Cu-nosuba: God’s Blessing on This Lancer’s Holy Grail War!

[Davos]

Jeanne returns to the summoning room with a smile.

An overweight blonde man hesitates before approaching her, not able to look her in her dual colored eyes for long.

"Hello miss, my name is Goredolf, w-would you like a tour of the facilities and-"

"Pardon me, but I would like to return to Romania." Jeanne says.

"I am unsure you should go back on account of your earlier…venting."

"I appreciate the concern, but I would appreciate it more if you send me back. I am not quite finished venting yet, and the fact you remind me of someone there…isn't helping my thinning patience." Jeanne says, the yellow in her eyes flickering over the blue portions a moment.

'Great…another version of that alternate Jeanne…Though not quite?' Goredolf thinks before showing her to the teleportation circle along with Mash and Atalanta.

"I'm surprised you aren't going in first." Emiya says.

"I am tempted, but they have more personal reasons driving them and I know not to stand in the way of angry women." Scathach says, drawing a chuckle from Emiya. His amusement dies from an instant glare.

"Apologies, I just never expected you to be wary of angry women after hearing some of your accomplishments."

"I am brave, not foolish." Scathach says before steeping into the circle and waits.

"I don't think I'll be going. Lancelot did not waste any time after I told that one story…"

"I know, but the fact you made Gilgamesh faint from shock is reason enough to drag you back. And you are not as bad in a fight as I recall."

"As much as I appreciate the praise from a warrior such as yourself, I would be dead weight in my current-" Emiya stops when he catches a water bottle thrown at his head.

"I learned to reverse causality and became immortal, meeting various Gods. You think that blue braggart's water spells is beyond me?"

"Not when you put it like that…" He says before drinking, his wounds and fatigue fading.

"Though I admit I never expected it to have such an effect on Servants…For extra motivation, you should know I have a rune that takes visual recordings. I'll let you guess the contents of some of the more amusing recordings."

"Would it be possible to have copies of those recordings?"

"I'll consider it based on how well you perform." She says with a smile, making Emiya smile back.

Cu Chulainn meanwhile is puzzled by an intense feeling of dread.

'…What is causing this…?!' He thinks before shaking his head and returning to Kazuma's side along with Jack. Then they see Lancelot.

'…Well…crap.

'

===

Darnic and Amakusa continue running away before seeing Fiore look into the sky from a nearby balcony.

"Fiore! It is good you are still alive! We require you're help with something…" Darnic says, trailing off when Fiore turns, her eyes closed, a smile on her face, and a subtle sway in her step as she approaches.

'She seems…different…small matter. With her wheelchair she should be able to distract that deranged blonde.' Darnic thinks with a smile that lowers as Fiore gets closer.

"I'm more than willing to help you Grandfather…~." She says in a tone that makes Darnic lean back.

"…Why do you sound so…odd Fiore? We're you hit with a curse or stray attack? You sound like that Irishman… And where is Chiron?"

"That man ran away…But I'm sure you'll do more than fine as a replacement."

"…What?" Darnic asks.

"Oh Lord…" Amakusa mutters in shock.

"Don't worry…You can join in too father, two is more than fine…or should I say daddy?"

Amakusa and Darnic look on in shock.

'Not the young woman I wanted to act this way…Wonder if Tohsaka is behaving this way too?' Darnic thinks with a momentary grin before righting himself. Amakusa caught that grin, now looking at him in sheer disdain.

"I knew you we're going to Hell before, but I could have gone without knowing the extent of your depravity…"

"This is not my fault! I have no idea what happened! She is never like this!"

"I can show you more surprises…there is an empty room nearby~."

'…I miss Semiramis…' Amakusa thinks while fighting the growing need to gag.

"What has gotten into you?!" Darnic shouts.

"Nothing yet and that is the issue~." Fiore says while stepping closer, opening one eye before winking.

Amakusa and Darnic groan in harmony while stepping back.

They groan again when they her footsteps.

They look to each other and nod as Darkness turns the corner.

"Unfortunately we cannot…this woman is preventing us!" Darnic says.

"Indeed…her constitution and will are beyond us to mount any resistance…that depraved thing may need a woman's touch." Amakusa adds.

"I am not a depraved thing!...b-but I can't say I hate being referred to as such every once in a while…~." Darkness says with a fidget before noticing Fiore approach while cracking her knuckles.

"Do you really believe you can stop me?" Darkness asks while cracking her own knuckles.

"I know I can destroy you, one handful at a time~." Fiore says, still smiling even as Darkness grabs her head with shocking speed. Fiore grips Darkness wrist.

"My, what bold words; Do you know I knocked out a Saber's teeth mere minutes a-AH!" Darkness shouts in surprise as a pop is heard at her wrist, her hand going limp as she pulls back.

"Heh…Your wrists are nothing to the nuts I crack for fun and nourishment!" Fiore says, making Amakusa stare in disgust at Darnic and raise a knife.

"She's talking about walnuts and other such hard shells that usually require a nut cracker." Darnic says with a sigh.

"Sure she is…" Amakusa says before paling along with Darnic as Darkness fixes her wrist with a smile and a moan.

'This woman must be a berserker…!' Amakusa thinks with a frown.

"You'll…do fine as a warm up~."

"Right back at you~!" Fiore says.

'…Maybe I need to name a new successor? Caelus, milquetoast as he is, would never be this swayed by lust…I think.' Darnic thinks in minor terror as they approach each other.

Darnic and Amakusa leave while they are distracted.

"So depraved…"

"I would think you would be happier with this development…priest~." Darnic says with a grin, making a vein appear on Amakusa's head.



===

"Please…I need a few huh?" Fran says, before gasping.

"I…I can speak?! But how?!" She asks aloud before shuddering as he continues, the wall of the shed threatening to give way.

"You won't be for long~." Caelus says, making Fran bite her lips in a smile.

"Oh…Oh~."



===



Gilgamesh pushes himself up from the ground, the taste of bile threatening to escape his mouth.

'That damn Faker…Ruining my mood twice now! And with such a horrible tale too…Saber would never willingly do that without training and consistent punishment. It has to be a lie!' Gilgamesh thinks before taking out two tonics from his treasury, handing one to a near comatose Shirou. They drink and recover, standing up and surveying the battle field.

They do not like most of what they see.

Lancelot fighting Artoria, Mordred, and Cu…and winning.

Semiramis stands up and looks for Amakusa, not liking his absence.

"…What is that on the mad dog's hip?"

"King Arthur's sheath…he is now virtually immortal."

"As if he wasn't enough of an issue before…but we must save the Sabers…!" Gilgamesh says, only to be met with silence.

"I'm not going to ask about Semiramis given the state Artoria left her in some time ago, but you Shirou?"

"I'm not against training them, but at this point it is far too risky with Lancelot… Might be better to let that dream go."

"Nonsense! What is life without dreams and joy!?"

'I think he lost some brains after becoming a Saber…surely this young man can talk him into a reasonable plan of-' Semiramis starts to think until Shirou clenches a fist with a tear in his eye.

"You're absolutely right!"

'Never mind, he's also an idiot…' Semiramis thinks with a frown before speaking.

"So you have a way to counter Lancelot?"

Both remain silent as three silhouettes appear near Ritsuka. Mash, Jeanne, and Atalanta appear as all three Sabers are pushed aside.

"…I have no idea what we can do as a plan…" Kazuma says with a pale face as Lancelot approaches but stops.

