The Unicorn
Well worn.
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Not really. Not at least for the quantities needed. If she needed to gulp down you might have a point, but she doesn't.
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Commercial Break (Worm / Slut Life) (Borderline SFW)
- Thread starter Jonakhensu
- Start date
Czlyydwr Llrngwl
"Sell ya a door Learn gull" Czly/Celly for short.
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If she's trying to fit six liters through a tube that's maybe a centimeter in diameter for every breath, she certainly does. Drawing water in past a set of, say, 5x10cm by however thick gills on each side of her ribs and then forcing it back out past them again would take a far lower flow rate and lower degree of internal suction/pressure, is what I'm saying.
The Unicorn
Well worn.
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Jonakhensu
I trust you know where the happy button is?
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You don't want water to run both directions over the gills. That'll tank the efficiency something fierce.
That said, I see what you mean about the size of the trachea being a problem. I don't think it's quite as much of a problem as you think it is, but there are definitely ways around it... which have the advantage of also allowing her to breath while eating underwater and such.
I'll give it some thought for later, when she's put into a tank that isn't highly oxygenated.
edale
Versed in the lewd.
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Current release schedule is a new chapter every other Tuesday. Next chapter should drop on the 16th.
Kalesin
Know what you're doing yet?
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Aaaand bow I'll be checking the thread every 15min on the 16th waiting for an update...
Thanks for the info, though
MissileTeatime
By the power of Vaporware!
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Hourly ought to be plenty. This is hardly a high-pressure thread.Aaaand bow I'll be checking the thread every 15min on the 16th waiting for an update...
Thanks for the info, though
Jonakhensu
I trust you know where the happy button is?
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Aaaand bow I'll be checking the thread every 15min on the 16th waiting for an update...
Thanks for the info, though
I'll save you some effort... based on my schedule for that day, I should be posting sometime between 1200 and 1700 hours, EDT. This is assuming, of course, that my schedule doesn't spontaneously change on me. It often does.
Preparation 2.8
Jonakhensu
I trust you know where the happy button is?
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Preparation 2.8
"Good morning, girls," a female voice rang through the room, rousing the two preteens. "I know you're probably a little confused, and I'll do what I can to explain things."
The two girls sat up, nearly in unison, and turned to look at the speaker, a young woman wearing a lab coat. "That'd be nice," one of the girls began.
"Could you start by explaining why we seem to remember stuff I'm sure we weren't around for?" the other asked.
"Ah, yes, that," the woman began. "To start, my name is Violetta Seward. I'm one of the New Body Coordinators here. Now, before we begin, I need to check. What are your names?"
The girls looked at each other before one replied, "I'm Zoe Rose Hebert."
The other girl chimed in, "And I'm Ashley Silvia Hebert, but you can call me Ash."
Violetta nodded and made a note on her tablet. "Good," she commented, "you're differentiating nicely. There's always some concern that the memories form the primary contestant could cause problems with the sibling's ego, so we do need to check."
The girls both smiled and nodded their understanding.
"Now," Violetta continued, ignoring the girls' obvious lack of understanding for the moment, "we usually try to use the same base contract when a contestant chooses Siblings or similar choices. However, the higher ups have decided to allow you to use a more complete catalog."
"Does that change things?" Zoe asked, biting her lip nervously.
"Oh, heavens, yes," Violetta replied. "First, let me explain what Taylor already signed you up for." She tapped her tablet before saying, "Under the original contract, you would each have thirty-eight credits to start with. Taylor signed you up for the bare essentials for a long, healthy life." She looked over the page again and quirked an eyebrow. "She also signed you up for the Water Chamber punishment, which seems a bit out of character for her."
Ash grinned. "Oh, it's because she wants us to be able to breathe if the worst happens and Leviathan tries to drown us or something."
"I...guess that makes sense," Violetta agreed shakily. She coughed as she recomposed herself. "Unfortunately, under the new contract, you will be starting with eight credits, due to some differences in pricing." The girls were obviously upset at that, so she held up a hand and added, "Now, before you start arguing, the new contract will be better for you, and we've already received permission to replace your education option from the Entertainment section with the School job, which will have you starting with the original thirty eight credits and you'll also receive educational credit for the work you do should you decide to live at least partially on Earth Bet."
"That's… probably worth it," Zoe agreed, looking over at her sister.
"It'd make things easier for Dad when we get there," Ash agreed. "I say go for it."
"Agreed." Looking over to Violetta, Zoe asked, "Where should we go from here?"
"Well, as it currently stands, unless one of the other roommates decides to bring something with them, you will be stuck wearing Taylor's clothing, which probably won't fit you, and eating baby food."
Zoe and Ash wrinkled their noses in disgust. "No thanks," they said in unison.
Looking at her sister, Ash asked, "Food?"
Zoe nodded and stated, "Clothes."
Looking between the two, Violetta asked, "Which do you want to start with?"
The two girls had a brief staring contest before Zoe sighed while Ash did a little dance. "We'll start with the food."
"What caused that mana wave?" Emperor Malik demanded of his Field Marshall. A massive wave of mana had blasted through his outer sanctum only an hour before. While nothing seemed damaged, all of the mana detection devices were sounding their shrill alarms. If they weren't shut down soon, he knew he would soon have a pounding headache. He was already getting worried about his hearing. "Are we under attack?"
"I am not sure, My Liege," Field Marshall Asmodeus answered promptly. "We will be putting our forces on high alert until we know for sure."
"Do that," Emperor Malik ordered. "We are going to be essentially blind until the mana detectors can be deactivated and re-calibrated. I nearly saw that." Settling down into his throne, he added, "I want you to step up patrols and send out more scouts as well. We need to know what happened and if it can be done again." He paused for a moment before asking, "Other than our mana detectors, has there been any damage or casualties?"
"If you will pardon me for a moment, My Liege, I will find the most up to date information on that," Asmodeus said. "However, as of the last time I checked, half an hour ago, the only damage has been to devices unusually sensitive to mana surges, and most of those had adequate shielding to withstand the mana wave. We estimate about two percent of our sensitive equipment, that which was currently undergoing maintenance, was affected. There were only five casualties, where engineers were actively working on components that exploded with the surge. There were no fatalities, though one of the technicians will never see again."
Malik sighed. "Make sure he is compensated accordingly and see about getting shielding on the entire maintenance depots. Maybe something portable as well."
"It will be done," Asmodeus intoned.
"Has this seriously delayed my plans?"
"No, My Liege," Asmodeus answered. "We built in a margin for unexpected events. It would take something far greater than a mere mana fluctuation, even at larger magnitudes than we just experienced, to slow our preparations."
"Good," Malik replied. "You are dismissed. I expect a detailed report on damages, casualties, and proposed countermeasures in the morning."
"Yes, My Liege," the Field Marshall said before he turned, making his way out of the inner sanctum. He had much paperwork to do and not much time to do it in.
