Mr Zoat
Dedicated ragequitter
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- Dec 1, 2016
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16th October
15:31 -5 GMT
"Orange Lantern, thank you for coming on the show."
I sit a little carefully into the soft chair provided. Had a bit of an incident in one of the rehearsals… They wanted me to wear my full 'costume' and I flattened the chair with my power armour. The compromise we're using today is that I'm wearing my old leathers and the seat is solidly reinforced. Ms Grant and I are sitting opposite each other on a curved settee with a table -definitely not a desk- between us. Out of all the options Batman provided me with, this is the one I thought best. I need to get a version of events out relatively quickly, and since no one is going to have anything sensible to say for a week or so, going on a more low brow program does the job.
"Thank you for having me on at such short notice."
Ms Grant has only recently made the transition from news reporting to having her own talk show, and I know this is as big a thing for her as my interview was for Dana. I'm pretty sure that she's going to soft-pedal me, which is fine because… And I think this with the greatest respect, she's a pretty face who says stuff to a camera. Not stupid or anything, but definitely not Ms Lane. Ms Lane would have a go at me on principle even if I hadn't scared her senseless last week.
"You've.. been involved in so many interesting things since last time we spoke that it's a.. little difficult to know where to begin."
Saying 'I am pretty interesting' would make me sound conceited. Saying 'Batman pretty much ordered me to answer anything you asked' makes it sound like I'm name-dropping. And I.. don't want to do the Booster Gold thing.
"I'm.. happy to answer any questions you have."
And -thank you brain- I'm now thinking about the Ben Elton novel Popcorn where it was apparently standard practice for female news presenters to apply ice cubes to their nipples before appearing on camera. That's just something he made up, right?
"In that case, let's start with the solar system's newest planet." She glances towards the backdrop, and the screen there shows a still image taken from Ms Lane's spacesuit. "According to astronomers worldwide, this planet appeared last Saturday and flew towards the Sun before stopping close to Mars." A massive simplification, but she knows her audience. "The article that appeared in the Daily Planet newspaper made it pretty clear that you're the one who brought it here."
I rotate my right hand, ring glowing as I switch the image for a real time transmission centred on Mother of Mercy's core cluster. "The planet's name is Ater Clementia, and its sole inhabitant is a member of the Orange Lantern Corps." I'm not sure if Mother of Mercy has a sense of humour or not, but she has rearranged a chunk of her primary connective vines into the shape of the orange sigil and they can be seen glowing faintly through the clouds even at this distance. "Her name is Mother of Mercy and she covers most of the surface."
"She's really that big?"
"Her core consciousness… Her 'brain' is a bundle of vines about the size of a Humvee, and it's in the middle of the symbol there. All of the rest of her body… I suppose you could call the rest her organs. She moves her planet around by manipulating gravity using-" I switch the view to a side-on shot of the gravity spines. "-these things. They're about a-. About sixty miles tall-" And no cracks about American English. "-and she's got about two hundred of them all over her surface. Now that she also has a power ring, she can fly long distances much easier and I asked her to come here to help me out with a project I've been working on."
"Terrifying newspaper reporters?"
That gets a small laugh from the audience.
"That.. was a bit funny-." I lean forwards as I flash up an image of Ms Lane's face on the screen for a moment before returning to the picture of Ater Clementia's surface. "You didn't get that from me. But no. For obvious reasons Mother of Mercy is the Orange Lantern Corps' leading expert in planet physics. I asked her to come here in order to help the Martians with restarting their planet's core. One of the reasons why Martians can't live on their planet's surface is because the radiation there is much too strong for it to be safe for them. On Earth, we're protected from cosmic radiation…"
I pointedly stare at the camera. "That's the sort of radiation that gives you cancer and kills you, not the sort that gives you super powers. We're protected from it by the Earth's magnetic field." I switch the image for a child friendly 'onion' diagram of the Earth. "The Earth's core is mostly comprised of nickel and iron, and it's the core's spinning which creates the magnetic field."
Worth talking about the estimated time until Earth's next geomagnetic reversal? No, that would just distract from the topic under discussion.
"The core of Mars used to do the same sort of thing, but at some point in the past it stopped and Martians were forced to retreat underground. The Martian government has expressed an interest in doing something to change that, and Mother of Mercy is the best person I know for the job. With a little luck, she'll be able to get their core spinning again and keep an eye out for any unintended side effects."
"Such as?"
"Earthquakes and volcanic eruptions are the signs of a lively core. They probably won't be able to avoid some, but she can use power ring scans to detect them and provide an early warning. Mars' lack of surface water also means that they won't have to worry about tsunamis."
