The QUICK and the DEADBEAT

[Tangent]

The Quick and the Deadbeat
Yet another SI set in a Sonic AU setting!
Issues? I'll have you know that I have subscriptions!

O o O o O​

Spoiler: Cover Image

​

O o O o O​

Ugh… I ache all over, and feel like I literally collided with somebody while running.

Which is patently ridiculous, as I haven't been able to run since that car accident in '95.

"Odd…" a maddeningly familiar voice that I couldn't quite place commented. "That wasn't what the Inverted Duplicate Ray was supposed to do at all."

Okay, blue sky, leafy trees, fluffy clouds, scents of nature, sea salt, and machinery (any of which would be impressive on its own given how poor my sense of smell normally is). Other than the ache, I feel oddly good. Strangely light and even… energetic? Moobs are still there, but my gut is gone?

How?

Oh, wait - those aren't moobs.

And I'm not human either.

I sit up - a miracle in and of itself, as the last time I was on my back in the grass it took two burly paramedics to get me up and on my feet again - and take stock of myself. Blue and beige fur, blue quills, definitely female, no clothes…

Seriously, I don't even have the shoes, gloves, scarf, and ridiculously misapplied athletic tape the other blue hedgehog staring at me from right over there is wearing.

Hmmm…

He looks like a possibly older version of the one from the Jim Carrey movies, only wearing the Sonic Boom outfit. It's not an exact match, but he's definitely more of a "this can biologically exist" type anthropomorphic blue hedgehog. And not the Uncanny Valley version either.

Kinda cute in that "ew, no - that's my brother" way.

What the fucking Hell, brain!?

"Well?" The too familiar voice spoke again, and I turned my head to look at…

Why does that guy look like a live action version of the Dr. Eggman from Sonic Boom!?

Well, at least that explains why I sort of recognized the voice - it was most likely close to whatever voice the character in the show had.

"By any chance, have either of you two morons set off a Genesis Wave Device?" I snark, interrupting whatever this Eggman was going to say.

"How rude!" knock-off off brand Ivo Robotnik protested. "I'll have you know that this device was supposed to create an inverted version of whatever the beam hit! You're supposed to be evil, not female!"

"Whatever, Jimbo," I waved off his complaints as I stood up and shook my limbs prior to doing some stretches to limber up and get used to the feel of my new body.

"My name isn't Jimbo! It's…"

"Bob!" I interjected with a grin.

"What? NO! I'm…"

"Dave!" I interrupted him again. This was kinda fun!

"Are you going to let me finish?"

"Maybe?"

"Go die in a fire."

"Nah - It's my birthday, Pops, so I'm just gonna hit you up for some cash and go buy me a pair of shoes like my bro has."

"What makes you think I'm going to give you any money!?"

In a blur of motion, I crossed the distance between us, punched him in the thigh hard enough to trigger a Charlie horse, and rifled through all of his pockets before he even hit the ground screaming in pain.

"Did you just mug Eggman?" Sonic asked, staring at me as if… Well, I think he hasn't stopped staring at me since I had abruptly popped into existence.

"Are you slow?" I asked, tilting my head to the side as I paused counting the cash I took from the wallet I conveniently found. "Daddy owes me a new pair of shoes."

"I'm not your father!" Eggman denied as he desperately tried to massage the monkey bubble out of his thigh so he could stand up again.

"Oh no, my father has rejected me - whatever shall I do?" I snark blandly as I resume counting my money as I walk away. "I know! I'll go buy some expensive shoes and start thwarting plans!"

"Look, this is funny and all, but you can't go around mugging people," Sonic started moralizing at me.

"How else am I going to get Dad to pay for a pair of shoes?" I replied in what I felt was a reasonable tone…

 

[Doctor]

Tangent, I really Really wanna know what goes through your head that every story of yours I've read has been some level of awesome by page one.

 

[Tangent]

The Quick and the Deadbeat
Yet another SI set in a Sonic AU setting!
Issues? I'll have you know that I have subscriptions!

O o O o O​

"You might want to wait here and let me head into the village to buy you some clothes," Sonic offered.

"Thanks, Bro, but I don't trust you with Dad's wallet," I countered. "You and him don't get along."

"You literally stole his wallet."

"Aggressively borrowed with an indeterminate intent to maybe return it… eventually."

"That's called stealing."

"I prefer creative acquisitions."

"Cool, I prefer calling the cops 'creative consequences.'"

"Uhuh, I totally believe you," I replied in a flat tone that indicated that I didn't believe him at all.

"I bet you and Rouge would get along like a house on fire."

"Nah, I'm not into arson," I commented. "Although a good explosion might be fun…"

"That's not at all what I meant," Sonic muttered under his breath. "Look, at least let me get some clothes for you first before we enter the village."

"Why? You aren't wearing pants either."

"That isn't the issue - we both have enough fur down there for basic modesty."

"You aren't wearing a shirt either. I don't think that scarf counts."

"Maybe so, but I'm a guy and you're…"

"Awesome?" I interjected with a manic grin. "Majestic? Fabulous? Insufferable? Magnificent?"

"Well, you're definitely one of those," Sonic commented quietly to himself again before speaking up. "Look, how about I go in, buy you some stuff to wear, then come back with a receipt and you can pay me back?"

"Sure thing, Big Bro!"

"Why do you keep calling me Bro?"

"Would you rather I call you Mom?"

"No."

"Well there you go then."

O o O o O​

I sat on a rock watching the waves hit the beach as I waited for Sonic to return. The air had a definite salty scent to it that I only just now realized that I had just lumped in with the other natural odors rather than the scents I associated with industry or farming.

Anyway, at a guess, I was basically isekai'd into what I figured to be a Sonic Boom type world by means that probably actually have nothing to do with whatever device the local version of Eggman tried to use on Sonic. The voice was vaguely familiar, a bit gruff but not terribly deep. Not really Jim Carrey's take on Robotnik, but not really not that voice either? And I only ever watched a few Sonic Boom Out of Context videos before, so I couldn't rule out the voice being that one either.

Proportion wise, everything seemed to mostly match the Boom setting too, even if the level of detail was all live actiony. Sonic and I had fur and quills rather than texture shading, and the front of our torsos were bare skin. Which would probably net this show an R rating just from my boobs alone assuming the camera angles didn't keep showing me from conveniently PG angles.

Not that I saw any cameras nor heard any camera crews anywhere nearby.

Speaking of which, cameras or not, I did realize that I should probably be feeling more mortified and embarrassed than I really was. I should probably be feeling alarmed at my situation too, but I wasn't. It wasn't that I didn't care that I was a female version of Sonic the Hedgehog. I just wasn't particularly upset that the me that was me is now the me that is me. And this me is a lot more healthy and energetic than the previous me had been. And had a full head of…

…well, quills actually, but I'll take those over having Jean-Luc Picard's hairline with Weird Al Yankovich's hair anyday.

Kinda hard to feel dysmorphia over the new body when virtually everything important is basically an improvement over the old one. I mean, so what if I'm several feet shorter and a few hundred pounds lighter - I was now a variant of the Fastest Thing Alive!

Well, assuming that neither Barry Allen nor Wally West were in this world. DC did have that crossover recently, but I doubt it was with this world.

Hmmm…

I haven't swum in a long while, but unlike Boom Sonic who claimed to not know how to swim, I actually had swimming lessons as a kid, even if I hadn't really swam since my previous me was in my twenties.

So why not have a quick swim while I waited for Sonic to get back?

Putting thought to motion, I zipped out over the water. Oh, this is so cool! I'm actually running on top of the water! This is seriously beyond fast - a real Dash Par moment even!

An awesome moment that is utterly ruined when I trip on a wave, and immediately sink as if my female body fat ratio means nothing at all…

BAD IDEA! BAD IDEA!

WHY IS MY NATURAL BOUYANCY BELOW THE SURFACE OF THE WATER!?

HEDGEHOGS ARE SUPPOSED TO FLOAT!

THESE TWO USELESS LUMPS ARE NOT FLOATY ENOUGH!

WHAT DIRECTION IS THE SURFACE IN!?

WHAT DIRECTION IS THE SHORE IN!?

WHAT IS THE AVERAGE AIR SPEED OF A COCONUT LADEN SWALLOW!?

…

Really, Brain? Monty Python at a time like this?

Oh, hey, there's the bottom, and the slope goes up in that direction. Just need to reach the shore before I run out of air.

Hey! Stop with the about-to-drown music already! I get it, I get it! No swimmy swimmy for me anymore in this life either!

God, you'd think I ate a Devil Fruit or something!

Anyway, my lungs may have been burning from how long I held my breath, but I did at least get to the point where I could hold my nose above the water with my feet in the sand below the waves.

Well, this sucks - I really wanted to swim too…

O o O o O​

"I got you some clothes, based on what i thought i might like if I was a… Why are you wet?"

"I don't wanna talk about it."

 

[Tangent]

The Quick and the Deadbeat
Yet another SI set in a Sonic AU setting!
Issues? I'll have you know that I have subscriptions!