Violetta nodded as she made the final notation on her tablet. "That takes care of the clothing and food. And you're only one credit in the red." Looking over the tablet, she added, "Which nicely segues into the next topic. A lot of people try to go into what you can get out of the run first. I prefer to start with what you're willing to pay. Then you know what you have to work with before you need to start making any of the hard choices."
Once again, the girls shared a look before Ash asked, "What did you have in mind?"
"I figured we could start with the most unpleasant topic," Violetta began. "Punishments."
"Can we see what Taylor picked?" Zoe requested. "It might give us some ideas."
"Certainly," their helper agreed, pulling up the relevant section. "Here you go. Just keep in mind that she was working with a much more limited form, so she may have picked some things she otherwise wouldn't have."
The girls looked the form over and winced. "Oh, she did not think that one through," Ash opined.
"Definitely not," Zoe agreed. "Think we should take that one as well? For moral support?"
Ash nodded. "That was my thought, as well. Maybe it won't be as bad if we're all on display together." Pointing at another punishment, "And we should probably travel around with her as well." Looking even further down the list, she asked, "Wait… shouldn't we already be signed up for Tentacles? We're sharing a small apartment, right?"
"There is nothing small about where you'll be living," Violetta said. "Though I do agree with your assessment. It should be safe enough to sign up for that. Even if they decide to give each of you your own tentacle pit, it won't be any more dangerous than you were already expecting."
"Some of the other punishments look pretty amusing," Zoe noted, once they'd returned to the main punishment menu. "Especially with the controller options. Would we need our own AI, or could any AI controlled options be handled by Taylor's?"
"I'll have to check," Violetta replied, pulling out a cell phone. "Keep looking through there and make note of anything you find interesting. I'll look up the answer for you."
"Thanks," Ash said as she quickly flicked through the available options. Nudging her sister in the side, she asked, "What do you think about this one?"
Velma Platt stepped out of the Slut Life provided car and looked at the large house. "This is not an apartment," she noted cautiously.
"Ah, yes," her driver, a tall, thin man who had introduced himself only as Jenkins began, having also exited the vehicle to start retrieving her bags. "From my understanding, someone put in and paid for an upgrade order. Each of you should be able to have your own deluxe bedroom, rather than needing to at the very least double up."
"That's nice," Velma replied, a bit faintly. She looked around the front of the house for a moment. There weren't any lights on, despite it being early evening, and all of the blinds were open, showing no movement inside. Cautiously, she asked, "Has anyone else arrived yet?"
Jenkins shook his head. "No, you're the first to arrive, though I understand most of the others should be arriving over the course of the next day or so. They're planning on having the meet and greet with everyone in two days and will be starting the show the next day."
"That quickly?" Velma asked in shock. "I thought they'd at least give us a few days to get used to each other."
Jenkins shrugged. "The polls show that the audience likes to watch all the awkward getting-to-know-you bits, so we try to minimize how long you have to work out any issues before we start filming live. Of course, that mostly applies to the contestant. If the roommates are squabbling enough, it detracts from the other aspects of the show. That said, we are still filming before then for promotional purposes."
"I see," Velma lied. "Anyway, we might as well stop standing out here. Let's get my stuff inside. Do you know if we have assigned rooms already, or is it first come first serve?"
"From setting up previous roommates in the past," Jenkins began, "it changes from show to show. Some have assigned sleeping quarters while others rotate rooms based on any number of factors. Until that is worked out, I recommend unpacking the bare minimum you need for the next few days, in case there's a reason you need to set up the rooms differently. Then again, the viewers love drama, and there are plenty of rooms available, so you should feel free to stake one out as your own."
"I'll keep that in mind, thanks," Velma said as she grabbed a few of her lighter bags. "Now, come on, let's get this stuff inside."
"All set with the punishments?" Violetta asked, as the girls pushed the tablet away again. They nodded, so she continued, "Why don't we take a look at the jobs next? You don't actually need any, but you might want some spending money beyond what Taylor gives you or to make a nice nest egg for after the show ends. From the sounds of things, especially with the choices Taylor made for you, she plans on having you stay around, so you might not need that nest egg, but it's always nice to have, right?"
Zoe and Ash exchanged looks, taking that advice to heart and silently agreeing to go into the same jobs unless something really cool was available that one wanted but the other would hate. "Show us what you've got," Ash said leadingly.
"Certainly," Violetta replied. "Now, the jobs range in credits from five credits for an hour of work up to forty credits for six hours of work, though I doubt your sister would appreciate either of you becoming a porn star, based off of what I've read about her."
"Probably not," Zoe agreed. "Anything else we should know before we get started?"
"Yes, actually," their helper began. "You're already signed up to go to school, and that'll take six hours out of your schedule already, so you can only take up to another ten hours worth of jobs. You can also make your school experience more… trying… in order to get more credits for it."
"Yeah..." Ash hedged.
"I think we'll skip that," Zoe concluded. "We've got enough memories of what Taylor went through without adding our own, thanks."
"That's perfectly understandable. Now, would you like me to explain each job, or would you like to just browse them?"
"I think we're fine just browsing," Ash replied.
"But we'll ask you if we have any questions," Zoe added before both girls turned to the tablet again.
Henrietta Womack watched in near giddy excitement as the first of her new neighbors arrived. There was a new contestant in the area, and that meant new sources of materials for her. "Ooh, I can hardly wait," she crooned to herself.
There was a general misconception among non-alchemists, that all fluids, especially sexual ones, were the same, regardless of who they came from. Nothing could be further from the truth. Each individual had their own potential, their own little quirks, that made their fluids better in some potions than in others.
This just led to another reason she was so excited about her new neighbors. She would be getting six of them at once, and if she could convince all of them to contribute materials, then she should have a wide range of options when it came to expanding her craft.
That wasn't even counting the benefits of having an insect controller nearby. Alphonse Flemal on SLO had been right about that. There were certain secretions that were nearly impossible to acquire in any meaningful amount without painstakingly distilling it from hundreds of samples that could, theoretically, be milked from insects.
"Oh, I need to make sure I have enough bottles and extractors ready," Henry muttered to herself distractedly, turning away from the window. While all of her new neighbors could share extractors, it would cause a small amount of contamination, which she would either need to remove or otherwise account for. Using dedicated extractors for each of them, on the other hand, would keep the samples pure. "So much to do, so little time," she complained, making her way to her storage area.
She'd need to load up a cart to bring her supplies over. Once she got the first few samples and could see what she would be working with, she would determine how much credit each sample would be worth. Once she had that in hand, she could provide them with a price list for her various wares. She'd also need to see about contacting Slut Life over the marketing rights. Having her products officially associated with a specific contestant would only improve her sales, after all.
"I think that's good for now," Zoe said as she pushed the tablet back towards Violetta.
"We can always come back if we need more credits," Ashley added. "What's next on the list?"
"Next we have the owners," Violetta said. "They're good for filling up time if you're looking for something to do, but they can also be very demanding and don't provide very many credits, proportionally, unless you get some of the more strict ones. A lot of them will also demand to have sex with you, so keep that in mind if you decide you want any owners. I usually recommend them for the end when you're trying to make up any deficits."
