With This Ring (Young Justice SI) (Thread Fourteen)

Vaermina · Dec 27, 2023

Mr Zoat said:
"Alright." The end of his cigarette catches fire and he waves it, the smoke tracing out a runic shape. "Give me a bell when you admit defeat."

I kind of feel like Grayven should have saved himself the trouble here and just worked with Demon Constantine.

Ngamer11 · Dec 27, 2023

Vaermina said:
I kind of feel like Grayven should have saved himself the trouble here and just worked with Demon Constantine.

In his defense, he's fully aware that working with any Constantine always comes with the possibility of him either screwing you over when you least expect it or things going horrifically wrong and you potentially suffering a fate worse than death if you don't simply die.

Vaermina · Dec 27, 2023

Ngamer11 said:
In his defense, he's fully aware that working with any Constantine always comes with the possibility of him either screwing you over when you least expect it or things going horrifically wrong and you potentially suffering a fate worse than death if you don't simply die.

Is he? This isn't the Grayven that had intact metaknowledge.

Ngamer11 · Dec 27, 2023

Vaermina said:
Is he? This isn't the Grayven that had intact metaknowledge.

Anyone who knows anything about Constantine knows that bad things tend to happen to those who hang out with him too much. The fact that he remembered who Constantine was and some of the comics that featured him definitely means that he knows that fact.

moralrelativity · Dec 27, 2023

Mr Zoat said:
None of they are a

they -> them

Chojin Patriarch · Dec 27, 2023

Mr Zoat said:
Day 15
23rd March 2013
07:13 GMT

Alright, halfway point. The first time I've visited the office in Praetori which the First assigned to me. The demons here aren't exactly physically imposing, but they all look like they've modified themselves… Or been modified, to be better at searching through paperwork, carrying ledgers or writing with their own fingers using built-in reserves of your choice of ink or blood. None of they are a physical threat and the impression my god-senses are giving is that they're either devoted to their jobs or can't remember not to not be.

On the upside, they're not likely to be traitorous - not enough ego of their own left, by the looks of it. But they may respond to any lawful order given to them, even by other people... Probably just as the First planned.

So what have I learned?

Demons have Ork-levels of empathy. Neron's tantrums and the renderers' drive-by harvesting missions are… They're treated like course-hazards, not as decisions made by individuals who could be overcome by numbers and slain. Technically, law enforcement in Hell is headed jointly by Agony and Ecstasy, but the only thing they appear to have an interest in is the rule about them owning you if you lose to the same enemy three times in a row. They very obviously don't care about actual order, or the laws that would normally be established to maintain it.

The joy of having naturally chaotic beings as the ones maintaining order. Justice becomes subject to their whims, and their master cares not about their actions.

Their staff are similar. They do occasionally receive direct instructions from their bosses, but for the most part are effectively left to enforce various pacts to the best of their ability/as far as their strength allows/when they can be bothered. Agony and Ecstasy do occasionally enforce discipline, but it's fairly haphazard and…

Again, it's a course hazard. Except the ones who actually derive satisfaction from being tormented by their bosses.

And no doubt, those who serve them are as mercurial as their masters. Punishing the weaker at their whims... Even if those they discipline have done nothing to deserve it.

And then there's Satanus. The Chief Renderer made it pretty clear that he was lying to me about his raw materials. Combined with the comment that really old souls are unusual in Purgatory it seems likely that he's got a soul smelter set up somewhere. Probably on Earth. My best guess is that he focuses on the older ones because they're most likely to know nothing about modernity, and to have learned to accept the empty mists that the realm had before he took over. They can't help him as much and wouldn't want to anyway. Which means that the bricks, the soil… The souls of the mildly damned are mixed up in all of it.

Yeah, that was pretty much a given, just based on what's known about him via metaknowledge. The question is, what can you do about it that won't make things worse for the denizens of Purgatory.

Lovely.

Neron is creating improved warriors. He does actually treat his best soldiers with a degree of consideration. Based on Rosacarnis's reports, it looks like he was probably more annoyed that the new strength-focused giants couldn't casually rip me apart rather than their failure as individuals. The shining light I saw may well have been him attempting to tune up the spells, or him giving up and removing them. I might be able to get some of them to talk about it by claiming to have permission to talk to them and speaking with approval of the modification scheme, but it's the first sign I've seen that Neron is doing something useful with his position.

Though no doubt he enjoyed the pain they were suffering. He is a sadistic bastard, after all.

