Tanya’s Hogwarts Adventures (Youjo Senki, Harry Potter)

[knyght]

Nice Chapter. I am unsure how i wandered into SFW though. Probably I just got lost.

 

[TheLoserEllimist]

* As mentioned by the hat, Tanya would, in my opinion, fit into any of the houses and without any other influences on her choice she would find all of them reasonably acceptable. Depending on a few factors she might slightly prefer one over another, but I as an author needed her in Gryffindor so I made her completely neutral and have the hat be influenced by how Tanya is actually a battle junkie to place her in Gryffindor.

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She challenged a nigh omnipotent being as a mortal with full knowledge of their relative power. She is very clearly a gryf.

 

[Half_Baked_cat]

Draco Malfoy

Father had been irritated for a large amount of the Christmas break. Draco tried to understand why his father was irritated and it all seemed to stem from his failure to befriend Potter and Potter's blonde friend. Father seemed convinced that despite the two ending up in Gryffindor, they were still the next Lord Voldemort and Aunt Bellatrix, with Potter being the Aunt in this case. Getting close to them was going to be difficult with the way things were, but hopefully the bribes, or tokens of humble esteem as Father would call them, would get his foot in the door.

"Something wrong?" Vincent asked.

"Hm? No," Draco said, shaking his head. "Just thinking."

Vincent grunted before pulling out a deck of exploding snap cards. "Want to play?"

"No, you two have fun." Draco turned to watch the countryside pass by. The fields white with the occasional tree standing proud. Empty of the cattle or crops that would make the land they passed home during warmer months, all put away into warmer hiding places.

There was no telling how things would go once he was back at school. Becoming friendly with Gryffindors would be putting Draco's neck on the line socially within Slytherin House, but Potter's social status was not fully known currently. Everyone wanted to know the Boy-Who-Lived better and few were able to.

Draco had wanted to offer a hand of friendship to Potter before school had started, but no one knew which cabin he had been hiding in and when they arrived at the school and had a moment to try to find him, everyone was distracted by speculating how they would be sorted.

There was a rumor that Degurechaff said the hat was willing to put her into any of the houses. Draco was sorted into Slytherin right away, as was only right, but he did remember that she took a while to be sorted. Harry also took some time to be sorted as well. Even that Granger girl was a hat staller. Could it be that all of them could go into any of the houses?

Draco bit his thumb as he thought about this. Slytherin was the house of Noble Purebloods, but that wasn't the only thing the sorting looked for. It was cunning and ambitious. Degurechaff was certainly very cunning in how she got Professor Snape to become the Theater Club advisor. Potter hadn't shown any particular cunning outside of staying close to Degurechaff, but he might be ambitious and have plans on how to use his fame.

And their pet mudblood, she was clearly very intelligent and could have obviously been sorted into Ravenclaw. Probably should have been sorted there. Maybe that was her game, she convinced the hat to put her into Gryffindor for some reason that would further whatever her ambition was. Draco scowled around his thumb as he realized he was going to have to spend time around a mudblood if he was going to do as his Father wanted. Hopefully he wouldn't catch anything from her.

An announcement came over the speakers, letting the passengers know that they would be arriving in five minutes to Hogwarts. Draco straightened himself up to keep his presentation of a respectable Pureblood while Vincent and Gregory finished up their game.

After pulling into the station, Draco led the way off the train with Crabbe and Goyle flanking his sides. As soon as he stepped off the train, he spotted Degurechaff being assaulted by the energetic Moon girl. Draco was about to walk away, unsure of how to approach the Lions when he was spotted and Degurechaff managed to break away from Moon.

Draco braced himself mentally for what was about to happen. Degurechaff approached with a smile. Why did she smile with so many teeth? It was not a nice smile and a shiver of fear ran down Malfoy's spine. A shiver he hid knowing he had two big strong boys at his side and for all of the rumors around her, Degurechaff was still just a little girl.

"Malfoy, thank you for the gift, and your apology is accepted." Draco could feel Vincent and Gregory looking at him, not knowing what they should do.

"Good. I'm glad you got it and liked it," Draco said, hiding how he was feeling with a polite smile of his own that was met with an outstretched hand.

"I am willing to accept your attempt at friendship at face value, but we will need to work on how you make new friends," Degurechaff explained before looking at Draco's companions. "I understand it might be difficult to make new friends if you already have a long established friend group."

Draco reached out slowly and clasped his hands with Degurechaff. "Uh, yeah. That, uh, sounds good."

This bribing thing was easier than Father made it out to be. Draco was already achieving the closeness he needed.

"As we are going to be on friendly terms, feel free to call me Tanya." Degurechaff held her hand out towards Crabbe and Goyle. "You may as well."

"And you can call me Draco." Draco gave his companions a look and nod.

"Uh, Gregory." "Vincent."

With the fresh introductions out of the way, Tanya nodded as though satisfied with how things went.

"I will talk with you later," she said. "Lily seems interested in telling me all about her Christmas and it is better to let her get it out now."

With that, Tanya turned and left, leaving the three Slytherin boys awkwardly standing on the station before they began shuffling off towards the castle.

"What gift did you get her?" Gregory asked after a few moments.

"Some coffee set."

—-

Lily Moon.

Lily was happy to be back at Hogwarts with her friends and professors and the ghosts and pictures and that one statue of a bird on a wall that asks really smart questions that Lily hasn't been able to answer any of yet. Christmas break was a lot of fun! And Lily had so many things to tell her friends and the bird statue and the nicer portraits that actually talked to her. Like how her family went skiing and they saw a guy run into a tree, the ramp jump she did that made her belly feel like she was in the flying class or yummy hot cocoa with peppermint marshmallows. There are marshmallows with extra candy in them!

