NightmareWarden
Versed in the lewd.
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"That's not how you're supposed to clean the tailpipe."Jack: "How am I going to tell my mom 'I got my motorcycle pregnant?'"
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"That's not how you're supposed to clean the tailpipe."Jack: "How am I going to tell my mom 'I got my motorcycle pregnant?'"
There's a funny moment after finding out about Jack's interaction with the autobots has her visit the base and joke about wearing heels after asking where Optimus was. Plus one fan comic in which Optimus plays along with him dating Jack's mom, I think it was on deviantart or may have been a porn comic.
There's a funny moment after finding out about Jack's interaction with the autobots has her visit the base and joke about wearing heels after asking where Optimus was. Plus one fan comic in which Optimus plays along with him dating Jack's mom, I think it was on deviantart or may have been a porn comic.
Oh god, if it was the internet... Pray he didn't find the hentai.Which leads to the question of how much Shockwave knows about human biology... And where he learned it.
It likely wouldn't be as bad with Shockwave there...however, whoever he decides is an expert might have one of the most surreal experiences in his life.Oh god, if it was the internet... Pray he didn't find the hentai.
This is why we scrub our browser histories people!
I enjoyed the clip. I didn't enjoy searching through Optimus X Megatron art and June X Megatron art to find what you're talking about, I gave up. Still, I did find this.There's a funny moment after finding out about Jack's interaction with the autobots has her visit the base and joke about wearing heels after asking where Optimus was. Plus one fan comic in which Optimus plays along with him dating Jack's mom, I think it was on deviantart or may have been a porn comic.
Heh, giant robot cuddling. I shudder for their paintwork, though, and just imagine the awkward positioning of their exposed altmode kibble. Seriously, some bots have some crazy amounts of parts hanging off odd places, sometimes.15th July 2014
23:17 GMT +5:30
Slipstream leans back into me. "This is something I've never tried before."
I try rearranging the position of Pull's hands around her abdomen. Giant robot bodies aren't really designed for this. We both hard large armoured panels that don't give much in the way of tactile feedback covering most of our bodies, and the size difference is… Not enough to enable her to sleep in my metaphorical cockpit, but enough that it feels a little awkward to me.
And even with supports, there's always the issue of holding certain positions for long periods. Stuff like deep-vein thrombosis. And whether he's sitting or standing, there'd have to be some measure of safety restraints involved to prevent him bouncing around the 'cabin' while Pull moves. Which could be uncomfortable in their own way."How do you mean?"
Plus, I-. Okay, I can sleep while plugged into Pull. The supports are good enough, and I'm not getting all that much sensory feedback from my body like this anyway. The Pull body is comfortable in just about any position, lacking any of the muscles, bones and circulatory system that my body has which cause cramps or paresthesia. I just don't feel comfortable ignoring my actual body for long periods of time. Unlike the Pull body, it is actually essential to my life.
Whereas some fanfics I've read (Especially 'Things We Don't Tell Humans') have had the 'bots act a lot like humans, right down to cuddling..."Recharging with someone." A-. "With a-. Transformer. Even with my.. team, we just had berths near each other."
I incline my head to try nuzzling her, but she's far too short for that. Alright, assuming that she's mostly drawing on her T-cog's interpretation of human behaviour for this, moving my legs in a little and-.
And probably not that averse to trying a little cuddling either.BEEP.
And someone's ringing our doorbell. And that was the transformer-scale bell, so… Flywheels don't socialise, Dreadwing would either leave it until morning or bang on the door with his fist, Heatseeker is still at the track, Axelgrease would sent us a message electronically… Probably Nova Storm, then. Not the first time she's wanted to be around us during her recharge cycle.
Ooh, this could get embarrassing. I hope she's not after a practical demonstration of human mating practices."Open." / "Open."
Slipstream looks up at me with a lazy smile. "You read my mind. She-."
The door hisses open and Arcee walks in and I-. And Slipstream, I can feel her accessing the memory and I can feel the memory of what Tailgate suggested.
That's an angle not a lot of people think of, is it? You see the Constructicons uniting and most people figure 'uh-oh, giant angry robot!' not 'whoa, giant robot orgy!'Arcee stops just inside the room, her eyes glowing as she adjusts to the low light levels. There's a mobile data terminal in her hands, and… Her body language suggests that she's… Uncomfortable? Which is odd, because while a human might find walking in on a couple snuggled up together there isn't an equivalent thing with transformers. Heck, combiner teams will plug themselves into each other in public and then fight people.
