Cu-nosuba: God’s Blessing on This Lancer’s Holy Grail War!

[Davos]

Leysritt knocks on the doors to the rooms, smiling with her head piece off, and humming an out of beat tune. Saber opens her door and looks at the smiling maid walk away with a pit in her stomach.

"…She never goes around like that." Illya says while looking at Leysritt.

"…Where's Sella?" Saber asks despite suspecting the answer.

Archer and Rider leave another room with a slow step and a yawn, locking eyes with Saber and Illya.

Emiya rubs the back of his head as Medea covers her face before vanishing.

"Perhaps we should reschedule again?" Medea asks, appearing in the hall.

"I don't think that would be wise given Gilgamesh's temperament."

"I doubt going there exhausted will be any- AH!"

Medea doubles over, looking up at a glaring Saber.

"Why the sucker punch?!"

"You left me alone with that torture last night!"

"It's not my fault you can't go into spirit form!"

"You could have helped!"

Rin and Kazuma look at the other, half sure the other is having the same thought of ignoring them and continuing despite, or because of, the yelling in the hall.

They decide instead to get dressed, Kazuma in his usual track suit, Rin in her usual outfit save for a longer skirt, both of them sneaking a look at the other before heading into the hall when a collective gasp rings out.

Heading over they see everyone looking into a room.

Inside said room, Lancer and Sella are sprawled on the bed, not moving.

"Oh My God, Lancer's been killed!" Kazuma shouts.

"So was Sella! But how?! They never-" Illya stops, her red cheeks growing redder between her fingers as the realization hits.

"...She did that?" Illya says aloud.

"Who did?" Kazuma asks with a warble as Leysritt comes back around the corner with a tray of food, coffee, and a funnel for forcibly making someone drink said coffee before heading into the room, eliciting a groan of dismay from Cu and Sella.

"…She truly does possess the strength of a B rank servant…" Rin says with vacant eyes as they all leave. They start walking quicker when a creaking bed is heard. Rin looks over at Saber who is staring at her.

"What?"

"I am simply shocked you are going out in public with the cornette." Saber says, making Rin gasp and paw at her head, finding nothing but hair.

Rin glares at a smugly smiling Saber.

Archer and Rider lag behind.

"Medusa…"

"…Yes Archer?" Rider asks.

"Thank you for not using your full strength on me." He says making the tall woman cover her face.

"Please don't thank me for that…and it's not like I could from those positions…"

"Still, thank you for the consideration."

"That is not consideration worth thanking me f-"

Warbling groans of despair and exhaustion from inside the room interrupts them.

"…You're welcome…Magical Baby Boy 2004~." Rider says with the biggest grin as Archer stammers for a reply.

They hurry back to the dining room and kitchen, enjoying a good meal, trying not to linger on their opponent's machinations.

===

"Father Kotomine, why is there such hateful metal music coming from the basement?" A follower asks when the chorus of an exceptionally violent sounding song plays.

"I've…given refuge to someone recently. They have had an issue with their anger lately." Kirei says.

"Guy's got good taste!" One teenager says before getting his ear pulled. He still does the horn of the beast's gesture despite the pain and scornful look of his parents.

"Mommy, should we really listen to this man talk about forgiveness when he houses a person who plays songs like this?"

"We talked about this dear! Stop pointing out the obvious flaws in other people!"

'If you were an orphan you'd be his lunch!' Kirei thinks behind a smile that grows stiffer when the volume increases.

His flock looks at each other, their silent concern palpable.

Kirei stealthily texts a message to Shirou.

"Kirei asks you to lower the volume or play something more fitting for church!" Shirou shouts with fingers in his ears.

"What?" Gilgamesh shouts, not quite hearing him; Shirou hands him the phone, grimacing at the impact from max level death rock on his unprotected ear.

"Tell Gil to turn down the music or put something more suited to church since it is leaking through the floorboards! My flock is growing uneasy!"

Gilgamesh scowls at the message before grinning as he goes to tinker with the music.

Kirei smiles genuinely at the music stopping.

His flock also relaxes.

Then the first few haunting notes of Toccata and Fugue play along with Gilgamesh's mad and joyous laughter.

''Original Hero' my ass, you are the 'Original Jackass'!' Kirei thinks with an eye twitch.


===

"It's an hour before the agreed on time. Why are we here?" Rider asks as they near the castle.

"Because after yesterday, they'll never see it coming and we need every advantage we can get." Kazuma says as they enter, all of them stopping when they see Shirou sitting in an ornate chair in the middle of the tarnished dining room.

"How completely expected of you; Did you really think Musashi's strategy would work after yesterday?" Shirou says while swirling a glass of wine.

"…Could have had seconds…" Saber mutters while looking at Kazuma.

"Not the time…!" Kazuma mutters back while looking around for the threat.

"Why so nervous, mongrel?" Shirou asks.

"…The Hell did you say?" Archer asks, fists balled with audible cracking.

"Is your hearing as defective as your ability to keep time?"

Archer responds by bringing out his short swords. Medusa grips his shoulder.

"Archer, calm-

"Did that strike a nerve…You Faker?"

"…What the Hell?" Archer says with an open mouth as Shirou stands up, suitcase in his other hand as he takes a sip.

"Where is-"

"Did I give you permission to address me, mongrel?" Shirou says, interrupting Rin.

"O-Oh…" She blushes, drawing troubled and annoyed looks from everyone on her side, notably Kazuma.

'Are you kidding me!?' Kazuma thinks.

Rin glances away.

'Excellent delivery young man! You have successfully strained them with only a few words.' Gilgamesh says in telepathy at Shirou, who tries to keep from grinning to maintain the look.

The only one not looking at Rin's primal reaction is Illya who is looking at Shirou, dressed in a well tailored black suit, the familiarity bringing up a memory from years ago when she was on Kiritsugu's shoulders.

"Daddy?" Illya says, drawing shocked looks all around and making Shirou drop the wine glass with wide eyes and a groan.

"Mistress?!" Sella shouts.

"She doesn't have bad taste…though a little young for me~." Leysritt says while looking at Sella and Cu, making them both shudder and pale.

"And you ragged on me how many times this week?" Rin asks.

"N-not your kind of daddy!" Illya says, now realizing the implication of her words.

'Abort, abort, I repeat, abort the plan Gilgamesh! I seduced the worst possible wrong person here!' Shirou thinks in telepathy, only getting an ecstatic telepathic laugh that becomes an audible uproarious laugh from the second floor, snapping everyone from their shock as he jumps over the railing and lands next to Shirou, now standing with regal bearing.

"I suppose it is about time we commenced with your slaughter…Don't you agree, Priest?" Gilgamesh asks and a dozen blades fly out from another floor, causing Kazuma, Rin, and Illya barely evade them.

The servants either smoothly dodge them or deflect them outright.

Leysritt grabs Sella and jumps up to the floor where the daggers were thrown, confronting the smiling priest who has more knifes in hand already. Sella stops Leysritt from charging in, a chill from Kirei's smile making her wary even as the sound of steel is heard below.

"…Why are you smiling?"

"Pardon me, I just found it amusing I get to kill another homunculus after this many years…I believe it was 10 years now since that night~." Kirei says, his words shocking and angering the maids.

Cu resists the urge to go up to the upper floor, now concerned with the myriad of weapons appearing behind Gilgamesh.

"Now…dance for me!" Gilgamesh says, and with a wave of a hand, unleashes a barrage of Noble Phantasms.

As the servants dodge and deflect the onslaught, marginally easier with Gilgamesh divided between them all, they start the plan.

"I am the bone of my sword…" Archer says while deflecting a spear for his head

"That….that chant!" Shirou mutters in shock.

"Steel is my Body and fire is my Blood."

'Not yet…Need to wait another moment!'

"I have created over a thousand blades=" Saber cuts a sword going for Archer's side before jumping away, drawing Gilgamesh's eye for a very needed moment.

"Unknown to death, nor known to life." Cu Chulainn kicks him out of the way from a barrage of cursed daggers. It was an agreed upon measure before hand, but it still annoys Archer to relive that moment.

"Have…withstood pain…To create many weapons…" He groans out.

"What in the world are you saying in the middle of your execu-Hm!?" Gilgamesh takes a step back as a chained dagger nearly hits him, fully drawing his ire on a smiling Rider.

"Yet these hands will never hold anything."

Medea fires a salvo at Gilgamesh, making him use Rho Aias before sending out chains to tie up Caster.

Rin throws a bag of gems at Gilgamesh. Even though she missed, it draws Gilgamesh's gaze upon her, making him stop.

"You! How in the world are you here?!" He shouts.

'How much longer Archer?! Wait…'

"Why are you so shocked I'm here? I'm a master!"

"Wait…You're the ward?!"

"So as I pray…"

'Now!' Kazuma thinks, raising his hand the same time as gears and swords overtake the castle.

"Unlimited Blade Works!"

"Steal!"

Archer fires a salvo the same time as the blinding light appears.

Each and every blade is matched and destroyed by Gilgamesh.

"Did you really think a little light would have saved you?" Gilgamesh asks, puzzled at their smiles.

The only one not smiling is Kazuma.

In his hands is a lacy pair of purple panties.

'What the Hell…It should have been that guy's ultimate sword! I even had Rin go commando to make this work so why…?'

"He…Hahaha!" Shirou laughs out loud before bringing out the suitcase and letting it fall open, showing rows of dozens of neatly folded panties.

"You face the entirety of Sakura's underwear drawer, the pinnacle of anti theft defense!"

 

[Davos]

"What?!" Archer shouts the same time as Kazuma and Rin.

Rider readies her dagger, a new target in mind.

Medea chokes against the tightening divine chains.

Cu Chulainn continues dodging weapons.

Gilgamesh pulls out EA at a languid pace.

"That was most amusing, but now it is time you all-"

Saber takes a running slash at Kazuma, making him scream.

"…What?" Gilgamesh and Shirou ask at the same time at seeing Saber try to murder Kazuma.

"Why?!"

"Your plan failed; If we are about to die, I will die with the pleasure of you fading on my blade!" Saber shouts.

"Isn't he your ally?" Gilgamesh asks.

"Not by choice!" Saber yells while trying to hit Kazuma, his auto evade barely dodging Saber's frenzied strikes.

"Isn't this against your philosophy? Chivalry and all that?"

"If you want to see the full extent of my chivalry, then continue choking Caster so she does not stop me."

"Did you forget about me?!" Cu says, standing between Saber and Kazuma, before starting a fight in earnest.

"I am in no mood for the squabble of lesser-." Gilgamesh is cut off when he sees Saber violently slam a metal boot into the Child of Light's crotch, eliciting cries of horror from the maids a floor above, and unwanted sympathetic grimaces from all the men present.

Even Kirei frowns while still holding back Leysritt's spear as the Hound falls to his knees

Gilgamesh however finds himself staring at Artoria, stunned, intrigued, and another feeling he has not felt as often.

"Saber, I want to kill Kazuma too but- Ah!" Archer narrowly avoids a spear.

"Let the King of Knights do as she pleases!" Gilgamesh proclaims, making Shirou look at him flatly.

The flatness flattens further when he brings out a bag of popcorn.

"Steal!" Kazuma says in desperation, but instead of purple panties, he gets white.

Saber starts charging up her Noble Phantasm.

"…Seriously Kazuma?" Rin asks.

"It's random!"

"I can't believe he stole her underwear again…" Shirou says while eating some popcorn.

"He stole that before?" Gilgamesh asks while nonchalantly deflecting Archer's barrage.

"EX-"

"AHHH!" Rin and Kazuma scream while hugging each other.

"CALIBUR!"

The beam of light goes directly for the pair of them.

When it fades, they are gone, and Saber smiles, taking a deep breath before turning the blade on herself.

"Saber no!" Gilgamesh shouts.

She ignores him and is about to plunge the blade when she hears an insufferable pair of laughing. She looks up and sees Cu Chulainn holding both masters in each arm, one panting hard, the other spinning her underwear with smart aleck grin.

Cu has a light rune cooked potato in his mouth that disappears a second later.

"I have finally eaten a potato! Your doom is guaranteed Goldy!"

Gilgamesh looks at Shirou for an explanation.

"Kazuma planted a potato garden that has a lot of mana."

"Oh, that was why you blew it up?" He asks before noticing Archer is within arm reach of them, his twin blades raised and ready to strike them down in a desperation.

"Archer…"

"Now you-" Archer is interupptted by Gilgamesh's boot connecting with his head in a crisp pivot.

"Kick!" Gilgamesh shouts, sending Archer flying.

A moment later the reality marble vanishes.

"I think that was your best one yet."

"It was. Who knew I had to stop thinking about posing to get the best effect?"

'Oh this is bad…' Kazuma and Rin think as Cu drops them off.

"You bastard!" Rider shouts and a moment later neighing is heard.

"What the- a Pegasus?!" Gilgamesh shouts as the beast and Rider converge on him. Gilgamesh tries to skewer but is stopped by another barrage by a grinning and half conscious Archer.

"Gae Bolg!" Cu Chulainn shouts, extra energy emanating from his spear as the shot goes towards them.

A moment later the Pegasus whines horribly before veering off course crashing to the ground. Rider kneels next to it, gasping and pushing against the gaping wound at its heart.

"Cinnamon?! No!" Rider shouts with unusual emotion, making Archer and Kazuma glare at Cu.

"This is better than television…Did you just kill your ally's mount and save us?" Gilgamesh asks with an open mouth while chaining up a crying Medusa.

"…When there are multiple possible targets it's sometimes randomized." Cu says as Archer approaches with clenched fists.

"Potato. Now."

Cu hands over a potato before getting slugged and falling to the ground.

"I'll remember that!" Leysritt shouts while trying o stab a weaving Kirei.

Archer turns around and swallows the potato in three bites.

Unlimited Blades Works appears once more.

Archer approaches Gilgamesh while holding Rin by the scruff of her neck.

