Commercial Break (Worm / Slut Life) (Borderline SFW)

[Ack]

Oh wow that could have ended so fucking horribly.

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So yeah, apparently Magical Girls are allowed to mind control their potential teammates for shits and giggles with no consequences.

If Taylor ever hears about this ...

... eh, she'll probably just shrug and accept it, because reacting would alter the story as written.

 

[SystemSearcher]

So yeah, apparently Magical Girls are allowed to mind control their potential teammates for shits and giggles with no consequences.

If Taylor ever hears about this ...

... eh, she'll probably just shrug and accept it, because reacting would alter the story as written.

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...how do you even get "allowed" from "You did what?! You are lucky she didn't notice!".

She is literally stated to be slightly unhinged by magical girl standards due to using a Pit, and that this was clearly something she absolutely shouldn't've done.

 

[Ack]

...how do you even get "allowed" from "You did what?! You are lucky she didn't notice!".

She is literally stated to be slightly unhinged by magical girl standards due to using a Pit, and that this was clearly something she absolutely shouldn't've done.

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And yet, it won't be reported and she won't be punished for it.

She gets away with it. Taylor never hears about it. There are no consequences. Or if it does get heard about, it'll be passed off as "Magical girls being magical girls."

For all intents and purposes, she was allowed to do it.

 

[Guardian54]

In canon, when she slept with Brian for the first time, she was irritated that he covered them with darkness because she knew he could see her.
Also, if one society is able to enforce their will to the point of saying "Sign this contract or go to jail", contracts no longer mean anything. They're just cosmetic window-dressing. At this point, everyone not part of the People In Charge are just serfs.

Cindy's got a very one-sided idiot ball. Anything she wants to do to help Taylor, she can't see her way to doing, but she's perfectly okay with using loaded language to condition her to accept the situation.
Apparently she's a lawyer with no idea how to interpret contracts ... or she's just decided not to look at the contract because there's no possible way her lawyerly training could help Taylor get out of the obviously dodgy contract given to Taylor by the obviously dodgy colleague.

For a very weird definition of 'good social experiences'. "Yeah, let's give her a whole heap more of 'useless/manipulative/asshole authority figures' to deal with. Oh, and have her meet her supposed peers who then try to MIND CONTROL her without her permission!"
Sending her home to spend a week in the psych ward (in fact, that would be nullified, now that she KNOWS she has powers, and has no mental problems from controlling bugs) would be FAR preferable to the crap they are piling on her now.

This is Slut Life. Do you really, honestly believe that? Especially with the picture supplied?

Which will irritate me considerably.

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1. I for one resent how stereotyped Brian and his family are.
But Canadian dealing with natives might be compared to American methods and, well, the Treaties were a bit better than cosmetic window-dressing.

2. It is very hard to get someone to understand something, or for them to do same, when their job depends on them not understanding it.

3. More like "get the insanely high-strung (or just plain insane with some of the canon in Worm) girl laid regularly, it should help her learn to relax a bit".
And if the girl is dumb enough to think encountering Thinkers or even certain Strikes (Panacea) won't result in auto-scans... well, best get her an intelligence/wisdom upgrade before she forgets how to breathe.

4. "IN THEORY, THEORY AND REALITY ARE THE SAME"... though yeah, lack of options makes me very annoyed at the "option".

5. Agreed

 

[Kade Lanik]

And yet, it won't be reported and she won't be punished for it.

She gets away with it. Taylor never hears about it. There are no consequences. Or if it does get heard about, it'll be passed off as "Magical girls being magical girls."

For all intents and purposes, she was allowed to do it.

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That's assuming she isn't punished for it offscreen. It's never stated in that part what, if any, repercussions the MG faces for trying it. You're making assumptions based on nothing.

I think the problem some readers are having is that the keep expecting the setting to work in certain ways, instead of taking the setting as what is presented. I keep reading some of the comments and wondering where the hell the poster is getting their interpretation from.

 

[CrimsonFate]

I think it mostly due the fact everyone is from different settings that range to porn logic, friendship, grim dark, super science, and many more that makes it hard for Taylor to adjust to some things everyone takes for granted as normal.

 

[Ack]

3. More like "get the insanely high-strung (or just plain insane with some of the canon in Worm) girl laid regularly, it should help her learn to relax a bit"

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Because I can't think of any way to make a socially inept, traumatised teenager be less likely to be interested in the idea of meeting guys than by making it mandatory that she's going to be having sex with some or all of them. On camera, in front of millions of viewers. FFS, when she was helping Brian put together furniture, he had to remind her to breathe.

And by tricking her into signing the contract in the first place.

If Taylor doesn't end up either bringing down Slut Life altogether, or taking a leadership role and purging about 90% of the shit from the ranks, I'll be significantly disappointed in her.

That's assuming she isn't punished for it offscreen. It's never stated in that part what, if any, repercussions the MG faces for trying it. You're making assumptions based on nothing.