"That sounds like a good idea," Zoe replied. "We definitely don't need to be rushing in to things."
"And I'd like to have at least some free time," Ash added. "From what it looks like, Taylor will be lucky to be able to sit down for more than a few minutes at a time."
"There is that," Violetta acknowledged. "Of course, since you don't need to worry about a number of things your sister did, you can also avoid a lot of the more onerous issues."
"Right," Zoe said, shaking off a slightly glazed look. "Are there any other sections we can go through to get points or are we pretty much done with them?"
"There's a few more," Violetta answered, "but most of the only other sections I can think of are the Time Adjustments, which you aren't eligible for, since Taylor didn't take any, and the Experimental Drugs, and then only if you get either mandatory injections or have them become permanent. You can also have the drugs' release be controlled, but that'll start costing you credits. It'll still be a net gain, though."
Ash sighed. "I don't think we'll be interested, but we might as well take a look, right?" Zoe nodded her agreement.
The girls took a moment to look through the various drugs available before Zoe looked up and asked, "Why would we want to take any of these?"
"I mean," Ash continued, "I could see the strength booster, and maybe the stamina booster, being useful, but 'might include a loss of strength?' What's with that? It doesn't even say how common the side effects are!"
Violetta shrugged. "I don't really know how the different drugs work. You'd need to ask a scientist about that."
"All of the side effects are awful," Zoe agreed. "I don't think I want to risk any of them."
"Same here," Ash concurred. "Got anything else?"
"A couple of the body mods grant credits, as do a couple of the entertainment options, but other than that? Not really," Violetta admitted. Shrugging, she continued, "We might as well start with a part of the contract I think your sister overlooked: Health and Hygiene. Now, she may have just been sparing you additional points, since you'll be getting basic healthcare and you can use her supply of the essentials, but you may be interested in the more advanced options."
Smaug grumbled to himself as he continued shoveling gold into one of the number of expanded trunks he kept for this purpose. He had forgotten one of the main reasons he had stopped participating on Slut Life a few years ago: moving was a bitch. It was fine when the contestants were assigned to a planet where he was already living, but far too often they liked to send them out to relatively new worlds, in the hopes of inspiring colonization.
That was all well and good, but Smaug wasn't a young dragon anymore, and his hoard had expanded substantially over the years, making packing and unpacking it a pain in the tail. Of course, he didn't really need to take his entire hoard, but he also didn't trust the young whippersnappers he had bested to become Taylor Hebert's owner to leave his lair alone over the course of a year. Younglings tended to be petty like that.
He really should have started packing more than a week ago, but he'd been preoccupied with coming up with new plans for Taylor, a number of which he'd practiced with his sex slave. And, while Kasumi had done a lot of packing over the last week, she couldn't really pack his hoard. Gold is rather heavy for humans, after all. So it was up to him to shovel his mounds of gold, silver, and gems into the waiting trunks.
He definitely wasn't going to be jumping straight into sex with Taylor. While he could, and was entitled to do so, the girl had had a hard enough of a life already without him adding to it by screwing her on the first day. Besides, he was a dragon. He knew how to be patient. He could at least wait until they'd gotten to know each other a bit better, and he had some ideas for activities that would let them learn about each other while still entertaining the audience. He also had plans for the favor Cindy owed him now, but that was for later as well.
He looked up in surprise when Kasumi came running into his hoard room. "Master," she called, lapsing into the subservient language she still used when emotional. "You need to come see this!"
"What is it, Kasumi?" Smaug asked, lowering his head to be closer to her level. She insisted she didn't mind when he towered over her, but he preferred being closer to her level.
"Your new contestant, Taylor just went through her empowerment ritual," Kasumi explained hurriedly.
"So they decided to do that tonight?" the dragon grumbled to himself. He would have appreciated getting a call, so he could watch it live, but he understood how busy things could get leading up to a show's start.
"Yes, and something went strange," Kasumi continued, gesturing for Smaug to follow her back to their living area. Just because he liked sleeping on gold didn't mean he was going to force Kasumi to, so he had set up a small side cave with comfortable seating, a nice bed, and a television for her, though he did have to admit to enjoying the television as well.
Shaking his long length out, he began following her. If she was going to interrupt him like that, it was probably something important, especially since she was still wearing her normal clothes. "What happened," he asked as he made his way into the thoroughly stripped room. Everything, other than one chair and the television, had already been packed, the boxes stacked in the corner waiting to be picked up.
"I'm not sure," Kasumi replied as she fiddled with the remote to start the segment over. "They decided to try something new, and, well..." She let the video play, watching silently as the empowerment went out of control, until everything faded to white.
Smaug blinked in surprise. "That's definitely not normal," he commented. "Can you give Cindy a call? She should know, or at least be able to find out, what happened and if Taylor is alright."
"I can do that," Kasumi said with a nod. "I take it you want to get back to your packing?"
Smaug winced at the mild rebuke. "Yes," he finally said. "You were right, I shouldn't have kept putting it off."
Kasumi nodded again. "You get back to that. I'll give Cindy-chan a call."
"Now that you have your healthcare set, what do you want to look at next?" Violetta asked. "Body mods or entertainment options? I recommend starting with the body mods, but it's up to you."
Zoe and Ash nodded. "Are there any you recommend?" Zoe asked.
"Well, Menstruation Control, Easy Pregnancy, and Healthy Babies are always a good start," Violetta explained. "Most of the girls going through grab those, even if they're keeping everything else pretty much stock. And there's a few combinations that'll give you additional credits without any major downsides."
"Anything else we should know?" Ash asked. "Anything we can't take, or anything like that?"
"Since you're defaulted to New Body, there aren't any restrictions," Violetta stated. "Strictly speaking, you aren't actually done being grown yet, so we can still add anything you want before we decant you."
Zoe blinked. "We're still in a tank somewhere?" she asked, looking around the plain but obviously real room.
"We temporarily uploaded your minds into a virtual office," Violetta explained. "Once we're done here, we'll unplug you and finish your modifications and the last of your growth."
"Does it let us model changes before we get them?" Ash asked excitedly.
"That is one of the purposes for using this setup," Violetta confirmed. "Your current appearance is what our predictive software says you will look like should no further changes be made."
"Neat!" Ash cheered. "I'm going to try all the things!"
"Please keep in mind that not all of the modifications are physically apparent," Violetta cautioned. "And sensations will be at least somewhat dampened, as the inputs are simulated."
"That's no fun," Ash pouted while Zoe patted her back consolingly.
"There, there, we can still have fun," Zoe said placatingly. "Now, why don't we start by seeing how we'd look with all the boobs?" She poked at the tablet's screen a few times before asking, "How do we get the preview to work?"
The newly minted magical girl looked over her form in surprise. When she had accepted the magic into her body, this was definitely not what she was expecting to happen. Judging by her hands, she was much smaller than she had expected. Still, that shouldn't be anything too difficult to adjust to.