"Archer?! What are you-"

"Don't make me look at her…" Gilgamesh says with closed eyes.

"Why not? This is Kirei's ward, Rin Tohsaka, the one you had so thoroughly corrupted over the years!"

"No…No! It can't be! She looks too much like her!" Gilgamesh shouts with open eyes, now fully looking at Rin.

"What, do I look like your ex?"

Gilgamesh gags at the question and summons a holy vomit cup from his treasury for use.

"This is no time for seasickness Gilgamesh!"

"…I'm truly cursed…"

"This is an even worse time for an existential crisis!"

Rin frowns despite the fortunate turn around.

Archer frowns when his latest salvo is deflected.

"I am the bone of my sword…" Shirou says.

'How dare you use Unlimited Blade Works against me!' Archer thinks with a scowl.

"Steel is my resolve, and fire is my judgment."

'Wait…what?'

"I have culled over a thousand mongrels."

'Oh that little-' Archer thinks with a scowl as more blades are countered in mid flight.

"Unknown to death, nor known to life~." Shirou says with the slightest of grins.

"You son of a-"

"Steal!" Illya shouts, and after the light fades, she is holding Shirou's dress jacket and shirt, leaving him half naked.

"O-o-oh!" Rin says, drooling while still dangling in Archer's grip. Archer covers his head while Kazuma glares. Illya is scarlet and trying to explain she is not a pervert.

"…Withstood pain…to create order…" Shirou says with red cheeks while avoiding eye contact.

"This has to be one of the worst timelines…"

"And these hands will hold everything!"

"Steal! Steal! Steal!" Kazuma shouts repeatedly, taking many pairs of purple panties, including another white pair and a saucy red pair, eliciting groans of anger from Medea and Medusa.

"Sorry!"

"So as I fight…Unlimited Babylon Works!"

'How dare you not use Unlimited Blade Works against me!' Archer thinks in growing rage as half the reality marble changes from wasteland with clockwork gears and swords to an oasis with swords and guns.

"You face unlimited arms, the ultimate armory!"

"I never thought I could be angrier with you before this week…but my fury can no longer be contained!" Archer shouts before tossing a smiling Rin aside and beginning an earnest clash with Shirou.

Kazuma catches Rin and begins trying to think.

'I've gotten out of bad situations before…what can I do!? Wait…what would I do if my party was here? No, that's a stupid question…Megumin would cast Explosion, Darkness would directly into an attack and Aqua would cry while casting- THAT'S IT!' Kazuma thinks before reaching with his hand.

"…How many of my sister's panties do you want?"

"Sacred Steal!" He says and an even greater light fills the room, blinding everyone present.

This time, in his hands, aren't panties…

But an urn.

"What the Hell?"

"How the Hell did you get that?!" Shirou and Shirou shout at the same time.

"What is it?" Kazuma asks.

"My adopted father's ashes!"

"Oh…this is worthless!" Kazuma says before chucking it as hard as he can.

The sheer shock from such an act breaks both reality marbles.

"The sacrilege!" Kirei shouts.

"That is just wrong…" Gilgamesh says, finally recovering.

"You really are a-" Rin stops when she sees Kazuma pale and focusing on something in the distance. Looking in that direction Rin sees her too and stammers.

On the third floor, now covered in ashes with the urn resting atop her purple hair is Sakura, looking first at a half naked Shirou holding a half empty suit case of her underwear, then at Kazuma surrounded by the other half of her underwear with Rin next to him.

"…You really are worse than Shinji." She says as her eyes go red and her hair starts turning white.

"Oh no…" Archer mutters.

 

[Davos]

"I'm worse than Shinji?! How the Hell can you say that?!" Kazuma shouts with the entirety of his soul.

"Kazuma, if you ever listen to anything I say, let it be now-" Archer starts but flinches when he hears Sakura slam a fist into railing above, making it shatter.

"Are you seriously feigning offense when you are swimming in the underwear I had to replace!?"

"Kazuma! Do not anger her anymore than she is now and we may still-"

"That is not my fault! I can't control this skill!"

"So using it is out of your control too?!"

"Kazuma! Stop being yourself!"

"Why are you so concerned about this random young woman when I am here?" Gilgamesh asks.

"That's because-"

"I don't have many options here!"

"Oh really?!" Sakura shouts back with a double armed gesture to all the servants.

"Two are tied up, one is insane and wants to kill me, another can't stop her and lead to one being tied up and- Oh why am I even bothering trying to explain this to a dumb bitch like you!?"

"Hey that's still my sister Kazuma!" Rin says putting Kazuma in a headlock.

"Little late to be protective!" Sakura says, half her hair white now.

"Oh Gods, there's a second one…" Gilgamesh mutters, biting back bile.

"Kazuma! Please do not say anything else that will-"

"Your sisters hotter!" Kazuma shouts, and Sakura's hair becomes fully white.

Archer bangs the flat of his blades against his head.

"This is beginning to bore me." Gilgamesh says before shooting a spear into Sakura, eliciting a cry of furious horror from Rin.

"It's too late; you should have done that sooner." Archer says.

"Archer!?"

"You don't understand Rin. Of all the timelines I went through, Sakura is the worst enemy."

"How is she the worst opponent you faced? I am right here!" Gilgamesh says.

"She kills you in the other timelines. She is the bearer of the grail and can devour servants or create blackened versions of them." Archer says.

"And why would I believe-"

"HeheheHa hahaha!" Sakura continues laughing while standing back up, her wound already healed as she absorbs the spear for mana.

"…This is worse than what happened with that screaming knight."

"I'm a Counter Guardian and relived this war dozens of times now. Whenever she gets like this it leads to all our deaths."

"…Shirou."

"On it." Shirou says and places a hand on Gilgamesh's shoulder.

"Lurk." Shirou says and they both vanish. Medea and Medusa fall to the ground now.

"…Is everyone just stealing my playbook?" Kazuma asks as Sakura walks toward them.

"You will be the first to die Kazuma~."

"Like Hell!" Archer says.

"You will do no such thing!" Saber says.

"That is not your act to enjoy." Gilgamesh says, breaking Shirou's lurk.

"The Lord may work in mysterious ways, but you are not one of them, Sakura Matou."

"Because…" Shirou trails off before finishing along with everyone else.

"I will kill him!"

"…You sure have a funny way of bringing people together…" Rin says.

"By my command seal, you will not stop me from using my Noble Phantasm!" Saber shouts before looking at Illya.

'How does she have command seals?!' Gilgamesh and Shirou wonder, the shock.

"Illya, get behind me." Saber says before she charges up her sword, and launches the beam of light at Sakura, taking out that side of the wall; Leysritt lands nearby with Sella and both glare at Saber.

Kirei meanwhile lands elsewhere.

Then Saber raises her sword again, drawing energy once more, making Medea groan.

Then she raises it once more.

"I don't have that much mana!" Medea shouts as a giant black mass forms behind Sakura.

"I know!" Saber says with a smile.

"By my command seal un-"

"EXCALIBUR!"

"GAHHH!"

Saber stop! You're killing Medea!" Rider shouts.

"That's the plan!"

"But why!? She's a good person!"

Saber stops in her tracks and looks at Rider.

Rider raises her dagger, unnerved by the smiling knight.

Rider gets entangled by a black tendril and pulled towards Sakura.

Archer tosses his short swords at the tendril as well as a dozen blades, but it barely slows the pull, instead speeding up as Medusa is pulled all the way to Sakura.

A moment later, a great groan is heard and Sakura falls to her knees, not moving, and giving them a brief moment to act freely.

Archer starts for Saber but stops when she raises her blade again, barely dodging the latest use of her noble phantasm.

Sakura and the mass are still standing, but regenerating more slowly as the mass expands after taking Rider in attempting something.

"Gah…not…how I wanted to…At least I'll remember this week…and you…Elizabeth~." Medea says with a pained grin as she vanishes, making Saber's eye twitch once more, and Kazuma salute her. Rin looks at him flatly.

Sakura is still standing and grinning.

Archer grabs Saber.

"The Hell is wrong with you!?"

"She said so something so absurd I couldn't move~."

"…If you want absurd, then-"

Archer leans in and whispers to Saber one of his most fondly thought of night with her and Rin.

Saber looks at him wide eyed.

"You're lying…!"

"Am I?" He asks and Saber groans and starts gagging. A golden cup vomit cup appears next to her feet.

"I thought you would need this…This Archer is excellent at disgusting guerilla tactics upon one's psyche." Gilgamesh says, and after a moment of hesitation, Saber uses the cup.

Kazuma takes out three potatoes and lightly cook them. A moment later Cu stands back up from the smell and eats one along with Kazuma and Rin.

'Oh I leveled up…Doubt I can learn anything that will… wait…'

Gilgamesh and Shirou appear once more, and Gilgamesh raises EA.

"As vengeance for killing me in another timeline, and for claiming my kills, I will destroy you with-"

Archer raises his hand towards Gilgamesh.

'Not like it can hurt.'

"Steal!" Archer says and after the light fades, he finds himself holding EA instead of Gilgamesh.

"Oh my God it actually worked…!"

"Mongrel!" Gilgamesh shouts with true fury.

"But how?! A major part of how 'steal' works is the users luck and I thought yours was crap!" Kazuma shouts.

"Maybe my luck is turning around?" Archer asks with a cocky one eyed grin and a shrug of his shoulders.

A metal clanging is heard when his hand holding EA melts away.

Archer screams from the pain nearly blinding him.

Gilgamesh laughs.

"As expected, this is what happens when a mongrel dares grab EA!" He says before taking a step to the weapon.

"Bind!" Kazuma says, pinning Gilgamesh's arms to his sides.

For a second until he cuts it with a dagger.

"Bind!"

"The same trick won't work ag-" Gilgamesh stops when he sees rope around EA. Kazuma pulls it back to him, drawing a wide eyed glare from Gilgamesh.

Shirou pulls out his gun.

Gilgamesh summons his gate.

Saber stands aside, pulling Illya along with her, drawing confused looks.

"I want him dead too."

Gil and Shirou don't need another answer, and fire away.

Their shots are cut down by beams of magical energy.

"Is she awake already?!" Gilgamesh mutters before looking towards the black mass, finding Medusa is out of the mass with a brand new body.

A surplus of scales along her body, legs replaced with a snake's body, dull yellow wings, and snake heads for hair whipping about, ready to shoot out more beams.

"You will not harm him…" Medusa says in a growl.

"You would defend this deplorable man?" Gilgamesh asks, reaching for EA out of habit before realizing it is still tied up.

"Not him…Him." Medusa says, gesturing to Archer.

"What? Why?" Shirou asks.

"I know why…but I didn't expect you to recall that after going in there…" Cu says.

"Not like I can forget~….Though I would understand why no longer share such-" Medusa stops when Archer begins walking towards her.

"What? But I'm-"

"You were always taller than me. As far as I'm concerned, nothing has changed~." Archer says, and Medusa blushes, bringing a snake to cover her face.

"…What?" Sakura says in disbelief.

"…I am truly fortunate to have met you Shirou Emiya." Medusa says with the most sincere of smiles.

"What?!" Shirou shouts in shock and horror.

"Oh right…you never did learn who I am. I am a fool who made a deal with Gaia to be a hero, and my name is Shirou Emiya. I am your future~!" Archer says as he is picked up gently by a dozen or so snakes towards Medusa.

Shirou points the gun at his own head.

Gilgamesh stops him.

"Shirou no! He is obviously lying!"

"You dream of that fire from 10 years ago most nights."

"That is just applying basic biographical details!"

"You spent an inordinately long time trying and failing at high jump years ago."

"He probably got that information from Shinji or the tart of a ward!"

"Martha Stewart is one of your idols."

"It is not shameful to admire a master of their craft!"

"You have taken to enjoy doing Taiga's laundry for unsavory reasons." Shirou says, making Shirou groan.

"Milfs are a venerable fetish found throughout the world across all ages!" Gilgamesh says with an outstretched arm.

"It's true!" Kazuma says with a thumbs up and a sparkle in his eye, making Rin crack a knuckle.

"Shut up mongrel!" Gilgamesh and Shirou shout at the same time.

"I think I'm gonna be sick…" Sakura says as a vomit cup appears near her from Gilgamesh.

"This will be the only kindness you receive from me." Gilgamesh says before pushing Shirou out the way as Kazuma swings the rope tied EA, smashing it into Gilgamesh's face with a satisfying crunch and sending the King of Heroes staggering a few steps.

"As thanks for your kindness, I'll make your death quick~."

Tendrils loop around Gilgamesh and pull him towards Sakura, already devouring his spirit. Despite the pain, Gilgamesh manages to open his Gate of Babylon in two locations. The first is near Shirou, looping a spear shaft into his belt loop and send him flying at a great speed away from this fight.

"You bastard…!" Kirei mutters.

The second is directly above Sakura.

"If you think me easy prey without my most trusted confidant…then you will realize the magnitude of your mistake here and now!" Gilgamesh shouts as his armory is emptied onto Sakura and the black mass, each weapon's speed distorting its appearance to look like shooting stars, the force of each stab akin to an artillery shot, Sakura's surprised screams a constant undertone as she hurries to devour Gilgamesh before succumbing herself.

Kazuma stands up and locks eyes with Illya. They nod and she tugs on Saber's sleeve.

"My will creates your body…" Illya says.

"…And my sword your destiny." Saber says as seals appear on Illya's hand.

Kazuma swipes on his adventurer card, learning a new spell before reaching out with his hand.

"Crimson flames of another world heed my call!" He starts and a massive circle appears overhead.

"Ex-"

"As I pray-"

"Incinerate my opponent with the breath of a distant giant!"

"I am not taking all of these Noble Phantasms direct- GAH!" Sakura finds herself unable to move. First by the chains of Enkidu…

Then by Medusa's Mystic eyes.

"What?! Why?!" Sakura mutters out before glancing over at Archer.

"…Are you kidding-"

"CALIBUR!"