O o O o O​

"You know, Bro, these fit surprisingly well," I commented as I finished putting on the clothes he bought me. And yes, he did actually buy them - had the receipt and everything. A leather aviator's vest, matching leather gloves with metal plates on the back, a white tube top, shorts, a belt, panty briefs, socks, red and white running shoes (different brand than what he wore for some reason), and way too much sports tape.

I did not even try to put on any of the sports tape, because it's not a fashion accessory and it's fairly obvious that Sonic doesn't know how to use it properly. Not that I do either, but it has a function, and I'd rather have it available for that function rather than getting all stretched out and useless because I misapplied it as a costume element.

"Don't make this weird," Sonic retorted. "At our speeds, being able to do quick visual estimates is vital."

"Eh, fair enough," I conceded. "So, what are you going to call yourself now that I'm Sonic?"

"I'M SONIC!"

"Okay," I nodded, causing him to relax a little. And then I continued. "Granted, I suppose it will get a little confusing after a while. I mean, 'Hi, I'm Sonic and this is my brother, Sonic,' is only funny the first few times."

"It's not even funny this time," Sonic remarked pointedly.

I did the totally mature thing and stuck my tongue out at him.

"How old are you supposed to be again?" Sonic commented drily.

"Hello~ This is my birthday!" I reminded him. "I literally just popped into existence today. I think that I am very mature for my age."

"Uh-huh."

"Okay, okay, I might maybe have a slight impulse control problem…"

"You don't say."

"I do say," I correct him. "And then there's the issue of who my Dad is."

"Didn't he deny parenthood?"

"So he's a deadbeat. I'll win him over."

"Uh-huh…"

"Bro, I'm adorable!"

"You're something alright," Sonic replied, sounding distinctly unimpressed as we continued on into town.

"See? It'll all work out!"

O o O o O​

Sonic actually slowed down as we approached the Meh Burger.

"Alright," he said, pointing between us like he was trying to herd disaster into a box. "New rule: inside voices, no sudden declarations, and absolutely no introducing either of us as 'Sonic.' Got it?"

"I accept these terms under protest," I replied immediately.

"That wasn't a negotiation," he muttered, then walked in anyway like he already knew none of it would stick.

Among other customers I didn't really recognize, I saw Amy, Knuckles, Tails, and Sticks more or less in that order of realizing who they were.

"Hi, Sonic!" Amy replied, then got confused. "And…"

"Oh, he's also Sonic!" I interjected before my brother-by-default could respond.

"I'm Sonic! Pick a different name!"

"But you're me, only male," I pointed out reasonably. "And not wearing any pants. Why would I pick a different name for you?"

"Hi, Sonic! And Sonic!" Knuckles greeted us, apparently deciding to just roll with it.

"So, what happened?" Tails asked, taking a different route of dealing with what was going on.

"I'll tell you what happened!" Sticks announced. "One of them is an evil counterpart from another dimension sent to take our Sonic's place and spy on us!"

"Well, I was going to say that I just popped into existence today," I interjected before the badger could make up more spurious "facts" about me. "Which, by the way, I was totally unprepared for. Still, happy birthday to me. There's a bit more, but honestly, Sticks' version sounds more fun, so let's go with that instead."

"Let's not," Sonic insisted as we reached the table and took seats. "Look, Eggman and I had a thing earlier…"

"Is that what they're calling it now?" I interrupted.

"Stop that! Anyway, Ol' Eggy managed to hit me with some sort of reverse duplo-ray…"

"He called it an Inverted Duplicator Ray," I corrected. "I think. Anyway, whatever it was supposed to do, it made me instead. So Doc Robotnik's my Dad, and Sonic here's my evil twin."

"I KNEW IT!" Sticks announced.

"Sticks, I'm the original!" Sonic insisted. "And neither of us is evil! I think."

"Way to show support, Bro," I snark, feeling slightly down due to the qualifier. Maybe I was coming on too strong?

"So Eggman managed to hit you with an experimental ray?" Tails asked Sonic. "Are you feeling alright? He rarely manages to hit you with anything."

"Why do you consider Eggman to be your father?" Amy demanded before Sonic could answer Tails' question.

"I just told you - He's literally responsible for me even existing," I replied flatly.

"I think it takes a bit more than that to make someone a father," Amy stated as she glared at me.

Tails leaned forward slightly, already frowning in that way he gets when something stops making sense halfway through being explained.

"But that shouldn't be possible," he said, mostly to himself. "If it was an inversion-based duplicator ray, then the output should've been a mirrored behavioral profile or at worst a corrupted genetic template—not a completely separate baseline identity with no causal continuity…" He trailed off, blinking. "…Okay, that's actually really weird."

"Well, yeah, usually," I conceded. "But this is a PG setting, and I don't think we should be discussing the more normal methods in a fast-food place."

"What normal methods?" Sticks asked, obviously intrigued by the topic.

"Well," I started, "when a weird ray beam takes an inappropriate interest in a nonconsenting hedgehog, that's basically how you get surprise offspring, questionable ethics, and a very strong case for child support—"

Sonic clamped a hand over my muzzle so fast the air cracked.

"Why are you like this?" Sonic asked me bluntly.

"Mmmh mmh mm mmhmmm mmh," I utterly failed to make myself comprehensible due to someone holding my muzzle shut. I glared at Sonic.

"Oh, right," he said, releasing me.

There was a brief, terrible pause.

Amy was staring at me like I had just personally offended the concept of romance.

Tails looked like he was trying to do the math on what I'd just said and deeply regretting it.

Knuckles nodded slowly. "Yeah, that tracks."

Sticks leaned forward, eyes wide. "I knew it! The government does owe child support for laser babies!"

Sonic dragged a hand down his face.

"I was literally born today, have poor impulse control, and tend to spout off the first bit of random nonsense that occurs to me in a social setting?" I replied with little thought and most likely not nearly enough hesitation. "I mean, you were there, Bro. Weren't you paying attention?"

Spoiler: The outfit Sonic bought

 

[Tangent]

The Quick and the Deadbeat
Yet another SI set in a Sonic AU setting!
Issues? I'll have you know that I have subscriptions!

O o O o O​

While we were still in the Meh Burger (and while I still had Dad's wallet), I went ahead and ordered an actual Meh Burger, with a small soda and a side of fries. Mostly because that's what everyone else (besides Sonic) was already eating, and Sonic had just ordered the same meal for himself. So it was probably safe.

Once our orders arrived, I took a bite of the burger.

It was…

Umm…

Okay, I opened it up, removed the sad, limp, and flavorless excuses for lettuce, tomatoes, and pickles, then took another bite.

"You'd think that wouldn't actually have improved the flavor," I commented between bites. "But it did. How the heck do you make a burger that is less bland the more toppings you remove?"

"How can you not like the Meh Burger?," Sonic asked as the others looked at me, tilting his head. "Meh Burgers are the best burgers!"

"It is objectively the best item combination on the menu," Tails informed me. Which was mildly horrifying.

"This is seriously not okay," I pointed out. "Why do you guys eat here?"

"Eh, it's not so bad," Knuckles commented.

"It's better than what I can make at home," Sticks added.

"They don't really mind if we just hang out and sometimes not order anything," Amy added.

"They let me fix their icecream machine," Tails offered.

"I do bring my own hot sauce for the fries though," Sonic added.

"Gimme!" I demanded. If there was something wrong with my sense of taste, at least some hot sauce would add some much needed flavor to this bland monstrosity.

"No."

"Hold on, I'll be right back…"

And with that, I was out of the Meh Burger and on my way to Dad's place…

…which is in the other direction. I should probably pick up a map while I'm out.

O o O o O​

It actually didn't take me very long to find Dad's lair. All I had to do was find a nice high spot, such as this ridiculously dangerous mountain, look around, and spot a suitably isolated facility such as that white high tech looking tower way over there in the distance.

In short order, I was at the base of the tower, having only overshot it five or six times due to getting lost…

Yeah yeah, I know - all the speed in the world and I still end up taking the long way around to get somewhere.

Let's see…

Try to figure out the pass code for the front door, or just ring the doorbell?

I rang the doorbell.

"What is it!?" Eggman's voice came out of the speaker, sounding all grumpy.

"Hi, Dad!" I responded. "I'm here to return your wallet and borrow some hot sauce!"

"I'm not your father!"

"So you're saying that you don't want your wallet back?"

The door opened. "Get in here! The kitchen is down the hall to the left, third door on the right."

"'Kay! Love you! See you soon!" I ended the exchange and walked inside before he could change his mind. I wasn't even lying either. Just as part of me saw Sonic as my brother-by-default, another part of me legitimately saw Dr. Ivo Robotnik, A.K.A. Dr. Eggman, as my father. Weird, I know, but it probably had more to do with how this body was created than any natural familial connection.

Which I do realize should bother me a lot more than it actually does, but I can't seem to bring myself to care about the emotional bonds that shouldn't be there. I should probably note this down though. I mean, just because I don't seem to find them concerning doesn't mean that this isn't something to be concerned about.

"Hi dad!" I called out as I entered the kitchen and saw him sitting at the table with his sore leg up as Orbot and Cubot were preparing his lunch. "Here's your wallet, and a receipt for the clothes that my brother bought for me, and another for the Meh Burger that I want to borrow the hot sauce for. The only money missing is what I paid for those."