So, I suppose one of my first recommendations would be for the First to review all modifications and identify the most useful. Some sort of reward for whoever came up with it, and maybe a subsidy for demons considering getting it. But… Neron seems to prize destructive ability above everything else, and that's only really good for fighting other demons. Which probably isn't something that the First would want to encourage.

On a related note, I've also learned that the First has a marionette harem. Which… Isn't something that I particularly wanted to know, but it does suggest that he is perfectly happy to eliminate free will amongst the demonic population, at least at strategically useful points.

And given some of the defectives that have gained power, it might be needed. On the other hand, letting them stay in power would keep Hell weakened, because a strong Hell...

I think… Huh. Demons-. New demons come from three places. Firstly, existing demons use a part of their own innate energies to create them. This can look like normal sexual reproduction, or take the form of a parasitic implant inserted into the weaker party, or… One of a hundred different things. Secondly, a human soul can ascend to demonhood by absorbing Hell's magic until all of the virtuous traits have been boiled away. Most souls fall apart well before that happens, but even Nergal was a mortal man once upon a time. Thirdly, a naturally occurring locus of Hell's magics can give rise to a new demon. That's where Slime Demons come from, in their case not taking much power to come into being. Others… Well, it's not entirely clear that the abominations who exist within Masak Mavdil are demons, but that's how they arise and they're a good deal more…

I imagine the term 'Eldritch Horror' is a perfectly valid description of them. The best hope is that they lack the cognitive motivations to do anything more than sleep.

Powerful.

Huh.

...No, summoning a Cthulu-alike is not a good idea, Renegade.

The thought occurs that while the Second and Third of the Fallen were demons, the First… He's more like an angel. Meaning that there's a good chance that he's vulnerable to kahuuite. Must remember to tell Constantine about that.

"Think of the devil..."

Which is interesting. He calls them brothers, but... They're more like sons. With their 'mother' being the shattered chunk of reality where the First faceplanted after being yeeted out of heaven.

I look up as… That's not.. John-. Ah. No. It is, his other half.

"Do you prefer 'The Demon', 'John', or will 'Constantine' do?"

The first would be confusing around Hell, the second is rather generic, and the third...

Is probably a curse-word in Hell.

He drags a chair over from one of the other desks and takes up station across from me.

"Please, be seated."

Observing the formalities, eh?

"Got a fag?"

"You can't get one of the most popular narcotics in the world in Hell? I hadn't realised that the place had a 'no smoking' policy."

Hey, it might be following the lead of just about every other non-residential place on Earth.

"They always put weird shit in it."

I shrug. I can imagine. I hold out my right hand-.

I shudder to imagine the bizarre materials available to demons, and the sort of thing that could give some of them a buzz...

"Shouldn't you be more careful, asking people for things in Hell?"

"You're not a demon."

True. And I assume Demonstantine's done his research to know that the Renegade won't mess with someone unless they deserve it.

Silk cuts it is, then.

I pass the packet over, and he raises it to his nose and sniffs it. Then he smiles the smile of a forty-a-day man forced to go cold turkey before sliding a thumb nail through the plastic wrapping and popping open the packet.

Heh. Could keep him on a very short leash if you can fabricate absolutely perfect ciggies. The sort that make all others terrible by comparison...

"But you are a gent. You know who I am?"

"Roughly. A golem made using parts of John Constantine's memories and character, supposed to take his place in a ritual sacrifice."

Like most things Hellblazer related, that's underselling it so much...

"Did take his bleeding place in a ritual sacrifice. Saved the soul of every child in Hell an' still ended up down here."

"There's no justice."

Though he's certainly earned his place since.

"Gets better. Originally, I had a damned soul bound to me who was supposed to absorb all of the suffering, so I could just wander around. Wouldn't have been so bad, except some bastard up on Earth summoned it a few years later."

His eyes shimmer with dull red light as he pulls out a cigarette.

...Well, that sounds awkward. No doubt it can be linked back to the original Constantine somehow...

"So I went from looking just like him to this."

"You still look…" Alright, his jaw line's a little stronger, his hair's sticking out a bit and then there's the eye thing, but otherwise… "Pretty much like him."

Not that he likes that, really. Yet it's probably to tied to his self-image that he couldn't imagine having a different face.

"A demon, is what I mean."

"On the plus side, you can't get lung cancer again."

I'm sure Hell has far worse things for him to suffer. Just a matter of someone deciding to mess with him, really...

"Yeah, you better bloody believe he let me keep that memory."