I think the problem some readers are having is that the keep expecting the setting to work in certain ways, instead of taking the setting as what is presented. I keep reading some of the comments and wondering where the hell the poster is getting their interpretation from.

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Because Slut Life is porn logic personified, and Taylor's from the Wormverse, which ... isn't.

The trouble with merging the two of these is that porn logic allows for shocking invasions of personal privacy and agency, all for the sake of porn, whereas Taylor isn't actually accepting of this yet, so every time someone pulls this crap that's supposedly light-hearted fun, or when she gets told "you really have no choice, now let me butter you up by pretending to act in your best interests while really convincing you that this is in your best interests", it just feels majorly creepy.

Seriously, casually mind controlling someone in a porn logic scenario could lead to anything up to and including making her willingly submit to sex. She'd enjoy it, the guy would enjoy it, but there's only one thing it would be.

But that's not the thing that's grating me most about this story.

The thing that's grating me most is how this shit keeps happening to Taylor, and the characters doing it believe they're in the right for doing it, and there's a good 95% chance (from evidence so far) that nobody except the Named Villain (ie, Trichter) is going to suffer any sort of comeuppance.

 

[Guardian54]

Because I can't think of any way to make a socially inept, traumatised teenager be less likely to be interested in the idea of meeting guys than by making it mandatory that she's going to be having sex with some or all of them. On camera, in front of millions of viewers. FFS, when she was helping Brian put together furniture, he had to remind her to breathe.

And by tricking her into signing the contract in the first place.

If Taylor doesn't end up either bringing down Slut Life altogether, or taking a leadership role and purging about 90% of the shit from the ranks, I'll be significantly disappointed in her.

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Agreed. Hence my sarcasm (of the "oooh these are our GOOD REASONS, what could POSSIBLY GO WRONG!!!111!!!" variety)
There is a grave, GRAVE difference between this and, say, Waifu Warz, which also sticks Taylor in Porn Logic.

In Waifu Warz, the insertion into Porn Logic is entirely accidental due to a decrepit old game machine that Taylor willingly went up to and then activated (though not knowing of the way the machine worked). Taylor is quite insistent she'll kill Leet after beating the game, is pleasantly surprised by her new body with Shapeshifting being something she'll learn eventually, and decided that seducing opponents was better morally and better fun than going full-on hack-and-slashing her way through the game. Besides, even if she doesn't keep the powers like the game claims, it's a hell of a lot more fun than waiting for Dad to finish bowling with his buddies...

Here? Taylor is actively entrapped by these authority figures (who she can't Sasuke-swear vengeance upon) trying to sell her a shit sandwich which they CLAIM will give her lasting superpowers, and who are insisting said shit sandwich doesn't stink. They are also telling her to modify her body without an easy shapeshift disguise for everyday life once she goes home. And she's threatened with being missing for over a year or losing her memories of the event if she doesn't choose certain rewards, further crimping her game start point (i.e. initial credit balance)

Comparing the two initialization methods into Porn Logic between Waifu Warz and this is basically "finds vial labelled 'POWERS' and decides to merely POKE (not drink, POKE) it while suicidally depressed, what's the worst that could happen?" versus "tied down and force-fed vial of suspicious liquid by cackling Merchants".

And of course that's why you (Ack) and I have such a united front in "Taylor needs to react more negatively and obstinately."

I think it mostly due the fact everyone is from different settings that range to porn logic, friendship, grim dark, super science, and many more that makes it hard for Taylor to adjust to some things everyone takes for granted as normal.

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See what I said to Ack above on the difference between means of entry into Porn Logic: "Random Accident that's partly Taylor's own fault for poking around" versus "Being forced into it by cackling corporate thugs threatening to ruin your family" is a HUGE DIFFERENCE.

...Wait a second. "Corporate thugs threatening your family" sounds a lot like the fanon ABB rape farm abductions... o hey Taylor has a similar experience to Emma now!

 

[Krantz]

You guys should also consider that Cindy as ex star of slut life might have a skewed perception of what is appropriate or not for Taylor, she might end end pushing the girl in a direction that see her spending half a day with her face down biting a pillow just because she consider it a perfectly reasonable option.... You can see it on some comments she gives on the contract options

 

[SystemSearcher]

You guys should also consider that Cindy as ex star of slut life might have a skewed perception of what is appropriate or not for Taylor, she might end end pushing the girl in a direction that see her spending half a day with her face down biting a pillow just because she consider it a perfectly reasonable option.... You can see it on some comments she gives on the contract options

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Maybe not even just due to being an ex-star. She's been in this world for her entire life, it's quite possible that this is the default assumption for what's appropriate.

Same way how I can't understand how the entirety of Japan can live off of fish because I can't stand fish, but they clearly do and they clearly don't think it is anything wrong and would consider me the weirdo.

