The important part there is "Usually 'mythic'". Yes, you can substitute 'mythical', but it is an irregular and awkward use of the word.
For two words to be synonyms only requires that their definitions intersect. It does not mean that the two words are interchangeable in all circumstances.
Again, a very nice touch. Of course the moving pictures would try to escape being burned. That's the sort of setting element that few people would think of on their own, yet make perfect sense once proposed.
"OK".
I'd think that it's the carbonation that would stand out the most to her. Other than that, it's just as sweet drink.
Obstacles can be counted.
Missing comma.
Works better as one sentence, I think.
"Snitch" has a very strong negative connotation, but Dumbledore things of these "snitches" as good and helpful, so he wouldn't use that word.
That's one heck of a way to introduce Aberforth.
Perhaps I should have phrased my argument better. It's not that Dumbledore particularly likes these people. It's that he likes that they are his "snitches". That means that he would not refer to the activity in question using a word with negative connotations. If you want to have him express personal distaste for these informers, then you could write something like "Moody knew some unsavory types who knew things, as did Kingsley." (This might not be the best possible sentence, but you get the idea: separate Dumbledore's dislike of these people from these people's roles in providing information that is useful to him.)
Maybe put ellipsis there, then?
I don't think cops speak of "snitches", unless they are referring to a fellow cop who informs on them to the Internal Affairs. I don't think "snitches" or "snitching" are ever used neutrally or positively.
How about a semicolon, then?
Cops tend to use the abbreviation CI (for "Confidential Informant").
Regrettably, that doesn't really help. 'Legendary' has two relevant definitions: 'existing only in legend' ('the legendary King Arthur', and 'of great fame and stature; worthy of legend' ('the legendary Wayne Gretzky'). Since, again, Fawkes clearly exists, it suggests that he is personally famous. Which is an amusing idea - there are a number of fics which make Hedwig into a famous character of some sort, but I've never seen one for Fawkes - but probably not what you were going for.
Some do. You're right that the word choice does reveal the speaker's perspective, but a person's perspective isn't necessarily the same as their allegiance or actions. So some cops would use the term 'snitch' for informants - though not to their face - and those would be the cops who disapprove of snitching. They might well still use and encourage snitches, because it's necessary to get the job done, but it is a clue that, in their own private thoughts, they consider these people the worse for having betrayed their own side even if it was the wrong one, rather than better for having helped the Good Guys.
'Wondrous' is the one you want, then.
'Should have been'.
This is a really awkward place to end the chapter. Feels like it got cut off mid-paragraph.
I could add "He told himself again that he couldn't have the boy killed right then, or it would upset his plans. But the same was true for an attempt to learn the full prophecy - if it was discovered, it might alert his old foe about his return."
That's... not quite what I mean? I'm sorry, its is a fuzzy concept, and I'm not entirely sure how to state it. But scenes in general, and especially one at the end of a chapter, need to end on something dynamic - an action, or a resolution, or at least an ominous trail-off. Ending with enclosed musings like that makes the thing feel unfinished - like it just drifted off, rather than coming to a definite end. So something like:
Or:
Or:
Or even just:
Unnecessary. At least delete "various".
"friendly" is an adjective, and you need an adverb.
Generally, contractions in the narrative (as opposed to speech or writing) aren't a good idea.
Too wordy. Perhaps "Yes. Another war is coming."
Unnecessary. We can infer his tone and attitude from his words. Alternatively, use a visual cue (e.g., "with a sneer").
Hermione: So, if, purely hypothetically, of course, someone --- certainly not me --- would want to put tracking and communication tattoos on their minions, she should make them as inconspicuous as possible?
I thought "then again" was a fixed expression, without a comma between the words. At least according to my dictionary.
Well, you go through some individual wizards and their backgrounds. That should convey that well enough.
In that case, perhaps "worse than most would think"? "One" is too abstract and general.
Y'know, if you didn't know that Voldemort was back, the "lone gunman" theory is by far the most plausible one. And, it was Dumbledore who chose to not inform the Ministry (albeit with good reason).
Perhaps, but I recall the sentence being generally awkward as well. I suggest taking another look and possibly rewording.
Maybe. The important thing is to make sure that it's clear that it's Pansy's impression, and not the writer editorializing.
I know. Just another Dark Lady Granger joke.
Show, Don't Tell
I think you've got the cause and effect switched: he doesn't think they're incompetent because they don't know about Voldemort, he decided not to warn them about Voldemort because he already believed they were incompetent.
The question is, who is this "one" who is less well informed than Aberforth? An average British wizard? An average Hog's Head patron? An average Ministry employee?
That implies that the whole WB will be fighting against an external threat, but the threat is internal. I think "at war" instead of "fighting a war" would work better.