With This Ring (Young Justice SI) (Thread Fourteen)

[Chaoswind]

Mr Zoat, have you considered using Grammarly or any other such service to help you check your spellings and such? I've found it's great help if you don't want a dedicated beta reader.

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They have a fairly un friendly terms of service and get first dips on whatever your write into their servers, so if you write a book using their help and then publish it they have an argument to demand a percentage of the royalties.

So from my side I rather use something else.

 

[Mr Zoat]

Even 'reformed' Grayven is still trolling ponies. I know he knows that someone will try this and hurt themselves.

...Actually, is he trying to put the idea that anyone could potentially become a Alicorn into the public subconscious?

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Oh, don't worry. Equestria's chemical industry is nothing like advanced enough to synthesise steroids.

Ladies and gentlemen. Is Stalwart Spear in the audience?

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Thank you, corrected.

Does it count as reckless endangerment when the girls basically went into a training field without warning anyone?

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Yes. If she'd just been flying fast you'd have a point, but Lightning Dust and Rainbow Dash deliberately created very dangerous weather. It would have been reckless endangerment even if the Bearers hadn't been there, for much the same reason that throwing bombs at soldiers on parade is generally frowned upon.

Also, you keep applying Earth Laws to Equestria, for some reason, even though it's a differnt world, even though Grayven has been to actual different planets already that have many diffent legal systems.

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While there will be differences between Equestrian law and the laws of any country on Earth, there are types of things that have to be illegal if you want your civilisation to function.

Corrections:
"You attacked with a spear.
"Would any of you have knelt to her as your new sovereign?"

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Thank you, corrected.

Then they'd have wards inscribed on them. As far as I know the only aggressive species left on Equestria, other than the dragons who only seem interested in volcanic areas and thus aren't competition, are Griffons and Changelings, both of whom fly and attack by dive-bombing.

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And timberwolves and craigodiles and hydras and chimeras...

 

[WereDragon]

Lightning Dust stares at me through the bars of her cell.

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Not sure if that is a bigger AU departure than the Mirror Pool but it is certainly close.

There's no mention of her suffering any punishment for nearly killing the Bearers other than being kicked out of Wonderbolt training. In my version, yes, reckless endangerment is a criminal offence and she was arrested for it.

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Twilight, Dash, Fluttershy and Pinkie are all guilty of reckless endangerment. Rarity only gets a pass because she tends to be under some degree of mind control during her destructive escapades.
Derpy (or whichever of her names you are using) is guilty of reckless endangerment, outright assault or both.

Although it does bode well for Starlight Glimmer not getting off scot-free for timeline derailment and associated omnicide.

 

[Darko]

Hey Zoat do the Amazons like and respect Alan so much because they saw how he loved and tried to help his wife when she was in prison?

Will Wonder Woman be romantically involved with someone anytime in your story?

 

[Ace Dreamer]

Corrections:
"You attacked with a spear.
"Would any of you have knelt to her as your new sovereign?"

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I read your comments on the story with interest, and I almost always agree with the corrections you offer. However, these two are arguable, as 'with spear' is description of a technique, and the second is a reasonable contraction, or possibly a bit archaic.

---

They have a fairly un friendly terms of service and get first dips on whatever your write into their servers, so if you write a book using their help and then publish it they have an argument to demand a percentage of the royalties.

So from my side I rather use something else.

Click to shrink...

I plan to look at Language Tool at some point - which is open source, free, and user extensible. Not having used it, yet, I can't compare it to Grammarly, but when I've considered using Grammarly I've not liked their ToS.

In general, I've been looking at the news of energy use by Cloud services (their data centres; is it 2% of the world's energy use, possibly rising to 8% by 2030?) and I'm wondering if there will be a general political move to slap a carbon tax on them. I'm not saying this is either a good or bad idea, it is one thing making me look at concern with any product based on the idea that use of the Cloud is practically free. In particular, making sure your data has at least one copy on media you control/own - half-a-terabyte of HD is about 50 USD, these days...

 

[Orabilis]

Is there a good reason Grayven doesn't ask the assembled guards what the purpose of their armour is? It seems like it costs him nothing as it either lets him roast them for poor design or understand why their design changed over time. To not do so seems foolish and whilst being an ass has always been Grayven's thing, being a fool is something I don't think you intend.

If he simply looks at the state of a civilisation's technology and assumes that they are wrong and stupid without this being brought up again then that is unsatifying on a worldbuilding level. If he is the one in the wrong then he is making obviously foolish decisions because he is unwilling to talk to people, which is the opposite characterisation of SI and they do still share the majority of their life experience.