 

[edale]

Here: "I got shafted once already by this lot but I'm not going to notebook the hell out of everything and get a mostly full picture before selecting anything, despite risking them shafting me AGAIN, more literally this time."

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How many times must it be pointed out, Taylor hasn't selected a single thing yet.

and I'm less paranoid than Taylor.

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Obviously not.

Constructive criticism is basically "That's not going to work, try this alternative, which ____explanation here___ or think up something else." which is exactly what I posted.

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Erm... That was just you rehashing what other people had been saying in the thread for like 2 pages... Ranting about what had already been said rather than adding something new.

And what about YOU? Have YOU contributed ideas besides pure defence of the author and the utterly unproductive "don't like, don't read" sentiment?

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Given the author has thanked me for bringing up certain points on at least 2 separate occasions, I'd say I've contributed a fair share.

And I never once said or implied "don't like don't read", though I have seen a few other members say that.

That is NOT how contract law works.
In any legal system that actually has contracts, i.e. where abducting the CEO, putting a planet-killer weapon to his less-than-planetary-durability head, and forcing him to sign over the company won't work, THAT WILL NOT WORK.

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From what he said when he was bragging about 'bagging another recruitment bonus,' he never lied to you or forced you to sign up."

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Even if he had lied, that contract would be binding, so long as he didn't force you to sign it.

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Emphasis mine.

That example you keep giving wouldn't work.

And my quotes are also why I say if the first contract is found to be invalid, and the first contract is what forced Taylor to sign the second contract, the second contract would become nul, because she was forced to sign the second contract under the duress of the invalid first one.

I keep reading some of the comments and wondering where the hell the poster is getting their interpretation from.

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*glances at Guardian54* Yea, no idea where some of these ideas are coming from.

In Waifu Warz, the insertion into Porn Logic is entirely accidental due to a decrepit old game machine that Taylor willingly went up to and then activated (though not knowing of the way the machine worked).

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This is the second time I've seen you mention Waufu Warz, but I can't find that fic anywhere, could you provide a link please?



And now to actually read the new chapter.

 

[chrnno]

This is the second time I've seen you mention Waufu Warz, but I can't find that fic anywhere, could you provide a link please?

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Waifu Warz.

 

[Tortoise]

The thing that's grating me most is how this shit keeps happening to Taylor, and the characters doing it believe they're in the right for doing it, and there's a good 95% chance (from evidence so far) that nobody except the Named Villain (ie, Trichter) is going to suffer any sort of comeuppance.

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Even if I were to accept that description of the story as literally true, I don't see why you'd have to consider that "grating". The story can OK even if some characters behave in a somewhat abusive manner and suffer no comeuppance whatsoever. And it's not such a bad deal for Taylor - sure being forced on the show could suck, but her situation sucked to begin with, and the Slut Life intervention at least doesn't seem to make it worse overall.

Your reaction to the attempted control also appears excessive. If she wasn't going to use it to force her to do anything against her will, it wouldn't have had any significant consequences even had it succeeded. Sure it can be considered to be wrong, but it's not necessarily something you absolutely have to make a big deal out of.

 

[edale]

... especially given what happened when I tried to control her."

"You tried to what?!" Meagan exclaimed. "Damn it, you're lucky she didn't notice!"

"I didn't try to have her do anything," Liana protested. "I just wanted to see what she saw and stuff." She shuddered briefly. "I'm not about to do that again anytime soon. I'm pretty sure if I did, my brains would end up leaking out of my ears." To herself, she mused, "I never thought someone with an eldritch abomination in their head could seem so nice..."

"What?!"

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Yea... Taylor gonna murder a bitch if she ever finds out about this.


Also this chapter is full of even more reasons why I think the Nanoha-style magic would be better for Taylor. I'm also a little surprised the magical girls didn't say a word about any of the other magical girl types.

 

[SystemSearcher]

Yea... Taylor gonna murder a bitch if she ever finds out about this.


Also this chapter is full of even more reasons why I think the Nanoha-style magic would be better for Taylor. I'm also a little surprised the magical girls didn't say a word about any of the other magical girl types.

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Because they've specifically been called because Taylor's interested in emotion-based magic, and they probably never bothered to learn the other magical girl types beyond the obvious that Cindy already said?

 

[Guardian54]

And my quotes are also why I say if the first contract is found to be invalid, and the first contract is what forced Taylor to sign the second contract, the second contract would become nul, because she was forced to sign the second contract under the duress of the invalid first one.

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No, she was tricked into a Faustian Bargain, and THIS is what I say to your Faustian Bargain drivel.

Caption: How this should end between Taylor (top) and the entire Faustian-Bargain-mongering roster of Slut Life.

The last thing Taylor remembers is the Locker. For all she knows they're going to shove her back into it (they CLAIM she was taken from hospital, but she cannot trust them). "Take our offer, or stay pinned under that bus in the locker" SOUNDS A FUCKING LOT LIKE MAMI'S RECRUITMENT.