"And since you managed to become a demon, just being here doesn't make you suffer any more, so why are you talking to me?"

Yes, good question. Why is he here? Come to laugh at the Renegade? Come to offer his tainted advice?

"You've got a problem. You need to fix this place up a little, but make Hell work better is going to be worse for Earth, and everyone's running their own little games and generally taking the piss."

"So I should let you run your own little game and generally take the piss."

Well, if it ain't broke...

"Alright: do you think you're more cunning than John Constantine?"

"No."

Good to see he's realistic about his chances in a trickery contest with John...

"So why not tell me what you've put together so far and then we can put our heads together?"

"Because you're John Constantine with added demon. Neither thing exactly recommends you, and the two together don't cancel each other out."

If anything, it's more like exponential amplification.

"No?."

"I think I'll give myself a chance at solving it first."

"Alright." The end of his cigarette catches fire and he waves it, the smoke tracing out a runic shape. "Give me a bell when you admit defeat."

...And I'm sure the Renegade will be happy to give you a dose of the Sword of the Fallen when you do.

Honestly, I'm amazed the Demonstantine has lasted so long as he is, given that he's not a particularly powerful demon, just an immensely crafty one. No doubt he uses headology to trick anyone coming after him with intent. And now he has a grudge with the Renegade. Well, this isn't going to come back later and bite the Renegade at all, no sir.

Ngamer11 · Dec 27, 2023

Chojin Patriarch said:
Honestly, I'm amazed the Demonstantine has lasted so long as he is, given that he's not a particularly powerful demon, just an immensely crafty one. No doubt he uses headology to trick anyone coming after him with intent. And now he has a grudge with the Renegade. Well, this isn't going to come back later and bite the Renegade at all, no sir.

It's too much to say that Demon Constantine has a grudge. More like he sees an opportunity to take advantage of something and is waiting for the right moment to make his move. He just gave the Renegade an option to try and profit from whatever scam he's thinking of pulling off.

BR549 · Dec 27, 2023

Mr Zoat said:
None of they are a physical threat

'Them', I think.

but make Hell work better is going to be worse for Earth

'making'

Duke Long · Dec 27, 2023

Mr Zoat said:
Demons have Ork-levels of empathy. Neron's tantrums and the renderers' drive-by harvesting missions are… They're treated like course-hazards, not as decisions made by individuals who could be overcome by numbers and slain.

'ork-levels' since they're a species?
I always liked this explanation for orks running when their leader is killed. Is it actually canon, or just nice fanon?

Mr Zoat said:
"No?."

Extraneous full stop?

Mr Zoat · Dec 27, 2023

moralrelativity said:
they -> them

BR549 said:
'making'

Duke Long said:
'ork-levels' since they're a species?
Extraneous full stop?

Thank you, corrected.

I always liked this explanation for orks running when their leader is killed. Is it actually canon, or just nice fanon?

In my day orks ran when the boss died because they were Ld7 and unlike the Guard didn't have leadership bubbles.

Darko · Dec 27, 2023

Chojin Patriarch said:
Which is interesting. He calls them brothers, but... They're more like sons. With their 'mother' being the shattered chunk of reality where the First faceplanted after being yeeted out of heaven.

I think they were made by God, so technically, they are his brothers.

Chojin Patriarch said:
No, summoning a Cthulu-alike is not a good idea, Renegade.

Wouldn't be the dumbest thing he did.

Remember the time he impersonated an Apokaliptian in front of a bunch of people who could report his presence to their leader and said leader could potentially send someone to apprehend him?

Chojin Patriarch said:
Honestly, I'm amazed the Demonstantine has lasted so long as he is, given that he's not a particularly powerful demon, just an immensely crafty one

He is cunning, and useful.

Plus, some of the demons mau keep him alive to torture him because they can't get the original.

Stsword · Dec 27, 2023

Darko said:
Wouldn't be the dumbest thing he did.

Remember the time he impersonated an Apokaliptian in front of a bunch of people who could report his presence to their leader and said leader could potentially send someone to apprehend him?

Remember when he followed that up by trusting a fatherbox, an item that was introduced into DC canon in the Orion series where it was secretly conspiring against Orion for Darkseid?

And assumed that his "Oh I'm Gravy but I lost my soul" would work against a device that undoubtedly could read his DNA and see that his DNA doesn't match, read his body's trace metals and pinpoint where in England he's from, read his immune system to notice the antibodies for every vaccine he's gotten and disease he's ever gotten in his life, and that his facial structure is similar but doesn't actually match?