Mash steps forward with a scowl.

"Just how long do you plan to be a raving lunatic?"

Lancelot steps back, his darkened aura fading. Jeanne looks in shock.

"He's…a regular berserker again…"

"…What the Hell? Why is he scared of her?" Kazuma asks.

"Long story short, she is part Servant, and the Servant in question is Galahad." Ritsuka says with a shit eater grin.

"Galahad being?"

"Son of Lancelot." Rin says.

Kazuma looks once more at Mash, noting the curves and skimpy outfit in shock.

"The outfit's not from Galahad." Ritsuka says with a smile.

"…I'm not surprised." Kazuma says.

"Funnily enough, not from me either…but boy did it inspire me~." Ritsuka says as Medea takes another picture.

"Delete that picture or you're next."

Medea weighs her options.

She frowns when Lancelot looks at her.

She starts deleting it when Lancelot approaches.

"You will show proper respect you w-" Lancelot stops as he takes a shield to the helm, sending him flying.

"Excellent work Galahad." Artoria says now looking at Kazuma.

"You're next." Mash says, making Artoria and Mordred turn and look in shock.

"What?!" Mordred asks.

"What did I do?!" Artoria asks, drawing flat looks from Kazuma, Rin, and Jeanne. Even Cu is credulous.

"Where do you want to begin?" Shirou shouts, drawing a flat sigh from Gilgamesh.

'Not even I can defend her actions with regards to Shirou…' Gilgamesh thinks before scowling at Semiramis who sends a beast toward Artoria, and she cuts it one motion.

Karna giggles from the floor, forgotten.

Mordred the Robin chirps furiously, forgetting human speech as she hops on Servant Kazuma's head.

"To her!" Artoria adds pointing to Mash.

"You probably did something to make father this way!" Mash shouts back, making Lancelot create a strange noise as he falls to the floor.

"I did no such thing!"

"You lie! You lie as often you bweath you tyrant!" Mordred the Robin chirps out.

"She's not though…" Karna says from the floor, making Lancelot look up from the floor.

"What…?"

"Will you stop acting like a damn bell!?" Kazuma mutters at Karna.

"…Is that modern day slang?" Karna asks.

"So…it wasn't my king that said those horrible things…?"

"It wasn't. It was a spell from Kazuma to mimic my voice. I have no love for you Lancelot." Artoria says and Lancelot looks towards Karna.

"She's telling the truth."

"You bastard…" Kazuma says, looking at Karna.

"Least I'm not a liar." Karna says as Lancelot stands back up, his armor now turning purple. Ritsuka looks at the singularly list and gasps.

"A…a condition has just been unmet…but how?!"

"Because…I have once more become a Saber!" Lancelot proclaims with a fist at his heart and a smile on his face.

A smile that falls when a blade pierces through his chest.

"Lancelot?!" Artoria and Mordred shout at the same time.

"Father!" Mash shouts as Lancelot falls to the ground upon the blade being retracted from his torso.

Standing with a bloodied blade and a vacant stare is Mysterious Heroine X. She continues smiling a mirthless smile as she pulls the sheathe away from Lancelot's hip, tying it to her back.

Archer and Scathach appear.

'…Surprised this didn't happen sooner considering that kidnaping.' Emiya thinks before MHX looks at him, blade in each hand.

"All Sabers…must die…"

"I'm an Archer."

"Whose Noble Phantasm is nothing but swords!"

Ritsuka looks at the checklist. The condition that was unmet has been met again.

"…Jeanne?" Ritsuka asks.

"She's a berserker now…" Jeanne says as she walks over to Artoria.

MHX then looks at Kazuma as she approaches.

"…I'm a Caster…"

"For now. The other one was a Caster, and he was a berserker…it's only a matter of time." MHX says.

Jeanne places a hand on Artoria's shoulder.

"…What are you doing Saint?"

"I have a plan for your deranged sister."

"We are not related she is-" Artoria is unable to finish her refusal as she is thrown by Jeanne with all her strength. She manages to land on her feet.

Right in front of MHX.

"You truly are the King of Sabers! To face her all by yourself! Such courage! The age of never ending swords is sure to be realized with your victory in this fight!" Jeanne says with clasped hands in prayer, barely resisting the urge to smirk, even as Mordred raises her sword at the Saint.

'That unbelievable-!' Artoria thinks before hearing a low laugh and crack of knuckles. She readies Excalibur, ready for another fight as she turns to MHX. Only to see a shotgun pointed at her with blue wiring along the barrel, the end now glowing with a menacing shade of white as it is about to fire.

Artoria grimaces and braces herself.

'I know I caused this and bought this upon myself…but I do not regret this.' Artoria thinks before speaking.

"…How very Saber of you." Artoria says, making MHX's eye one eye turn gold as she pulls the trigger, the force of the sci fi gun sending her shattering her armor as she is sent flying through a wall. MHX instantly runs in pursuit. Mordred takes a moment, alternating between attacking Jeanne and helping Artoria. Mordred follows MHX.

The others look on in shock for a moment, Kazuma lingering on Jeanne.

'…Damn…Wonder if I can convince her to come to the other world?' Kazuma thinks before shaking his head.

'Na, Rin wouldn't go for that…And there is still one last issue…' Kazuma thinks as the issue steps forward, making a dozen spears appear with a laugh.



===



Amakusa and Darnic return to the main floor as Gilgamesh starts laughing manically.

They ignore him and look for the blue one, finding her behind a dozen Servants.

"We'll have to bide our time and create an opportunity to-"

"By my Command Seal-" Amakusa starts, Command Seals glowing on his back, making most everyone pale again or frown.

"You have no power over me priest, I-"

"Kill the blue thing!" He says, making Atalanta grimace as she turns to Aqua.

Karna groans weakly from the floor.

Gilgamesh laughs before angling his Gate towards a crying Aqua.

"I accept this request!" Gilgamesh says before glancing at Shirou who nods.

"Lurk," He says before vanishing as a dozen spears shoot out towards Aqua. She barely avoids them, in tears as some hit Atalanta.

"Big sis!" Jack says while trying to pull Atalanta away, only to be grabbed by her and thrown away as another barrage skewers her, making her vanish into golden sparkles.

Jack glares first at Gilgamesh then Amakusa before vanishing herself.

Aqua is cornered between dozens of spears.

The others try to charge Gilgamesh only to be stymied by chains or a barrage of weapons.

As a spear flies true straight for Aqua's head, a rip appears behind her, and a slender hand reaches out, grabbing and pulling her through, closing before the spear can follow through, destroying a chunk of wall.



===

Chiron wrestles with Achilles for control of the chariot.

"Why are you going back to the Gardens?!"

"I think it's a Command Seal! And will you stop, we'll crash!"

"I do not want to go back there!"

"You'd rather be on the land of this perverted and Gods forsaken Earth?!"

"At least we'll die!"

"I doubt Fiore can be that much of a horror even if she is being influenced by Fergus!" Achilles says before taking the reins back and returning to the Gardens.



===

"Oh thank Heavens…thank you Eris, I was so scared! I'll never make fun of you wearing pads ever a-" Aqua stops talking when she sees it wasn't Eris that pulled her out.

It was a smiling Alaya…With an equally grinning Fergus, and another Fergus beside them. Further on is an armored Fergus with a hammer trying to break down a spiritual door. Eris and two angels are crying from the other side.