If she's been doing her research on humans, she probably realises that this is kind of interrupting something."Ah. Hey."
She actually raises her left hand in greeting. Yes, nervous. Awkward.
...And it couldn't wait? Well, I suppose they weren't busy.Slipstream looks up at her. "Did you want something?"
"Yeah. I need to talk to you."
Hope she's browsing in private mode. With the sound off."Right now?
Her eyes dart to her terminal for an instant. Oh right, I know where this is going.
That does raise an amusing thought: Would 'bots with removed plating consider themselves 'naked'? I mean, they'd certainly be vulnerable, without any armour plating in place, but the cultural associations humans have with being uncovered wouldn't be there..."Um. Yeah."
I put my palms on the ground to get up, but Slipstream doesn't move. Right, this doesn't feel awkward to her. And… I mean, we're basically fully clothed like this. The only odd thing about this is that Arcee is standing up while we're sitting-.
Congratulations! Relationship progress!Arcee sits down opposite us.
"I had a… Conversation, with Jack."
Especially as described by a teenage boy whose education on the matter probably falls more towards 'naughty magazines and online websites' than proper classes, given America...I nod Pull's head. "Yes. Good. It-."
"I don't think I understand the…" She half-raises her terminal and the lowers it-. What has she been watching? "Bonding."
And Pull almost has a sudden coughing fit. Curious if Cybertronians even have 'pleasure'-focused tactile senses like humans do.Slipstream makes a circling motion with her right hand. "Which part?"
"Why is it fun? Outside of manufacturing new humans, all Jack could say is 'it feels really good'."
Sadly, it's one of those things that's hard to put into words... I doubt Slipstream could share sensor logs of the experience either, given Arcee doesn't have the metaphorical 'codec' needed to replay them.Slipstream nods. "It does."
"But… How? Why? If I have to rewire my T-cog, I want to know what I'm getting into."
I'm guessing it would have been some variation of 'It's more like what would be getting into you'...I feel Slipstream thinking the joke at the same time as I feel her feeling me think the joke, and we both realise that Arcee wouldn't get it. Slipstream wants to say it anyway-
>Paragon Interrupt.png<
-but accepts my feeling that it really wouldn't be helpful.
Make sure she at least has the basic details correct. Especially when it comes down to 'Tab A into Slot B...' Or sometimes Slot C, if you're feeling adventuresome.I consider for a moment. Explaining it to a human wouldn't be hard, but I know from Slipstream that transformers don't have any sort of intuitive understanding of the area. Heck, Slipstream basically just went along with my suggestions. I should know enough not to bridge the gulf in understanding, but first…
Oh god, she downloaded an entire porn site, didn't she?
...Okay, not a porn site. I bet she just scoured every bit of info she could find from Wikipedia and various medical sites, then. (Not that Wikipedia doesn't have some surprisingly sexual content...)Slipstream lets out an amused snort. "For humans, there's a big difference between entertainment and educational."
Which we have explored in detail. But Arcee just frowns and raises the screen to show us-. A diagram of the human nervous system.
What makes up the difference between 'Tab A into Slot B' and 'vigorous lovemaking', among other things."This doesn't make sense to me."
I make Pull's head nod. "Did you do any research on evolutionary psychology?"
"No. What's that?"
And I suspect some species would like to have words with their creator deity about some of the issues with their baseline specs. So many badly-designed organic systems..."Alright. As I understand it, Primus made the first twelve transformers, and they designed the next generation, and then after they all vanished the All-Spark discharged energy to animate pieces of metal based on those early templates. Then you invented cold casting and vehicons…" She nods cautiously. "Most species that I've seen records on don't do it like that. There might be some mythology relating to a creator deity, but none that I've seen have as direct a relationship with their that transformers have with Primus. Most species who claim to have been created by a god can't provide the design schematics. And without wanting to sound like a hardcore Functionalist, a lot of what you are made for relates to your alt-mode. Generally, you'll feel like you're doing what you're made for when you're using it for something, preferably with a group of like-minded transformers."
Billions of years of chemistry developing into biology."So what do humans do?"
"Despite coming from the body of Unicron, we started out as simple chemical reactions which became living slime after being hit by lightning."
She frowns. "How does that make a human?"
