OverMaster's Little Crummy Corner of Sub-Par Writing

[OverMaster]

How Jason Todd Lives Should Go.

The Joker stopped before he could swing the crowbar all the way.

"Ohmigosh," he said. "What am I even doing."

Jason blinked. "Huh?"

Joker looked at his hands. "These hands once built a giant teddy bear to rob the First Gotham Bank. These were once the hands of a genius, an inventor, an artist. Now I'm about to pummel a child like a brute. Where did my finesse go? Even the Riddler can do better than that! I'm reduced to a thug, a cheap crook with no imagination..."

"Also, you're about to kill a child," one of his henchmen told him.

"SHUT UP!" Joker shouted. "It's not even about that, it's about how low I've fallen!" He paused. "Okay, I guess some people would see THAT part as falling too."

"If it's any consolation, it's not your fault, Boss, it's the Batman's for bringing a child into a dangerous war against psychos like us."

"True, true," Joker said, nodding slowly. After a few moments, Jason nodded quickly as well, with very wide eyes.

They all looked at each other.

—-

The Batman walked into the warehouse. "ROBIN! Robin, I'm here, you don't need to—!"

Joker, Jason and the henchmen dropped on him and began pummeling away.

 

[wellis]

Yeah Batman has a problem with bringing teenagers into crazy fights against crime.

 

[OverMaster]

Elevator Action.

The elevator's doors opened, and Asuka winced. Rei and Chisame were standing in there.

Asuka still walked in, and the doors closed after her.

The elevator began going down.

The elevator kept on going down.

The elevator kept on going down.

The elevator kept on going down.

The elevator kept on going down.

The elevator kept on going down.

The elevator kept on going down.

The elevator kept on going down.

The elevator kept on going down.

The elevator kept on going down.

The elevator kept on going down.

The elevator kept on going down.

The elevator kept on going down.

"Boy, this thing is slow," Chisame said awkwardly.

The elevator kept on going down.

The elevator kept on going down.

The elevator kept on going down.

The elevator kept on going down.

The elevator kept on going down.

The elevator kept on going down.

The elevator kept on going down.

The elevator kept on going down.

The elevator kept on going down.

"The EVA won't move if you don't open your heart," Rei said quietly.

"You're saying it's my fault?!" Asuka roared.

"Yes," Rei replied.

"So I'm blocking myself?!" Asuka said. "

"Yes," Rei said.

"Do you think it's just like moving a big toy!?" Asuka said.

"If you think that, then you don't know," Rei said.

"Hah!" Asuka scoffed. "Now I know something's up, when Wonder Girl starts talking to me!"

"It could be worse," Chisame deadpanned, pointing up at Zazie, who was hanging upside down from a rail on the elevator's ceiling, juggling seven balls.

Asuka looked up for a moment, winced, then kept on ranting at Rei. "What's up? Are you happy I'm having trouble with my Eva now? Well, don't worry, because when the next Angel comes, our invincible Shinji will destroy it, and we little girls won't need to fight anymore, they only need that pathetic Shinji!"

Chisame began pressing the buttons by the door kind of desperately.

"I thought it was bad when Shinji was nice, but when an emotionless wind-up doll like you starts being sympathetic I'm doomed!" Asuka ranted.

"I am not a doll," Rei whispered.

"You are!" Asuka said. "You'd kill yourself if the Commander told you to, wouldn't y--"

Zazie dropped from the ceiling on Asuka's head, knocking her out and down.

She stopped juggling the balls just as the doors opened.

Very quietly, she and Rei shared a fist bump, then left.

Chisame looked at the unconscious Asuka, sighed, and activated her Pactio card.

---

Asuka ate dinner furiously while Negi and Chamo stared at her in disturbed uneasiness. Silently, they glared at Chisame, who shrugged in exasperation.

Satomi ate without a concern in the world. "By the way, Katsuragi-san just called, she wanted to know if you'd--"

"SHUT UP AND PASS THE SAUCE!" Asuka said.

 

[OverMaster]

Fate Route: Ending.