"Unlimited Blades Works!"

"Explosion!"

The clash of otherworldly magic and Noble Phantasm, even as Gilgamesh's gate closes from being finally devoured sends a shockwave felt even in the city.

The black mass is gone when the dust fades.

But Sakura is still alive, though barely standing despite her grin.

"My…All that, and you only got me to the point where I could die now with the defenses around my heart weakened…Good thing there is plenty of food~."

"…You are the only good thing in this timeline Medusa."

"Likewise Magical Baby boy…"

Kazuma falls forward onto the ground.

Saber finds herself breathing heavily now as she hands Illya to Leysritt and Sella.

Cu stands up.

"Your heart, you say?" He asks and his spear glows. Everyone feels a moment of panic at the thought their fate is in Cu's hands with his Noble Phantasm.

Sakura feels a moment of panic as she shoots tendrils out at the nearest person.

Only for a magical wall of chalk to repel her reach.

"Wha?! Who are you people?!" Sakura shouts as four pairs of steps are heard.

"I'm just an easy going shopkeeper saving her best customer."

"Wait…Gudako?!" Kazuma asks, still face down on the ground.

"Oh my God…" Cu says.

"What is it? I can't move a muscle after that spell…" Kazuma says and Rin pulls him up to look at the four people. The first two are the shop owner siblings, then a girl with short purple hair and a huge shield, and finally a tall woman in a tight purple suit with purple hair and a spear identical to Cu's.

"How are you here Master?!"

 

[Davos]

"I'm with her." The purple haired woman says in an even tone while gesturing to the grinning red head girl.

"Wait, you're a master? Since when? And ho-" Kazuma is held up by his neck by Cu.

"Whatever you do, do not use that spell. The only one I can think of that could stop Scathach's rage would be Goldy, whatever the Hell Sakura is now, or a God, and it is still a toss up!" Cu whispers wide eyed at Kazuma.

"…I know you're saying this out of concern, but part of me wants to try it now…"

"Kazuma!"

"Now I'm interested in this spell. Would you mind a friendly duel later, young man? You can even include my pupil if you wish…if what I heard is true, he sorely needs reminders of the fundamentals~." Scathach says, making Cu pale.

"We should deal with the singularity first Scathach." Gudao says.

"I know, but it is hardly worth the effort with how damaged she is now…in fact…" Scathach trails off, looking at Cu now.

"She should be at the proper point of vulnerability for you to show me you haven't entirely slacked off Setanta…I have heard about how inept you became the last two weeks." Scathach says with a slight smile that chills Cu more than the thrashing from a darkened Sakura against the magical walls.

"…Don't you think that is a little too much pressure?" Kazuma asks.

"The Hound performs best with the threat of death over his head." Scathach says as Cu looks for a sturdy piece of pillar for tying himself to.

"Indeed he does, Sella too." Leysritt says, puzzling Scathach when Sella glares at Leysritt.

"…My defenses won't hold forever Senpai."

"I know Mash, but Scathach is…well being herself." Gudao says.

"You heard her Cu. Show us what you got!" Gudako says with crossed arms.

Cu looks at Kazuma.

Kazuma nods and uses a command seal to empower Cu, making the glow of his spear brighten, appearing like a small sun in his hands as he lowers himself. Taking a quick breath he launches his ultimate attack, the red line going straight, then zig zagging until it goes for it's target.

"Gae Bolg!"

"AHH!"

Sakura falls backwards, and fades into ashes.

Rin looks on quietly as a grail appears, floating above said ashes.

Everyone starts to stir when Gudako grabs the grail and tosses it into a small bag that doesn't increase in size.

"Wait…what are you going to do with that? Isn't that thing corrupted?" Kazuma asks.

"Long story, but yes and no, and I can use it without risk."

"…You're not just a depraved shopkeeper are you?" Kazuma asks.

"How can you ask me that, Kazzy? I'm hurt!"

"She is depraved though." Gudao says, getting a frown from Ritsuka.

"I'm just a healthy young woman."

"You're the catalyst of my misery…?" Saber mutters with needle point eyes.

"You didn't like the outfits?" Ritsuka asks, prompting Saber's sword to glow.

"EX-"

A circle appears around Saber, making her stop.

Saber fades away, and a rip in the air forms.

"I…I'm too late to help aren't I?" Eris asks.

"You stopped Saber. That's plenty Eris!"

"I didn't quite stop her so much as…well, fixing a few mistakes that got through the cracks."

"As busy as ever Eris…Unlike that blue one that you allow to control you." Scathach says.

"L-Lady Scathach?! Did something happen in your domain?"

"No, I am a servant at the moment."

"That's surprising…"

Kazuma looks towards Cu.

"Master is ruler of another realm and became semi divine and semi immortal as well. She likely met a few deities over the years."

"…I thought you were a warrior from a few centuries ago?"

"I am. I'm also part divine."

'…Is everyone in this war divine?...wait, does she still want to do that duel?'

"Hello again Eris! Are any of those loose ends related to the mini singularity?" Gudao asks.

"This was a mini one…?" Kazuma asks.

"No, it's more soul logistics and cleaning up Gaia's sloppiness…" Eris says before a circle appears around Emiya, making him vanish.

Medusa is stunned for a moment before shooting a beam into the hole, eliciting a scream.

"Eris!"

"I'm fine…she hit Artoria."

Medusa fires again.

"EX….Calibur?"

"You can't use your weapon here!"

"Why not!?"

"Do I really have to- I'll contact you later Kazuma…By the way, you can die normally now, that issue was fixed!" Eris says and the rip fades.

"What perfect timing." Scathach says before raising her spear towards Cu Chulainn and Kazuma.

"…I think we're a bit too tired to properly challenge." Kazuma says.

"I doubt you could give me a challenge even at your best. But leaving my student alone after hearing those reprehensible failures would be remiss of me, and I am curious about this skill of yours that has him in a panic."

"I'm out of mana…"

"Don't you know a lich skill that can remedy that problem?"

"…How do you know about that?"

"I can see it in your mana…that said, I am surprised you have such a twisted individual as a master Setanta."

"Circumstances…"

"I see…be that as it may, you will not escape this training." Scathach says before stepping into a stab for Cu's chest. The point still draws blood as he deflects it, leaving a red mark against his blue suit as he responds with a counter slash to push Scathach back for breathing room.

She is already slashing back at him, making him retreat while evading and countering against her crisp heavy blows. Cu side steps a blow using his spear as a jumping aid for more distance, evading Scathach's blow that shatters the pillar he was going to use to tie himself down.

"How have you survived this week?" Scathach asks, slowing when Kazuma raises a hand towards her.

"Kazuma no!"

"I don't fear courting death!" Kazuma says, looking at Rin with an annoyance.

"You get to look at me like that!"

"Steal!"

After the light fades, Kazuma gasps with everyone else at what is in his hand.

It is Scathach's bright red spear.

"Impressive!" She says with a smile before summoning another one into her hand.

"…You have more than one?" Kazuma asks, looking away from Rin's needle point glare as the implication of this steal becomes apparent to him, horrifying Cu Chulainn, and making Medusa stare flatly.

"Yes. I can summon dozens for an anti army attack if I wish."

'…You can do all that while going commando?' Kazuma thinks with a stiff grin.

Gudao, Mash, and Scathach look at him puzzled.

Gudako grins with a suspicion but remains quiet.

Then a light surrounds Medusa as she starts to fade.

"…My current form must take up too much mana to maintain…a shame. As a parting gift, the priest is over there." Medusa says and Cu dashes over.

"What did this holy man do to annoy Cu so much?" Scathach asks.

"Killed his original master, tried to forcibly make him his servant, and if Emiya was speaking truthfully about the Counter Guardian and multiple timeline part, made him a scout and killed him at some point."

"…I see." Scathach says with a frown before going towards the sound of screaming.

A moment later the screaming hits a new height as instructions on how to stab without killing someone are told.

"…I'm surprised she believed that…" Rin says.

"She met with Gaia before in her realm and Emiya back at Chaldea." Gudao says.

"Chaldea?"

"Basically an organization that saves the world." Gudako says.

"By…selling kinky clothes?" Kazuma asks.

"That…was Senpai's idea in this unusual singularity." The purple haired servant says.

"We needed a cover, and you two refused to be models!"

"I was not going to have that talk with Scathach!" Gudao says.

"She was fine with wearing a bikini before!" Gudako says.

"That was during an uninhabited island singularity!"

"Do you have pictures?" Kazuma asks, prompting Rin to pull his ear.

"Yes~! How much are you willing to pay?" Gudako says, making Gudao pull her back.

"She's going to be an insufferable merchant for weeks now…" Gudao mutters.

The screaming ends.

Master and student returned covered in blood and smiling.

"Just like the Cu back in Chaldea." Gudako says.

"What?"

"We summon servants to help."

"…Are there positions open?" Rin asks.

"Not sure in this timeline, why?"

"I…think I just inherited my caretaker's debts and need employment." Rin says with vacant eyes and a shudder.

"I know how you can make some money~." The red headed girl says with a smile while looking Rin over before being pulled away by both Mash and her brother.

"Isn't helping people part of our mission?!"

"This is exactly why we are on a police watch list Senpai…"

"How was I supposed to know that purple haired girl was a student?!"

"She was in uniform sis."

"She could have been a teacher! You were looking at her too!" Gudako says, making Gudao look away.

"This is why she ran this way uon seeing you after that day of repeated solicitations…"

"Wait, you scared Sakura into coming here?!" Rin and Kazuma ask at the same time.

"Was that her name?" Gudako asks.

"She was right here…"

"She was? Where?"

"…She was the one with white hair." Illya says, making the trio blanche.

Scathach chuckles.

"…You dumbasses almost killed us…!" Kazuma says.

"…I'll give you a discount?" Gudako offers before Kazuma grasps her shoulder with a sincere smile.

"I know how you can repay us…Leysritt-"

"On it, 'Scumbag Supreme'! Leysritt says before hoisting Gudako onto her shoulder.

Mash and Scathach raise their weapons.

"I know she caused some trouble, but I cannot let you kill her."

"Oh, I'm not going to kill her."

"Then what are you going to do?" Mash asks.

Kazuma explains, shocking everyone.

Then he starts reasoning with them, slowly winning them over with the sweetness of revenge, justice, or money.

"The matriarchy will remember this betrayal brother!" Gudako says while being carried away.





===

"I believe the negotiations are done now…Is everyone happy with these- uh…" Eris trails off when she sees the grown tanned man hunched over and crying.

"Finally…no more wet work! And I didn't have to kill myself!"

"Wow…I'm so happy for you." Artoria says in utter monotone.

"It's not my fault I didn't know there was such advances from humans…" Gaia says in spirit form.

"It is entirely your fault!"

Gaia hides behind her invisible hands at the three yelling at her.

Archer sighs and sits back with a smile.

"God damned shut in…"

Gaia starts crying.

'I wonder how Rin is doing?'



===

"You sure you don't want to watch?" Kazuma asks as Gudao leaves

"I would have before you picked that outfit…" He says.

"You don't think its fitting?"

"She's still my sister. Besides I know Mash and Scathach will keep things under control."

"Alright."

Kazuma goes back inside and freezes at the sight before him.

"…I was never supposed to be the waifu…" Gudako says sullenly while looking at the bunny girl outfit she is wearing.

But striking as she is, that is not what has Kazuma in a stupor.

"I do not see why you are complaining. This is surprisingly easy to move in!"

Scathach the bunny girl is what has him transfixed.

Mash has a hand at her head.

Rin stares flatly at Kazuma.

Leysritt steps out in a bunny outfit of her own.

Sella grimaces and leaves the room with a pale Cu and traumatized Illya.

He holds up a large bag with a dozen outfits.

She blushes while staring with clenched fists.

He holds up another bag with a dozen outfits for him to wear.

She widens her eyes and asks him a silent question.

He answers by crossing himself.

She smiles and helps him take pictures.

===



After playing peacemaker and sending both heroes on their way, Eris begins looking for Kazuma to bring him back.

"Ok…that should be enough time for them to say their goodbyes. I'll just go and-"

"You're just an irredeemable sinner, aren't you?~"

"I'm sorry father, I just can't hold this hunger back any longer~."

Eris closes the rip with red cheeks as a sound she shouldn't hear starts, setting an alarm reminder to try again in the morning.

'…Goodness knows he deserves it after this so called vacation…'



===



"…Why are we out at this hour Mistress?"

"You know why Leysritt." Illya says as they continue wandering the streetlight lit streets.

"…The war is over and Cu is the only remaining servant. Do you really need a bodyguard now?"

"No, but Sella asked me to keep you away."

"That greedy little bottom!" Leysritt mutters.

'…Least my life can't get worse.' Illya thinks with vacant eyes as a light rain starts.



===

Eris opens the rip again and closes it immediately again, thankful and horrified at the whip cream.

'…Maybe I'll ask the Child of Light to help?' Eris thinks before finding him in his room, mouth dropping open.

"Is this why they called you the ah~ hound? Because I truly have become your-"

Eris closes it again.

'I'm not even going to check on the one named Illya…'



===

The next morning, Kazuma turns around to grab Rin only to find an empty bed. After dressing and a minute of looking, he finds Rin staring blankly at a wall.

"…Is the pharmacy closed today?"

Rin taps at a letter on the desk and Kazuma picks it up.

"We share our condolences at your caretaker's passing and regret to inform you that his debts, as per contractual obligations, are now passed onto you. Due to the suddenness of these circumstances, we will place you in a grace period until 1 year after you finish high school, or 1 year after you finish any higher education or trade school program." The first letter says.

The second letter has a similar blurb but only 6 months of a grace period.

The third also has 6 months.

The rest are less forgiving.

One even stated that there will be no grace period and has given her a higher interest rate than Kirei due to a lack of a financial history, and Kazuma is only halfway through the pile.