"I'm not your father."

"Look, if you want to be a deadbeat dad, that's on you," I commented, feeling slightly hurt that he was in denial as I rifled through the cabinets looking for Dad's spice rack.

"No, I mean that you were generated by the Inverted Duplicate Ray."

"That you designed and built. That's just fatherhood with a tech degree." Ah, here's the hot sauce!

"Why are you eating at Meh Burger anyway?"

"Because that's where Bro took me to meet his friends," I replied with a shrug as I put the hot sauce in a pocket of my vest. Clearing out the sports tape that I had put there. I put it on the counter. "Here's some sports tape you might find useful. Unlike my brother, I don't really think this is a fashion accessory."

"He's not your brother."

"I know," I admitted. "He's my genetic template. But he feels brothery to me - so: brother."

"That's not a word!"

"That most certainly is a word," I snark back. "It's an indicator used instead of which, who, whom, or when, introducing a defining or restrictive clause."

"That's not what I meant!"

"Anyway, I'll be back around dinnertime to check on you and return the hot sauce. I gotta get back before Sonic starts wondering where I got off to. Oh! That reminds me! I need a name! Apparently my brother isn't willing to let me be Sonic too. Anyway, love you, buh-bye!"

I gave Dad a quick peck on the cheek and sped off, the stunned expression on his face warming my heart.

I'd win him over.

Eventually.

O o O o O​

"Hey, Sonic!" Knuckles called out as I finally reentered the Meh Burger (I really should have picked up that map I had thought about earlier - it might have helped me not get lost on the way back).

"She's not Sonic," Sonic complained. Loudly. "I'm Sonic!"

"You know, Sonic, more than one person can share the same name," Knuckles pointed out.

"Eh, it's all right," I assured the big red echidna as I sat down. "If my bro wants name exclusivity, I'll deal. I just need a different name to go by."

"What were you thinking of?" Amy asked me as I opened up my Meh Burger again and put some hot sauce on it.

"I was thinking: Ivy Robotnik the Hedgehog - to honor both of my parents," I replied absently just before taking a bite of my burger.

Ah, much better!

I enjoyed the rest of my meal, pretty much ignoring the sputtering protests and stunned expressions.

Okay, maybe saying that out loud wasn't my best idea today. But it's nowhere near my worst, so I'm calling it a win.

 

[Razorpine123]

This is hilarious

 

[swarm]

Guess this is better then being ivos hedgehog wife like its that racist Nord with a argonian wife meme

 

[Tangent]

The Quick and the Deadbeat
Yet another SI set in a Sonic AU setting!
Issues? I'll have you know that I have subscriptions!

O o O o O​

"Okay, first off - why are you naming yourself after Eggman!?" Amy demanded as I continued to eat my Meh Burger.

The hot sauce from Dad's spice cabinet really improved the flavor. I took another bite and just raised a brow at Amy as I chewed. Slowly. Then swallowed and popped a fry into my mouth.

Bleh! The fries are bland too!

Which…

Okay, that one may be on me since I did randomly wander off in search of condiments in the middle of my meal.

"Well!?" Amy prompted as I applied the hot sauce to the fries.

"I literally just told you," I sighed then turned my attention to Tails. "Is there a hedgehog related memory condition I should be worried about?"

"I don't think so?" Tails replied. "Amy may be more expressing her shock that you are choosing to honor Dr. Eggman's name by picking a variant of it to be your own."

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Because he's a villain?" Sonic suggested.

"That's a lifestyle choice," I pointed out. "Hardly a basis for not honoring the man who brought me into this world."

"I hate that you have a point," Amy complained.

"She really doesn't," Sonic grumbled.

"I could go back to being Sonic and we could try to figure out a new name for you, Bro," I suggested with a grin.

"Please don't," Sonic pleaded in exasperation.

"Ivy Robotnik the Hedgehog it is then!" I declared my victory, taking a sip of my soda…

"Bleah! How can you guys drink this stuff!? The syrup balance is all off!" I complained.

O o O o O​

Eventually, I managed to finish my meal despite all the interruptions - granted, admittedly some of those interruptions were by me - so I decided to move on to more pressing matters than the implications of Dad's Inverted Duplicator Ray being able to create something like me, and the fact that I considered Dad to be Dad. So I made sure that the lid was tight on the bottle of hot sauce I had borrowed, took note of the brand so I could buy more once I had some income (one for me, and one to give to Dad as a thank you for letting me borrow the first bottle), and then got up.

"Where are you going?" Sonic asked, standing up with me this time.

"Back to Dad's place to return his hot sauce."

"Wait, that's where you went!?" Wow, that was pretty much everyone but Knuckles.

And by everyone, I meant that I was now glaring at several eavesdroppers from the surrounding tables who were now smiling sheepishly and not so discreetly pretending that they hadn't been listening in.

"Where did you think I got the hot sauce from?"

"The market?" Amy offered, with Sonic and Tails nodding in agreement.

"The Fang and Bone Shop?" Sticks guessed. "Oh, wait, no. It's not night and Kilton isn't due back on the island for at least another couple of months…"

Something seemed to be very off about that statement, but the others ignored it so I did as well. Eh, it'll come to me later, I'm sure.

"Nope! I went to Dad's place and asked to borrow some hot sauce," I corrected.

"Why'd it take so long?" Sonic asked. "Eggman's lair isn't that far away." My brother and I pretty much ignored how everyone was staring at him now.

"That's, like, several miles away," Tails pointed out with a skeptical tone.

"Right, like I said, practically right next door," Sonic confirmed, and I nodded in agreement. "Which is why I was wondering why it took her so long."

"I'm supposed to magically know where it is? Come on, Bro! I was just spontaneously manifested today! I can't be expected to know where everything is right off the bat! First, I ran up to the tallest vantage point nearby, which turned out to be this mountain with ridiculously dangerous paths…"

"That would be Mount Safety," Tails helpfully pointed out.

I blinked, wrapping my head around the horrifically misleading name. "Who named it? No, wait, nevermind - I'll just look it up and violently express my displeasure later."

Huh… Why did that rather rotund short mouse guy with the tall, skinny top hat, dapper suit, and a bushy mustache that, while impressive, was clearly inferior to Dad's 'stache suddenly look nervous?

No, getting distracted again - back on track, brain, back on track!

"Look, I'm just gonna go return Dad's hot sauce, then maybe ask him if he has any ideas for a place for me to stay until I get my feet under me…"

"You can stay at my place!" Amy insisted immediately, taking me aback.

"Um… Okay? Guess I'll be seeing you soon then?"

And, with that, I was through the door, out of the village…

…and realizing that I still hadn't gotten that map.

Oh well, time to go take a look from the top of Mount Safety again.

O o O o O​

Sooner or later, I'm going to have to actually get that map. Dad's place is easily visible whenever I have a good enough vantage point, what with being a big, white tower on a ridge of black rock that looks vaguely like a high-tech villain lair or superhero headquarters.

Ooh! I wonder if I can convince Dad to let the place pull double duty? It'd be really convenient for spying on each other and thwarting each other's plans - lots of fun!

Okay, brain, stop that. I'm here to return Dad's hot sauce and letting him know I'm going to Amy's place for a sleepover. Figure out actual living arrangements later.

I pressed the doorbell.

There was a short pause before the speaker crackled to life.

"…What is it?" Dad's voice sounded immediately suspicious.

"It's me," I said. "I'm returning the hot sauce I borrowed."

There was another pause that was just beginning to turn uncomfortable when Dad finally replied. "…That's what this is about?"

"Yes," I confirmed, holding up the bottle slightly even though he couldn't see it. "Borrowed item. Returned in good condition. Mission complete."

"…You came all the way back here just for that."

"Well, yeah," I said. "I said I'd bring it back. That's kind of the deal."

A longer silence followed, like he was reconsidering every life choice that had led him to installing a doorbell.

"Get in here," he finally said, sounding tired in a very practiced way. "Before you decide this is a social visit."

The door opened and I stepped inside, still carefully holding the hot sauce like it was evidence in a very small, very important case.

O o O o O​

After returning the hot sauce to the cabinet I got it from, I immediately left the kitchen to find Dad so we could have a proper social visit. It only made sense to follow up a successful transaction with a bonding opportunity.

Okay, so he said he didn't want a social visit, but if he didn't want a rebellious teen… tween… whatever I counted as right now, that was kind of his problem, not mine.

I was pretty sure "newly created" counted as a valid excuse for at least a few bad decisions anyway.

I headed off to find Dad before I overthought it.

 

[Doctor]

On one hand I don't think my favorite sonic character has made her appearance yet, on the other, I really hope all these stories get their own super genesis wave type event because seeing even just two of your Gremlins interact with each other would be hilarious chaos.

 

[Razorpine123]

"it's hard being a single father"- Eggman probably

 

[Tangent]

The Quick and the Deadbeat
Yet another SI set in a Sonic AU setting!
Issues? I'll have you know that I have subscriptions!

O o O o O​

"Hi, Dad!" I greeted even as I jumped onto his back to give him a big hug!