Vaermina · Dec 27, 2023

Chojin Patriarch said:
...And I'm sure the Renegade will be happy to give you a dose of the Sword of the Fallen when you do.

That would just make things worse since it can't strip what actually makes Constantine dangerous from him.

Zig · Dec 28, 2023

Stsword said:
Remember when he followed that up by trusting a fatherbox, an item that was introduced into DC canon in the Orion series where it was secretly conspiring against Orion for Darkseid?

And assumed that his "Oh I'm Gravy but I lost my soul" would work against a device that undoubtedly could read his DNA and see that his DNA doesn't match, read his body's trace metals and pinpoint where in England he's from, read his immune system to notice the antibodies for every vaccine he's gotten and disease he's ever gotten in his life, and that his facial structure is similar but doesn't actually match?

Ok but it kind of did work. The Father Box totally believed him, and even helped him get his soul back.

Stsword · Dec 28, 2023

Zig said:
Ok but it kind of did work. The Father Box totally believed him

And where did you get that idea?

Because Renegade believed it? Renegade was also surprised that Fatherbox was snitching to Darkseid.

So his understanding of Fatherbox's thought processes were obviously nonexistent.

RoninSword · Dec 28, 2023

Pretty sure we had WoG that Paul isn't actually some sort of DC amnesiac? At least that's what the TV tropes page says and I don't want to try and hunt down actual WoG.

Father Box being the one to start installing the aethric graphs after he first claimed to be Grayven would also be a good place to think about why he actually developed into a New God of Conquest (ignoring that he was pretending to be one at first). Especially if we think about what we learned about all those brain dead clones, the implications that Grayven was purposefully made rather the just another son. Why not try and actually turn this spiritually empty (no soul) human claiming to be Grayven into another Grayven. That also would heavily imply that Darkseid knows and doesn't care because this one is succeeding far more than the one who dove into the Bleed)

Renegade still can't say the word Paul, a trait he only shares with the various Paul's in the multiverse. And he's the only one who 'got his memory and soul back'? To me that seems like definitive proof that while he may be Grayven now (especially with fusing with the Grayven with the dreadnought), he wasnt ever originally Grayven.

Got a bit ramby, sorry about that.

Mr Zoat · Dec 28, 2023

24th September 2010
12:12 GMT -5

"So, ah…" Artemis looks around my laboratory. "This… Is where you hang out.. when you're not… Whatever."

Scan the rat and add it to the chart. Now that I know what I'm looking for, I can see the inrodentia behaviour that I included in the bubble of 'increasingly dominant' behaviours when it really wasn't. Continuing to attack a rat that has surrendered and tried to flee, for example. Chimps will do that, but I don't have a licence for chimp experiments.

"One of the places."

And?

And no one wants a chimp supervillain.

True, but not the point. What would you be testing for?

To see how their behaviour changes.

Artemis stares into one of the rat warrens, watching the little monsters run hither and thither for a few moments before turning around to look at me. "So what exactly are you..? Experimenting on them for?"

"There are dozens of ways to augment people, but most of them are hard to replicate. They require rare materials, only work on certain people, the person who invented it died without leaving any records…" I circle my right hand. "It's… Frustrating."

I step back and draw my pistol.

"Can be a bit fun, though." I raise it and point it at Streaky the Cat. "Watch."

Her eyes wide. "Don't-!"

BANG!

Streaky collapses, half its head blown off by the bullet. I start the clock.

"What did you do that for?!"

"Wait for it."

"Wait for what you psycho?!"

Streaky's remains twitch, and I start watching it even more closely.

"This usually takes about thirty seconds."

"Oh God. What-?"

The brain, bone and flesh regrow, then the hair all over its body sticks straight out as if it had a huge static charge. It awkwardly clambers to its feet, but a misjudged pull causes it to float upwards into the air. Streaky itself doesn't seem unduly bothered by that and lets it legs just droop as it looks down on us.

"What happened?"

"I got a blood sample from a man called Mitchell Shelley. He's got a form of nanobots in his blood that resurrect him whenever he dies. And every time he dies, he gets a new superpower."

"What… Part of that means you need to shoot a cat in the head?"

"Contrary to popular belief, lethal injection is actually a pretty painful way to die, whereas a bullet to the brain is almost instant."

It reaches the ceiling, and tries to scrabble around so that it can get its claws into the ceiling panels. Turning over works perfectly well, but its attempt at grabbing on with claws just pushes it off the ceiling and back towards the floor.