"…Alaya, what's going on?"

"Master needs water…and another toy~."

Aqua screams before starting to run.



===



A long second passes between Darnic and Amakusa when they see Aqua vanish into the rip.

They both pivot, bringing their respective weapons toward the other.

Amakusa stabs Darnic first, three black keys in his chest. Darnic still manages to shoot Amakusa in the leg, making the latter pull back. As he readies another handful of knives he feels an intense stabbing pain in both his chest and stomach. Darnic shot him in the chest, and upon looking down he sees a scarred face framed by white hair.

"That's for Big-"

Another gunshot rings out, first through Amakusa's back, then into Jack's forehead, making her slump to the floor. Another gunshot rings out and Darnic falls to the floor as well, followed by Amakusa.

Shirou blows out the smoke from his two revolvers, before spinning them back into his holsters.

'Didn't expect her to be there, but without the one stealthy person, and Lancelot dead on the ground, this has become tremendously eas-'

A spear impaling itself into the wall by Shirou's head makes him freeze. Looking over he sees a green haired man in armor approach with a a blonde haired man with a tail, both looking utter furious.

"Lu-" Shirou feels a hand grab his ankle, then another on his other ankle. Looking down he sees Amakusa and Darnic holding him in place. Before he can do anything he feels two daggers stab into his shoulders as Jack holds onto his back.

"…Get him Big Brother…" Jack says weakly with a vindictive smile. Achilles pulls out a sword, and Chiron readies his bow, both ready to run Shirou through.

Then all five of them vanish.

"What…just happened?" Shirou says in shock.



===



Further away, Kazuma is choking Ritsuka.

"Why did you save him?!"

"The summoning…is random…" Ritsuka says before Mash pulls Kazuma back.

"Bullshit! I saw you use some special tickets specifically for those five! And why didn't you use that for Lancelot earlier or even to get rid of this asshole!?" Kazuma shouts, making Ritsuka grimace as Jeanne and Emiya turn to her.

"You think I like this? I'm already having a mental crisis at seeing him shoot a child, even if she was a Servant! Not to mention the leering earlier…And I was hoping to save those…"

"Then why?! And I want a concrete answer." Kazuma says before raising a hand, a glow starting, even as Emiya, Scathach, and Mash raise the edges of their weapons at his neck. Servant Kazuma and Jeanne bring a blade and flag staff to Mash's neck as Cu and Rin does the same to Emiya.

"Not this shit again…" Emiya mutters as Megumin makes the sigil for Explosion appear overhead as Avicebron makes golems appear.

"I think we all need to take a breath and recall who the main threat is here…" Shakespeare says.

"If he dies-"

"How? How could his death possibly lead to the end of the world?!"

"Because he's my Grandpa! If he dies, I vanish, dooming the world to all the Singularities Mash and I stopped!" Ritsuka whispers.

 

[Davos]

"Send me back." Achilles says to Goredolf as medical staff tends to Jack, Amakusa, and Darnic.

"W-why do you want to go back?" Goredolf asks, shaky from Achilles' glare.

"I need to kill a red head…slowly if possible."

"A-absolutely not! They are a master and-" Goredolf stammers when a hand grips his neck, limiting the air he can breath.

"I'm not asking!" He says as Chiron grips his shoulder.

"Calm yourself Achilles; I don't believe this man has anything to do with that. We should try and gather some info first."

"You're just saying that because no one here wants to fuck us!"

"Didn't think Heroic spirits would have low self esteem." A medical staff says off hand while tending to Amakusa, making Achilles tighten his grip on Goredolf a moment.

"Language…" Jack says from the floor.

"…I thought you were unconscious…" Achilles says, now dropping Goredolf.

"We're getting there…Can we go back and kill the red haired guy too?" Jack asks with vacant eyes.

"No…they are still- wait…guy?" Goredolf asks, now confusing the Servants as a beeping is heard.

"We lost him!"



===

"How the Hell are you two related?!" Kazuma asks.

"I just told you. Grandpa."

"You know what I mean! Who the Hell did he even get with?! The only women I saw in Fuyuki are dead, dead and hate him, or moved to another world!"

"I'm not telling you my family tree! You stripped me in public, photographed it, and nearly killed me at least 3 times in less then twenty minutes now…and even if you didn't this is not the time for such a talk!" Ritsuka says as Gilgamesh laughs once more, launching a dozen weapons their way.

"Then why didn't you use that special ticket to get him out of here?!"

"I was going too, but after seeing all the Servants that want him dead, one of whom is not usually known for holding a grudge, I fear he may have enemies in Chaldea, and not just the ones I put there, also wanting to kill him now! And I doubt a beyond furious Lancelot would do well in Chaldea!"

"Why not?!"

"There are many versions of Artoria there, and he will probably wreck the place trying to kill them!" Ritsuka says, and Kazuma remains quiet after a halfhearted moment of trying to yell at her.



===



Gilgamesh pulls the knives out of Shirou's shoulders and gives him a healing tonic while firing more weapons at approaching Servants with one hand. A moment later Shirou is better.

"Thanks Gilga- Ack…" Shirou starts coughing more and more. Gilgamesh looks and sees Semiramis unleashing poison in the room.

"Don't worry. It's a quick death~." Semiramis says with a smile, prompting a dozen spears her way. Each one deflected with a shield or hastily summoned beast.

Ritsuka raises a hand and hits Shirou with a healing code.

"I shall remember this mongrel, and be kinder in your training!" Gilgamesh says, and Ritsuka nearly chokes.

===



MHX nearly cleaves Artoria with her landing cut before quickly kicking Artoria in her unarmored stomach. As she readies her shotgun to blow the Saber's head off, Mordred appears and hits the shotgun, denting the barrel and changing the trajectory of the shot to harmlessly hit a wall. MHX tries to bring it back with the recoil to Mordred's head only to find the edge of a shield coming her way. They all jump back, and now look at Mash.

"What are you doing here?!" All three ask.

"You killed father!" Mash says pointing to MHX.

"Then you can help us overc-"

"You probably troubled him." Mash says now pointing to Artoria.

"I did n- Well…Would you believe me if I said he wanted that?"

"I will not believe such a blatant lie!"

"She's not lying!" Karna yells from the other room.

"…My truthfulness settled, what are you planning?" Artoria asks.

"To kill you."

"Shouldn't you be defending your master?" Mordred asks.

"She said it was alright for me to pursue this for my personal reasons on top of you being a threat. She also has Scathach to protect her."

"Then we have a common objective!" MHX says with a smile.

"I'm killing you first!" Mash says.

"No, I am!" Mordred says, slashing at Mash. MHX goes straight for Artoria, prompting the other two to attack MHX, who alternates and juggles her two swords and shotgun while fighting all three knights, pushing back with blade and bullet, before narrowly forcing them all back.

"We all want her dead…Stop preventing me!" MHX says.

"Never!" Mordred shouts as Artoria takes a breath.

"…It is obvious which one of us is strongest. That is why I suggest we three work together to kill her and end her madness." Artoria says.

"Why do you think I would help you?" Mash asks.

"…One for all and all for one." Artoria says, drawing odd looks from the other three.

"What is that line supposed to mean here? Or are you fond of Dumas and Shakespeare?" Mash asks with a squinted eye.

"It was the words your father said to try and smooth out a situation some time ago. I believe a temporary truce to deal with this enraged Saber-" Artoria says, making MHX vibrate with a fury that can threaten the cosmos as she continues.