In the larger scale of worldbuilding we are heading towards a weird schism where the police prosecute reckless endangerment and child services exist across the country but the military no longer effectively works (due to a lack of training, and appropriate equipment) despite there being hostile deities (Discord and Tirek) and ultra-cheating hostile civilisations (Changelings), nobody investigates the mirror pool or any potential crimes commited by the Mane 6, though other ponies associated with in this case Rainbow Dash do actually go to prison. Does Equestria have a separate division of police or military to deal with monsters specifically? Or is only Ponyville close enough to a large source of monsters for a "Monster Hunter Division" to be worthwhile? If so does Ponyville have a monster hunter or two?

All this points towards a hypocritical or demented Celestia whom I want to see appear ASAP to actually judge her mental state, Sunset has been talking shit about her for what seems like years, is she right?

My preferred reasoning as to why Equestria behaved the way it did in universe (from a Doyleist perspective its obviously a show for young girls) was that horses are dumber than humans and ponies are still noticably stupider than humans as a species, but in a funny way so that its more about magic hijinks than massive governmental failures leading to starvation.

Also you unfortunately undercut your own emotional climax and song by having an entirely separate story the chapter directly before. Which is a shame.

 

[Mr Zoat]

Hey Zoat do the Amazons like and respect Alan so much because they saw how he loved and tried to help his wife when she was in prison?

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Among other things.

Will Wonder Woman be romantically involved with someone anytime in your story?

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Probably.

Is there a good reason Grayven doesn't ask the assembled guards what the purpose of their armour is? It seems like it costs him nothing as it either lets him roast them for poor design or understand why their design changed over time. To not do so seems foolish and whilst being an ass has always been Grayven's thing, being a fool is something I don't think you intend.

If he simply looks at the state of a civilisation's technology and assumes that they are wrong and stupid without this being brought up again then that is unsatifying on a worldbuilding level. If he is the one in the wrong then he is making obviously foolish decisions because he is unwilling to talk to people, which is the opposite characterisation of SI and they do still share the majority of their life experience.

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The Renegade isn't going to look at armour design until he's got some idea of what the soldiers can do when properly trained and what the army's doctrine is going to be. He certainly doesn't want to stand in front of a crowd and openly not know something.

 

[Orabilis]

The Renegade isn't going to look at armour design until he's got some idea of what the soldiers can do when properly trained and what teh army's doctrine is going to be. He certainly doesn't want to stand in front of a crowd and openly not know something.

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Ah so the first ~500 words of the update served what purpose then? Also I appreciate that politicians should care about what the public thinks of them but I didn't realise that Grayven was so insecure in his position as a foreign dignitary and expert at warfare that he is afraid to ask questions.

 

[Mr Zoat]

Ah so the first ~500 words of the update served what purpose then?

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It demonstrates what the ponies consider to be modern military equipment, what they can make, and that Grayven is trying to understand rather than immediately deciding that it's as useless as it looks.

Also I appreciate that politicians should care about what the public thinks of them but I didn't realise that Grayven was so insecure in his position as a foreign dignitary and expert at warfare that he is afraid to ask questions.

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His authority is purely derived from Luna's approval. These ponies have no idea who he is or what he can do. And he needs them to accept him as credible in order to make them useful.

 

[rdfox]

My guess on the armor issue is that Grayven is failing to recognize the difference between ceremonial/backup armor and full combat armor. One thing about full plate and other full-coverage armors is that it is heavy. While it offers excellent protection, yes, it also is not something you can exactly wear all day every day, and even though it's more mobile and less limiting than many people think (I've seen people dance in full plate before), it's still very tiring to wear for extended periods, and attempting to run long distances in it is basically a recipe for keeling over from exhaustion. (Note that full barding for warhorses did exist, historically, but it had the disadvantage of being so heavy as to all but eliminate the horse's burst speed advantage and greatly limit the weight of the rider and his armor that it could carry.)

There are solutions to this; in the pre-firearms period, lighter armors were very common. For example, you might have what D&D called "field plate," which was basically the torso and helm of a suit of plate armor matched with mail ("chain mail") sleeves and legs, providing the same protection to the vitals as full plate armor, but being lighter and more flexible on the extremities; mail was likewise often limited to just a mail shirt, helm, and briefs, with leather protecting the limbs, to save weight in what was, at the time, a medium armor. Likewise, horse barding was generally quickly changed to half-barding, where it offered full protection from the most likely direction of attack and little to no protection from other directions, which is why cavalry tactics quickly became ones of hit-and-run slashing attacks rather than just wading in and hacking away; this is a very similar concept to how tanks are armored today (proving that even with armored vehicles, the weight of full armor is still a big problem). Full armor suits were either for the extremely high-value combatants who needed the most protection they could get, for those in static defensive positions who were backed up by missileers who could expect to not have to fight a protracted battle, and for ceremonial duties (where often the armor was of lighter construction as it wasn't intended as actual functional armor, just to be impressive). Partial/mixed armor also had the advantage of being vastly less expensive than full plate; not only did it require less material and less skill by the armorer to produce, but plate armor requires custom-fitting to the wearer to be effective without excessively restricting movement or causing fatigue, whereas mail and other "softer" armors could basically be made in bulk to standard-ish sizes and you just get the one that fits you about right. (Mass production == lower production cost, after all.)

