Mr Zoat
Dedicated ragequitter
- Joined
- Dec 1, 2016
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13th September
Something's buzzing
I open my eyes, the blackout curtains covering the window of Jade's bedroom maintaining their dutiful watch against the encroachment of the day.
Bzzt. Bzzt.
Jade's still dead to the world, face down in the pillows next to me. She doesn't appear to have curled up against me in her sleep, but she was pretty tired-.
Bzzt. Bzzt.
I lean up slightly and sight her phone on the bedside table, then transition out of bed, pick it up, and then transition into her kitchen.
Bzzt. Bzzt.
I look at the phone for a moment.
07:23 GMT -5
Artemis, right. I press the answer button and hold it to my ear.
"Good morning."
"Hey Jade. Arte wants-." There's a pause as Wallace's brain readjusts. "Oh El?"
"Wallace. Good morning."
"Ah, yeah, hi. How long have you been back?"
"A few hours short of a-"
"Is she ready yet?"
"-day. I was meaning to-."
"Hold on a sec. Artemis, Oh El's back."
"Why's he answeringohmyGod."
I look slightly nervously around the kitchen. Jade moved out of Holly and Karon's house shortly after I left. I suppose this is more convenient for work. "Um."
"Heh. Pretty smooth, Oh El."
"It's not like we hadn't been… I mean, we've spent a lot of time together during the past year."
"Oh, I wasn't trying to say you were easy or anythi-."
"Give me-! That!"
"Um."
"Hey Paul."
"Ow! Careful!"
"Good morning, Artemis. How have you been?"
"Ah, yeah, I'm good. Uh, so… You and Jade, huh?"
"Yes." I walk over to the closest cupboard and pull the door open. "You don't know what she eats for breakfast, do you?"
"Ahh-I think she just has a coffee before we go running. Is she.. there?"
"Yes, but-" I glance back towards her bedroom, sniffing the air. Probably.. should do a quick ring-clean of the place… "-she's still asleep and she was pretty tired-."
"Oh, ew!"
"Be.. cause we were out late… Cccatching up?"
"Yeah, that's not gunna stop me seeing-."
"Err…"
"Ask him if he's going to come 'round the mountain this afternoon."
"Wally wants to know if you're coming to the mountain this afternoon. Or.. at all, I guess."
"What? Why wouldn't he-? … O-kay."
"Um… Yes, I.. plan to. Batman's got me chasing down-."
"You've.. spoken to Batman? I mean, since you've been back?"
"Yes, and I've got the electrified anti-metahuman bolas to prove it."
"He shot you?"
"Batman shot Oh El? What's going on?"
"No, Batman's automated defences shot me after I teleported into the Batcave. There wasn't any specific malice."
"Oh, okay."
"What's okay about that? Gimme the phone b-."
"Ggh!"
"He wants me to find a couple of replacements for Nabu-. Um, as League magic users, I mean. I already knew about one but the second one's going to take a bit longer. I don't think it's really… I'm not going to be moving back in or anything at least until I've finished doing… Finding her." … "Are you still-?"
"Yeah! Still here."
"Totally unfair."
"So who'd you get?"
"Batman… Ah, and the rest of the League, they haven't approved it yet. But he's an African man called Nommo Balewa. He sometimes works under the name 'Doctor Mist'."
"I've… Never heard of him."
"How many African superheroes can you name?"
"Ah-. Ssseven?"
"Really?"
"Rocket did a lecture. She didn't mention him."
"Mention who?"
"Some African guy called Doctor Mist."
"Who? No, it's Oh El, there's no way I'm gunna have heard of them. I'm gunna go look him up."
"He's powerful and non-interventionist. And doesn't need a host-slave. And I think he's actually older than Nabu was. Ah… Maybe."
"'kay. Who's the other one?"
Yeah… "You remember Satanus, right?"
"Heh, the Devil Jizz guy?"
"Yeah, that's the one. He's the son of the wizard Shazam and a Succubus."
"Really?"
"Shazam spends all of his time on his own in a magic rock fortress. And if you're a powerful enough wizard to get away with it without getting your soul ripped out…"
"Okay, ew again, but so what?"
"He's got a sister. And they hate each other. And she was friends with Adom. So if Satanus has made new friends-."
"You think she might want new friends too. Huh. It's… Kinda twisted. But I can see you doing it."
"Thank you."
"So… Is she a superhero, or..?"
"Last I heard, she ran a nightclub and did some 'magic for hire' work. But… Guarantees about her behaviour can be part of our negotiation."
"Wait, is he talking about Blaze? Ask him if she's hot, because-."
"You better not be-!"
"I'll.. talk to you later?"
"O-okay. See yah."
I take a look at the phone to make sure it's off, then put it down on the work surface. That went okay, and it was nice to hear-.
There's a knock on the door.
Ah..? Oh, it's Paula. I walk over and open the door. She blinks at me in mild surprise. "Good morning, Paula."
"Hello, Paul. Are you joining us for our morning run?"
"Run?"
She nods, and I notice that she's wearing tight-fitting sportswear. I do good work.
"Yes. Artemis, Jade and I have been running together-."
"Oh, Jade's still asleep." I point my right forefinger in the direction of her bedroom. "I don't think-" Paula raises her eyebrows. "-she's going to be…"
I look at her.
She inclines her head slightly and raises her eyebrows a little more.