"Is the best course of action before deciding who can try to get my head."

"That sounds like a lie!"

"It isn't!" Karna shouts, deflating Mash for a moment.

"My…relationship with Lancelot was an odd one the last few days. But to see him stabbed in the back, especially when he regained his sanity, is cause enough for me to kill her, and then we can settle the matter regarding myself… Or do you need that prone lie detector to ascertain my words again? Or do you genuinely believe out of the three Sabers here she can be reasoned with?" Artoria asks, causing foam to form in the corner of MHX's mouth, and after a long moment, Mash and Mordred turn to MHX.

"Unbelievable…what madness is this, a Saber using a shield?! Are they infecting the other classes?!"

===



Gilgamesh would have used the chains and killed Semiramis within a second were it not for the oddest sight stunning both him and Shirou now.

"Cure Poison…Cure Poison…Cure Poison…!" Both Kazuma and Servant Kazuma say, hitting both his own side, as well as Gilgamesh and Shirou. After the third time they realize it is not accidental.

'This is even more bizarre than the prior fight back at the castle…' Gilgamesh thinks as Shirou looks on stunned.

Semiramis summons more beasts and sends them after Kazuma, preparing a mana beam as the others are distracted with the beasts.

Gilgamesh takes out some popcorn and hands Shirou a bag.

"…Seriously?"

"Are you not curious why they are expending an effort to save us? Besides, do you not find it amusing how they struggle while we do nothing at all?"

"…It is rather curious since I shot him in the head as soon as I arrived." Shirou says before taking the popcorn and watching.

"This is why you're the best human in this day and age." Gilgamesh says.

"Why…are you….protecting him!?" Semiramis shouts, knuckles going white from her grip on the railing.

"You think I want to?!" Servant Kazuma shouts back.

"I can use the summon again and-"

"Don't, you'll probably summon Servants on our side again." Rin says, cutting off Ritsuka.

"That has never happened before! It's random, so I doubt it'll happen again!"

"Deja vu…" Megumin says before gasping as the roof is torn off, a giant winged beast under Semiramis' command appears.

"That is so cool! I must blow it up!" Megumin says with glowing red eyes, making Kazuma, Emiya, and Rin pale as she begins the chant, sigils appearing.

"That looks like a potent spell…" Gilgamesh says while looking up.

"That could be interesting to use. Would you mind giving a demonstration so I can learn this spell?" Scathach asks.

"Of course!"

"No!" Kazuma and Rin shout.

"But I could be a dragon slayer of both worlds! A-and I am not really good at stopping when I get to this point…" Megumin whines as Ritsuka takes Megumin's hat. Scathach meanwhile aims her spear at the dragon, the now glowing spear aimed at the beast's heart.

"Gae-"

"Hey, give that-"

Megumin vanishes, turning into gold, her sigil fading.

Scathach also vanishes, as does Emiya.

Ritsuka looks at her phone in abject shock.

Avicebron glares at Ritsuka.

"…Random huh?" Kazuma asks.

"I took Megumin's hat to act as a catalyst for summoning her to save us from a fiery death…I did not expect to get teacher and Emiya again…" Ritsuka says.

"Fair enough…" Kazuma says.



===

"Nothing will stop me from-"

"Bolg!" Scathach says, blinking as her Noble Phantasm shoots out, hitting Achilles in the chest, sending him through multiple walls.

"What in the world…?" Megumin asks while looking around.

"Stay away from me you sex obsessed Irish per-wait…I'm not in that room?" Atalanta asks out loud, appearing next to them.

Scathach sighs.

"That young Master really does have some odd luck…" Emiya says.



===

Artoria, Mordred, and Mash fight against MHX, finding little success. Despite her new class, it seems she has become more sensible, focusing more on carnage based results than posing and making dramatic claims, on top of Avalon rendering whatever damage they manage to inflict, moot. The three stagger back, winded a moment.

"Let me kill this foul Saber, and I'll grant you two quicker deaths." MHX offers.

"What kind of man do you think I am?! I would rather die than be killed by you, imposter father!" Mordred shouts before attacking MHX.

Mash takes a moment to register what Mordred says and Artoria raises a hand while grimacing.

'It may be critical…but I still hate this…' Artoria thinks before steeling herself as Mordred is knocked back, Artoria's hand now glowing.

"Steal!" She shouts, as a flash of light fills the room. When it fades, she is holding her sheathe again.

"What the-?!"

"Where did you learn that?!"

"An innocent prodigy taught me how to use it during one rainy night over muffins after we were both victims of that miscreant…I hate having to use it, but now that I have Avalon again, prepare to die you fake Saber!"

'We may actually have a chance now…Without that sheathe, we can now wound MHX!' Mash thinks with a smile before realizing something.

'But now I can't kill Artoria!' She thinks before seeing Artoria grin at her.

"I only said you can try to get my head. Not that you could." Artoria says, making Mash scowl.





===



Medea hands Servant Kazuma Rule Breaker and he stabs Karna, getting a monotone 'ow' before giving Karna water. A moment later he stands back up and looks at the dragon, Gilgamesh, and Semiramis.

"Which one shall I kill first?" Karna asks, getting a chuckle from Gilgamesh.

"I suggest the dragon. I have to teach this little fake Assassin a lesson, and you have no means of killing me." Gilgamesh says, making Karna raise an eyebrow.

Shakespeare places a hand on Karna's shoulder.

"Do not fret…I may not be fearsome in battle, or possess any skills relating to combat, but I do have instinct. Not the instinct of a warrior, but of a writer, and I know, on some unexplainable way, how to kill this….mongrel~ -" Shakespeare says, making Gilgamesh frown.

"- in one dramatic penultimate movement!"

"…I'll have to be sure to kill this dragon quickly before the final curtain call." Karna says with a grin before jumping forward, tackling the dragon into open air for an aerial battle.

Shakespeare raises a hand towards Gilgamesh's direction but stops.

"…If we meet again, hand me this…and do not read it, it is unpolished." He says, handing his notes to Kazuma.

"Why don't you want me to read-"

"The last time someone saw my notes I was voted out and punched out of a church. Also, the last few pages will be a fine taunt for a certain blonde lady." Shakespeare says with a wink before speaking.

"First Folio!"

The next moment Shirou is crying out in abject fear while backing into a wall.

"Not the snakes…Not the snakes!" Shirou shouts, making Ritsuka glare at Shakespeare raising her hand only to be picked up by the scruff of her neck and lifted slightly into the air by Servant Kazuma.

"Hey what are you-" Ritsuka says while trying to shake out of the grip.

"Wait…this panic…that impossible flood earlier in the air…that was you?!" Gilgamesh grits his teeth while looking fully at the bard.

"Indeed! I can call upon the horrors of any being, and turn them into a whimpering child…though I suppose thou is already a child!" Shakespeare says with a showman rising of his hands.

Gilgamesh hurls a dozen spears at the bard.

They miss.

Not because the Bard was fast enough, but because the floor moved him out of the wave, turning the ground under Shakespeare into a mobile disc, further distracting Gilgamesh.

Avicebron stands with fists on his hips, delighted at annoying a foe and saving an odd ally. Gilgamesh grabs the horrified Shirou and jumps up to the floor near Semiramis for a better angle. Before Semiramis can react, she is tied up in chain around a pillar.

