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Teacher Nightmare [Naruto]

[X] Do the cool nin thing, and flip down to land perfectly before them.
- - [X] Give Sakura points for spotting you, pat her on the head.
- - [X] Let's do the traditional team 7 introduction on the roof of the academy with a clear view of the Hokage monument.
- - - - [X] Only, when it's your turn to introduce yourself, try to be a bit less obvious about telling them nothing useful.
- - [X] First Impressions are important! Remember to look COOL WITHOUT trying to appear so.

And my Accordion!
 
[X] Do the cool nin thing, and flip down to land perfectly before them.
- - [X] Give Sakura points for spotting you, pat her on the head.
- - [X] Let's do the traditional team 7 introduction on the roof of the academy with a clear view of the Hokage monument.
- - - - [X] Only, when it's your turn to introduce yourself, try to be a bit less obvious about telling them nothing useful.
- - [X] First Impressions are important! Remember to look COOL WITHOUT trying to appear so.
 
[X] Biigoh, my musket is yours too!
 
[X] I've only got an axe. Do you mind having duplicates?
 
[X] Do the cool nin thing, and flip down to land perfectly before them.
- - [X] Give Sakura points for spotting you, pat her on the head.
- - [X] Let's do the traditional team 7 introduction on the roof of the academy with a clear view of the Hokage monument.
- - - - [X] Only, when it's your turn to introduce yourself, try to be a bit less obvious about telling them nothing useful.
- - [X] First Impressions are important! Remember to look COOL WITHOUT trying to appear so.
 
[X] Do the cool nin thing, and flip down to land perfectly before them.
- - [X] Give Sakura points for spotting you, pat her on the head.
- - [X] Let's do the traditional team 7 introduction on the roof of the academy with a clear view of the Hokage monument.
- - - - [X] Only, when it's your turn to introduce yourself, try to be a bit less obvious about telling them nothing useful.
- - [X] First Impressions are important! Remember to look COOL WITHOUT trying to appear so.

...

They are unimpressed by your cool nin thing. Why are they unimpressed by your cool nin thing?!

Why you'll-

No. You are cool and collected and aren't going to get upset at the no-fun party-poopers... You'll just have to do better.

You give Sakura a little pat on the head (aww, such a cute blush!) and tell them to meet you on the roof, vanishing in a perfect body flicker. That impressed them a bit more. Good.

Introductions are disturbing enough that you actually get serious for a while.

The barely masked hate-born insanity that appears beneath the surface when Sasuke refers to his brother...
The determination and stubbornness masking the bitterness, rage and hurt in Naruto when he talks of his dream...
The hateful look Sasuke gives Sakura and the manic gleam in her eyes when she looks back...

Making a loyal team out of this mess is going to be like herding cats. No... herding dire laser badgers. Who are on fire. In a busy shopping center. Yeah. Describes the imminent mayhem and death pretty well.

Well, moment of seriousness over.

"I'm Hatake Kakashi. I like synergistically achieving "Somnium pro posterus" stakeholder satisfaction and goal fulfillment. I dislike repeating myself. My main dream for the future is to come up with better strategies to achieve my previously mentioned likes. My hobbies are classified." At least they are now that I've said that. ^_^

"Um... Sensei?"

"Yes, Sakura?"

"...Never mind."

^_^

Hmm... You could go with your standard bell test, but something tells you that wouldn't end well. What to do...?
 
[X] Do the standard bell test. If When they fail, you get a free pass out of herding cats dire laser badgers, who are on fire, in a busy shopping center.
 
[X] Well, the bell test won't work. You can tell that already. So instead, drop them in the forest of death for a week or three. You'll keep an eye on them, of course. Well, when you're not busy doing other things.
 
[X] Well, the bell test won't work. You can tell that already. So instead, drop them in the forest of death for a week or three. You'll keep an eye on them, of course. Well, when you're not busy doing other things.

GoC said:
Making a loyal team out of this mess is going to be like herding cats. No... herding dire laser badgers. Who are on fire. In a busy shopping center. Yeah. Describes the imminent mayhem and death pretty well.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
This line is hilarious.
 
[X]Do the standard bell test. If When they fail, you get a free pass out of herding cats dire laser badgers, who are on fire in a busy shopping center.
-if they somehow inexplicably succeed, make them live with each other, its the best way to get the to work together. You may want to break Pinky of her love for Emosuke first, it's looking dangerously close to*shiver* Yandere.

or

[X] Hand them each a kunai, lock them in a room, and tell them they can only pass if they talk to each other about their issues. If they don't talk or kill each other before you finish reading your collection of porn, and looking at the monument they fail.
 
[X] Well, the bell test won't work. You can tell that already. So instead, drop them in the forest of death for a week or three. You'll keep an eye on them, of course. Well, when you're not busy doing other things.
[X] Go have a TALK with the students individually;
- - [X] Sakura on GIVING some space to Sasuke
- - [X] Sasuke on the BENEFITS of working with others, teamwork to shore up weaknessness, numbers ARE a quality.
- - [X] Naruto on relaxing... that if can just work at not chasing after Sakura and just BE himself for once, he'll get the acknowledgement he so desires.
 
[X] Well, the bell test won't work. You can tell that already. So instead, drop them in the forest of death for a week or three. You'll keep an eye on them, of course. Well, when you're not busy doing other things.
-Remember to forbid them to split up.
 
[X] Well, the bell test won't work. You can tell that already. So instead, drop them in the forest of death for a week or three. You'll keep an eye on them, of course. Well, when you're not busy doing other things.
-Remember to forbid them to split up.
 
