Start Ice Pie chapter 19.


I'm nervous.

I'm nervous enough I'm actually a little sick to my stomach.

Some of that might have been supper, I admit.

Tomorrow is The Day.

The First Day of School.

Sort of. Eden Academy is so fancy the water fountains have doilies. The first day is devoted to an enormous start of school ceremony for House and class placements, sort of like the start of Harry Potter, but the parents are also there to mingle and network, so add champagne and caviar. There won't be any actual studying.

I already know my House, well, Hall, because they told me during the meeting. Cecile, administered by the Squatch, which Loid privately admitted is the most prestigious of the Houses in a way that's arguably unfair, but absolutely typical of the society. Henry Henderson is highly respected for his elegance and comportment, and has a lifetime of experience turning snot nosed, spoiled brats into the leaders of high society.

I mean, they're still spoiled in many ways, at least financially, but having some little shit think he can always get his way by whining is absolutely not done. There is a certain aversion to physical punishments, but they will absolutely work you to the bone and use all kinds of social and administrative coercions.

So. We've put a lot of work into this over the summer, and this is the culmination. As a reward, I got to have anything I wanted for supper, and, if you know me, that means crab. And since this is Europe, that means the edible brown crab, cancer pagurus, a close relative of the American jonah crab.

It's only the third time I've had edible crab, a crab so edible that's literally it's common name. The other two times I had it were also within the past two months. Crab is my favorite food of all time, but I will admit it's something of a pain in the ass to eat, especially when you're too small and too weak to easily crack the shell. Fortunately, my coin purse sized stomach filled up quickly, so one two kilogram crab, plus a prawn, all served with drawn butter and lemon, left me pretty happy.

You might think four pounds of crab would be a lot for a tiny little girl, but again, it's crab. There's not actually that much meat in there. I saved the carapace but not the claws.

Of course, then, when it came time to bed, I got to experience the stomach churn of doubt.

School sucked. I don't know anyone who actually liked school.

I've got a pretty good memory, so while I don't remember my last night before I went to school, kindergarten, for the first time, I DO remember some of the actual day.

And I clearly, clearly remember a point about three hours in, where I was like, 'This is it? I can't even go home yet until three? This sucks!'

I'm going to be so bored.

On one hand, I kind of appreciate that Ostania doesn't allow 'skipping ahead' in classes. You have to be with people your age, to learn socialization, not just the educational material. And it would partially defeat the point for me to get bumped ahead in the classes, since Damian Desmond is one of our potential inroads to our target.

On the other hand, that means I can't skip past shit like BASIC ADDITION. I'm. Going. To. Be. SO. Bored. Which was the worst thing about school in the first goddamn point, at least for me. I've always been more advanced than my grade, but this will be the first time I've been DECADES ahead.

At least this isn't the equivalent of kindergarten. This is the equivalent of the US First Grade. I'm going to be surrounded by six year olds. I find the lack of a kindergarten program especially ironic given the term's literally Germanic origin. And also, in the future, even more national effort was put towards getting children into formal education even earlier, with the Head Start program, which my late wife taught for a time. Loid said there was a kindergarten program in Westalis, but there's not one here.

No, here, parents are expected to handle their own shit until the kids are six. I suspect that's another way of keeping the plebs down, as the rich typically hire tutors for their kids to prepare them for the actual start of school, which does include various private nongovernmental kindergartens. The children of parents too busy, too broke, too stupid, or too uncaring to teach their kids basic reading and math would never make it into Eden Academy, and would forever be behind in learning.

At least homeschooling is illegal. Socialization is important, which I agree with.

Although, it does give the government more tools to stoke nationalistic fervor. It's a mixed bag.

I had a lot of worries. I needed to make friends with Damian. I needed to protect myself from the issues that being a low class commuter student would bring. I needed to figure out how to not go bugfuck insane with boredom.

Damian.

Shiiiiiiit.

Just the name itself brings a certain amount of trepidation. I mean, shit, why not just name the kid 'THIS IS THE ANTICHRIST'. I know it doesn't have that connotation here in Ostania, but still. Just the name, and situation in general, gives this the same vibe as if I was Hermione Granger with a mission to make friends with Draco fucking Malfoy so my dad could get invited to parties with his dad, because his dad is the leader of the DEATH EATERS and my dad is secretly an auror for another country that Voldemort really wants to genocide.

Fuuuuuuuu-

"FUCK!" I screamed as Loid shook me awake.

"ANYA!"

"SHIT I'M SORRY."

"ANYA!"


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Man, I have GOT to learn to watch my mouth better. Loid believed it was a consequence of my thus far 'low class upbringing' but cautioned me that I really needed to get better at not using profanity.

Which, you know, fair. I DID have a low class upbringing, it was just, you know, like four decades ago. And I did need to get better at not using profanity.

I'm embarrassed. It's been a long time since I woke up with a screamed curse.

It used to be every day, especially towards the end of my last life. Pain, sickness, getting up early in the morning to go to work: I had a lot of reasons to dread the day. That sort of turned into waking up with a curse. And I don't mean wake up, think about it, then curse, I mean literally wake up BECAUSE you're screaming it because your body is telling you it's time to wake up.