Even today, you still see the use of lighter partial armors that only protect the vitals and only from the most likely directions of attack; look at how the "low-profile" (i.e., worn under the uniform) body armor worn by almost all police officers in the US while on duty protects pretty much only the torso, and has very little protection on the sides of the torso, where the arms can provide some protection to the vitals. Compare this to the much heavier armors worn by SWAT teams and infantrymen in the field, which offer significantly better protection, at the cost of being something that can't be worn continuously for a full duty day (and also is bulky enough to make you look like an American football player).

I suspect that the Guards' armor is largely a form of ceremonial (looks impressive but offers limited protection) duty armor (which can be worn for extended periods comfortably and without being unduly tiring, and which trades off protection for offering less limitation on mobility) that is basically a uniform akin to those that the Queen's Guard and the Swiss Guard wear while on public duty. Most likely, they have some proper armor stored away in case there's a major conflict that would require an operational army... but even that is probably less fully protective than Grayven would like, purely for weight and mobility reasons, for the same reasons that full plate armor's use was so limited historically.

I think I understand the purpose of Celestia's guards.

Once, high ranking dignitaries visited a castle on the border with a demonic realm, with a single guard posted facing that border. The visiting dignitaries felt this was funny enough to warrant a wager. Each would place three guards at one of the castle's other walls, and they would see who's guards struck the mightiest blow against an attacking demon during their visit. The lone guard warned that the others wouldn't be fast enough, but his words were laughed off and ignored. That evening, there was a blood-curdling scream that awoke the castle, and the demon that came upon the chambers of the dignitaries was intercepted and struck down by their host's champion. When the dignitaries went outside to see how their guard had fared, they discovered that all ten had been brutally slaughtered. One of the dignitaries argued that there was no winner, and that their host's guard had performed his duty no better than those they'd posted. The champion countered this assertion, explaining that the guard's job was to scream.

Cookie for whoever recognizes the franchise.

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Don't recognize the franchise, but even today, it's repeatedly drilled into the heads of soldiers (of all ranks) in training that the most dangerous weapon on the battlefield is a radio, because one man carrying no weapons but carrying a radio can call in support from people who have weapons that can defeat any foe they encounter. A sentry's primary job is never to actually stop the bad guys, it's to raise the alarm so that the rest of the guard force can assemble and stop them. (This is why I worried like mad when my brother was deployed to Afghanistan a year after joining the Army; while he was in the divisional band and thus stayed at Bagram Air Base, he spent most of his days pulling night guard duty on the perimeter fence. He tried to reassure me that if he ever even saw a hostile combatant, a whole lot of people with a whole lot of brass on their shoulders in the Pentagon would have had to have made a whole lot of mistakes over a period of months leading up to it, but I still worried; he was basically acting as the perimeter tripwire and his rifle and body armor would make him, at best, a speedbump for any determined attacker.)

 

[Steelplaza]

As to whether Lightning Dust would be in prison, I would think the pony justice system is slanted to avoid prison as the default punishment. They probably prefer some sort of restorative justice / community service type sentences when possible, or at the most retributive more along the lines of public shaming. Especially for crimes where in the end there was no permanent damage done.

 

[Siskulous]

Mr Zoat, have you considered using Grammarly or any other such service to help you check your spellings and such? I've found it's great help if you don't want a dedicated beta reader.

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Grammarly is great for professional/semi-professional correspondence and informative writing, but it rather gets in the way for creative writing. Not terribly long ago there was a news story that made a big deal of the fact that George RR Martin uses a program that's feature equivalent to Notepad (I forget the exact program) for his writing. The comments section was full of amateur writers and a few low-tier professional writers talking about how they prefer not to have spellcheck and such when writing stories.

 

[Pinklestia]

Mr Zoat, have you considered using Grammarly or any other such service to help you check your spellings and such? I've found it's great help if you don't want a dedicated beta reader.

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Grammar checking is the readers job. He wouldn't able to post every day otherwise.

 

[rkyeun]

Mr Zoat
I wonder if this version of Equestria has Seaponies or Mermares. 5 races inctead of 3?

 

[Coda]

reasonable quantity

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Are you sure you meant quantity here? Given the subsequent comment about metallurgy I would have expected it to be "quality".

On the areas it covers.

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I was going to comment on this, but it's already been covered.

No reason to, as they say, beat a dead horse.

I want to see more Grayven drilling guards ponies please.

