Mr Zoat
Dedicated ragequitter
- Joined
- Dec 1, 2016
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1st April 1995
15:41 GMT -7
It's a heady feeling, knowing that there's nothing on the planet that can stop you.
Yes, back in the world of fiction, normal police couldn't do a thing to stop me. But the League certainly could, and a hundred other wizards and superheroes, and even if they couldn't stop me, their ill-regard would make my life harder.
Now? I'm on a world where I don't know anyone. I might actually be better served by finding another planet to set up shop on. But I… I think I remember… In the Power Ranger series, something about most of the galaxy being evil-controlled? Though if they considered Rita to be a high-level operative, maybe… Maybe I'm some sort of ultimate hero by their standards? Maybe I actually could lead a crusade and overthrow the evil rulers of the galaxy?
I should probably learn what exactly they mean by 'evil'. And what their idea of a completely 'good' civilisation looks like. Power Rangers didn't strike me as a setting with a great deal of moral nuance, but to have an evil empire there has to be a certain functional structure to it, and if the leadership are regularly, say, blowing up inhabited planets for fun then that structure wouldn't exist.
The N.S.A. agent I'm walking towards spots me and drops his coffee, the cardboard cup hitting the pavement and splashing its contents all over his shoes. He winces, hands twitching as he instinctively goes for his gun and then stops as he considers the situation.
"Senior Agent Ramirez." I wave my right hand and the cup floats up, coffee streaming up into it from the ground and from his feet. "Allow me."
He takes the coffee, looking around for something to put it on and finding nothing.
"What?"
"I can't return the nukes. I used them to blow up an enemy stronghold. But I used all of them, so I don't have any more."
"Yeah. The N.R.O. passed that on."
"I'm sure that the N.R.O. picked up the detonation; I doubt they knew I used all five. Anyway, Rita Repulsa is radioactive dust and there shouldn't be any more monster attacks for the next few months at least."
"M. Hm."
"Questions? Comments? Feedback on my approach?"
"Attacking a U.S. military facility is a serious crime-."
"And I'll care the moment you have someone who can arrest me. Because it's just the Power Rangers who could even try, and they're currently just glad that she's gone. I mean, be reasonable. What's worse? A few dozen instances of assault and trespass, or an alien invader with giant monsters?"
"Four guys had broken bones."
"And if you're going to be a baby about it, I'll visit them and fix them. I'm calling on you because I want to make sure that you're not panicking and planning to do something stupid, not because I want to be friends. Do you have any reasonable requests or sensible questions or can I get on with my day?"
"You're a.. fictional character. How are you even having this conversation?"
"I'm a magic construct based on a fictional character with that fictional character's memories and abilities. I myself am not fictional."
"'Magical'..?"
"They literally dropped a magic potion on a comic. I can't think of any sort of nanotechnology or whatever that could do that." He frowns-. "Yes, I was created by accident. Feel free to joke about it on your own time."
"Okay. So they're dead."
"Yes. The group around Rita Repulsa are dead. There are a great many other hostile aliens in the universe and I don't know how they'll feel about me nuking one of their allies. But Rita's efforts were fairly typical of how they work, so you don't need to worry about them sending a fleet of space ships or anything sensible like that."
"Then what's changed?"
"Now you've got a chance to find an agent with testicles, have them walk over to the Command Centre, and ask for information directly like a sensible person. I'm only bothering to talk to you so no one starts a nuclear war." Hm. "No Earth-nation starts a nuclear war."
"Our orders are to be hands-off with the kids who fight with giant robots."
"Then I.. guess that your ignorance is your problem? Or I can fly by the White House and be rude to the President instead of you, if that would be more helpful?"
"Yeah, for a guy who's supposed to be a superhero, you're being a real dick right now."
"I'm less than a day old and everyone I love never existed. Oh, and my extrasensory perception is so strong that I can see every war and instance of suffering on the planet. Try it sometime."
"I.. guess-. Every war?"
"Yeah, so I'm going to be stopping those. And I'm probably.. going to be building a Star Wars defence network to stop I.C.B.M.s, and… I don't know. I'll see where the mood takes me. I don't mind warning you and yours in advance but to be very clear, I don't work for you or any other government."
