Chapter 11: Autosave
d.fish
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Chapter 11
… But it wasn't to be. Even though a human was almost fifty percent larger than a murloc, this one was perhaps a mutant murloc and it was twice the size of Daelin Proudmoore. That was to say, only half of its body was still stuck to the ship—the rest of it, including its limbs, were somewhere in the watery depths (or inside a different murloc's stomach, Jaina thought they ate each other, which might not be too off mark). The upper section of its skull was large enough to cover my head and then some, making it a rather leathery hood instead.
To be honest, I thought we looked rather cool, like a Sith in those flashy, shooty, swordy dramatic reenactments of wars in space that us Americans love so much. But Jaina just never stopped whining, "Ew. Ew, ew, ew. It smells like fish guts in here!"
"It is fish guts in here," I rolled our eyes and pushed away a bit of murloc lips out of our eyes.
"These sleeves are too big."
"They are not sleeves, they're supposed to be the mantelet," I grumbled.
"We already have a cape," Jaina pointed out.
I sighed again, "Damn it, it's fashion, it doesn't have to make sense!"
"Oh."
And 'Oh' was right, because I thought it looked awesome, so that was the way we were going. It was sort of like the cape-cloak that Medivh had in all those cut-scene cinematics, except with dragonhide and a murloc skin hood. Sure, the colors didn't quite match; the cloak itself was more of a pea green because of the prolonged soak the leathers had. The hood itself was was puke orange, with mustard yellow tentacle-spikes sticking out of it.
Jaina poked one of those tentacle-spikes and wondered, "What purpose do these fulfill, I wonder? Do you suppose it's for sensory purposes?"
"Eh." I shrugged. "Don't touch that. I've seen enough Japanese animation to know where that's going."
"Wha...?"
"I understand this is a new experience for you, but we're less than five minutes away from a possible life or death struggle. Do you really want to ponder on the mysteries of life now?" Because the moment she started focusing on it, I had the most uncontrollable urge to tug on one of those hardened tendrils.
They were thin as fingers and spiked on the end, no doubt with mild poisons like a jelly fish's tentacles. I knew the look of them; their brightly colored, almost translucent, pigmentation were definitely a way to ward off larger predators. After all, why have murlocs, who had bred so much that they were considered the possums and rats of Kul Tiras, not been farmed for food, if they were not poisonous?
Perhaps the answer lied in that they were mostly bone and sinew, hard to chew and harder to cut cleanly. It was only with Finn's rather sharp and heavily enchanted long blade that we were able to make short work of things and stitch it all together, with judicious application of tar and arcane magic and...
"Hey," Jaina poked me in the belly like one might do to the Pillsbury Doughboy mentally. "Are you pondering the mysteries of life... without me?"
She sounded vaguely upset.
"... No."
"There was a pause there. Why did you pause?" She pouted.
I really didn't want to get into this right now. After all, answering that I was just that socially awkward would only bring out more questions and cause her to question herself and thus cause us further delays in our development and... "Now is not the time, Jaina. Stop thinking so much!"
"Hmph."
There really wasn't any time to deal with her childish tantrum right now. I turned to our friends and commanded, "Look, murlocs are idiots when things don't go by script. So... Finn, get in that crate. Tinky, use that one. And Lorena, get the third one, I want you guys to form a semi-circle around me and turn any hostiles who charge at me into idiots who charged into a kill zone. Also, give me two harpoons."
"What's a kill zone?" Finn asked as she climbed into a box and handed me the sharp weapons that children definitely should run around with if they were being chased by murlocs.
Lorena added, "And, uh, you got some murloc eyes on your cheek over... ah, you got it. Okay, let me just grab a sword, two ticks... right, go ahead?" She didn't have a sword.
I handed her a wooden pole. A staff weapon was useful on any battlefield anyway. Tinky had smeared murloc guts all over her body and then added a layer of murloc guts. We decided to ignore her entirely for the moment. "... Right, just... just hide, alright?"
"... And wot're you gonna do?" Finn asked.
It seemed like a decent time to smirk. After all, there were many ways to game the system, only an idiot gamed the system through Final Fantasy styled grinding of attribute points... but seeing the fish raised in a threatening manner, I just backed off on the smirking 'heroically'.
Sometimes, it was better not to get punched in the arm too many times. My murlocloak wasn't very sturdy after all. Yeah. That's exactly why I didn't gloat. Because I was concerned about my new accessory.
Yup.
"You know something?" I muttered under my breath loudly. "I bet not a single person knows how to use their goddamn racial skills. It's almost like... you know what? Never mind. I'll just tell you. It's called diplomacy. Humans have this skill called diplomacy."