Hogwarts looked so pretty covered in snow, the castle all sparkly and shiny with icicles hanging off of the overhanging bits and the carriages from the train station with a dusting of snow were so pretty. Daddy would probably say something more descriptive that would match the prettiness of everything.

"Hey Tanya, watcha lookin' at?" Lily asked her super serious friend who was looking in front of the carriages at nothing.

"These pegasuses… pegasi?" Tanya said, indicating the air in front of them before beginning to climb into the carriages herself. "I had heard of winged horses like these, but I was under the impression that the wings would be feathered, not bat-like."

Lily gave her friend a confused look. "Is this a game? I don't see any pegasooses."

"You don't see the pegasus that is pulling our carriage?"

"No. Don't the carriages get pulled by magic?"

"Hmm." Tanya leaned back into her seat as she got a thinking look to her. "Maybe we should ask Mr. Hagrid about it. He is supposed to take care of the grounds, right? He should know how these carriages work."

"Ok!" Lily excitedly said. "Did you have a good Christmas?"

Tanya nodded her head as the carriage rattled into motion. "Yes. I was surprised at all the gifts I received and the Christmas feast was delicious. How about you?"

"It was great! We went skiing and there was a goat…"

The two passed the time in the carriage with Lily regaling Tanya of all the things that happened while Tanya stayed mostly silent, only speaking up to prompt Lily to talk more.

The first half of the year was so much fun and the second half was looking to be great too.

—-

Tanya Degurechaff

Inviting Draco to the Gryffindor table for breakfast the first day of the spring semester was met with resistance from several individuals. Ron was placated with a reminder that if he wanted to be Head Boy he would be representing the whole school and working with all the houses, not just Gryffindor. Draco was reminded that he was attempting to join an established friend group and it would be wise not to antagonize others before really getting to know them and where the lines were. The girls kept their own conversations going while Harry sat there looking uncomfortable, but he at least tried being friendly by starting up a discussion about quidditch.

That seemed to break the ice enough for Seamus and Dean to get involved in the conversation, while I tuned out of that and focused on Hermione's thoughts about the upcoming lesson plans and the study group.

"We should meet up in one of the empty classrooms. That should give us enough space with Draco, Gregory, and Vincent joining us." I turned towards the three boys in question. "Speaking of which, bring your midterm tests with you too, let's go with one of the empty classrooms on the second floor. On the left side. Same with the rest of you. That should give us a good direction of where to help you all with your school work."

With plans made, it was time to enjoy the school day as intended, learning valuable lessons that will be important for our future endeavors.

—-

Severus Snape

Returning to the droll and drudgery of teaching with yet another semester spent in Hogwarts after an enjoyable month of being able to lock himself away in his lab for most of each day left Professor Snape in an annoyed mood as he focused on his food. Snape usually sat himself by Flitwick in the hopes of even a hint of intellectual conversation, but upon being bothered by the diminutive teacher, Snape's annoyance came to the forefront as his gaze was directed out into the milling mass of children.

Out in the sea of dunderheads and sniveling fools sat his godson, not at the table of the House of Snakes, but with the first year Gryffindors. Sitting and talking and looking like he wasn't in need of having his head extracted from his bottom as placed by his fill of a father.

"Isn't that nice, students crossing House lines to eat together," Flitwick said with an over excited clap and his voice high pitched from the joy.

"Yes, absolutely wonderful," Snape snarled out, attempting to focus on the porridge in front of him.

"Oh, don't be like that. It's good to see them actually have interactions before they try dating."

Snape leveled a glare at Flitwick, being reminded rather harshly of his own failed attempt at dating someone not in Slytherin while he was in school.

The smile slowly fell off of Flitwick's face. "Still? I know it hurts. She was such a gifted student, but it has been ten years. I doubt she would want to see her childhood friend mourning her this long."

Snape did not respond, turning his glower towards his porridge and attacking it, ignoring the sigh and head shake Flitwick gave.

—-

Hermione Granger

Looking over the midterm tests returned showed Hermione, Tanya, and Draco were the top three students across the board among the study group and Vincent, Gregory, and Lily barely passing. Or, Hermione should correct herself looking at Lily's Charms test, Vincent and Gregory were barely passing.

Looking up, Hermione joined the other Gryffindors in concern about the furious look on Tanya's face.

"Hermione, Draco, as the two with the best results, you are in charge of the study group." Standing up, Tanya seemed to tower over everyone with her presence. "Vincent, Lily, Gregory. You three with me, now."

Lily stood up slowly, her eyes wide as she swallowed heavily. Vincent and Gregory looked towards each other before looking to Draco.

"Go. We'll talk about this later," Draco said with a lot less confidence than he normally showed.

Once the four were out of the room, Lavender let out a long low whistle.

"Glad that isn't me," Parvati said with a shiver.

Harry and Ron breathed out a sigh of relief and nodded their heads in agreement.

"What's she going to do with them?" Draco asked, looking around at the Gryffindors, false bravado returning to his voice.

"We don't know," Hermione answered after a moment. "We've never seen her angry before. We should probably get started though."

"So, how does this work?" Draco asked, looking around the group.

"We start by picking a subject. We then go over the assignment and all work on it at the same time and if anyone has any confusion over something, they can ask aloud and we discuss it."

"But we don't have any assignments yet."

Hermione felt a sly smile come to her face. "Sure we do. We just don't have any work to do on it. Just discussing it." Hermione held up her own perfect copy of the charms test. "Let's start with Charms today as everyone scored the highest there."