Hey, it took me a while to find him, and I had to be careful around his robots 'cause I didn't want to break his things if they thought I was an intruder.

"Get off of me!" Dad yelled as he tried to pry me off of his shoulders. I just gave him a quick peck on the cheek and hopped off to go find a clear countertop somewhere to sit on while we talked.

Look, if I sat in one of the chairs I wouldn't even be able to see over the table. Dad's tall. It's a whole thing.

"I'm not your father!" Dad groused as he spun his chair away from his project to face me. "And what are you doing here anyway? I said not to make this a social visit!"

"I love you too, Dad," I replied - I'd win him over eventually. "How's your day been going? Mine's been a little weird, what with suddenly existing and all that, and discovering that my neutral buoyancy is somewhere below the surface of saltwater!" My eye twitched, and I suddenly felt an upwelling of rage. "Ask me how I know!" Which I quickly suppressed as being completely unhealthy for either of us. "Anyway, Amy invited me to a sleepover, so I guess I'll be staying over at her place until I get my living situation sorted out. Unless you'd like to set up a room for me here?"

"No," Dad grumped as he glared at me. "One: You sound like you might kill me in my sleep."

"I would not!" I denied. "Although I would appreciate it if you maybe did something about my negative buoyancy issue."

"Two: Why are you consorting with my enemies!?"

"Because I need a social group willing to put up with me until my emotional maturity catches up with my physical maturity?"

"That…" Dad paused and leaned back in his chair in thought. "...is a surprisingly self-reflective response."

"I just say stuff," I shrugged. "Sometimes some of it makes sense."

"I really need to figure out what went wrong with the Inverted Duplicator Ray," Dad said under his breath.

"Or what went right," I suggested helpfully.

"That presupposes that anything went right with that device. Still…" Dad looked me over carefully. "Allow me to run a few scans and tests."

"Sure," I replied agreeably. "I'm kind of curious as to why I turned out this way too. I mean, I could have ended up all yellow, with pink eyes, an edgelord attitude, and an inability to move faster than molasses."

Dad just looked at me.

"What? The device literally has 'inverted' right in the name! Do you have any idea how many ways 'inverted' can be interpreted?"

O o O o O​

"Hold still," Dad snapped as he adjusted something on the machine.

"I am holding still," I said, lying flat on the table. Or at least I was trying to. Now that I wasn't moving, every bit of dried salt from earlier decided to make itself known all at once.

I twitched.

"Stop that."

"I'm not doing it on purpose," I said, trying to lock my limbs in place. And failing miserably as the itchiness spiked anytime I held too still, causing me to wriggle and twitch.

"Why are you moving!?"

"I'm itchy," I admitted. "Saltwater. Turns out it doesn't just go away when you leave the ocean."

"Then ignore it."

"I am ignoring it," I said. "This is me ignoring it."

I lasted about two seconds this time before scratching my arm and forcing my hand back down.

Dad stared at me. "…Do I need to restrain you?"

"That seems unnecessary," I said. "Also counterproductive."

"…How."

"I agreed to be here," I pointed out. "If you strap me down, I'm going to start objecting on principle."

He narrowed his eyes. "…Fine. Orbot! Show her where the shower is! Cubot, wash her clothes! I'll have something appropriate prepared for the lab once she's clean!"

"Thanks, Dad!"

"I'm not your father!"

O o O o O​

I took a moment to look myself over once I was back in the lab.

Okay, yeah, This was good.

I was expecting something simple, like a paper hospital gown or lab scrubs. Instead, I got this.

Red, black, and grey - clean lines, fitted without being restrictive, and actually comfortable. The gloves felt solid, the shoes were black and red versions of the same type of Air Shoe that Shadow wore, and there were enough hidden pockets that I was pretty sure I hadn't found all of them yet. Sure, there were some signs that it was recently altered, meaning that Dad had it prepared for if I had popped into existence as a male copy of Sonic, but the restitching was barely noticeable and could be fixed later.

…Which raised some questions.

Not important questions. But questions.

I flexed my fingers, shifted my stance, gave a quick test step - Yep. No complaints.

"I love it!" I announced.

Dad didn't look up from his console. "It is optimized for mobility and durability. Nothing more."

"And Amy and I can make a game out of finding all the listening devices and other bugs you put in these!" I added brightly.

That got his attention.

"I did no such thing!"

I looked at him.

"Dad, I love you, but you're a supervillain and I'm spending at least one night in the home of one of your adversaries," I said. "Of course you bugged my gear."

"I most certainly did not!" he snapped.

I tilted my head.

"…You didn't?"

He crossed his arms. "No."

Huh.

I considered that for a second.

"Well, that seems like a missed opportunity," I said. "We can fix that later." Not that I actually believed him, but he sounded convincing, and if he hadn't he hadn't. Amy would be helping me search for bugs anyway, I'm sure.

"And this doesn't upset you?" he demanded.

"Why would it?" I replied. "If you want to spy on me, you're going to spy on me. This just saves you the effort of being subtle about it."

He stared at me. "…That is not how this is supposed to work."

"I'm new," I reminded him. "I'm still figuring out the rules."

"That is increasingly apparent."

I grinned.

"Still, seriously - this is great. Thanks, Dad."

"I am not your…"

"Ooh! Can I be on your racing team?"

"Wha- I don't have a racing team!" Dad denied, distracted from completing the denial I didn't want to hear.

"You totally should," I said. "You build the best machines!"

Spoiler: Ivy, wearing her new set

 

[Razorpine123]

man eggman makes a lot of dumb looking stuff but that is some drip right there!

 

[Tangent]

The Quick and the Deadbeat
Yet another SI set in a Sonic AU setting!
Issues? I'll have you know that I have subscriptions!

O o O o O​

At some point, I actually did switch to a paper examination gown and traction socks, simply because it was easier to place sensor pads where they needed to go without my new clothes in the way.

New clothes that Orbot and Cubot were nice enough to fold up neatly and place into a box for me, setting it next to another, similarly sized box on a pallet.

"Okay, preliminary bio-readings seem to mostly match what I've managed to get from Sonic over time - except that you're female of course."

"It's good to have some easy to spot differences," I commented. "Missed opportunities for identical copy shenanigans aside, having to prove which of us was which would've gotten really old really fast. Bro wouldn't even let me share his name."

"Oh, wouldn't he now?" Dad replied with a tone of menace in his voice - most likely plotting shenanigans even as he considered the readings on his monitors.

"Yeah," I confirmed. "I mean, I figured that Bro and I were different enough that we could both be Sonic, although admittedly a good part of that was just me yanking his chain. Still, Knuckles pointed out that more than one person can have the same name. Bro wasn't having it though, so I relented and told them the name I was actually going to go with."

Dad studied the readings a bit more then stopped and turned to look directly at me. "Well?"

"Well what?" I asked, tilting my head to one side.

"You can't go through a lead up like that and just stop before telling me your name!"

"Oh! Right! I'm Ivy Robotnik the Hedgehog, named in honor of both of my parents!" I revealed with a grin.

"I'm not your…" Dad paused, dragging a hand down over his face. "Gah! Where did you hear that name!?"

"What name?"

"My name!"

"Oh, that? Online." I didn't bother revealing that this had been during my previous life, not seeing the point of introducing something that I had no evidence to prove.

Dad just stared at me some more.

It was starting to get awkward.

"And you decided to name yourself after me," he finally stated. "To honor me."

"And my genetic template, but Bro was rude to me so he just got 'the Hedgehog.' I was going to go with Ivy Sonic Robotnik the Hedgehog, but if he's going to go and be mean to me just 'cause I'm a teensy bit impulsive…"

"Which, I will point out, you are," Dad commented.

I just looked at him for a moment, then spoke. "Just for that, I'm putting Sonic back as my middle name."

Dad grumbled under his breath for a bit as he went back to going over the readings, then he turned again to face me. "Okay, I will admit that 'Sonic Robotnik' has a certain catchy rhythm to it and will likely annoy your genetic template…"

"Brother," I corrected cheerfully, as Orbot reentered the lab with a small travel case and headed for the pallet. I hadn't even noticed him leave…

"...Genetic. Template." Dad insisted, drawing my attention back to him.

"He can be both," I pointed out reasonably.

"Be that as it may," Dad said, brushing the issue aside rather than continue what was likely to be a circular argument. "You named yourself Ivy."

"I did, yes," I confirmed.

"To honor me."

"Yes."

"Do you even know what the meaning of the name Ivo is?"

I tilted my head and took a wild guess. "Genius?"

"Incorrect, but I will accept that you genuinely meant well," Dad spoke plainly. "Very well, I will accept that you named yourself Ivy Sonic Robotnik…"

"The Hedgehog," I added with a grin.

"...the Hedgehog," Dad conceded. "As if that wasn't blatantly obvious."

"Bro and I are blue, so the fact that we're hedgehogs might not be obvious to some people." I suggested.

"Trust me, that isn't the issue," Dad stated without explaining it any further. "Anyway, I have enough readings for now, and Sonic and the others just started breaking some of the badniks patrolling the perimeter, so get dressed and go before they break in trying to rescue you."