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Oh my.

Maxx, are you sure you don't want to read this?

Mr Zoat, have you considered using Grammarly or any other such service to help you check your spellings and such? I've found it's great help if you don't want a dedicated beta reader.

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I actively dislike Grammarly. It's surprisingly slow and I end up ignoring its suggestions most of the time anyway because I'm a trained technical writer and I know what I'm doing -- and that's for formal writing, where Grammarly is supposed to be most appropriate. Works of fiction, especially dialogue, and especially for intentionally idiosyncratic writers, will result in a flood of useless "suggestions."

They have a fairly un friendly terms of service and get first dips on whatever your write into their servers, so if you write a book using their help and then publish it they have an argument to demand a percentage of the royalties.

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That's an armchair lawyer's misinterpretation of the terms. It isn't anywhere close to being that bad.

Even in the worst case scenario of the maximally pessimistic reading, it wouldn't work that way, at least in the US (where Grammarly is headquartered). The way US copyright works wouldn't grant Grammarly the full suite of copyright privileges, and even if the terms were written in such a way that it might potentially do so (and they're not) then it would get struck down in court for a variety of reasons, not least of which is that there was no consideration (something of value has to change hands in both directions for a contract to be valid) and that it's a contract of adhesion (standard contract with no negotiation, take-it-or-leave-it) so it's limited on what it can actually demand.

In actual fact, Grammarly's terms of service only grant Grammarly the minimum necessary set of rights to carry out the task you ask them to do. They're permitted to make copies of what you write without any compensation because otherwise they wouldn't even be able to analyze the text to evaluate it. That right does not extend to distributing those copies to third parties except, again, as is necessary to do what you've contracted them to do. This is explicitly spelled out in the terms, so it doesn't even require bringing the law into it to try to restrict an overly-broad grant of permissions.

in all seriousness, looking at Grammarly's ToS, it's way better than the terms I've seen on a lot of other services -- for example, at one point deviantArt's terms were written in such a way that they could put a border around your artwork, slap a dA logo on it, and sell it for profit without paying you a penny. This would never have been enforceable in court, and they never actually DID that, but that kind of thing is exactly why there's plenty of legal precedent for what contracts like that are actually capable of doing (and why they always include a clause that says that if any part is ruled unenforceable the rest of it is still valid -- this means that it's in their interests to use broad language to protect them from being sued over stuff that actually IS reasonable for them to do).

Edit: It should be noted that the above thing is actually exactly what dA does -- they put a border around your artwork (that is, the rest of the deviantArt website), they put a dA watermark on it (to try to keep other people from trying to copy it without attribution), and they make a profit off of selling memberships to a site where they're distributing your artwork... because distributing your artwork is precisely what you asked them to do on your behalf. Given that they have to be able to do those things or they wouldn't be able to carry out their side of the service agreement, then of course their terms of service have to be written to permit that. This is why a layman shouldn't jump to the worst-case scenario when reading the terms of service.

 

[Mr Zoat]

My guess on the armor issue is that Grayven is failing to recognize the difference between ceremonial/backup armor and full combat armor. One thing about full plate and other full-coverage armors is that it is heavy. While it offers excellent protection, yes, it also is not something you can exactly wear all day every day, and even though it's more mobile and less limiting than many people think (I've seen people dance in full plate before), it's still very tiring to wear for extended periods, and attempting to run long distances in it is basically a recipe for keeling over from exhaustion. (Note that full barding for warhorses did exist, historically, but it had the disadvantage of being so heavy as to all but eliminate the horse's burst speed advantage and greatly limit the weight of the rider and his armor that it could carry.)

There are solutions to this; in the pre-firearms period, lighter armors were very common. For example, you might have what D&D called "field plate," which was basically the torso and helm of a suit of plate armor matched with mail ("chain mail") sleeves and legs, providing the same protection to the vitals as full plate armor, but being lighter and more flexible on the extremities; mail was likewise often limited to just a mail shirt, helm, and briefs, with leather protecting the limbs, to save weight in what was, at the time, a medium armor. Likewise, horse barding was generally quickly changed to half-barding, where it offered full protection from the most likely direction of attack and little to no protection from other directions, which is why cavalry tactics quickly became ones of hit-and-run slashing attacks rather than just wading in and hacking away; this is a very similar concept to how tanks are armored today (proving that even with armored vehicles, the weight of full armor is still a big problem). Full armor suits were either for the extremely high-value combatants who needed the most protection they could get, for those in static defensive positions who were backed up by missileers who could expect to not have to fight a protracted battle, and for ceremonial duties (where often the armor was of lighter construction as it wasn't intended as actual functional armor, just to be impressive). Partial/mixed armor also had the advantage of being vastly less expensive than full plate; not only did it require less material and less skill by the armorer to produce, but plate armor requires custom-fitting to the wearer to be effective without excessively restricting movement or causing fatigue, whereas mail and other "softer" armors could basically be made in bulk to standard-ish sizes and you just get the one that fits you about right. (Mass production == lower production cost, after all.)