[X] Well, the bell test won't work. You can tell that already. So instead, drop them in the forest of death for a week or three. You'll keep an eye on them, of course. Well, when you're not busy doing other things.
-[X]Forbid them to split up.
-[X]Ask Anko for help spicing up the test. Nothing like a simulated enemy ninja attack to incentive team work.
 
[X] Hmm. How about a reverse bell test? Give each one a bell, then you try to take them back. If any of them lose their bell before noon, they all fail.
 
Accidentally pressed post. Sorry.

EDIT: Points to anyone who can figure out why Sakura doesn't kawarami.
 
[X] Well, the bell test won't work. You can tell that already. So instead, drop them in the forest of death for a week or three. You'll keep an eye on them, of course. Well, when you're not busy doing other things.
-[X]Forbid them to split up.

You explain that they have to pass a test to become gennin under a jounin-sensei, one with a 66% failure rate.

"I normally have simple and quick little test, but for you guys I think I'll just put you in the Forest of Death for a week and see if you survive." You do your eye smile.

"Do you think we're stupid?" Sasuke asks.

You give the Uchiha a little dose of the ol' Killer Intent.

"...I apologize for my disrespect, sensei. But this team has the two most capable ninja to graduate from the Academy in a decade -"

"Yeah! We're awesome!"

"- a week long test would be wasting time for a formality... Unless this is an attempt at a team bonding excercise."

"Sasuke is so smart... <3"

He shudders minutely, then continues.

"It won't work. Sakura is insane -" "He doesn't mean that, it's a ruse to trick Kakashi!" "-and Naruto is incompetent." "HEY!"

You reply, "Eh, all that fancy analysis. It's just because I'm very busy and don't want to take the time to test you." Eye smile.

"But now that I think about it, it'd be a shame to waste this opportunity for some good old fashioned team work, so I forbid you from splitting up. Off to the forest you go!"

"Huh?"

"Sensei-"

"We don't-"

They are cut off by your Shadow Clones Flickering them to the middle of the forest. Long range body flicker requires some time to set up and some clones at the other end, but it's so worth it seeing the looks on their faces. ^_^

.o0o.

That went south quickly.

Sasuke recommended (ordered) Naruto to scout the area, Naruto got up in his face about it. Sakura touched him lightly on the back of the neck (for "Attacking Sasuke-kun!"), electrocuting him. Then knelt down and started doing what looked like seal work while the jinchuriki was twitching on the ground. You heard her muttering something about "not ruining this chance with Sasuke-kun".

Sasuke whacks her on the back of the head while she's distracted and then ties her to a tree (and gags her) while she's dazed. She actually looks excited for a bit when she recovers.

Naruto is coherent again, but is paralyzed from the neck down and shouting abuse.

"Naruto, I'd try and remove the seal but you'd insist on freeing Sakura and that's not a risk I can take."

Naruto ends up gagged ("Sorry about the gag, but all your shouting might attract something") and hanging from the tree while Sasuke starts setting traps around the area.

Hmm... you're not sure just leaving them to it is going to result in much team work... Oh my, is that a 30ft chakra adept tiger coming this way?
 
Bad idea coming up!

[X] While Sasuke is busy with/getting mauled by the tiger, discretely loosen Sakura's and Naruto's ties.
 
Naruto has a paralysis seal on him, you can remove it in a jiffy but there isn't really any "loosening" involved. It's either there or not.
 
sakura scares the crap out of me -_-;

[X] undo the paralysis seal on Naruto, but put Sakura under a high level genjutsu where Sasuke falls for...Naruto. Because, considering her psychoses, you need to know how she will react. Yeah, that's why you're doing this, yup. No other motive at all.>:D
 
[X] Things seem to be going well so far. Use this opportunity to check up on Sakura's secret profile. The other's too, if they have one.
 
[x]Let the Tiger crash in but do something to make it's prescence know ahead of time. Set it up to break the para seal on naruto at a dramatically appropriate time if they don't take it off to survive.
 
[X] This is a test. There's really no need to help this group pass, it'd defeat the purpose of having a test to begin with. If they get eaten by a tiger then they get eaten by a tiger.
[X] Do extract Naruto before the containment is breached, though. You don't want your Genin test to be responsible for the next Kyuubi attack.
 
[X] Wait until the tiger shows up
- [X] If they don't get their act together in time to stop it, save them, inform them they fail, and drop them at the academy.

Normally, Kakashi test is to try to pit them against each other and pass them only if they work together anyway. These guys? They failed to work together despite being told to, in the face of an external threat. FAIL!
 
[X] Wait until the tiger shows up
- [X] If they don't get their act together in time to stop it, save them, inform them they fail, and drop them at the academy.
 
True.

[X] Wait until the tiger shows up
- [X] If they don't get their act together in time to stop it, save them, inform them they fail, and drop them at the academy.
 
[X] While Sasuke is busy with/getting mauled by the tiger, discretely loosen Sakura's and Naruto's ties.
- - [X] If they don't get their act together in time to stop it, save them, inform them they fail, and drop them at the academy.
- - [X] If they get their act togethr, make sure that nothing TOO dangerous is encountered.
- - [X] Keeo track of their activities, GRADE them with points for good things and demerit points for bad things.
- - [X] "Show up" in the evening and grade their activities for the day
 
[X] Wait until the tiger shows up
- [X] If they don't get their act together in time to stop it, save them, inform them they fail, and drop them at the academy.

This is the only sane suggestion in this lot.
 
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