Fanart - There can be Only One (rude twintails)
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Only Human (Goddess of Victory NIKKE SI)
- Thread starter BakaSmurf
- Start date
Dasneaky
I trust you know where the happy button is?
- Joined
- Jul 30, 2021
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Screenshot or it didn't happen
Fanart - Our Crusade
TempestZeta
Rolling Gacha
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2021
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Holy fucking shit, your art goes unimaginably hard as always. Red Hood looks so fucking coolRemember: no raptures.
Chapter 38 - Dinner and a Show
BakaSmurf
Only Human, After All
- Joined
- Nov 15, 2016
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- 222
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- 11,461
===
Chapter 38 - Dinner and a Show
===
After a time, Joe found himself seated on a picturesque park bench in the Ark. He had, in fact, tuckered himself out just wandering around instead of letting himself dwell upon the memory of what he and Red Hood had done. He was grateful for Andersen's advice, but by the same token, now he was tired and more than a little directionless.
So, there he sat for a long while, until…
"Hey, you," a familiar, girly voice broke Joe from his reprieve. Turning about, he caught sight of none other than…
"I thought you were never talking to me again," the Commander remarked the moment he recognized Privaty.
The twintailed tsundere, in response, audibly choked, flinching and glowering ruinously Joe's way as she drew her expensive-looking purse in close-
"Dang, just as cute out of uniform as you are in uniform, huh?" he observed as he took in the sight of the Princess of First Squad's outfit - a white hooded jacket worn over an all-black ensemble consisting of: a taut long-sleeved turtleneck undershirt adorned with a simple little silver or steel necklace decorated with a sapphire gem, a belted pencil skirt, transparent thigh-highs and still ridiculously high heels. All capped off with a cute little cake pan-shaped white beret with black trimming and a dark ribbon dangling over her left ear.
At that, Privaty flinched again, her girlishly pretty face scrunching up and turning red as her glower redoubled. "W-why couldn't you have opened on that, you jerk!?" she cried out, seeming to curl in on herself as a small critter bracing for combat might. "And here I came over here because you were sitting there staring off into nothing like a big, sad sack of potatoes!"
Blinking once, Joe hadn't thought he'd been projecting any kind of negative emotions… then recalled that his resting bitch face either manifested when he was zoning out in nebulous anger, or some other manner of being apparently upset. He supposed it made sense that she might've assumed he was miserable about something - which, in fairness, he probably would be if not for Andersen's advice. But, beyond that… "You were concerned about me looking sad?"
Leaping back as her eyes and mouth went wide, Privaty looked downright cornered, gaze snapping to-and-fro as she seemed to be searching for some manner of escape. "I-I-" she stammered, clenching her teeth and presenting an adorable rictus of rage Joe's way. "L-like I'd be worried about you! And even if I was, s-so what!? You think I'm some kind of heartless psycho, is that it!?"
"I think you're a little sweetheart that saw some guy that was mean to her, but went out of her way to check on anyways, on account of that big, soft, squishy heart you've got there in that tiny little package," Joe noted, pointing nebulously towards Privaty's chest.
Staring over at Joe with wide eyes, initially a gaze of mortification which made way for a very, deeply forced attempt to stop herself from smiling as she blushed heavily at his assessment of her. "...I-I'm not tiny, you jerk!" the tiny little twintailed bluenette asserted as she refused to look directly at him. "A-and you are mean to me! I went out of my way to come check on you because you seemed sad, and this is the thanks I get!?" her nose shot up in the air, humph'ing deeply at him even as she directly contracted her own previous assertion. Again. "You…" she continued, "You have to make it up to me!" she demanded as she marched up to Joe, latching onto his wrist and hoisting him onto his feet with ease as she started dragging him along behind her. "Bring me to a nice restaurant as an apology! Heartless jerk!"
Joe wasn't entirely sure what he had been expecting out of a sudden Privaty encounter, but being dragged from his park seat to an impromptu restaurant outing wasn't it.
"Well?" Privaty started, looking more than a little smug from her spot directly across from Joe, "impressive, isn't it?"
The pair were seated at a fancy Korean barbecue place on the Royal Road, the Ark's premiere shopping district. The smells were wonderful, the air thick with the sounds and scents of hot, well-seasoned food filled the establishment abuzz with activity. Joe didn't think he was particularly properly-dressed for the occasion, given that most were all gooned up like proper Corpos in 'nice' (overblown) suits, while he was wearing the jacket Marian had picked out for him, a plain t-shirt, black jeans, and black combat boots.
Privaty's outfit was, in contrast, far and away better suited given that her clothes at least looked expensive… Hell, it damn near looked like she'd just grabbed and dragged in some dude off the street-
Hey, wait a minute!
"Most people settle for Nutrium," Privaty continued as she held a strip of raw meat up between a pair of chopsticks, grinning in naked self-satisfaction as she did so. "But, unlike most places, this restaurant stocks real meat for people willing to pay a premium."
That actually managed to catch Joe's attention, looking up from his own plate of uncooked, and apparently real beef as he replied: "No shit? For real?" Where in the Hell would the Ark be keeping cattle for butchering? Wasn't living space at a horrifying premium in this underground cyberpunk shithole?
Smug grin becoming downright ruinous, Privaty dropped her strip onto the grill sitting in the middle of the table. The act producing a distinctive sizzle as fat melted within and sounded out with a series of pops. "It's not often that folks get to enjoy real beef in this day and age, you know. You better savour it!" the little bluenette pointed her chopsticks at Joe, who was critically examining his own cut of flesh.
It… certainly looked like real meat, though, if he were being entirely honest, he couldn't really tell the difference between the meat he'd had back home, and the 'Nutrium' he'd been given since waking in the Ark in the first place. Generally, the Ark seemed to have mastered the art of producing artificial food in general, given that even him, a man effectively from before the Rapture Invasion, couldn't detect a meaningful difference in taste or texture.
At any rate, Joe followed Privaty's example, only somewhat put off by the fact that he was used to working with whole-ass steaks and the like, and also didn't know how to use chopstocks properly. He didn't tend to grill tiny little thin strips like these… he wasn't sure he was going to be able to get these medium rare as he liked his beef, cooking it like this for the first time-
"Hey!" Privaty cried out in sudden, entirely inexplicable offence. "What the Hell!?"
Joe blankly stared at the little counter-terrorist tsundere as he awkwardly crabbed his chopsticks together, replying, "...What?" Given that all's he did was plop a strip of meat down on the grill-
"Why the Hell are you putting your beef so far away from mine!?" the white-and-black clad young woman demanded, combatively pointing at Joe's strip with her chopsticks, set on the other side of the grill. "What, you're too good to share the same side of the grill with me after I brought you here to this nice place to cheer you up and everything!?"
At that, Joe just owlishly stared at Privaty. He genuinely didn't know how to respond to that. Nor when she forcefully grabbed her own cooking strip of meat, and moved to crowd it up next to Joe's with a little resentful glower.
"...Ah," the burly man started with an amused chuckle. "I see. You're lonely, then?"
Recoiling in her seat as though struck, Privaty looked downright scandalized. "A-as if!" she protested heavily. "Like I'd be lonely! And if I was, like I'd go scrambling to you to fix that!" She reached out, setting a chopstick onto her strip of meat as if to move it away from his - though she didn't, just sitting there, grimacing at the beef.
After a few moments, Joe decided to bully Privaty just a bit. Reaching out with one of his own chopsticks and poking his own sizzling strip of meat, beginning to pull it away from Privaty's… Only for her to lash out and grab his eating implement with her own, a rictus of anger worn as she growled at Joe for the attempt to create distance between their cooking meat pieces.
Man. What an indecisive nerd.
"I can see you're hell-bent on keeping us together…" Joe smugly remarked.
"A-as if!" Privaty cried in response, firmly denying the assertion even as a blush rapidly found purchase on her soft features. "I… I'm just trying to stop you from embarrassing me by playing with your food! Are you trying to mess up your expensive meat too!? You need to let it sit and cook or it'll come out ruined, you idiot!" she declared forcefully, clenching her teeth together even as her brow knitted in annoyance.
"That's why you shifted your piece to sit next to mine, right?" Joe pressed, the breadth of his smile visibly agitating Privaty all the while. He withdrew his chopstick so he could attempt to spear his strip again from a different direction.
"That part of the grill just happens to be the most ideal for cooking!" Privaty protested as she nimbly caught, parried, and riposted Joe's implement, warding him away from the cooking strips of flesh. "Don't read any weird stuff into it, you freakjob!"
"Didn't you just say that you were mad at me for not grilling my meat next to yours, though?" Joe innocently inquired, smile redoubling with every self-inflicted contradiction that spilled out of Privaty's mouth.