Getting down to work, the students went question by question. If everyone got it right, they would see if anyone wanted to say anything about it before moving on. If someone did get an answer wrong, they would see where the answer was wrong and go over the correct answer and how to remember it for the future.

After some time, the results of the tests were finished being examined with the questions multiple people had issues with noted down by Hermione to be gone over again at a later time. From there, discussions drifted onto other topics with Draco being pulled into a game of chess against Ron. A game that Ron was having more difficulty winning than usual by Hermione's guess.

After finally trapping Malfoy's king into a checkmate, Ron noticed how late it was getting. "What's taking Tanya so long?"

Malfoy was scowling at the board while the Gryffindors looked at each other nervously.

"Maybe we shou-" Harry stated before the classroom door opened and a trio of dead eyed students stumbled into the room, slow shuffles as they groaned at others, followed by a short stern looking blonde.

"We will continue tomorrow," Tanya told Crabbe and Goyle. She then turned her attention to Malfoy. "I hope you had a good time with the study group."

"Yes, it was not unpleasant." Malfoy shrugged as he gathered his things and stood up. "I should probably head back."

With the Slytherins leaving, everyone turned to look at the seemingly exhausted form of Lily, flopped over a desk and groaning.

"Whatcha do to her?" Ron asked, looking at Tanya.

"She helpfully explained that during the test she got nervous and forgot everything she learned. I simply was helping ensure she wouldn't forget it next time and won't be nervous during the next test."

A long groan came from the sprawled form of Lily, causing Ron, Neville, and Parvati to nervously shift in their seats.

"We should probably get back to the Common Room before curfew hits," Hermione said, going to help Lily up.

"No more brain slugs mommy," Lily mumbled out as she was escorted back.

—-

Tanya Degurechaff

Quidditch practice began swiftly in the spring semester with the Gryffindor/Ravenclaw game being within weeks of the semester starting. A good excuse to get on my broom and fly around for a bit, though I would prefer to do that without having to deal with all the balls and the open skies above a sports pitch. Racing through trees and obstacles was far more exhilarating, tight corners and narrowly dodging branches to get through tight spaces being a much more rewarding challenge than noticing a heavy ball was coming towards you and rolling out of the way.

At least the practice was a good way to help my housemates. Speaking of, "Ron! Quidditch practice."

Ron was playing chess with Neville, not paying attention to the time at all.

"Huh? But I'm not on the team," Ron was frowning as he replied to me.

"You want to be the quidditch captain, right? Well you need to be at practice to get the experience. Now come on. I'm sure you two can finish that later."

"It's fine." Neville knocked his king over, surrendering the game. "I'm sure I was going to lose anyways."

Neville's self confidence was something that would need to be addressed. Gryffindor House was the home of the brave and bold and a shrinking violet would not give off the right impression. For now though, it was Ron's time for improvement. Oliver was sure to be happy to ensure the future of Gryffindor's quidditch success was in good hands.

"So, uh, do you know what you will be working on?" Ron asked as we headed down to the pitch.

"No. That is for the captain to know and to tell us. What do you think we should work on?"

I would not know if Ron's suggestions were the most ideal, but utilizing the Socratic Method seemed ideal in this situation to get Ron thinking like a captain.

"Uh, what do I-? Uh, well the next match is against Hufflepuff, right?"

"Yes. Is that relevant?" Knowing the enemy was important. Ensuring Ron recognized that consciously would be good for him.

"Possibly?" Ron did not sound sure of himself as he shrunk in on himself. I could feel myself frown at his lack of confidence.

"You don't sound sure of yourself. Think about it. Is knowing who we play in a few weeks relevant to how we train today?"

"Uh, yes. Yes."

"Why?"

"Because they are who we are facing next and they don't play like the Slytherins did."

"How do they differ and why does that matter?"

"Well, the Slytherins are underhanded cheaters-"

"Ron!" I stopped and snapped at Ron, staring him down as he looked at me. "Remember, you want to be Head Boy as well. That means you will need to treat all the houses fairly. What the Slytherins do may be aggressive and likely to result in an increased number of penalty shots, they are not cheaters. They play with the same number of players as any other team and they do not engage in any behavior explicitly against the rules that would disqualify them if they were caught."

"Right."

I would need to keep an eye on Ron expressing his opinions on the other houses and make sure he knows when he steps out of line. The school would not allow someone into the position of Head Boy who openly mocked one of the houses.

"Again, what are the differences between the house teams and why do the differences matter?" I asked as I started back towards the pitch.

"Well, as you said, the Slytherins are, uh, aggressive in their tactics, going for a very offensive focus with a lot of play at getting control of the bludgers and attacking members of the other team. Hufflepuff has a more defensive approach. They focus more on control over the field instead of the power Slytherin uses."

"And how does that change how you would run tonight's practice?"

"I would focus more on a mixed approach to disrupt their field control and keep the quaffle out of their hands as much as possible."

"Why not a more focused approach?"

"Do you think we should be focusing our approach?"

I shrugged my shoulders. I didn't know one way or another what we should do. I was just on the team, not leading it. Let Ron and Wood focus on the tactics for this. "It does not matter what I think. What matters is you thinking about these things. So, what are the cons to focusing on defense or offense specifically that makes you believe we should mix up our focus?"

"Uh, well, our defense is already pretty good from the Slytherin match and the weakness of a defensive control strategy is that your team tends to be very reactionary. By using a mixed approach, we keep ourselves constantly moving in a manner that is difficult for the Puffs to predict and react to."

"That makes sense, but how does that work with how our team works?"