Finn frowned at me, before tilting her head and raising one eyebrow. She parted her lips for a moment, paused, and then closed her mouth. She watched me incredulously, as if thinking I was some kind of mythical animal, like a unicorn or a tooth fairy or a Stephen Hawking. Then she grumbled, "There's so many things wrong with... wait, did you drink some of the sailor's whiskey last night?"
"What."
"Are you drunk?"
"... No?"
"Are you sure?" She deadpanned. "Because you aren't."
"No! Yes! Wait. Argh! You know what? Laugh at all you want," I harrumphed and then turned around towards the murlocs that were almost within hearing distance of us. I could hear the ancient song of their people being chanted in the background. Obviously, this was a good time to turn around badassly and state my purpose.
Except Finn couldn't keep it in anymore and snorted. Then she started laughing so hard her crate tilted over and she nearly fell out. Her head peeked out as I turned around towards her again, and she said, "Oh, no, I'm sorry. Go on, do your thing. I could use a laugh before we're royally fucked. 'Ey, and you know what? I can say that we're actually royally fucked since we got into this mess 'cuza you."
"Argh!" I growled at her again.
She squeaked and hid, but her crate vibrated still.
"Hey!" Even Jaina was giggling, albeit shakily and making us tremble at the same time. I grabbed a harpoon in each hand and roared into the sky in frustration and pulled the hood down on our face in retaliation, "Aaaaaughibbrgubugbugrguburgle!"
Autosave – 1
… Wait, why was there an autosave?
There were a lot of gear in those crates just now... an awfully convenient collection of ammunition and battle items.
Now that I thought about it, there was a lot of room on this beach...
As I peered through the gouged out, leaking eye sockets of my fallen foe. For a moment, the world was silent, like in a game when the background music just stopped. Then, it was back, louder and pounding in our ears. The rhythm quickened like the pounding of our heart, like the roar of a thousand bands. You'd have thought a video game player would have known by now the signs, but I only just realized what was about to go down.
"That's a lot of bass."
"What?"
"Don't worry your silly, little head, Finn. I'm just... getting in the mood." Idly, I noted how the murloc blood that dripped down onto my lips tasted awfully like gravy. Well. "Nothing like a boss battle to start the morning. I'm going to diplomacy this bitch so hard."
… But it wasn't to be. Even though a human was almost fifty percent larger than a murloc, this one was perhaps a mutant murloc and it was twice the size of Daelin Proudmoore. That was to say, only half of its body was still stuck to the ship—the rest of it, including its limbs, were somewhere in the watery depths (or inside a different murloc's stomach, Jaina thought they ate each other, which might not be too off mark). The upper section of its skull was large enough to cover my head and then some, making it a rather leathery hood instead.
To be honest, I thought we looked rather cool, like a Sith in those flashy, shooty, swordy dramatic reenactments of wars in space that us Americans love so much. But Jaina just never stopped whining, "Ew. Ew, ew, ew. It smells like fish guts in here!"
"It is fish guts in here," I rolled our eyes and pushed away a bit of murloc lips out of our eyes.
"These sleeves are too big."
"They are not sleeves, they're supposed to be the mantelet," I grumbled.
"We already have a cape," Jaina pointed out.
I sighed again, "Damn it, it's fashion, it doesn't have to make sense!"
"Oh."
And 'Oh' was right, because I thought it looked awesome, so that was the way we were going. It was sort of like the cape-cloak that Medivh had in all those cut-scene cinematics, except with dragonhide and a murloc skin hood. Sure, the colors didn't quite match; the cloak itself was more of a pea green because of the prolonged soak the leathers had. The hood itself was was puke orange, with mustard yellow tentacle-spikes sticking out of it.
Jaina poked one of those tentacle-spikes and wondered, "What purpose do these fulfill, I wonder? Do you suppose it's for sensory purposes?"
"Eh." I shrugged. "Don't touch that. I've seen enough Japanese animation to know where that's going."
"Wha...?"
"I understand this is a new experience for you, but we're less than five minutes away from a possible life or death struggle. Do you really want to ponder on the mysteries of life now?" Because the moment she started focusing on it, I had the most uncontrollable urge to tug on one of those hardened tendrils.
They were thin as fingers and spiked on the end, no doubt with mild poisons like a jelly fish's tentacles. I knew the look of them; their brightly colored, almost translucent, pigmentation were definitely a way to ward off larger predators. After all, why have murlocs, who had bred so much that they were considered the possums and rats of Kul Tiras, not been farmed for food, if they were not poisonous?