"Do you really think two Casters being in another's workshop has any chance to do anything but annoy me?"

"Is that fear I hear~?" Shakespeare says, before becoming enveloped in chains.

'…I really hope my writer instincts are right…'

"By my Cwomannd Sweal, use your Noble Phantasm!"

"By this hand, wrongs shall once more be made right…Transpose!" Servant Kazuma says.



===



Artoria chuckles as she approaches MHX, who is now bloodied and breathing heavily after a swift round of fighting. Artoria nearly laughs uproariously but restrains herself.

'I can laugh after a few more deaths~.' Artoria thinks as MHX wobbles from a dozen cuts, Mordred breathing heavily nearby, and Mash glaring at her.

"You truly are a failure as a savior…But an adequate Saber~." Artoria says, momentarily surprised when MHX straightens up despite her exhaustion. Artoria raises her blade and brings it down as a white light envelopes her.

'Is this some ability from space?!' Artoria thinks before following through on her strike and only hitting air as she is blinded. When she can see again, she is hanging from her neck in the air, a different sight in front of her now.

Shakespeare tangled up in chains, Gilgamesh posed to kill him, Rin, Cu, and Jeanne nearby…with open mouths.

Artoria looks down and sees she is wearing a trench coat, and feels an odd material on her under said trench coat.

"What…in the…?"

Before she can react, another hand grips part of the trench coat, and only through means of odd magic rips it off of her, showing Artoria off in a mix of strings and furry pads.

Gilgamesh freezes and looks at her with all the focus he can muster, making the chains around Shakespeare grow lax.

The Bard also cranes his neck while in a pile of chains to engrave every detail into his mind for his work.

Artoria squeaks and covers herself as best she can before turning to see the latest target of her fury.

It is not a new target.

Kazuma grins as Medea smiles like a fool, camera in hand.

Robin Mordred struts atop Servant Kazuma's head, proud of this petty victory.

Even Jeanne grins.

'So that's why she has phobia of dresses…' Semiramis thinks.

"How the Hell did you do this?! And why am I in such…such…!"

Artoria's wrists are grabbed by chains and hoisted upward, showing her off to everyone present.

"My, what a sight." Gilgamesh says, making one Artoria's eyes turn yellow.

"The snakes!" Shirou shouts helplessly behind him.

"To answer your earlier question, its one of my Noble Phantasms Elizabeth." Kazuma says.

"There's nothing noble about this!" Artoria says as Kazuma makes her swing slightly like a lurid ornament.

"…I hate that I still agree with her…" Rin says.

"I don't. Got anything more embarrassing for her to wear?" Jeanne asks, making Medea smile even more.

'You have a real grudge problem if you're ok with this…' Leticia thinks at Jeanne.

'Huh, Was wondering when you would speak up again. You've been quiet.'

'What can I say in this situation?' Leticia thinks back before Jeanne hears chewing sounds.

'Is…Is that popcorn?'

'No, pickle chips.'

The chains around Artoria, Shakespeare, and Semiramis grow lax, allowing all three to escape, look on in shock, or kick Kazuma into letting them go.

Artoria materializes her dress, bits of fur still visible on her neck as she looks up with a gasp at the purple armored man wrestling with Gilgamesh, swinging him around with both arms looped around him.

"Lancelot?! You're alive?!" She shouts.

"Yes my King…Though my 'Battle Continuation' will not hold for much longer…You know what must be done!" Lancelot manages to say before grabbing Semiramis with one hand.

"Let me go!"

"Never!"

"Mad dog, I will-" Gilgamesh fires a spear, but Lancelot dodges, the weapon taking one of Semiramis' arms.

"GAH! Not again!"

Artoria raises her sword.

"Thank you Lancelot…Your death will not be in vain. I may almost forgive you with this act!"

"My King!" Lancelot says with a tear down his cheek as Mordred enters the room, and sees Artoria raising her blade. Mordred stands nearby and raises her sword, before Gilgamesh launches two spears.

One makes Artoria leap to the side, and the other hits Mordred's blade, sending it flying to Artoria. She catches it with one hand and pauses a moment before tossing Excalibur to Mordred. Mordred caches it and her jaw drops.

"Do not misunderstand. I am not giving it to you, but you should know what you will be wielding if you should succeed in your wish. Besides, it has been awhile since Clarent has been in your care and wanted to see how badly you mistreated her." Artoria says. Mordred smiles and raises the sword in tandem with Artoria.

"EX-" Mordred starts to say.

"Clarent-" Artoria starts to say.



===

Alaya gasps, a very deep seated dread instantly bringing her out of a blissful, subservient high.

"Something terrible is happening!"

"Are you finally going to help us?!" Aqua shouts while standing on shaky legs on top of an unsteady stone pillar, A Fergus on each side trying to topple it.

"Not you, you deserve this. I'm talking about humanity!"

"How can you say that?! This is why you're the least favorite entity in the Heavens you spoiled bra-" Aqua's yelling stops when the pillar cracks, leading to her falling to the circling Fergusi.

The door protecting Eris and the angels finally breaks.

"Lurk!" Eris says, and she becomes invisible along with the angels.

"That won't work…I can still smell you~." Fergus says as another two versions of himself appears, making one angel clasp Eris mouth shut to muffle the warble of despair, and the other throw a perfume bottle on the floor as Aqua's cries soon start hitting a different note.



===

Karna appears behind Gilgamesh, Semiramis, and Lancelot.

'I knew he would make a good ally…' Karna thinks before going to grab the vacant eyed and twitching Shirou, but a spear appears and stabs through Shirou's shirt, sending him flying to the next room.

Karna is stunned a moment before following the spear.

'…It feels like he's done that before.' Karna thinks.

"-CALIBUR!"

"-BLOOD ARTHUR!"

The beams go fourth and hit all three Servants, erasing them in a glorious light of yellow and red.

The dust settles and both Sabers trade blades.

The Gardens make a groaning sound as whatever kept it afloat is gone, now making it descend.

Artoria turns back to face the others, raising her blade after a flourish.

"Are you seriously going to pick a fight with us after all that and now of all times?!" Cu asks.

"Why wouldn't I? Even if I do not kill him, making him stay long enough here for the Gardens to crash and kill him is victory enough!" Artoria says, prompting Shakespeare to raise a hand. Mordred pales and glares at the bard.

"Don't you care about getting the Grail?" Rin asks, trying to distract Saber and not grin at seeing her panic.

"I doubt any Grail in this lawless war can grant my wish…it really needed a proper to keep things from spiraling out of control." Artoria says, making Jeanne's twitch and turn gold. Shakespeare hand starts to glow as pages begin to rise.

"Fourth time is bound to be the charm, and a ruined castle should make for a fine setting for your grave." Artoria says, making the Bard pause and lower his hand.

"…Shakespeare." Kazuma says.

"Just think! A castle falling from the Heavens, acting as a countdown for the final fight between two heroes is a promising climax!." Shakespeare says.

"Shakespeare you bastard!"

"I refuse to acknowledge him as a hero." Artoria says.

"It's not his fault she makes a good point." Avicebron says.

"He!" Mordred says, before a rip appears, and Alaya pulls Mordred through.

"Mordred?!" Artoria shouts.

"Mon Dieu, ce sont tous des idiots…" Jeanne says with a hand at her head as the Gardens starts picking up speed.

"…Can't you just stab her again and make her not be a threat?"