"Our team is in a good place to change up tactics with a focused practice. Fred and George are power beaters that have excellent ball control over the bludger when they do gain control and can easily pivot between offensive and defensive in how they use the bludger, Wood is a very solid keeper, and Harry is bloody quick on the broom. That leaves our chasers and you. All of you are capable of a speed style chaser which is most common in more offensively focused teams, but with some defensive focus in strategy you four could easily change up mid game to off balance the Puffs. And if we bring you in like in the Slytherin game, you are able to act as a sort of third beater with the way you handled the bludger in the Slytherin game."

"And if we were to focus specifically on a more offensive or defensive strategy, what would you suggest we do?"

Nearing the pitch I saw that the male members of the team were already waiting and that I seemed to be the first of the girls to arrive.

"Actually, hold that thought and think on it." I give a wave to the boys, getting waves in return.

"Hey Troll Crusher, what's little Ronnekins doing here?" One of the twins asked.

"Yeah, what is he doing here?" Wood asked, looking Ron over.

"Ron wants to be quidditch captain," I answered. "I thought the best way for him to get there was by working with the current captain and learning what to do."

"Oh, our baby brother wants to be quidditch captain?" One of the twins says, coming over and putting an arm around Ron.

"We better watch ourselves or he might be able to tell us what to do someday." The other twin put an arm around Ron while standing on the other side.

"Oh you are right. Maybe we should be nicer to him and not pull any pranks on him."

The two twins looked at each other for a moment before in unison deciding, "nah," with a laugh as they pushed Ron towards Wood.

A rather normal family interaction if I understood multi children families correctly. Not that I knew for sure, having been an only child three lifetimes in a row with the last two of them being an orphan on top of that as well.

"Hm, I suppose I can train you to replace me. What position do you think you would play?" Wood asked Ron.

"At home, I was always made to play keeper."

Wood barked out a laugh. "Great! I'll be sure to teach you all my tricks then. And there are the last of the team now. Gather around everyone. I got some bad news."

"Bad news?" one of the twins asked, hands to his cheeks.

"Oh no!" The other twin was copying the first twin.

"Could it be?"

"Possibly. It sounds terrible."

"What happened?"

"What did you do?"

"It surely wasn't us this time."

"No," Wood had a strained tone in his voice as he gathered us around. "Snape will be refereeing the next match. Madam Hooch apparently will not be on school grounds that weekend."

"Snape!" Several of the team cried out at once before they all started talking over each other. I didn't see what the big deal was. Snape has been mostly professional in his interactions as a professor. A bit dramatic, but that seems normal and expected of a theater teacher.

While everyone else was gossiping about what this could mean and what they should do about it, I got ready for practice, going to the locker room to change and tie up my hair. It was getting a bit long for my liking and I noticed that the wind caused it to get in my eyes, which would be a hindrance during a game.

It was probably time for a fresh haircut, though the school seemed to lack a barber. Were we supposed to cut our own hair? Or did I miss a memo about where to get one? Maybe I should ask Lavender if she knew, she seemed to take a lot of pride in her hair and probably knew the answer.

 

[Doomsought]

Tanya pushing Ron forward to be his best self is something really unique this fic has done. She has really given the one thing he lacked the most in life: drive to pursue his dreams rather than to merely desire them.

 

[snthsnth]

Tanya pushing Ron forward to be his best self is something really unique this fic has done. She has really given the one thing he lacked the most in life: drive to pursue his dreams rather than to merely desire them.

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I'm liking her desire to do that with everyone, but taking her time with them. Neville's flaw is noted and she makes a mental appointment to fix it next time, because it's Ron's turn right now.

 

[Chrisleech]

And she also helped out Parvati with her dueling outfit when she showed a desire to go into the circuit.

 

[jayofgrey]

Um. I swear I've read this chapter already like a few months ago?
Was it revised/edited or am I tripping balls here?
Very glad to see more of this either way.

 

[Jubjub3000]

Thank yoy for the chapter!

And I hope that Tanya finds something to hold her hair back or someone to braid it so she doesn't have to cut it!

 

[AlexGmes]

I just hope that she doesnt fall for lockart shit next year because that always happens

 

[Half_Baked_cat]

Um. I swear I've read this chapter already like a few months ago?
Was it revised/edited or am I tripping balls here?
Very glad to see more of this either way.

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You probably read it on another site. I just realized I hadn't posted it here and corrected that oversight.

Working on next chapter and came across a few issues.

1. There are months that are skipped in the book. We go from early January back to school to late January Hufflepuff v Gryffindor match to March and Easter Holiday for the Dragon stuff. And from there we go straight to Final Exams.
2. I have set up a lot of side plots and practically none of them are resolving this year. Drama club started very late in the year so a performance is unlikely to actually be ready this year, so that will be pushed off till next year, the dueling club has been chugging along in the background and nothing is coming from it.
3. Some of the changes have significant knock on effects into the Summer and then into the following years.

So, I have to actually plan out a lot more specifics of this story now.

 

[CILinkz]

I just hope that she doesnt fall for lockart shit next year because that always happens

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that fic is subverting expectations a fair bit so maybe he is really into Theatre play aswell and they become friends

 

[Half_Baked_cat]

that fic is subverting expectations a fair bit so maybe he is really into Theatre play aswell and they become friends

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Are you wanting Lockheart and Snape to spend a lot of close intimate time together teaching dramatic acting to the students? I am crazy enough to do stuff like that. I already have DRAMA TEACHER SNAPE. Which is a tag I am very proud of.

Like, the closest I think any get to that tag is My Life as a Background Slytherin.

This story is clearly trying to stick closer to canon Snape, but putting him in an awkward position that the rest of the staff find too funny not to encourage.

Also, I am curious what expectations people have. I got a lot planned and I enjoy laughing at how wrong people can be.