"Here is your overnight bag, Mistress Ivy," Orbot said, handing me the travelling case he had been packing earlier. "Your clothes are in there, along with toiletries, and a set of pajamas and several pairs of clean undergarments that Cubot and I had the fabricator make for you during the examination."

"Aw, thanks guys!" I exclaimed happily as I gave both bots a quick hug.

Then I zipped up to Dad and gave him a quick peck on the cheek before zipping over to the door of the lab. "Love you, Dad! I'll try to stay in touch! Buh-bye!"

O o O o O​

As tempting as it would be to greet Bro and the others wearing the outfit Dad gave me, I was able to resist that urge for the time being on grounds that it might lead to a fight that would break more of Dad's things. So, instead, I put the outfit that Sonic originally bought for me and went out to greet them before they damaged the door or something.

"Ivy!" Amy called out as the main door to the tower slid open and I ducked under Knuckle's wild swing and stepped out onto the surrounding black rock that Dad's tower was built on. Interesting aesthetic, and it definitely favored a supervillain vibe to a lair that could otherwise go either way.

"Hi, Amy!" I replied.

"Ivy!" Knuckles repeated. "Great! You can join us as we go in to rescue you!"

"But I'm already out here," I pointed out, a bit dubious about where he was going with his logic. "On the outside. Where you don't need to rescue me."

"Well, that's no good," Knuckles commented. "We came all this way to rescue you, and you're not ready yet. Go back inside and get captured so we can rescue you properly."

"Knuckles, I came here to return Dad's hot sauce. I returned the hot sauce, Dad ran some tests, Orbot and Cubot gave me this overnight bag with some clothes and toiletries, and I figure that Amy and I can make a sleepover game out of searching everything for bugs."

"The listening kind, the watching kind, or the kind that crawls into your ears to take over your brain, turning you into a mind-controlled zombie?" Sticks asked.

I blinked.

"Well, I was just going to go for the first two, but how about we check for everything?" I suggested. "Dad is a supervillain after all."

"Good plan," Sonic announced, although his tone seemed to indicate that he was reluctant to acknowledge that Sticks may have had a point.

"But we came all the way out here to rescue you!" Knuckles complained as we started to walk away.

"Another time, Knuckles," Amy stated firmly.

"Aww…"

Spoiler: Ivy's paper gown and traction socks

 

[Ray22156]

I think you are posting new chapters just so that you can put Ivy into new outfits at the end of the post.

Fun read, thanks for sharing.

EDIT: I'm looking forward to the sleepware look next. Bet it's a two piece cotton set with little robots all over. Probably looks super cute.

 

[swarm]

Hm grippy sock style shoes

 

[Tangent]

Hm grippy sock style shoes

Click to shrink...

Nope - Grippy sock style socks.

 

[swarm]

Thinking for the shoes in the future less angular big heel like on Sonic or shadow more slim and lightly textured

 

[Tangent]

The Quick and the Deadbeat
Yet another SI set in a Sonic AU setting!
Issues? I'll have you know that I have subscriptions!

O o O o O​

Amy's house turned out to be an overwater bungalow built on pilings and accessed by docks close to the shore of the clear lake the village was next to. It was circular, with a three-tier thatch roof, outer walls that were painted purple, and just over a full half of the interior was dedicated to a really large common room. Which was where I was apparently going to be sleeping until I either had a place of my own or Amy got tired of me and kicked me out.

I set my travel bag on the coffee table and took a seat on Amy's couch. "Wanna start with the bug hunt, or do something else first?"

"We probably should check for bugs," Amy agreed, so I popped the latches on the luggage and started setting out stuff on the coffee table.

"Why do you have an outfit with Eggman's logos on it?" Amy demanded, holding up the jacket from that particular set. Which was the only item from that set to even have any of Dad's logos on it.

"It's a birthday gift," I replied with a smile. "Granted, he apparently had it pre-made as he was expecting me to pop into existence as a male duplicate of Sonic. And evil. You can see where either he or, more likely, one of his bots altered the stitching to fit my actual measurements better while I was in the shower."

"Why were you in the shower?"

"Did he try to mind control you with rhythmic water pulses from his high-tech showerhead!?" Sticks asked with some urgency in her voice.

"I had to wash out the dried salt residue from my fur and quills," I explained to Amy. "It was making me too itchy and twitchy to stay still enough for the scans. And the pulse setting isn't for mind control, Sticks."

"So, how do we check these for bugs anyway?" Amy asked as she turned the jacket around in her hands.

"Check the pockets and the seams for suspicious lumps or stiff sections first - without tearing apart my new pants, Sticks!"

"It's the only way to be sure!" the badger insisted.

"These clothes are the first thing Dad actually gave me! On my birthday! We can send anything suspicious to Tails to double check, but please don't destroy my stuff."

To my relief, Sticks relented and the three of us spent the next hour or so idly chatting as we went over every inch of the luggage, toiletries, and clothing - including what I was currently wearing as it had been out of my sight for a while.

O o O o O​

Amy didn't waste any time once the bug hunt was officially declared "inconclusive."

Which, according to Sticks, meant "they're definitely everywhere and we just haven't found the right frequency yet." According to Amy, it meant "we are not tearing apart Ivy's life on a paranoid scavenger theory." And according to me, it meant I was about to be gently dragged into consumer capitalism with emotional support.

"Clothes first," Amy announced, already halfway out the door. "If you're staying over, you need more than one outfit that isn't… whatever Eggman gave you."

"That is a deeply hurtful way to describe my birthday gift wardrobe," I said, but followed her anyway.

Sticks lingered at the threshold, eyes narrowed like the concept of retail spaces had personally wronged her.

"I don't trust stores," she said flatly. "Too many mirrors. Too many angles. Too many opportunities for observation."

Amy didn't even slow down. "You live in a hole dug into the side of a hill."

"That's different," Sticks said immediately. "Rocks and dirt are honest."

I wasn't sure what that meant, but it felt like the kind of sentence you weren't supposed to unpack too closely.

The village shop turned out to be exactly the kind of place you'd expect from a world that included anthropomorphic hedgehogs, chaotic supervillains, and a fast-food chain that proudly served "meh."

Bright colors. Open displays. Clothes hung in loose sections instead of rigid aisles, like the entire building was trying to convince you it was casual about existence.

Amy moved through it like she owned the concept of fashion. Which was odd, because I would have thought that she'd at least pick a dress to wear that didn't look exactly like the one she wore yesterday if that had been the case.

I trailed behind her until she stopped, grabbed two outfits off a rack, and held them up in quick succession.

The first one hit me immediately.

Red and white. A short skirt. Distinctive color blocking. A silhouette that was aggressively familiar in a way that made my brain briefly stall.

"That one," Amy said, satisfied, "is cute."

"It is also-" I started.

"Absolutely happening," she finished.

The second outfit came up before I could recover.

A green blouse with a white collar, paired with an orange pleated skirt. A design that felt like it had been pulled from a different era of the same character's life, except translated into something wearable instead of pixelated nostalgia.

I stared at it.

"…Are you curating me," I asked.

Amy tilted her head. "What?"

"You're curating me."

"I'm helping you build a wardrobe."

"That is what curators say."

Sticks leaned in, suspicious. "Are those tracking devices sewn into the seams?"

Amy blinked. "No. Those are labels and price tags."

I squinted at the outfits again. "Both outfits look suspiciously like something you might wear."

Amy froze for half a second, then pointed at me. "That's not the point!"

"Then what is the point?" I asked.

"For you to have some nice cute outfits to wear that aren't all dark red, grey, and black."

I thought about that for a moment. "Eh, fair enough," I replied. "Dad's tastes aren't for everyone."

In the end, Amy ignored both of us and started pulling additional basics—practical clothes, neutral colors, things that didn't scream identity cosplay from across a room. I picked out a few items myself too, mostly because I didn't trust her taste enough to let her fully define my entire aesthetic trajectory. Also, I preferred shorts and pants to skirts, but that was probably due more to my previous life than anything else so I didn't make Amy put any of the skirts back.

Sticks refused everything. Just a flat, immediate rejection of the entire concept of new fabric entering her life. "I don't wear things I didn't recover myself," she said, arms crossed. "Could be compromised."

Amy sighed. "Everything in this store is literally for sale."

"Exactly," Sticks said.

I decided not to ask for clarification.

O o O o O​

We made one more stop after that.

Tails had agreed to take everything I'd brought from Eggman's tower for analysis, which, honestly, felt like the correct level of paranoia for a world where my "dad" was a man who built giant robots for fun and insisted that emotional relationships were a rounding error in the equation of existence. He even took the clothes that Sonic had bought for me since it had left my sight while I was taking that shower.

"I'll have to go over these thoroughly," Tails explained. "Which may take a day or two since you don't want a destructive examination."

"That is correct," I stated firmly. "I do not want anything destroyed."

"And it won't be," he assured me.

And, with that, he got to work, Sticks went home, and I followed Amy back to her place.

Spoiler: Ivy Adventures 1&2

Spoiler: Ivy CD

Spoiler: Ivy Boom!

Spoiler: Island Running

Spoiler: Beachwear

I think you are posting new chapters just so that you can put Ivy into new outfits at the end of the post.

Click to shrink...

What makes you thing that?