"Sorry…was still day dreaming about that last outfit." Medea says, readying Rule Breaker.

She vanishes, turning into Golden sparkles, along with Avicebron and Cu Chulainn.

"…God damn red heads…" Kazuma mutters as Artoria approaches with a smile, Shakespeare making his notes return to him as he begins chronicling this final showdown.

 

[Davos]

Artoria braces herself as Cu and Jeanne step forward.

"Wait." Kazuma says, surprising them both.

"For what? You're thinking of fighting her by yourself?" Cu asks. When Kazuma remains quiet, they both turn back in shock.

Artoria is especially stunned.

"Seriously? I didn't expect this kind of plan from either version of you." Cu says.

"…Have you lost your mind?" Rin asks.

"No, but this place is falling to the ground, and I imagine it will only pick up speed, and I doubt you and Kairi here can survive that crash." Servant Kazuma says while Kazuma nudges a still unconscious Kairi with a sheathed sword.

"Besides, I am suspecting Ritsuka will try to steal the airship Avicebron made, and I am sure she is willing to let you bunch board." Kazuma says.

"And what about you? The Gardens impending crash aside, how do plan to survive facing that blight of-" Jeanne starts to ask but stops when Servant Kazuma places a finger at her lips, making her blush.

"I have some tricks up my sleeve for both of those events. Besides, I have plenty of reason to fight her." Kazuma says while looking at Artoria, his grin sending a small shudder through the King of Knights.

"…And I don't?" Jeanne says through mostly closed lips, glancing at his finger even as Leticia stares at her in a spiritual form only she can see.

"You got a way to bypass her sheath?"

Jeanne remains quiet, not only from a lack of an answer but also resisting a passing impulse. An impulse that makes Leticia groan.

'For the love of God Jeanne, don't bite his finger!'

'I-I wasn't going to do that! I have self control!' Jeanne thinks as Cu picks up the unconscious Kairi.

"…You sure about this Kazuma? Him I'm starting to get because he's a servant influenced by birds, but you?"

"Yes. I know I'm not going to stay dead, and it'll only be a problem if I try dealing with Ritsuka now after that…Noble Phantasm of mine…Not to mention Fergus is probably still affecting him." Kazuma trails off while speaking, and Cu nods.

"I'll keep the pervert in check…wait, isn't Fergus still in the afterlife room now with Eris and Alaya?" Cu asks.

Kazuma pales.

"…Crap…"



===

"What in the-" Mordred starts to ask but stops when she sees the depravity and smells the divine's fear in the afterlife room.

To her side is a smiling Alaya, with a Fergus nearby. Another three wander and smell the air.

"What the Hell are you doing dragging me here?" Mordred asks, while ignoring the crying Aqua further away.

"Finally accomplishing what I set out to do before all this madness."

"And what's that?"

"Stopping you from becoming king of course!"

Mordred raises her blade with a flourish.

The Fergusi grin and raise their weapons.

"W-wait, I can explain! We don't need to fight!" Alaya says as Aqua's cries turn to low moans.

"You're standing in the way of my Kinghood. Father has already, possibly, approved of me… somewhat I think? I'm still a little unsure about him, but as for you there is no other option for me but to try and kill a-"

"If you become King, the world ends!" Alaya shouts.

"How?!"

"Because you're a hotheaded idiot and your rule will lead your homeland to ruin, which will rewrite subsequent events in history, culminating in a nuclear wasteland!"

"How the Hell does my rule lead to nuclear annihilation?! There weren't even cars in my lifetime! And you are one to call someone hotheaded and idiotic!" Mordred says while pointing at Alaya.

"I know it best because this kind of scenario happens a lot more than you would think! I even have a file!" Alaya says before materializing a thick folder titled 'events that cause nukes to fall'.

"Then I'll just be prudent and avoid that one scenario."

"There are 24 scenarios with you in this folder alone."

"How?!"

"About half of them involved a two front war."

"Then I won't do that!"

"Half of the other half is a three front war, and the other half is you being killed by a bastard child of yours." Alaya says making Mordred frown.

"If it helps, you're only about 5% of the 'M' category!" Alaya says, leading to a moment of silence save for Aqua's corner.

"Eris…please help me~."

"Out of curiosity, how exactly we're you going to prevent me attempting Kinghood in here?" Mordred asks, and Alaya gestures to both Aqua's defilement and the grinning Fergus beside her.

Mordred summons her armor and makes her blade glow.

Two Fergus grin and another sighs.

"I suspected negotiation was not your strongest skill, but I didn't think it would be this bad…" Fergus says.

"I thought she would see reason and be curious about whatever broke me…" Alaya says as Aqua warbles further away.

"And now a Goddess…Does that mean you don't want to fight and bed her?" Alaya asks.

"Oh no, I absolutely do! But don't you think it is a bit unfair when I have high quality mana powering me? Especially since pulling her here cut off her connection and mana with her master." Fergus asks as three squeals of horror ring out. Eris and the angels are discovered.

Mordred growls a moment before grinning at Eris.

Eris sighs before speaking.

"…My will creates your body."

"And my sword protects your chastity!"

Three seals appear on her hand and Mordred smiles, as does Fergus.

"W-wait…Eris, what are you doing?" Alaya stops when Mordred appears in front of her with full teeth grin.

"Saving the Heavens!" Eris shouts.

"By kicking all your asses!" Mordred shouts before kicking Alaya with enough force to go through a wall of shadow before parrying a spear for her head, now drawing the other Fergus' in the room to themselves.



====



"…I thought you would run away and let those two deal with me." Artoria says as Jeanne, Rin, and Cu leave.

"I wanted to give you a fair chance Elizabeth." Servant Kazuma says.

"…I'm going to enjoy seeing you bleed." Artoria says before readying her blade and thrusting outward, a harsh gale shooting out towards Servant Kazuma's head. He manages to avoid the brunt of the attack in time.

But she doesn't.

Red feathers surround Mordred the robin as half her body is disintegrated. Both Kazuma's kneel at her side, grimacing at the damage.

"No…Not the good Mordred!"

"The good-?! My son, traitor he may be, is far better than some birdy faker!" Artoria shouts.

"By my- cwough cwough!"

"Don't speak! Heal!"

"I'm…too far gone…" Robin Mordred says before raising half a wonderful smelling wing.

"By my cwomannd seal…end this tyrant!"

The wing drops into Kazuma's palm, the seals gone along with any warmth.

"…You didn't need a command seal for me to do that." Servant Kazuma says before he stands and approaches Artoria.

"Oh, you're approaching me? Did you forget you're class is the least suited to combat?"

"Can't show you the meaning of gender equality without getting closer." Kazuma says, making Artoria chuckle.

"You call that a Noble Phantasm? It's so…bird brained~."

'Amazing!' Shakespeare thinks with open mouthed glee.

'Sudden dramatic death, banter, the promise of excessive violence, and most importantly, ample room for creative liberties! I must have been summoned to this Grail War to witness this event!' He thinks, writing with bated breath and a shaky hand as Artoria instantly closes the distance to Servant Kazuma, her golden blade catching the light as it descends to his head, but instead of the rending of sinew and cleaving through pitiful bone, a dull thud rings out.

Excalibur is lodged between the two bony growths on the blue heads of two large birds.



===



Ritsuka looks at Rin and the others with a twitching eye while on the airship, Mash listlessly standing between them.