 

[CronaAbarn]

I expect tanya to eventually burn down the forest of giant spiders. She'd go with Harry and Ron to investigate, and to make sure she doesn't solo the basilisk and lord moldybutt, tanya would spend that night reenacting Nam. Too many man eating spiders close to the school, it should have been dealt with years ago, and so long as Hagrids original spider isn't harmed, he won't throw a fit, even he knows you have to trim the herd to keep it healthy.

It keeps tanya from replacing Harry without sidelining her. I also expect the play to be Shakespeare's a midsummers nights dream, where she plays Tatania the fairy queen just to continue the fae rumors, her illusion and flight magic can make some convincing wings after all.

 

[Chrisleech]

Did Tanya get anyone Christmas presents? Is she planning on getting Dumbledore some socks?

 

[auraofcalm]

So while I do love this story, there are a couple of moments in it that have never quite worked for me.

One is Tanya using Dumbledore's canon excuse for what she saw in the mirror, which just felt slightly lazy.

The second, and by far strangest thing, is Tanya being in the air at the same time as Harry during a quidditch match if she's supposed to be a reserve member. Jordan's commentary makes it clear she's an active participant in the game, which makes no sense. Gryffindor gets an extra body on the field just because?

It really comes off like you wanted Tanya in the air because flying is her thing, but flying is also Harry's thing and you didn't want to sideline him, so instead you just decided to have your cake and eat it too in a really nonsensical way.

But apart from those two kind of "wtf" moments, the rest is great.

 

[Half_Baked_cat]

The second, and by far strangest thing, is Tanya being in the air at the same time as Harry during a quidditch match if she's supposed to be a reserve member. Jordan's commentary makes it clear she's an active participant in the game, which makes no sense. Gryffindor gets an extra body on the field just because?

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A lot of people get confused on this part, but there was never a point when Gryffindor had 8 people in air. If you go back, you will see Bell goes down and Lee starts to say Degurechaff is coming in, but gets interrupted by McGonagall for calling her Troll Crusher. I know that scene is a bit fast paced, but it is meant to emulate sports color commentary where the action is explained quickly with anecdotes sprinkled in.

To be more specific, Bell takes a Bludger to the back of the head. Not a killing blow by any means, but one that basically puts her out of commission in the game for a time. Later Bell comes back in, switching with Spinnet to give her a break. This is shortly before Potter's broom goes crazy, Degurechaff brings him down safely. Spinnet comes back in after not much of a break to join the Chasers and Degurechaff is acting as Seeker.

I was very careful to make sure there was never more than 7 players per side in the air. Very careful.

 

[auraofcalm]

Ahhh okay. That makes far more sense. So the disconnect is just Lee spending more time being Lee than properly commentating, as he tends to do.

Objection withdrawn.

EDIT:
So she switched in for Katie Bell, played a bit as Chaser, punted a bludger, and then I'm guessing Bell came back in?

She then switched for Harry into the Seeker role when his broom "malfunctioned" and caught the snitch?

 

[Half_Baked_cat]

So the disconnect is just Lee spending more time being Lee than properly commentating, as he tends to do.

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I make no apologies for the things the characters do. *Looks at Lily* They are who they are. More seriously, yes, Lee was being Lee. The only reason he is allowed to get away with all of this is because McGonagall finds it amusing, but can't admit to it. If she was really bothered by Lee's antics, he wouldn't be the commentator for years.

Speaking of Lily, I hope you all like her because Tanya spends the summer with her.

 

[auraofcalm]

Speaking of Lily, I hope you all like her because Tanya spends the summer with her.

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I said it on SB already but she is three thousand percent an actual fairy girl.

 

[Mageman1842]

I can't wait until someone drops the bomb about Sirius not getting a trial. The pure apoplectic fit at the disregard of rules and procedures, because we all know what a stickler she is for them.

 

[JackofSpades]

I'm enjoying the story. The only thing is, I save my bookmarks based on the story's name and I found this on Spacebattles first. When I found it here, I tried looking it up to see if I read it before and the name is different so I was quite confused for a bit.

 

[Half_Baked_cat]

Tanya Degurechaff

Lavender was surprised at me coming to her to ask about hair cuts, but seemed excited to try a styling spell from one of her magazines. I stopped her before she could grab her wand and suggested we do this with supervision of a teacher as it might qualify as experimenting with a spell. With that settled, I suggested we find Professor McGonagal.

"Now?" Lavender asked, grabbing her wand.

"If we need to schedule a time for her to supervise us as you practice that spell, it is best to schedule it as soon as possible."

"I guess that makes sense. Why did you come ask me anyways?"

"You do a fine job maintaining your hair and have appropriate pride in it."

It took Lavender a moment to respond. I began to replay what I had said in my head and started to formulate a different way of saying the same thing when, "You came to me because you like my hair?"

"Yes." In our group, she arguably had the best hair. It was thick, full, and always had a healthy sheen to it.

"… Thank you."

Lavender was being quieter than she normally was for some reason. Looking at her, I saw that she seemed to be folding in on herself and was biting her bottom lip.

"Are you well? We can go to the Nurse's office if you aren't feeling well and I'll ask Prof. McGonagal myself."

"No. I'm fine."

Lavender seemed to bounce back to normal quickly, grabbing my hand and taking the lead in heading to our Head of House's office. I didn't know if this was a confusing child thing or a confusing girl thing, but I did not understand what was going through Lavender's head. Considering I spent an entire life as a woman, even a majority of my memory being of a woman, I decided to go with a confusing child thing. Whatever the case, Lavender began babbling about different things we could do with my hair.

"As long as it is easy to maintain," was my one specification. To which I was quickly assured it would be. There was a part of me that was concerned about what was going to happen to my hair, but after half a century of maintaining one hair style, it was probably time for a change.

