Mr Zoat
Dedicated ragequitter
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- Dec 1, 2016
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Thank you, corrected.
This is not how they usually treat interns. Far too expensive.
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Thank you, corrected.
This is not how they usually treat interns. Far too expensive.
Ah, they're definitely not having this conversation in front of Mitchell. Not that that stops him from listening in, of course, unless they went far enough to set up a white noise generator or something...April 27th, 2013
09:59 EST
"Otis, what the h-?" Miss Teschmacher bites down whatever she was going to say. "What was that?"
"Oh, you don't need to worry-"
"I got chased around by a killer farming robot, I think I-"
Excuse you? What, is Lexcorp Security taking a leaf out of the medical industry?
Yeah, money is not the issue here."You don't need to worry about the billing. They were previous generation missiles we had in inventory. Not good enough for rich countries and not cheap or simple enough for poor ones. They were already written off, so there's no need for internal billing."
"I wasn't worried about the billing, Otis. I was worried about dying!"
No thought to check why they went rogue, or do you know exactly why they did it?"Sure, you were worried about dying. That's natural. But you didn't die. The robots which tried to kill you got destroyed, and we're loading them up for full decommissioning now."
She sighs. "And I'll have to talk to the police…"
Not quite the power they used to be, but what is after the Anti-Life?"Ah, why?"
"For insurance. And because someone took a swing at LexCorp and we don't have the resources we used to so we can't be sure we can find them better than the police can. It's not like we're doing anything illegal here."
Gee, it's like Lexcorp has secret divisions or something..."Ah…"
"Are we?"
"I mean, I don't think so? I do security, not farming law. Do you wanna talk to Legal?"
Yes, let's not leave any ambiguity. You two really don't seem to part of the same conversation here.
Ah, that bad, eh? Not surprising, given recent events."Why aren't we telling the police?"
"Because we know who did it. And you know Mister Luthor says that the insurance companies are held together with paper and rainbows these days."
Oh, joy, more economical mayhem."So we're just not claiming-? We know who did it?"
"Sure. It's not complicated. And yeah, whole classes of assets lost insurance during the Anti-Life thing because there were too many claims to pay out. Most LexCorp stuff isn't financially insured."
It's totally not their style, after all. For one thing, leaguers won't go through agents. If they want to mess with you, they will do it in your face."It can't have been the Justice League. He's Wonder Woman's son."
"Of course it wasn't the Justice League. The medic checked you out, right? You didn't get hit on the head? Concussion can be-."
Never mind minor ear damage from the booms of the rockets..."I didn't get hit on the head."
"Now, you say that, but concussion can interfere with your short term memory, and… I don't want to have to insist, but-."
...Oh, goddammit, Otis..."Fine, I'll get checked out. So who was it?"
"Normal procedure. For recuiting-."
Because of course that's a thing Lexcorp does to closeted metahumans."Who are-? No. Otis, do not tell me you were trying to do a Wounded Gazelle Gambit?"
"Technically, no. It's really more of a heroic honeypot saviour complex thing. The idea is-."
That seems rather predatory, and more than a little creepy."I know what the idea is! It's basically the only reason why Janet in reception still has a job!"
"Right. So, we put the potential recruit who's been keeping their powers quiet somewhere with someone, and they reveal those powers to them in order to keep them safe. Psychologically, it reinforces-."
She's just gobsmacked that you tried it with a League-affiliated young superhuman. Who you aren't even sure is powered."I just said I know what the idea is."
"But you're acting like you don't, so-."
Otis... He has a wholly different base level for his standard of feminine beauty."That plan calls for using an attractive woman close to the target's age. He lives with Wonder Woman, and a island full of Amazons."
"Heh, yeah. I don't see the problem."
That's because when it happens, most teenage guys stop thinking with the head on their shoulders."Ah-. O-kay… Thank you..?
"Most teenaged guys aren't really that fussy about secondary stuff when it comes to short term attraction. A positive response from an attractive woman as more or less the same effect, regardless of relative attractiveness."
Wrong kind of cut, Otis.
...Wait, 'again'?"With the robot's circular saw. He was bleeding. Did we power the robots with kryptonite again? Because from a farming point of view, that's a really problematic independent variable."
"No? There shouldn't be anything here powerful enough to hurt him."
So is it just Lexcorp policy that Superman doesn't get talked about as 'Superman'?"Something was."