"B-because you weren't cooking it properly!" the little golden-eyed nerd protested, audibly failing to even convince herself. "Just prepare your food properly, idiot! You're going to burn it!"
"No I'm not-" Joe started, grinning like a massive dumbass, only to cut himself off with a hurking noise, spearing his strip of flesh and withdrawing it from the grill with a rapid desperation.
"Hey, you-!" Privaty started to complain, only to look to her own cooking strip, and react much the same way, all but tearing it from the grill and forlornly gazing upon the consequences of the two's idiocy. Both of their pieces of incredibly expensive, genuine post-apocalyptic beef, not just well-done all the way through to shoe leather, but partially blackened too.
The two just sat in silence for a few long moments, silently praying that nobody was looking at and judging them for their foolishness.
"...This is your fault!" Privaty asserted, jabbing the chopstick with a piece of burned flesh still speared on the end of it out at Joe for emphasis. "Idiot!"
"My fault!?" Joe protested, leaning back in offence. "I beg your pardon, who was it that started complaining about a literal nothing burger and got the idiot ball rolling?"
"You did when you treated me like a leper by refusing to share the same side of the grill with me, you jerk!" Privaty asserted forcefully, leaning over the table and grimacing openly at her dinner partner.
To that, Joe just threw his arms up, declaring with an exaggerated roll of his eyes: "Well, excuuuuuuse me, Little Potato Whisperer!"
"Po- what the Hell did you just call me!?" Needless to say, Privaty was only that much more aggravated by his response. "What the Hell is 'Potato Whisperer' supposed to mean!?"
"Ain't you the one that called me a 'potato' back in that park?" Joe asked, shrugging as he wore a frustratingly smug grin. "Then, here you are, trying to whisper sweet nothings into a potato's ear to get it all buttered up and cooperative... ergo: Little Potato Whisperer."
"Oh, you," Privaty stood up, stooping over the table and growling at Joe outright. "Oooohhhh youuuu...!"
Privaty was way too easy to poke.
"Never again!" Privaty cried out as the pair parted ways. "This is the last time I ever interact with you! You massive, selfish jerk!" With a hard 'humph,' the little twin-tailed beauty's nose shot up into the air, and she strutted off into the bustling crowds of the Royal Road without missing a beat or turning back to look at him.
Which at least made it easy for Joe to watch her go. He had to admit that he liked doing that. Depositing his hands into his pockets, he shifted about and started back down the opposite way, following the street back to the elevator leading to the Outpost. Luckily, neither he nor Privaty were quite idiotic enough to mess up the rest of the raw meat (and the assorted side dishes) they'd been provided to grill themselves - though, Joe had to admit… he couldn't tell the difference between real beef and simulated Nutrium beef - and thus they'd enjoyed a mostly normal meal together, which even got a little nicer after he let up on the teasing and showered her in some praise.
Otherwise, Privaty was a sucker for compliments, as it turned out. Not that she'd let it get in the way of her getting the last word in on an interaction, though. It was clear to see that she wanted to 'win' any given discussion, despite not quite being built for that at the best of times.
To say nothing of-
Phone buzzing in his pocket, Joe whipped it out to find a new message from-
[YOU DIDN'T EVEN PAY FOR THE MEAL LIKE YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO, YOU JERK!] Privaty all-caps'd at him, which caused Joe to pause as he recalled that, indeed, she had demanded that he 'make it up to her' by bringing her somewhere nice… only for her to drag him somewhere nice, and pay for the entire meal herself before they left and he had the chance to remember that detail. [NOW YOU'RE OBLIGATED TO TREAT ME TO ANOTHER DINNER TO MAKE UP FOR IT, YOU HEAR ME!?]
Pausing, Joe's brow furrowed as he processed that declaration. She… hadn't calculated that to have an excuse to demand another outing together out of him, had she?
Another buzz… [And you'd better not misinterpret these as dates or anything, you hear me!? As if I'd be interested in someone as mean and rude as you! I'm just making you make up your jerkness to me!]
…Wait, was that a date!? Had he just gone on a date with a shortstack, twintailed tsundere with negative defences against bullying? Nah, Hell no, ain't no way that's what just happened…
[So don't get the wrong idea or anything! I'm just not letting you get away with being mean to me! Got it!?]
…Ain't no way…
Joe opted to respond to Privaty rather than leave her on read, which would likely send her into a tizzy. [I'm sorry for messing up like that. I honestly forgot because of how nice of an experience the whole thing was. Actually completely forgot about all the other stuff I have going on for a bit there. Thanks, Privaty. I'll try to do better next time, and I hope you have a nice night.]
There. Honest and to the point, given that she had actually gotten his mind off of recent developments, which really was deeply appreciated, all things considered-
[Cut it out, it wasn't that big of a deal…] Privaty suddenly lost her edge and came across as a bit more reticent and soft following Joe's last message. [Just keep your mind off of things, okay? I know how hard it can get when you see a lot of combat in your job. It's bad to let yourself get all absorbed in it, or next thing you know you'll get one of your squadmates shaking you out of a stupor in a park five hours after you were supposed to be back, and they'll be all mad at you for it.]
Ah, that… wasn't an unfair assumption to make, given that he was a Commander, actually. Man, Privaty was a lot sweeter than she tried to present herself as being, wasn't she? [Alright, thanks Privaty. I'll let you go for the day now, since I'm sure we've both got lots to do.]
After a few moments, Privaty responded with a farewell of her own. [Okay. Take it easy, Joe. I'm looking forward to next time.]
With that, no more messages were exchanged, and Joe was allowed to make his way back to the Outpost from the Ark in relative quiet.
"CACHU! GWERINWR CI! WY PWDR! GWRTHRYFELGAR MERCH FACH!"
Joe was greeted by his return to the Outpost by, of all fucking things… the sight of Liter screaming at the top of her lungs in what he was pretty fucking sure was Welsh of all things, and countering her was-
"GOOKITY-BOOKIE GOOBLEDY-GOO!" Anis shouted back, screaming actual nonsense in just about the most wretched, demonic combination of a Scottish, Irish, Cockney, and Australian accent Joe ever had heard. "I CAN MAKE UP WORDS TOO, YOU LITTLE HERGEN DERGEN MERGIN FLERGEN!"
The pair were circling each other at top speed around the lounge couch, the yellow-clad little foreman screaming in what Joe was dumbstruck wasn't a dead language by now, Anis, stripped down to just her tanktop and short shorts in what would have been a lovely sight, if not for the particular circumstances surrounding the revealing attire. Notably, the recreational room was something of a mess - with various articles of Anis' typical clothing randomly strewn about the room alongside an assortment of empty MRE packages and soda cans.
"MOCHYN AFLAN!" Litre cursed again, seemingly entirely blind to the presence of the Outpost's Commander watching the entire, onerous tableau playing out before him like some sort of Looney Tunes skit.
Even better, the other members of Counters, new MP's included, were on the other side of the room, standing in the hallway portal leading to the kitchen. Everyone was transfixed by the absurdness playing out in front of them, and it was all Joe could do to just reach up to pinch his nose, and sigh as it figured that, yeah, something would have to come up after such a lovely outing with Privaty, wouldn't it?
No rest for the wicked for the Commander of Counters, as it ever was.
Chapter 38 - Dinner and a Show
===
After a time, Joe found himself seated on a picturesque park bench in the Ark. He had, in fact, tuckered himself out just wandering around instead of letting himself dwell upon the memory of what he and Red Hood had done. He was grateful for Andersen's advice, but by the same token, now he was tired and more than a little directionless.
So, there he sat for a long while, until…
"Hey, you," a familiar, girly voice broke Joe from his reprieve. Turning about, he caught sight of none other than…
"I thought you were never talking to me again," the Commander remarked the moment he recognized Privaty.
The twintailed tsundere, in response, audibly choked, flinching and glowering ruinously Joe's way as she drew her expensive-looking purse in close-
"Dang, just as cute out of uniform as you are in uniform, huh?" he observed as he took in the sight of the Princess of First Squad's outfit - a white hooded jacket worn over an all-black ensemble consisting of: a taut long-sleeved turtleneck undershirt adorned with a simple little silver or steel necklace decorated with a sapphire gem, a belted pencil skirt, transparent thigh-highs and still ridiculously high heels. All capped off with a cute little cake pan-shaped white beret with black trimming and a dark ribbon dangling over her left ear.
At that, Privaty flinched again, her girlishly pretty face scrunching up and turning red as her glower redoubled. "W-why couldn't you have opened on that, you jerk!?" she cried out, seeming to curl in on herself as a small critter bracing for combat might. "And here I came over here because you were sitting there staring off into nothing like a big, sad sack of potatoes!"