"But why a cat?"

"Mia said something about feeling lonely, so using nanotech to increase her cat's survivability and longevity just seemed natural."

"You shot Mia's cat?"

"I made Mia's cat immortal." Ah… Shouldn't over-sell it. "Probably. I probably made her cat immortal."

"P-probably? You mean you-. You weren't.. sure..?"

"Oh, no, just that I knew it would get better from being shot. I don't know that it's immortal. The thing about immortality is that it's easy to prove things aren't immortal. Proving things are immortal is harder."

"Okay, this is-. Does this..? Okay. Does Mia know what you're doing with her cat?"

"Ah… Probably? I mean, she's got super hearing, so she almost certainly hears the shots."

"Did you-? You didn't tell her."

"I told her I gave her cat super powers. She seemed pretty happy about it."

"Can you make anything immortal?"

I sigh. "No. After I took the initial sample and used it, the nanobots adapted to the technique I used to flash their memory. Everything that hadn't already adapted to the rats and the cat just shut down, and the same things happens to fresh samples."

I shake my head. That was… So disappointing. The superpowers are more or less irrelevant since they're almost always worse than a power ring. Flawless regeneration, even from fatal injuries, with a guarantee of no memory loss, slipped through my grasp and I don't even understand why. I'd have taken that over the Evil Formula any day.

Yeah. That was a big loss all around.

Well, what did you expect me to do? Just dose myself and hope for the best?

No, that would have been a bad idea. I'm just lamenting what could have been.

"Can it fix other stuff?"

"Yes, but it's slower than dying and resurrecting. I'm not sure why." Honestly, I'm mostly hoping that the resurrection effect turns out to be something I can load into the ring.

Me too. I'd be delighted to fix everything wrong with you.

Hah. "Shelley told me that he shoots himself if he stubs his toe, because it's easier than waiting for the pain to die down."

"Okay, but-. What about other injuries?"

I turn away from the aerocat and look at her. "Are you thinking of getting augmented? I've got a few which don't have-"

She shakes her head. "No, no."

"-side-. Effects?" I pull my right hand back from my Vitamin X bottle. "Okay, what-?"

"Like if someone had a severed spine or something."

Ah… "No, nothing here would fix-. Reliably fix that."

"Oh."

"That could be fixed with a biodegradable lattice and a stem cell solution, and that's a mundane treatment. Already proven to work on rats. You'd need to find a university that was ready for human trials, but because of how stem cells work it's basically guaranteed to work properly. I watched a program which showed researchers using that technique to grow a human heart, it's fascinating stuff."

"Right." She nods. "I was just hoping there was some way to just… Click your fingers and make it go away. Y'know? I get there's actually a lot of work in-."

"I could just fix it using the power ring. That would be easier." I shrug. "Take a few seconds, no side effects as far as I can tell. Why, do you have a spinal injury?"

She looks at me as if she's trying to spot a trick. I'm not sure-.

"My Mom? Ring any bells?"

"Oh. Yes. Ah. Hm."

"So, can you-? Can you fix her?"

"Will I.. get a second date out of it?"

Her face hardens. "Are you seriously holding my Mom's spine to ransom?"

"I have an orange power ring. It's literally powered by selfishness."

"I guess that explains why you're so powerful."

I consider frowning, but-. No. "Yes. I want to date you. If doing a thing gets me a date, I can do it. If I tried healing your mother out of pure altruism, it wouldn't work. I wouldn't be able to do it. I mean, I'm sure your mother is as.. fine a woman as an ex-supervillain can be, but I don't have any investment in her."

Her face relaxes a little. "So.. you couldn't do it, if-. Okay. And I just-. A date."

I nod. "Yes."

"And.. you're not-." She shakes her head. "Okay. A date. Somewhere public this time."

I nod. "Can do. Shall we go and see her now?"

Zig · Dec 28, 2023

Stsword said:
And where did you get that idea?

Because Renegade believed it? Renegade was also surprised that Fatherbox was snitching to Darkseid.

So his understanding of Fatherbox's thought processes were obviously nonexistent.

My post was half sarcasm and half a mater of Grayven's claim being true retroactively, with how New God nature works it's possible he was always Grayven, and Paul was retroactively erased.

moralrelativity · Dec 28, 2023

Mr Zoat said:
dozens of ways to augments people

augments -> augment

Mr Zoat said:
who invented it die without leaving any records

die -> died

Mr Zoat said:
'm mostly hoping that the resurrection affect turns out

affect -> effect ?