Lavender mentioned something about putting some sort of potion based product in my hair. "As much as Snape might like you practicing your potioncraft, I said easy maintenance."

—

Prof. McGonagal was able to help us right away with my haircut and helped Lavender from going too far with the haircut when a mistake occurred. In the end, the mistake resulted in my hair being closely cropped over my left ear and having a strong transition to the right side where my hair hugged the side of my face down to my cheek. I would say it looked a bit too edgy for a twelve year old, but I am sure I would grow into the style. In the meantime, it seemed like an easy style to maintain. Should I decide I don't like it after living with it for a while, I could always just cut it again. It was just hair afterall. In the meantime, there was the quidditch match coming up that I guess I had to prepare for.

—

Lee Jordan

"Hello Hogwarts! You ready for the fourth match of the year? I said, 'Are you ready for the fourth match of the year?' That's better! Today's match should be an Exciting One. Gryffindor and Hufflepuff! Today's match is going to be a bit different from normal. The lovely Madam Hooch will not be refereeing today's game. Instead our least favorite Professor will be the referee for the match. So let's all give him a healthy boo-"

"Jordan! Professor Snape is still staff and you will treat him as such."

"Sorry Prof. As I was saying, let's all give Professor Snape the applause he deserves.

"Looking like a bunch of bees, the Badgers of Hufflepuff are buzzing out with Captain Finlay followed by his fellow chasers Rayne and Tansy. Next we have beaters Isla and Osla followed closely by Keeper Fleet and Seeker Diggory brings up the rear.

"And prowling out are the fierce Lions of Gryffindor! Captain Wood leading the way as Keeper followed by the lovely ladies-"

"Chasers."

"That too, Johnson, Spinnet, and Bell. They are followed by the masterful pranksters, Fred and George Weasleys as beaters and the bucking seeker Potter with TROLL CRUSHER bringing in the reserves!"

"Jordan! I made certain her uniform had her name correctly displayed."

"Huh, so it is. Degurechaff bringing in the reserves. Wood and Finlay shake hands before taking positions. Snape tosses the quaffle.. And THEY'RE OFF! Finlay to Tansy! Bludger from Weasley dodged and that's a whistle! Seems Weasley nearly hit Snape with a Bludger. Such an unfortunate miss."

"Jor. Dan."

"Sorry Prof. Anyways, that is a penalty shot. Tansy in position. The quaffle is flying! And Caught! Wood to Bell into a low swoop. Pass to Spinnet! Drop to Johnson and over to Bell! Bell barely manages to dodge a bludger tossing quaffle towards Johnson! Intercepted by Rayne! Over to Finlay. Back to Rayne. To Tansy. Charging towards the goals. Dodge a bludger. Pass towards Rayne. Intercepted by Bell! And Potter appears to be diving towards Snape! Is this some distraction ploy? NO! Potter caught the Snitch from next to Snape's head! The match is over 150 to 0 Gryfindor in the fastest game of the season!"

—

Harry Potter

Harry was happy to see that Tanya had waited for him as he took a private moment in the shower to enjoy the happiness and pride he felt. No one could say he was just a famous name as he showed everyone he was on the team for a very good reason. The previous hour after the game was a blur as Gryffindors swarmed the field and lifted Harry up on their shoulders and celebrated the swift win. A win that put Gryffindor House in the lead for both the House and Quidditch Cups this year.

"Good job," Tanya said softly as she stood up from the locker room's bench and slinging her own Nimbus 2000 over her shoulder. "How are you feeling?"

"Great!" Harry said with a huge grin.

"Good. That's good." Tanya smiled before she began leading the way back to the castle. "I think the Weasley Twins mentioned something about getting some food for a party. The Common Room will likely be a little crowded."

"Is that Snape?" Harry asked as he noticed a hooded figure looking like they didn't want to be seen walking towards the Forbidden Forest. The prowling walk brought to mind only one person in Harry's mind.

Tanya looked towards the figure and shrugged before turning towards the castle. "Possibly. I think we can still get some hot food in the Great Hall before eating whatever has been gathered for the party."

"What do you think he is doing sneaking into the Forbidden Forest?" Harry asked, following Tanya to first drop their brooms off at the broom closet before getting something quick to eat.

Tanya shrugged. "I do not know. Maybe he is getting some ingredients for a potion he is working on."

"Why would he be sneaking out during dinner to get potion ingredients?"

"He is a Head of House. Likely he is getting asked by the kids in his House constantly for help with things. This might be the only time he feels like he can get away unbothered."

"I guess that makes sense." Harry felt that wasn't right, but he couldn't see any holes in his friend's logic. Something in his gut was telling him that there was something going on. Something important.

Without any reason to be suspicious other than his gut, Harry just put his broom in the closet before quickly stopping in the Great Hall to grab a jacket potato. After getting a hot potato in their stomachs, the two began the trek back to the Gryffindor Tower.

"There you two are," Hermione squeaked as she marched over with Ron following closely.

"We won! You won! We won!" Ron yelled, thumping Harry on the back with a huge grin. "Let's hurry to the Common Room. Everyone is waiting for you! We're having a party! Fred and George stole some cakes and stuff from the kitchen."

"I am sure that is an exaggeration," Tanya said.

Climbing into the Common Room, the four first years were greeted by a wall of sound as the house applauded Harry and dragged him in to congratulate him again and ply him with the pilfered sweets and handing him bottles of butterbeer that some of the upper years had hidden in their rooms from visits to Hogsmead.

Harry was the center of attention and for once he was happy about it. He earned this attention.