Blinking once, Joe hadn't thought he'd been projecting any kind of negative emotions… then recalled that his resting bitch face either manifested when he was zoning out in nebulous anger, or some other manner of being apparently upset. He supposed it made sense that she might've assumed he was miserable about something - which, in fairness, he probably would be if not for Andersen's advice. But, beyond that… "You were concerned about me looking sad?"
Leaping back as her eyes and mouth went wide, Privaty looked downright cornered, gaze snapping to-and-fro as she seemed to be searching for some manner of escape. "I-I-" she stammered, clenching her teeth and presenting an adorable rictus of rage Joe's way. "L-like I'd be worried about you! And even if I was, s-so what!? You think I'm some kind of heartless psycho, is that it!?"
"I think you're a little sweetheart that saw some guy that was mean to her, but went out of her way to check on anyways, on account of that big, soft, squishy heart you've got there in that tiny little package," Joe noted, pointing nebulously towards Privaty's chest.
Staring over at Joe with wide eyes, initially a gaze of mortification which made way for a very, deeply forced attempt to stop herself from smiling as she blushed heavily at his assessment of her. "...I-I'm not tiny, you jerk!" the tiny little twintailed bluenette asserted as she refused to look directly at him. "A-and you are mean to me! I went out of my way to come check on you because you seemed sad, and this is the thanks I get!?" her nose shot up in the air, humph'ing deeply at him even as she directly contracted her own previous assertion. Again. "You…" she continued, "You have to make it up to me!" she demanded as she marched up to Joe, latching onto his wrist and hoisting him onto his feet with ease as she started dragging him along behind her. "Bring me to a nice restaurant as an apology! Heartless jerk!"
Joe wasn't entirely sure what he had been expecting out of a sudden Privaty encounter, but being dragged from his park seat to an impromptu restaurant outing wasn't it.
"Well?" Privaty started, looking more than a little smug from her spot directly across from Joe, "impressive, isn't it?"
The pair were seated at a fancy Korean barbecue place on the Royal Road, the Ark's premiere shopping district. The smells were wonderful, the air thick with the sounds and scents of hot, well-seasoned food filled the establishment abuzz with activity. Joe didn't think he was particularly properly-dressed for the occasion, given that most were all gooned up like proper Corpos in 'nice' (overblown) suits, while he was wearing the jacket Marian had picked out for him, a plain t-shirt, black jeans, and black combat boots.
Privaty's outfit was, in contrast, far and away better suited given that her clothes at least looked expensive… Hell, it damn near looked like she'd just grabbed and dragged in some dude off the street-
Hey, wait a minute!
"Most people settle for Nutrium," Privaty continued as she held a strip of raw meat up between a pair of chopsticks, grinning in naked self-satisfaction as she did so. "But, unlike most places, this restaurant stocks real meat for people willing to pay a premium."
That actually managed to catch Joe's attention, looking up from his own plate of uncooked, and apparently real beef as he replied: "No shit? For real?" Where in the Hell would the Ark be keeping cattle for butchering? Wasn't living space at a horrifying premium in this underground cyberpunk shithole?
Smug grin becoming downright ruinous, Privaty dropped her strip onto the grill sitting in the middle of the table. The act producing a distinctive sizzle as fat melted within and sounded out with a series of pops. "It's not often that folks get to enjoy real beef in this day and age, you know. You better savour it!" the little bluenette pointed her chopsticks at Joe, who was critically examining his own cut of flesh.
It… certainly looked like real meat, though, if he were being entirely honest, he couldn't really tell the difference between the meat he'd had back home, and the 'Nutrium' he'd been given since waking in the Ark in the first place. Generally, the Ark seemed to have mastered the art of producing artificial food in general, given that even him, a man effectively from before the Rapture Invasion, couldn't detect a meaningful difference in taste or texture.
At any rate, Joe followed Privaty's example, only somewhat put off by the fact that he was used to working with whole-ass steaks and the like, and also didn't know how to use chopstocks properly. He didn't tend to grill tiny little thin strips like these… he wasn't sure he was going to be able to get these medium rare as he liked his beef, cooking it like this for the first time-
"Hey!" Privaty cried out in sudden, entirely inexplicable offence. "What the Hell!?"
Joe blankly stared at the little counter-terrorist tsundere as he awkwardly crabbed his chopsticks together, replying, "...What?" Given that all's he did was plop a strip of meat down on the grill-
"Why the Hell are you putting your beef so far away from mine!?" the white-and-black clad young woman demanded, combatively pointing at Joe's strip with her chopsticks, set on the other side of the grill. "What, you're too good to share the same side of the grill with me after I brought you here to this nice place to cheer you up and everything!?"
At that, Joe just owlishly stared at Privaty. He genuinely didn't know how to respond to that. Nor when she forcefully grabbed her own cooking strip of meat, and moved to crowd it up next to Joe's with a little resentful glower.
"...Ah," the burly man started with an amused chuckle. "I see. You're lonely, then?"
Recoiling in her seat as though struck, Privaty looked downright scandalized. "A-as if!" she protested heavily. "Like I'd be lonely! And if I was, like I'd go scrambling to you to fix that!" She reached out, setting a chopstick onto her strip of meat as if to move it away from his - though she didn't, just sitting there, grimacing at the beef.
After a few moments, Joe decided to bully Privaty just a bit. Reaching out with one of his own chopsticks and poking his own sizzling strip of meat, beginning to pull it away from Privaty's… Only for her to lash out and grab his eating implement with her own, a rictus of anger worn as she growled at Joe for the attempt to create distance between their cooking meat pieces.
Man. What an indecisive nerd.
"I can see you're hell-bent on keeping us together…" Joe smugly remarked.
"A-as if!" Privaty cried in response, firmly denying the assertion even as a blush rapidly found purchase on her soft features. "I… I'm just trying to stop you from embarrassing me by playing with your food! Are you trying to mess up your expensive meat too!? You need to let it sit and cook or it'll come out ruined, you idiot!" she declared forcefully, clenching her teeth together even as her brow knitted in annoyance.
"That's why you shifted your piece to sit next to mine, right?" Joe pressed, the breadth of his smile visibly agitating Privaty all the while. He withdrew his chopstick so he could attempt to spear his strip again from a different direction.
"That part of the grill just happens to be the most ideal for cooking!" Privaty protested as she nimbly caught, parried, and riposted Joe's implement, warding him away from the cooking strips of flesh. "Don't read any weird stuff into it, you freakjob!"
"Didn't you just say that you were mad at me for not grilling my meat next to yours, though?" Joe innocently inquired, smile redoubling with every self-inflicted contradiction that spilled out of Privaty's mouth.
"B-because you weren't cooking it properly!" the little golden-eyed nerd protested, audibly failing to even convince herself. "Just prepare your food properly, idiot! You're going to burn it!"
"No I'm not-" Joe started, grinning like a massive dumbass, only to cut himself off with a hurking noise, spearing his strip of flesh and withdrawing it from the grill with a rapid desperation.
"Hey, you-!" Privaty started to complain, only to look to her own cooking strip, and react much the same way, all but tearing it from the grill and forlornly gazing upon the consequences of the two's idiocy. Both of their pieces of incredibly expensive, genuine post-apocalyptic beef, not just well-done all the way through to shoe leather, but partially blackened too.
The two just sat in silence for a few long moments, silently praying that nobody was looking at and judging them for their foolishness.
"...This is your fault!" Privaty asserted, jabbing the chopstick with a piece of burned flesh still speared on the end of it out at Joe for emphasis. "Idiot!"
"My fault!?" Joe protested, leaning back in offence. "I beg your pardon, who was it that started complaining about a literal nothing burger and got the idiot ball rolling?"
"You did when you treated me like a leper by refusing to share the same side of the grill with me, you jerk!" Privaty asserted forcefully, leaning over the table and grimacing openly at her dinner partner.
To that, Joe just threw his arms up, declaring with an exaggerated roll of his eyes: "Well, excuuuuuuse me, Little Potato Whisperer!"
"Po- what the Hell did you just call me!?" Needless to say, Privaty was only that much more aggravated by his response. "What the Hell is 'Potato Whisperer' supposed to mean!?"
"Ain't you the one that called me a 'potato' back in that park?" Joe asked, shrugging as he wore a frustratingly smug grin. "Then, here you are, trying to whisper sweet nothings into a potato's ear to get it all buttered up and cooperative... ergo: Little Potato Whisperer."
"Oh, you," Privaty stood up, stooping over the table and growling at Joe outright. "Oooohhhh youuuu...!"
Privaty was way too easy to poke.