Your idea of duress is one that would not be tolerated in any society that can have contracts, no matter how megacorp dominated.

I align myself with Ack: If this fic doesn't end with Taylor destroying most of the SL system at the very least, I will be very disappointed.

 

[Chickennoodlesoup]

So, I just finished reading all the story posts, then going through comment posts, and finally figured out my problem with this story.

It wants to be a full on Porn Logic Dubcon Worm Fic, in the NSFW Section. Cause Really, if this was in the NSFW Section, and with minor changes in dialogue, there would be less to no commentary on the contract portions.

Unfortunately, this is in the SFW section, and is set up to be taken seriously. So when "Serious Tone" Worm runs into "Porn Logic" Slut Life? It messes with SoD, and because the whole fic is based on the moment when porn and serious logic cross, and that moment wasn't done... well enough, people keep harping on it.

And Because the Premise of the Fic is based on that moment, for several people reading, it completely throws us off, pulling our SoD off.

 

[theM]

The first part - the original deal - is the truly problematic part, as everything else flows from that very, very dodgy 'contract'.

The thing that bothers me is how UNNECESSARY the Faustian nature of it all seems. Bringing her into Slut Life at the point the author has chosen we have a Taylor that has been broken down - but hasn't yet had the time to recover with the goal of being a superhero like when canon starts. Dealing with her fairly and openly would probably have worked.

Heck, there's a couple later points in the story where Taylor (with a more Skitter mentality at that point) would probably have gladly signed on (in exchange for Dinah's freedom and/or a power upgrade she feels she needs as Brockton Bay just kept getting worse).

"So, we're an interdimensional organisation with a ton of technological and magical backing. We just grabbed you out of the safety of the Undersiders' lair for a talk. Your situation sucks. We'd like you as a contestant on our show, we offer great compensation packages including superpowers a la carte. This might make your own situation suck less, so we think we can do business. To demonstrate we're serious, we'll put you back mere seconds after we grabbed you, no matter how long these negotiations last. Here's our brochure, don't be put off by the name, we'll answer any questions you have. Hope to see you as a contestant on Slut Life."

She'd at least have given it a look.

Instead the Tricher opening taints every interaction with the company after.

 

[Dobb]

Long commentary short: I agree both with Aсk and Guardian54, fic clashes what we get versus what is intended horribly, Taylor does not (and should not) work on Porn Logic, and plot holes there are big enough to drown a "continent-sized organic supercomputer".

I don't even know why I'm still reading it. Nice language and wording? Sweet, sweet promises that might be held later if I suffer wait long enough? Some kind of Stockholm Syndrome?.. That fic seemed to have so much potential, but now I'm deeply disappointed.

 

[Jonakhensu]

Well, I've given this most of a day to percolate while I was doing other things. And I must say, I'm glad I have a buffer and a group of people I know actually enjoy this, because some of the commentary has passed the point of being considered remotely civil, and it could easily kill the story. There's a saying, and I think it applies here. To quote John Lydgate, "You can please some of the people all of the time, you can please all of the people some of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time." So, while I'll take good advice as it is given, I'm not going to fundamentally change my story to sate the whims of the vocal few, especially when the resulting story isn't the one I want to write.

I am not going to be replying to any comments I think are toxic, unless they also have some measure of constructive critism I agree with. I know this is going to piss certain people off, but I don't really care anymore. I'd much rather spend my time writing than 'typing out rants' explaining why I'm not following their 'suggestions' without resorting to massive spoilers - which will probably be ignored anyway.

Spoiler: Replies to things

Except that everything that Cindy is doing and saying is going against that.

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I've taken your complaint into consideration and have done what you have asked. I have employed a retcon. You're welcome.

I notice coercion is not off the table.

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That was a poor choice of words on my part. I was thinking coercion covered more than it actually does. It has been changed.

Just a question. As the fact that QA is half broken been discussed yet?

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I've decided to use a different method. It will be made clear sometime in Arc 2, or early on in Arc 3.

I'll say it again: Taylor is screwed, and Cindy's help is more pretend than real.

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I found a video about how interpretations differ. You are seeing things that are not there in story. Are they valid interpretations of the words? Possibly. Are the the correct interpretation of Cindy's character? No, no they are not.

Spoiler: Video

Cindy is playing Taylor while pretending to be her friend.

Calling it now: all of her manipulations are gonna be ignored and forgotten when Taylor finally gains some agency in this story. Just saying.

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I'm not sure why Taylor would seek revenge based on you incorrect interpretation of events. Just saying.

3. Meta reason: Cindy has read Worm and tons of Worm fanfiction, recognizes Taylor Hebert, and wants to boost her up with as many powers and good social experiences as she can.