Still better than the sillier origin stories of Cybertronian life. Like G1 Marvel's spiel about 'naturally-occuring gears, levers and pulleys.' What even..."A few million years of iteration. Some mixes of chemicals survived and reproduced, and some didn't. They were changed in small ways by their environment and then either survived and reproduced more and flourished, or didn't and died out. Over millions of years some slime gained complexity, becoming multicellular organisms. Because they weren't deliberately crafted by an intelligent designer but rather refined by their environment, their instincts developed tendencies that generally made them more likely to reproduce. We weren't programmed to form teams, but those creatures who cooperated slightly better were slightly more likely to survive and reproduce than those who didn't and so something like teams naturally emerged; we get the same positive feeling, but as a result of iteration rather than design."
This is where things get stranger. At least to Cybertronian eyes.
And she does look feminine enough for his monkey deep-brain to go 'ook! Biiig woman! Me like!' on top of all the other psychological compatibility triggers."Use this as a guide to further study. There's plenty of information out there. Now, reproductive desires themselves are too abstract a thing for iteration to generate. Rather, we develop positive feelings about objective things relating to it. Socialising with people who have the characteristics which evolution tells us leads to good relationships and healthy children. Having sex with them, raising the resulting children, it all gives us the same sort of positive feeling that teamwork does transformers, in addition to the concentrations of nerves which -in the case of sex- makes the simple mechanical act pleasurable. The fact that Jack can't reproduce with you doesn't signify because the instincts which has led his brain to regard you as a good mate developed around other humans and not giant robots."
It's a start for the emotional aspects, at least."So it's like…" She looks at Slipstream, probably because half of that went over her head. "Successful teamwork?"
Slipstream nods. "Successful teamwork completing a project, getting to a safe location and being able to put your weapons away and refuelling when you were getting low. None of that's quite right, but it's the best I can explain it."
Well, she's got like a year to look into it, assuming Ratchet gives his okay. As for Jack, well...Arcee thinks for a moment.
"That doesn't… Sound.. too strange." She gets up, and walks towards the door. Once there, she hesitates. "Thanks. I'll… Think about it some more."
We both have large armoured panels...
She half-raises her terminal and then lowers it-.
...as direct a relationship with theirs that transformers have with Primus....as direct a relationship with their that transformers have with Primus.
We both have large armoured panels...
She half-raises her terminal and then lowers it-.
...as direct a relationship with theirs that transformers have with Primus.
Thank you, corrected.Me said:
To be fair, in a universe where the cosmic deity of creation, righteousness and life is a planet sized (and usually planet shaped) giant robot, the idea that mechanical systems might occur naturally isn't that far fetched. Not to mention that, in a sense, proteins and nucleic acids are basically naturally occurring nanomechanisms and blueprints, we just don't usually consider them that way.Still better than the sillier origin stories of Cybertronian life. Like G1 Marvel's spiel about 'naturally-occuring gears, levers and pulleys.' What even...
Thnak you, corrected.Sorry but you made an error in one of Paul's statements. There were originally Thirteen Transformers rather than Twelve.
I said I'd do five years, so I'll do five years. I'll be in my mid-fifties by the time I finish.Okay i just checked, this fanfic ran LONGER than "new 52" & "rebirth", is there an ending planned or do you want the record for the longest running fanfic ?.
Because every "alternative paul" could easily be their own fic, heck put them all into a separate post and they are still longer than. Most fics , heck you CREATED the "lantern si craze" and outlived it to boot.
I am no longer hairy enough to be Alan Moore.Honestly at this point you could go to any comicbook universe's writing team and be a "mini-alan moore".
Are you writing to the beginning of season 2 or the end of it?I said I'd do five years, so I'll do five years. I'll be in my mid-fifties by the time I finish.
Vran Gozzi decided being a Lantern wasn't for her.- Is the Acolyteship thing still happening with Vran Gozzi? Hasn't been on-screen in a long while, at least.
when was that? Can't seem to find it with a quick search
End of series two.Are you writing to the beginning of season 2 or the end of it?
per -> her
sites -> sights
worse -> worst
Maltus is about as safe as anywhere in N.E.M.O. space, but it never hurts to be at least a little on guard.
"No. You are a better teacher than I. Removing you would be foolish and disrespectful. It is… Not what I want."
I gently push my way through the crowd, and then through the barrier separating the arena from the stands. And I'm sure that I'm beaming like an idiot.
It worked.
"Lantern Xalitan Xor." He looks up at me as I come in to land. He looks… More relaxed than I've seen him before. Even with Onigar, his need to be prepared for violence is so much a part of him that he couldn't let it go. Now? "You look well."
