Mr Zoat
Dedicated ragequitter
- Joined
- Dec 1, 2016
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16th April 2013
00:23 GMT -5
"O-kay." I turn to look at Bleez's ship as we pull out of the upper level of the Martian atmosphere. "I… Think it's probably best if I escort you back to Earth now. Did you-?"
"What? Why? I can't stop now!"
"Hah! No, you see, you can, which is something I should probably have done years ago."
"Huh?"
I snort and shake my head, though I doubt that she can see that from inside the ship. "Sometimes-. I got training in how to use this-. My ring because I wanted to be able to protect myself. Everything else has been mission creep."
There's silence for a moment.
"Mission creep?"
"Oh, do thanagarians not have that? It's when-."
"No, I know what mission creep is. It's when you deploy soldiers to protect your embassy, and then you slowly expand their mission without ever formally admitting that you're conquering the place."
"That's… No. That's Salami Slicing. Mission creep is the mirror of that, when you genuinely don't mean to do it but do it anyway because each step made sense at the time and then you end up in a situation you never meant to get into."
"Didn't you start the biggest war in the galaxy?"
"I… I'm not aware of any bigger wars… Ah. And I don't exactly regret it, but at no point did I sit down and think: 'okay, how would I go about making a really big war'." I shrug inside my armour. "Things just sort of happened. And partly that was because as an Orange Lantern I need-."
"BWAAHAHAHGGhUUUUUUUUGahgahAAAH!"
I wait patiently for Bleez to stop having a hysterical cackling fit. It turns out that thanagarians have a fairly impressive lung capacity.
"Okay. Okay. Ah-hah-hah-hah. Ugh. Okay. Uh."
"My point is that where I'm about to go is either-."
"Where-? A-heh. Where is it?"
"Do you know what a Star Conqueror is?"
"Someone who's really good at conquering stars?"
"No. In fact, ironically, most of them ended up getting thrown into stars by the Green Lantern Corps."
"I didn't think they… Did that."
"They don't if there's any half-way reasonable alternative. The Guardians determined that there wasn't."
"What did they do?"
"Parasitised entire civilisations, latching into their faces and controlling their brains. And that was just the small ones. The larger ones coordinated the little ones and the largest… The largest were quite a bit bigger than a thanagarian command carrier, and would be able to tear one apart with telekinesis or mind control the crew into doing it for them."
"There's… One in this system, isn't there?"
"There was. It hid on the outskirts of the system for millennia and accreted so much ice and dust that we thought it was a dwarf planet. It got woken up recently and died almost immediately."
"What killed it? You?"
"I'm still not really sure. I think it starved to death."
"What did it eat? People?"
"Dreams."
"Oh. So you think it's eating Swamp Thing and Gumbo Man."
"No, it-. It died. I watched it die, watched as its desires faded away completely. But… Something that big takes a while to die, and not everything about us is purely physical. It would have had a soul of some sort, and… And I never performed the proper funeral rites. There might be something left. I don't know. I wanted to research it but then… A lot of things happened… I don't know what could have happened to make it do anything with plant elementals, but as I said, I don't understand why it did anything. Or I could be completely mistaken and we're just going to fly around a giant corpse for a couple of hours."
"What could it..? Do?"
"As long as you don't go to sleep, it shouldn't be able to do anything. And I have a confidence of about forty percent in that statement actually bearing out and that's why I think you should go back to Earth. Or stay here."
"I… I think I should come."
"W-hy?"
"I can't drop out right at the end!"
"In point of fact, you can."
"No, I can't. And not just because I'd sound stupid if I tried telling anyone the story and then I had to tell them I didn't see the end. You just told me that there's a super dangerous alien species that no thanagarian has ever seen before."
"I think Hawkman and Hawkwoman saw the smaller ones."
"But I haven't seen their report. And my… Handlers, are going to want to hear about this from me."
"And you'll get in trouble if you don't make personal observations."
"Yeah. I don't think they're super-happy about me coming here after I saw that guy from Sinestro's Corps anyway, and…"
And… Asking for political asylum on Earth wouldn't help, because the Thanagarian government would retaliate against Havania. Probably not doing anything crazy, but I imagine that they would find themselves quartering an unusually large number of soldiers, or Vulcan would get relocated, or something along those lines.
"Alright, but if anything untoward happens I expect you to make best speed for Earth."
"That's what I planned on doing anyway. Ah, not that I want to leave you to fight a giant dead-but-dreaming star monster thing, but this ship doesn't have any weapons and this space suit is not combat rated."
"Alright, setting course for Pluto. Did you learn anything about Martian music?"
"Oh yeah! They don't really have instruments, but they can shapeshift their bodies to make just about any noise they want! They actually use sound more for music than speaking because of their telepathy. I wanna come back here later and try watching a concert!"
What a lovely, non-violent and socially productive use for an unusual ability.
…
It'll never catch on.
"You can come back at any time you like. For now, we need to visit a creature from the darkest nightmares."