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At this point, I'm not even sure you've read the chapter I posted. If Cindy has read Worm or any Worm fanfics, why would she be asking her boss for more information about Taylor, to the point where her powers coming from a biological super computer was a surprise?

There's one more hacker who is even more ridiculous than Accelerator. I can't say who it is, but there's definitely one.

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I'm sorry to ruin your fun, but Ein won't be making an appearance. It was a close call, though. I decided it'd be too difficult for the other characters to understand the barking.

Oh wow that could have ended so fucking horribly.

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Yea... Taylor gonna murder a bitch if she ever finds out about this.

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Yes, it could have ended badly. I hadn't thought of it earlier, but I'm going to add more to that particular plot line now, in order to take care of that loose end.

And yet, it won't be reported and she won't be punished for it.

She gets away with it. Taylor never hears about it. There are no consequences. Or if it does get heard about, it'll be passed off as "Magical girls being magical girls."

For all intents and purposes, she was allowed to do it.

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By your logic, I'm 'allowed' to murder people, so long as I don't get caught.

The thing that's grating me most is how this shit keeps happening to Taylor, and the characters doing it believe they're in the right for doing it, and there's a good 95% chance (from evidence so far) that nobody except the Named Villain (ie, Trichter) is going to suffer any sort of comeuppance.

Click to shrink...

There are only three people, currently known about, who I would agree *might* deserve some punishment. Tricher, for using that 'contract,' Ross for not stomping harder on Tricher (though Tricher is being protected by his uncle), and Liana for using her mind control magic on a civilian outside a combat scenario.

Your reaction to the attempted control also appears excessive. If she wasn't going to use it to force her to do anything against her will, it wouldn't have had any significant consequences even had it succeeded. Sure it can be considered to be wrong, but it's not necessarily something you absolutely have to make a big deal out of.

Click to shrink...

The attempted control actually accomplished everything Liana wanted it to, considering she just wanted to see what Taylor did by accessing her senses.

Also this chapter is full of even more reasons why I think the Nanoha-style magic would be better for Taylor. I'm also a little surprised the magical girls didn't say a word about any of the other magical girl types.

Click to shrink...

I'm not sure what reasons you're referring to. As for why the magical girls didn't say anything about the other magical girl types, would you expect a insurance company (that doesn't brag about showing their competitors' quotes) to suggest you go with a different company?

Unfortunately, this is in the SFW section, and is set up to be taken seriously. So when "Serious Tone" Worm runs into "Porn Logic" Slut Life? It messes with SoD, and because the whole fic is based on the moment when porn and serious logic cross, and that moment wasn't done... well enough, people keep harping on it.

Click to shrink...

The story is taking itself seriously. Could I have done a better job meshing the two tones? Possibly. I don't know, because I didn't notice an issue in how I wrote it, and none of my betas mentioned it to me before I started posting. Either way, I'm not going to rewrite my entire story just to try to get the melding of tones perfect.

Instead the Tricher opening taints every interaction with the company after.

Click to shrink...

There are reasons for this, and they may even be valid ones. You aren't likely to find out those reasons for a long while, though.

 

[Guardian54]

1. I am not going to be replying to any comments I think are toxic, unless they also have some measure of constructive critism I agree with.

2. I found a video about how interpretations differ. You are seeing things that are not there in story. Are they valid interpretations of the words? Possibly. Are the the correct interpretation of Cindy's character? No, no they are not.

3. At this point, I'm not even sure you've read the chapter I posted. If Cindy has read Worm or any Worm fanfics, why would she be asking her boss for more information about Taylor, to the point where her powers coming from a biological super computer was a surprise?

4. I'm not sure what reasons you're referring to. As for why the magical girls didn't say anything about the other magical girl types, would you expect a insurance company (that doesn't brag about showing their competitors' quotes) to suggest you go with a different company?

5. The story is taking itself seriously. Could I have done a better job meshing the two tones? Possibly. I don't know, because I didn't notice an issue in how I wrote it, and none of my betas mentioned it to me before I started posting. Either way, I'm not going to rewrite my entire story just to try to get the melding of tones perfect.

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Enumerated

1. What exactly is your bar for constructive criticism? Because my bar is set pretty low and basically amounts to "if thy rage cannot be contained, and thy lamentations ariseth with much profanity, perhaps the time to stop is nigh upon you." i.e. if it's not a ton of howled curses and actually points things out I either incorporate it... or ignore them until they go away.
...Yeah, I subscribe to the "don't like, don't read" school sometimes, but never have I stood my ground over something that was explicitly a throwaway point that was not expected to arouse such furor! I do not understand your insistence on a Faustian Bargain when one was fundamentally unnecessary and it was a throwaway plot point i.e. easy to remove. The only explanation I can think of is "Sunk Cost"... ah...
...I've never used a writing buffer for that exact reason: ability to not railroad myself by Sunk Cost Fallacy into a course that just costs me readers.

