justinkal
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So she's a typical shounen protagonist
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So she's a typical shounen protagonist
A bit worse. A Shonen protag will realize that it looks like a date but not that the girl wants that. Yulia isn't even aware it looks like a date in the first place. This only makes her actions worse.
*flashes back to Goku thinking that a wedding was a type of food*A bit worse. A Shonen protag will realize that it looks like a date but not that the girl wants that. Yulia isn't even aware it looks like a date in the first place. This only makes her actions worse.
I won't point out other instances, because there's a lot of them.
Change "being powerless what feelings" to "being powerless, the feelings".The realization of being powerless what feelings it provoked in her were new to Yulia.
Something is missing between "It" and "only" at the start of this sentence.It only the restless nightmare filled night when the
idea had truly started sinking in.
Add the word "of" between "sparks" and "interest".a hollow feeling with only small sparks interest to drive her forward.
crouchDropping from the air just behind the two a figure rose from it's croach arms spread wide behind the two other members and moved to grab both.
Delete either "held out" or "handed over".
Remove the capitalization."This One had thought you
three would be back to taking missions in a day at the most, not moping about at failing
a test, That she did not!"
Add a comma between "glaring girl and" Kagehoshi", change the red word to a comma, and add a comma between "several papers" and "and handed".Ignoring the glaring girl Kagehoshi reached into her pouch and pulled out several
papers and handed them out to the girls present.
Add the word "the" between "and" and "few".They'd only met less than a month
ago, and few hours together they spent in each other's company was mostly focused
on exterminating
Move the comma so that it's after "Arya" instead of after "who".
friends for the ninja to just swoop inYulia didn't have enough friends to just ninja swoop in and start carrying them off.
Change "And seeing her two" to either "Seeing her two" or "Then, seeing her two".And seeing her two less intelligent
teammates sign themselves over to the supremely annoying ninja girl Arya reluctantly
signed the form as well,
Change "Meet" to lowercase.
Add the word "at" between "Arriving" and "the" and add a comma between "entrance" and "the".Arriving the dissonantly humble entrance the newly dubbed team
"B-rank" should be either "B-ranks" or "B-rank Ministra".B-rank, such as this one, can have
one set up on permanent reserve.
Add a comma after "individually" and another after "alone".While the creature was stronger than
you individually each of you should have been able to defeat it alone let alone as a
group.
Change "to" to "too".
Change the semicolon to a colon."As This One's sensei told her, a Shinobi, or in this case a Ministra, must be; Flexible to
adapt to the unexpected, Attentive to spot the answers you seek, Skilled to face any
enemy, and Thorough to prevent complacency from taking root."
Delete the red word.she just gave me this offended look and said she wasn't a
that kind of villain.
Change both instances of "breath" to "breathe"."Breath in and lower it, breath out
and lift. Keep your wrists angled. Good, now give me another set of 10!"
Yulia laid on the bench feeling regretting every decision she'd ever made that led her to
this point. Aching muscles, burning and sore were screaming at her to stop.
Delete one of the copies of the word "was".
Change the comma after "chiseled core" to a semicolon, change "Toned" to lowercase, and add a comma after "excellent skin".glare at the ninja's exposed and chiseled core, Toned body, perfect curves, excellent skin and silky hair.
Delete the word "in".
Change the red word to "of".Emotional pain was quickly forgotten in favor a physical as Yulia was forcibly reminded
Add a comma between "such things" and "This One", add the word "a" between "as" and "weakling".As ashamed as someone of this rank may be of such things This One is proud of her 'Dark History' as weakling unable to swim even run ten meters before needing to catch her breath."
Same issue as in the previous chapter. "breath" is a noun and "breathe" is a verb.
Change "respect full" to "respectful".
"feint", not "feight".if Emmy used a different toss, or even noticed you lead with your right foot your little feight would have failed regardless of timing," The ninja scolded,
"Rapier" should not be capitalized, and there should be a comma after it.Where Rus wielded a single Rapier Emmy favored a pair of sticks.
clothes
clothes
"at the cafe"
"areas in area" sounds really bad, perhaps "places in the area" instead?
Again, you used "classes" twice here in a way that sounds bad. Perhaps change it to "at a time when many Ministra were finishing their classes."?at a time when classes for many Ministra were finishing their classes.
Add "you," between "bother" and "does".
Change "worse" to "worst,".At worse some foods may make me ill if I do not take supplements"