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Teacher Nightmare [Naruto]

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Your name is Kakashi Hatake and you've been given the dubious privilege of being the ninja...

GoC

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Your name is Kakashi Hatake and you've been given the dubious privilege of being the ninja teacher to the three highest potential ninja in this generation. The last loyal Uchiha (a model student), a jinchuriki (horrible prankster) and an R&D test subject (schizo orphan).

A glance at the clock shows you are expected (hah) at the Academy to pick up your students in... about five minutes.

What do you do?

[X] You should be on time for once...
[X] Finally get around to reading your new student's profiles. The waiting will teach them patience.
[X] You have porn to read.
[X] ... the memorial stone calls. It's brooding time.

-------------------------

WARNING: AU

So I finally gave in and started this (goddamn it, there have been soooo many Naruto quests recently...). Feel free to try write-ins.

EDIT:
Character sheets seem to have become necessary (note that these convey Kakashi's knowledge only):

Naruto_newshot.png

Uzumaki Naruto.
Bloodline: Nine-tails jinchuriki. No known contact or use of powers.
Personality traits: Strong desire for acknowledgement. Histrionic personality disorder. Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. Canny and creative but not very clever.
Relationships: Likes Sakura partly due to her initial acceptance of, and interaction with, him. Dislikes Sasuke for getting all the praise Naruto feels he deserves. Shunned by his peers for his pranks and earlier history.
Abilities: Very fast regeneration. Hearing and smell as good as nin-dogs. Possibly unknown bijuu powers. Massive amount of chakra with terrible control.
Skills: Excellent at stealth and trap making. Knows Shadow Clone, Replacement, Henge and Air Blast.
Overall combat ability: High Chunnin.
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Uchiha Sasuke.
Bloodline: Sharingan. Two tomoe.
Personality traits: Desires vengeance on his brother above all else. Antisocial personality disorder. Schizoid personality disorder. Quite intelligent and a good student. Very driven.
Relationships: Feels apathy and a bit of contempt towards most of his classmates. He is afraid of Sakura due to her stalking and assaults and expresses this fear as hatred. There is also likely to be jealousy (Sakura does not have to drive herself anywhere near as hard to be powerful and competent) and insecurity (the superiority of the Sharingan is fundamental to the Uchiha, failing is betraying his family). Has a minor contempt for Naruto's lack of skill and intelligence. Respected by his peers and considered a great catch by the girls his age.
Abilities: Eyes allow copying jutsu, seeing chakra, anticipating an opponent's moves and improving genjutsu.
Skills: Tree-climbing, conscious chakra enhancement, good chakra control. Large library of E, D and C rank ninjutsu. Some E and D rank genjutsu.
Overall combat ability: High chunnin.

SakuraGif.gif

Haruno Sakura.
Bloodline: Sentient chakra system with bijuu traits.
Personality traits: Is actually two individuals, though it's hard to differentiate between them. Obsessive compulsive disorder. Good "book smarts" with excellent memory.
Relationships:Obsessed with Sasuke, will constantly attempt to be near him. Mild dislike for Naruto due to his attention-seeking behavior.
Abilities: Genjutsu immunity, perfect control (and hence perfect muscle/durability/speed enhancement), (slow) regeneration, nigh-instant jutsu casting, does not need hand-seals, nigh-instant chakra regeneration, very low chakra capacity with fixed growth rate. Chakra disrupted in presence of Mokuton.
Skills: Water walking. Recently discovered elemental chakra and can use the five basic elements and Ice Release, Lava Release, Explosion Release and Steel Release (no proper jutsu known for any of them). Knows Replacement, Henge, Illusionary Clone and Body Flicker. Excellent knowledge of Academy subjects.
Overall combat ability: High chunnin.
 
[X] Finally get around to reading your new student's profiles. The waiting will teach them patience.
 
[X] Finally get around to reading your new student's profiles. The waiting will teach them patience.
- - [X] Of course, the KICKER is that you're going to seated UPSIDE down on the ceiling of the classroom, cloaked in a LOW LEVEL genjutsu while you do this... let's see if ANYONE of them can spot you...
 
[x]Use your Ninja Skills to read their dossiers with Near Sharingan proficiency while you head over only slightly late.
 
[X] Finally get around to reading your new student's profiles. The waiting will teach them patience.
- - [X] Of course, the KICKER is that you're going to seated UPSIDE down on the ceiling of the classroom, cloaked in a LOW LEVEL genjutsu while you do this... let's see if ANYONE of them can spot you...
 
considering there is already a funny one of these on SB should this be serious?...screw it.


[X] Finally get around to reading your new student's profiles. The waiting will teach them patience.
- - [X] Of course, the KICKER is that you're going to seated UPSIDE down on the ceiling of the classroom, cloaked in a LOW LEVEL genjutsu while you do this... let's see if ANYONE of them can spot you...
 
[X] Finally get around to reading your new student's profiles. The waiting will teach them patience.