2. Ack is saying that you seem to be following this procedure, which I and a few others who have recently spoken up (Chickennoodlesoup, theM and Dobb) are failing to comprehend:
a) Kidnaps paranoid depressed girl
b) Tricks paranoid depressed girl in the name of a shady rape farm (as far as Taylor can tell they're coercing her into lots of televised sex) organization
c) Expects paranoid depressed girl to not become Rabidly Paranoid about you and your entire group
d) ?????
Please explain why this is expected to work

3. Plausible deniability as a Worm fan...
...also that's when I go full sarcasm and wild mass guessing in groping for possible reasons why SL is stabbing itself in the face THIS BADLY. (like I said before, they've had HORNS up various orifices, and maybe NETS, but I don't think they've had HORNETS up those orifices among others!)

4. If the customer is REALLY overly troublesome then yes, the insurance company will advise you go elsewhere. Whether burly security guards are involved in moving you out of the office may vary. You yourself are using this EXACT strategy by saying "I'm not bothering to respond to any comment I find toxic" which is basically "don't like, don't read". As for the burly security guards... Moderators are a thing.

5. No matter how well the later construction is made, if the foundation has giant holes in it (as forcing Taylor into a Faustian bargain is in terms of screwing over the whole SL organization, so I hope Trichter at the very least dies horribly and permanently) one of two things occur:

Spoiler: Great construction, bad start with numerous retcons and patches applied

Spoiler: Foundation eventually just gives way.

For an example of a literary "foundation just gives way" which I know you've read from earlier exchanges, refer to A Cloudy Path writing itself into a corner with ever-stronger enemies while railroading itself to stay at street level. Eventually it ran out of track and Lacks flounced off in a huff instead of admit he screwed up.

So, do you REALLY want to have to retcon and patch all over the place later on to keep the teetering structure standing?

 

[Lolth]

So, mainly because I haven't been keeping up with the thread conversation due to life but what was changed?

My opinions: mostly enjoyable, somewhat miffed Taylor isn't thinking far enough ahead but understanding of her IC situation so it isn't worth raising a fuss. I don't expect a writer to fully explore the legal code of a pan-galactic, inter-universal civilisation that lets a company life SL exist so I'm perfectly happy to ignore or overlook some things that don't make immediate sense.

I do wish however that Taylor took fewer breaks when making her choices because it seems as though she has a five to ten minute conversation then does... something? Nothing? We can't tell. That's my largest issue.

 

[SystemSearcher]

So, mainly because I haven't been keeping up with the thread conversation due to life but what was changed?

My opinions: mostly enjoyable, somewhat miffed Taylor isn't thinking far enough ahead but understanding of her IC situation so it isn't worth raising a fuss. I don't expect a writer to fully explore the legal code of a pan-galactic, inter-universal civilisation that lets a company life SL exist so I'm perfectly happy to ignore or overlook some things that don't make immediate sense.

I do wish however that Taylor took fewer breaks when making her choices because it seems as though she has a five to ten minute conversation then does... something? Nothing? We can't tell. That's my largest issue.

Click to shrink...

I mean, she's been actually shown jogging, watching old videos, messing with her bugs...

 

[Ack]

I decided to go through the first chapter and look it over again. I've made some notes.

Recruitment 1.0

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"Where am I?" Taylor groaned woozily as her sedatives slowly wore off. Then her final memories hit. "The locker!" she exclaimed, bolting upright. Taylor gasped in pain as the sudden movement caused a previously minor headache to flare. Her heartbeat echoing in her ears as it suddenly began pounding didn't help. She tried to not hyperventilate, more because she didn't want to breath [breathe] in any more of that vile air than she had to than ["than she had to than". I'd consider some rephrasing there.] in order to keep calm.

"Ah, Miss," a voice began before pausing a moment, "Hebert. Greetings." As Taylor blearily looked towards the speaking blob, it continued. "My name is Jacob Tricher."

"Who?" Taylor asked.

"Now," the man continued, "I don't expect you to have heard of me. Our corporation doesn't have much of a presence in your neck of the woods, yet. We're looking to change that, however. Starting with you." He paused again, but continued before Taylor could comment, "Ah, yes, your myopia." He held out what she knew had to be his hand. "Here are your glasses."

Taylor took the glasses and put them on, watching as the blur resolved into a man, probably in his late twenties or early thirties, wearing a suit. "Thanks," she said, giving her glasses the final adjustments to make them comfortable. Now, what did you want with me?" Taylor immediately repressed the twinge at how plaintive that sounded.

"Hm, yes," Jacob Tricher mused. "You probably would like an explanation."

"That would be helpful,"Taylor replied dryly.

Jacob leaned forward. "Alright, let's start with the basics. This company is the premier television network here, calling on talent from many worlds."

"Many worlds?" Taylor interrupted to ask. "You mean I'm not on Earth Bet? Did you kidnap me?!"