 

[Tangent]

The Quick and the Deadbeat
Yet another SI set in a Sonic AU setting!
Issues? I'll have you know that I have subscriptions!

O o O o O​

I actually liked the setup of Amy's overwater bungalow, though I was less enthusiastic about the idea of staying inside the village proper long-term. So I picked a different small lake to build my future home over. One that I made sure was not within village boundaries but was still close enough that I wouldn't get lost if I needed to go to the store or something.

The spot I picked was another small lake with some nice beaches just over the ridge to the northwest of Hedgehog Village. An odd name for it, considering that as far as I could tell, the only hedgehogs currently in residence there are Sonic and Amy.

Eh, whatever. The point is that this tiny valley was definitely outside of any officially registered village surveys, nobody owned it, and it wasn't a park. Municipal jurisdiction was literally just for the village itself and forward expansion was planned towards the coast to the southeast, not further inland to the northwest where I had claimed my homestead.

That distinction became a lot more relevant when Mayor Fink showed up with two police officers.

The moment I started setting materials along the lakeside, he was already pointing and raising his voice. "You need a building permit for this," he insisted.

I didn't look up from the support beam I was positioning. "I am not within Hedgehog Village jurisdiction. I checked the survey records."

"You are setting up immediately adjacent to Hedgehog Village, therefore you are automatically part of Hedgehog Village!" Fink insisted.

"That's not how jurisdiction works," one of the officers muttered.

"It is when I define the village boundaries," Fink said immediately.

That got a pause out of me.

Not because it was convincing, but because it was impressively unhelpful. And apparently at odds with the very authority he was trying to abuse if the muttered comment I overheard was at all accurate. I wouldn't know, being only a few days old and not gifted with a knowledge of local laws by the weird science device that spawned me.

"I purposely selected a location that is not within the registered borders of the village," I explained slowly, as if to an utter imbecile. Which, given that Edward Pluribus Fink, Esquire, was currently trying to redefine jurisdiction on the spot to suit himself over his own police officers' objections, was probably an accurate assessment.

"I can change the registered boundaries, young lady!" Fink insisted. "I'm the Mayor!"

"Are you declaring an intent to annex my homestead?" I asked, pausing my work and tilting my head to one side.

"Yes!"

"No."

I exhaled, set the beam down, and moved behind them before any of them seemed to register the motion. A length of rope came off the construction supplies Tails had helped me arrange, and a moment later all three were neatly bound together and hanging from a nearby palm tree.

I was careful not to actually hurt any of them. I just… placed them out of the way where they wouldn't interfere with my work.

Fink sputtered from several feet off the ground. "You can't do this!"

I glanced up at him. "I just did," I explained slowly and carefully as if he were the one that was just born yesterday instead of me. "You're obstructing construction on land that isn't part of your jurisdiction. I'm going to assume this counts as trespassing on your part, so I'll leave you there until you're no longer interfering."

That didn't improve his mood. Nor did the fact that I returned to my work without waiting for a response.

The materials themselves were legitimate. Tails had helped design the structural layout, and Sonic had shown up with what he called "a birthday contribution," which had mostly involved hauling things at high speed while refusing to explain where they came from. I didn't ask. It seemed like the kind of question that had answers I didn't need.

Either way, the platform was coming together well enough that I could almost ignore the shouting behind me.

Almost.

Fink kept trying anyway. Something about permits, and laws, and precedent. It blurred together into background noise after a while.

Eventually I stopped answering entirely and focused on getting the next support column aligned.

The lake was quiet, at least. Apart from the yelling in the background, which would presumably stop once I was finished and let them go.

That was the part I liked.

O o O o O​

"Ah, Ivy? Why are the mayor and a couple of police officers tied up and hanging from a palm tree?" Sonic asked as he and Tails passed by on their way back toward the village.

"Land dispute," I replied, as if that explained everything. From my perspective, it did.

"Young lady, I-" Fink started.

"Shut it," I cut in immediately. "You're lucky I fed you when I broke for lunch. I already told you I checked the village land registry. This lake is not within village boundaries."

"You're trying to avoid paying taxes!" he snapped back.

"Of course I am. Why else would I build out here instead of next to Amy's bungalow?"

"So you admit it!"

"I'm not part of the village. It isn't relevant."

Fink looked like he wanted to continue, but Sonic raised a hand slightly, already backing away from the conversation.

"I'm not getting involved in this," he said. "I can just come back later if you're busy."

"Appreciated," I replied.

There was a brief pause.

"Would either of you like some lunch?" I added. "I made enough for me and these three, and there are leftovers."

O o O o O​

After lunch, Sonic and Tails were nice enough to take Mayor Fink and his lackeys off of my hands, escorting them back to the village where they would presumably be untied and released into whatever political nonsense they got up to. Not my business, so I didn't care.

What I did care about was the fact that the wind was picking up and there were storm clouds moving in on the horizon. I wasn't going to be finished with my bungalow today, but I had enough done to secure it from the coming winds and rain, being sure to tarp over the materials and exposed areas before settling in for the night.

I was, in fact, just finishing up with securing a tarp over the last stack of lumber when I saw Dad heading towards the village on foot, with Orbot and Cubot trailing behind him.

"Hi, Dad!"

"I'm not your…" Dad started, then apparently thought better of it. "Hello, Ivy."

I beamed. Sure, his first instinct was still rejection, which hurt a little, but he was trying. "Wanna come in for tea, coffee, or a cola?" I offered, not really expecting him to accept as whatever was drawing him towards the village, on foot, right before a storm hit probably took precedence over social niceties.

Much to my delight, Dad seemed to perk up and accepted my invitation. "Sure, why not. I have some time to kill anyway, and it beats standing out in the weather waiting for the storm to hit full strength."

In short order, we were all inside my partially finished bungalow enjoying our respective beverages (well, Dad and I were - I didn't have anything suitable for Orbot and Cubot yet).

"So, what brings you to the village, Dad?"

"I'm going to claim storm damage to my home so I can stay at Sonic's place for a few days until he is totally exhausted. Then I'm going to have the Mega attack him!"

Oh.

It's just one of the games Dad and my bro get up to.

None of my business, really, and I had a bungalow to finish before I could really consider inviting any guests over.

It did kind of hurt that Dad didn't even think to ask though…

 

[Tangent]

The Quick and the Deadbeat
Yet another SI set in a Sonic AU setting!
Issues? I'll have you know that I have subscriptions!

O o O o O​

I was pleasantly surprised that Mayor Fink did not return over the next few days as I finished building my overwater bungalow. Whether that was because Sonic and Tails had talked him down, because he was still trying to figure out how to legally classify "temporarily suspended from a palm tree," or because he was busy being Mayor somewhere else, I neither knew nor cared.

The important thing was that I was finally making progress.

Part of the reason I was able to finish so quickly was because I enlisted the aid of a group of rebellious teens from the village.

Willy Walrus immediately declared himself lifeguard, which I did not object to in the slightest. After almost drowning within my first hour of existence, I had no intention of treating water safety as optional ever again. I was mildly concerned that he was performing this duty while relaxing on a floating inner tube, but not enough to call him out on it.

"Don't worry!" Willy called out from the lake surface. "If you fall in, I've got you!"

"Thank you!" I called back without looking up from the beam I was securing into place. "Just make sure that you don't drift too far away!"

Dave the Nutria and Mort the Weasel were handling the lighter construction work. "Handling" meant passing tools and materials, steadying planks, and occasionally remembering that "holding something still" was not a philosophical suggestion.

Leon the Chameleon contributed by existing in multiple plausible locations at once. I had stopped trying to track him. If I needed him, he would be wherever he was required to be. Probably. Frankly, I didn't care if he was lazier than the others as long as I still got enough help when I needed it.

And finally, Barkley the Red Panda was somewhere in the structure itself. I knew this because things occasionally shifted into place without explanation, followed by the faint sound of movement from above. I did not question it. Barkley operated on a level of construction methodology that felt adjacent to espionage.

Honestly, the system worked.

Mostly.

"Hold that beam steady," I called down.

Dave and Mort both grabbed it.

It immediately tilted.

"Steady," I repeated.

"It is steady," Dave said.

"It is not steady," I replied, dropping down beside them in a blur of motion and taking the weight myself. "This is steady. What you two are doing is a creative interpretation of steady."

"We're helping," Mort said defensively.

"I can feel it trying to escape," I said, bracing the beam and setting it properly. "Stop negotiating with it."

Leon spoke from somewhere behind a stack of planks. "She's right. It's unstable."

"I don't like when the invisible guy agrees with her," Mort muttered.

"I am not invisible," Leon replied.

"You're just… aggressively optional right now," Dave said.

"That's fair," Leon admitted.

Willy shifted on his floating perch, watching the whole exchange like a referee at a sport he had invented. "I mean, I'm just here to make sure nobody drowns."

"That is not 'just,'" I said immediately. "That is essential."

After the negative buoyancy incident, I had no interest in revisiting the concept of "I can swim, therefore I am safe." Sure, I could swim. Technically. I just sank like a brick with opinions and no interest in negotiating with physics.

Willy nodded solemnly. "Exactly. Safety first."