Looking around, she was greeted by a wholly unexpected landscape. As far as she could see, from horizon to horizon, the land was flat and cracked. Here and there she could make out what looked like the flattened remains of what could have been a rock, a tree, or something else entirely. It was very obvious that the only living things within miles of her location were herself and her familiar, which had just appeared next to her.
Looking up revealed a sky covered in roiling yellow clouds. The sun was shining through them, but it was being diffused into a hazy, dim circle in the sky. The clouds were also beginning to spiral, indicating that a powerful storm was about to erupt. The wind was also starting to pick up, swirling loose sand and grit into the air. Staying for the storm looked like an increasingly uncomfortable option.
She took a moment to look at the tome that appeared in her left hand as she called for it, the tool ready to lend its aid in casting the spells it contained. A quick look showed that none of the three spells in it would be of any great use. Closing the book, she allowed it to close and dissipate before looking up at the darkening sky above. The clouds had darkened considerably already, and the first drops of rain could be seen falling in the distance.
Deciding it was time to leave, before the storm could break, the magical girl concentrated, her outfit shimmering for several seconds as it changed in both coloring and design. With a nod, she lifted her hands and began crafting the spell. Slowly, a gateway formed in front of her, breaching reality between her location and her intended destination. Finally, once it had formed, she stooped down, scooping her familiar into her arms, and strode through the gate, allowing it to close behind her.
"Good morning, girls," a female voice rang through the room, rousing the two preteens. "I know you're probably a little confused, and I'll do what I can to explain things."
The two girls sat up, nearly in unison, and turned to look at the speaker, a young woman wearing a lab coat. "That'd be nice," one of the girls began.
"Could you start by explaining why we seem to remember stuff I'm sure we weren't around for?" the other asked.
"Ah, yes, that," the woman began. "To start, my name is Violetta Seward. I'm one of the New Body Coordinators here. Now, before we begin, I need to check. What are your names?"
The girls looked at each other before one replied, "I'm Zoe Rose Hebert."
The other girl chimed in, "And I'm Ashley Silvia Hebert, but you can call me Ash."
Violetta nodded and made a note on her tablet. "Good," she commented, "you're differentiating nicely. There's always some concern that the memories form the primary contestant could cause problems with the sibling's ego, so we do need to check."
The girls both smiled and nodded their understanding.
"Now," Violetta continued, ignoring the girls' obvious lack of understanding for the moment, "we usually try to use the same base contract when a contestant chooses Siblings or similar choices. However, the higher ups have decided to allow you to use a more complete catalog."
"Does that change things?" Zoe asked, biting her lip nervously.
"Oh, heavens, yes," Violetta replied. "First, let me explain what Taylor already signed you up for." She tapped her tablet before saying, "Under the original contract, you would each have thirty-eight credits to start with. Taylor signed you up for the bare essentials for a long, healthy life." She looked over the page again and quirked an eyebrow. "She also signed you up for the Water Chamber punishment, which seems a bit out of character for her."
Ash grinned. "Oh, it's because she wants us to be able to breathe if the worst happens and Leviathan tries to drown us or something."
"I...guess that makes sense," Violetta agreed shakily. She coughed as she recomposed herself. "Unfortunately, under the new contract, you will be starting with eight credits, due to some differences in pricing." The girls were obviously upset at that, so she held up a hand and added, "Now, before you start arguing, the new contract will be better for you, and we've already received permission to replace your education option from the Entertainment section with the School job, which will have you starting with the original thirty eight credits and you'll also receive educational credit for the work you do should you decide to live at least partially on Earth Bet."
"That's… probably worth it," Zoe agreed, looking over at her sister.
"It'd make things easier for Dad when we get there," Ash agreed. "I say go for it."
"Agreed." Looking over to Violetta, Zoe asked, "Where should we go from here?"
"Well, as it currently stands, unless one of the other roommates decides to bring something with them, you will be stuck wearing Taylor's clothing, which probably won't fit you, and eating baby food."
Zoe and Ash wrinkled their noses in disgust. "No thanks," they said in unison.
Looking at her sister, Ash asked, "Food?"
Zoe nodded and stated, "Clothes."
Looking between the two, Violetta asked, "Which do you want to start with?"
The two girls had a brief staring contest before Zoe sighed while Ash did a little dance. "We'll start with the food."
"What caused that mana wave?" Emperor Malik demanded of his Field Marshall. A massive wave of mana had blasted through his outer sanctum only an hour before. While nothing seemed damaged, all of the mana detection devices were sounding their shrill alarms. If they weren't shut down soon, he knew he would soon have a pounding headache. He was already getting worried about his hearing. "Are we under attack?"
"I am not sure, My Liege," Field Marshall Asmodeus answered promptly. "We will be putting our forces on high alert until we know for sure."
"Do that," Emperor Malik ordered. "We are going to be essentially blind until the mana detectors can be deactivated and re-calibrated. I nearly saw that." Settling down into his throne, he added, "I want you to step up patrols and send out more scouts as well. We need to know what happened and if it can be done again." He paused for a moment before asking, "Other than our mana detectors, has there been any damage or casualties?"
"If you will pardon me for a moment, My Liege, I will find the most up to date information on that," Asmodeus said. "However, as of the last time I checked, half an hour ago, the only damage has been to devices unusually sensitive to mana surges, and most of those had adequate shielding to withstand the mana wave. We estimate about two percent of our sensitive equipment, that which was currently undergoing maintenance, was affected. There were only five casualties, where engineers were actively working on components that exploded with the surge. There were no fatalities, though one of the technicians will never see again."
Malik sighed. "Make sure he is compensated accordingly and see about getting shielding on the entire maintenance depots. Maybe something portable as well."
"It will be done," Asmodeus intoned.
"Has this seriously delayed my plans?"
"No, My Liege," Asmodeus answered. "We built in a margin for unexpected events. It would take something far greater than a mere mana fluctuation, even at larger magnitudes than we just experienced, to slow our preparations."
"Good," Malik replied. "You are dismissed. I expect a detailed report on damages, casualties, and proposed countermeasures in the morning."
"Yes, My Liege," the Field Marshall said before he turned, making his way out of the inner sanctum. He had much paperwork to do and not much time to do it in.
Violetta nodded as she made the final notation on her tablet. "That takes care of the clothing and food. And you're only one credit in the red." Looking over the tablet, she added, "Which nicely segues into the next topic. A lot of people try to go into what you can get out of the run first. I prefer to start with what you're willing to pay. Then you know what you have to work with before you need to start making any of the hard choices."
Once again, the girls shared a look before Ash asked, "What did you have in mind?"
"I figured we could start with the most unpleasant topic," Violetta began. "Punishments."
"Can we see what Taylor picked?" Zoe requested. "It might give us some ideas."