Jacob visibly winced. "That is one way to interpret it, yes," he began. Holding up a hand, he quickly continued, "However, we prefer to view it as conducting negotiations away from distractions. If you turn down our proposal, we'll return you back to where you were, none the worse for wear."

Taylor relaxed minutely. At they were going to force her into anything [I'd fire your proofreaders], assuming Jacob was telling her the truth. "So, you're what? So kind of recruiter?"

"Essentially, yes," Jacob agreed. "It's my job to find suitable candidates who might be amenable to joining one of our shows. When I find someone suitable, we bring them to a corporate office, where we discuss the details of the offer. Those who agree are sent on to Legal to hash out all of the details of their contracts, and those who don't get sent back to continue with their lives as though this opportunity had never presented itself."

"That sounds, reasonable [why the comma in the middle?]," Taylor offered. "So I'm in your corporate office, while," she looked down at herself before finishing, "still in a hospital bed. Is this how you meet everyone?"

"Ah, yes, that," Jacob began with a nervous chuckle. "You're something of a special case. The reason you're in a hospital bed in a gown instead of in a chair and dressed, is that we didn't want to make you uncomfortable by dressing you while you were still sedated.
[Note here. Jacob is in the business of recruiting girls to have sex on camera. He's got some dodgy af methods for doing so. And he was sensitive enough to not make Taylor uncomfortable by having her dressed while she was asleep? This says that he's fully aware how modest she would be--yet he's got NO problem in tricking (forcing) her into a year of having sex on camera.
That makes him a sadist.
He doesn't deserve bees. He deserves death. Slow death.]

As for the rest… we are not in the main office." He paused for effect before continuing. "Due to special considerations in your case, we are currently in orbit. We'd normally be on the surface, but there are… issues we'll need to see to first."

Taylor blinked. What issues could cause… Only one thing made any sense. "Am I a parahuman now? Do I have powers?"

Jacob took a moment to flip through a file before replying, "Ah, yes, that is the nomenclature used. Yes, you are a parahuman. Unfortunately, your mind is having issues dealing with the increased stimuli, so we decided it would be easiest to remove you from the stimuli before having this conversation. If you agree to our proposal, we will slowly acclimate you to the stimuli until you can function normally regardless."

"What are you talking about? What kind of stimuli?" Taylor asked.

"According to your file, your terminology would rank you as a mid-tier Master, with the ability to see through the senses of those you control," Jacob explained. "The human mind is not used to being bombarded with the senses of a few others, let alone what you were experiencing, so your mind hasn't had to to learn how to process all of the additional input yet."

Taylor had a sudden, sinking suspicion. "And what happens if I decide not to agree?"

Jacob put on what looked to be a practiced grimace. "Should you decide our offer is not for you, we would be legally required to return you to your world as you currently are. Our doctors believe it'd take at least a week of near catatonia for you to adjust in those conditions. Depending on your parents and the hospital, you could either be discharged into your parents' care or sent to a dedicated facility for the duration."

"But-" Taylor protested, "my dad can't afford that!"

Jacob shrugged. "Unfortunately, our company can take no responsibility for your welfare beyond ensuring you are returned to where we picked you up properly. There are provisions for cases when doing so would result in your immediate death, but this is not the case here. Ultimately, should you reject this opportunity, you and your father will be no worse off than had we not made the offer at all."

"Fine," Taylor growled, crossing her arms angrily. "And don't expect me to forget that you still haven't explained what you want from me." After a second of thought, she added, "Or what your company is called."

"Ah, right," Jacob began, leaning back in his seat. "We would you to be a contestant in a reality TV show we host."

"A reality TV show?" Taylor asked flatly. "Really?"

"Oh, yes," Jacob confirmed. "It really is quite popular the universe over. If you join, cameras would broadcast your life for all who wished to watch. In return, based on your length of service and the choices you make, you would have to potential to receive quite the impressive reward. Of course, most of that would be explained in further detail by our Legal department. And you may find a few, though not many, of your options restricted in light of your abilities."

"That doesn't sound too bad. What was that about length of service?" Taylor asked. "I don't want to be away from Dad too long."

"I wouldn't worry to much about that," Jacob said encouragingly. "One of the rewards would have you back in your bed picoseconds after you left. He wouldn't even need to know you've gone. In fact, if I recall correctly, that option also includes a decent cash payout, which could definitely help your financial situation." He paused for a moment before continuing, "As to the length of service, that's really all up to you. While you can, and many do, choose to remain a contestant in perpetuity, the standard term is one year and can be extended up to ten years. The shortest term you can do is six months."

"Seems reasonable," Taylor agreed.

"And it would give you plenty of time to adjust to your new powers," Jacob added. "So," he continued, pulling out a single paged form and a pen. "What do you say? Want to be a contestant? This form just says you're willing to join up. The full contract would be handled by Legal."