Wait, 1995? Zimbabwe isn't completely wrecked yet. Gosh, I'd forgotten about that due to Zimbabwe not existing on Earth 16. All the government-engineered theft, murder, economic ruination and starvation I can prevent.
Senior Agent Ramirez takes a breath. "Well, you're right. I can't physically restrain you, so there's no point in me trying to arrest you. I don't have any authority to set agency policy, so I can't tell you how my bosses are going to react."
"I wasn't expecting you to." I look around the street. "Want to meet up here in a week so you can pass on any questions they have?"
"Frankly, no, but I will anyway."
"Good man. Excuse me while I go and do something important. Good luck persuading the testicularly challenged to do something sensible."
I.. don't raise my right hand to my forehead. Considering everything, it just seems…
Yeah.
But I vanish anyway, and after a moment of… Disquiet-. There's no Ophidian here, is there? I didn't think about how much a part of me she was, until…
2nd April 1995
00:45 GMT +2
And here we are. Sarajevo. A city with no military value being bombarded by some dead men. Railgun, auto-target any soldier not running away. Ring, locate me sniper nests and artillery positions.
Targets found.
I raise my left hand, making it glow orange. I was a bit too young to really remember the details of the Bosnian War. I remember that the worst war criminals went to ground, dodged anything approaching justice for years and then ran down the clock in the Hague, but the details of the fighting? Nothing.
Iron slugs and beams of orange light out, and men fall or are disintegrated. I could do this part in my sleep. I erect an orange shield around myself in case someone decides to try shooting me with an anti-aircraft gun of some kind, and then I erect another over the ruined city. That one starts taking hits almost immediately, but…
I told the world-. The comic world, that the Justice League had effectively become its rulers. But here, it… Really is just me. And there's no one whose-. Who I like enough to listen to, to let myself be talked down by.
That.. might not be a good thing. But it's where we are. And looking at the piles of shallow-buried corpses littering the countryside around here, I'm not exactly worried about my ability to do better than the default option.
Hail Orange Lantern, I guess.
15:41 GMT -7
It's a heady feeling, knowing that there's nothing on the planet that can stop you.
Yes, back in the world of fiction, normal police couldn't do a thing to stop me. But the League certainly could, and a hundred other wizards and superheroes, and even if they couldn't stop me, their ill-regard would make my life harder.
Now? I'm on a world where I don't know anyone. I might actually be better served by finding another planet to set up shop on. But I… I think I remember… In the Power Ranger series, something about most of the galaxy being evil-controlled? Though if they considered Rita to be a high-level operative, maybe… Maybe I'm some sort of ultimate hero by their standards? Maybe I actually could lead a crusade and overthrow the evil rulers of the galaxy?
I should probably learn what exactly they mean by 'evil'. And what their idea of a completely 'good' civilisation looks like. Power Rangers didn't strike me as a setting with a great deal of moral nuance, but to have an evil empire there has to be a certain functional structure to it, and if the leadership are regularly, say, blowing up inhabited planets for fun then that structure wouldn't exist.
The N.S.A. agent I'm walking towards spots me and drops his coffee, the cardboard cup hitting the pavement and splashing its contents all over his shoes. He winces, hands twitching as he instinctively goes for his gun and then stops as he considers the situation.
"Senior Agent Ramirez." I wave my right hand and the cup floats up, coffee streaming up into it from the ground and from his feet. "Allow me."
He takes the coffee, looking around for something to put it on and finding nothing.
"What?"
"I can't return the nukes. I used them to blow up an enemy stronghold. But I used all of them, so I don't have any more."
"Yeah. The N.R.O. passed that on."
"I'm sure that the N.R.O. picked up the detonation; I doubt they knew I used all five. Anyway, Rita Repulsa is radioactive dust and there shouldn't be any more monster attacks for the next few months at least."
"M. Hm."
"Questions? Comments? Feedback on my approach?"
"Attacking a U.S. military facility is a serious crime-."