"Certainly," their helper agreed, pulling up the relevant section. "Here you go. Just keep in mind that she was working with a much more limited form, so she may have picked some things she otherwise wouldn't have."
The girls looked the form over and winced. "Oh, she did not think that one through," Ash opined.
"Definitely not," Zoe agreed. "Think we should take that one as well? For moral support?"
Ash nodded. "That was my thought, as well. Maybe it won't be as bad if we're all on display together." Pointing at another punishment, "And we should probably travel around with her as well." Looking even further down the list, she asked, "Wait… shouldn't we already be signed up for Tentacles? We're sharing a small apartment, right?"
"There is nothing small about where you'll be living," Violetta said. "Though I do agree with your assessment. It should be safe enough to sign up for that. Even if they decide to give each of you your own tentacle pit, it won't be any more dangerous than you were already expecting."
"Some of the other punishments look pretty amusing," Zoe noted, once they'd returned to the main punishment menu. "Especially with the controller options. Would we need our own AI, or could any AI controlled options be handled by Taylor's?"
"I'll have to check," Violetta replied, pulling out a cell phone. "Keep looking through there and make note of anything you find interesting. I'll look up the answer for you."
"Thanks," Ash said as she quickly flicked through the available options. Nudging her sister in the side, she asked, "What do you think about this one?"
Velma Platt stepped out of the Slut Life provided car and looked at the large house. "This is not an apartment," she noted cautiously.
"Ah, yes," her driver, a tall, thin man who had introduced himself only as Jenkins began, having also exited the vehicle to start retrieving her bags. "From my understanding, someone put in and paid for an upgrade order. Each of you should be able to have your own deluxe bedroom, rather than needing to at the very least double up."
"That's nice," Velma replied, a bit faintly. She looked around the front of the house for a moment. There weren't any lights on, despite it being early evening, and all of the blinds were open, showing no movement inside. Cautiously, she asked, "Has anyone else arrived yet?"
Jenkins shook his head. "No, you're the first to arrive, though I understand most of the others should be arriving over the course of the next day or so. They're planning on having the meet and greet with everyone in two days and will be starting the show the next day."
"That quickly?" Velma asked in shock. "I thought they'd at least give us a few days to get used to each other."
Jenkins shrugged. "The polls show that the audience likes to watch all the awkward getting-to-know-you bits, so we try to minimize how long you have to work out any issues before we start filming live. Of course, that mostly applies to the contestant. If the roommates are squabbling enough, it detracts from the other aspects of the show. That said, we are still filming before then for promotional purposes."
"I see," Velma lied. "Anyway, we might as well stop standing out here. Let's get my stuff inside. Do you know if we have assigned rooms already, or is it first come first serve?"
"From setting up previous roommates in the past," Jenkins began, "it changes from show to show. Some have assigned sleeping quarters while others rotate rooms based on any number of factors. Until that is worked out, I recommend unpacking the bare minimum you need for the next few days, in case there's a reason you need to set up the rooms differently. Then again, the viewers love drama, and there are plenty of rooms available, so you should feel free to stake one out as your own."
"I'll keep that in mind, thanks," Velma said as she grabbed a few of her lighter bags. "Now, come on, let's get this stuff inside."
"All set with the punishments?" Violetta asked, as the girls pushed the tablet away again. They nodded, so she continued, "Why don't we take a look at the jobs next? You don't actually need any, but you might want some spending money beyond what Taylor gives you or to make a nice nest egg for after the show ends. From the sounds of things, especially with the choices Taylor made for you, she plans on having you stay around, so you might not need that nest egg, but it's always nice to have, right?"
Zoe and Ash exchanged looks, taking that advice to heart and silently agreeing to go into the same jobs unless something really cool was available that one wanted but the other would hate. "Show us what you've got," Ash said leadingly.
"Certainly," Violetta replied. "Now, the jobs range in credits from five credits for an hour of work up to forty credits for six hours of work, though I doubt your sister would appreciate either of you becoming a porn star, based off of what I've read about her."
"Probably not," Zoe agreed. "Anything else we should know before we get started?"
"Yes, actually," their helper began. "You're already signed up to go to school, and that'll take six hours out of your schedule already, so you can only take up to another ten hours worth of jobs. You can also make your school experience more… trying… in order to get more credits for it."
"Yeah..." Ash hedged.
"I think we'll skip that," Zoe concluded. "We've got enough memories of what Taylor went through without adding our own, thanks."
"That's perfectly understandable. Now, would you like me to explain each job, or would you like to just browse them?"
"I think we're fine just browsing," Ash replied.
"But we'll ask you if we have any questions," Zoe added before both girls turned to the tablet again.
Henrietta Womack watched in near giddy excitement as the first of her new neighbors arrived. There was a new contestant in the area, and that meant new sources of materials for her. "Ooh, I can hardly wait," she crooned to herself.
There was a general misconception among non-alchemists, that all fluids, especially sexual ones, were the same, regardless of who they came from. Nothing could be further from the truth. Each individual had their own potential, their own little quirks, that made their fluids better in some potions than in others.
This just led to another reason she was so excited about her new neighbors. She would be getting six of them at once, and if she could convince all of them to contribute materials, then she should have a wide range of options when it came to expanding her craft.
That wasn't even counting the benefits of having an insect controller nearby. Alphonse Flemal on SLO had been right about that. There were certain secretions that were nearly impossible to acquire in any meaningful amount without painstakingly distilling it from hundreds of samples that could, theoretically, be milked from insects.
"Oh, I need to make sure I have enough bottles and extractors ready," Henry muttered to herself distractedly, turning away from the window. While all of her new neighbors could share extractors, it would cause a small amount of contamination, which she would either need to remove or otherwise account for. Using dedicated extractors for each of them, on the other hand, would keep the samples pure. "So much to do, so little time," she complained, making her way to her storage area.
She'd need to load up a cart to bring her supplies over. Once she got the first few samples and could see what she would be working with, she would determine how much credit each sample would be worth. Once she had that in hand, she could provide them with a price list for her various wares. She'd also need to see about contacting Slut Life over the marketing rights. Having her products officially associated with a specific contestant would only improve her sales, after all.
"I think that's good for now," Zoe said as she pushed the tablet back towards Violetta.
"We can always come back if we need more credits," Ashley added. "What's next on the list?"
"Next we have the owners," Violetta said. "They're good for filling up time if you're looking for something to do, but they can also be very demanding and don't provide very many credits, proportionally, unless you get some of the more strict ones. A lot of them will also demand to have sex with you, so keep that in mind if you decide you want any owners. I usually recommend them for the end when you're trying to make up any deficits."
"That sounds like a good idea," Zoe replied. "We definitely don't need to be rushing in to things."
"And I'd like to have at least some free time," Ash added. "From what it looks like, Taylor will be lucky to be able to sit down for more than a few minutes at a time."
"There is that," Violetta acknowledged. "Of course, since you don't need to worry about a number of things your sister did, you can also avoid a lot of the more onerous issues."