"Never again!" Privaty cried out as the pair parted ways. "This is the last time I ever interact with you! You massive, selfish jerk!" With a hard 'humph,' the little twin-tailed beauty's nose shot up into the air, and she strutted off into the bustling crowds of the Royal Road without missing a beat or turning back to look at him.
Which at least made it easy for Joe to watch her go. He had to admit that he liked doing that. Depositing his hands into his pockets, he shifted about and started back down the opposite way, following the street back to the elevator leading to the Outpost. Luckily, neither he nor Privaty were quite idiotic enough to mess up the rest of the raw meat (and the assorted side dishes) they'd been provided to grill themselves - though, Joe had to admit… he couldn't tell the difference between real beef and simulated Nutrium beef - and thus they'd enjoyed a mostly normal meal together, which even got a little nicer after he let up on the teasing and showered her in some praise.
Otherwise, Privaty was a sucker for compliments, as it turned out. Not that she'd let it get in the way of her getting the last word in on an interaction, though. It was clear to see that she wanted to 'win' any given discussion, despite not quite being built for that at the best of times.
To say nothing of-
Phone buzzing in his pocket, Joe whipped it out to find a new message from-
[YOU DIDN'T EVEN PAY FOR THE MEAL LIKE YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO, YOU JERK!] Privaty all-caps'd at him, which caused Joe to pause as he recalled that, indeed, she had demanded that he 'make it up to her' by bringing her somewhere nice… only for her to drag him somewhere nice, and pay for the entire meal herself before they left and he had the chance to remember that detail. [NOW YOU'RE OBLIGATED TO TREAT ME TO ANOTHER DINNER TO MAKE UP FOR IT, YOU HEAR ME!?]
Pausing, Joe's brow furrowed as he processed that declaration. She… hadn't calculated that to have an excuse to demand another outing together out of him, had she?
Another buzz… [And you'd better not misinterpret these as dates or anything, you hear me!? As if I'd be interested in someone as mean and rude as you! I'm just making you make up your jerkness to me!]
…Wait, was that a date!? Had he just gone on a date with a shortstack, twintailed tsundere with negative defences against bullying? Nah, Hell no, ain't no way that's what just happened…
[So don't get the wrong idea or anything! I'm just not letting you get away with being mean to me! Got it!?]
…Ain't no way…
Joe opted to respond to Privaty rather than leave her on read, which would likely send her into a tizzy. [I'm sorry for messing up like that. I honestly forgot because of how nice of an experience the whole thing was. Actually completely forgot about all the other stuff I have going on for a bit there. Thanks, Privaty. I'll try to do better next time, and I hope you have a nice night.]
There. Honest and to the point, given that she had actually gotten his mind off of recent developments, which really was deeply appreciated, all things considered-
[Cut it out, it wasn't that big of a deal…] Privaty suddenly lost her edge and came across as a bit more reticent and soft following Joe's last message. [Just keep your mind off of things, okay? I know how hard it can get when you see a lot of combat in your job. It's bad to let yourself get all absorbed in it, or next thing you know you'll get one of your squadmates shaking you out of a stupor in a park five hours after you were supposed to be back, and they'll be all mad at you for it.]
Ah, that… wasn't an unfair assumption to make, given that he was a Commander, actually. Man, Privaty was a lot sweeter than she tried to present herself as being, wasn't she? [Alright, thanks Privaty. I'll let you go for the day now, since I'm sure we've both got lots to do.]
After a few moments, Privaty responded with a farewell of her own. [Okay. Take it easy, Joe. I'm looking forward to next time.]
With that, no more messages were exchanged, and Joe was allowed to make his way back to the Outpost from the Ark in relative quiet.
"CACHU! GWERINWR CI! WY PWDR! GWRTHRYFELGAR MERCH FACH!"
Joe was greeted by his return to the Outpost by, of all fucking things… the sight of Liter screaming at the top of her lungs in what he was pretty fucking sure was Welsh of all things, and countering her was-
"GOOKITY-BOOKIE GOOBLEDY-GOO!" Anis shouted back, screaming actual nonsense in just about the most wretched, demonic combination of a Scottish, Irish, Cockney, and Australian accent Joe ever had heard. "I CAN MAKE UP WORDS TOO, YOU LITTLE HERGEN DERGEN MERGIN FLERGEN!"
The pair were circling each other at top speed around the lounge couch, the yellow-clad little foreman screaming in what Joe was dumbstruck wasn't a dead language by now, Anis, stripped down to just her tanktop and short shorts in what would have been a lovely sight, if not for the particular circumstances surrounding the revealing attire. Notably, the recreational room was something of a mess - with various articles of Anis' typical clothing randomly strewn about the room alongside an assortment of empty MRE packages and soda cans.
"MOCHYN AFLAN!" Litre cursed again, seemingly entirely blind to the presence of the Outpost's Commander watching the entire, onerous tableau playing out before him like some sort of Looney Tunes skit.
Even better, the other members of Counters, new MP's included, were on the other side of the room, standing in the hallway portal leading to the kitchen. Everyone was transfixed by the absurdness playing out in front of them, and it was all Joe could do to just reach up to pinch his nose, and sigh as it figured that, yeah, something would have to come up after such a lovely outing with Privaty, wouldn't it?
No rest for the wicked for the Commander of Counters, as it ever was.
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S T 0 |2 M
I trust you know where the happy button is?
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Privaty is always a treat, though I wonder what happened here? I don't remember anything like this happening in the game tbh
Fragment of Serenity
Yu-Shan's Paperwork Ninja
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Ah yes, the classic 'Incoherent Gaelic Screaming'. A classic method of displaying one's displeasure.
Though I kinda want to hear exactly what for of hell Anis's accent is attempting to be at this point. Mostly for my own amusement.
Good job in bulliing Privaty. Poor girl probably needed the release and having a nice dinner was just the thing for both of em.
Now all we need is movie date where the tsun picks a horror movie. If simply because I haven't had my sides bruised from laughing in a good long while.
Though I kinda want to hear exactly what for of hell Anis's accent is attempting to be at this point. Mostly for my own amusement.
Good job in bulliing Privaty. Poor girl probably needed the release and having a nice dinner was just the thing for both of em.
Now all we need is movie date where the tsun picks a horror movie. If simply because I haven't had my sides bruised from laughing in a good long while.
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JamesAsmodeus
Fire and Blood
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Wow, this is much more light-hearted than what Joe had to literally go through. He needs it, and Privaty's just adorable with her attempts to get him back on track.
Sad Machine
Unshackled Unclaimed
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Ah Anis you just have a way with words
Zam138
Professional Loser
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Me, before translating: it's about the socks, isn't it.
Dasneaky
I trust you know where the happy button is?
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this reminded me of danmachi and hestia. "You...you have to take responsibility." Also I require a translation for a non Welch speaker
Ace of Scarabs
Polish my soul gem, you reprobrate~
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Another user on the SB thread ran it through Google Translate. (I'd use DeepL, but they haven't added Gaelic yet)
SHIT! DOG PEOPLE! ROTTEN EGG! REBELLIOUS LITTLE GIRL!
"DIRTY PIG!"
...Welp, definitely ranting about either Ani's socks or her soda can trash piles.
Dasneaky
I trust you know where the happy button is?
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so all in all just asserting dominance right
Fragment of Serenity
Yu-Shan's Paperwork Ninja
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Do not fuck around with construction grandma. She got every single one of her fucks shot off in the last war and was too busy murdering things to get them replaced.
Dasneaky
I trust you know where the happy button is?
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There's a reason she still the meta till now lol
Chapter 39 - Peel the Bandage
BakaSmurf
Only Human, After All
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===
Chapter 39 - Peel the Bandage
===
Anis was furious when Joe laid down the law and firmly declared that she would clean up after herself as she made a mess, or she'd clean the entire damned building herself at the end of the week. However, Joe had seniority over her, and wasn't afraid to pull rank the moment someone started up on their bullshit. Joe wasn't going to be living like no pig - doubly so when Liter pressed the issue and everyone found out at the same time that there were no cleaning supplies in the building.
To say that Joe was unamused would be an understatement. Liter appreciated it when the base Commander immediately put in a request to actually get supplies on hand. Given that he didn't want to badger Ingrid with something so small on top of everything else he bugged her about, and the fact that Mustang had just told Joe to call him for help about stuff too… Well, Mustang was eager to accommodate, and thus assured him that what he'd need would be there in short order.
So, given how everything seemed to be working out, after relaying that everyone would be sending their equipment to Elysion to be retrofitted for logistical sanity, Joe retreated to his office to go through the catalogue of military equipment for the upcoming operation.
No points for guessing how Anis reacted to learning that Counters had been named an Elysion Tyrant Breaker squad.