I've got a very good internal clock. I pretty much always know what time it is, so waking up before the alarm goes off has been a longstanding curse of mine. Inherited it from my dad, who never even used one unless actual minutes matter.

I was somewhat startled by the fact that it was so late in the morning. Apparently, my adoptive parents had decided to let me sleep past the usual morning exercises.

Since the first day was primarily a day of ceremony, we didn't actually need to be there until ten, so I would actually have been fine to exercise and then take a nap like usual, but whatever.


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"Good morning, Housemaster Henderson. You called for us?" Verena Kalckreuth reported politely. She was a slender, beautiful young woman, fourteen, with blonde hair pulled back in a lively, bouncing ponytail, with two bangs framing her face. She wore a short black dress bordered in gold, with white stockings, which was the uniform of Eden Academy. She was also wearing a crimson edged black half-cape, marking her further as a member of the Imperial Scholars.

Beside her, her friend and rival, Jutte Tassis, also greeted the housemaster. Blonde like her friend and dressed the same, Jutte had straight hair parted in front, a shade or two darker than Verena. She was slightly taller and slightly more filled out, but still approximately the same age.

They weren't in the man's office. Instead, they were in a meeting room in the arts building.

For the older students of Eden, the start of school was less ceremonial, and started at the usual time. They had actually been summoned out of their first class for the meeting, which, at least for Scholars, not uncommon. Imperial Scholars had the kind of privileges and prestige school councils did in anime.

"Good morning to you both," he greeted elegantly. "It's good to see you back. I trust you had an elegant summer?"

They exchanged various niceties until they could get down to the point.

"I called you here because I have a request, as a challenge. This is entirely optional and I must stress that there is no shame in turning me down, you are merely the first two I thought of who would be most appropriate for the task. Also, in truth, only one of you would be required, so it would be up to you to choose who would accept."

Meaning, only one of them would be officially appointed. However, where one went, the other generally followed. They were a beautifully elegant pair of friends and rivals, a rare example of one class producing two Imperial Scholars. Most classes didn't even produce one, as the requirements to get in were stringent, and the limited resource, the coveted Stella Star, was hard fought over. But where Verena tended to edge out her friend academically, Jutte was generally more physically gifted, and won most athletic challenges in her age category. That's not to say Jutte never had the best academic score, and likewise, Verena was a splendid athlete. No, both were exceptional in all categories, leading to the pair of them being inducted simultaneously after years of rivalry and struggle.

What they didn't know, but highly suspected, was that they had been carefully placed against each other, each given the opportunity to gain an award so that neither would fall behind, culminating in a gymnastic event on the same day as a test, meaning neither gained seniority on the other. Though the idea of allowing someone unworthy to be an Imperial Scholar was anathema, the process itself was subject to no small amount of meddling to cultivate an elegantly competitive spirit in the students. If one of them had faltered in the process, the other would have surged ahead. But so long as both excelled, neither would gain even the perception of advantage from anything as pedestrian as scheduling.

They had been Scholars for four and a half years now, and, while not yet at the summit of that lofty club, they were exemplars. Gaining enough merits in three and a half years was well above average, if the word could even be used for such students, especially given the fierceness of the competition. It usually took five and a half to six, though, technically speaking, it could be done in as little as two, without the addition of challenges. First and second year students typically did not manage to compete in the various extra events Eden offered, from art and science competitions, to various other athletic events such as gymnastics or fencing. While they weren't forbidden from joining, the youngest age category was First through Third, and the Third year students invariably dominated.

The only Stellas First and Second year students typically earned were the ones for top academic score per house, across all subjects and classes, of the semester, and top track and field performances for the year, per house. Track and field, counting running, jumping, and throwing holistically, was the only athletic event for the first three years, due to a sheer lack of students interested and qualified for more elaborate athletics such as fencing or ballet. There were also a once per year award for best student, per grade, across all houses, of the year, which also included an essay contest and a speech. In order to earn the requisite eight Stellas, a student would need to get the top academic score of their house in both semesters, win the yearly track and field event, and win the top student award for their grade, in both years.

Unless they earned additional Stellas for challenges or exceptional merit. Exceptional merit was things such as saving a life, or winning a national art contest, or being chosen to sing at a national event. Generally speaking, it was events that were not planned by the school and inherently unpredictable. Challenges were bonus things set up by the school, and the award for acing the entrance exam was the only one limited to the youngest. Most years, it went unclaimed.

There were many reasons the Stella award program was set up that way, but ultimately, the goal was to keep the youngest, least experienced, most childish, least couth students from bothering the elite Imperial Scholars.

Enter one Anya Forger, wunderkind. Even if she had all the athletic ability of a potato, and even without the addition of exceptional merit, she was going to win all the academic challenges which usually went to Third years. It was entirely possible, even likely, for her to get her eighth Stella at the end of her first year. More likely, she'd be up to ten.

Because the competition for Stellas didn't stop just because someone made it into the Imperial Scholars. There was a reason the elite club currently had only twenty eight members out of a school of 2543 students. The same students who won enough Stellas to get into the program tended to keep winning them.