"And I'll care the moment you have someone who can arrest me. Because it's just the Power Rangers who could even try, and they're currently just glad that she's gone. I mean, be reasonable. What's worse? A few dozen instances of assault and trespass, or an alien invader with giant monsters?"
"Four guys had broken bones."
"And if you're going to be a baby about it, I'll visit them and fix them. I'm calling on you because I want to make sure that you're not panicking and planning to do something stupid, not because I want to be friends. Do you have any reasonable requests or sensible questions or can I get on with my day?"
"You're a.. fictional character. How are you even having this conversation?"
"I'm a magic construct based on a fictional character with that fictional character's memories and abilities. I myself am not fictional."
"'Magical'..?"
"They literally dropped a magic potion on a comic. I can't think of any sort of nanotechnology or whatever that could do that." He frowns-. "Yes, I was created by accident. Feel free to joke about it on your own time."
"Okay. So they're dead."
"Yes. The group around Rita Repulsa are dead. There are a great many other hostile aliens in the universe and I don't know how they'll feel about me nuking one of their allies. But Rita's efforts were fairly typical of how they work, so you don't need to worry about them sending a fleet of space ships or anything sensible like that."
"Then what's changed?"
"Now you've got a chance to find an agent with testicles, have them walk over to the Command Centre, and ask for information directly like a sensible person. I'm only bothering to talk to you so no one starts a nuclear war." Hm. "No Earth-nation starts a nuclear war."
"Our orders are to be hands-off with the kids who fight with giant robots."
"Then I.. guess that your ignorance is your problem? Or I can fly by the White House and be rude to the President instead of you, if that would be more helpful?"
"Yeah, for a guy who's supposed to be a superhero, you're being a real dick right now."
"I'm less than a day old and everyone I love never existed. Oh, and my extrasensory perception is so strong that I can see every war and instance of suffering on the planet. Try it sometime."
"I.. guess-. Every war?"
"Yeah, so I'm going to be stopping those. And I'm probably.. going to be building a Star Wars defence network to stop I.C.B.M.s, and… I don't know. I'll see where the mood takes me. I don't mind warning you and yours in advance but to be very clear, I don't work for you or any other government."
Wait, 1995? Zimbabwe isn't completely wrecked yet. Gosh, I'd forgotten about that due to Zimbabwe not existing on Earth 16. All the government-engineered theft, murder, economic ruination and starvation I can prevent.
Senior Agent Ramirez takes a breath. "Well, you're right. I can't physically restrain you, so there's no point in me trying to arrest you. I don't have any authority to set agency policy, so I can't tell you how my bosses are going to react."
"I wasn't expecting you to." I look around the street. "Want to meet up here in a week so you can pass on any questions they have?"
"Frankly, no, but I will anyway."
"Good man. Excuse me while I go and do something important. Good luck persuading the testicularly challenged to do something sensible."
I.. don't raise my right hand to my forehead. Considering everything, it just seems…
Yeah.
But I vanish anyway, and after a moment of… Disquiet-. There's no Ophidian here, is there? I didn't think about how much a part of me she was, until…
2nd April 1995
00:45 GMT +2
And here we are. Sarajevo. A city with no military value being bombarded by some dead men. Railgun, auto-target any soldier not running away. Ring, locate me sniper nests and artillery positions.
Targets found.
I raise my left hand, making it glow orange. I was a bit too young to really remember the details of the Bosnian War. I remember that the worst war criminals went to ground, dodged anything approaching justice for years and then ran down the clock in the Hague, but the details of the fighting? Nothing.
Iron slugs and beams of orange light out, and men fall or are disintegrated. I could do this part in my sleep. I erect an orange shield around myself in case someone decides to try shooting me with an anti-aircraft gun of some kind, and then I erect another over the ruined city. That one starts taking hits almost immediately, but…
I told the world-. The comic world, that the Justice League had effectively become its rulers. But here, it… Really is just me. And there's no one whose-. Who I like enough to listen to, to let myself be talked down by.
That.. might not be a good thing. But it's where we are. And looking at the piles of shallow-buried corpses littering the countryside around here, I'm not exactly worried about my ability to do better than the default option.
Hail Orange Lantern, I guess.
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