Stsword · Dec 28, 2023

Huh, Zoat changed Resurrection Man a bit there.

In the comics, you see, his resurrective immortality came from the tektites, alien nanites, yes.

The semi-random superpowers he gets in response to his death, however, is innate to him.

Before he reincarnated as Mitch Shelley, apparently he'd die, be reborn as someone with semi-random superpower depending on how he died last time, rinse and repeat.

In his series the alien tektites were also responsible for Vandal Savage's immortality and Immortal Man's immortality and presumably psychic powers as well.

I actually liked that origin, but of course DC retconned that, because comic book writers think consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds to mangle a Ralph Waldo Emerson quote.

Vaermina · Dec 28, 2023

I really hope this side digression ends with someone just killing this fucknugget and reversing everything he did to people.

crazygrox · Dec 28, 2023

I suspect that these ongoing attempts to date Artemis are what's going to lead him to internalize that he's lost the ability to coast on through keeping up conventional social relationships, but in a way where he doesn't react against his changes, and instead reacts against other people/society/the voice of his ring, leading to the true start of darkness/world conquest.

Chojin Patriarch · Dec 28, 2023

Mr Zoat said:
24th September 2010
12:12 GMT -5

"So, ah…" Artemis looks around my laboratory. "This… Is where you hang out.. when you're not… Whatever."

Scan the rat and add it to the chart. Now that I know what I'm looking for, I can see the inrodentia behaviour that I included in the bubble of 'increasingly dominant' behaviours when it really wasn't. Continuing to attack a rat that has surrendered and tried to flee, for example. Chimps will do that, but I don't have a licence for chimp experiments.

Oh, boy... Bringing your date to your mad science lair. This isn't going to seem creepy at all, Tang. Still, given that he's operating on rather lax morals right now, I can understand his missing that she might be... Concerned.

"One of the places."

And?

Ah, that speaks of things gone wrong.

And no one wants a chimp supervillain.

True, but not the point. What would you be testing for?

And before you say, how bad can it be: Chimpanzees are stronger than humans, despite their size. Breaking bones, tearing off patches of skin... It ain't pretty what they can do...

To see how their behaviour changes.

Artemis stares into one of the rat warrens, watching the little monsters run hither and thither for a few moments before turning around to look at me. "So what exactly are you..? Experimenting on them for?"

I suppose a morality-relaxing super-serum is hard to test on things with no innate morality that a human can discern.

"There are dozens of ways to augments people, but most of them are hard to replicate. They require rare materials, only work on certain people, the person who invented it die without leaving any records…" I circle my right hand. "It's… Frustrating."

I step back and draw my pistol.

Since he still carries a sidearm at this stage, lacking Enlightenment. As opposed to the SI's powered armour with various integrated low-lethality systems...

"Can be a bit fun, though." I raise it and point it at Streaky the Cat. "Watch."

Her eyes wide. "Don't-!"

Yeah, not being a creepy guy at all.

BANG!

Streaky collapses, half its head blown off by the bullet. I start the clock.

...Wait, clock? Did you give a cat a goddamn resurrective healing factor?

"What did you do that for?!"

"Wait for it."

You just shot a random cat in front of her. I don't think she's in the mood for science, Tang.

"Wait for what you psycho?!"

Streaky's remains twitch, and I start watching it even more closely.

Well, that's just disturbing. Especially with you watching the corpse intently.

"This usually takes about thirty seconds."

"Oh God. What-?"

Regretting ever trying to be friendly with Tang now, huh, Arty?

The brain, bone and flesh regrow, then the hair all over its body sticks straight out as if it had a huge static charge. It awkwardly clambers to its feet, but a misjudged pull causes it to float upwards into the air. Streaky itself doesn't seem unduly bothered by that and lets it legs just droop as it looks down on us.

"What happened?"

A flying cat. Or at least anti-gravitational. No vase or mug near a ledge is safe now!

"I got a blood sample from a man called Mitchell Shelley. He's got a form of nanobots in his blood that resurrect him whatever he dies. And every time he dies, he gets a new superpower."

"What… Part of that means you need to shoot a cat in the head?"

...You put his nanites in the cat. But not in yourself. Interesting.

"Contrary to popular belief, lethal injection is actually a pretty painful way to die, whereas a bullet to the brain is almost instant."

It reaches the ceiling, and tries to scrabble around so that it can get its claws into the ceiling panels. Turning over works perfectly well, but its attempt at grabbing on with claws just pushes it off the ceiling and back towards the floor.