Taylor looked at the paper with some skepticism. "This'll give me time to figure out my powers, get me enough money to help Dad, and get me back before he can miss me?"

"If you pick the right rewards, certainly," Jacob said smoothly.

"Fine," Taylor decided. "I don't want to end up in the mental ward or something. I'll sign up."

"Great," Jacob said cheerfully, passing over the paper and pen. Once Taylor had given the contract a quick look over, glancing over the SL logo without comment, and had signed it, he continued, "We, at Slut Life, are happy to have you as our newest contestant."

"Wait, what?" Taylor demanded, her eyes snapping fully open as she stared at Jacob.

"Now, remember," Jacob said as he retrieved the papers from Taylor's limp fingers and shuffled it back into his file, "while the details of your contract will be worked out later, the Contestant Registration Form you just signed is binding."

[Question. How does the Contestant Registration Form relate to the main form? What's it's purpose in the story?
I get that from outside the story, it's just a plot device designed to have Taylor 'accidentally' sign up for Slut Life.
How about from inside the story? What's Trichter's excuse for having a form that conveniently doesn't mention Slut Life, but which when signed makes the signatory obliged to sign the actual contract?
Why isn't he required just to have the main contract ready to fill out and sign?
What does the Registration Form have/do that the main contract doesn't/can't?]

Taylor continued gaping at the man in disbelief.

"I'm sure you're still recovering from your ordeal, so I'll leave you to get your rest. We'll have something delivered shortly to begin your acclimation to your abilities and some food for when you get hungry. Get a good rest, we're expecting great things from you."

As the man left, Taylor could only ask, "What did I just sign up for?"

Click to shrink...

Also:
it's noted that Taylor is now on a space station. I'm pretty sure that it's not in orbit around Earth Bet, or the Simurgh would almost certainly be taking a close and unhealthily personal interest in it. Which means that Taylor's already been moved away from Earth Bet.

Whoops.

 

[SystemSearcher]

I decided to go through the first chapter and look it over again. I've made some notes.



Also:
it's noted that Taylor is now on a space station. I'm pretty sure that it's not in orbit around Earth Bet, or the Simurgh would almost certainly be taking a close and unhealthily personal interest in it. Which means that Taylor's already been moved away from Earth Bet.

Whoops.

Click to shrink...

Alternate Earths count as still being in-range.

 

[Ack]

Alternate Earths count as still being in-range.

Click to shrink...

So Scion could be wandering past at any moment, then? Given that he can step across dimensions at will?

 

[SystemSearcher]

So Scion could be wandering past at any moment, then? Given that he can step across dimensions at will?

Click to shrink...

Pretty much, but from what I know of canon he doesn't really care about anything that goes on in the world(s) at this point. So him noticing this would require him to pay attention.

 

[Ack]

Pretty much, but from what I know of canon he doesn't really care about anything that goes on in the world at this point.

Click to shrink...

I'm thinking that whatever was used to extract Taylor from her bed would've come to his notice. And evidence of a more highly developed civilisation would definitely interest him.

 

[SystemSearcher]

I'm thinking that whatever was used to extract Taylor from her bed would've come to his notice. And evidence of a more highly developed civilisation would definitely interest him.

Click to shrink...

Which, once again, requires him to pay attention. And from what I know of Scion, he very much isn't paying attention to anything that isn't himself and his avatar's immediate surroundings.

 

[torac]

Following only the last few pages of discussing there is something I must misunderstand: Why is Slutlife as an entity considered to be supposed to be unquestionably "good" and/or beholden to a Earth-style first-world legal system?

To clarify: SL is the sort of organization that makes money off of people being literally mindbroken on live television, enslaved, and/or tortured in various ways. This is only a part of what they do, but these are things happening within the Slutlife continuum unless they are changed in a very major way. They are also an extremely powerful multiversal entity that is only beholden to the rules of the even larger shadow cabal which is probably one of the, if not the, most powerful organization in the entire known multiverse.

Now the draw of the show is that people choose to be subjected to all this and that they indeed choose their own fate. This is the big draw of the (part of?) the show Taylor has stumbled upon. I won't contemplate the possible reasons for this, but there are many.

This has several consequences, such as trying to be "nice" about people enslaving themselves and making the whole situation bearable. Also, offering rewards so people sign up and increasing them, offering rewards both exotic and mundane, hiring personable managers etc etc.

We have also seen the limits of this niceness: Taylor being tricked into it goes against company policy, but only on the level of perhaps an employee being very rude to a customer: "You have our deepest apology for the unpleasant experience with our store. The employee has been reprimanded, and we would be ever so happy to hand you over to a different one. Also, would you like some store credit to make up for the situation? What, you want to cancel your shipment? We are sorry, that is not currently possible."

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Individual employees may be genuinely good, but the actual organisation as a whole most certainly isn't. At most it leans towards brighter shades of grey.