"Right," Zoe said, shaking off a slightly glazed look. "Are there any other sections we can go through to get points or are we pretty much done with them?"
"There's a few more," Violetta answered, "but most of the only other sections I can think of are the Time Adjustments, which you aren't eligible for, since Taylor didn't take any, and the Experimental Drugs, and then only if you get either mandatory injections or have them become permanent. You can also have the drugs' release be controlled, but that'll start costing you credits. It'll still be a net gain, though."
Ash sighed. "I don't think we'll be interested, but we might as well take a look, right?" Zoe nodded her agreement.
The girls took a moment to look through the various drugs available before Zoe looked up and asked, "Why would we want to take any of these?"
"I mean," Ash continued, "I could see the strength booster, and maybe the stamina booster, being useful, but 'might include a loss of strength?' What's with that? It doesn't even say how common the side effects are!"
Violetta shrugged. "I don't really know how the different drugs work. You'd need to ask a scientist about that."
"All of the side effects are awful," Zoe agreed. "I don't think I want to risk any of them."
"Same here," Ash concurred. "Got anything else?"
"A couple of the body mods grant credits, as do a couple of the entertainment options, but other than that? Not really," Violetta admitted. Shrugging, she continued, "We might as well start with a part of the contract I think your sister overlooked: Health and Hygiene. Now, she may have just been sparing you additional points, since you'll be getting basic healthcare and you can use her supply of the essentials, but you may be interested in the more advanced options."
Smaug grumbled to himself as he continued shoveling gold into one of the number of expanded trunks he kept for this purpose. He had forgotten one of the main reasons he had stopped participating on Slut Life a few years ago: moving was a bitch. It was fine when the contestants were assigned to a planet where he was already living, but far too often they liked to send them out to relatively new worlds, in the hopes of inspiring colonization.
That was all well and good, but Smaug wasn't a young dragon anymore, and his hoard had expanded substantially over the years, making packing and unpacking it a pain in the tail. Of course, he didn't really need to take his entire hoard, but he also didn't trust the young whippersnappers he had bested to become Taylor Hebert's owner to leave his lair alone over the course of a year. Younglings tended to be petty like that.
He really should have started packing more than a week ago, but he'd been preoccupied with coming up with new plans for Taylor, a number of which he'd practiced with his sex slave. And, while Kasumi had done a lot of packing over the last week, she couldn't really pack his hoard. Gold is rather heavy for humans, after all. So it was up to him to shovel his mounds of gold, silver, and gems into the waiting trunks.
He definitely wasn't going to be jumping straight into sex with Taylor. While he could, and was entitled to do so, the girl had had a hard enough of a life already without him adding to it by screwing her on the first day. Besides, he was a dragon. He knew how to be patient. He could at least wait until they'd gotten to know each other a bit better, and he had some ideas for activities that would let them learn about each other while still entertaining the audience. He also had plans for the favor Cindy owed him now, but that was for later as well.
He looked up in surprise when Kasumi came running into his hoard room. "Master," she called, lapsing into the subservient language she still used when emotional. "You need to come see this!"
"What is it, Kasumi?" Smaug asked, lowering his head to be closer to her level. She insisted she didn't mind when he towered over her, but he preferred being closer to her level.
"Your new contestant, Taylor just went through her empowerment ritual," Kasumi explained hurriedly.
"So they decided to do that tonight?" the dragon grumbled to himself. He would have appreciated getting a call, so he could watch it live, but he understood how busy things could get leading up to a show's start.
"Yes, and something went strange," Kasumi continued, gesturing for Smaug to follow her back to their living area. Just because he liked sleeping on gold didn't mean he was going to force Kasumi to, so he had set up a small side cave with comfortable seating, a nice bed, and a television for her, though he did have to admit to enjoying the television as well.
Shaking his long length out, he began following her. If she was going to interrupt him like that, it was probably something important, especially since she was still wearing her normal clothes. "What happened," he asked as he made his way into the thoroughly stripped room. Everything, other than one chair and the television, had already been packed, the boxes stacked in the corner waiting to be picked up.
"I'm not sure," Kasumi replied as she fiddled with the remote to start the segment over. "They decided to try something new, and, well..." She let the video play, watching silently as the empowerment went out of control, until everything faded to white.
Smaug blinked in surprise. "That's definitely not normal," he commented. "Can you give Cindy a call? She should know, or at least be able to find out, what happened and if Taylor is alright."
"I can do that," Kasumi said with a nod. "I take it you want to get back to your packing?"
Smaug winced at the mild rebuke. "Yes," he finally said. "You were right, I shouldn't have kept putting it off."
Kasumi nodded again. "You get back to that. I'll give Cindy-chan a call."
"Now that you have your healthcare set, what do you want to look at next?" Violetta asked. "Body mods or entertainment options? I recommend starting with the body mods, but it's up to you."
Zoe and Ash nodded. "Are there any you recommend?" Zoe asked.
"Well, Menstruation Control, Easy Pregnancy, and Healthy Babies are always a good start," Violetta explained. "Most of the girls going through grab those, even if they're keeping everything else pretty much stock. And there's a few combinations that'll give you additional credits without any major downsides."
"Anything else we should know?" Ash asked. "Anything we can't take, or anything like that?"
"Since you're defaulted to New Body, there aren't any restrictions," Violetta stated. "Strictly speaking, you aren't actually done being grown yet, so we can still add anything you want before we decant you."
Zoe blinked. "We're still in a tank somewhere?" she asked, looking around the plain but obviously real room.
"We temporarily uploaded your minds into a virtual office," Violetta explained. "Once we're done here, we'll unplug you and finish your modifications and the last of your growth."
"Does it let us model changes before we get them?" Ash asked excitedly.
"That is one of the purposes for using this setup," Violetta confirmed. "Your current appearance is what our predictive software says you will look like should no further changes be made."
"Neat!" Ash cheered. "I'm going to try all the things!"
"Please keep in mind that not all of the modifications are physically apparent," Violetta cautioned. "And sensations will be at least somewhat dampened, as the inputs are simulated."
"That's no fun," Ash pouted while Zoe patted her back consolingly.
"There, there, we can still have fun," Zoe said placatingly. "Now, why don't we start by seeing how we'd look with all the boobs?" She poked at the tablet's screen a few times before asking, "How do we get the preview to work?"
The newly minted magical girl looked over her form in surprise. When she had accepted the magic into her body, this was definitely not what she was expecting to happen. Judging by her hands, she was much smaller than she had expected. Still, that shouldn't be anything too difficult to adjust to.
Looking around, she was greeted by a wholly unexpected landscape. As far as she could see, from horizon to horizon, the land was flat and cracked. Here and there she could make out what looked like the flattened remains of what could have been a rock, a tree, or something else entirely. It was very obvious that the only living things within miles of her location were herself and her familiar, which had just appeared next to her.