—

Oliver Wood

Having beaten Hufflepuff put Gryffindor in a strong position. Depending on the Ravenclaw vs Slytherin match next month would determine whether Gryffindor needed to straight up win against Ravenclaw or if there was a specific point spread Gryffindor could lose by and still win the Quidditch cup. Hopefully Ravenclaw would lose against Slytherin to give Gryffindor the best chance of winning overall. If they pulled it off, Wood would be over the moon as it would show his competency as captain, particularly with such a young team. Wood was the oldest member of the team by two years with everyone else being third year and below. Hell, their Seeker and reserve player were firsties. Bloody brilliant firsties when it came to flying on a broom. Frighteningly reckless too, pulling off stunts during practice that Wood would be too cautious to try. Then again, there is a reason Wood was a keeper and not a seeker.

Wood felt someone bump his side. "Enjoying yourself?" Olive asked. Wendy Olive was one of Wood's yearmates and the most outgoing of the girls in his year.

"Yeah. We won, our position is strong for the last game this year, and we have a great team."

Olive laughed and shook her head. "Always with your head in the game," Olive said before looking around the room quickly and pulling a bottle out of her robe. "How about something to add to the fun?"

Wood looked around and saw that Percy was distracted by his twin brothers and the other prefects were also distracted. He took a long drag off of his bottle of butterbeer before passing it over to Olive. Olive topped up Wood's bottle with the amber liquid of her bottle, passing it back to Wood. She then got onto her tiptoes to kiss Wood's cheek. "Find me later," she whispered before slinking off with her bottle hidden in her robes again.

Wood smirked and took a sip of his freshly topped off bottle, grimacing at the taste and refusing to let that stop him as he swallowed the spiked drink. Looking around the room, Wood spotted the smallest member of the team sitting by herself. Being the reliable, fabulous Captain he was, Wood decided to see what was up with his Reserve Player.

"What's up?" He asked, sitting next to Tanya, seeing she was nursing her own bottle of butterbeer and had a slice of cake the Weasley Twins had pilfered from the kitchens.

"Not much," Degurechaff answered. Despite having her back to the wall and sitting on the floor, Degurechaff was eating her cake with surprisingly refined manners. It reminded Wood a lot of his visits to his Aunt's house. Were table manners something she learned at the orphanage Wood wondered, or was it something she was emulating here?

"That's good. You are not upset you didn't get to play?"

Degurechaff turned her head to look at Wood, her eyes steadily looking into his own. "No. Do I appear upset?"

"N-no," Wood said, suddenly feeling much smaller as he stared into the crystal blue eyes of a frozen lake. "I just noticed you were sitting by yourself and wanted to check on you."

Degurechaff broke eye contact and looked into the crowd in the center of the room, Wood's eyes following the direction to find Potter surrounded by other Gryffindors.

"Tonight is a time for him to celebrate. It is his win and I am happy for him."

Wood looked back to Degurechaff. Her expression was as difficult to read as ever and it could have been Wood's imagination, but he thought he saw a slight tinge of red on the young girl's pale cheeks. "Yeah, I suppose-"

"Tanya!" A voice nearby loudly and excitedly said, "Look who I found! She was on the mantle of the fireplace looking over us and being a guard kitty like I thought she was, but luckily she seems to like kitty nip in cat form so I managed to convince her to come down from there and let me hug and pet her and she is purring!"

Wood recognized the girl as one of Degurechaff's friends and yearmates, but could not remember her name. Whatever the excitable little girl's name was, Wood knew he needed to be the responsible one here because some people could be touchy about their pets. "You shouldn't be picking up other people's pets without permission," Wood said gently.

"I don't think Professor McGonagall is anyone's pet," the girl said with a smile. "Are you someone's pet, Professor?"

The cat meowed in the girl's arm and looking closer Wood realized that the cat did indeed look just like Professor McGonagall in her animagus form. Wood's eyes widened and he put his thumb over the opening of his bottle.

"Well, looks like you have company now, so I'll just leave you three alone," Wood said nervously as he quickly got up and began looking for Olive. The alcohol would have to be even more carefully hidden now that McGonagall was in the Common Room.

—

Parvati Patil

Theater Club was surprisingly fun considering the teacher in charge was Professor Snape and Tanya was the one that had organized the initial club. Tanya always seemed so scary and serious, but she was really just incredibly awkward and was worse than Hermione at being social. Which was saying something since Hermione spent most of her time with her bushy head in a book. Regardless, Parvati was having a lot of fun making the costumes. She had to learn a lot of charms and Professor Snape had no idea where to begin in making outfits so Parvati spent a lot more time in the library getting Madam Prince's help than she had expected, but the costumes were coming out well in Parvati's opinion.

"Alright students," Professor Snape drawled out as he entered the classroom the club was using. "There are songs in the play you all selected, so we will need to see what you all are capable of. Degurechaff, you first."

Parvati noticed a slight panicked look cross Tanya's face at being singled out for singing first and the smirk on the Professor's lips. It seemed the only one that didn't know that Professor Snape wasn't really a Drama Teacher and was just going along with the whole Theater Club thing because he seemingly couldn't say no was Tanya herself and Snape was taking pleasure in messing with her as much as could.

Tanya closed her eyes and took a deep breath in. "Vansaai ia cram cross tser los. Jessubay nam guo war." Paravati was certain it wasn't just her jaw that dropped as Tanya belted out whatever those words were in such a crystal clear and pretty voice.

"Schpetzy kazagrem schommy shatzgem. Toad tangerloo worm. Szar. Szar. Crow."