"You can't stop us from boarding." Jeanne says and Ritsuka pulls up her phone.

"I really don't think your luck will help you here missy." Cu says.

"It saved me before from the situation he put me in; I refuse to have that bastard on board! I know he's using lurk and having you distract me so he can climb on undetected."

"He's not doing that. He's dealing with Artoria."

"Yeah sure, and I'm the queen of England."

"…Why are you so mad? Sure, he put you in a bad situation, but I don't know if he knew what he was doing, and I doubt this was the first time you were in a bad situation." Cu asks.

"It's the first time she was stripped without warning." Mash says.

"…Just be glad you had another trench coat on you…I'll still remember this though."

"Wait, I thought you would be wearing Artoria's outfit since she was wearing yours when she appeared near us?" Jeanne asks.

"I was. Then that uncomfortable outfit vanished, leaving me in my birthday suit! I still don't have shoes!" Ritsuka says while pointing at her bare feet.

"Wait how did you lose the-" Rin stops when she recalls Artoria summoned her clothes after being summoned by Kazuma.

"The only good thing about it was that MHX slowed down long enough for me to make another summon!"

"Was that why Avicebron and Medea vanished?"

"Karna too…Least Grandpa is safe at last…" Ritsuka says with a shudder.

'Can't believe he insisted on Mash moving her shield after knowing I was…no amount of therapy is going to help…'

"Wait, weren't you hesitant on sending Lancelot to Chaldea due to the other Artoria there? Wouldn't that be the case with MHX too?" Rin asks.

"Not quite. She can at least still be reasoned with in her own way even as a Berserker, isn't as destructive as a Grand Berserker…maybe… and we have countermeasures drilled into everyone there for her specifically."

After a moment Jeanne coughs before speaking.

"Kazuma really is fighting Artoria."

"You got proof?" Ritsuka asks and the group remains quiet until a horrendously loud crashing is heard a distance away, causing reverberations through the remaining gardens, making the descent speed up. Raucous laughter is carried on the wind.

The laughter is unmistakably Kazuma's.

As is the scream of agony.

"I believe you now. Welcome aboard." Ritsuka says.





===A few minutes earlier===



"What in the world-?!" Artoria is cut off when one bird kicks her back, the talons leaving scratches on her armor.

"What the Hell kind of birds are those?!"

"We are what your kind calls Cassowaries, we are from the land down under!" One says.

"And as members of Avain-lon, we shall tear your hopes asunder!" The other says, presenting an emblem on its chest of a bird pulling a sword from a stone, making Artoria's eye twitch.

"This is absurd…a bird can't stop my blade!"

"We are unlike any bird you ever fought before, you insolent murderous lad!"

"For we are from the elite combat unit, Galahad!" The one Cassowary says, making Artoria clench her handle with white knuckles.

"How much of my life will you sully in your imitation? Your so called kingdom hasn't even been around a month!"

"True, we are new, but that won't stop us from making you a footnote in our fable!"

"Bards will speak of your fall against the mighty Nightingales of the Round Table!"

"They're right!" Shakespeare shouts from afar.

Before Artoria can articulate her outrage, she feels something warm and gooey hit her head.

She channels her mana, both clearing the bird poo off and empowering her next attack.

The Galahad duo ready themselves. Servant Kazuma raises his hand.

'Now that she is distracted, I'll steal her beloved sword and-'

An impact knocks him on his back, making him cough blood. He looks up at both the shocked Cassowaries and the grinning Artoria. On the floor in front of them is Excalibur.

'She threw her blade pommel first into me?!' Servant Kazuma thinks in abject shock before one Cassowary bites onto the blade, holding it tightly in his beak.

"Gah…Fool, you may have got a cheeky…strike in, but you should have thrown…point first…" Servant Kazuma says as he stands up, wondering for a moment why Artoria has her hand raised as she laughs.

"You call me a fool?…Why would I give you a quick death after everything? I purposefully threw it pommel first!"

"But why would you toss your blade aside and leave yourself unar-"

"Steal!" she shouts, cutting him off as the familiar light fills the room.

"What?!" Both Kazumas shout, now seeing her holding her sword again in one hand, and grabbing the stunned Cassowary that was also stolen by the neck. In the next moment, she pushes the blade forward, cutting through the bird's head like butter.

"Brother!" The other Cassowary shouts with a tear in his eye as the lifeless body hits the floor.

"Don't worry. You'll join him soon, with a bit of butter and garlic~." Artoria says as she flourishes her sword, the excess blood whipping off it as some drip from her face and hand.

"Lurk." Both Kazuma say.

Artoria sighs and closes her eyes.

"I'm surprised you didn't do that s-" She startles when Servant Kazuma reappears next to her, pivoting into a hook for Artoria's face. She languidly prepares to stab him, keeping a chuckle in check.

'What an idiot. He really thinks his measly punch will-'

Artoria feels a tooth crack on impact as she is sent flying some distance, momentarily blinded by pain before landing on her feet. She cups her cheek in utter shock.

"Wha- how-? That actually hurt?! But you're a shut in pervert!"

"I may be a Caster and a new servant, but I can still hurt anyone with lower divinity than me."

"DIVINITY?! You of all people are-?! From…From BIRDS?!" Artoria shakes as she shouts, her tooth already healing.

"It is the power of heartfelt prayer! I also do extra damage with my 'gender equality punch' against women!"

"That's not equality, that's misogyny!"

"…Spoken just like a woman." Kazuma the Caster says, making Artoria raise her blade, now glowing.

"EX-"

A thud behind her that shakes the Gardens and a shadow covering her makes her stop.

Artoria slowly looks behind her and sees a giant of scaly creature of muscle look down at her with yellow eyes, the black center focused on her as a mouth opens, showing rows of teeth, each one taller than Artoria.

"That's…not a-" She starts before looking at the creature's tiny arms.

It has a few pitiful feathers on said arms.

"You have got to be kidding me…"

"What better match for a tyrannical king, than a benevolent one! Get her almighty Bene-Avian Rex, the link between bird and reptile, King Arthur!" Kazuma shouts with the biggest shit eater grin before laughing as the dino-avian lunges forward with an open mouth.

Time slows for Artoria as the jaws of the beast descends.

'Honestly…this is least annoying creature to bear my name.'

The jaws close around Artoria. She screams and kicks uselessly as the animal with her name tilts upward, chewing a few times before swallowing and roaring in glee.

'I am never eating chicken or reptiles ever again…' Kazuma the human thinks with wide eyes while still in lurk.

'Hmm…Quite the spectacle, but not quite worth being the final blow…I can always rewrite this part and-' Shakespeare stops when the hairs on his neck rise up.

'I feel a plot armor activating!'

"Excellent job King Arthur!" Caster Kazuma says.

"Do not praise me All Father…the tyrant, though hurt, still lives."

"What?! How?" He asks before seeing the giant tremble and fall to one knee, blood spilling from its maw.

"Her…sheathe saved her life. Even now she is cleaving through my insides…but do not worry…I may die, but I have taken away her healing!" The giant says before opening his mouth to show Artoria's sheathe is lodged in his teeth. He clenches his mouth shut and groans as Excalibur pokes out of his side.

"The rest…is up to you…" He says before falling forward as a hole is torn open and Artoria jumps out, now completely red from the top of a somehow still standing straight strand of hair to her toes. She walks a few steps before stumbling and forced to use Excalibur to hold herself up while coughing her own blood, gashes and wounds all over her body.