"I must go now," Saber told Shirou while vanishing. "My Avalon needs me."

Saber died on the way to her Avalon.

 

[OverMaster]

The Wedding Proposal.

"Rito-san, I want you to keep this, please," Negi said, handing Rito a tiny box.

Rito blinked, opened it, and gasped at the ring inside.

Negi cleared his throat and fixed his tie. "I'm doing this because you are trustworthy, and loyal, and a good friend, and you'd never--"

Negi trailed off, looking at Rito again, and then concluded blandly: "-- let Chisame or any of the other girls find it or look at it before I arrange my proper proposal to her, of course."

Riko, with the Pai Pai Rocket-kun by her side and a wedding gown suddenly on her, gulped. "How bad, I mean, what a relief!"

 

[wellis]

Alas, any hopes for a yaoi marriage proposal between harem protagonists there was dashed, to every girl's relief

 

[OverMaster]

Type Moon Writing Room Meeting.

"What are we doing with our lives?" one of them asked.

The others looked at him.

He sighed. "I mean, we are writing about the swimsuit alternate universe version of a XVIIth century revolutionary who was fused with an ancient Summerian god, but they are a girl with kitty ears who offers you chocolate because you were nice to her. And that's what we do all the time. Try explaining that to an average person without creeping them away. I once dreamed of writing the Great Japanese Novel. A real story about real people in a real setting and facing real world problems."

The others kept on looking at him.

"You aren't living life correctly," he was chided.

So he lowered his head and fell into silence.

YOU have rolled for that Servant. YOU are at fault.

 

[OverMaster]

The History of my Life.

"People always disagree with everything, anything, I ever say," Chisame said.

She sighed. "And it's either that everyone but me is always wrong, in which case I'm doomed to live always surrounded by idiots so I might as well be wrong for all the difference it makes, or I'm actually always wrong, which is just as bad since I'm an idiot and doomed to live with that. Or half of each, and that's the worst of both worlds."

She looked at Negi. "What do you think?"

"I think you're wrong," Negi said amiably. "You're just exaggerating..."

"SEE, THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!"

 

[OverMaster]

Paranoia.

"Be very careful, will you, Shirou?" Taiga said, fixing his tie.

Shirou sighed. "Fuji-nee, it's just a formal date with Saber..."

"Shirou, let's be honest," Taiga frowned. "Time to address that elephant in the room! We know just being around Saber is risky. Do you think I haven't figured her deal out?"

Shirou gulped. "What do you mean...?"

"Her actual deal!" Taiga said. "Those people with foreign looks and names suddenly showing up all over the town!" She counted with her fingers and seethed. "Lancer, Rider, Caster, Saber, Archer! That can't be a coincidence, all those 'er' ending names and you know it!"

"But Saber is an old friend of Dad and you know that..."

"Exactly, and I'm not naive enough to ignore how Kiritsugu dealt with dangerous people! That's how he met Gramps after all!"

Taiga tightened a fist and roared, "They are all codenames and they are all spying for the Interpol on Gramps!"

Shirou blinked. "Eh!?"

"Not that I hold it against them," Taiga said, waving a hand, "that's just their job and Gramps can look after himself! He earned it too, it's not like he's an angel!"

Taiga turned around and fumed. "But they should have chosen a less obvious pattern if they wanted to be unconspicuous!"

And she stomped off the room.

True Assassin peeked in through the window behind Shirou, hanging upside down. "It's amusing, isn't it, how she missed the actual expert spy in our numbers?"

"Oh, shut up..." Shirou grumbled without looking back.

 

[OverMaster]

"Hey, Sonya," Johnny said. "I know I'm nosing in, but... why do you hate Kano so much anyway?"

"Cage," Liu Kang said tersely.

"I know you're supposed to capture him and all!" Cage went on. "But it's obviously a personal thing, and—"

"Cage," Liu Kang didn't raise his voice.

"No, listen, I know this isn't a walk in the park, I may not look it but that's my way of coping!" Johnny said. "Precisely because I know, if we're all together in this, we need to be fully honest and open with each other!"