Ms Grant nods. "Still, it sounds pretty dangerous."
"There's a risk, certainly, and she's not going to start work until she's got a much more accurate picture of how their planet works. But the Martian government thinks that it's going to be worthwhile."
"Is there any risk to Earth from another planet being in the solar system?"
"Not significantly. Mother of Mercy has been very careful to avoid an orbit which might cause her to collide with any planet that was already here. Even if she suddenly lost the ability to control her own flight, Ater Clementia would fall into a safe orbit around the Sun. As things stand, she can move away from anything she might otherwise hit. She also doesn't have any inhabitants, so there's no risk from that angle."
"Are there a lot of intelligent planets in the universe?"
"Not as far as I'm aware. The Green Lantern Corps has one and I believe that Green Lantern… Huh, it's a bit awkward to talk about them when I can't say their names. The.. brown haired male one, encountered another near this galaxy's rim. Mother of Mercy isn't exactly an intelligent planet but she's fairly close. The Orange Corps also has Lantern Ranx, who is a sentient battle station." I put his image up on the screen. "Not quite planet size, but still very big. I can't.. immediately call to mind any others, but there probably are some. Far more species are humanoid, though."
"And the name, 'Mother of Mercy'. Is that a title or a translation?"
"That's.. a name I picked. She never bothered with a name for herself, but her… Creations are known over a wide section of the galaxy as 'Black Mercies', because they're black and designed as a sort of emergency hospice care system. You.. attach one to the nervous system of someone who's dying and it makes them think that they're in their idea of a perfect world. Naturally, in.. some places they're used as narcotics instead, but that was very much contrary to her intentions when she first made them."
"Wasn't heroin first created as a painkiller?"
"Yes, and just like with heroin the original creator was well intentioned and has no way to reverse the effects when she found out it was being misused." Huh. "Well, technically she could attach every user to herself and gradually wean the users off, but she doesn't have any special way to detect them." Probably best to steer away from that subject. "But just about any medicinally useful substance can be abused. When used for their intended purpose, they are very effective."
Ms Grant nods. "I'm sure that the Martians are very grateful that she's willing to help them. Moving.. on to the second thing that's brought you into the public eye lately, can you explain why you were seen speaking to an angel in New York last week?"
15:31 -5 GMT
"Orange Lantern, thank you for coming on the show."
I sit a little carefully into the soft chair provided. Had a bit of an incident in one of the rehearsals… They wanted me to wear my full 'costume' and I flattened the chair with my power armour. The compromise we're using today is that I'm wearing my old leathers and the seat is solidly reinforced. Ms Grant and I are sitting opposite each other on a curved settee with a table -definitely not a desk- between us. Out of all the options Batman provided me with, this is the one I thought best. I need to get a version of events out relatively quickly, and since no one is going to have anything sensible to say for a week or so, going on a more low brow program does the job.
"Thank you for having me on at such short notice."
Ms Grant has only recently made the transition from news reporting to having her own talk show, and I know this is as big a thing for her as my interview was for Dana. I'm pretty sure that she's going to soft-pedal me, which is fine because… And I think this with the greatest respect, she's a pretty face who says stuff to a camera. Not stupid or anything, but definitely not Ms Lane. Ms Lane would have a go at me on principle even if I hadn't scared her senseless last week.
"You've.. been involved in so many interesting things since last time we spoke that it's a.. little difficult to know where to begin."
Saying 'I am pretty interesting' would make me sound conceited. Saying 'Batman pretty much ordered me to answer anything you asked' makes it sound like I'm name-dropping. And I.. don't want to do the Booster Gold thing.
"I'm.. happy to answer any questions you have."
And -thank you brain- I'm now thinking about the Ben Elton novel Popcorn where it was apparently standard practice for female news presenters to apply ice cubes to their nipples before appearing on camera. That's just something he made up, right?
"In that case, let's start with the solar system's newest planet." She glances towards the backdrop, and the screen there shows a still image taken from Ms Lane's spacesuit. "According to astronomers worldwide, this planet appeared last Saturday and flew towards the Sun before stopping close to Mars." A massive simplification, but she knows her audience. "The article that appeared in the Daily Planet newspaper made it pretty clear that you're the one who brought it here."
I rotate my right hand, ring glowing as I switch the image for a real time transmission centred on Mother of Mercy's core cluster. "The planet's name is Ater Clementia, and its sole inhabitant is a member of the Orange Lantern Corps." I'm not sure if Mother of Mercy has a sense of humour or not, but she has rearranged a chunk of her primary connective vines into the shape of the orange sigil and they can be seen glowing faintly through the clouds even at this distance. "Her name is Mother of Mercy and she covers most of the surface."