...If it weren't for the fact you shot it a minute ago, this might be amusing.

"But why a cat?"

"Mia said something about feeling lonely, so using nanotech to increase her cat's survivability and longevity just seemed natural."

...Only to you, Tang. Then again, the alternatives... Well, would an Evil Formula really do much to a cat?

"You shot Mia's cat?"

"I made Mia's cat immortal." Ah… Shouldn't over-sell it. "Probably. I probably made her cat immortal."

True, even Shelly eventually dies... After about 850,000 years.

"P-probably? You mean you-. You weren't.. sure..?"

"Oh, no, just that I knew it would get better from being shot. I don't know that it's immortal. The thing about immortality is that it's easy to prove things aren't immortal. Proving things are immortal is harder."

Especially if said reviving effect isn't instantaneous, or at least rapid.

"Okay, this is-. Does this..? Okay. Does Mia know what you're doing with her cat?"

"Ah… Probably? I mean, she's got super hearing, so she almost certainly hears the shots."

And naturally, he doesn't give a flying fuck about the trauma it might be causing to her. Because evil.

"Did you-? You didn't tell her."

"I told her I gave her cat super powers. She seemed pretty happy about it."

...Well, it's not a lie. Technically.

"Can you make anything immortal?"

I sigh. "No. After I took the initial sample and used it, the nanobots adapted to the technique I used to flash their memory. Everything that hadn't already adapted to the rats and the cat just shut down, and the same things happens to fresh samples."

Gee, how sad for you.

I shake my head. That was… So disappointing. The superpowers are more or less irrelevant since they're almost always worse than a power ring. Flawless regeneration, even from fatal injuries, with a guarantee of no memory loss, slipped through my grasp and I don't even understand why. I'd have taken that over the Evil Formula any day.

Yeah. That was a big loss all around.

Hah, the Ring and I agree. Though really, anything would be better than something named the 'Evil Formula'!

Well, what did you expect me to do? Just dose myself and hope for the best?

No, that would have been a bad idea. I'm just lamenting what could have been.

I'm guessing massive body horror meltdown

"Can it fix other stuff?"

"Yes, but it's slower than dying and resurrecting. I'm not sure why." Honestly, I'm mostly hoping that the resurrection affect turns out to be something I can load into the ring.

Strange. It repairs all the damage anyway in the resurrection process. So why have it be slower? Safety features to preserve the mind because the process hurts?

Me too. I'd be delighted to fix everything wrong with you.

Hah. "Shelley told me that he shoots himself if he stubs his toe, because it's easier than waiting for the pain to die down."

...That should not be taken as any sort of advice.

"Okay, but-. What about other injuries?"

I turn away from the aerocat and look at her. "Are you thinking of getting augmented? I've got a few which don't have-"

Eesh. Tang could be a total power dealer if he turned supervillain openly.

She shakes her head. "No, no."

"-side-. Effects?" I pull my right hand back from my Vitamin X bottle. "Okay, what-?"

Amusing, given her unwanted empowering in the SI timeline...

"Like if someone had a severed spine or something."

Ah… "No, nothing here would fix-. Reliably fix that."

What, no 'healing factors in a bottle' at all? Or just some with nasty drawbacks?

"Oh."

"That could be fixed with a biodegradable lattice and a stem cell solution, and that's a mundane treatment. Already proven to work on rats. You'd need to find a university that was ready for human trials, but because of how stem cells work it's basically guaranteed to work properly. I watched a program which showed researchers using that technique to grow a human heart, it's fascinating stuff."

I assume the DC Universe's research on it is that much more advanced because 'comic book science'...

"Right." She nods. "I was just hoping there was some way to just… Click your fingers and make it go away. Y'know? I get there's actually a lot of work in-."

"I could just fix it using the power ring. That would be easier." I shrug. "Take a few seconds, no side effects as far as I can tell. Why, do you have a spinal injury?"

...Okay, Tang, we all know you're not that much of an idiot.

She looks at me as if she's trying to spot a trick. I'm not sure-.

"My Mom? Ring any bells?"

...Or did you just enjoy forcing her to say it?

"Oh. Yes. Ah. Hm."

"So, can you-? Can you fix her?"

Can he? Of course. Will he? Cui Bono?

"Will I.. get a second date out of it?"

Her face hardens. "Are you seriously holding my Mom's spine to ransom?"

She is about one second from kicking him in the fork, storming out and telling the team what he's shown her...