Even today, you still see the use of lighter partial armors that only protect the vitals and only from the most likely directions of attack; look at how the "low-profile" (i.e., worn under the uniform) body armor worn by almost all police officers in the US while on duty protects pretty much only the torso, and has very little protection on the sides of the torso, where the arms can provide some protection to the vitals. Compare this to the much heavier armors worn by SWAT teams and infantrymen in the field, which offer significantly better protection, at the cost of being something that can't be worn continuously for a full duty day (and also is bulky enough to make you look like an American football player).

I suspect that the Guards' armor is largely a form of ceremonial (looks impressive but offers limited protection) duty armor (which can be worn for extended periods comfortably and without being unduly tiring, and which trades off protection for offering less limitation on mobility) that is basically a uniform akin to those that the Queen's Guard and the Swiss Guard wear while on public duty. Most likely, they have some proper armor stored away in case there's a major conflict that would require an operational army... but even that is probably less fully protective than Grayven would like, purely for weight and mobility reasons, for the same reasons that full plate armor's use was so limited historically.

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While logical, I'm afraid that it's canonically wrong. If you review the episode where Starlight altered time and the Equestrian army had to fight Sombra in a conventional war, they wore exactly the same stuff.

Sombra's soldiers were better protected.

Sombra himself didn't even bother protecting his back

The combat version of the Wonderbolt uniform is the minimal sort, and looks modernish.

As does the sapper version.

But the regular army are still in their golden armour.

 

[FreeGod]

Sombra himself didn't even bother protecting his back

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His cape could be enchanted.

 

[Mr Zoat]

Are you sure you meant quantity here? Given the subsequent comment about metallurgy I would have expected it to be "quality".

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Thank you, corrected.

His cape could be enchanted.

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Watch how the ponies in that episode fight. They either rear up and strike with their forehooves, or they charge and ram. Both are things they usually do face to face. As such, a thick cloak is probably okay to absorb blunt impacts while the heavy front armour is covering the most exposed parts.

 

[Coda]

Sombra's army gear and Celestia's army gear look approximately equal in protective value. The gorgets and fully enclosed helmets on Sombra's side are a trade-off, not a direct advantage.

The difference in helmets doesn't make a huge difference on the battlefield -- the more enclosed helmets do provide better protection but they also seriously restrict visibility and make it harder to breathe. The loss of raw defensive value can be overcome by reach weaponry (as they have) and/or superior skill.

Gorgets are even worse for restrictiveness. In historical practice they were generally considered to be dueling equipment, because not being able to turn your head on a battlefield is an absolutely terrible idea. Mail was far, far more common for covering the gap between helmet and breastplate.

Grayven was absolutely right to call out the lack of gambeson under the peytral, though. Even just a dozen layers of quilted linen provides remarkably good defense, even against arrows. Having that extend up as a collar under the jaw would put Celestia's armor on top.

The fact that the Wonderbolt armor has plates covering the chest does suggest that Zoat's descriptions could be wrong about battlefield-grade pegasus armor. It wouldn't be nearly so important for unicorns and earth ponies.

 

[Ciber]

I think that the best policy is to start with the assumption that everyone is competent. It would please me greatly if the first couple things Grayven suggests get shot down by providing him more information.

 

[Mr Zoat]

Klugetown
Lunch time

And now, somepony who knows how unicorn ponies fight.

There are dive bars, where the customers go to drink as cheaply as possible. Nothing much for me there. A few ponies make Klugetown their home, but in a town where most people have hands ponies occupy fairly specialist occupations. They could probably handle themselves in a moderately threatening urban environment, but unless Luna wants soldiers who know how to do counterinsurgency work in occupied cities their skills aren't much use to me.

There are union bars, where people in distinct jobs go to drink with people who aren't part of a rival gang or company. Nothing much for me there. Probably pretty useful if I wanted to learn about stevedoring or construction or tanning, but that's not what I'm looking for. Maybe I can mention it to Luna if Equestria wants to get seriously involved in the export business. Newly industrialised powers can do that rather nicely in a mostly pre-industrial world.

Mercenaries were a little further uptown. There isn't… Exactly a wall between the slums and the middle class-ish districts, but there are security patrols. A group of armoured porcines in my case. All they required from me was a small payment, in exchange for which they gave me a small traveller's medallion. A report will probably go up their chain of command at the end of their shift, but a single large traveller isn't that remarkable.