"She's really that big?"
"Her core consciousness… Her 'brain' is a bundle of vines about the size of a Humvee, and it's in the middle of the symbol there. All of the rest of her body… I suppose you could call the rest her organs. She moves her planet around by manipulating gravity using-" I switch the view to a side-on shot of the gravity spines. "-these things. They're about a-. About sixty miles tall-" And no cracks about American English. "-and she's got about two hundred of them all over her surface. Now that she also has a power ring, she can fly long distances much easier and I asked her to come here to help me out with a project I've been working on."
"Terrifying newspaper reporters?"
That gets a small laugh from the audience.
"That.. was a bit funny-." I lean forwards as I flash up an image of Ms Lane's face on the screen for a moment before returning to the picture of Ater Clementia's surface. "You didn't get that from me. But no. For obvious reasons Mother of Mercy is the Orange Lantern Corps' leading expert in planet physics. I asked her to come here in order to help the Martians with restarting their planet's core. One of the reasons why Martians can't live on their planet's surface is because the radiation there is much too strong for it to be safe for them. On Earth, we're protected from cosmic radiation…"
I pointedly stare at the camera. "That's the sort of radiation that gives you cancer and kills you, not the sort that gives you super powers. We're protected from it by the Earth's magnetic field." I switch the image for a child friendly 'onion' diagram of the Earth. "The Earth's core is mostly comprised of nickel and iron, and it's the core's spinning which creates the magnetic field."
Worth talking about the estimated time until Earth's next geomagnetic reversal? No, that would just distract from the topic under discussion.
"The core of Mars used to do the same sort of thing, but at some point in the past it stopped and Martians were forced to retreat underground. The Martian government has expressed an interest in doing something to change that, and Mother of Mercy is the best person I know for the job. With a little luck, she'll be able to get their core spinning again and keep an eye out for any unintended side effects."
"Such as?"
"Earthquakes and volcanic eruptions are the signs of a lively core. They probably won't be able to avoid some, but she can use power ring scans to detect them and provide an early warning. Mars' lack of surface water also means that they won't have to worry about tsunamis."
Ms Grant nods. "Still, it sounds pretty dangerous."
"There's a risk, certainly, and she's not going to start work until she's got a much more accurate picture of how their planet works. But the Martian government thinks that it's going to be worthwhile."
"Is there any risk to Earth from another planet being in the solar system?"
"Not significantly. Mother of Mercy has been very careful to avoid an orbit which might cause her to collide with any planet that was already here. Even if she suddenly lost the ability to control her own flight, Ater Clementia would fall into a safe orbit around the Sun. As things stand, she can move away from anything she might otherwise hit. She also doesn't have any inhabitants, so there's no risk from that angle."
"Are there a lot of intelligent planets in the universe?"
"Not as far as I'm aware. The Green Lantern Corps has one and I believe that Green Lantern… Huh, it's a bit awkward to talk about them when I can't say their names. The.. brown haired male one, encountered another near this galaxy's rim. Mother of Mercy isn't exactly an intelligent planet but she's fairly close. The Orange Corps also has Lantern Ranx, who is a sentient battle station." I put his image up on the screen. "Not quite planet size, but still very big. I can't.. immediately call to mind any others, but there probably are some. Far more species are humanoid, though."
"And the name, 'Mother of Mercy'. Is that a title or a translation?"
"That's.. a name I picked. She never bothered with a name for herself, but her… Creations are known over a wide section of the galaxy as 'Black Mercies', because they're black and designed as a sort of emergency hospice care system. You.. attach one to the nervous system of someone who's dying and it makes them think that they're in their idea of a perfect world. Naturally, in.. some places they're used as narcotics instead, but that was very much contrary to her intentions when she first made them."
"Wasn't heroin first created as a painkiller?"
"Yes, and just like with heroin the original creator was well intentioned and has no way to reverse the effects when she found out it was being misused." Huh. "Well, technically she could attach every user to herself and gradually wean the users off, but she doesn't have any special way to detect them." Probably best to steer away from that subject. "But just about any medicinally useful substance can be abused. When used for their intended purpose, they are very effective."
Ms Grant nods. "I'm sure that the Martians are very grateful that she's willing to help them. Moving.. on to the second thing that's brought you into the public eye lately, can you explain why you were seen speaking to an angel in New York last week?"