"Good," I said.

The work continued like that: me doing the majority of the structural assembly, while the others handled the less demanding labor in varying degrees of enthusiasm. It wasn't perfect, but it wasn't supposed to be.

I trusted myself to get the structure right. I trusted Willy to keep me from drowning. And I trusted the rest of them just enough to keep passing me things without dropping them into the lake.

It was a functional arrangement.

Barely.

But functional was enough to get a home built.

And best of all, they worked for pizza, cola, fresh baked (if slightly burnt) cookies, and me wearing the beachwear Amy got me the other day.

Hey, if it works, it works. And this outfit at least got them working enough for me to not chase them off for being useless.

O o O o O​

It was a couple of nights later, with my bungalow finished, all my things put away, and me getting ready for bed when I heard a knock at the door.

I opened it in pajamas - the red ones with Dad's logo patterned across them in gold - and found him standing there.

"Dad!" I said, immediately brightening. "Come in. What brings you here?"

"My plan worked," he said without preamble. "But the Mega attacked my base instead of Sonic. Unfortunately, Sonic is refusing to let me stay at his place again while I rebuild."

"That sounds like a Sonic problem," I said. "I have a Murphy bed in your size. Just in case. You can stay here until your base is rebuilt. There's food in the fridge too."

He paused for a fraction of a second, as if evaluating whether this counted as a trap or just unusually efficient hospitality.

"That would be appreciated," he said finally.

O o O o O​

I put a kettle on and helped Dad get the Murphey bed ready, then presented him with a package.

"What's this?" Dad asked as he cautiously accepted the package as if it would blow up on him.

"Pajamas, a bathrobe, and toiletries," I replied. "The store didn't have any with your logo, but they did have an egg themed set that I thought you might like."

"Why?" he asked suspiciously.

"Dad, I am literally wearing the set you had Orbot and Cubot make for me. Is it really so unusual that I might want to do something nice for you?"

"Yes, actually."

"That's just sad."

"How'd you pay for these anyway? You returned my wallet, and the receipt accounted for the missing cash."

"I had Amy pay for them when she bought me more clothes," I replied, then tilted my head. "I don't think she approves of your taste in clothes."

"There is nothing wrong with my taste in clothes!" Dad insisted vehemently.

"I know, right?" I agreed. "That set is awesome! It didn't have any bugs in it though…"

"Why do you sound so disappointed!?"

I just looked at him.

"You said that you were going over to Amy's house for a sleepover!" Dad reminded me pointedly. "While I do spy on Sonic and his friends, having listening devices in an under-aged girls' bedroom, regardless of how they got there, is just asking to be put on all the lists. I have standards dammit!"

"Okay, I think I can see the issue there," I conceded.

"Good."

"So, you'll be sending spy bots and hover cams like the ones you have watching Bro and his friends when they're out and about?" I asked eagerly.

Dad just looked at me for a long while.

"You have issues."

"Issues? Dad, I'll have you know that I have subscriptions."

Spoiler: Ivy's Swimwear

Spoiler: Ivy's Sleepwear

 

[Tangent]

The Quick and the Deadbeat
Yet another SI set in a Sonic AU setting!
Issues? I'll have you know that I have subscriptions!

O o O o O​

"So, what would you like for breakfast?" I asked Dad as I started prepping the kitchen for the morning.

"I'd like Salmon Eggs Benedict, egg whites only; buttered toast; and black coffee."

"I can do hardboiled, scrambled, sunny side up, over easy, or omelets," I informed Dad. "That is the sum total of my knowledge of how to prepare eggs. The rest I can do though. Are you fine with bacon or sausage?"

"Fine," Dad conceded. "A ham and cheese omelet then, with onions and peppers; buttered toast; and black coffee."

"On it," I replied cheerfully as I started cutting up an onion and pepper to sauté.

O o O o O​

"So, did you figure out why I sink while almost every other hedgehog floats?" I asked as Dad and I settled down at the table for breakfast. I was having mostly the same meal, albeit scaled down for my relative size and with pineapple juice instead of coffee.

Dad poked at his breakfast for a moment before trying some of it. "Adequate. Once my base is finished, I'll send Orbot over occasionally to give you cooking lessons."

I raised my eyebrow at the ambivalent critique but carried on. "That's not what I asked."

"Oh, that," Dad waved me off. "You share the same muscle and bone density as your genetic template…"

"Brother," I interjected with a huff.

"Genetic. Template," Dad insisted before continuing. "On top of that, it turns out that your quills, and therefore most likely his as well, are adapted for improved airflow streamlining as opposed to trapping air like regular hedgehog quills do."

"Oh. So, some of the same adaptations that help Bro and me go fast…"

"Mean you both sink like rocks, yes."

"Damn..." I had really liked swimming the first time I was young too. As awesome as the high-speed running is, it was a bit of a letdown to not be able to do more than shallow water wading when it came to water play. I mean, sure, I could apparently run fast enough to perform what Bro called a Hydro-Dash, but the surface of the water had to be relatively smooth with only small waves at most, or I risked tripping and tumbling under the surface to potentially drown.

Not fun at all

"Why did you build an overwater bungalow anyway?" Dad asked. "You already knew the risks if you fell in."

"I had a lifeguard present for most of the construction," I assured Dad, carefully not mentioning that I had only thought to recruit Dave and his friends partway through the building process. "And I really liked Amy's home. Well, not all the pink and purple, but I liked her overwater bungalow. Oh, that reminds me - I need to do some more odd jobs so I can pick out a good sealing varnish in a nice color."

"Just get Tails to do it," Dad stated bluntly. "He's exploitable."

I just gave Dad a flat look.

"What? He is! Totally exploitable! He does free stuff for his friends all the time!"

O o O o O​

"Why is he here?"

"Hi, Sonic. How was your day, Sonic. Thank you for reminding me that I need to install locks on my doors, Sonic. Dad at least had the decency to knock when he showed up last night." I commented in a dry, sarcastic tone to show my irritation to my brother for just barging in.

"Oh, uh… Sorry?"

"Apology accepted," I replied gracefully.

"Now why is he here?"

"Dad needs a place to stay for a few days while his robots rebuild his base."

"He used the same ploy on me and Tails to exhaust us and attack us with a giant bot!"

"And it would have worked too, if the Mega hadn't gotten its instructions wrong and attacked my base instead!" Dad interjected.

"ENOUGH!" I shouted. "Both of you! You are currently guests in my home! If you can't leave your games with each other at the door, I'll beat you both up myself!"

"What did I do!?" Dad asked.

"Don't you mean you'll kick us out?" my brother suggested.

"No," I reigned in my temper a bit to explain. "If I just threaten to kick you out, you'll both just keep provoking each other until I do something about it, on the assumption that the other side will count it as a loss so therefore it must be a win. Whereas if I put you both in traction, neither of you can count it as a win condition, therefore you are both more likely to actually behave."

"She has a point, you know," Dad commented.

"Unfortunately," my brother agreed.

"There, see?" I gave them both a cheerful, and possibly disconcerting, smile. "You can both get along just fine under the threat of grievous bodily harm! Now, what brings you here?"

"I was just checking to see if you needed anything," Sonic replied.

"Some food and sundries would be appreciated, since you're offering," I replied. "And some more clothes in Dad's size since he's staying for a few days and showed up without any luggage. And maybe a list of odd jobs I can do around the village? I need an income so I can start buying my own stuff. Oh, and a good sealing varnish!"

"I have some odd jobs you can do," Dad offered.

"Do they involve attacking or otherwise acting against my brother and his friends?" I asked in an interested tone.

"Ivy!" my brother complained loudly.

"What? I'm morally ambiguous! As long as neither of you are asking me to kill either of you, I'm basically a mercenary!"

Dad grinned while my brother palmed his face.

Sonic lingered in the doorway a moment longer than necessary, arms crossed in that way he used when he was trying to decide whether something counted as "helping" or "becoming involved." His eyes flicked between Dad and me, then settled into a resigned stare.

"I'll bring over supplies," he said finally. "Food, basics, whatever you're missing. And I'll get you a list of odd jobs from the village job board." His gaze sharpened slightly. "Try not to… leave any more village officials hanging from trees while I'm gone."

"That was a jurisdictional correction," I corrected automatically.

"Uh-huh." Bro didn't argue it, which honestly felt like progress. He just turned and left, already mentally checked out of the consequences.

Dad, meanwhile, watched him go with the kind of expression that suggested he was categorizing the entire interaction for later reuse. "Sonic is remarkably predictable," he said. "He always tries to act as though he has authority over situations he is not actively punching."

"That's called responsibility," I pointed out, not necessarily disagreeing. Bro did sometimes come across as overbearing on matters that weren't really his business. Then again, Dad was the same way, so they had that in common even if neither of them saw it.

"It's called inefficiency," he replied immediately.

I paused for a second, considering that. "You both impose your values on the world and expect everyone to naturally fall in line behind you. Which is basically the same thing from different moral axes."

Dad gave me a long look. "That is the most concerningly accurate thing you've said all day."

I smiled. "Thanks."

He did not return the smile, but he also didn't dismiss it. Which, for him, was basically warmth.