With the suggestion that they might need Arctic warfare gear, Joe looked into what was available - and was somewhat put-off by the lack of wool insulation. Everything was artificially insulated, which, admittedly, made sense. The Ark probably didn't keep sheep on hand for shearing. So, Joe had to assume that everything he could get would be of sub-par quality compared to what he'd have gone with back in the day, having grown up in the region.
Then he found out about the Coldsuits. Form-fitting, specially tailored extreme conditions bodysuits meant to tightly hug the wearer's body to accommodate overwear, and incorporating highly advanced artificial insulation and powered warming tech alongside body waste recycling systems. These were rated for down to negative forty-degrees Celsius/Fahrenheit entirely on their own - to say nothing of the fact that they were meant to be worn under regular insulating layers at that.
In other words: Joe's greatest dream as a far northern country boy come true. Buying one of these for Rapi, Anis, and Neon each along with one for himself would make them exponentially more survivable in such conditions for extended periods of time. Not just soldiers, but search and rescue officers, explorers, Hell, just survivalists would have given their firstborns for form-fitting insulating undersuits like these. He'd obviously double up with traditional insulated winter wear instead of trying to Solid Snake his way through the Arctic with his cleanly-defined cheeks clapping majestically out in the wind, but holy shit.
Coldsuits were expensive, but checking their current funds and expenses: they could afford the four they'd need to outfit Rapi, Anis, and Neon as well as himself. If they had to pay for their own weapons and ammo, it might be a different story, but Ingrid was taking care of them in that regard. Thus, they'd be having those. Luckily, as the girl's measurements were already known, alongside Joe's - it wasn't like his actual Officer's uniform was off the rack - he just had to put in the orders, and forward offers to the girls to have them customized if they wanted such ahead of time, given that Elysion allowed for that via cooperation with Tetra Line.
So, if they wound up deployed to the Arctic, they'd be just fucking fine.
Once all that was done, Joe was left feeling surprisingly good about whatever operation might come next. They'd be equipped for Chatterbox if they ran into it, they'd be dressed to shrug off Arctic environmental conditions if current predictions for Snow White's apparent path towards the Yukon stayed true…
With that all done, Joe sent in an inquiry regarding vehicles. ATV's or Snowmobiles would go a long way towards getting around an Arctic environment easily. Or even better, a Snowcat - but that'd be a possibility to cover presumably another day.
Thus, the Commander of the Outpost was left considering other things… namely, the fact that he needed to bring Rapi up to speed on the whole 'Red Hood' thing.
That… wasn't going to be fun. And he wasn't even sure how exactly to begin to cover it. As Ingrid said, the sooner they started, the better, given that they could be deployed at a moment's notice, and they didn't want Rapi being confronted with the Goddess stuff by Snow White out in the field. But, man…
Sitting in silence for a time, eventually, Joe just let out a heavy sigh. It'd probably be best to just… get her into his office, and figure it out.
So, he called Rapi in. Feeling no small amount of pressure build up in the back of his head, he stood up and paced about a bit before she arrived.
"Commander," Rapi's voice alerted him to her arrival, not having noticed the door automatically slide open as she stepped in. "We need to talk?" she began.
After taking a breath to centre himself, Joe strode over to the paired couches set directly across from each other, and motioned for Rapi to take a seat. She did so, keeping a stern expression all the while, continuing to stare at him expectantly.
"...This is about the… Pilgrim, we encountered during the Chatterbox incident," Joe started, doing his best to feel out the direction the conversation should go in. "It-"
Rapi's expression became resigned. She averted her gaze, lightly sighing through her nostrils. "...Commander," she started, only to visibly hesitate and halt. "...I knew that this topic wasn't one I could avoid for long. But I still don't know how to even begin addressing it…" Grimacing, the tiny woman continued. "She recognized both of us. She went berserk when Chatterbox threatened both of us. As much as I didn't want to have to address this… I don't remember her, Commander. And I don't remember you either."
Blinking owlishly, Joe recalled at once… that, yeah, he'd tried to talk to her about this already, and she deflected, just ignored the part where Snow White had recognized him as well. That, in fairness, brought up a whole load of bizarre questions that he wouldn't have been able to even begin to sort out without the knowledge provided by the other members of the conspiracy. How would she have even started to figure that out?
"...Do we need to talk about this, Commander?" Rapi asked, very clearly uncomfortable with the topic of discussion.
As much as Joe would like to not have to push the matter… "Our next slated operation is to track down and make contact with the Pilgrim: Snow White," he noted with some degree of remorse. "We're on call, in fact. We're deploying the very moment she's been spotted and we know where she is."
The way Rapi suddenly looked as though she was bearing a boulder upon her shoulders made him feel all the worse, but… "...Okay," she just weakly acknowledged the statement. "Then… go on. Rip off the bandage."
Taking in the sight of the ruby-eyed little Goddess, Joe sighed and shook his head. "The point of addressing this is to minimize the risk of you experiencing a Mind Switch," he noted. "So, no. It would be best to pick at this as gradually as we can afford to, rather than… throwing a metaphorical hatchet at your head without warning."
The tension in the room could be cut with a knife. Rapi's discomfort was plain to see, and he didn't like putting her through this, but this was ultimately necessary.
"Then…" Rapi all but breathed out her reply. "Where do we start?"
After a moment of consideration, Joe replied. "Ask me questions. Whatever comes to mind, whatever you think won't be too much all at once."
The silence that followed was palpable. Rapi wouldn't look directly at Joe, fidgeting about where she was seated, mind going a mile a minute. "...How do you know me?" she started. "Or, rather… how did we know each other?"
"I was your Commander," Joe answered matter-of-factually, just answering the question on the face of it rather than getting lost in the weeds that she wasn't asking about.
That visibly confused Rapi, to say the least. "...But, that doesn't…" she trailed off, looking at Joe like he was crazy. She stared for a few long moments before speaking up again. "...Do you have proof?" She asked bluntly.
To that, Joe responded by nodding. "I have old physical photos from back then," he answered. "Photos of us, and our old squad, including Snow White."
That caught the black-clad Nikke off-guard, eyes going wide as she lightly recoiled at the reciprocal bluntness of his statement. "...From… when," her voice became somewhat shaky. "From when I was Red Hood?"
Joe nodded. Just answer what was asked, don't get lost in the sauce.
"...Would you let me see them?" She inquired.
"If you think that would be a good idea," Joe stated simply.
Hands balling into fists, Rapi was visibly conflicted, eyes narrowing as she considered Joe's words. "...I want proof," she demanded. "I want to see hard proof before I put any stock into what you're saying. I want to see these photos you claim to have."
Well, if she wanted to see them… rising to his feet, Joe moved for the hidden safe Andersen had pointed out to him previously. It was exposed, visibly catching Rapi by surprise, and quickly enough, he had the photos that had been left in his possession in hand. He shuffled through them, and… flipped all those that featured anyone other than himself, Red Hood, and Snow White around. Returning to the couches, he stood before Rapi for a moment before declaring: "There's a lot fucking more than just you and me in the photos I turned around," he declared as he presented the first face-up picture to her; the one featuring Red Hood draped over his shoulders and trying to steal his food from him. "I'd advise not looking at the rest just yet."
Rapi froze at the sight. Hand partially outstretched, her lips parted and eyes wide. At once, she very clearly recognized herself. Gingerly taking the bundle of Polaroids, she just stared at the first quietly.
After a few moments, Joe returned to his seat across from Rapi, and waited, giving her as much time as she needed.
And take her time Rapi did. She just took in the sight of… Red Hood; herself. Unquestionably herself, with Joe. It was a good few minutes before she progressed onto the next picture, letting out a small, shuddering breath of acknowledgement. "Ah… I see… that's… her, then." The picture of Red Hood holding a little Snow White in a headlock. Joe knew because he'd deliberately arranged the face-up pictures as he had. "It's… it's real. This is real…" her voice hitched, remaining fixated on the photos. "You… you're…"
Silence. Joe would just let her work through this as gradually as she needed to. Simple as.
"...So…" she started hesitantly. "You know… about, how I can…?" She asked as she looked over the photos at Joe.
"The Exceed system?" Joe figured, given how her literally glowing red hair and golden eyes kind of stood out back then. "Yes."
Rapi looked overwhelmed, but not ruinously so. Taking a deep breath, she continued. "...When?" she inquired. "When were you my Commander?"
"That's more of a loaded question than you probably think it is," Joe answered plainly.
"...Please," Rapi spoke up again, almost pleading. "Just… Please, answer me."