"I have an orange power ring. It's literally powered by selfishness."

"I guess that explains why you're so powerful."

Yes, no Hope, Compassion or Love to get in the way...

I consider frowning, but-. No. "Yes. I want to date you. If doing a thing gets me a date, I can do it. If I tried healing your mother out of pure altruism, it wouldn't work. I wouldn't be able to do it. I mean, I'm sure your mother is as.. fine a woman as an ex-supervillain can be, but I don't have any investment in her."

Her face relaxes a little. "So.. you couldn't do it, if-. Okay. And I just-. A date."

Goddammit, lady. Is his idiot act just that powerful that you can't see it's just that? Or does she just have a thing for assholes?

I nod. "Yes."

"And.. you're not-." She shakes her head. "Okay. A date. Somewhere public this time."

I nod. "Can do. Shall we go and see her now?"

No doubt he won't accidentally rejuvenate her, like the SI did. No enough desire to help her.

My god, Tang is such a little... If we didn't know he wins out in the end, I'd want to see him foul up and expose his real behaviour in a way that the usual DC stupidity can't hide. Alas, with the future a known quantity, this side plot just ends up getting worse and worse for the good guys. I shudder to imagine what he'd do with the Ophidian's power if he got his hands on her.

Duke Long · Dec 28, 2023

Mr Zoat said:
He's got a form of nanobots in his blood that resurrect him whatever he dies.

'whenever'?

I'm surprised the ring didn't tell him shooting a cat would be a faux-pas (and also animal cruelty). Hm, is it trying to allow heroes to see his bad personality in the hopes that they'll somehow turn on him and force him to revert the Evil?

DAT_NOOB · Dec 28, 2023

You know I don't get all the hate for Tangseid, I think he's funny.

jasonh23761 · Dec 28, 2023

DAT_NOOB said:
You know I don't get all the hate for Tangseid, I think he's funny.

I think he's interesting when contrasted against other alts and seeing how things can go differently, plus the unrepentant dick he is can be pretty amusing.

I can also understand why people find him morally repulsive, to say the least.

Mr Zoat · Dec 28, 2023

moralrelativity said:
augments -> augment
die -> died
affect -> effect ?

Duke Long said:
'whenever'?

Thank you, corrected.

Chojin Patriarch said:
I assume the DC Universe's research on it is that much more advanced because 'comic book science'...

No, that's about where the real world was in 2010.

...Okay, Tang, we all know you're not that much of an idiot.

A problem about not having empathy is that he genuinely didn't realise that she might be asking for someone else.

lancelot · Dec 28, 2023

Can we please go back to forgetting about this version, if I want to deal with psychopaths pretending to care I can read about politics. Chapters about this version are very much a chore to read.

LazySloth13 · Dec 28, 2023

I like reading TangPaul since it takes the sort sociopathic tendency of Para-Paul sometimes shows or thinks about without the dickishness of Grayven who renegade nature is unappealing to me. Plus there's something entertaining about everyone else in the cape business react to someone who investigates and exploits the weird things they usually leave alone or don't think about, be it schizotech or magic, and them being left bamboozled by someone so well prepared. Not to mention how difficult it would be trying to romance a comic book character depending on what sort of character the MC is at their core or under the influence of mind altering macguffins, in this case an aspiring heroine who feels accountable of her supervillain family's actions.

Plus given this universe version of Superboy is a girl who knows what other changes are possible and the sort of character interactions could happen. Like we know Diana his main squeeze in the future but maybe in the build up he winds up seducing/corrupting other heroines/villainesses as well. Depending on well Mia is getting on with being more than just a clone/weapon of Superman I can see her and TangPaul hanging out or going on dates where she figures out what she likes to do aside from being a hero. Maybe desperate characters like Holly end up being taken advantage by TangPaul, maybe robotic characters like Red Inferno or Red Torpedo depending on which is female get rebuilt as advance gynoids with secret subroutines to serve his interests, or his list of possible magical artifacts include objects with subtle mind/perception effects.

Cool10007 · Dec 28, 2023

Mr Zoat said:
"I got a blood sample from a man called Mitchell Shelley. He's got a form of nanobots in his blood that resurrect him whenever he dies. And every time he dies, he gets a new superpower."

Ah, resurrection man my beloved. Nice to see someone acknowledging the existence of one of my favourite DC characters- though admittedly it's a fair choice narratively speaking with his power. Super hobo is a pretty cool concept, though I prefer the original version to the newer comics.

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