The problem with Anya becoming an Imperial Scholar at the start of her second year was that the girl had no idea how to act. Her family, while respectable, was not an ancient member of the adel, the nobility. She would face discrimination on that alone. But more to the point, she was simply young. She hadn't had time, nor the correct teachers. She needed guidance, preferably from an older, but still young, lady. Comportment and etiquette lessons so that she could fit in with the elite of the elite without embarrassing herself, or inconveniencing them.

Because Anya was going to get in, and much faster than most of those before her. Because achievements such as the Fairy Stump, original songs, and potentially even economically significant inventions must be recognized as the exceptional merit they are.

"I'm out!" Jutte exclaimed.

"Jutte!" Verena chastised her friend.

"Listen, I have a little sister. She's Second year, and she's a brat."

Young miss Freya was not a brat. She was, however, rather bold, and the usual sibling pressures applied.

"You get along with kids, and you always wanted a little sister, you do it," Jutte continued. "I'll bring Freya around sometimes, it'll be great."

"You just want to leave me with both of them," Verena accused, which was probably true.

"Oh, don't give me that. Freya loves you, and you know it."

"Fine." Verena threw up her hands at her friend. "Fine. Because, you know what? Both of them should learn from me. I'm far more elegant than you, anyway! And smarter, too!"

"So long as it gets me out of babysitting duty. I get enough of that at home!"

Verena turned back to their Housemaster and, as if the previous exchange had never happened, was the very model of a perfect young lady. "Challenge accepted, Housemaster Henderson. I'd be honored to show this budding young scholar how to be a proper lady," she announced, graciously implying that Jutte wasn't. She had to break composure to fend off her friend's elbow.

"I'm sure you'll do wonderfully," he agreed genially. The both of them would. Because where one went, the other would be there, elbowing the other and attempting to get in front.

What an elegant young friendship.


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xxxxxxxxx 19.5


Eden Academy students wore uniforms. I'd never been to a school that had a uniform before. On one hand, at least the way uniforms are supposed to work for general schools, is that it removes the divide from the rich and the poor, since everyone is in the same clothes. Practically speaking, it really doesn't, because the rich are always gonna be rich. At Eden, though, where pretty much everyone is upper class, it seems more about nationalism.

Eden is like Oxford, primary school edition. If you don't get an education from Eden, you're not likely to get into the truly high echelons of power. Ostania has a couple of different universities and colleges, though the University of Berlint is Eden's counterpoint, with many of the universities students coming from Eden.

So what I'm saying is, during the exams and interview process, there was a certain amount of riff-raff. Off the shelf suits instead of bespoke, kids whining and crying, the occasional spill or stain.

But now elegance reigned once again.

I instinctually hated it.

But it was kind of neat.

Loid was already an elegant, handsome sort of guy. Yor was beautiful and chic, and absolutely did not lose out in appearance in the crowd.

Me? I was just a short strawberry blonde kid trying to keep her brain from melting and running out her ears. There were a lot of people.

Actually, it really wasn't that bad. It wasn't like the entrance exam, or big public crowds. There was a restraint, a kind of lowered volume to these people's thoughts that I actually appreciated.

But it was a little overwhelming. The people oozed wealth and privilege.

Also of note, while I was shorter than the sample of kids I got near, I wasn't actually that much shorter. A few centimeters here, maybe a single centimeter there, on the lower end of the curve but still on the curve, if you know what I mean. I might not be as young as I originally thought I was.

I'd been going on my memories of the changing seasons, since I didn't have good recall of my youngest days. But while I didn't have good recall, I did HAVE recall of the lab and the asshole researchers and the woman I think was my birth mother, or at least primary caretaker. I'd assumed that, with the isekai transmigrated soul thing, that I remembered everything from, if not actual birth, certainly at least the first year. But if I really am five, or even older, that means I've missed some stuff.

And you know, that's also a relief. I was worried this was gonna be a Bean situation out of one of Orson Scott Card's books. Being tiny sucks. Being small sucks, but it's better than tiny.

We had just joined the throng of parents and tiny tots headed for the auditorium when we were stopped by a pair of teenage girls. One had a long, flowing platinum blonde ponytail, and bright green eyes. I mentally nicknamed her 'Teenage Dreamgirl'. The other had wavy, honey blonde hair with some drillbit tresses framing her face, with beautiful blue eyes. I gave her the mental nickname of 'Otome Princess'. Both were impossibly lovely, athletic and sharp and not just wearing the Eden Academy uniform, but also that pretty spiffy half-cape that marked them as Imperial Scholars.

Then they completely ruined the hard work I had put in giving them funny mental nicknames by actually introducing themselves.

Verena Kalckreuth and Jutte Tassis. Ninth graders, who introduced themselves to the three of us rather graciously. Then Verena took charge.

"I'm here at the request of Housemaster Henderson. Anya's performance so far gives every indication that she will be joining us in the Imperial Scholars earlier than most students manage, so I'm to be her mentor in the ways of Eden Academy and the Scholars program."

"That's great!" I exclaimed. "I've always wanted a mentor, someone to explain the things the adults have long forgotten, but that I need to know to fit in. The Imperial Scholars are the best, of the best, of the best, correct? I certainly wouldn't want to annoy them by being crass, or a boor. I need to know the proper customs and manners in addition to the knowledge itself." I gushed.