"This…can't be legal…"

"It is…prior contract and other legal jargon that I was able to translate says so…I'm half sure I could fight some of them, but that requires a lawyer…and more money than I have even if I were to sell my place, which, along with the church is the collateral if I cannot pay…" Rin says in a drained, even tone he knows too well from his time in debt. He places a hand on her shoulder as an idea comes to him.

"…I think I have an idea but I want to ask first, do you have any family?"

"Not really, think I have some relatives in Europe, but I remember being told as a child not to trust them…"

"Friends? Anyone you would miss?"

"Getting kind of strange with the questions there Kazuma, but no…I'm kind of a loner now that I think about it…"

"I thought you were popular in school?"

"No one approaches the pretty girl…And why are you asking this?"

"How do you feel about coming to that other world with me?"

"I…thought you would stay here after the war?"

"Unfortunately, I have a quest in that otherworld, and I suspect I will have to go back to it soon…Honestly I'm surprised Eris didn't come sooner." Kazuma says.

"Pfft~!"

"Oh grow up…pfft!"

"But…would she even allow that."

"I can guilt her into it, and you convince her it would be merciful."

"Somehow I'm not surprised you would suggest that Scumzuma…but there are a few other things I want to do before that~." Rin says with a glint in her eye as she finishes writing on a paper.

"What's that?" Kazuma asks and Rin whispers it to him.

"…And you call me scum?"

"So you don't want to do that?" Rin asks with a smirk

"Don't put words in my mouth~." Kazuma says with a matching grin.



===

'I should check on them…but I really don't want to.' Eris thinks before hearing Kazuma yell for her.

'Thank goodness, it's all out of his system!' Eris thinks before opening a rip with a smile; a smile that falls when she sees Kazuma and Rin standing in front of a burning church.

"Kazuma…"

"Yes I'm Kazuma."

"What is this?"

"I'm sorry, I can't hear you. Can you make the rip bigger or something?"

Eris does just that.

"What is-huh?!" Eris jumps up when Kazuma and Rin enter the hole into the afterlife.

"Sorry Eris, but I have a request."

"Uh, sure, but why is she here?!"

"She's the request. I want to take her with me to Axel."

"You cannot be serious! That's kidnapping!"

"I want to go."

"It's worse than what you did with- wait what?"\

"If I go back there, I'll just be in endless debt. Besides, I already burned down my home and the church, the only two assets to my name, and everyone I loved is dead, and, as shocking it is, I am rather fond of this scumbag~."

'I know…but…' Eris thinks with thinly disguised pain.

"Fine, since it would be worse to send her back, and this was a colossal horror of a vacation, I'll allow it…But what about the Child of Light?"

"About him…since he did win the war, but the Holy Grail was taken by someone else can you-"

Eris groans with a hand at her head.

"This is so beyond protocol…but fine. It's not like I haven't went past that with your request about Illya and her maids."

"You're the best Eris! I promise to be a better person from now on."

Rin stifles a laugh.

Eris does too.

"S-sorry!"

"I'm not! Gahaha!"

"You little-!" Kazuma takes a breath and smiles.

'I'll get her back later…but for now onto a new adventure!'

 

[Davos]

Kazuma is pulled up along with Rin.

A portal appears above him as he goes further up.

'That's new…Wait why is there-'

The next moment Kazuma lands on his butt in the middle of a graveyard.

'Why would Eris send me here?' Kazuma thinks before looking for Rin, only to find himself alone in a graveyard.

'…No…' He thinks before going over to a tombstone. Even after finding one without cracks and faded writing, Kazuma still can't read it.

"…What the…?" He mutters before hearing a whoosh further in. Despite his nagging suspicions, he heads further in and finds a biker talking to someone. The next moment, the biker steps back and a familiar blonde now in red is holding a blade at the biker's neck.

'Where the Hell am I?!'



===

"Where the Hell is he?" Rin mutters while looking around, enjoying the view of flowing grass outside some gates. She heads toward the entrance, carrying her suitcase with her.

'Maybe he is further inside? Though I don't know why he would be teleported elsewhere…Wait…how do I find him?' Rin thinks while entering the city.



===



'Just got to stay quiet and back away slo-' His thought stops when he steps on a dry twig, the small crack resonating in Kazuma's ears like a gun shot as the Biker and Artoria look his way.

The scowling blonde is already at him, blade at his neck.

"Looks we got an eavesdropper, and a bad one at that."

"I'm not a servant!" Kazuma says with his hands up.

"That much is obvious…unfortunately we can't have witnesses. Make it quick Mordred."

"Don't tell me what to do!"

"You want to torture the poor guy?"

"Wait, you're Mordred?"

"You going to make a joke about my being a woman? Go ahead. But make your last words worth it~."

"No, I know better after dealing with Arthur."

"Oh looky, you read half a book about the Knights of the Round Table."

"Looks a lot like you, wears blue, has a braid thing going around their head." Kazuma fires off in quick succession, making Mordred freeze a moment before pressing the blade further forward, drawing a bead of blood and making Kazuma walk backwards.

"…Bring father here then."

"What?"

"Aren't you her Master? Isn't she the Saber of Black?"

"What?"

"What do you mean what?"

"As in I have no idea what you're saying! Aren't you Saber?"

"Yes, but that means you're on the other side…wait, why am I explaining this to you?"

"Sides? Like formal teams? In a Grail war?" Kazuma asks, further confusing Mordred and her biker looking master.

"…How do you know about a Grail War?" The biker asks.

"I was in one in Fuyuki."

"Japan?"

"Yes…where are we?" Kazuma asks, happier now that the blade is not pressing as hard into his neck.

"You're in Romania."

"…What?"



===



"This should be the place…Surprisingly not bad." Rin says after mentally double checking her directions. She knocks on the door and a blonde woman in armor answers.

"Hello?"

"H-hello, is Kazuma in?"

"Yes, one moment."

'Didn't expect to see a blonde knight so soon. I'm sure she is more even tempered and honorable than Saber.' Rin thinks before Kazuma comes to the door.

"Who are you?" He asks and Rin freezes with a stiff smile for a long minute before she grabs him by the neck with one magic circuit glowing hand.

"The Hell do you mean 'who are you?'?!"

"I've never seen you before!" Kazuma says and the hand at his neck tightens.

"Oh you don't get to play that card after making me burn my house down and come to this place after those two weeks!"

"You did- Why would you do- wait two weeks? He's been with us." The blonde woman says.

"What do you mean he's been here for two weeks?" Rin shouts as a blue haired woman and shorter girl come around the corner.

"What did Scumzuma do to you?" The blue haired girl asks.

"I didn't do anything! I don't know her!" He starts to squeak when Rin presents a gander shot near his face.

"If you want me to stay somewhere else, that is one thing, but feigning amnesia?"

"I'm not faking it!"

"That is bull-" Rin stops when a rip in the air forms.

"What are you doing here Eris?" The blue haired woman asks.

"I…have some bad news and a confession to make Lady Aqua…"



===A few minutes earlier===





"You're telling me I'm in the middle of Europe, in a team death match Holy Grail War, tasked with killing a servant of the highest caliber, and it's all ARCHER'S fault?!"

"Why are you so mad about this! I thought you wanted to be a hero after taking on the Demon King thing from Aqua!" The rip in the air says, leaving Mordred and her master in stunned silence.

"So you kidnap me and teleport me half way around the planet after I got through a war!?"

"Archer-"

"Oh don't you use him to justify your behavior you shitty subconscious!"

"Please don't insult me! I only agreed because I know you can do it and Eris was really-"

"Don't you dare bad mouth Eris! Wait…how do you think I can kill a servant?"

"He said you had a powerful magic spell that annihilates everything in a space. It's sound perfect for Counter Guardian missions!"

"There will be collateral damage and I'll probably die!"

"That's fine!"

"No it isn't!"

"It is in the grand scheme of things! Trust the process! Besides, I can just revive you! Also, its one day a month you have to do this kind of work thanks to the revised program Archer and Eris hashed out! You should be happy!"

Kazuma raises his hand, surprising Alaya before she speaks.

"Seriously? You're going to try to steal the underwear of me, Alaya? I don't have a body! I don't wear clothes!" She says before laughing loudly, leaving Mordred and her master watching in pained silence.

"Steal!"

After the light fades, Kazuma finds himself holding a slightly see through plushy underwear with strange letters on it.

"How did you get that?!"

"And you said I couldn't steal your underwear! GAHAHA!"

"I don't wear underwear that is something much worse! Give it back!" Alaya says with a warble.

"Oh you want it?"

"Yes!"

"How badly?"

"…I-I'll get you wine and make it so you only have to do this once a year?"

That was all Kazuma needed to hear.

He pivots and chucks the plushy like a discus into a nearby raging river, making Alaya scream.

The Biker looks on with an open mouth.

Mordred starts to laugh right alongside Kazuma.

"I can't believe you did this, you have to go get it!"

"Get it yourself, or send some other guy you hoodwinked into this!"

"I can't! I can only have one Counter Guardian for any target now unless it was a group mission!"

"Then I guess you're stuck."

"Ah…I…I'm telling Eris!"

"Good! Maybe she can fix this!" Kazuma yells as the rip closes.

"Man, I can't tell if you're a coward or a riot!"

"I'm still torn between 'fool' and 'threat'."

"As long as you don't kill anyone uninvolved in this, I don't really care. Hell, I may even help you depending how things go."

"How can you help?" The biker asks and Kazuma looks over around.

"I have an idea!"



===



Rin looks at the rip as Eris finishes her recounting.

"You had a Kazuma bot here these last two weeks?! Do you have any idea how bad that could have been for us, me specifically?!"

"I-It's not like it was all bad!"

"It ruins everything! I thought we had Kazuma trained into giving foot rubs, and praising me like he should, and now you tell me it is all a lie?!

"Is Alaya next to you now?" She asks.

"Yes but why does that-"

Rin shoots a gander shot through the rip, getting a scream of pain.

"The audacity to shoot a God…! So cool!" Megumin says.

"…So evil…" Aqua mutters with a pale face.

"So…vile~." Darkness says with a smile.

"…What?" Rin asks.

"Nothing!" Darkness says while playing with her thumbs.

"…So when will he back?"

"We…don't know."

Rin raises her hand.

"Please no! I'm already organizing a squad to get him! He'll be dead within the day!" Alaya says.

"I don't want him dead!"

"We can revive him!"

"That is not the issue here! Dying must be very horrific! Can't you just send me over there to talk some sense into him?"

"I'm not sure he'll listen to you…He kind of just ignores you doesn't he? And aren't you kind of easily manipulated?" Alaya asks, making Rin reach through the rip and grab a neck.

"HA! That's not me, that's Eris you're choking!"

"Sorry!"

Coughing is what answers her for a moment.

"I'm…sure Kazuma will listen to her…though it might help if you bring someone else along…"

"So I don't get easily manipulated?" Rin asks with crossed arms.

"Yeah! Now you're getting it!" Alaya says in a cheery tone.

"...I can't tell if you're taunting me or are this stupid."

"I'm the collective unconsciousness of humanity; I have a lot of empty decks influencing my metaphysical noggin."

"She does, she's really dumb sometimes." Aqua says with as cheery a tone as a knock is heard at the door. Standing there is Cu Chulainn, his spear on his shoulder.

"Lancer! You can help! Kazuma is-"

Cu Chulainn fades away into a dull gold dust on the wind, leaving the four women openmouthed.

"…What just happened?" Rin asks.



===



Cu Chulainn finds himself reformed in a graveyard, Kazuma in front of him with three command seals.

"I didn't know you could make a summoning circle."

"I didn't. It was theirs." Kazuma says gesturing towards Mordred and the biker looking mage, Kairi.

"…They aren't trying to kill you? Wait is that-?!"

"That's Mordred, not Artoria, and not now they aren't. They seemed to like it when I annoyed the Hell out of Alaya by not being an assassin and stealing her underwear."

"…How long were you in this world?" Cu asks.

"About five minutes."

"…I'm honestly impressed. You know Red is over at your place right?"

"That's relief…Thought she was pulled into this Alaya bs too."

"She might, I can see her coming here and kicking your ass."

"…I do too unfortunately…" Kazuma says.

"So…your target is…?"

"Yeah it's me. You want to try taking a crack at me?" Mordred asks, sword on her shoulder.

"Hm~ I like the zeal, but I did contend with your pa. I doubt you can match me and my …spear?" Cu Chulainn asks as he raises a sword instead of Gae Bolg.

"…You normally a lancer?"

"Yes…"

"So that means you're at my mercy?"

"Pardon?"

"Don't worry, I don't enjoy picking on the weak~."

"Good thing I ain't weak." Cu says before spitting to the side and pointing his blade after a flourish.

Mordred smiles back and approaches.

"Oh my God, it's happening again…" Kazuma mutters.

 

[Davos]

Cu raises his sword, almost placing a hand on the blade like a spear shaft.

'First day in a new Grail war and I'm fighting a Saber who is more or less a copy of Arthur. Recalling that fight and knowing Mordred, they probably are roughly as strong…but she seems far less even tempered, so I should be able to-' Cu's thought is cut off from the speed of Mordred's initial flurry.

He deflects each blow, taking two steps back before beginning his own reprisal, now making Mordred take a step back before riposting, her tip going for Cu's head.

Cu deflects again and kicks Mordred in the stomach, making her stagger and sputter a moment.

"Not bad…but I can see why your rebellion failed."

"Heh…Bit early for gloating…Setanta!" Mordred says before recovering and continuing.

'God damn it, I don't even have Gae Bolg right now! So how-?!' Cu thinks for a moment as the fight continues.

"…How did she figure out his name?" Kazuma asks and Kairi shrugs.

"Battle intuition? Him having a distinct fighting style?"

A scream from the field distracts them.

Their swords are locked above their heads.

Mordred's boot is in the Child of Light's crotch.

"My spuds…"

"A little revenge for earlier….I'm almost sorry my attack was a little low~."

