| User | Total |
|---|---|
| HypoSoc | 3 |
Good idea.
You are correct. But, as a hint, that interlude focuses on Phobos V.
The forum was a chaotic mess of activity, market stalls of various sizes lining the edges, selling wares of all shapes and sizes. Groups clamored around the popular ones with no care for the space they took, and yet the people easily flitted about to and from their destinations with hardly an obstruction. Ahead he saw a grand palanquin, near the size of a hut on its lonesome, travel without issue through the crowded street, the populace easy parting around it and its eight stone-faced bearers like a creek around a boulder.
The carriage, likewise, moved steadily as people flowed out of the way of the horses. The clip was far slower than it had been on the rough country country roads, but he could hardly begrudge it. Not when there was so much to see.
Chapter one, a few paragraphs down, you doubled a word. Shame on you trying to inflate your word count HypoSoc.
I'm looking forward to more of this, although it does make me despair of a new Polyhistor update before December.
I do have a question though. I get that this is Von Graft's gladiator world and he rules as its God-Emperor. Is the Princeps in the story Von Graft himself? Because that means 'Prince'. So I'm wondering if he just goes by that title regardless of whether it truly fits, or if that's one of Von Graft's children or something.
The emperors of Rome were not originally called "Imperator" as that was a title for specific military command.
The Latin word for king was "Rex." But that was a very dirty word in the Roman zeitgeist, as their nationalistic identity included the overthrowing of the Tyrant King Tarquinius Superbus as much as it did being founded by Romulus.
Definitely nitpicky, but that is precisely the sort of bullcrap I support around here.
*trainer
Contraptions
Technically correct, but I think you meant Arena, not area.
Fanfare
Either Arena or Area
First bit, you've got the tenses off, think you meant "cycled" or "was (mentally) cycling". Second, looks like there's a missing word, maybe "tight"?
The
I'm going to take "first years" as end of first year. Because even novice gladiators are highly athletic individuals with combat training, which is more than the average Polyhistor applicant. But you are right that the students would be deadlier. Far different circumstances that promote different behaviors (regulated one on one dueling for an audience vs survival at any cost). That is not even getting into the fact that Polyhistor has far better resources in regards to magical knowledge.
17ish, so younger than most students.
I ran into a number of blockers (artist fell through, no such with musician, irritating formatting issues) and came to the conclusion that it would be easier to work on a regular novel first (this one has been in the works for a while) than to try with a visual novel.
I can answer questions about this, if you want, as it is not exactly a spoiler for the story in a vacuum. But I encourage you to speculate.
Daxton is a gimmick fighter with a very good gimmick for his niche. He dominates anyone who cannot overcome him, and flounders against the elites who can.
Von Graft is Charley's contemporary, almost as old as the Thaumaturgical League itself.
It's not something I think will be directly addressed in the story, since this is meant to be a stand alone, but...
You can generally assumed that nobody uses Hydromancy.
The elixir trade is a government run industry. But that doesn't stop back alley dealers from making their own supply.
Fights are pretty easy to follow but two of them(against Geoffrey and in bar) were fairly boring. That said it's less issue with your writing in general and more that Stas cares mostly about quality of fight and nothing else. It makes him different compared to Mikelle with whom i've not felt any sense of boredom even when things are extremely lopsided. That doesn't mean that Stas is a bad character but his singleminded focus is a bit annoying for me personally.
The fights have been well written, well paced, and easy to follow, but so far they've read less like fights and more like character pieces. The most interesting thing about each fight scene is all the parts around the fight (in this chapter, as vali said, it's that there was a fight at all). If that keeps up, and we keep learning NEW things about Stas, it'll be fine. If we don't, then...well you're writing so it'll still be good, but Stas (so far) is no Mikelle.