Seriously, a mentor? Or, 'mentors' in this case, because I think this is one of those friendship situations where where you have one, you get the other. That's fucking perfect. I do not currently have anywhere near the manners and behavior needed to fit in with that august collective, but a mentor can teach me more easily than an adult. This was fucking awesome and I love the Sasquatch for it.

Verena and Jutte exchanged meaningful glances.

"Well, yes," Jutte replied. "That's it, exactly. Most children your age are… well, childish. The Imperial Scholars program tends to collect the intensely studious and driven. Most of them don't care for childish rambling and antics." 'Like my annoying little sister,' she thought. 'But maybe this one won't be so bad. Maybe I was hasty in pushing Verena in front of me. Some of this little genius's accomplishments are going to reflect back on Verena, and she's going to get an edge on me in respect. Strategic error!'

"And you're both so beautiful and amazing! And that half-cape is just the most stylish thing I can imagine! I can't wait to grow up and be just like you two!"

"I'm glad to see you picked up on the idea so quickly," Verena said happily. "While we won't see each other every day, I'm going to be given some time that coincides with your advanced studies tutoring separate from the main body of your class, and I'll help you go over things. Since you apparently have no trouble with the normal learning, we probably will focus mostly on comportment and manners, at least to start. This will help me, because my goal is to one day be a tenured professor at a University of decent repute, which will allow me to do original research. You could certainly pick a worse mentor than," there was the faintest, tiniest bit of hesitation, "us."

A bit of self-aggrandizement, but I think it was really going to be a compliment for her friend that she backed out of at the last second. I think they were starting to believe the hype around my intelligence now. It's important to make a good impression. I'd tone the fawning down from now on, though.

"What field of study?" I asked seriously. "Father here is a clinical psychologist. Mother is in the government. I have a lot of interests, but mostly I'm leaning towards engineering, probably electrical engineering, or the new field of digital computing."

"I want to go into medicine. Possibly oncology. Oncology is the study-"

"Of cancers of the body. I know. I've read Father's medical books. I'd love to talk to you about it. I'm interested in medicine, too." I actually had. Why not, you know? They were there. And I had majored in biology in my first life, with later studies in premed and nursing.

"Oh, wonderful." She clapped her hands together. "So, we don't have much time right now, but we wanted to meet you, and meet your parents, so they'd know who else is having a hand in educating you." She turned to Loid and Yor, and finished up the fast introduction by exchanging phone numbers and addresses.

Sweet! An excellent start to my Eden experience.


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We settled down into assigned seats in the auditorium. In a place as focused on societal rank as Eden Academy, seating was as political as everything else. The richest, the most powerful, and THOSE WHO DID BEST ON THE ENTRANCE EXAM were down at the front.

Just our seating position had others looking at us, wondering who we were, because clearly we were Somebodies. The other Somebodies were looking at us with curiosity or confusion, because they generally knew all the other Somebodies. The people higher up in the stands were either looking at us with confusion, for the same reason, or envy, because they wanted to be where we were, or also, commonly enough, jealousy. They had worked hard for a long time to climb the social ranks of Ostania, and who the hell were we to sit where they deserved to sit?!

I enjoyed their bitter little thoughts. Then flinched a little as no few of them were attracted to the vision of beauty that is Yor, or the lean handsomeness of Loid.

Or both.

From both men and women. In public, homosexuality is still very much taboo, though Loid did admit they had finally stopped doing things like chemical castration, shock therapy, or fucking lobotomy. But in their private thoughts… ohhhh the Kinsey scale still applies.

One guy actually got a little hot under the collar staring at both Yor and Loid, mentally said, 'Oh, what a good looking gentleman! I'd love to get to know him. …Professionally. I'm not gay. I'm not gay, dammit!'

As the withered piece of jerky that was the Headmaster of the entire school nattered on and on about how we were the chosen few, the best of the best, who would be refined and educated and become the leaders of the world of the future, I focused more on the thoughts of my father beside me.

Apparently, the day before, he'd gone and met with his handler, one of the few people from Westalis to actually know any details about him. He even pictured her in his mind, and was mentally going over a review of his orders she had with him during the visit.

'In short, your orders are to develop that child into an Imperial Scholar,' he remembered her saying. 'As if that's going to be an issue. Somehow I lucked into finding a diamond in the rough, a true prodigy that doesn't just absorb information like a sponge, but also thinks logically and creatively in ways the vast majority of adults can't match. Honestly, even if the goal of getting close to Donovan Desmon somehow fails, so long as Anya gets a good education and grows up willing to work for peace with Westalis, the overall mission goal will succeed. She's going to be a leader, and I hope my handler can realize that. Even with all the reports I've given her, and point blank trying to explain, I don't think she understands. No one ever seems to, until they meet her. Until they talk with her, and see what she does. I think I need to invite her over to meet Anya. Perhaps as a relative, so Yor doesn't get jealous.'

I briefly caught his eye, and smiled at him. He smiled back, and gave me a pat on the head.

…I'm not a particular fan of headpats. They feel condescending. But Loid has headpat privileges, so I allowed it.

