Stray

[tEN]

I winced with my whole body and closed my eyes. This was going to be just like back at school, and I didn't know if I could take that. Before the pain could begin, however, the rough girl spoke again.

"Stop," she ordered, "heel." I heard her walk closer, boots treading on the hard floor. I felt her come to a stop in front of me. "Open your eyes," she commanded. I did so slowly, my gaze opening to a view of her strong chin. Carefully I looked up into her piercing gaze before I hastily looked down again.

I don't know what she saw in my eyes in that second, but she reached into her pocket and pulled out a handful of something that crinkled. "Hand," she demanded. Uncertainly I extended one hand. Everything had gone bizarrely off script since I joined the Undersiders at their base.

She put the object in my hand and I had to look at it a few times to make sense of what I was seeing. Two sticks of jerky and a granola bar? "Easy," she said, "you're safe here. Eat."

I looked at Lisa and Brian in confusion but they just returned that same look. A glance the other way, at Alec, rendered no additional assistance. I cautiously opened one of the sticks of jerky and cautiously bit into it. I smiled uncertainly at her and said "thank you," to which she gently swatted my nose and then ruffled my hair like Anne used to do to me and Emma when we were being 'too adorable' as she put it, before turning to face Lisa.

"Good job. We're keeping her."

What is my life?

 

[Biigoh]

What is my life?

Click to shrink...

Clearly... Rachel can tell you're a bitch and one that was abused, Tay Tay.

 

[Simonbob]

.......

I'm sure there's more to this, that makes it work.


Until that turns up, I'll just have to laugh at the insanely Crack ideas in my head.

 

[Stormbringer117]

Fortunately, this story isn't in the NSFW Forum, which means this will be more wholesome than whoresome

 

[Zeushobbit]

Tentatively watched pending more information on where this is going.

Hoping for adorable fluff of Rachel helping Taylor to not give a shit about what people think of her anymore while Lisa watches on very confused.

 

[tEN]

I desperately looked around. I couldn't believe they were actually considering this. A thought struck me. "It's just the time that's important, right?" Everyone looked at me and I shrank back. "Nevermind."

"No," Brian said, "go on. If you've got an idea that's not robbing a bank, I want to hear it."

I hesitated, then spoke up again. "If this boss just wants us to do something big at that time, and he doesn't care what it is, maybe we can brainstorm some other ideas?"

"Okay, other ideas, I'm on board. What ideas do we all have? Alec?"

"We could rob an ice cream parlor," Alec suggested lazily.

"No, next," Brian said pointing at me.

"Um, uh,"

"I'll get back to you. Lisa?"

"I really like this bank idea," she pouted.

"We could rescue puppies from the Empire," Rachel interjected. Brian put his face in his hands while Alec cackled. Lisa's eyes widened.

"We could… you mean attack one of their dog fighting rings? They'd have a fair amount of cash, the dogs would be big publicity, nobody will object to us fighting Nazis… This is a great idea Bitch. Let me just go call the boss."

Rachel crossed her arms grumpily. "All my ideas are good."

 

[Zeushobbit]

"We could rescue puppies from the Empire," Rachel interjected.

Click to shrink...

Yay Puppies!

I love Rachel's plans.

A plan that involves saving puppies is always the best plan.

 

[tEN]

The hazy blur that might have been our rescuer shouted again. "Alright you pack of bitches, hang onto your skirts because I'm about to blow you away!"

"She's Bitch," I objected groggily, pointing at the front passenger seat.

This gave the blur in the driver seat pause. "Bitch, those kiddos in the back belong to you?"

"Mine," Rachel's firm voice agreed. I felt warm for some reason.

"Then we will pretend that S was possessive and move on. Speaking of moving!"

There was a kachunk from the front and everything up was down. I stopped fighting my stomach in time to catch the tail end of another exclamation from the front.

"-who makes the best trucks?"

I felt like I was missing some context but I wracked my mind, suddenly unable to think of any truck manufacturers. "Tonka," I ventured.

This might have been the right answer because the driver cackled. "I like her! The name's Squealer, though."

The vehicle swerved and the scenery swam. "-so when I saw you mixing it up with Hookwolf and that bomber lady, I thought this here's my kind of party! Plus, I have a soft spot for any group of ladies willing to give Lung and the nazis a black eye. By the by, if you don't mind me saying so, Bitch, you exude so much butch energy you make the biker chick look femme, and I am here for it."

"I'm a guy," Brian objected. "These are pecs."

"Whoa, dude, I didn't realize. Sorry. Didn't mean to disrespect your pronouns. Love the voice. Very masc."

"How about me," Alec interjected.

"Could use a little more work, and I'd actually suggest a little less cleavage until the E kicks in. A padded bra would do wonders for you. I see what you're going for though and I'm very supportive."

"Thanks," Alec drawled.

There was another blur of motion and noise as we rounded a corner and I lost track of reality again.

"-dark Spidergirl in the back there gonna be okay? Actually, I should probably get some names if I'm pulling your bacon out of the fryer. I know Bitch up here which, by the way, love your name."

"These dogs are Brutus, Judas, and Angelica,"Rachel explained.

"Nice. Very thematic."

"I'm Grue, Regent is the one in the crown, Tattletale is up top in your gunner station, and bug girl hasn't picked a name yet."

"Oh I am so name buddies with Tattle. Let me tell you how I picked up my name. You see,"

Whatever story Squealer was telling got lost in the next morass of sirens and lights.