Looking up revealed a sky covered in roiling yellow clouds. The sun was shining through them, but it was being diffused into a hazy, dim circle in the sky. The clouds were also beginning to spiral, indicating that a powerful storm was about to erupt. The wind was also starting to pick up, swirling loose sand and grit into the air. Staying for the storm looked like an increasingly uncomfortable option.
She took a moment to look at the tome that appeared in her left hand as she called for it, the tool ready to lend its aid in casting the spells it contained. A quick look showed that none of the three spells in it would be of any great use. Closing the book, she allowed it to close and dissipate before looking up at the darkening sky above. The clouds had darkened considerably already, and the first drops of rain could be seen falling in the distance.
Deciding it was time to leave, before the storm could break, the magical girl concentrated, her outfit shimmering for several seconds as it changed in both coloring and design. With a nod, she lifted her hands and began crafting the spell. Slowly, a gateway formed in front of her, breaching reality between her location and her intended destination. Finally, once it had formed, she stooped down, scooping her familiar into her arms, and strode through the gate, allowing it to close behind her.
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RageKnight
My heresy senses are tingling
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This has gone so far off the rails I forgot what the original plot was.
D'znn-Xy'lll MetaChthonia
⌈META⌋
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Huh, the Dark Lord seems very reasonable and logical. Reminds me of Beryl from Beautiful Destroyer Sailor Moon.
Any chance they could choose Insect Queen given Taylor couldn't? Also can an Insect Queen be a Roommate? Also what (if anything) is stopping Slut Life from signing on humanoid Insects (if they encounter any that do Hentai Biology style Reproduction) and would Velma be first in line for being their Incubator?
Wonder if he's separating them by materials? They're all still a bunch of useless shiney rocks so being bedding for a dragon actually is giving them an actual use for once. Dragons also collect relics and magical items, is he bringing those as well if he has them? Because that's a third case. Does he have any other shiney things? Dragons don't normally care as long as it's shiney, important, and/or magical but this is a Sapient dragon so does he care? Does he collect books as well? Knowledge is far more valuable then Gold and Silver, its Value is Intrinsic and Inviolable unlike Gold or Silver!
There was no Canon Plot to Derail from to start with. It started with The Locker and Derailed from there.
Fragment off
Getting sticky.
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Grmbl....
*Taylor is alive somewhere, she took the book and warp S... Now lest go see a little slice of life about Taylor's new sisters and a contract choice sequence again ... Also it Cutie arrived first, it was Not the evil dude who did it and there is a Neighbors alchemist... I think Smaug appeared too*
I feel frustrated. I understand You need to start showing some characters... but doing just after a cliffhanger...
We don't even learn that much, just that the two sisters are supportive twins.
It just feel like you wanted to show thing are happening around too, but didn't know when to put them, so you put them at the last moment before thing start coming together.
If next chapter (In which I Hope we will finally see what happened around The ritual beyond *Taylor is alive and got her magic*) was already here I know It would have gone much better for me.
But ... It's the fact that there was effervescence in the chapter just before and now The whiplash with Taylor being somewhere she doesn't know and just shrugging it off and we go on to the contract part and other slice of life as if nothing had happen.
*Taylor is alive somewhere, she took the book and warp S... Now lest go see a little slice of life about Taylor's new sisters and a contract choice sequence again ... Also it Cutie arrived first, it was Not the evil dude who did it and there is a Neighbors alchemist... I think Smaug appeared too*
I feel frustrated. I understand You need to start showing some characters... but doing just after a cliffhanger...
We don't even learn that much, just that the two sisters are supportive twins.
It just feel like you wanted to show thing are happening around too, but didn't know when to put them, so you put them at the last moment before thing start coming together.
If next chapter (In which I Hope we will finally see what happened around The ritual beyond *Taylor is alive and got her magic*) was already here I know It would have gone much better for me.
But ... It's the fact that there was effervescence in the chapter just before and now The whiplash with Taylor being somewhere she doesn't know and just shrugging it off and we go on to the contract part and other slice of life as if nothing had happen.
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RageKnight
My heresy senses are tingling
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no shit. I was talking about derailed from whatever i thought the plot of THIS story was.
Jonakhensu
I trust you know where the happy button is?
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The original plot is that Taylor winds up taking part in a reality television program called "Slut Life." Since she, and others, are currently preparing for her show to start, the plot is still firmly on the rails.
It turns out that writing an evil overlord who doesn't give any sort of a damn about his minions or the state of his operations is surprisingly hard for me. Then again, it's probably better if he isn't one dimensional.
Insect Queens cannot be your roommate and your Owner at the same time (Currently). They may be able to rent a room from you, however. There's several different ways to get humanoid insects on the show, from 'pets' to owners to contestants.
Taylor has been using a massively simplified and minimal set of options compared to the current (either the static or working) version of the Slut Life CYOA I'm using. If you want to get a look at some of the more interesting things you might be able to pull off, there's a link to it in the first post of the thread.
At this point? He's basically scooping everything into magical trunks. It'd take far too long to get everything separated nicely. That's what happens when you wait for the last minute to pack.
As for magical items, works of art, books, etc., Kasumi took care of packing almost everything else. It's just that piling gold, silver, gems, etc into a couple of crates is heavy lifting that Smaug wouldn't expect her to do.
Maybe? I like to think there was, at least.
Sorry about that. At least part of it was me being intentionally mean. Needing to have the sisters do their bit was just a happy coincidence.
Next chapter should answer a lot more questions than this one did.
Fencer
Weaponized Randomness
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no names are mentioned... there is a destinct lack of sniper rifle... Character in question is shockingly fine with being smaller than expected.... local scenary is squashed flat... immediatly jumps to another dimension to presumably join the rest of the cast... perverts of all genders and ages I believe we have just met Magical Girl Queen Administrator-chan.
Edit: Also author continues to torture the audiance with what is now destined to be a month long cliffhanger. Heaven only knows what sick and twisted pleasure he will derive from our misery when it comes to Taylor's first fight or sex scene.
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SystemSearcher
"I fought the door and the door won"
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I don´t think that was Taylor.
Komrade Comrade
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I can't think of anything else it might be, especially opening that portal without the magic book. Maybe Taylor's subconscious is directing QA, or she's unconscious and being puppeted by QA? Maybe QA spawned it's own Zion like avatar and that got empowered? A third party that interfered with/was created by/was pulled into the ritual? A hallucination or vision into the past/future? Something something Magic Endbringer?
...I guess I can think of a few things, but it's probably magical girl QA.
CrimsonFate
Versed in the lewd.
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I wonder what would happen Taylor and her clones were connected on a more spiritual level? Would they share the same powers and also would they somewhat connected to QA if they were.
january1may
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Come to think of it, what's up with the "memories from the primary contestant" thing? Did the other two girls get a copy of Taylor's memories? That's not how I recall the Siblings system to work...
Jonakhensu
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Spirituality doesn't really come into it when it comes to Shards. If the clones are physically and/or mentally close enough to the original, the shard can probably latch on. That was the entire basis of the Slaughterhouse 9000 arc, right?