The tone of voice she took on was… damned heartbreaking. She wanted answers, and was clearly not above begging for them. Joe didn't want to make Rapi beg, and so, with a heavy sigh… "I don't want to rip off the bandage, because that's what answering that question accurately would amount to, but… if you're sure, I'll tell you."
"Please," Rapi reiterated her plea, making Joe feel all the worse.
Fuck.
"...During the Initial Rapture Invasion," Joe answered grimly. "I was your Commander during the Initial Rapture Invasion."
Rapi went completely still, staring at Joe in blank uncomprehending silence. She looked at the photos again, almost turned the bundle over to look at those Joe had deliberately reversed so she wouldn't be exposed to too much at once… "That… was a century ago," she noted dryly. "You expect me to believe-"
"I've been in stasis," Joe noted bluntly. "It's why there was no information on me that held up to scrutiny when I was sent out to take command of yourself and Anis. I'd just been pulled out of cryo, and didn't have a complete backstory concocted for me yet."
Rapi's eyes flitted about momentarily, her mind going a mile a minute. "You… aren't a Commander Corps graduate, are you?"
"Never even set foot in the building," Joe replied with a small shrug.
"...That explains a lot," Rapi admitted, her expression growing increasingly unreadable. "I actually believe that. You're too competent to be a Commander Corps officer…"
Joe couldn't help but let out a small snort, which he immediately attempted to suppress as he placed a hand over his mouth to mask his grin.
Rapi made no such attempt, clearly finding some measure of satisfaction in his reaction to her assessment. Joe was grateful for that small moment of levity. He didn't enjoy seeing Rapi so intense, and her smiles, however small, however rare, were wonderful.
However, the moment had to pass, and the little Goddess of Victory looked to Joe again, expression falling again. "...If we were there, during the IRI… Who are we?" She inquired. "Who am I, to be so important that instead of being decommissioned when I… did what I did, I was told to continue to serve in atonement," she alluded to the attack on the Central Government HQ, which she didn't have the whole picture of, "Who are you, a Commander that served during the initial invasion, to be sealed away for nearly a century afterwards… and for us to be reunited as a permanent squad that defies Nikke and Commander norms? Continuously given such ruinously dangerous missions, to be put under the direct command of Elysion's CEO, to be shown such blatant favouritism even from Tetra Line's CEO?"
Well… he supposed it was time to finish peeling off that particular bandage… "You're Red Hood, a Grimms model Nikke of Goddess Squad, one of the most powerful ever created, one of the Goddesses of Victory that held the line against the Rapture invasion, and gave mankind the opportunity it needed to create and seal the Ark in its darkest hour."
Rapi didn't overtly respond to that declaration, just staring blankly at Joe in response.
Lightly sighing, Joe figured he should just get the bandage off already. "And I'm-"
"The Legendary Commander," Rapi said, no small amount of awe present in her voice. "You're… and I'm…" her voice trailed off. Evidently, Joe being the Legendary Commander said everything that needed to be said in of itself. "Then, the Pilgrim, Snow White, is a member of Goddess too…" She deduced, looking at the picture of her roughhousing little Snow White. "...I suppose that Ingrid and Mustang both know, then?" she asked.
"Them, and Andersen," Joe declared. "They've all been pulling the strings behind the scenes to support us as best they can, without outing our identities to the Ark, and especially the Central Government, at large."
Rapi stared at the photo for a few long moments before speaking up again. "...Why is it being kept a secret?" she asked. "Why… Why are they hiding who we are from the Central Government?"
Shit, would revealing that much be too much just now? Joe figured that he should push that particular bit of information back over potentially explosively overwhelming Rapi. "It would be bad if they found out who we were," he declared. "For now… I think it'd be best if we left elaboration on that matter for another day."
"...I understand," Rapi acknowledged the suggestion and didn't press the issue. "...Wait, if you're the Legendary Commander, then, you founded the Commander Corps-"
Joe just scoffed derisively at that assertion. "No I did not," he firmly declared. "And every moment those worthless curs gallivant about, declaring themselves to follow in our footsteps fills me with intense shame and disgust." The man made no attempt to mask his disdain for the Commander Corps. Every single thing he'd seen of them was horrible, and he hated the entire organization more and more with each passing day.
There was a long, pregnant pause, Rapi stared at Joe wordlessly again… before she looked aside into the void out of the corner of her eyes, a wonderful, vindictive little smile finding purchase on her features. "I see," was all she said, despite being very visibly pleased by his declaration. "That's good to know."
Unsurprisingly, Rapi seemed to have little to no respect for the Commander Corps of the Central Government. Hearing that damning declaration from the Legendary Commander himself was very likely just about the most vindicating thing she'd ever heard in her life.
After a few moments in which Rapi just exalted in that particular revelation, she took a deep breath, letting out a heavy sigh through her nostrils. "Commander… can we leave this topic as it is, for now? I… this is a lot to think about, just as it is."
"Yeah, we can put off the rest for another day," Joe declared as he rose to his feet. "We just… didn't want you to have to wrestle with all of this out in the field. We don't expect Snow White to be chill about being reunited with us, and all."
"I understand, and thank you, Commander. I understand that this is all confidential and not to be discussed between anyone but us two," the little strawberry blonde breathed, rising to her feet as she continued to stare at the pictures of herself, Joe, and Snow White from a century prior. She just remained like that for a long while, not saying anything.
Joe had been transfixed by all of the photos himself the night he'd received them, so he didn't move to rush her or anything. It was pretty damned overwhelming to consider-
"It's not fair," she quietly, forlornly noted, brows furrowed, eyes lidded, and her voice becoming so terribly small.
Shit, was it all hitting her at once? Was Rapi just barely compartmentalizing everything up to this moment, only to have the dam break at the end? Worriedly, Joe took a step towards her, ready to reach out and pull her into a comforting hug-
"Why do you get to know what so much of my body looks like, when I've never even gotten to see you so much as shirtless?" the stern-faced little Nikke asked, completely straight-faced and even-toned.
There was a very long pause as Joe's eyes went wide, he struggled to process what he'd just heard, and at once, got hit with a torrent of distant, fuzzy memories, or rather, impressions, of Red Hood… being aggressive.
Joe.exe stopped working, and he just stared blankly at Rapi, who continued to stare at the picture of herself from so many years prior, proudly standing as tall as her diminutive form would allow in a very revealing outfit. Rapi… Rapi was straight-laced to a fault. Red Hood was kind of a rabble-rousing idiot according to Andersen and Mustang, but her Mind Switch had completely changed her personality, killing and burying her previous explosive personality dead…
…Right? Was...
Was Red Hood still in there?
Suddenly, gently setting the pictures down on the couch she'd been sitting on, Rapi faced Joe and gave him an acknowledging nod. "I understand that this topic couldn't have been easy to broach. Thank you for trying to be considerate of me during it, Commander. For now, I'd like to be left alone for the rest of the day unless my presence is strictly necessary. You've… Given me a lot to think about, and I'd appreciate being allowed to do so in peace."
Saluting once, she then followed up with another declaration.
"I'll be ready for more tomorrow, Commander. I promise I won't let you down."
With that, she about-faced and left the room, departing with no aplomb and leaving Joe all by his lonesome to just…
"Ayo, what the fuck!?" The displaced Canuck cried out to his empty room in reply to Rapi's blatantly horny complaint.
Chapter 39 - Peel the Bandage
===
Anis was furious when Joe laid down the law and firmly declared that she would clean up after herself as she made a mess, or she'd clean the entire damned building herself at the end of the week. However, Joe had seniority over her, and wasn't afraid to pull rank the moment someone started up on their bullshit. Joe wasn't going to be living like no pig - doubly so when Liter pressed the issue and everyone found out at the same time that there were no cleaning supplies in the building.
To say that Joe was unamused would be an understatement. Liter appreciated it when the base Commander immediately put in a request to actually get supplies on hand. Given that he didn't want to badger Ingrid with something so small on top of everything else he bugged her about, and the fact that Mustang had just told Joe to call him for help about stuff too… Well, Mustang was eager to accommodate, and thus assured him that what he'd need would be there in short order.
So, given how everything seemed to be working out, after relaying that everyone would be sending their equipment to Elysion to be retrofitted for logistical sanity, Joe retreated to his office to go through the catalogue of military equipment for the upcoming operation.
No points for guessing how Anis reacted to learning that Counters had been named an Elysion Tyrant Breaker squad.
With the suggestion that they might need Arctic warfare gear, Joe looked into what was available - and was somewhat put-off by the lack of wool insulation. Everything was artificially insulated, which, admittedly, made sense. The Ark probably didn't keep sheep on hand for shearing. So, Joe had to assume that everything he could get would be of sub-par quality compared to what he'd have gone with back in the day, having grown up in the region.