Took a while to find a pony who could do what I want. Due to the nature of Equestrian society and the focused nature of special talents, ponies don't often reach the upper echelons of the mercenary business. Ponies who in more warlike societies might become battlemages or chargers instead become pyrotechnics experts or… Well, guardsponies. But one or two…

I sit down in front of the bar, next to my recruitment target. She looks me over for a moment, then makes a show of ignoring me.

"Might I buy you a drink, Commander Tempest Shadow?"

"No. You're not my type."

"That… Wasn't how I meant it. I have an offer of employment, and I understand that you're between patrons."

"I was." Rats. "But I'm considering an offer from the Storm King."

"Are you allowed to discuss the details? I'm perfectly happy to bid against him."

She rolls her eyes. "I doubt you can match the offer."

"You'd be surprised."

"It's payment up front. I don't sign up to treasure hunts for a share."

"Oh, no. I wish to retain your services to upskill a garrison. The soldiers are well-motivated, but… Green. The risks in the short term are minimal."

"Duration?"

"I'll guarantee two years. Whether it gets extended depends on how things go."

"Hnnn… Pay?"

"Equivalent to a Captain in the Equestrian Royal Guard. Bonus if you actually have to lead troops into combat, because as I said this is intended as a training role."

"Training's… Not really my style."

"You might enjoy this. A young thaumaturgist in my employ has recently developed a new generation of arcane weapons. But there's no doctrine for using them yet. You wouldn't just be training them to be non-incompetent, you'd be redefining the way warfare works."

"Could I bring along a training cadre on the same conditions?"

"Not the same conditions; I'm not paying the grunts what I pay the commander. But otherwise, sure. Two years, training, bonuses if sent into combat."

She turns slightly towards me, eyes slightly narrowed as she stares into my voluminous hood.

"What about medical?"

"Yes, I will see to it that the sick and injured are treated at no cost to themselves. The two years is guaranteed even if you're crippled; it's your brain I want after all. I'll even offer to pay the balance to your next of kin if you're killed if you-."

Her stare hardens. "That won't be necessary."

"As you wish."

She watches me for a moment, then relaxes slightly.

"There is one other issue. The Storm King has… Offered to help me with a particular.. personal problem."

"Could you narrow it down a little? I'm not trying to deceive you, but I can't tell you if I can match his bid if I don't know what I'm supposed to be bidding."

"My horn."

I take a moment to look at her horn, or what's left of it. It's snapped off about a third of the way up its length, cracks still visible to the naked eye on the jagged stump that's left. Pale blue sparks crackle sporadically from the broken end.

Scan.

By your command.

So I know the physical structure of unicorn horns. I should be able to fix those cracks without much difficulty, because I can deduce the structure of the material from the surrounding damaged parts. But the rest of the horn… I could guess. An educated guess based on the structure of other unicorn horns I've scanned… And given that those scans included Twilight Sparkle, Sunset Shimmer and Luna, Tempest Shadow might end up getting a power boost… Or she might end up with a head that's exploding because horns have to be just so and trying to use it caused critical feedback damage.

"I'm not an expert on equine medicine, but I can get hold of people who are. Failing that, I can have people look into ways to bypass the problem."

"Bypass a broken horn?"

"Some sort of functional prosthetic? Thaumoconductive crystal? I don't know; I hire people with that sort of specialist knowledge. I just read the summaries."

"The Storm King says he can fix it."

"Is he an expert on equine medicine?"

"I doubt it. But he's powerful."

"Power is nothing without application. If he can't do it himself, then the best he can do is call upon the same experts that I can. And I can do that. But if you want a down payment..?"

She thinks for a moment, then nods cautiously.

Alright, crack-mending it is. "You might experience a moment of disorientation and pain. Try to keep your horn activity to a minimum."

She goes completely still and my eyes light up under my hood. Ah yes, she wants this rather badly, doesn't she? Beams of orange light shoot from my eyes and pass over each of the cracks, reconnecting damaged segments. She twitches very slightly when I replace a chip, but is otherwise completely stoic.

Hm. And done. I blink as the beams cut out, and she turns to look into the mirror behind the bar. It takes her a moment to spot the difference and she hides her excitement quickly… But I spotted it. She tries channelling a little power through it, and while it's still sparkly she does manage a normal -if weak- aura for a moment.

"So? You onboard?"

She cuts off her glow and nods. "Yes sir. Where are we bound?"

"Equestria, naturally."

She frowns. "Eques-? Who are you?"

Well, I've found my mare and I'll be leaving shortly. I don't need to hide any longer. I take a step back from the bar and subspace my cloak, making sure to open my wings slightly as I do so. The barroom behind me goes silent and Tempest's eyes widen very slightly.

Then she snaps out of it. "Yes sir. My men and I will be ready to move within the hour."

"Good show. I'll arrange transportation. Assemble outside as soon as you're ready."