"You kick… just like your mother…!" Cu says after a few steps before leaning on his sword.

"Do not disparage father! He is not a woman, and would never resort to such attacks!" Mordred shouts.

"Why are you defending Elizabeth? Didn't you try to kill her in your life?"

"That's because- what did you call father?" Mordred says with a sharp turn, a neck crack audible.

"It annoyed her, so I called her the name of a famous Queen." Kazuma says with only one crack in his voice.

Mordred stares a moment before grinning.

"Shame I can't recall details from a Grail War. Would love to say that after I pull out the sword of selection~."

"What happened to not disparaging your father?" Kairi asks.

"Doesn't count when I do it."

"What a double standard." Kazuma says.

"It doesn't matter what you- AH!" Mordred screams a moment while flying through the air. Cu smirks as she stands back up.

"Apparently I didn't hit hard enough." Mordred says with standing back up.

"You did. I just have the disengage skill~."

"So you're the perfect kicking bag~." Mordred says with a grin.

"I could say the same about you." Cu says before they clash again.

"So how do you think this will last?" Kazuma asks. Kairi shrugs before more clashing is heard past the graveyard.



===

"What did you do with Lancer? Where did you send him?" Rin asks the rip.

"That wasn't me." Alaya says, making Rin raise her hand again.

"It wasn't!" Alaya says again.

"It really wasn't…I think he was summoned again." Eris says.

"He was just summoned as I was about to ask him for help? Who would do t-" Rin stops when she realizes a possible answer.

Aqua, Megumin, and Darkness come to the same answer.

"…Can you just send me over there?" Rin asks.

"Us too." Darkness says.

"W-wait a minute! You don't want to go there Darkness! There will be super powerful beings trying to kill each other!" Aqua says.

"Hng~."

'…Did she just groan? Maybe she's not fond of combat?' Rin thinks.

"…You forgot about Darkness' deal didn't you?" Megumin asks.

"…I did…But I still don't want to go!"

"I have to agree with Aqua…You being there in this particular encounter will only further complicate things."

"You don't think we can drag that no good vacation taking NEET back with us?"

"I saw what you did these past two weeks…I really don't think you'll help. I think Miss Rin going by herself has the best chance."

"Well now I'm definitely going!"

"It's not even in Japan!"

"Doesn't matter, send us over!"

"O-okay…"

"Sorry Eris, but four heads are better than one at least." Rin says.

Alaya starts to giggle.

"…You'll realize soon enough…" Eris mutters before using a portal on them.

===



Kazuma and Kairi head to the sound of the fighting, spotting an armored swordsman, a fat man who is a master, a blonde woman with a flag, and pale man in gold that makes Kazuma and Cu tense.

"…So, who's on which side?" Mordred asks Kairi.

"Don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know? I thought you met with the other masters?"

"Not yet."

"Guess I'll just kill them both." Mordred says.

"Isn't that other guy a Saber?" Cu asks.

"Like you? Besides, lots of Riders use swords." Mordred says as the pale man fades away.

"Man…"

As the blonde woman and two men leave, the pale man in gold reappears in front of the others, prompting Cu to raise his sword and Kazuma to raise a hand.

"Stand down Hound, or did you forget we are not supposed to fight during the day?"

"…How did you figure out my name? We didn't even fight."

"I heard some of your clash with Mordred during my own with Siegfried. Apologies for my delayed introduction, but my name is Karna, Lancer of Red…Wait…what class are you?"

"I'm a Saber." Cu says, making Karna glance over at the now armored Mordred.

"Aren't you a Saber?"

"Yes."

"Why are there three Saber servants?"

"Young man here used my summoning catalyst…maybe that affected the summoning?" Kairi says.

"Odd…Either way, I suspect the Ruler would not be happy to hear of a 16th​ servant, regardless of which side you join."

"I'm not looking to join a side. I'm here to annoy someone by keeping her alive." Kazuma says while gesturing to Mordred who pushes their blade against his neck. After discerning his words, Karna stares at him in shock.

'He's…not lying…but his answer is so absurd.'

"Something on my face?"

"No…Just shocked by your reasoning…Who are you trying to bother if you do not mind my asking?"

"The collective unconsciousness of humanity, an annoying airhead known as Alaya." Kazuma says, further stunning Karna before he begins chuckling.

"I understand now, you're deranged."

"I am not-"

"Eh, he's not wrong." Cu says with a shrug, making Kazuma look at him.

"…Guess I'm not planting a victory garden this time."

"Don't you dare joke about that Kazuma!"

"Either way, I should have you meet with the others of the red faction. Even if you are not with us, our goals align close enough that introductions should be made."

Cu and Kazuma and look at the other and despite some lingering reservations from their last golden divine being, agree and head off towards the Red faction's HQ.



===



"Are you sure we are in another world?" Megumin asks while looking at a castle with glowing eyes and a smile.

"We're in Romania, and there are castles here. I think this area is largely similar to what it was years ago and is comparable to life in the other world, but we are on Earth." Aqua says while looking at Megumin with squinted eyes.

"I'm not going to do anything…I have self control."

'…I should probably be more worried about that…Good thing we won't be here long.' Rin thinks as a few people come to meet them, a girl in a wheel chair and a man with long hair in front of them who looks at Aqua with wide eyes for a moment.

"I never expected to meet you again, O Goddess of water."

"Hello Chiron! I'm just as surprised at you being here." Aqua says.

"Wait…you know him?" Rin asks.

"Yeah, I taught him how to swim!" Aqua says with a smile.

"So…you're an actual deity?" Rin asks with a warble.

"Yeah, I'm not surprised that NEET didn't mention me." Aqua says with a frown.

"No he did, I just can't believe you're actually divine when you were eaten by a-" Rin's mouth is clamped shut by Aqua who looks at her with vacant eyes.

"Not another word. I have a reputation here damn it."

Rin nods.

"I am surprised you are a servant Lady Aqua."

"I'm not. I'm here to grab an annoying human and go."

"Oh my apologies, I was mistaken since your divinity was lower. I thought you relinquished immortality like me and was summoned….wait, I thought your domain was further east?" Chiron asks.

"…It's a long story and I do not want to recount it…" Aqua says.

"I…See…" Chiron says.

"Would you like to come inside? Perhaps we can help each other." The young girl in a wheelchair suggests.

"Can you give us a moment?" Rin asks and the four go some distance away to talk.

"I knew Chiron when he was little, he won't harm me!" Aqua says.

"Plus having the aid of someone in the area would help us find Kazuma…" Megumin suggests.

"I cannot help but think the help they want would be troublesome…" Darkness says, while looking over the castle, instantly being reminded of home and the dubiousness of nobility.

"It likely is…If she's a mage, she wouldn't hesitate to use us up and throw us away…" Rin says, looking as Darkness arches her back with tight lips.

'…What was that?'

After another moment, they go in, fully aware of there being risks.

Except for Aqua.



===

"I am Archer of Red, Atlanta."

"And I'm Achilles, Invincible warrior of Greece, and Rider of Red." He says with a spear on his shoulder.

Kazuma feels an eye twitch at their introductions.

'They are pleasant enough, but…they're Greek. Aside from Medi, Heroes from there tried to kill me, and even she tried to dismember me at our first encounter! Hopefully I'll get over that and they and the others are fine…' Kazuma thinks as he looks over at the beautiful dark haired woman with sharp eyes and semi open topped dress.

'Good thing Rin isn't here…'

"Are you Greek as well?"

"I am Assyrian. My name is Semiramis."

"Wait…like Sumerian?"

"Yes."

'Oh no…' Cu and Kazuma think again.

'Least it can't get any worse.' Kazuma thinks as a young priest enters the room with a smile.

"I didn't expect you to bring guests Kairi. My name is Shirou Kotomine."

===



In a river, a panty plushy is stuck on a rock. A bird flies over, pecks at it a moment and flies off with it, dropping it in a nest before returning to the river and catching it's reflection in the water, and chirps in sheer horror and shame.



===

"You're legs are so cool, how do you balance on them?" Megumin asks the masked servant.

"It took a bit of practice…though I am surprised you find them fascinating."

"How can I not? Though they pale in comparison to the mask! You have great taste."

"I'm afraid I do not wear these as a choice in style…but thank you young lady."

Further in the room, Darkness is with Chiron and a pink haired servant.

Aqua is staring daggers at Vlad, who matches her gaze. Chiron excuses himself from Darkness to chat with Aqua.

"He isn't undead, he's a ruler of the region…that novel was made after his death."

"I thought it was a movie?" Aqua asks.

'…Still the same Aqua.' Chiron thinks with a smile.

Rin however finds herself pale while looking at an old luger pistol on the wall.

'That's a gun from World War two…and we are in Romania…'

"I did not expect you to be fond of firearms young lady." A young looking man in a white cape says.

"I'm not. Just surprised it is here in the castle." Rin says.

"It is at odds with the aesthetic I admit. But I could not relinquish it to some hidden corner when it served me so well."

"It's yours? But it looks so…" Rin trails off, noting the small dings and other signs of deep use despite the excellent maintenance.

"I am…a fair bit older than I appear. My name is Darnic Prestone Yggdmillennia." He says.

"I am Rin Tohsaka." She says, hoping she isn't noticeably pale from her realization.

'Oh God, I'm in a castle with a Nazi!'



===

"…Is there something on my face?" The young priest asks as Kazuma and Cu look at him.

"…Did you say your name was…Shirou?" Kazuma asks with an eye twitch.

"Kotomine…" Cu mutters with a tighter grip on his blade, making the other servants pull out their weapons, half ready to react.

"Yes?" Shirou Kotomine asks, puzzled by their reaction.

"You met before?"

"No I don't believe we have."

"This is just way too much of a coincidence that we came across someone with your name…and as a priest too." Kazuma says.

Cu spits to the side, still eyeing Shirou.

"I…don't know what this other man did to you, but I'll try to be more pleasant to you."

"Do not take such accusations Master." Semiramis says.

"Hardly a high bar." Cu says as Kazuma looks around.

"Something amiss?" Karna asks.

"I count five servants. Where are berserker and assassin?"

"I'm assassin." Semiramis says.

"I thought you were a Caster?"

"That is your mistake."

"So where are they?"

"Caster is-"

The doors are pushed open with a resolute bang as a man in an ornate green coat enters.

"I, William Shakespeare, am the Caster you so wondered about!"

"Wait, how are you a Caster?!" Kazuma asks.

"The classification can be odd sometimes…" Shirou says before looking at Semiramis.

"Why are you looking at me?"

"Aren't you going to tell us where Spartacus is?"

"Why would I tell you when you were watching him?" Semiramis asks, making Shirou pale despite his tanned skin.

"I thought…you were watching him…" Shirou asks, making Semiramis grimace.

Then they hear maniacal laughter in the distance.

'….Reminds me of home.' Kazuma thinks.

 

[Davos]

"We need to reign in Spartacus!" Shirou says.

"Isn't it a fool's errand to try and control a berserker?" Kazuma asks.

"He is still a servant of Red. At the very least we can assist him while trying to find out where he is-"

"He's heading straight for Black's castle." Atlanta says from a window.

Shirou cups his head before giving instructions to Archer and Rider.

"Saber you can-"

"Not helping."

"What?"

"Berserker or not, if he's dumb enough to go charging the first chance he gets right into the enemy stronghold without a plan, he's not worth keeping around, especially if he's likely to hit innocent folks. Hopefully he takes one out to make it even."

"Never expected this level of pragmatism from you." Kairi says.

"I'm going to be king, need to think about preserving the kingdom and dealing with reckless soldiers is one part of that."

"Didn't you destroy your kingdom?" Kazuma asks.

"Which makes me the best person at stopping that from happening!"

"Berserkers don't help make fights enjoyable either." Cu says.

"That too; had enough of fighting alongside crazy guys after…him" Mordred says.

"…There's likely to be other servants that don't have madness enhancement." Shirou says.

"Is that really all you got to try and make me do something?" Mordred asks the priest who remains quiet.

'Can't really say anything…Karna will pick up on my lie since I have command seals as a Ruler and begin suspecting me…' Shirou thinks as Achilles starts chuckling.

"It's obvious little miss knight is scared."

"The Hell did you-"

"And she is not even needed when I am here." Achilles says with a one eyed smirk that makes Cu tighten his grip on his blade a moment before pausing.

'Huh…he reminds of the other Shirou when he does that.'

"You're seriously taunting me?"

"You say that like I have a reason to fear you? Tell you what, let's make this fight a bit more interesting. Who ever takes a servant out first wins."

"And what do I get when I win?"

'She's awfully easy to manipulate…just like Artoria. Wonder if she has the same appetite?' Kazuma thinks for a moment.

"Whatever you want, because you won't win."

"I'll make you eat those words. Don't make it too easy by dragging your heels~."

"…Seriously?" Achilles asks with a frown before inching up to a grin as he summons his chariot outside.

"Join me sis!"

"I'll walk." Atlanta says with a sigh.



===



"Would you be inclined to dine with me later tonight?" Darnic asks, making Rin scream in her head.

'Oh God, the Nazi likely old enough to be my dad is flirting with me…'

"I'll have to decline…I really have to find someone." Rin says before feeling an arm loop around her shoulders.

"It's rude to just say no when you're here! Besides I'm sure Darny here has excellent wine!" Aqua says.

"Do not call me that…"

"I'm not really fond of drink…"

"You're a light weight?"

'Yes…' Rin thinks behind a pained smile.

"More for me~." Aqua says, making Darnic grimace slightly.

'I really need to get out of this castle…' Rin thinks as an alarm rings out.

"A servant is approaching us?" Vlad asks.

"Yes…it appears to be the enemy berserker." A homunculus messenger says.

'Oh thank God…Wait…'

"I thought the girl over there was berserker?" Rin asks, looking at the young lady in a white dress.

"Yes, but she is on our side. This is Red's berserker." A young man that is her master says.

"Red?"