"Uh… We never.. did find out how the Alien stabilised his brain. I suppose they… Might have induced some sort of extra weakness, based on Project K-R's physiology."
Yes, now you see the issue? You're honestly lucky Mitchell is easy-going enough to consider rampaging farming robots as 'just another day'."Are you kidding me right now? Those robots aren't cheap, Otis! We didn't check if he even has powers?!"
"… Huh."
I'm sure you'll look good in the coffin Lex buries you in when you fuck up this badly."What exactly was the plan if I got cut in half? What was the plan if he got cut in half?"
"I've got a funeral suit."
Well, that explains the quick response time, at least."That's it?! So the robots attacked us, and if he couldn't fight them off or just decided that I wasn't worth losing his secret identity over, we died?!"
"No, of course not. I was on overwatch, and Enginehead could take control at any point. I just couldn't come close in case he heard the rotor blades."
Missing the point again, Otis."At any point?"
"Well, okay, there'd be a slight delay; the system isn't really designed for that sort of control. But-"
...Huh, remarkably astute of him."Geee-zus!"
"-I don't think that would have happened. Did you actually see the cut?"
Ah, of course. I assume that's what's in the fake blood capsules Mitchell has. Or at least a more advanced form of it."W-? Ye-. No, not the actual cut, but I saw blood!"
"The Alien has used jam, ketchup and red ink mixed with P.V.A. to fake wounds before. You shouldn't assume he got hurt unless you say it with your own eyes."
Neatly summed up, really. And it was a good showing for him, if you didn't take that tack."So you think..? He was always safe, and the only reason it looked like we were in danger is that he doesn't want to use powers in front of me?"
"Yeh."
Good grief. Otis really grabbed the wrong end of the stick, didn't he?"Are you sure Lex signed off on this?"
"I was right there when he said it. Normal procedure."
Assuming Mitchell doesn't just claim 'divine blessing' or something like that. I mean, how public is Superboy's blessing from Helios?"We can't do the same thing again. He might call on his friends and family to investigate."
"That's a good point. Hm. I'll need to review the tapes and see if he was using his powers just a little. If we can spot that, you could talk to him about that in 'confidence'."
Counting from the time he was 'completed' in production, or from the time he was decanted? Either way, quite the surprise for her."As long as you don't expect me to actually honeypot him."
"He's three years old, Eve. I don't think-."
"He's three!?"
Probably not the best attitude to take, Mitchell. Bad idea to get into that headspace, especially if the next time is real.I give my head a small shake, returning my hearing to focusing on my immediate environment: the sky way above the farm complex, high enough that I can't be seen from the ground. It's a.. shame, but… I guess compared to some things LexCorp's done it's not that bad. I'll just have to keep in mind that next time they try, it's a fake.
Miss T is a bit panicked and irrational right now, and Otis is not exactly the sharpest crayon in the box. Or possibly neurodivergent. Or both.If they know he's a Kryptonian how did they not realise Mitchell would hear them?
What about it? They first send a guy then a girlMiss T is a bit panicked and irrational right now, and Otis is not exactly the sharpest crayon in the box. Or possibly neurodivergent. Or both.
What I want to know is, do they have an equivalent procedure for suspected female heroes? And what if the suspected hero isn't straight?
She is aware of Metallo.
They assume that he went home. Kryptonians can't hear everything anywhere.If they know he's a Kryptonian how did they not realise Mitchell would hear them?
Hah. Reminds me of a story about a British diplomat in the Middle East during the Cold War. He was at a bar when he was approached by an improbably attractive young woman. He thinks 'yeah, right' and politely tells her to sling her hook. That happens a couple more times and he does the same thing each time.Miss T is a bit panicked and irrational right now, and Otis is not exactly the sharpest crayon in the box. Or possibly neurodivergent. Or both.
What I want to know is, do they have an equivalent procedure for suspected female heroes? And what if the suspected hero isn't straight?
EDIT: also I was wondering if someone would have this exact misunderstanding when Lex said "give him the usual".
Admittedly, it'd be really funny if they tried that and he filed a complaint for sexual harassment in the workplace.I'm a little concerned what would happen if it turns out that they double down and think "he's naive and hormonal, we just need to honeypot him harder."
I mean, he's WW's son and "The Alien's" Clone, he would have access to some prime data if they could turn him.
Something something stranger danger something something M'Gann is not a role model?