'Such a smart girl. And pleasant, too. Not too needy. Actually, a little too confident, given she sometimes bites off more than she can chew. But I shouldn't stop her, because how can we find our limits, and surpass them, if we don't try? Not that she has confidence issues. If I didn't know that she actually read the dictionary for fun, I'd say she didn't know the meaning of doubt. Imagine deciding that the people who adopted you were no good for you and running away, turning yourself in to the next orphanage you found by looking it up in a phone book. That would be a daunting, nerve wracking decision as a teenager!

'Most kids are just conditioned to obey adults, even when it's a detriment to your health. Most people would have just accepted it. She ran away at the age of FOUR. And again at five, though I suppose it gets easier when you've done it before. Frankly, the only real question in raising her is, do I send some of her genius invention ideas back to Westalis, for the good of the nation? Or do I let her keep them here, building up her power and reputation in Ostania, but inadvertently strengthening the country which is such a threat? I think I need to treat it on a case by case basis. Her idea for radar absorbing materials for military planes echoes things that I know are already being tried on a theoretical basis. And then she came up with the knowledge from somewhere that radar signals can travel along the surface of an airplane, and, as far as I know, the completely original thought that using radar absorbent materials, or perhaps materials angled in certain ways, could reduce the signal return strength. And that they should use digital computers to calculate the angles. Yes, secret research agencies were starting to use computers to calculate things like aircraft design, but there's no way she could know that. Some of the brightest engineers around the world had been tasked by their respective governments to look at things like that, always seeking an edge over their peers and rivals. A six year old girl was not supposed to be capable of imagining such things! Frankly, I don't want Ostania to know some of Anya's thoughts. I'm not even sure Westalis is noble hearted enough to entrust with some of her ideas. Actually- Oh, who's this?'

One of the teachers had approached us, one of the ones who had been there for my Fairy Stump demonstration, mister Multipass himself, Korbim Dalhaus, walking the short distance from their section behind the stage to approach us.

"Are you ready, Anya Forger? Please come with me, it's almost time for your speech. I'm sure you've prepared something wonderful."

OH SHI-

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AN: Ah, what a year. What a terrible year. Rough on my body, rough on my mind.

On the bright side, I recently got a letter from the government saying that they agree that I AM medically disabled! They're still deliberating on the 'nonmedical requirements', but the finding of being medically disabled is the big hurdle. Often enough, people have to pay for a lawyer. But it looks like they're going to, eventually, put me on disability without the hassle of getting a lawyer. It could even happen as soon as January!

It probably won't, but it could. This partially makes up for the fact that shitty ass government workers couldn't be assed to actually send the extra paperwork I emailed them to my caseworker, and my foodstamps renewal got denied. They're actually supposedly trying to track that particular paper trail, because that was just the most egregious example of not doing their basic fucking jobs. I'm still mad. And right went Christmas season food expenditures spiked, to boot.

Anyway, my mind is working a bit better lately. Still stuck on TBB, but I had some late night inspiration for Ice Pie (still hate that title, got NO ideas for a better one) and was able to finish up a chapter for Christmas, and a chapter for New Years. Chapter 20 IS available on my Patreon, right now.

But don't join my patreon and count on a lot of production. A lot of things in my head still haven't recovered from the strokes, and my writing rate is shiiiiit. But if you want to support, every bit helps. I've just got to make it until they start giving me disability payments, assuming our upcoming government officials don't cancel the entire goddamn program out of spite. When I do go on disability, I will be pausing payments on Patreon, but continuing to give all my supporters advanced looks, sneak peaks, and suchlike. Thanks for everything, my dudes..

Nugar | creating Original Fantasy and/or Scifi, and occasional fan proje | Patreon

Also, as requested by people who justifiably hate Patreon, I have a Ko-Fi now.

Support Nugar writes on Ko-fi! . ko-fi.com/nugar

 

[Nehef]

It's back! YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

 

[Nugar]

It's back! YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Click to shrink...

For a bit, yes. I'm stuck on a particularly difficult conversation in Then Be Batman, so I came back to Ice Pie, following the wisdom of Sun Tzu. When power avoids you, a lateral move can draw power back in. In this case, stuck on Batman, move to SpyxFamily.

As a totally other note, did you know the best way to pronounce that isn't 'Spy Ecks Family', it's just Spy Family. It's similar to Hunter x Hunter. The 'X' is silent, and is just there as a separator. Saw that in a quote from an interview the other day.

 

[Iseeyou]

As a totally other note, did you know the best way to pronounce that isn't 'Spy Ecks Family', it's just Spy Family. It's similar to Hunter x Hunter. The 'X' is silent, and is just there as a separator. Saw that in a quote from an interview the other day.

Click to shrink...

And I will continue to pronounce it Spy ekcs family just to annoy the puritans lol

 

[Nugar]

So long as you don't say jif.

 

[raisins]

"Spy Cross Family" they're matrices obviously
"Spy Strike Family" negation?
"Spy Saltire Family" St. Andrew is definitely involved
"Spy Strait Edge Family" too cool for booze'

EDIT: Personally, I like /ɡaɪf/ ( guy+f ). Or if you're feeling it, the old english "gif" is pronounced /jif/ ( yeef ).