Sonya sighed. "You're right, I should tell you. Everyone should know about the depths of his depravity..."

Liu Kang and Cage paid attention.

"It was several years ago, in a gala held by the Senate. You might have read about it, Cage," she said, her voice distant.

Johnny said "..." and then nodded, not quite fooling anyone.

"I was there. There were children, too. Many children. It was a gala for the future. The kind of symbol standing against all the Black Dragons stand for," Sonya brooded. "Kano and his men went through a back entrance and—"

Cage gulped.

"And they stole forty cakes!" Sonya roared.

"... what," Johnny said.

"?" Liu Kang said.

Sonya tightened her fist and punched the ground. "It was terrible!"

"Uhhhh... Sonya, now, why is that, what did they even do after that, because it's not—" Johnny tried to say.

"The cakes were for the children!" Sonya shouted.

Johnny and Kang looked at each other, then shrugged and went back to eating in silence.

Sonya raised her fist. "I barely can wait to pull a Fatality on that son of a—!"

 

[wellis]

Kano channeled his inner Lex Luthor

I hated the blatant evil character change retcon done on Sindel in one of the later Mortal Kombat games.

 

[OverMaster]

Go, go, Proper Human History Paladins!

Saber Blue!

"For the honor of Camelot!"

Rider Red!

"Heroism is a part of conquest as well, is it not?"

Caster Purple!

"Heroine of the Mahatma!"

Berserker Black!

"RRRRRRTHRRRRRRRRR!"

Lancer Yellow!

"Who are you calling a coward!?"

Archer Golden!

"Too important to show up, mongrels!"

They stood before the bomb.

"Oh, no!" Saber Blue said. "Professor Matou left this device, primed to explode in seven seconds!"

"I could deactivate it," Caster Purple said, "if I only had some more time."

Rider Red stepped ahead and pulled his blade out. "Fear not! I shall solve this riddle..."

He swung down. "JUST LIKE I SOLVED THAT OF THE GORDIAN KNOT! AH HA HA HA HA!"

"Wait, n--!" Saber Blue said.

BOOM.

They floated around the clouds with halos on their heads.

"It so worked that time," Rider Red hummed and shrugged.

---

Archer Golden picked the henshin tokens from the burning rubble. "Noble teammates!" he swore. "I will honor your legacy! Just like it fits your status!"

He walked past an empty lot where Nero, Mordred, Musashi, Sakata Kintoki and Blackbeard were playing ball and casually threw the tokens aside. "Do with these as you wish!" he said and doubled the corner without any care in the world.

Nero picked one of the tokens and smiled.

 

[OverMaster]

The Allure of the Mature Woman.

"Shinji!" Asuka stormed into the room where the boy, Rei and Mari were playing videogames. "I've got proof about Makinami!"

Shinji blinked. "Proof?"

Asuka shoved some sheets on his face. "She's an old hag! She is actually old enough to be your mom!"

Shinji took the sheets and began reading.

"In truth she WENT TO SCHOOL with your mom!" Asuka crowed.

Shinji looked widely at Mari, who put on a kittenish smile and shrugged.

Shinji hugged her and began kissing.

Asuka's jaw dropped.

"You don't know anything about the fetishes of men who lacked mother figures all life long, do you?" Rei said quietly.

Asuka picked her jaw back up. "I guess I do now."

Rei slapped the back of her head. "And now, you ruined it for me, too."

 

[OverMaster]

In their search for Street Fighters to recruit, Guile and Chun Li approached Blanka's dock, where the local was fighting E. Honda.

"This breaks my suspension of disbelief," Chun Li said.

"What's so weird about a green skinned mutant shooting electricity versus a Kabuki Yokozuna?" Guile smiled.

Chun Li pointed at the tree. "I mean that! A giant anaconda so close to so many villagers and nobody's killing it!"

"They aren't even freaking out, and there are children standing right there," Guile agreed with a hum.

The snake looked at the camera. "Yeah, what's about that anyway?"

The anaconda will return as a DLC for the next season of Street Fighter 6. Stay tuned!