Perhaps the answer lied in that they were mostly bone and sinew, hard to chew and harder to cut cleanly. It was only with Finn's rather sharp and heavily enchanted long blade that we were able to make short work of things and stitch it all together, with judicious application of tar and arcane magic and...
"Hey," Jaina poked me in the belly like one might do to the Pillsbury Doughboy mentally. "Are you pondering the mysteries of life... without me?"
She sounded vaguely upset.
"... No."
"There was a pause there. Why did you pause?" She pouted.
I really didn't want to get into this right now. After all, answering that I was just that socially awkward would only bring out more questions and cause her to question herself and thus cause us further delays in our development and... "Now is not the time, Jaina. Stop thinking so much!"
"Hmph."
There really wasn't any time to deal with her childish tantrum right now. I turned to our friends and commanded, "Look, murlocs are idiots when things don't go by script. So... Finn, get in that crate. Tinky, use that one. And Lorena, get the third one, I want you guys to form a semi-circle around me and turn any hostiles who charge at me into idiots who charged into a kill zone. Also, give me two harpoons."
"What's a kill zone?" Finn asked as she climbed into a box and handed me the sharp weapons that children definitely should run around with if they were being chased by murlocs.
Lorena added, "And, uh, you got some murloc eyes on your cheek over... ah, you got it. Okay, let me just grab a sword, two ticks... right, go ahead?" She didn't have a sword.
I handed her a wooden pole. A staff weapon was useful on any battlefield anyway. Tinky had smeared murloc guts all over her body and then added a layer of murloc guts. We decided to ignore her entirely for the moment. "... Right, just... just hide, alright?"
"... And wot're you gonna do?" Finn asked.
It seemed like a decent time to smirk. After all, there were many ways to game the system, only an idiot gamed the system through Final Fantasy styled grinding of attribute points... but seeing the fish raised in a threatening manner, I just backed off on the smirking 'heroically'.
Sometimes, it was better not to get punched in the arm too many times. My murlocloak wasn't very sturdy after all. Yeah. That's exactly why I didn't gloat. Because I was concerned about my new accessory.
Yup.
"You know something?" I muttered under my breath loudly. "I bet not a single person knows how to use their goddamn racial skills. It's almost like... you know what? Never mind. I'll just tell you. It's called diplomacy. Humans have this skill called diplomacy."
Finn frowned at me, before tilting her head and raising one eyebrow. She parted her lips for a moment, paused, and then closed her mouth. She watched me incredulously, as if thinking I was some kind of mythical animal, like a unicorn or a tooth fairy or a Stephen Hawking. Then she grumbled, "There's so many things wrong with... wait, did you drink some of the sailor's whiskey last night?"
"What."
"Are you drunk?"
"... No?"
"Are you sure?" She deadpanned. "Because you aren't."
"No! Yes! Wait. Argh! You know what? Laugh at all you want," I harrumphed and then turned around towards the murlocs that were almost within hearing distance of us. I could hear the ancient song of their people being chanted in the background. Obviously, this was a good time to turn around badassly and state my purpose.
Except Finn couldn't keep it in anymore and snorted. Then she started laughing so hard her crate tilted over and she nearly fell out. Her head peeked out as I turned around towards her again, and she said, "Oh, no, I'm sorry. Go on, do your thing. I could use a laugh before we're royally fucked. 'Ey, and you know what? I can say that we're actually royally fucked since we got into this mess 'cuza you."
"Argh!" I growled at her again.
She squeaked and hid, but her crate vibrated still.
"Hey!" Even Jaina was giggling, albeit shakily and making us tremble at the same time. I grabbed a harpoon in each hand and roared into the sky in frustration and pulled the hood down on our face in retaliation, "Aaaaaughibbrgubugbugrguburgle!"
Autosave – 1
… Wait, why was there an autosave?
There were a lot of gear in those crates just now... an awfully convenient collection of ammunition and battle items.
Now that I thought about it, there was a lot of room on this beach...
As I peered through the gouged out, leaking eye sockets of my fallen foe. For a moment, the world was silent, like in a game when the background music just stopped. Then, it was back, louder and pounding in our ears. The rhythm quickened like the pounding of our heart, like the roar of a thousand bands. You'd have thought a video game player would have known by now the signs, but I only just realized what was about to go down.
"That's a lot of bass."
"What?"
"Don't worry your silly, little head, Finn. I'm just... getting in the mood." Idly, I noted how the murloc blood that dripped down onto my lips tasted awfully like gravy. Well. "Nothing like a boss battle to start the morning. I'm going to diplomacy this bitch so hard."