 

[zecorezecron]

I prefer "Spy By Family", like the way you say 2X4.

 

[Lesbean]

Woooooooooooo updates

 

[Dradel]

I can picture Loid's handler when she finally meets Anya sweating at the idea of a timeline where Loid didn't adopt her for the mission and she singlehandedly changed the course of the war for Ostania with revolutionary inventions she has no rights to conceive in her 5 years old noggin.

 

[macdjord]

"Are you ready, Anya Forger? Please come with me, it's almost time for your speech. I'm sure you've prepared something wonderful."

OH SHI-

Click to shrink...

OH SHI- indeed. Someone dropped - or more likely deliberately fumbled - a vital message, it seems.

 

[Ajlove]

Thank you for the chapter!

 

[KAZUY4]

THE GOAT IS BACK

 

[Nugar]

There is a particular feeling I get whenever really bad things happen, which has unfortunately happened more than a few times in my life. As a comparatively mild case, I once dropped a gun I was hanging on the wall, and it smashed a box decorated in shells that I got from my Daddy when he died. A physically more painful moment, when I broke my hand. Even worse, the moment I learned my Dad had died. The worst so far was the moment I checked on my wife after a crash, and I realized that she was dead. That realization that something irreversible has happened, that I've lost something precious, that something terrible and painful was going to happen and there was not a god damned thing I could do about it.

I've heard a lot of descriptions, but the one that most applies to me is 'that sinking feeling'. Where the bottom drops out from underneath you, particularly your stomach, and you feel nauseous.

If I'd really been a little girl, I mean, not to specifically disparage the coping skills of little girls, so let me amend that to 'If I had really been young, like the first go around,' I would have had an even worse time of it. But, I've always been able to push through. To just accept the fear and pain of the now, and keep functioning, if on autopilot, unable to truly think. I can swallow things I find disgusting. I can work through short, intense pain. In short, I have learned through experience and philosophy, to cope, and do what I have to do.

But it still hurts. Oh god, I hate that feeling so much. It's just the worst thing in the world.

Fortunately, I don't have a particular fear of public speaking. I know a lot of people do. Hell, my poor Dad, when asked to say a few words at my brother's wedding, froze up. And this was all family! People he knew personally, and well. Actual close family, not like, extended big family you only see once in a while. But in that moment, he saw us all as 'other'. A crowd of strangers, judging him.

That was kind of my inspiration, really. To mentally flip that switch. This ISN'T a crowd of judgy strangers. No, these are all my close personal friends. We're just shooting the shit, this isn't about serious matters. I'm just contributing to the group conversation, not dictating to everyone else.

…There are drawbacks to that approach, I've found. When stressed, I somehow find the need to turn into the funniest motherfucker in the room. And it's often terribly, terribly, unspeakably inappropriate. I mean, you should have heard the joke I told in the hospital room while having glass picked out of my face, when the doctor came in to tell me my wife had died. (I already knew. I knew as soon as I checked her in the car.) Heh, you should have seen the look on that poor man's face. But humor is how I cope. I didn't really mean to disrespect her passing. I loved my wife. But a joke sprang to mind, and I said it to cope.

So I've got like, maybe five minutes left, and the only goddamn thing on my mind is 'don't joke, don't be inappropriate, don't, just fucking don't'.

Korbim Dalhaus gives me a comforting pat on the shoulder, then asks me where my notes are.

Interesting data point. He thought I was informed ahead of time. I will need to investigate somehow.

"I've got a good memory," I assured him, while being close to panic on the inside.

Man, if I'd known about this ahead of time, between me, Papa, Franky, and whatever resources Papa had, I'd have a great speech prepared and only be slightly anxious about having to stand up there in public.

I've got fucking NOTHING.

I.

Am going.

To Lose my shi-

No wait! Anya you stupid bitch! You've got what you need! Saint Bonifact! Patron Saint of Ostania! And Westalis, too, though they don't like to admit that. I just need one of his sermons, and maybe something I read about him. A little razzle, a little dazzle, a little religiosity, and I'm a golden child!

Oh, but shit, shit shit. One of the things that immediately sprung to mind was likening Eden Academy to the Garden of Knowledge, and eating of the fruit of Knowledge. Generally speaking, that was seen as a bad thing by Christians. I consider it good. Dare I risk rocking the boat, religiously speaking?

Oh, but there was that one piece I read about Saint Bonifact. Hints at parental disobedience, but ultimately describes it as a good thing. I am supposed to be daring. As much as I want everyone to like me-

And Headmaster Goodfellow is wrapping it up! I am out of time!

Oh god, oh god.

"And now we come to the most exciting part of this august event! The announcement of this year's new students, and their induction into the Houses of Eden Academy! However, for the first time in exactly two decades, we have the honor of hosting a deviation in the usual alphabetical order. This year, we were fortunate to bear witness to an extremely rare event! A wunderkind was found, a budding young genius actually who aced the entrance exam! Every question was answered correctly!" he boomed happily.

The crowd stirred, some no longer looking at me with curiosity, but dawning realization.

And expectation. I'm gonna look like a pretty lame duck if I whiff this.