Alternatively, just show on time, just to troll all the jounins and chounins that will be there. :p


Got ninja'd, and you guys got a much better vote:

[X] Finally get around to reading your new student's profiles. The waiting will teach them patience.
- - [X] Of course, the KICKER is that you're going to seated UPSIDE down on the ceiling of the classroom, cloaked in a LOW LEVEL genjutsu while you do this... let's see if ANYONE of them can spot you...
 
[X] Finally get around to reading your new student's profiles. The waiting will teach them patience.
- - [X] Of course, the KICKER is that you're going to seated UPSIDE down on the ceiling of the classroom, cloaked in a LOW LEVEL genjutsu while you do this... let's see if ANYONE of them can spot you...
 
I should really have posted this earlier, it's bed time now and closing votes after just an hour doesn't seem fair...
Ah well, tomorrow it is.
 
[X] Finally get around to reading your new student's profiles. The waiting will teach them patience.
- - [X] Of course, the KICKER is that you're going to seated UPSIDE down on the ceiling of the classroom, cloaked in a LOW LEVEL genjutsu while you do this... let's see if ANYONE of them can spot you...

R&D test subject?
 
[X] Finally get around to reading your new student's profiles. The waiting will teach them patience.
- - [X] Of course, the KICKER is that you're going to seated UPSIDE down on the ceiling of the classroom, cloaked in a LOW LEVEL genjutsu while you do this... let's see if ANYONE of them can spot you...
 
[X] Finally get around to reading your new student's profiles. The waiting will teach them patience.
- - [X] Of course, the KICKER is that you're going to seated UPSIDE down on the ceiling of the classroom, cloaked in a LOW LEVEL genjutsu while you do this... let's see if ANYONE of them can spot you...

Oh my, looks interesting... ehehe
 
[X] Finally get around to reading your new student's profiles. The waiting will teach them patience.
- - [X] Of course, the KICKER is that you're going to seated UPSIDE down on the ceiling of the classroom, cloaked in a LOW LEVEL genjutsu while you do this... let's see if ANYONE of them can spot you...
 
So Sakura's and R and D experiement this time? OR not sakura at all.
 
I think this will quickly become Students Nightmare.
[X] Finally get around to reading your new student's profiles. The waiting will teach them patience.
- - [X] Of course, the KICKER is that you're going to seated UPSIDE down on the ceiling of the classroom, cloaked in a LOW LEVEL genjutsu while you do this... let's see if ANYONE of them can spot you...
 
[X] Finally get around to reading your new student's profiles. The waiting will teach them patience.
- - [X] Of course, the KICKER is that you're going to seated UPSIDE down on the ceiling of the classroom, cloaked in a LOW LEVEL genjutsu while you do this... let's see if ANYONE of them can spot you...
 
[X] Finally get around to reading your new student's profiles. The waiting will teach them patience.
- - [X] Of course, the KICKER is that you're going to seated UPSIDE down on the ceiling of the classroom, cloaked in a LOW LEVEL genjutsu while you do this... let's see if ANYONE of them can spot you...
 
Ok, so I did most of the writing and then realized that maybe you wanted to read the profiles while seated upside down...
So, did you?
 
[X] Finally get around to reading your new student's profiles. The waiting will teach them patience.
- - [X] Of course, the KICKER is that you're going to seated UPSIDE down on the ceiling of the classroom, cloaked in a LOW LEVEL genjutsu while you do this... let's see if ANYONE of them can spot you...

You hop along to the Academy and Stone Meld through the ceiling near the back of the class with a suite of rare anti-detection jutsu active like a ninja! (yes, you actually DO know a thousand jutsu!)

Kurenai rolls her eyes at you. The rest of the gathered jounin either ignore or don't notice you as the teams are announced and they go forwards to collect their students.
Sheesh. What's the point of knowing all those cool jutsu if you don't use them to troll people? ^_^

You turn off all but smell suppression and fire off a D-rank "don't look over here" genjutsu.

A pink haired girl immediately looks around frantically like a spooked rabbit, spots you and freezes. The two boys next to her (your other two future pets! you shall call them Broody and Blondy...) turn in your direction, triggering a chain reaction around the room.

A temporary "notice me not" genjutsu and their eyes (minus pinky's) glaze over and pass you by. If they want to spot you they must do so without the hints! ^_^

You settle down to start skimming the profiles:

Uzumaki Naruto. Nine-tails jinchuriki orphan. Strong desire for acknowledgement. Histrionic personality disorder. Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. Canny and creative but not very clever.
Likes Sakura partly due to her initial acceptance of, and interaction with, him. Dislikes Sasuke for getting all the praise Naruto feels he deserves. Shunned by his peers for his pranks and earlier history. Moderate risk of going missing-nin.
Way more chakra than you with crappy control to match. His passenger gives him incredibly rapid regeneration and senses that would make Inuzuka envious. Durable and strong with an uncomplicated brawling style, likely incapable of genjutsu, knows Shadow Clone, Replacement and Henge. Suspected to be a ninjutsu savant.