"Yeah. There's got to be an album in this."
00:23 GMT -5
"O-kay." I turn to look at Bleez's ship as we pull out of the upper level of the Martian atmosphere. "I… Think it's probably best if I escort you back to Earth now. Did you-?"
"What? Why? I can't stop now!"
"Hah! No, you see, you can, which is something I should probably have done years ago."
"Huh?"
I snort and shake my head, though I doubt that she can see that from inside the ship. "Sometimes-. I got training in how to use this-. My ring because I wanted to be able to protect myself. Everything else has been mission creep."
There's silence for a moment.
"Mission creep?"
"Oh, do thanagarians not have that? It's when-."
"No, I know what mission creep is. It's when you deploy soldiers to protect your embassy, and then you slowly expand their mission without ever formally admitting that you're conquering the place."
"That's… No. That's Salami Slicing. Mission creep is the mirror of that, when you genuinely don't mean to do it but do it anyway because each step made sense at the time and then you end up in a situation you never meant to get into."
"Didn't you start the biggest war in the galaxy?"
"I… I'm not aware of any bigger wars… Ah. And I don't exactly regret it, but at no point did I sit down and think: 'okay, how would I go about making a really big war'." I shrug inside my armour. "Things just sort of happened. And partly that was because as an Orange Lantern I need-."
"BWAAHAHAHGGhUUUUUUUUGahgahAAAH!"
I wait patiently for Bleez to stop having a hysterical cackling fit. It turns out that thanagarians have a fairly impressive lung capacity.
"Okay. Okay. Ah-hah-hah-hah. Ugh. Okay. Uh."
"My point is that where I'm about to go is either-."
"Where-? A-heh. Where is it?"
"Do you know what a Star Conqueror is?"
"Someone who's really good at conquering stars?"
"No. In fact, ironically, most of them ended up getting thrown into stars by the Green Lantern Corps."
"I didn't think they… Did that."
"They don't if there's any half-way reasonable alternative. The Guardians determined that there wasn't."
"What did they do?"
"Parasitised entire civilisations, latching into their faces and controlling their brains. And that was just the small ones. The larger ones coordinated the little ones and the largest… The largest were quite a bit bigger than a thanagarian command carrier, and would be able to tear one apart with telekinesis or mind control the crew into doing it for them."
"There's… One in this system, isn't there?"
"There was. It hid on the outskirts of the system for millennia and accreted so much ice and dust that we thought it was a dwarf planet. It got woken up recently and died almost immediately."
"What killed it? You?"
"I'm still not really sure. I think it starved to death."
"What did it eat? People?"
"Dreams."
"Oh. So you think it's eating Swamp Thing and Gumbo Man."
"No, it-. It died. I watched it die, watched as its desires faded away completely. But… Something that big takes a while to die, and not everything about us is purely physical. It would have had a soul of some sort, and… And I never performed the proper funeral rites. There might be something left. I don't know. I wanted to research it but then… A lot of things happened… I don't know what could have happened to make it do anything with plant elementals, but as I said, I don't understand why it did anything. Or I could be completely mistaken and we're just going to fly around a giant corpse for a couple of hours."
"What could it..? Do?"
"As long as you don't go to sleep, it shouldn't be able to do anything. And I have a confidence of about forty percent in that statement actually bearing out and that's why I think you should go back to Earth. Or stay here."
"I… I think I should come."
"W-hy?"
"I can't drop out right at the end!"
"In point of fact, you can."
"No, I can't. And not just because I'd sound stupid if I tried telling anyone the story and then I had to tell them I didn't see the end. You just told me that there's a super dangerous alien species that no thanagarian has ever seen before."
"I think Hawkman and Hawkwoman saw the smaller ones."
"But I haven't seen their report. And my… Handlers, are going to want to hear about this from me."
"And you'll get in trouble if you don't make personal observations."
"Yeah. I don't think they're super-happy about me coming here after I saw that guy from Sinestro's Corps anyway, and…"
And… Asking for political asylum on Earth wouldn't help, because the Thanagarian government would retaliate against Havania. Probably not doing anything crazy, but I imagine that they would find themselves quartering an unusually large number of soldiers, or Vulcan would get relocated, or something along those lines.
"Alright, but if anything untoward happens I expect you to make best speed for Earth."
"That's what I planned on doing anyway. Ah, not that I want to leave you to fight a giant dead-but-dreaming star monster thing, but this ship doesn't have any weapons and this space suit is not combat rated."
"Alright, setting course for Pluto. Did you learn anything about Martian music?"
"Oh yeah! They don't really have instruments, but they can shapeshift their bodies to make just about any noise they want! They actually use sound more for music than speaking because of their telepathy. I wanna come back here later and try watching a concert!"
What a lovely, non-violent and socially productive use for an unusual ability.
…
It'll never catch on.
"You can come back at any time you like. For now, we need to visit a creature from the darkest nightmares."
"Yeah. There's got to be an album in this."
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