How are you expected to be a good sibling if you don't have any memories of your time growing up with your siblings? The actual process for making siblings isn't defined, and I feel having an idea what your sibling's life was like (when memory implantation is as easy as it is in Slut Life) only makes sense. If nothing else, it'll make it easier to tease the contestant, which should be good for ratings.
Tortoise
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were
Add comma at "arms, and"
Add comma at "unison, and"
girls'
to breathe
at
just "based off what"
interested in
Jonakhensu
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Thanks. The weird thing is... I'm sure I corrected at least one of them during my final proofread. Then again, I might have only corrected half of it and missed the second half.
owrtho
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I'd suspect that the process would involve taking the memories of the contestant, adjusting the perspective to that of an outside observe, then having a program or AI go through them and remove memories that don't fit for a sibling to be there, along with removing a random selection of memories to simulate the sibling and contestant having not been conjoined at the hip. After that, gaps would be filled in with some procedurally selected assortment of stock/generated memories to help round things out and make them more their own person.
owrtho
january1may
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That plus some simulations based on recordings of the contestant's world to help with the "gaps" where they wouldn't be around is basically what I imagined. Not an outright copy of the contestant's memories, but a special generated version of "what would they actually remember if they were the contestant's siblings".
I just wasn't sure how it could be described as "memories from the primary contestant", which sounded like, well, something more direct than that.
In retrospect, I probably just didn't immediately realize that a faithful simulation of "what if the contestant had siblings" would almost certainly veer off into unrecognizability early enough to be useless, requiring a more carefully produced version that would lean on the contestant's memories significantly.
Sleepyfoo
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So, Narrative notes. Boo for not resolving the cliffhanger. Also, I feel most of these vignettes in this chapter could either easily be skipped entirely (excepting maybe your evil overlord bit, and probably the magical girl bit) or would be better told from taylor's perspective/shown as part of taylor getting to know her owner/roommates/neighbors. Especially as you explicitly mentioned Slut Life finds those bits in particular to be of interest to their audience. In essence, most of these vignettes and several from previous chapters are ultimately either redundant, will result in us skipping significant bits of taylor getting settled in, or used for dramatic irony, one way or the other. Unless I missed an awful lot of foreshadowing (and even if I missed a good bit of foreshadowing) most of this chapter was, narratively speaking, out of place.
The only really new bits in the whole chapter were smaug actively planning to seduce taylor, and the magical girl mystery. The sister bits would definitely be better shown via taylor getting to know her new siblings/owners, and the set up for differences could just as easily been implied by them existing when they first met Taylor in the first place. Plus, breaking up that scene with the other bits made it more annoying to read than I think the whole scene in one go would have been, though I do acknowledge the it would have been a slog without it. In short, this was a wasted chapter. The descriptions were good, it flowed well for itself (except the break ups of the sister bits), it was well written. But even without the cliffhanger, this felt like substance-less filler.
That said, time for speculation on what did happen this chapter. Magical Girl Option 1) QA his now a unclear sized magical girl, and she considers Taylor her familiar. Option 2) Taylor and QA merged into a magical girl of unspecified size, and we've got a whole new ballgame going on, though that leaves the familiar a mystery due to lack of previous mention. Magical Girl Option 3) the ritual was hijacked by something completely different, and we saw the end result for it. I consider that very unlikely given the general amount of foreshadowing going on everywhere and prior author comments. Magical Girl Option 4) QA is currently piloting Taylor around, somewhere, as a result of the ritual. And Magical Girl Option 5) that was Taylor, she's somewhere, and dealing with it admirably. And is much more competent with her magic than expected. Admittedly, QA is surprisingly competent with magic if it's QA, but shards are bullshit, so whatever.
That probably came across harsher than intended. I am enjoying this story and looking forward to more.
The only really new bits in the whole chapter were smaug actively planning to seduce taylor, and the magical girl mystery. The sister bits would definitely be better shown via taylor getting to know her new siblings/owners, and the set up for differences could just as easily been implied by them existing when they first met Taylor in the first place. Plus, breaking up that scene with the other bits made it more annoying to read than I think the whole scene in one go would have been, though I do acknowledge the it would have been a slog without it. In short, this was a wasted chapter. The descriptions were good, it flowed well for itself (except the break ups of the sister bits), it was well written. But even without the cliffhanger, this felt like substance-less filler.
That said, time for speculation on what did happen this chapter. Magical Girl Option 1) QA his now a unclear sized magical girl, and she considers Taylor her familiar. Option 2) Taylor and QA merged into a magical girl of unspecified size, and we've got a whole new ballgame going on, though that leaves the familiar a mystery due to lack of previous mention. Magical Girl Option 3) the ritual was hijacked by something completely different, and we saw the end result for it. I consider that very unlikely given the general amount of foreshadowing going on everywhere and prior author comments. Magical Girl Option 4) QA is currently piloting Taylor around, somewhere, as a result of the ritual. And Magical Girl Option 5) that was Taylor, she's somewhere, and dealing with it admirably. And is much more competent with her magic than expected. Admittedly, QA is surprisingly competent with magic if it's QA, but shards are bullshit, so whatever.
That probably came across harsher than intended. I am enjoying this story and looking forward to more.
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MissileTeatime
By the power of Vaporware!
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I think there would be less complaining about cliffhanger-y-ness and pacing in this chapter if the magical girl segment came at the end.
In particular:
- I spent the entire chapter waiting for the next magical girl segment, as soon as I noticed that the magical girl segment was trying-to-be-ambiguous-but-very-likely-not-Taylor
- The first time I saw the twins, I thought they might be Taylor. Like, did she get duplicated somehow? No, it's just the siblings option.
- Framed as part of the above suggestion, Smaug's segment would be great build-up to having the magical girl segment as the last in the chapter
In particular:
- I spent the entire chapter waiting for the next magical girl segment, as soon as I noticed that the magical girl segment was trying-to-be-ambiguous-but-very-likely-not-Taylor
- The first time I saw the twins, I thought they might be Taylor. Like, did she get duplicated somehow? No, it's just the siblings option.
- Framed as part of the above suggestion, Smaug's segment would be great build-up to having the magical girl segment as the last in the chapter
Jonakhensu
I trust you know where the happy button is?
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Just a bit harsh, though I see what you mean, somewhat. If this were a plot/action-driven story I'd probably even agree wholeheartedly, but I'm currently focusing a lot on world building and character development.
As for skipping out on Taylor discovering things and issues from personality conflicts? That should still happen. They aren't going to be given that much time to settle in before everything starts up.
That may have helped. I'll admit to not being the best judge of what segment is best where, beyond 'is this section more or less where it should be chronologically.'
It probably also doesn't help that this was basically the first half of the original chapter, which grew too large to be a single chapter. So... poll time. Should I wait until my usual posting day to post the next chapter or should I post it a week early and have a longer break before the chapter after it (in order to return to my normal posting schedule)? I guarantee the next chapter does not end in a cliffhanger.