"I shouldn't have said that, should I?"
Something's buzzing
I open my eyes, the blackout curtains covering the window of Jade's bedroom maintaining their dutiful watch against the encroachment of the day.
Bzzt. Bzzt.
Jade's still dead to the world, face down in the pillows next to me. She doesn't appear to have curled up against me in her sleep, but she was pretty tired-.
Bzzt. Bzzt.
I lean up slightly and sight her phone on the bedside table, then transition out of bed, pick it up, and then transition into her kitchen.
Bzzt. Bzzt.
I look at the phone for a moment.
07:23 GMT -5
Artemis, right. I press the answer button and hold it to my ear.
"Good morning."
"Hey Jade. Arte wants-." There's a pause as Wallace's brain readjusts. "Oh El?"
"Wallace. Good morning."
"Ah, yeah, hi. How long have you been back?"
"A few hours short of a-"
"Is she ready yet?"
"-day. I was meaning to-."
"Hold on a sec. Artemis, Oh El's back."
"Why's he answeringohmyGod."
I look slightly nervously around the kitchen. Jade moved out of Holly and Karon's house shortly after I left. I suppose this is more convenient for work. "Um."
"Heh. Pretty smooth, Oh El."
"It's not like we hadn't been… I mean, we've spent a lot of time together during the past year."
"Oh, I wasn't trying to say you were easy or anythi-."
"Give me-! That!"
"Um."
"Hey Paul."
"Ow! Careful!"
"Good morning, Artemis. How have you been?"
"Ah, yeah, I'm good. Uh, so… You and Jade, huh?"
"Yes." I walk over to the closest cupboard and pull the door open. "You don't know what she eats for breakfast, do you?"
"Ahh-I think she just has a coffee before we go running. Is she.. there?"
"Yes, but-" I glance back towards her bedroom, sniffing the air. Probably.. should do a quick ring-clean of the place… "-she's still asleep and she was pretty tired-."
"Oh, ew!"
"Be.. cause we were out late… Cccatching up?"
"Yeah, that's not gunna stop me seeing-."
"Err…"
"Ask him if he's going to come 'round the mountain this afternoon."
"Wally wants to know if you're coming to the mountain this afternoon. Or.. at all, I guess."
"What? Why wouldn't he-? … O-kay."
"Um… Yes, I.. plan to. Batman's got me chasing down-."
"You've.. spoken to Batman? I mean, since you've been back?"
"Yes, and I've got the electrified anti-metahuman bolas to prove it."
"He shot you?"
"Batman shot Oh El? What's going on?"
"No, Batman's automated defences shot me after I teleported into the Batcave. There wasn't any specific malice."
"Oh, okay."
"What's okay about that? Gimme the phone b-."
"Ggh!"
"He wants me to find a couple of replacements for Nabu-. Um, as League magic users, I mean. I already knew about one but the second one's going to take a bit longer. I don't think it's really… I'm not going to be moving back in or anything at least until I've finished doing… Finding her." … "Are you still-?"
"Yeah! Still here."
"Totally unfair."
"So who'd you get?"
"Batman… Ah, and the rest of the League, they haven't approved it yet. But he's an African man called Nommo Balewa. He sometimes works under the name 'Doctor Mist'."
"I've… Never heard of him."
"How many African superheroes can you name?"
"Ah-. Ssseven?"
"Really?"
"Rocket did a lecture. She didn't mention him."
"Mention who?"
"Some African guy called Doctor Mist."
"Who? No, it's Oh El, there's no way I'm gunna have heard of them. I'm gunna go look him up."
"He's powerful and non-interventionist. And doesn't need a host-slave. And I think he's actually older than Nabu was. Ah… Maybe."
"'kay. Who's the other one?"
Yeah… "You remember Satanus, right?"
"Heh, the Devil Jizz guy?"
"Yeah, that's the one. He's the son of the wizard Shazam and a Succubus."
"Really?"
"Shazam spends all of his time on his own in a magic rock fortress. And if you're a powerful enough wizard to get away with it without getting your soul ripped out…"
"Okay, ew again, but so what?"
"He's got a sister. And they hate each other. And she was friends with Adom. So if Satanus has made new friends-."
"You think she might want new friends too. Huh. It's… Kinda twisted. But I can see you doing it."
"Thank you."
"So… Is she a superhero, or..?"
"Last I heard, she ran a nightclub and did some 'magic for hire' work. But… Guarantees about her behaviour can be part of our negotiation."
"Wait, is he talking about Blaze? Ask him if she's hot, because-."
"You better not be-!"
"I'll.. talk to you later?"
"O-okay. See yah."
I take a look at the phone to make sure it's off, then put it down on the work surface. That went okay, and it was nice to hear-.
There's a knock on the door.
Ah..? Oh, it's Paula. I walk over and open the door. She blinks at me in mild surprise. "Good morning, Paula."
"Hello, Paul. Are you joining us for our morning run?"
"Run?"
She nods, and I notice that she's wearing tight-fitting sportswear. I do good work.
"Yes. Artemis, Jade and I have been running together-."
"Oh, Jade's still asleep." I point my right forefinger in the direction of her bedroom. "I don't think-" Paula raises her eyebrows. "-she's going to be…"
I look at her.
She inclines her head slightly and raises her eyebrows a little more.
"I shouldn't have said that, should I?"