The strength of her voice and the passion was pallaple. Parvati stood up straighter as she listened, her eyes unable to focus anywhere other than Tanya's singing. If anyone was going to have such a powerful, beautiful singing voice, Parvati would have thought Lavender or maybe Lily, not rough little Tanya. The entire room was filled with only Tanya's voice as she sang on in some unknown language.

As she finished up her song a little over a minute later, the Weasley Twins broke everyone out of their stupor with loud applause and whistling, getting the rest of the club to join in. Tanya's face flushed red and a smile crossed her lips before she took another deep breath and schooled her features back into that hard to read expression she always wore, but with reddened cheeks to show she was pleased with herself.

"Right, very good," Professor Snape drawled out, his expression looking more annoyed than normal.

"That's going to be a tough act to follow," One of the Weasley Twins said with a laugh.

"Indeed indeed. Who would have thought little Troll Crusher had such a lovely singing voice?" The other one agreed, nodding along sagely.

"Perhaps you two could show everyone how you would follow her up," Snape suggested, glaring at the Twins.

The Twins looked Snape. "Us?" The first asked.

"I suppose we could," the second said, a fresh grin forming on both faces.

"Shall we?"

"We shall."

The twins then began to belt out some song rather badly, clearly focused more on getting laughs out of everyone than actually performing well with their antics.

The rest of the club meeting was spent with everyone singing some song for the group. Most of the club tried their best to sound good with a few following in the twin's footsteps and purposely doing badly. As the meeting came to an end, Parvati was sure no one else was as good as Tanya.

 

[Maleficarum]

As always this story is a breath of fresh air compared to normal HP fics. The slice of life is a nice palate cleanser compared to a lot of other fics and generally it's just a fun time reading all of this.

 

[CILinkz]

maybe they can make a Theatre play like "the Sword in the Stone" and rehearse and train for it

 

[dmantisk]

I'm enjoying the slice o' life stuff as well.
And I'd like to thank you for including the bits about Tanya motivating Ron to improve himself. I love seeing that kind of things in stories.

 

[Half_Baked_cat]

Oops. Did not mean to include the notes at the end there. Ignore you saw anything.

 

[Ceifeiros]

Really enjoying this story. Like someone above me said its a breath of fresh air. All the characters have their own voice and personality and don't seem to be cutouts of one another. Glad I stumbled on this gem.

 

[Dragonslayer Ornstein]

As always this story is a breath of fresh air compared to normal HP fics. The slice of life is a nice palate cleanser compared to a lot of other fics and generally it's just a fun time reading all of this.

Click to shrink...

It is, seeing Tanya attempt to child is fun and sweet to see when things work out for her. I've read the manga and her life is not a happy one, so having the chance to just enjoy the wonders of what magic can do when not used for war is a very welcome change of pace I imagine.

Also, Dumbles thinking that Tanya is Fae is hilarious, and I can't wait for all the testing to be done! Salt circle around a chair to see if she can sit in it, putting an acorn on the table to see if she tries to steal it, offering a white piece of cloth and expecting it to burst into flames only for nothing to happen… I can't wait!

 

[Maleficarum]

What it think is hilarious is everyone's reaction when Tanya asks Hermione or another girl out. Because late 1990s to early 2000s 100% people didn't expect anyone they knew to not be heterosexual, unless they were very very obvious about it

 

[Half_Baked_cat]

The careless use of language can lead to miscommunication. Miscommunication has led to the current world we exist in. Good Morning Fatherland! This is your favorite radio host Second Lieutenant Tanya Degurechaff fresh from the battlefield. Our neighbors to the north decided to trespass onto Imperial land and we responded aggressively to remove this blatant violation of immigration laws. Not a single one of them went through the proper channels to obtain a Visa, can you believe that dear listeners?

And I was right there in the middle of it all, an adorable nine year old just floating in the air observing everything like I was supposed to when some big grown men came at me to touch me in inappropriate ways. Mostly by filling me full of holes and lead. As I was unarmed due to being too small to carry the radio equipment and a rifle, I requested to retreat and was denied. I was told to instead hold off the enemy until reinforcements could arrive in approximately five minutes. Not sure what they expected me to do to delay them, maybe a little song and dance? Whatever it was, they never bothered telling me so I went in close and did the best I could.

I ended up blowing myself up. Don't worry dear listeners, I'm still alive. It'll take more than one suicidal explosion to take me out. From what management has informed me, I took out six of the illegal aliens and my reward is some pretty jewelry and assignment to a research facility. I should have the inside scoop on all sorts of upcoming tech we will be rolling out shortly.

In other news, have any of you noticed the moon? Not the big one, but the second smaller one with the glowing red eyes and big friendly grin. Where did it come from? What are its plans for us? Should we prepare to fight in space?

And now for the Children's Fun Fact Science Corner!

Time is an artificial construct of human making. It dilates due to speed and gravity with no truly subjective point of reference. With enough speed and gravity it is possible to return to the our youthful past and tell our younger self that it is incredibly rude to tell a child to die for a momentary distraction of an enemy force.

That was the Children's Fun Fact Science Corner!

I just received a message from management. It is a reminder from the Kaiser's secret police, you know those sharply dressed people with a bleeding hole where their eyes should be. The message is: The Hierarchy of Angels is privileged information and only to be shared on a need to know basis. I for one fully agree with this decision as knowing who is in control of those awful things is not important when doing pest control. Remember audience, meet an Angel, kill and Angel.

And now, I take you to The Weather.

https://youtu.be/3qFzDGnQ-Tg

With that my dear listeners, it is time for this show to come to an end. I hope you had a wonderful time with me today. Stay tuned for an hour of quiet contemplation interrupted by the quiet sobs of a frightened woman in the room next door. Farewell Fatherland. Farewell.