 

[gustyeagle]

Klugetown
Lunch time

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no red text?

 

[Idkusername]

Klugetown
Lunch time

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They're missing the Renegade red.
Edit: ninja'd

And now Gryaven's recruiting his staff from shady henchmen bars as well. How the mighty have fallen. What happened to being genre-savvy, I ask?

 

[Mr Zoat]

no red text?

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Thank you, corrected.

 

[King of Frost]

I still haven't watched the movie but I know the story behind Shadow Tempest enough that I know this is going to be amazing.

Now if you bring in the furry anthro cat guy I'll be completely lost.

 

[Mr Zoat]

I still haven't watched the movie but I know the story behind Shadow Tempest enough that I know this is going to be amazing.

Now if you bring in the furry anthro cat guy I'll be completely lost.

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I have no plans to bring in anthro cat guy.

Furry anthro cat girl on the other hand...

 

[Darko]

Can't wait to see if he fights the Storm King and shows him what a REAL conqueror is, like he showed the Citadelians.

Zoat the catgirl really?
After Cheetah you just don't stop do you, you sick little furry you?

 

[Chojin Patriarch]

Klugetown
Lunch time

And now, somepony who knows how unicorn ponies fight.

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Ah, building a reliable cadre of combat trainers. That's one way to avoid having to stick around the whole time.

Spoiler: Commentary spoilered for length

There are dive bars, where the customers go to drink as cheaply as possible. Nothing much for me there. A few ponies make Klugetown their home, but in a town where most people have hands ponies occupy fairly specialist occupations. They could probably handle themselves in a moderately threatening urban environment, but unless Luna wants soldiers who know how to do counterinsurgency work in occupied cities their skills aren't much use to me.

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Unless she wants to become Equestria's Spymaster...

There are union bars, where people in distinct jobs go to drink with people who aren't part of a rival gang or company. Nothing much for me there. Probably pretty useful if I wanted to learn about stevedoring or construction or tanning, but that's not what I'm looking for. Maybe I can mention it to Luna if Equestria wants to get seriously involved in the export business. Newly industrialised powers can do that rather nicely in a mostly pre-industrial world.

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I expect some Equestrian goods are in high demand...

Mercenaries were a little further uptown. There isn't… Exactly a wall between the slums and the middle class-ish districts, but there are security patrols. A group of armoured porcines in my case. All they required from me was a small payment, in exchange for which they gave me a small traveller's medallion. A report will probably go up their chain of command at the end of their shift, but a single large traveller isn't that remarkable.

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Porcines as in Warthogs, or Porcine as in Orcs? That's a valid question in this world... Either way, that would be an ugly surprise...

Took a while to find a pony who could do what I want. Due to the nature of Equestria society and the focused nature of special talents, ponies don't often reach the upper echelons of the mercenary business. Ponies who in more warlike societies might become battlemages or chargers instead become pyrotechnics experts or… Well, guardsponies. But one or two…

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Joy of a thousand years of peace. No drive to join a military, even if there's one to join. And given that Equestria's military seems to consist of the Royal Guard and the Wonderbolts, well...

I sit down in front of the bar, next to my recruitment target. She looks me over for a moment, then makes a show of ignoring me.

"Might I buy you a drink, Commander Shadow Tempest?"

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Yeah, that will head of quite a few problems down the line. And he doesn't even know it..

"No. You're not my type."

"That… Wasn't how I meant it. I have an offer of employment, and I understand that you're between patrons."

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Heh, not the best choice of words there, Grayven...

"I was." Rats. "But I'm considering an offer from the Storm King."

"Are you allowed to discuss the details? I'm perfectly happy to bid against him."

She rolls her eyes. "I doubt you can match the offer."

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With the weight of Equestria's treasury behind him (subject to Luna's approval...), I rather think he can...

"You'd be surprised."

"It's payment up front. I don't sign up to treasure hunts for a share."

"Oh, no. I wish to retain your services to upskill a garrison. The soldiers are well-motivated, but… Green. The risks in the short term are minimal."

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Of course, she'll be dealing with ponies somewhat set in their ways... Might have to buck a few tails...

"Duration?"

"I'll guarantee two years. Whether it gets extended depends on how things go."

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I do hope he checked with Luna beforehand...

"Hnnn… Pay?"

"Equivalent to a Captain in the Equestrian Royal Guard. Bonus if you actually have to lead troops into combat, because as I said this is intended as a training role."

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Danger pay, yay. Not that that's a big risk in Equestria.

"Training's… Not really my style."

"You might enjoy this. A young thaumaturgist in my employ has recently developed a new generation of arcane weapons. But there's no doctrine for using them yet. You wouldn't just be training them to be non-incompetent, you'd be redefining the way warfare works."

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Sunset's been busy, has she? Something she worked on in between study sessions, I suppose.