 

[Kreivan Reyhers]

Fluff makes my heart heart.. maybe I've grown into masochism???

 

[Zeushobbit]

I have no idea what is happening and I don't care because it's awesome

 

[One-who-reads]

Nice to see this crossposted.

 

[tEN]

Timeline A:
Somehow the girl got spooked when I sent my agent to pick her up from school, and she ran instead of going to the office as requested. Oh well. This is why I have other mercenaries standing by.

Timeline B:
Capture Team 2 and the Alcott girl have been caught in a time stop grenade, while my team are very visibly attempting to abduct her into their van. Cancelled.

Timeline C:
Capture Team 1 ran afoul of Victor. Not necessarily an issue as they were nowhere near the Alcott girl, simply helping to herd her, but when Victor stole the leader's impulse control, he gave away the plan and that I was behind it. I can't be tied to this. Cancelled.

Timeline D:
The Alcott girl managed to make it to where Shadow Stalker was staking out a street corner, solicited her assistance, and managed to vanish after the two left Capture Team 2 tied to a lamp post. Cancelled.

Timeline E:
Due to pure bad luck, Hookwolf eviscerated one of my mayoral candidates as he ran past. Cancelled.

Timeline F:
Wasn't Shadow Stalker at the intersection five blocks away? Cancelled.

Timeline G:
Luckily I wasn't home so I didn't die in the black hole that ate my house. Answering questions on why I wasn't home would be incredibly inconvenient for maintaining my cover, however, and my home was still safe in my other timeline. Cancelled.

Timeline H:
Shadow Stalker managed to capture Kaiser in the chaos which was definitely a problem for my plans going forwards. I knew how Max would react if I leaked his identity and blamed someone else. There was no telling what would happen if he was in jail when I released that document. Cancelled.

Timeline I:
The monster truck ran Victor over. His impact on Brockton Bay's job market as he stole important career skills from people he deemed unworthy of them was a major part of my plan in making things appear dire so that I could save the day and get the accolades I deserved. Cancelled.

Timeline J:
This is the third time Shadow Stalker has rescued the Alcott girl. Is she following her? Cancelled.

Timelines K:
Directing my mercenaries to hunt for Shadow Stalker swiftly turned into a disaster. Cancelled.

Timeline L:
Krieg threw Glory Girl through the van Capture Team 1 was using to try and cut off the Alcott girl's escape. Cancelled.

Timeline M:
Shadow Stalker again. I may be beginning to regret sabotaging the selection of her handler. If the usual rehabilitation program were on schedule, she would be much easier to predict. Cancelled.

Timeline A:
The Alcott girl is in the monster truck. This can still be salvaged.

Timeline N:
Calling in a tip that the Undersiders just kidnapped the mayor's niece seemed like such a promising route. Unfortunately Shadow Stalker actually saw her being rescued by the Undersiders from my mercenaries, so all this accomplished was getting a mole burned. Cancelled.

Timeline O:
Releasing all of the Empire 88 identities in the middle of this fiasco was therapeutic but didn't actually accomplish anything in terms of getting me the Alcott girl. Cancelled.

Timeline P:
Shadow Stalker disabled Capture Team 2's vehicle with a crossbow bolt phased directly into the engine block. Rather spectacularly. Cancelled.

Timeline Q:
Clockblocker is on the scene now somehow. Blocking a side street with a piece of paper means my team who was trying to cut the Undersiders off that way can't keep the pressure on. Cancelled

Timeline R:
Shadow Stalker tranquilized Victor. This would not be as much of a problem if he weren't operating a motorcycle through a construction site at the time. Cancelled.

Timeline S:
The tinker who's making these bombs just destroyed the monster truck with the Undersiders and the Alcott girl inside it. That's my prize and my patsies. Cancelled.

Timeline T:
Glory Girl picking up the entire monster truck and flying away with it definitely interferes with my plans to get the Alcott girl. Cancelled.

Timeline U:
How on Earth did Clockblocker manage to kill Hookwolf? His repeated escapes from birdcage transports was a critical point in my proving Emily's organization was full of moles. That I put there, but that's beyond the point. Cancelled.

Timeline V:
I'm just using this timeline to keep an eye on the situation while I go get myself a coffee. This whole situation is giving me a headache. Cancelled.

Timeline W:
Krieg killed the tinker I now recognize as the Cornell bomber and half the docks went up in flames. Cancelled.

Timeline X:
Who the hell is Browbeat and how did he ruin my plan so badly? Cancelled.

Timeline Y:
Shadow Stalker captured Victor. Cancelled.

Timeline A:
Shadow Stalker captured the Cornell Bomber and the docks did not explode.

Timeline Z:
This headache is getting quite severe. I'm going to keep watch while I get something stro-

 

[Hylas_Daemonem]

Timeline A:
Shadow Stalker captured the Cornell Bomber and the docks did not explode.

Click to shrink...

The single most implausible timeline lol
Love this fic, it's hilarious.

 

[preier]

Timeline A:
...
Timeline Z:
This headache is getting quite severe. I'm going to keep watch while I get something stro-

Click to shrink...

Seeing tommy boy suffer is always so therapeutic. I'm feeling very mellow right now, thank you very much.

 

[Candcg]

10/10, it's not often a coil interlude makes me laugh, but this one has

 

[Simonbob]

It's not often I feel sorry for Coil, but this is giving me a tinge. Around the laughter, anyway!