"Illustres. I… Feel well. Everything… Makes.. sense now
He's done it. It works. And even better, he's not one of the ones who wants to kill me and take my place.
The Reach have accomplished stranger feats than striking at the heart of their enemies' territory. Though I imagine everyone making it this far without an Orange Ring is checked and double-checked repeatedly. And even some with a Ring...Equity
19th April 2013
23:11 GMT
There's a brightly glowing crowd of Orange Lanterns loitering around the training arena as I descend through the Maltus atmosphere. A few towards the back of the crowd glance up at me, and I give them a pleased nod at their situational awareness. Maltus is about as safe as anywhere in N.E.M.O. space, but it never hurts to be at least a little on guard.
Holy carp, what timing. Ragnar actually defeated in a spar? People are going to remember this day.A giant orange fist smashes Lantern Ragnar into the ground and I can barely feel that it's there. He responds by trying to crumble it but it shifts form even as the outer edge starts to give way, binding his body and locking him in place. He struggles against it for a moment, then orange light begins being pulled from his ring and into his opponent. Sighing, his bows his head.
Wait, that isn't OL talking. A doubly momentous day, it seems!"You have bested me." The bonds around him vanish, and he pulls himself upright. "My position is yours, if you want it."
"No. You are a better teacher than I. Removing you would be foolish and disrespectful. It is… Not what I want."
OL knows that others can become Enlightened now. And if one could manage, then they can teach others...I gently push my way through the crowd, and then through the barrier separating the arena from the stands. And I'm sure that I'm beaming like an idiot.
It worked.
I have no doubt every Lantern here is watching intensely with Empathic Sight to try and identify the differences..."Lantern Xalitan Xor." He looks up at me as I come in to land. He looks… More relaxed than I've seen him before. Even with Onigar, his need to be prepared for violence is so much a part of him that he couldn't let it go. Now? "You look well."
"Illustres. I… Feel well. Everything… Makes.. sense now."
A placid stream rather than a roiling rapid. The rough patches of things he did not want to want have smoothed out.I amp up my empathic vision, curious what it looks like from the outside. Ah, yes, I see. Everything that makes him him is still there, still solid, but there's… The system isn't under pressure in the same way anymore. There's a flow between all parts that he didn't used to have, and the system as a whole is less rigid-.
It's the tattoos, right? Empathic sight is technically a kind of magical targetting, after all.I feel a slight pressure on my own desires, and pull back to the material universe to watch his eyes glowing.
"I… Can barely see you." He frowns faintly. "I can see all others clearly. Am I..? Not..?"
Also, part of OL's soul is part of the Ophidian, right? It's like trying to look at an entire building from within one tiny room within it..."Lantern Xor, you know what my tattoos do. I'm impressed that you can see anything."
"But I want to be certain."
Oh, Best Snek is going to be figuratively jumping for joy, isn't she? Two orange people who get her.I nod. "Alright, one way to do that. Let's go and talk to the Ophidian about it."
I rise up into the air and Xalitan follows me as we turn towards the Orange Central Power Battery. Not really necessary of course, but-. He's done it. It works. And even better, he's not one of the ones who wants to kill me and take my place.
And now a lot of them are going to be bashing their heads against the metaphorical wall of self, in search of 'understanding' but mostly power. And those ones are the least likely to achieve it.Beneath us, Lantern Ragnar turns to the audience.
"That is the power that is within reach of all of us! Powerful as the Illustres is, he does not need to be unique! For all of those who doubted the use of spiritual training, look-" He gestures up as we fly away "-at what Lantern Xor has become!"
Given that OL only managed it by taking a deep dive into his own deep subconscious, while soaked in the Ophidian's light, I can't imagine it was easy for Xor.Lantern Xor looks contemplative. "That is excessive. I have not changed as much as he implies."
"Your new power is the result of your efforts to understand and reflect on your nature. The final step is a large one, but you've been heading in this direction since we met at least. Oh, just a moment."
Oh, Ragnar's going to be doing basic training with him, isn't he? That will be interesting to see, given the capabilities Great Mother showed.I turn in the air, waving my right hand. After a moment Lantern Son flies down to us.
"I was uncertain if I was supposed to keep following you."
He just told you, Xor. That's more than a mere matronymic he has."Up to you. Lantern Xor, this is Lantern Son of Great Mother. He'll be working in our Sector."