Then he found out about the Coldsuits. Form-fitting, specially tailored extreme conditions bodysuits meant to tightly hug the wearer's body to accommodate overwear, and incorporating highly advanced artificial insulation and powered warming tech alongside body waste recycling systems. These were rated for down to negative forty-degrees Celsius/Fahrenheit entirely on their own - to say nothing of the fact that they were meant to be worn under regular insulating layers at that.
In other words: Joe's greatest dream as a far northern country boy come true. Buying one of these for Rapi, Anis, and Neon each along with one for himself would make them exponentially more survivable in such conditions for extended periods of time. Not just soldiers, but search and rescue officers, explorers, Hell, just survivalists would have given their firstborns for form-fitting insulating undersuits like these. He'd obviously double up with traditional insulated winter wear instead of trying to Solid Snake his way through the Arctic with his cleanly-defined cheeks clapping majestically out in the wind, but holy shit.
Coldsuits were expensive, but checking their current funds and expenses: they could afford the four they'd need to outfit Rapi, Anis, and Neon as well as himself. If they had to pay for their own weapons and ammo, it might be a different story, but Ingrid was taking care of them in that regard. Thus, they'd be having those. Luckily, as the girl's measurements were already known, alongside Joe's - it wasn't like his actual Officer's uniform was off the rack - he just had to put in the orders, and forward offers to the girls to have them customized if they wanted such ahead of time, given that Elysion allowed for that via cooperation with Tetra Line.
So, if they wound up deployed to the Arctic, they'd be just fucking fine.
Once all that was done, Joe was left feeling surprisingly good about whatever operation might come next. They'd be equipped for Chatterbox if they ran into it, they'd be dressed to shrug off Arctic environmental conditions if current predictions for Snow White's apparent path towards the Yukon stayed true…
With that all done, Joe sent in an inquiry regarding vehicles. ATV's or Snowmobiles would go a long way towards getting around an Arctic environment easily. Or even better, a Snowcat - but that'd be a possibility to cover presumably another day.
Thus, the Commander of the Outpost was left considering other things… namely, the fact that he needed to bring Rapi up to speed on the whole 'Red Hood' thing.
That… wasn't going to be fun. And he wasn't even sure how exactly to begin to cover it. As Ingrid said, the sooner they started, the better, given that they could be deployed at a moment's notice, and they didn't want Rapi being confronted with the Goddess stuff by Snow White out in the field. But, man…
Sitting in silence for a time, eventually, Joe just let out a heavy sigh. It'd probably be best to just… get her into his office, and figure it out.
So, he called Rapi in. Feeling no small amount of pressure build up in the back of his head, he stood up and paced about a bit before she arrived.
"Commander," Rapi's voice alerted him to her arrival, not having noticed the door automatically slide open as she stepped in. "We need to talk?" she began.
After taking a breath to centre himself, Joe strode over to the paired couches set directly across from each other, and motioned for Rapi to take a seat. She did so, keeping a stern expression all the while, continuing to stare at him expectantly.
"...This is about the… Pilgrim, we encountered during the Chatterbox incident," Joe started, doing his best to feel out the direction the conversation should go in. "It-"
Rapi's expression became resigned. She averted her gaze, lightly sighing through her nostrils. "...Commander," she started, only to visibly hesitate and halt. "...I knew that this topic wasn't one I could avoid for long. But I still don't know how to even begin addressing it…" Grimacing, the tiny woman continued. "She recognized both of us. She went berserk when Chatterbox threatened both of us. As much as I didn't want to have to address this… I don't remember her, Commander. And I don't remember you either."
Blinking owlishly, Joe recalled at once… that, yeah, he'd tried to talk to her about this already, and she deflected, just ignored the part where Snow White had recognized him as well. That, in fairness, brought up a whole load of bizarre questions that he wouldn't have been able to even begin to sort out without the knowledge provided by the other members of the conspiracy. How would she have even started to figure that out?
"...Do we need to talk about this, Commander?" Rapi asked, very clearly uncomfortable with the topic of discussion.
As much as Joe would like to not have to push the matter… "Our next slated operation is to track down and make contact with the Pilgrim: Snow White," he noted with some degree of remorse. "We're on call, in fact. We're deploying the very moment she's been spotted and we know where she is."
The way Rapi suddenly looked as though she was bearing a boulder upon her shoulders made him feel all the worse, but… "...Okay," she just weakly acknowledged the statement. "Then… go on. Rip off the bandage."
Taking in the sight of the ruby-eyed little Goddess, Joe sighed and shook his head. "The point of addressing this is to minimize the risk of you experiencing a Mind Switch," he noted. "So, no. It would be best to pick at this as gradually as we can afford to, rather than… throwing a metaphorical hatchet at your head without warning."
The tension in the room could be cut with a knife. Rapi's discomfort was plain to see, and he didn't like putting her through this, but this was ultimately necessary.
"Then…" Rapi all but breathed out her reply. "Where do we start?"
After a moment of consideration, Joe replied. "Ask me questions. Whatever comes to mind, whatever you think won't be too much all at once."
The silence that followed was palpable. Rapi wouldn't look directly at Joe, fidgeting about where she was seated, mind going a mile a minute. "...How do you know me?" she started. "Or, rather… how did we know each other?"
"I was your Commander," Joe answered matter-of-factually, just answering the question on the face of it rather than getting lost in the weeds that she wasn't asking about.
That visibly confused Rapi, to say the least. "...But, that doesn't…" she trailed off, looking at Joe like he was crazy. She stared for a few long moments before speaking up again. "...Do you have proof?" She asked bluntly.
To that, Joe responded by nodding. "I have old physical photos from back then," he answered. "Photos of us, and our old squad, including Snow White."
That caught the black-clad Nikke off-guard, eyes going wide as she lightly recoiled at the reciprocal bluntness of his statement. "...From… when," her voice became somewhat shaky. "From when I was Red Hood?"
Joe nodded. Just answer what was asked, don't get lost in the sauce.
"...Would you let me see them?" She inquired.
"If you think that would be a good idea," Joe stated simply.
Hands balling into fists, Rapi was visibly conflicted, eyes narrowing as she considered Joe's words. "...I want proof," she demanded. "I want to see hard proof before I put any stock into what you're saying. I want to see these photos you claim to have."
Well, if she wanted to see them… rising to his feet, Joe moved for the hidden safe Andersen had pointed out to him previously. It was exposed, visibly catching Rapi by surprise, and quickly enough, he had the photos that had been left in his possession in hand. He shuffled through them, and… flipped all those that featured anyone other than himself, Red Hood, and Snow White around. Returning to the couches, he stood before Rapi for a moment before declaring: "There's a lot fucking more than just you and me in the photos I turned around," he declared as he presented the first face-up picture to her; the one featuring Red Hood draped over his shoulders and trying to steal his food from him. "I'd advise not looking at the rest just yet."
Rapi froze at the sight. Hand partially outstretched, her lips parted and eyes wide. At once, she very clearly recognized herself. Gingerly taking the bundle of Polaroids, she just stared at the first quietly.
After a few moments, Joe returned to his seat across from Rapi, and waited, giving her as much time as she needed.
And take her time Rapi did. She just took in the sight of… Red Hood; herself. Unquestionably herself, with Joe. It was a good few minutes before she progressed onto the next picture, letting out a small, shuddering breath of acknowledgement. "Ah… I see… that's… her, then." The picture of Red Hood holding a little Snow White in a headlock. Joe knew because he'd deliberately arranged the face-up pictures as he had. "It's… it's real. This is real…" her voice hitched, remaining fixated on the photos. "You… you're…"
Silence. Joe would just let her work through this as gradually as she needed to. Simple as.
"...So…" she started hesitantly. "You know… about, how I can…?" She asked as she looked over the photos at Joe.
"The Exceed system?" Joe figured, given how her literally glowing red hair and golden eyes kind of stood out back then. "Yes."
Rapi looked overwhelmed, but not ruinously so. Taking a deep breath, she continued. "...When?" she inquired. "When were you my Commander?"
"That's more of a loaded question than you probably think it is," Joe answered plainly.
"...Please," Rapi spoke up again, almost pleading. "Just… Please, answer me."
The tone of voice she took on was… damned heartbreaking. She wanted answers, and was clearly not above begging for them. Joe didn't want to make Rapi beg, and so, with a heavy sigh… "I don't want to rip off the bandage, because that's what answering that question accurately would amount to, but… if you're sure, I'll tell you."
"Please," Rapi reiterated her plea, making Joe feel all the worse.
Fuck.
"...During the Initial Rapture Invasion," Joe answered grimly. "I was your Commander during the Initial Rapture Invasion."