Darnic gives Rin a quick explanation of the grail war having two sides before they ride out to meet the enemy berserker.





===

"…Aren't you also just rushing headfirst into the enemy stronghold too?" Kazuma asks Mordred while holding on for dear life along with Kairi inside the car that is threatening to unravel from Mordred's driving. Cu is enjoying the drive.

"I have a plan though!"

"Is it suicide by car?" Kairi asks.

"Relax, I got the riding skill!"

"Does that translate to cars?" Cu asks as the groaning vehicle goes in the air a moment.

"I'm sure it does! Trust the process!" Mordred says, making both masters groan as she speeds up at seeing a slight rise in the ground. Upon going over it the car soars into the air, visible to all, including Achilles from his chariot.

Achilles sees this and smiles.

"She might actually make me try in this bet~." Achilles mutters with a grin as he sees the armored knight wave at him, feeling the smug grin behind the helmet.

"…I'm starting to think this Saber is an idiot…" Atlanta says from afar.



===

"No." Vlad, Astolfo, and a dozen other voices say at the same time.

"As a knight I cannot merely stand by as this brute charge through the land." Darkness says, making them all pause.

Aqua and Megumin, however, look flatly at Darkness

"I can appreciate the bravery; however a Servant is stronger than any mortal foe you faced." Vlad says.

"We have faced immortal foes and bested them…though that was with an additional party member who was better at quick thinking than us..." Darkness says.

"Impressive…truly, but as guests of my homeland, I simply cannot throw you into the fray." Vlad says with a slight smile as he and a few others ride out, not seeing Darkness frown behind them as they are left alone.

"I'm sure they'll be fine…" Rin says.

"That is not why I am frowning…Just think-" Darkness says before turning to Rin with a full smile and red cheeks.

"-a miscreant, capable of shaking the ground with each step, heedless of danger, and strong enough to require this many heroes to stop him?! He must possess incredible strength! I would thoroughly enjoy meeting him in battle!"

"Wow…I didn't think you were fond of battle from earlier…"

"I…I can't stay here!" Darkness says before running in the direction of the battle.

"W-what are you-?!" Rin shouts.

"I'm surprised she didn't just start running when she heard a big strong guy was running this way." Megumin says.

"We have to stop her!" Rin says.

"It's a fool's errand to try and stop her; Besides, I'm sure she'll be fine…besides, we haven't been able to stop her before…" Aqua says while looking away.

"That…how…and you say you're a Goddess?"

"Don't take that tone with me! I don't have combat abilities!"

"Don't you have max strength?!"

"Darkness has maxer strength!"

Rin looks at Aqua with an open mouth and a flat stare.

"She's not lying." Megumin says.

"You're so useless…" Rin says before hurrying after Darkness, Aqua's crying audible behind her now.





===



Achilles still manages to arrive first, now staring down Saber and Berserker of Black with a smirk.

"I almost feel bad for you. Me alone would be far too much for either of you, but with her on her way, I'm sure this will be a slaughter."

"Her?" the armored swordsman asks before hearing the whine of a car on it's last legs arrive, flying right at them as four people bail out the side. The woman swings her weapon and sends the car flying in another direction.

"What is wrong with you?!" Kazuma shouts at Mordred.

"Quit complaining, I told you when to bail out."

"Timing could have been better. I'm sure if I wasn't here he'd be dead." Cu says.

"I think I'm having a stroke…" Kairi says while breathing heavily.

"God you're both wimps."

"Faster than I thought…though don't you think its unfair having three of us here?" Achilles asks.

"Wait…I fought lancer before. If you're Rider, who are they?"

"Saber."

"Also Saber, but better." Cu says with a smirk, making Mordred consider taking a swing at him.

"Neither of you look like an assassin…Nor are you berserker…Though considering aspects of the legend of Cu Chulainn, I would not be surprised if even your caster form had martial prowess and the appearance of a warrior."

"Are you kidding-?! We haven't even met before!"

"I am Siegfried, and Karna mentioned you."

'…I'm going to have to have a word with him later…' Cu thinks as Achilles attacks Siegfried.

Mordred meanwhile evades the Black's berserker's first blow before striking back. Cu considers looking for another opponent when an arrow lands by his feet.

"They have it under control. Besides, I'm not going to interfere with their duel."

'I guess both sabers are idiots.' Atlanta thinks upon reading Cu's lips as she readies another shot, aiming for Siegfried's head, only to have it shot out of the air.

Then a great shifting of earth is heard elsewhere.



===

"Lady…Dustiness?" Vlad asks in amazement as she withstands each and every blow from Spartacus, even managing to make him step back from the reverberations of his own blow.

"Amazing…To think an oppressor can withstand my blows! Hahaha!"

"She stands in his way even after her own sword was tossed aside…what courage!" Vlad says with a tear at his eye.

'I don't think it was courage, but no one will believe what I heard her moan out…' Astolfo thinks, suppressing a shudder at Darkness' prior squeals.

Squeals she is struggling to keep in check now even as Vlad and Caster immobilize Spartacus.

"You shall be treated and adequately rewarded for such a display Lady Dustiness." Vlad says as issues an order via one of caster's clay bird familiars to Saber and Berserker to retreat.



===

After their retreat, the members of Red, Kazuma, and Cu return to the church to a stone faced priest who is staring at Mordred.

"Something on my face?" Mordred asks, still in armor.

"I was told by Atlanta that both you and this extra Saber, Ireland's Child of Light, refused to help Berserker."

"I was there for a different reason; not my fault Sparty couldn't hack it."

"It most certainly is…so much so that I wonder if you are not planning something." Shirou says, making Mordred materialize her blade.

"And what exactly are you implying?"

"You let one ally die, how can you promise you won't let another perish?"

"You say that like it wasn't everyone's plan in this war from the beginning." Kazuma says.

"You've made it clear this does not concern you, so I will not bear any ill will towards you…if you leave now."

"I didn't want to stay here anyway." Kazuma says, and Cu grunts in agreement.

Mordred also leaves the church.

"But you're our Saber!"

"Not anymore! Kill you later!"

"You wish!" Achilles shouts back, making Shirou, Atlanta, and Semiramis cup their heads as they ar down another servant.



===

The bird panics as it hops in circles, still distressed at its revelation. It returns to the nest and finds the answer.



===



"What are you going to do with Berserker?" Rin asks.

"I have plans." Caster says, making Aqua and Rin suppress a shudder of fright, Darkness suppress shudder of joy, and Megumin's eyes glow at his ominous delivery.

"So…cool!"

"I'm starting to question your tastes Megumin."

"You sound just like Kazuma. My tastes are unquestionable Rin!" She says as Gordes, Saber's master runs into the room.

"A homunculus has escaped!"



===

"I'm surprised you just cut things off with them." Kazuma says.

"Eh, better to do it earlier than not. Besides, we weren't really planning on helping them out much anyway." Mordred says.

"Bad time to mention this, but Kazuma's magic circuits make me considerably weaker than I should be."

"That explains a lot…Guess we'll have to use strategy." Mordred says, making Kazuma look askance.

"You got something to say?"

"We're screwed aren't we?"

"I was a fantastic commander!"

"Aren't you famous for losing?" Kazuma asks, getting a blade at his neck.

"You have a talent Kazuma…but if we are serious about winning this war, we'll have to plant a potato patch asap." Cu says in a serious tone.

"…What?" Mordred and Kairi ask at the same time.

"Long story, but it works. I'll show you later." Kazuma says as Kairi shows them to his hideout in a grave, disturbing everyone present.

"…I know we died already, but I don't think either of us likes graveyards that much." Cu says.

"It's hidden, hard to attack, and easy to defend. And I find it calming."

"…Please tell me you aren't a necromancer." Mordred says.

"I'm not a necromancer." Kairi says with a grin.

"Don't you lie to me! And isn't this place cramped for four people?"

"Can't you go into spirit form?" Cu asks.

"I'm a future king, I get the best bedding!"

"Sure…ladies first~." Cu says with a shit kicker grin and starting another fight with Mordred.

'…Hopefully Rin is having a better time.'

===



Rin groans upon seeing Siegfried pull out his heart and press it into the dying homunculus' chest.

Aqua is pale.

Darkness is also shocked.

Megumin is biting back an urge to vomit.

Even Jeanne and Astolfo are disturbed.

The homunculus wakes a moment later, already looking more lively as the other servants of black approach.

Naturally disagreements arise regarding the homunculus.

"I possess enough command seals to turn you all against each other."

"If you can speak swiftly enough." Vlad says, hand glowing in preparation to use his Noble Phantasm of ignoble impaling on the saint, stopping when a familiar hero with green hair lands nearby.

"You may want to hold off on that." Achilles says, spear resting on his shoulder.

"Are you so headstrong that you would fight us all?" Caster asks.

"I'm just a messenger with a request to the Ruler here. And no, it isn't a request to join us. It's something that I'm sure Black will be interested in as well after this turn of events."

"…What is your message, hero of Greece?"

"Red wants to summon another servant."

"I cannot allow that; Berserker-"

"We want to summon a new Saber. Ours went off on their own." Achilles says, and the Black faction stiffens to hear Jeanne's answer.

"…If both sides leave this homunculus, I will grant an exception for both sides to summon another Saber." Jeanne says, and after a tense moment, everyone goes their respective ways

===



Back at the castle, Rin is standing in front of a summoning circle.

"…I am not becoming your Saber's Master…"

"It will not be permanent. Gordes has already proven himself incompetent, and we will not expect much more than defensive measures from you as we work out a new plan. A fair concession as we help you find this Kazuma."

"…Fine."

Rin does the chant, and after a moment of blinding light, a half naked man with a spiral sword appears.

"I sure hope you are my master, young lady. I am Fergus mac Roich, and my sword is yours." He says, eyes wandering from Rin to Aqua, to Bersekrer in quick succession before settling on Darkness.

'…I got a bad feeling…' Rin thinks with a frown.



===

Shirou finishes the summoning with both Semiramis and Shakespeare helping him, and after a flash, a new blonde Saber in blue appears before them.

"Are you my Master?"

 

[Davos]

"Yes Saber, I am, and my name is Shirou Kotomine, beside me are Assassin and Caster, they are-"

"Did you say your name was…Shirou?" Saber asks in a quick speed with wide eyes and a clenched fist.

"Uh…yes. Sorry for my surprise, someone earlier today asked the same- W-why are you raising your blade?" Shirou asks with a warble as Saber's holy sword glows.

"EX-"



===



"May I ask for your name, my bewitching comrade in arms?" Fergus asks the Berserker of black.

"Grrr…"

"Going to make me earn it? I'm not complaining~."

"Grrrr!"

"Saber, please stop flirting with Berserker…" Rin says.

"You're Berserker?" Fergus asks.

"Grr…"

"I see. I still hope to get along with you." Fergus says before looking at Aqua, making her pale and shudder.

Fergus smiles at her reaction.

Aqua pales further.

"…It has been a long day. I do believe we should all retire, either in spirit form or to our chambers." Vlad says in an even tone, making Fergus look at him, causing Vlad to match the gaze.

'…I miss Archer…Can't believe I would think that after all the flak he gave me.' Rin thinks with a flat stare.

"Why do you feel uneasy, Lady Aqua?" Chiron asks.

"You don't know about Fergus' legend? I didn't think he was that unknown…"

"I'm aware of the overall story, but fear details allude me. He is a great warrior no?"

"He is…he is also an insatiable philander. His favorite bed partners are divine beings…" Aqua says with a shudder, drawing Fergus' closed eye gaze with a glint on his eyelids.

"Really?...He must be…utterly deplorable~." Darkness says with a smile.

'Why is she smiling?….We REALLY need to find Kazuma tomorrow…' Rin thinks as Aqua hides behind her, now making Fergus look at her as well now.



===

"So…What's the plan in the morning?" Kazuma asks.

"Not sure yet. I was initially planning something with the other Red servants if the meeting went well." Kairi says.

"We can still plan something with them now." Mordred says.

"Like the zeal, and I do have words for that golden lancer, but we should probably avoid them for now…that priest is giving me a bad feeling." Cu says.

"Wouldn't it better to take him out sooner then before he can create some plan?" Kazuma asks.

"I would say yes, but between the holy duo, Semiramis' machinations, and Atlanta's senses, I am unsure we can do anything with just two servants…though it would be hell of a fight."

"At least you're not boring." Mordred says with a grin.



===



"Why did you unleash your Noble Phantasm?!" Shirou shouts, blood and rubble on him.

"Kill her!" Semiramis shouts at Karna who is holding Saber in the air. Semiramis grimaces as Shirou and a stuttering Shakespeare stem the blood flow from her missing arm.

"I think she will make a great ally." Karna says, making Atlanta groan and cough angrily from the ground.

"I will be no ally to you!" Saber says while trying wrestle his grip off her neck.

"I appreciate strength as much as the next guy…but she is even more unruly than the other Saber. I think she may be a Berserker after that rib breaking kick on sis and this bite…" Achilles says while looking at his hand with a shudder as Atlanta groans louder from the ground.

'How the Hell did a regular bite break my skin?'

"I…never expected King Arthur to be so…angry…"

"I'm not King Arthur." Saber says.

"You used Excalibur!" Semiramis shouts as her arm stops bleeding.

"Maybe I said that to throw you off?"

"I don't even need to use my discernment skill to know that is a lie." Karna says.

"What is… your name?" Atlanta asks before coughing violently.

"I have amnesia." Saber says with a grin.

"Amnesia and yet used your Noble Phantasm?" Shirou asks with clenched fists.

"Selective amnesia~."

"I cannot believe the Saber after Mordred is even more deranged…" Shakespeare says without a stutter.

"How dare- wait…Mordred was here?"

"Is here…she uh, betrayed us…" Shirou says.

"How unsurprising."

"I thought you had amnesia?" Semiramis asks through clenched teeth.

"I said selective amnesia Caster."

"I am Assassin!"