"This is…complete…and utter…" Artoria coughs more blood, one hand on her side as she is unable to finish the gripe.

Birds crow in triumph at the sight.

Servant Kazuma confidently walks up to Artoria with the biggest grin, a hop in his step that threatens to become a merry skip even as he restrains himself.

He waits for Artoria to manage to meet his gaze, the scowl not scaring him nearly as much as before.

Especially as he starts lightly slapping her face, alternating between backhands and front handed slaps, making Artoria shake and growl as he giggles, each contemptible sound of joy making her eye color flicker.

"Any last words before I end this, you-"

Artoria lunges forward, eyes a blazing gold as she sinks her teeth into Caster Kazuma's forearm, an audible snap rings in the room, followed by a scream.



===A few minutes earlier===

MHX brings her sword down and hits air, taking a moment to look around the room.

"Where is that red headed nudist Saber!? And where am I now?!"

"You're-" Achilles stops when Goredolf grips his shoulder.

"It was only a matter of time before your kind found this safe house too…" He says before handing Achilles a pamphlet. Inside it says 'Mysterious Heroine X/ Space Artoria contingency plans' and Goredolf taps one titled 'when MHX appears enraged'. Chiron and Atalanta have one too.

"Is this safe haven to be destroyed too?!" Chiron says with unusual zeal.

"Oh…Is nowhere safe for Berserkers and the other knight classes?" Atalanta says with blank eyes.

"Safe…haven?" MHX asks while looking at Chiron's, Scathach's, and Achilles' weapons before paling.

"W-wait…you're under persecution from…B-but I'm not, I can't be…I-I changed back I swear!" MHX says with wide eyes while looking at the dead and injured.

"I…truly stared into the abyss…" She mutters before sinking into a corner with her head in hands.

"…Don't you think this is too far?" Atalanta whispers.

"We'll debrief and feed her some of her favorites soon." Goredolf whispers back.

"I still want to go back to Romania." Achilles says and Goredolf has the preparations for the warp made, showing a glimpse of where he will land.

On the screen is a blood covered Artoria with blazing yellow eyes, crunching Kazuma's arm in her mouth before pulling back and ripping everything from below the elbow off in one violent motion. Caster Kazuma staggers backwards, alternating between his newly made squirting stump and the smiling Artoria who takes a long drink of fresh blood before spitting the limb aside, looking him in the eye as she licks her lips, standing straighter now that she is recovered.

"I retract my request; I never want to set foot in that God forsaken land of Romania ever again…There's no way that Saber is a noble knight…" Achilles says with pale cheeks as others look on in open mouthed horror, or in Scathach's case, curiousty. MHX looks up at the screen, and then goes back to her existential horror.

"That's obviously a Berserker…"

'What in the Hell is going on over there?!' Goredolf thinks as he sees a dead T-rex nearby.

"…Should I note this day down as a possible recurring Singularity like Halloween or summer, sir?"

"I doubt it is one…but better safe than sorry."



===



Caster Kazuma stares at his stump a moment longer before looking at the smiling Artoria approach.

"What the Hell is wrong with you…?!" He asks before Excalibur slashes out, and his vision tumbles to the ground.

The birds Gwasp.

Artoria laughs with a hand at her head, saying 'Finally!'.

Kazuma sneaks to the exit, stopping when the laughter ends and he sees Artoria looking at him.

'Calm down Kazuma…Servants can't see you while you're using lurk…just move slowly and it'll be fine…' He thinks, trying to suppress his shudders as Artoria begins walking in his direction.

"I can smell the fearful sweating~." Artoria says, making Kazuma warble and groan.

Then the birds chirp a joyous note in unison, puzzling Artoria, and Kazuma relaxes somewhat.

Artoria is sent flying once more, this time into a wall.

She stands back up and sees the Caster is whole once more.

"What? How are you-"

"Because I don't stay dead when I am killed!"

"What do you mean you don't stay-" Artoria stops when she recalls a bit of conversation from a long time ago

"You also bungled into a Holy Grail war during your vacation and died enough times to be on a first name basis with a Goddess of the departed!"

"Oh dear God, you have a revive ability too…" Artoria mutters as Kazuma raises his hand, blinding the room once more. When it fades Artoria finds nothing is missing.

But her blade is duller and less ornate now.

"What in the…?"

"I have stolen the concept of Excalibur!"

"What? What does that even mean?!" Artoria asks as a golden aura surrounds her. She runs forward to get out of the spell's range, only for the aura to follow her. She swings her sword, hoping to cleave through Kazuma before it finishes, only to find herself flipping in the air from the force of her swing, tumbling in the air before landing on something and tumbling to the side, before falling a short distance. She grabs a railing with one hand, looking around her to study her surroundings a moment. She is in the air, birds circling in random areas and the Gardens in the air behind her.

'Getting really sick of these sudden teleports…Where am I now?' She wonders before looking the other way as she starts to pull herself up, stopping when she sees three pairs of eyes grinning down at her, sending a shiver of dread through Artoria.

The faces looking at her are Mash, Rin, and the Saint.

'…Figures he sends me to a trio worse than the Gorgon sisters…' Artoria thinks as Mash raises the shield and hits Artoria in the head.

As she is falling she sees gander shots whizzing at her, unable to keep up with the velocity of her fall. She sees the Saint's mouth moving even as the distance grows, somewhat recognizing the French words from her lip movements.

'Roar O rage of mine? Why is she-'

The spike impaling her back upon the harsh impact answers that question.

As Artoria once more tastes her own blood, she takes a moment to steady her breath before breaking part of the thing piercing her before rising to her feet. After another moment of breathing she looks up and sees the Gardens are now much closer and about to land on top of her current location.

'…Fourth time is bound to be the charm…Hopefully Mordred and Lancelot are doing better…' Artoria thinks as the Gardens crashes on top of her.



===A minute earlier===



Kazuma grabs Kazuma and heads for the ledge. Perched there is a pterodactyl with feathers looking flatly at them.

The thinly feathered member of Avain-lon grabs them with it's talons and flies off from the Gardens. Using their enhanced vision they see Artoris is square in the path of the Garden's landing and smile.

'Wow, everything is going great!' Both Kazuma think at the same time.

They feel dread at the same time at this realization, and it is answered the same time as the pterodactyl starts loosening it's grip on them.

"A question, so called All Father…if a God can die, are they really a God?"

"What are you getting at?" Kazuma asks with a bead of sweat down his neck.

"If a God is unable or unwilling to help, can they still be a God? How many birds died despite your being here, how many tribes, including mine, have gone extinct?"

"You can't blame me for that!"

"Perhaps…but that does not change the validity of my question…nor does it change my views."

"Those views being?"

"I'm a deist, and I about to observe your fall~."

'How the Hell do they have multiple views on faith already?!' Both Kazuma wonders before screaming as he is dropped. Human Kazuma grabs Servant Kazuma gets behind him.

"What the Hell?!"

"You're more durable than me!"

"No I'm not!" Caster Kazuma says before wrestling with his human self for who takes the brunt of the impact. Caster Kazuma punches human Kazuma.

"I'm a man, gender equality doesn't affect me!" Kazuma says before punching Kazuma.

"But my Divinity!?"

"I'm an Eris follower!"

"That doesn't even make sense, damn it!" Caster Kazuma shouts before getting held in place as he sees the ground zooming closer.