Oh, as a very quick mental thought, the Headmaster answered a question I'd had lurking in the back of my mind. Yes, the questions on the entrance exam WERE available to the most powerful, wealthy, and connected families, so that their otherwise marginal children would have a better chance at getting in. But it apparently wasn't the actual exam, just questions very, very similar. So even if your kid had relentlessly studied the 'exam' ahead of time, they still had to think for themselves, because it wasn't a perfect copy. It was really just a very, very well put together study sheet, so the leaders of Eden Academy could continue the pretense that the entrance exam wasn't corrupt.

Neat.

That little bit actually helped quell my rising gorge.

"It is my pleasure and my honor to introduce the world to Anya Forger, our brightest new star! As per our rules involving the award of Stellas, any new student that successfully answers every question on the entrance exam is given one Stella to start their school experience! As befitting someone of her gifts, she is already on track to join our much vaunted Imperial Scholars program. We can't wait to see what she has to show us. We have one of her art projects available to see at the after party, as well. And she has graciously agreed to give a short speech."

He really thought that. There was no 'hahah, we've sprung a trap on her'. He genuinely thought I had all the time I needed to prepare a speech, and also that I had agreed to exhibit my Fairy Stump at the after mingle. And something about the music teacher? Oh, boy.

And here it was. He stepped back, and reflexively, I stepped forward, ready to spontaneously combust under the weight of so many eyes on my totally unprepared little ass.

…I couldn't see over the podium.

They had a step stool ready. I stood on it.

…I still couldn't see over the podium, though the top of my pink hair should just about be visible.

I wasn't embarrassed or anything. Mostly, I was just slightly baffled. I was above average height in my first life, and even after five or six years here, I still sometimes forget how tiny I am, even while bitching about being tiny. The actual mechanical puzzle of getting enough height to see the crowd took over my mind, and I lost even more tension.

They had to bring in an entire chair, a smallish box, and the step stool, and stack them all precariously, for me to stand on and have my upper body be visible over that huge gilt mahogany podium.

I still had to aim the microphone down a bit, and I took a moment to clear my throat, off-mic.

-a sudden urge to do the Aqua Teen Hunger Force skit 'check on the mic' ran through me. I allowed it to flow over me and through me, and only I remained. Instead-

"And if I have seen further," I said loudly and clearly, but also rather sardonically, "It is because I have stood on the shoulders of giants." I paused. "And a few boxes." There were a few startled chuckles, mostly from the teachers and literary types. I theatrically looked over the side, making it clear that I needed to grab the sides of the podium with a firm grip due to the wobbliness of the makeshift jenga tower I stood on. "Hopefully I don't fall. All it took was an apple for Ichabod Newsom to think about gravity. The only thing I fear I will discover from a tumble is the location of the nearest clinic."

That got a much wider collection of chuckles, and drew in the less intellectual sorts.

I cleared my throat again. Wish I had some water. I had dry mouth bad.

"I have been an avid reader, excited by learning, and dreaming of coming here, to Eden Academy, which is quite possibly the greatest center of learning for those of us just getting started, certainly here in Europe, and quite possibly the entire world! But even with the help of family and friends, I wasn't truly giving it all I could." Another of his quotes sprang to mind, which I literally voiced. "And that brings to mind another of Newsom's quotes, if you forgive me for paraphrasing slightly."

"'I seem to have been only as a girl playing on the seashore, and diverting myself in now and then finding a smoother pebble or a prettier shell than ordinary, while the great ocean of truth lay all undiscovered before me.'" I made sure to make eye contact with the audience. "Eden Academy teaches more than just the superficial, for the educators know that we must put in the work! We have much to learn about the world around us, and while not all of it will be fun or pleasant to work at, compared to those beautiful shells laying in the sands, it is only through hard work, akin to overturning an immense rock, that we might discover new, unseen discoveries beneath it. And so I greet you, future housemates, classmates, and schoolmates. We have a difficult task before us! But we have the greatest assistance we could possibly want: the storied educators here at Eden Academy! For we are the future of Ostania, and the world itself! We are scions, sons and daughters of the greatest the country has produced, and it is our birthright, but also our sacred duty, to grow up not just like our parents, but better! To drive knowledge further! New technology, new knowledge, new songs, new paintings and sculptures, faster lap times in track and field!"

I had to pause, and fortunately, one of the teachers had noticed my difficulty swallowing and handed me a small glass of water, which I took gratefully. It gave me a fast second to organize my thoughts, and switch tracks, because I needed to bring up Bonifact, then end it. Some of the teachers were already concerned about how long I had gone on. Apparently, no one had actually expected more than a 'Hi, I'm excited to meet you all, lets learn together.' More fool I, not understanding what people expect of me.

"Fellow new students of Eden Academy," I attempted to boom authoritatively. "How often have you heard 'Where are you?' by your parents?" I waited a brief second, and amazingly actually got a few nods. Most had turned me out, because, you know, six year olds. "And when they called out that question, did they sound curious? Or did they sound afraid, or worried? They ask us where we are, because there are dangers in the world, and they wish to reassure themselves that we are safe, because we are young, and unable to take care of ourselves.