"Truly? I could have sworn you were a Caster like…that horrible woman…" Saber says with vacant eyes before shaking her head and looks at Karna.

Karna lets her go.

Shirou and Shakespeare pale.

Semiramis and Atlanta scowl.

Even Achilles frowns at Karna.

"Amnesia or not, she has history with Mordred and can be easily talked into fighting against him." Karna says.

Shirou walks over to Achilles and whispers to him while keeping an eye on Saber who keeps her gaze on him.

"…I don't think she'll go along with this." Achilles says.

"I suspect as much myself, but I think most of us can agree it is worth a shot…Especially with Mordred and Setanta running around on their own." Shirou says.

"That Lancer is here?" Saber asks with a clenched fist.

"Yes, but he is a Saber."

"A Saber? But didn't you say Mordred is here too? And isn't that man a Rider?"

"…Can I leave this to you Karna?"

"Yes. I will fill her in on the happenings of today."

'Hopefully we don't get attacked tonight…though I am worried what two renegade Sabers of their stature will do…'



===

"We should get some clothes tomorrow." Mordred says.

"Clothes?" Kazuma, Cu, and Kairi ask at the same time.

"To blend in better and help with info gathering."

'Shame Ritsuka isn't here…' Kazuma thinks before turning over to sleep.



===

The bird spends the night collecting twigs with enough moisture in them to still be flexible, but dry enough to retain a shape when bent.

It was exhausting.



===



"Why are you here Rider?" Jeanne asks as Achilles walks toward her with a bandaged hand.

"I…have a message and another request."

"Is the new Saber not to your team's liking? I cannot allow another summoning!"

"She blew up a church, crippled our Archer and Assassin, and broke the skin on my hand." Achilles says before taking the bandage off, showing the bite mark.

Jeanne and the Homunculus stare for a moment before he continues.

"If I teach the Homunculus something of swordplay, can we get a new Saber?"

"No. Why did you think that would work?"

"We're in Romania, a fairly medieval place…he could have a good life here if he is adequate with a blade as a policeman of sorts."

"…I can at least help reign her in before considering a replacement…"

"Thank you…ready…?"

"…Call me Seig." He says before awkwardly raising his blade for the lesson.



===



"…Do I have to use a command seal Saber?" Rin asks, making Fergus frown.

"My apologies, but feeling the rush of life in me once again has me a little…spirited. I'm sure a night with an adequate person will have me calm." Fergus says with a hand at the back of his head. Caster and Darnic appear from around the corner.

"Apologies if it is not my place, but I'm sure I could lend a homunculus to Sir F-"

"NO!" Rin screams, making all three men startle slightly.

"I was not going to accept, but I am curious…why are you so against that arrangement Master?"

"…Long story…" Rin says.

'I am NOT going through more nights with a pervert Irishman and a homunculus!'

"Still…rather surprising. I thought you would be more open minded on this front." Darnic says.

"Why is that?" Rin asks with crossed arms.

"Without a catalyst, summons are typically accomplished based on the compatibility between the Servant and Master, such as their personalities and preferences." Darnic explains.

"I know that, why are you-" Rin stops when she realizes the answer.

Fergus is a pervert.

A very in shape older man.

Who is quite dominant and likely fond of dirty talk.

'Oh God…He is so my type…' Rin thinks with vacant eyes.

Fergus smiles.

A crunching sound is heard from Caster's helmet, drawing Darnic's eye.

"…Are you eating popcorn?"

"It's hard to eat with this head piece, and I find removing it quite annoying so I developed a system to acquire nourishment while I work. It also helps in other situations." Caster says.

'…Avicebron is mocking me…' Darnic thinks before noticing a pair of red eyes further down the hall.

"So cool and practical…! I must acquire this armor!" Megumin mutters.

Screaming from below interrupts them, making Fergus and Megumin run towards it.

"…Did I mention I am older than I appear?" Darnic says, making Rin silently scream and run towards the sound of the screaming.

Avicebron takes a long drink while giggling before going down the hall to join them in handling the source of that scream. Further down he finds, Rin, Megumin, and Fergus along with Vlad and Aqua, staring at the scene before them. Astolfo with a spike through his hands to a wall, his master stepping back with a whip in hand, and Darkness on her knees., panting.

"Celenike!" Vlad says, his voice further causing Rider's master to step back.

"W-wait! It's not what you think!"

"So you haven't been whipping an honored guest?"

"I have, but only once! Then she-" The crack of Vlad's knuckle silences her.

"Kazik-" Vlad stops when Darkness stands up between him and Celenike, making Vlad stop.

"…To even show mercy to one that would attack you. You are too good to be from this world. I order you to face your savior from my wrath and to promise to never harm her again." Vlad says, making Aqua, Megumin, and Astolfo look flatly ahead.

Celenike shudders upon seeing Darkness' smiling face, quietly asking for more.

"I'll…never harm you again…"

"She sure is something extraordinary…" Fergus says with a smile.

'Never thought I would feel empathy with the woman who tried to torture me…' Astolfo thinks.

"I know how to assure her loyalty~." Fergus says, making Celenike pale further.

"No, we need her cognizant…and alive." Vlad says.

"I'll be gentle."

"Your legend suggests otherwise." Vlad says, making Fergus glare at him with closed eyes, and Vlad matches it.

'I'm surprised Cu isn't a complete pervert after living with him…' Rin thinks before leaving.

 

[Davos]

"…I'm not surprised an Englishwoman caused this much trouble." Jeanne says upon meeting Artoria, and seeing the damage wrought by her hand.

Artoria looks at her and smiles.

"Voulez-vous vous joindre à nous autour d'un feu de camp ? Ou le feu vous effraie-t-il encore, mademoiselle?"

Jeanne's mouth hangs open before she clenches her jaw in a fierce scowl fully focused on Artoria, hand clenched around her flag staff.

"How dare you…Wait, how do you even know who I-!?"

"Karna."

'…Perhaps I should be quieter about other's names from now on?' Karna thinks while looking away from Ruler's twitching eye.

"Indeed, it is truly vile…" Shakespeare says while writing down every word, making Jeanne look at him.

"…It's still gold. I might be able to publish a novella during this war!"

"Saber, Caster, please don't antagonize Ruler…" Shirou says while rubbing a temple.

"Bit late to try making her even tempered…" Atlanta says while leaning against Achilles with an arm looped around his shoulder, her ribs only half fixed now.

"I still think we should kill her and get a new Saber…" Semiramis says while looking at her stump of an arm.

"Maybe we'll bond over s'mores?" Saber suggests, relishing Jeanne's eye twitch.

Jeanne takes a breath and lowers her flag.

"Normally I would never allow this, but given the state of this…blue thing, I shall allow you to summon a Berserker."

"What about the Saber?" Semiramis asks.

"I'll use a command seal make sure this Berserker is…adequate~." Jeanne says with a smile that makes Saber pale.

'I think I went too far…' Saber thinks.

'A Berserker who can accomplish that must be an amazing warrior…!' Karna thinks.

"However, for this seal, it will likely take all night…I may assume there is no issue with having Saber draw the circle?"

Everyone but Karna agrees.

'…I'll remember this.'



===

Rin wakes up and stretches in bed, refreshed after the best night of sleep in her life thanks to the softest beds she has ever felt.

It even makes her forget about the Nazi flirting with her last night.

Then she hears Fergus screaming down the hall.

'Guess I'm still not a morning person, but for different reasons now.' Rin thinks while opening the door and seeing a large puddle of water in the hall.

"That's Aqua." Rin mutters as she hears wet steps down the hall and looks over to see Fergus glistening in the morning sun.

'O-Oh- NO! Must…not…stare~.' Rin thinks while pulling her face away of her Servant's abs.

"…What in the world happened here?" Vlad asks from the far end of the hall, Darnic alongside him.

"Aqua did it…"

"It's not my fault! Fergus picked my bedroom lock! He said he was going to treat me like a Goddess, which by anyone else would be welcome!"

"So you flooded the hall?" Vlad asks.

"I had to be sure!"

"I'll just use a-" Rin stops when a loud clap from outside makes her jump, the servants flinch, and the walls shake, a low rumbling shaking the castle, causing nearby vases to fall to the floor.

"What in the Lord's name?!" Darnic says as he goes to a nearby window, stammering at what he sees before him.

A crater the size of a manor in his yard.

A dozen destroyed golems.

And Avicebron carrying Megumin on his back.

"Good morning Vlad! Good morning Darnic!" Avicebron says with a wave of his hand.

"How is any aspect of…this, good?!" Vlad shouts from the window.

"It is an experiment!"

"Proof of my magical mastery!"

"…I'm going to kill them." Darnic says.

"Please don't…we'll lave today after we find Kazuma, I promise!" Rin says while bowing, becoming painfully aware of a pair of eyes on her defenseless rear.

"…Fergus…"

"…I do not apologize."

"Of course you don't…" Rin mutters while pinching the bridge of her nose.



===

"Even…I know…most of these symbols…are extraneous…" Saber says, hunched over while sitting in a chair, hands covered in chalk.

"They are aesthetic." Jeanne says with a smile while sipping tea.

"…And this will summon a Berserker who can keep her in check?"

"It will summon a Berserker who is adequate~. Good day, Father." Jeanne says before taking her leave.

'…I don't like that answer, but I doubt this Berserker will be as bad as Saber…' Shirou thinks before completing the summons, an armored man in black fog, a red line in the eye slit of his helm, and a blue tassel from said helm. The Servant growls low while examining the room, stopping when he sees Saber. Saber freezes upon seeing him.

"Oh no…"

'That's a good sign! Maybe Saber will behave!'

"Hello Ber-"

"ARRRRRTHURRRRRR!" He shouts before running full speed, grabbing a nearby lamp post and swinging at Saber. He misses when Saber side steps, and creates a crater in the basement floor.

'…That's the foundation…My church can't take much more damage…' Shirou thinks with a vacant stare as Saber and Berserker fight.



===

'Why did I not realize this sooner?' Kairi thinks with a smile as he begins his day. His smile only grows further even as he pays for outfits for two servants.

Nothing can stop him from smiling.

Not even the puzzled looks from Mordred, Cu, and Kazuma.

"Stop with the stares, I'll buy breakfast!" Kairi says, making Mordred shrug and continue on ahead until she sees a cat.

The cat looks at Mordred. Mordred looks at the cat.

Then the chase begins.

"She's certainly a free spirit." Kazuma says.

"Eh, I prefer dogs."

"Not surprising given your-" Kairi starts to say before Mordred chases the cat through under a woman's skirt.

The trio of men are shocked at the sight when the skirt flips up.

The woman runs away.

Kairi notices other women with odd looks…not of judgment or shame but…empathy.

Kairi pales, a thought haunting him, a need to share it, and unable to do so from the sheer absurdity.

===



The bird looks on triumphantly at its invention.



===



Upon a mountain top she appears; blade in hand that she points to the sky with a proclamation.

"I shall accomplish my mission bequeathed upon me by the Will of Humanity, destroy the Sabers of this world, and return to the Servant-verse as a respected member of society or else my name is not Mysterious Heroine X!"

"That is not your mission!" Alaya says.

"It is the main objective!"

"No it isn't! After what he's done, Mordred is a side mission now!"

"Have you never played a videogame!? Completing the side missions makes the main mission easier! After killing the Four Dark Sabers plaguing this realm-"

"Don't give them nicknames! That's my job!"

"Killing Kazuma Satou will be painfully easy!...That said…Where am I?" MHX asks, looking around the mountain.

"…I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?! Am I lost?!"

"Uh…yes but no? Romania always takes a day or two to properly load up. But it's a small country, I'm sure you'll find them eventually!"

"I thought you teleport agents near the target?"

"Normally yes, but they move around a lot, and there was a massive influx of mana earlier which scrambled my senses…So you'll have to track them down too. Good luck! Others will join you in this goal soon!" Alaya says before vanishing.

"…I'm going to starve aren't I…?"

 

[Davos]

"I apologize! So please, get rid of Lancelot!" Saber shouts, her hair a mess, part of her armor dented, and leaning on her sword as Karna holds a wildly flailing Lancelot.

"He is Lancelot?!" Shakespeare asks while writing in his notebook

"I think we should get rid of them both…" Atlanta says, a hand on her fully healed rib now.

"I think we should kill Ruler as well." Semiramis says.

"But she didn't do anything!" Atlanta says.

"She bought this upon us and their fight ruined most of what remained of the church!" Semiramis says, gesturing with one and a half arms towards the foggy knight and Saber.

"ARRRRRTHUR!"

"I think he will make a fantastic ally." Karna says, making Achilles look at him from afar.

"I…don't think we can ask Jeanne for more help…Or should…" Shirou says.

"We most certainly can after this sabotage!" Semiramis says.

Atlanta nears Achilles.

"I'm surprised you didn't fight him earlier."

"…The bite of the king broke my skin. I don't want to test how big a chunk the most famed knight of the Round Table will take from me."

"Never expected you to be wary…That is quite disturbing."

"You want to get kicked by him?"

"…That is a good point…" Atlanta says.

"I'll stop with my murder attempts and be a decent team mate. I was still reeling from my last war but I…should be over it now." Saber says.

"ARRRRRTHUR!"

"Wait…you remember the last war you were in? How?" Shakespeare asks, finally looking up from his notes.

"I…Have an odd situation that allows me to recall prior wars I was in."

"ARRRRRTHUR!"

"Will you be silent you enraged armored boar!?" Artoria shouts and Lancelot becomes quiet.

"…Peculiar…" Karna says.

"…More…" Lancelot says.

"…What?" Artoria asks, mirroring everyone's shock.

"Condemn me more!" Lancelot shouts.

"…So this is what the Knights of the Round Table were like…How deplorable." Semiramis says.

"No! Lancelot is one of the most honorable and steadfast knights I know!" Saber shouts.

"ARRRRRTHUR!" Lancelot shouts, louder than before, and forcing Karna to use a second hand to restrain him.