Uchiha Sasuke. Last of the Uchiha. Recently orphaned. Desires vengeance on his brother above all else. Antisocial personality disorder. Schizoid personality disorder. Quite intelligent and a good student.
Feels apathy and a bit of contempt towards his classmates with the exception of Sakura whom he hates for no reason the teachers can determine. Respected by his peers and considered a great catch by the girls in class. High risk of going missing-nin.
A very impressive amount of chakra for a genin, with very good control. Unlocked his Sharingan three years ago in the Uchiha Massacre and currently has two tomoe in each eye. Excellent physical abilities for a gennin, very good taijutsu, knows some genjutsu and has a moderately large ninjutsu library of E, D and even a few C rank techniques.

Haruno Sakura. Unknown origin. Orphan adopted by Harunos. Obsession with Sasuke Uchiha. Multiple personality disorder. Obsessive compulsive disorder. Good "book smarts" with excellent memory.
Obsessed with Sasuke, will constantly attempt to be near him. Mild dislike for Naruto due to his attention-seeking behavior. Low risk of going missing-nin unless Sasuke goes, in which case risk is high.
A chakra capacity that would give six year old Sasuke a run for his money but excellent control. Strength, speed, durability and taijutsu are... unrated? Odd. Highly resistant to genjutsu. Knows some basic sealing. Knows two E rank genjutsu and the basic three ninjutsu. Does not need hand-seals for her jutsu.


Looks like your cute little ninja decided to get a head start on getting a collection of odd quirks and disorders that seems mandatory for high level nin.
Speaking of which... The hokage gave you the impression that this was to be a team of three future S-ranks, not two of them and a useless cheerleader (seriously, that's enough chakra for maybe a couple of Replacements)...

Oh, of course! This is the standard teacher profile, she probably has a top secret profile as well with further information detailing whatever bullshit Bloodlimit she must have to make up for the lowest chakra capacity of any ninja you've heard of! You remind yourself to pick it up later.

It's at this point that Sakura timidly asks if you're going to introduce yourself.

With the unnoticeability genjutsu broken all three are looking at you now. How do you respond?
 
[X] Do the cool nin thing, and flip down to land perfectly before them.
- - [X] Give Sakura points for spotting you, pat her on the head.
- - [X] Let's do the traditional team 7 introduction on the roof of the academy with a clear view of the Hokage monument.
- - - - [X] Only, when it's your turn to introduce yourself, try to be a bit less obvious about telling them nothing useful.
- - [X] First Impressions are important! Remember to look COOL WITHOUT trying to appear so.
 
[X] Do the cool nin thing, and flip down to land perfectly before them.
- - [X] Give Sakura points for spotting you, pat her on the head.
- - [X] Let's do the traditional team 7 introduction on the roof of the academy with a clear view of the Hokage monument.
- - - - [X] Only, when it's your turn to introduce yourself, try to be a bit less obvious about telling them nothing useful.
- - [X] First Impressions are important! Remember to look COOL WITHOUT trying to appear so.
 
[X] Do the cool nin thing, and flip down to land perfectly before them.
- - [X] Give Sakura points for spotting you, pat her on the head.
- - [X] Let's do the traditional team 7 introduction on the roof of the academy with a clear view of the Hokage monument.
- - - - [X] Only, when it's your turn to introduce yourself, try to be a bit less obvious about telling them nothing useful.
- - [X] First Impressions are important! Remember to look COOL WITHOUT trying to appear so.
 
[X] Do the cool nin thing, and flip down to land perfectly before them.
- - [X] Give Sakura points for spotting you, pat her on the head.
- - [X] Let's do the traditional team 7 introduction on the roof of the academy with a clear view of the Hokage monument.
- - - - [X] Only, when it's your turn to introduce yourself, try to be a bit less obvious about telling them nothing useful.
- - [X] First Impressions are important! Remember to look COOL WITHOUT trying to appear so.
 
[X] Do the cool nin thing, and flip down to land perfectly before them.
- - [X] Give Sakura points for spotting you, pat her on the head.
- - [X] Let's do the traditional team 7 introduction on the roof of the academy with a clear view of the Hokage monument.
- - - - [X] Only, when it's your turn to introduce yourself, try to be a bit less obvious about telling them nothing useful.
- - [X] First Impressions are important! Remember to look COOL WITHOUT trying to appear so.
 
[X] Do the cool nin thing, and flip down to land perfectly before them.
- - [X] Give Sakura points for spotting you, pat her on the head.
- - [X] Let's do the traditional team 7 introduction on the roof of the academy with a clear view of the Hokage monument.
- - - - [X] Only, when it's your turn to introduce yourself, try to be a bit less obvious about telling them nothing useful.
- - [X] First Impressions are important! Remember to look COOL WITHOUT trying to appear so.

And my bow!
 

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