Rapi went completely still, staring at Joe in blank uncomprehending silence. She looked at the photos again, almost turned the bundle over to look at those Joe had deliberately reversed so she wouldn't be exposed to too much at once… "That… was a century ago," she noted dryly. "You expect me to believe-"
"I've been in stasis," Joe noted bluntly. "It's why there was no information on me that held up to scrutiny when I was sent out to take command of yourself and Anis. I'd just been pulled out of cryo, and didn't have a complete backstory concocted for me yet."
Rapi's eyes flitted about momentarily, her mind going a mile a minute. "You… aren't a Commander Corps graduate, are you?"
"Never even set foot in the building," Joe replied with a small shrug.
"...That explains a lot," Rapi admitted, her expression growing increasingly unreadable. "I actually believe that. You're too competent to be a Commander Corps officer…"
Joe couldn't help but let out a small snort, which he immediately attempted to suppress as he placed a hand over his mouth to mask his grin.
Rapi made no such attempt, clearly finding some measure of satisfaction in his reaction to her assessment. Joe was grateful for that small moment of levity. He didn't enjoy seeing Rapi so intense, and her smiles, however small, however rare, were wonderful.
However, the moment had to pass, and the little Goddess of Victory looked to Joe again, expression falling again. "...If we were there, during the IRI… Who are we?" She inquired. "Who am I, to be so important that instead of being decommissioned when I… did what I did, I was told to continue to serve in atonement," she alluded to the attack on the Central Government HQ, which she didn't have the whole picture of, "Who are you, a Commander that served during the initial invasion, to be sealed away for nearly a century afterwards… and for us to be reunited as a permanent squad that defies Nikke and Commander norms? Continuously given such ruinously dangerous missions, to be put under the direct command of Elysion's CEO, to be shown such blatant favouritism even from Tetra Line's CEO?"
Well… he supposed it was time to finish peeling off that particular bandage… "You're Red Hood, a Grimms model Nikke of Goddess Squad, one of the most powerful ever created, one of the Goddesses of Victory that held the line against the Rapture invasion, and gave mankind the opportunity it needed to create and seal the Ark in its darkest hour."
Rapi didn't overtly respond to that declaration, just staring blankly at Joe in response.
Lightly sighing, Joe figured he should just get the bandage off already. "And I'm-"
"The Legendary Commander," Rapi said, no small amount of awe present in her voice. "You're… and I'm…" her voice trailed off. Evidently, Joe being the Legendary Commander said everything that needed to be said in of itself. "Then, the Pilgrim, Snow White, is a member of Goddess too…" She deduced, looking at the picture of her roughhousing little Snow White. "...I suppose that Ingrid and Mustang both know, then?" she asked.
"Them, and Andersen," Joe declared. "They've all been pulling the strings behind the scenes to support us as best they can, without outing our identities to the Ark, and especially the Central Government, at large."
Rapi stared at the photo for a few long moments before speaking up again. "...Why is it being kept a secret?" she asked. "Why… Why are they hiding who we are from the Central Government?"
Shit, would revealing that much be too much just now? Joe figured that he should push that particular bit of information back over potentially explosively overwhelming Rapi. "It would be bad if they found out who we were," he declared. "For now… I think it'd be best if we left elaboration on that matter for another day."
"...I understand," Rapi acknowledged the suggestion and didn't press the issue. "...Wait, if you're the Legendary Commander, then, you founded the Commander Corps-"
Joe just scoffed derisively at that assertion. "No I did not," he firmly declared. "And every moment those worthless curs gallivant about, declaring themselves to follow in our footsteps fills me with intense shame and disgust." The man made no attempt to mask his disdain for the Commander Corps. Every single thing he'd seen of them was horrible, and he hated the entire organization more and more with each passing day.
There was a long, pregnant pause, Rapi stared at Joe wordlessly again… before she looked aside into the void out of the corner of her eyes, a wonderful, vindictive little smile finding purchase on her features. "I see," was all she said, despite being very visibly pleased by his declaration. "That's good to know."
Unsurprisingly, Rapi seemed to have little to no respect for the Commander Corps of the Central Government. Hearing that damning declaration from the Legendary Commander himself was very likely just about the most vindicating thing she'd ever heard in her life.
After a few moments in which Rapi just exalted in that particular revelation, she took a deep breath, letting out a heavy sigh through her nostrils. "Commander… can we leave this topic as it is, for now? I… this is a lot to think about, just as it is."
"Yeah, we can put off the rest for another day," Joe declared as he rose to his feet. "We just… didn't want you to have to wrestle with all of this out in the field. We don't expect Snow White to be chill about being reunited with us, and all."
"I understand, and thank you, Commander. I understand that this is all confidential and not to be discussed between anyone but us two," the little strawberry blonde breathed, rising to her feet as she continued to stare at the pictures of herself, Joe, and Snow White from a century prior. She just remained like that for a long while, not saying anything.
Joe had been transfixed by all of the photos himself the night he'd received them, so he didn't move to rush her or anything. It was pretty damned overwhelming to consider-
"It's not fair," she quietly, forlornly noted, brows furrowed, eyes lidded, and her voice becoming so terribly small.
Shit, was it all hitting her at once? Was Rapi just barely compartmentalizing everything up to this moment, only to have the dam break at the end? Worriedly, Joe took a step towards her, ready to reach out and pull her into a comforting hug-
"Why do you get to know what so much of my body looks like, when I've never even gotten to see you so much as shirtless?" the stern-faced little Nikke asked, completely straight-faced and even-toned.
There was a very long pause as Joe's eyes went wide, he struggled to process what he'd just heard, and at once, got hit with a torrent of distant, fuzzy memories, or rather, impressions, of Red Hood… being aggressive.
Joe.exe stopped working, and he just stared blankly at Rapi, who continued to stare at the picture of herself from so many years prior, proudly standing as tall as her diminutive form would allow in a very revealing outfit. Rapi… Rapi was straight-laced to a fault. Red Hood was kind of a rabble-rousing idiot according to Andersen and Mustang, but her Mind Switch had completely changed her personality, killing and burying her previous explosive personality dead…
…Right? Was...
Was Red Hood still in there?
Suddenly, gently setting the pictures down on the couch she'd been sitting on, Rapi faced Joe and gave him an acknowledging nod. "I understand that this topic couldn't have been easy to broach. Thank you for trying to be considerate of me during it, Commander. For now, I'd like to be left alone for the rest of the day unless my presence is strictly necessary. You've… Given me a lot to think about, and I'd appreciate being allowed to do so in peace."
Saluting once, she then followed up with another declaration.
"I'll be ready for more tomorrow, Commander. I promise I won't let you down."
With that, she about-faced and left the room, departing with no aplomb and leaving Joe all by his lonesome to just…
"Ayo, what the fuck!?" The displaced Canuck cried out to his empty room in reply to Rapi's blatantly horny complaint.
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S T 0 |2 M
I trust you know where the happy button is?
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Well then, thats a heavy thing to drop on Rapi's lap.
palacesound
Hunt Type Poster
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Red Hood's first out-of-EXCEED communication after hundreds of years: Bratty commander! Get naked get naked get naked
IncognitoTBD
Not too sore, are you?
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Anis is going to blow a basket over this, holy shit. Her worldview is going to be ripped apart, toss into the fire, and scattered to the four winds when she finds out.
Anis: Wait, Rapi can get horny?! Since when?! What did Joe do to you?!
Anis: Wait, Rapi can get horny?! Since when?! What did Joe do to you?!
Slamm-O
I trust you know where the happy button is?
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Joe is like catnip to Nikkes?
Slamm-O
I trust you know where the happy button is?
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I think Ingrid has a recording of Joe, Mustang and Andersen flexing send it to the Counters.
SongNai145
Not too sore, are you?
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I'm almost curious to find out whether the recent valentine event inspired such heavy Privaty influence and screentime and this future promise will ensure even more, ESPECIALLY, if we get the maid outfit as a date or if this was planned beforehand.
Because fuck yes we want more.
From tsundere to kuudere to just deredere. If Joe ain't getting a pulverized pelvis at some point I'm gonna be mad on behalf of my boi.
Vicentehuerta777dragon
I trust you know where the happy button is?
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I love every scene with rapi
Ace of Scarabs
Polish my soul gem, you reprobrate~
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(Rapi's hair burns red and her horned antennae flash back into existence)
Red Hood: Since the good old days
Vicentehuerta777dragon
I trust you know where the happy button is?
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Anis: WHAT THE FUCK!?!!(Rapi's hair burns red and her horned antennae flash back into existence)
Red Hood: Since the good old days
Dasneaky
I trust you know where the happy button is?
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I see some1 has watched the Max0r solid snake video I approve