"Welcome to the Orange Lantern Corps, Lantern Son of Great Mother. What world are you from?"
...He's picturing a giant sperm, isn't he? Only natural, given Son's appearance..."I am from Great-Mother. In your terms she is a sophont spaceship, and I am an intelligent part of her reproductive system."
Xor's puzzlement grows. "When you say that you are a part of her reproductive system, what do you mean?"
I can only imagine what he'll bring to bear in combat scenarios, once he gets his mind around more advanced Ring usage."I am an efficient way of transferring design data from Great-Mother to others of her species. Outside of that role, I act as a defence and repair drone. Mentally, I am…" Orange lights flicker inside him. "Was, more simple than you and the Illustres. Now, I am not sure what I am, but I know that there are many things which could threaten Great-Mother and that is a task I am well equipped perform."
Insightful. No doubt helped by a discreet peek at Son's desire network. Something else OL is going to have to teach him to truly master."I was someone else's weapon." Xalitan makes an affirmative gesture. "I advise you to consider things beyond that. I achieved my current level of power by… Understanding that many people are someone's Great Mother, and that there are many threats to all of them."
"I shall consider that. There are many things about how I am now that I do not understand."
I honestly doubt Son would be walking around on his motive tendrils, after all. And with a Controller on overwatch, I doubt there's much that could harm the battery now.We land-. Xalitan and I land on the plaza containing the Orange Central Power Battery. There are defences around it, but the Battery itself is perfectly visible from the outside. There are a few Lanterns here, the more religious types who make formally venerating the Ophidian part of their day. There is also a party of… Tourists? Taking in the sites. And a Controller, probably making sure that it's working correctly. Hinon has people for that sort of thing now.
He's never really visited, has he? Not exactly a religious lad, after all."Lantern Son, please stay out here. Lantern Xor, with me."
"I will comply."
Xalitan follows me, looking into the orange light ahead of us curiously.
So, OL's going to, what, call the Ophidian out of the Battery? The folks watching are going to get one hell of a show today."Is this dangerous?"
"It shouldn't be. Honestly, even-." I frown. "Did you ever experience an orange light overload?"
Xor always seemed the sort to not get lost in his wants. Letting go of that rigid self-control is probably what helped him make the breakthrough.
Best Snek gets a start on her harem of orange boys. And Girls, since I doubt she's biased."That's probably the worst that would happen. At worst… Some psyche damage. She's not aggressive with Orange Lanterns, but she can be overwhelming."
"And when she knows me?"
Is there even a position name for what Xor is now? Honour Guard, maybe? Lightbearer? Dox probably has dozens of possible plans already in place, no doubt."Then I show you how I teleport interstellar distances. And I suppose that she might want to get to know you better; explaining mortal affairs to us is one of my-." I glance at him. "Our jobs. Do you want a formal investiture ceremony, for your new station?"
"For myself? No. I will leave it to Clarissi Dox as to whether I should have one for the Orange Lantern Corps and for N.E.M.O.."
I hope OL also has that honour mark on his ranks. And I'm picturing something like ancient Cuneiform... Patterns of scratch-like marks to represent characters or ideas.I nod. "Sensible. I doubt there'll be anyone in the Corps who won't know by the end of the day anyway. Oh." I tap him on the chest with my right hand, the Clicker characters for 'Enlightened' appearing as part of his rank insignia. "But you will have to take that, I'm afraid."
He looks down. "I shall bear it as best I can."
Let the snuggling begin! Ophidian-chan's gonna get up close and personal, isn't she?We approach the housing of the Central Power Battery and stop, and I reach out towards the Ophidian. Her consciousness feels… Sleepy? As she exists as one with the desires of the entire Corps. But then she feels two of me and suddenly we're the focus of her attention
Xalitan's eyes widen as her fully perceives her, and she stares down at him.
Hmm... Wonder if she'll actually be happy to have another Enlightened one to commune with, or annoyed that her Agent is now less unique.
Sighing, he bows his head.
Missing Full Stop.
It's the Ophidian. More is obviously better.Hmm... Wonder if she'll actually be happy to have another Enlightened one to commune with, or annoyed that her Agent is now less unique.
per -> her
sites -> sights
? could go either way. I think sights is the more common usage but I could be wrong. I wonder if it's a regional thing?
worse -> worst
Thank you, corrected.
It is indeed.
A nice bonus to be sure.And even better, he's not one of the ones who wants to kill me and take my place.