"But now they have to give up on knowing where we are at all times, because we must leave them and come to school. Have some sympathy for your parents during this time, because they love you, but parents, you must take heart. Take our sacred Ostania saint, Saint Bonifact! His parents loved him, and wanted him to be safe! Becoming a priest and a monk was not as safe back then, when things were less civilized, and the works of Evil menaced the good people. His father wrote to him, begging him to take a safer career. And his parents were right to be worried! For Saint Bonifact was martyred by evil men!"

A nice little 'unalived' euphemism there to not upset the sensitive. Who knew internet algorithm forced doublespeak could come in handy?

"To some, that might be seen as proof that his parents were right, that the holy man should have picked a different career, or at least sought safer postings. But that would ignore the good he did! Saint Bonifact brought glory to God! He brought Christianity, and learning, and civilization to many ignorant, heathen people! And while his Earthly reward seems hardly befitting a man of such character, his reward was Heavenly! And it was his due, for the sacrifices he made, and the work he did, bringing civilization to the masses! And so we have a calling, fortunately in vastly safer conditions than the Ostania of yore!"

Of yore. Of Yor. Lol.

"We are here to learn, so that later we may serve! As leaders, as thinkers, and more, for the honor of our parents, the advancement of Ostania, and the good of the world itself! I will now conclude by reciting a brief sermon by Saint Bonifact himself."

And it was brief. Three more sentences worth, because I could 'hear' some of the teachers behind me thinking that they appreciated my speech, but that I had gone on a little long.

I did just about topple off the jenga stack when I let go of the podium and turned to be let down. Fortunately, the Headmaster caught me, and set me down gently. My knees nearly buckled then, as well. The after-shock of stress was hitting me hard. But I was super relieved. It was a nice speech for being off the cuff. Given the low bar I had as a tiny little girl, hopefully it was good enough.

Actually, several of the teachers thought it was surprisingly fiery, and they and various other adults were in awe, a kind of 'so this is what someone who could ace the entrance exam is like!' sort of vibe and thought. Walter Evans, the one who had originally asked me about Saint Bonifact, absolutely loved it. Henry Henderson mostly thought that I had a little too much fire, and needed more elegance and refinement, but I honored the parents, the school, and the saint, so it would do for a start.

Not one of them had any thoughts of anything like 'drat, she managed to come up with a speech despite my sabotage, how'.

And I was just about spent. God the stress. And fortunately, I was able to end the speech without resorting to the Garden of Eden, eating the Fruit of Knowledge analogy that might have been divisive among the more religious people. I want to keep being nicely uncontroversial in view, merely exceptional in result.

"Thank you for that lovely speech, Miss Forger!" the Headmaster bellowed once more. "We very much look forward to what you have to show us in the future. And thus, we start the sorting, with our first student! Anya Forger will be under the guidance of our esteemed and elegant Housemaster, Henry Henderson, as a new member of Cecile Hall!"

I already knew that, but I stood proud as people looked at me. Then I had to walk proudly, and as elegantly as my shaking legs could, over to my assigned seat for the house groupings.

My god in heaven, I needed to pee. Or maybe throw up.

And we had about thirty more minutes of student sorting.

Reminds me of my first day of kindergarten in my first life, a core memory I can still access. A couple hours into the day, I looked at the clock and thought, 'I've got to stay till three o'clock? AwwIdunwanna.'

I managed to greet Damian Desmond as he was sorted in right behind me.

'Hmph. They should have called my name first. I'm way more important. I've never even heard of a 'Forger',' he mentally grumped.

'Oh no,' I thought. 'He's a shithead.'






x
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AN: Glad to still be writing. Still not as fast as I would like, but at least its something. It's true, I've never really had particular trouble with public speaking. The way I handled it for this chapter was I just wrote the speech as fast as I could, with minimal editing. Thus there are some fairly awkward bits and bad phrasing, but it's being judged as if it came from a little girl, so standards are lower. That being said, I would probably just about pee my panties if I was blindsided by a sudden speech request.

Again, advanced chapters are available on my patreon. The next chapter is actually a flashback chapter, Loid's POV, set just before the Entrance and sorting event we're currently in.

Nugar | creating Original Fantasy and/or Scifi, and occasional fan proje | Patreon

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[MorbiIIionaire]

I wonder if this Anya will be as dense as the other lol. Great chapter! Cant wait for more!

 

[macdjord]

Go psychic loli go!

 

[sicksock]

"Say hello Anya."
*rizzes up entire assembly*

 

[Arkon]

'Oh no,' I thought. 'He's a shithead.'

Click to shrink...

Now I can't stop imagining the SI meeting the original Anya.

 

[MudkipSage]

I thought it was a pretty good speech.

Not sure if he will be more or less annoying if he gets a crush again

Edit:
If they find out she had no parental help writing it, and it was her 'first speech ever' it would probably wow them further.
Doubly so if they find out she didn't catch/remember she was supposed to write one and had to do it on the spot.

 

[NihilSupernum]

Good speech. What preceded it was an even better piece of prose. Very descriptive and evocative.

 

[Orcinus]

I imagine Loid will be confused that she had a seemingly planned-out speech but didn't plan it at all. It would take even him some effort to do something like that.

 

[Albert Scoot]

Well it'll be easy for her parents to explain how she learned to make that speech, they honestly have no idea.