 

[Useless Wizard]

Eggman, thinking to himself later in Ivy's shower...
"She has a point. I think I'll use it against Sonic next time we have a battle. I can see it now. 'We're not so different, you and I...' Heh! If nothing else, explaining our similarities might trip him up enough to get a shot in."

 

[Tangent]

The Quick and the Deadbeat
Yet another SI set in a Sonic AU setting!
Issues? I'll have you know that I have subscriptions!

O o O o O​

Of course, Dad did eventually move back to his base after a few days once it was finished being rebuilt, but during those few days I ended up with several more outfit sets, supplies, and sundries from Dad, Bro, and the others in a war of bribes that ultimately ended up with me basically remaining just as neutral in their game as when this all started. Just as neutral, but much better off.

I idly wondered if this was going to be my thing going forward, but I didn't really want Rouge the Bat's role. Okay, fine. If it happens, it happens, but I'm not going to deliberately instigate trouble just to benefit from both sides.

Life, of course, moved on whether or not I participated in anything. There was some sort of awards ceremony in which Sticks was nominated for an Awardy Award for having saved Hedgehog Village from a meteor shower. Something I lost all interest in as soon as I found out that the award was a brass statuette of Mayor Fink.

He hadn't returned to try to annex my property again yet, but I still severely disliked him and his cronies.

I helped Dave and his friends build a villain themed clubhouse outside the village on the far side from where my home was. Location chosen because, while I thought the idea was fun, I didn't want the expected noise basically right next door over the same lake I lived on. Also, the location we built the clubhouse on was directly in the way of future village expansion but not yet inside claimed territory, which Dave and the others just saw as a bonus rather than a future headache. Which, fair enough, was the type of mildly malicious petty behavior his group seemed to enjoy engaging in.

I even got to wear some of the fun new outfits Dad sent me to balance out Amy's influence over my wardrobe, which Dave and the others appreciated. The fact that I tended to bring pizza, cola, and fresh if slightly burnt cookies with me whenever I visited their clubhouse didn't hurt.

Dave had apparently decided that a proper villain clubhouse required "atmosphere," which in practice translated into very specific aesthetic commitments and absolutely no shared consensus on interior design. The group, as it turned out, already had a name and identity locked in: the Lightning Bolt Society. It just hadn't come up in conversation yet because they were all still arguing about how seriously they were supposed to take it. The uniforms - hooded purple robes over white dress shirts, topped with red fezzes bearing a gold emblem of a fist clutching twin lightning bolts - were apparently "official," though I had the impression that this was mostly because it was what they could all get cheaply without anybody paying too much out of pocket.

That aesthetic commitment, however, did mean the clubhouse itself was slowly being tuned to match. Purple panels were going up on interior walls, white trim was being added in inconsistent but enthusiastic bursts, and someone had started insisting that every doorframe needed either red accents or gold detailing "for authority." The end result was less a lair of villainy and more a color theory argument that had been left unsupervised for too long.

I helped where I could, mostly because they were actually trying, and because they were weirdly receptive to structural advice when it was framed as "how to make your villain headquarters more intimidating." Dave, in particular, took feedback seriously when it involved improving the drama-to-effort ratio of a room. Mort just liked anything that involved hidden compartments. Leon kept disappearing into said compartments to test their secrecy, which was not helpful but did confirm that at least some of them worked.

Willy, meanwhile, had claimed that every proper evil headquarters needed a "neutral zone," which he defined as a snack table placed precisely halfway between all exits. Nobody argued with him, because he had correctly identified the single most important architectural principle in the entire building so far.

I'm not really sure what the point of their big plan to corner the fruit market on Seaside Island is all about though, as fruit was ridiculously cheap here because if the prices were raised too high, all anyone had to do was go out and pick it themselves. Sure, there were orchards, but all those did was make the fruit more convenient - all the same fruit also grew wild nearby.

Oh well, not my monkeys, not my circus. If they thought being evil was mildly inconveniencing somebody, then I wasn't going to crush their dreams.

If anything, I was starting to suspect that the "evil" part of their identity functioned less as a moral declaration and more as a branding exercise. Being members of the Lightning Bolt Society meant having uniforms, a logo, and a shared commitment to dramatic phrasing, not necessarily any actual capacity for long-term villainy. In practice, it was closer to a club for people who liked the idea of competition and theatrics more than the reality of causing problems. And honestly, Hedgehog Village could probably survive a few more groups like that without noticing the difference.

I got a cute little robe and fez as an honorary member (honorary because I refused to participate in their little fruit-stealing shenanigans, but otherwise helped out), although I did replace their logo with Dad's.

Speaking of circuses, Sonic, Knuckles, Amy, and Sticks irresponsibly ran off to join a circus for a day or two, and just as irresponsibly quit. Which Amy insists is almost exactly not how any of that happened. Which is probably true, but my interpretation of what they told me is more fun, so that's the version I told Dad, which got a chuckle out of him.

And now, apparently, Amy is selling Sticks' stuff off without her permission. Which both impressed and appalled me, as I hadn't known Amy had it in her to play the villain.

O o O o O​

"So, let me get this straight," I said, pinching the bridge of my muzzle. "You arbitrarily decided that Sticks has a hoarding problem."

"That's right!" Amy replied with a smile while Sticks growled at her.

"And your idea of an intervention is to, equally arbitrarily mind you, hold a yard sale to get rid of the excess clutter."

"Yes! Exactly!" Amy agreed.

"Without Sticks' permission or even implied consent."

"Uh…" Amy hesitated, perhaps finally seeing where I was going with this.

"Yes! Exactly!" Sticks exclaimed hotly.

"Hey, Dad!" I called out, interrupting the game he and Bro were doing where Dad was attempting to sneak off with a comic book from Sticks' stash.

"I'm not your… What is it, Ivy?"

"When did Amy Rose become a villain?"

Dad and Bro looked at each other for a moment, then at Amy for another moment, and finally at each other again before they eventually broke down laughing their asses off and slapping each other on the back.

"I AM NOT A VILLAIN!" Amy yelled

"Says the villain selling somebody else's stuff against their objections," I pointed out helpfully.

"It's an intervention!" Amy insisted. "Sticks has a hoarding problem!"

"Interventions involve gathering friends and discussing the supposed issue first before arbitrarily applying a solution," I stated pointedly. I didn't mind much if Amy wanted to come by and try to bribe me away from siding with Dad (not that I actually took sides in that little game he played against Bro and his friends), but this was actually causing Sticks genuine distress, which I wasn't okay with. "Did any of that happen?"

"Well, no," Amy reluctantly admitted.

"So you owe Sticks an apology, and possibly compensation," I noted. I also noted some unusual activity coming from Sticks' burrow. "What's with all the frog people?"

"Ah! Froglodytes!" Sticks cried out in alarm as said creatures started attacking people and dragging them back towards Sticks' home. "Quick, Amy, did you sell a surfboard from my burrow?"

"Yes," Amy replied easily even as we started fighting off the froglodytes and rescuing people before they could be dragged into Sticks' home. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"That was the only thing I had that was strong enough to block the basement door!" Sticks informed us. "Their only access to the surface is through my basement!"

"That sounds like a problem," Amy admitted.

"You don't say," I commented drily.

Bro and I busied ourselves with rescuing civilians while the others began herding the froglodytes back towards Sticks' home. With some difficulty. There were a lot of froglodytes.

After rescuing the same walrus woman for the third time (I think bro managed to rescue her a couple of times himself in addition to that), I zipped up to a froglodyte that appeared to be the leader of the horde of relatively short kidnappers. "Why are you trying to abduct people anyway?" I asked politely even as I casually evaded capture attempts by him and his minions.

"We need a sacrifice for the Great God, Froggymaneus!"

"Ah…" I let that sink in for a moment.

Then I stopped playing nice.

In fairly short order, most of the invading froglodytes stopped being conscious, and those who were still able to grabbed their fallen fellows and retreated into the depths under Sticks' home.

"We need some way to seal the entrance to the froglodyte tunnels back up again!" Styx insisted, glaring at Amy again.

"I could fill up your basement with quick-sealing concrete," Dad offered with an insincere tone. But, honestly, that sounded like a great idea to me.

"Dad, I'll buy you a copy of that issue if you do exactly that!"

"DONE!"

Oddly enough, nobody actually objected to this plan, although I could tell that my brother wanted to just because Dad was the one to propose this particular solution. Still, he put on his "big boy pants" (metaphorically, as he still wasn't wearing any pants) and let it happen.

Spoiler: Daddy's Girl casual set

Spoiler: Daddy's Girl track set

Spoiler: Daddy's Girl aquatic set

Spoiler: Technically neutral islandwear

Spoiler: Actually neutral beachwear

 

[Ray22156]

Looking at that last image, Ivy is really aggressively blue. Is Sonic the same? I've actually never watched the show, just played the game.

Love how Robotnic is getting used to Ivy calling him Dad, even though he still denies it reflexivly.

 

[Tangent]

Looking at that last image, Ivy is really aggressively blue. Is Sonic the same? I've actually never watched the show, just played the game.

Click to shrink...

The Sonic Boom version of Sonic really is this "aggressively blue."