"Could I bring along a training cadre on the same conditions?"

"Not the same conditions; I'm not paying the grunts what I pay the commander. But otherwise, sure. Two years, training, bonuses if sent into combat."

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Good way to ease any doubts: Throw more money at them.

She turns slightly towards me, eyes slightly narrowed as she stares into my voluminous hood.

"What about medical?"

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Good question.

"Yes, I will see to it that the sick an injured are treated at no cost to themselves. The two years is guaranteed even if you're crippled; it's your brain I want after all. I'll even offer to pay the balance to your next of kin if you're killed if you-."

Her stare hardens. "That won't be necessary."

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Not a happy situation, then.

"As you wish."

She watches me for a moment, then relaxes slightly.

"There is one other issue. The Storm King has… Offered to help me with a particular.. personal problem."

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A quite obvious one, I should think...

"Could you narrow it down a little? I'm not trying to deceive you, but I can't tell you if I can match his bid if I don't know what I'm supposed to be bidding."

"My horn."

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Yeah, a unicorn with broken magic is not going to be too useful...

I take a moment to look at her horn, or what's left of it. It's snapped off about a third of the way up its length, cracks still visible to the naked eye on the jagged stump that's left. Pale blue sparks crackle sporadically from the broken end.

Scan.

By your command.

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Ouch. That's got to be a deep pain...

So I know the physical structure of unicorn horns. I should be able to fix those cracks without much difficulty, because I can deduce the structure of the material from the surrounding damaged parts. But the rest of the horn… I could guess. An educated guess based on the structure of other unicorn horns I've scanned… And given that those scans included Twilight Sparkle, Sunset Shimmer and Luna, Tempest Shadow might end up getting a power boost… Or she might end up with a head that's exploding because horns have to be just so and trying to use it caused critical feedback damage.

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Ah, if only you had a Blue ring, with it's near-autonomous healing...

"I'm not an expert on equine medicine, but I can get hold of people who are. Failing that, I can have people look into ways to bypass the problem."

"Bypass a broken horn?"

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"Let me tell you about a little thing called Cybernetics..."

"Some sort of functional prosthetic? Thaumoconductive crystal? I don't know; I hire people with that sort of specialist knowledge. I just read the summaries."

"The Storm King says he can fix it."

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Pfft. Looking at his wiki page, I don't think he'd do a very good job of it...

"Is he an expert on equine medicine?"

"I doubt it. But he's powerful."

"Power is nothing without application. If he can't do it himself, then the best he can do is call upon the same experts that I can. And I can do that. But if you want a down payment..?"

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Be very careful with this, Grayven. One misstep...

She thinks for a moment, then nods cautiously.

Alright, crack-mending it is. "You might experience a moment of disorientation and pain. Try to keep your horn activity to a minimum."

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"Wait, what? What are you going to do?"

She goes completely still and my eyes light up under my hood Ah yes, she wants this rather badly, doesn't she? Beams of orange light shoot from my eyes and pass over each of the cracks, reconnecting damaged segments. She twitches very slightly when I replace a chip, but is otherwise completely stoic.

Hm. And done. I blink as the beams cut out, and she turns to look into the mirror behind the bar. It takes her a moment to spot the difference and she hides her excitement quickly… But I spotted it. She tries channelling a little power through it, and while it's still sparkly she does manage a normal -if weak- aura for a moment.

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Let's hope things didn't go poorly, and you won't know for sure until she tries something bigger.

"So? You onboard?"

She cuts off her glow and nods. "Yes sir. Where are we bound?"

"Equestria, naturally."

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Oh, that's got to be a surprise...

She frowns. "Eques-? Who are you?"

Well, I've found my mare and I'll be leaving shortly. I don't need to hide any longer. I take a step back from the bar and subspace my cloak, making sure to open my wings slightly as I do so. The barroom behind me goes silent and Tempest's eyes widen very slightly.

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Yeah, having an unknown demi-god come to recruit you must be a surprise.

Then she snaps out of it. "Yes sir. My men and I will be ready to move within the hour."

"Good show. I'll arrange transportation. Assemble outside as soon as you're ready."

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Boom-Tube road trip. I bet they'll be happy about not having to walk all the way.

Well, looks like Grayven's building another power-group on Luna's behalf. And Catrina from G1 as a prospect? A fan of Anon's Pie Adventures, are we?
I bet Celestia is going to be very surprised when she finally drags her big plot home...

 

[Alasnuyo]

I have no plans to bring in anthro cat guy.

Furry anthro cat girl on the other hand...

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Wait, G4 Catrina? Well, colour me interested.

 

[RichardWhereat]

I have no plans to bring in anthro cat guy.

Furry anthro cat girl on the other hand...

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No story couldn't be improved with a bit more pussy.