"Why are you berserk again?!"

"He IS a berserker…but this surge of strength is…!" Karna says.

"….May I suggest hitting him while insulting him?" Shakespeare suggests.

"…Why?"

"I have a theory. And surely you still have anger from this prior war no?"

"…I am only doing this because I suspect this theory of yours, bard." Saber says.

'That's a lie.' Karna thinks as Saber strikes Lancelot with a crisp punch to his armored side.

"You are a foul, fallen version of yourself who did not deserve his seat at my table!"

"Yeeeessss….Hurt me more!" Lancelot shouts with glee, making all present frown.

Shakespeare still continues writing.

'I know I'm going to regret this but…' Shirou thinks before stepping closer to read these notes.

He reads one part and turns away.

"…That is a horrible title Shakespeare…"

"It is a working title! I already have another in mind!" The bard says.

Shirou goes to take a nap as Saber continues hitting Lancelot, a smile inching up on her face.



===

The Mysterious Heroine finally leaves the maze like mountain trails onto some flat lands, but her stomach growls only grow louder.

"Not good…it must be lunchtime now…if I was to meet a Saber now, I would surely fall…Is this how my quest ends?" She mutters before looking up and seeing a farm.

"Even if the collective of humanity has left me to this fate, surely a handful will be my savior?" She says out loud and knocks on the door.

Sieg looks at the door, a bead of sweat on the back of his neck.

'Crazy blonde woman with a sword who talks to herself…I probably shouldn't open this door but…' He sighs and opens it up, somewhat disturbed at her smile.

"Good day! I am sorry to trouble you, but I…am lost and in need of food…At this point I'll even take cabbage…"

"…I was just about to have lunch. There should be enough for a third plate."

"Thank you! I'll be sure to repay you some-" MHX says before looking over and seeing a sword at his side.

"Perfect!"

"What?"

"I can give you a lesson in swordplay after this meal!"

'…Can't hurt to learn from others, though I doubt any will be better than Achilles' Sieg thinks as they sit down to eat.



===

"I am so, so sorry about this!" Rin says, bowing again in the field as she, Darnic, Vlad, and Fergus survey the damage with an unapologetic Megumin and Avicebron in tow.

Aqua is hiding away in the castle, standing next to Chiron.

"…It'll take weeks to get this filled in…" Vlad says with a frown.

"I'm sorry!"

"…I know how you can make up for this." Darnic says, making Rin bite back bile.

Even Vlad looks at him.

"By being a more active participant in the war for a bit."

"Oh…that's reasonable enough."

"Or were you expecting me to say something else?"

"No…" Rin says while looking away.

'…I think he, as the kids nowadays say, has your number master.' Fergus tells Rin telepathically.

'I know, and I don't appreciate that tone Fergus.' Rin thinks back.

'I do apologize for that, but I could not resist, hahaha!'

===



"…Why do you have this?" Saber asks Semiramis after she is handed a whip.

"I had similar hobbies as you and your knights." Semiramis says.

"We do not-"

"Besides, it'll help keep him in check…or does the traitor refuse to be chastised by his king~?" Semiramis asks, and despite knowing it is a taunt, still turns around and presents his armored back to be whipped.

Artoria stares blankly at her knight's behavior as he starts trying to undo his armor.

"No need for that, this whip is magically enhanced to strike flesh through armor and clothing alike. It will hurt, but not damage you to hinder your combat ability; A perfect 'tribute' for your king to make you repent, no?" Semiramis asks, making Lancelot howl in approval.

'I…think I almost prefer him trying to kill me…And this woman reminds me a fair bit of Morgan…' Saber thinks as a groan of horror rings out.

"What is wrong with you?!" Atlanta shouts.

"I-it's just the craft! It's just a first draft as I- don't take that!" Shakespeare shouts as Atlanta walks away with his notes in hand.

"It deserves to be burned!"

"It deserves to live!" Shakespeare says while grabbing the pile of papers, struggling with Atlanta a moment.

The notes rip in half and fly throughout the room, one being caught by Saber.

"No! It'll take forever to repair this!" He says, only stopping when he hears the synchronized crack of three fists.

Artoria, Lancelot, and Semiramis stare daggers at the bard, united after seeing a few hastily written notes:

'The King of Kinks? The Kinks of the Round Table? Sir Lances-a-lot? Featuring a one armed Hag?'

"…I was going to use different names?"

"All in favor of kicking out Shakespeare?" Saber asks everyone in the room.

"Ay." Semiramis, Atlanta, and Lancelot say at the same time.

"Nay!"

"You don't get a vote, and 4 makes a majority."

"B-but I'm useful! You can't just win a war with brute strength! You need a Caster!"

"Isn't this depraved one armed woman in black the Caster?" Lancelot asks in a growling but even tone.

"I am Assassin!"

"Surprising…but he has a point my King…So I shall take up his role as Caster." Lancelot says.

"…What?"

"I shall become Caster and support my King with magic."

"But you're a Berserker! You don't even use magic in your legend!"

"And you do?"

"I…I have some tricks I can employ. What can you do?!" Shakespeare asks.

"I was raised by the Lady of the Lake, though I am known for my martial prowess, I do possess blessings from elemental spirits. I can temporarily bestow those blessings upon others as well cast basic spells."

"What spells can you c-"

"Juice." Lancelot says.

"That's not a-" Shakespeare freezes when Lancelot appears in front of him and pivots, driving a fist into the playwright's stomach, and send him flying through the wall of the church.

A moment later he grabs some stray cloth from a pew and folds it into a hat, placing it on top of his helm.

"…Is that supposed to be a wizard's hat?" Achilles asks.

"Yes."

"…What was that 'juice' spell earlier?" Achilles asks with an eye twitch.

"Punch." Lancelot says while crossing his arms and standing straighter.

'Oh Gods, he likes puns.' Achilles thinks as Shirou enters the room and looks at the hole in the wall.

"…Why is there a Shakespeare shaped hole in the wall?"

Lancelot raises his hand.

Shirou groans.

"…Rider-"

"Jeanne, got it."



===



Kazuma, Kairi, Cu, and Mordred are focused on the sight of the bird stealing Mordred's pudding.

Mordred was about to kill it when she what was around the bird's legs.

Boxers made of twigs.

"…What the Hell?" They all ask at the same time as the bird flies away.

===



"Your form is lacking!" MHX says as she sends the blade flying from Sieg's hands again.

"But how?! I had a good grip on it!"

"You did, but not good enough!"

"Perhaps you should tell him how to better guard his hands." A swordsman in purple says.

"We do not have time for this." A man in a red coat says.

"A journey of a thousand slain Saber's begins with a step!"

"That is not the saying and not why we are here!"

"She still owes this young man Archer."

"I know Kojiro, but I doubt he can reach this level from his first lesson." Archer says.

"This is actually my second." Sieg says.

"Regardless, we have a job to do."

"Indeed. All Casters must die!" Kojiro says.

"And Sabers!"

"No! We are to retrieve the stolen concept from Alaya, kill Kazuma Satou, and kill Mordred Pendragon!" Archer says.

"I am here to kill Casters." Kojiro says.

"There are only two Casters."

"They are dishonorable and break rules…they might summon more of each other and flood this country with their wicked ways! Surely that is far more dangerous than some concept?"

"You are sounding way too much like her right now…" Archer says with a sigh before continuing.

"The concept could have ramifications…though compared to every other mission, retrieving the concept of 'wearing underwear' doesn't sound like a huge threat…"

"So we should focus on killing Sabers!"

"No!"

"Casters!"

"No!"

"Should I even be hearing this conversation?" Sieg asks.

"No…But that is likely the lightest transgression today."

"At least he isn't a Saber!" MHX says with a smile.

'I'll just keep quiet about having Siegfried's heart in me…'





===

After the odd sight at their breakfast, the four go back to the crypt, Mordred and Cu now dressed in casual attire. Kazuma finds himself momentarily studying Mordred, but stops before she notices.

'Doesn't look bad, but not enough to risk getting cut. And I'm sure Rin would look better anyway…though I am surprised she is fine with shorts while Elizabeth was so against-'

"Woe is me!" A hole near their hideout says aloud, prompting Cu and Mordred to ready their weapons.

Mordred relaxes when he stands up from the hold, with a fist at his heart.

"Shunned for my brilliance, thrown out by the mad! What will become of me?!" Shakespeare says as blood flows from a light wound on the top of his head.

"The Hell are you doing here?" Kazuma asks.

"I was cast out for my passions!"

"Who are you?" Kairi asks.

"I am the foremost writer in the history of the world! I am William Shakespeare!"

"How did you become a Servant?"

"By my fame and writing ability! Surely you can agree about my prowess with the written word?"

"I'm not a big fan of reading."

"…Troglodyte…you're almost as bad as that other blonde Saber."

"Blonde Saber?" Cu, Kazuma, and Mordred ask at the same time.

"Yes, King Arthur. She was summoned after your departure, and after her destruction of the church, Lancelot was summoned, and stole my class!"

"Wait…Lancelot doesn't know magic!" Mordred says.

"That is precisely what I said, then I was so rudely given a first class ticket to here! I am so vexed! I am willing to help you in your course of vengeance if you would have me!"

 

[Davos]

"I would not only aid in your quest, but would chronicle your tale so it can be made immortal! Furthermore-"

The four share one thought as Shakespeare continues his ramble.

'This is a trap.'

"And I assure you, this is no pretense to a double crossing!" He says,

"That's the biggest pile of bull and most obvious double crossing I ever heard, and I was almost scammed by a kid into a cult."

"…Does that not mean your senses are dull in detecting deception?" Shakespeare asks, making Kazuma stammer after a moment.

Cu and Kairi stifle a chuckle.

Mordred laughs outright.

"Cu, kill him."

"Eh, he doesn't really seem worth it."

"I truly am not!" Shakespeare says with a warble.

"No, but he is either lulling us into a false sense of security for the actual fighters, or will report back to them about the hideout."

"…That is true."

"I really have been 'punched to the curb' as they say nowadays!"

"It's kicked to the curb." Mordred says.

"I know, but I was punched. Ah yes! Look at this!" Shakespeare lifts his shirt, showing a giant purple mark on his side.

"…I've seen corpses with better complexion. How are you still alive?" Kairi asks.

"I haven't the faintest inkling!"

"That does look like Lancelot's handiwork…Wonder if he said the thing…" Mordred says.

"I just can't believe they would replace you…I didn't think replacing servants was allowed or even possible." Kazuma says.



===

"What do you mean you replaced your Caster with Berserker?! That is not allowed at all! That shouldn't even be possible!" Jeanne shouts at Achilles.

"I didn't vote for it."

"That doesn't- Wait, you had a vote and most of you- Gah…this is the last time I am visiting to your faction."

===



"You cannot do this again." Rin says with a hand at her head.

"I refuse!" Megumin says with a fist at her heart.

"I as well!" Avicebron says with a matching gesture.

"I am not asking!"

"I need to use Explosion daily!"

"That is not a need!"

"I must record her spell casting! Think about my research!"

"What the Hell could you possibly be researching by having her recreate 'No Man's Land' on your front yard?!"

"It is the back yard! I learned to use Explosion in lesser seen areas!"

"This is magic from another world! It is well worth researching!" Megumin says, making Rin barely resist an urge to use Gandir.

"Can't you use another, less crater creating spell?" Rin asks.

"This is the only spell I know."

"…What?"

"I had a similar reaction at first. But I can see why she would opt to only use Explosion. The reverberations in my bones were delightful!"

"Oh my God, Kazuma wasn't lying or exaggerating about this…" Rin mutters.

"I can teach it to you if y-"

"NO!"

Vlad and Darnic enter the castle as Rin continues speaking with Megumin and Avicebron.

"…Master Darnic, I must ask due to your behavior as of late. Are you courting the increasingly exacerbated young woman?"

"Why do you sound troubled by this Vlad? You say that like you have not been moved by Lady Dustiness' actions."

"I admire her courage and compassion, I have doubts your views stop at admiration."

"…Do you know why I seek the Grail, Count?"

"To repair your bloodline and seek the Root?"

"Those are part of it. I mainly seek glory."

"What does this have to do with the young woman?"

"Mostly nothing. Years ago when I was a military man, I clashed with her ancestors over the Grail…so to have a Tohsaka, a venerable family with a strong bloodline, and a young perverted woman at that, seek my help…Well, it cannot be anything more than God's blessing no?"

"God would not work in such ways. He would not give such crass blessings."

"I am not so certain of that Lord."

"We discussed this, do not call me-"

"Get back here!" Rin shouts as Avicebron runs past them quickly, bouncing from one spiky leg to the next in a near hop of a run.

"How are you this fast on such legs while carrying me?!" Megumin asks.

"Practice!" Avicebron says before turning around a corner, Rin in pursuit.

"…Do you still call this a blessing?"

"Even blessings can have trials attached to them…" Darnic says before looking back where they came.

"Something amiss?"

"Where is her Saber?"



===



"How can I prove my trustworthiness?"

"…Normally I would just ask for your true name, but you gave it already…" Mordred says.

"Is that not enough?"

"No." They all say at the same time.

"But I have nowhere else to go! I am of no consequence by myself!"

"Because every would-be killer talks about how lethal they are?" Cu says before Shakespeare gasps with a realization.

"I can use my Noble Phantasm!"

He gets two swords at his neck.

"A-allow me to explain! I would use it on one of you, and the other would have their blade at my neck, much like you are now! If you truly still think me untrustworthy then you can separate my head from my shoulders!"

"Why do you think we would willingly let you use your Noble Phantasm on us?"

"Sign of trust…My Noble Phantasm doesn't even cause damage!"

"Then what does it do?" Cu asks.

"It replays portions of the recipient's life."

"So…a trip down memory lane? How is that supposed to be effective?"

"It would be far easier to show than tell…or is the Knight of betrayal scared?" Shakespeare asks, getting steel pressed closer to his neck, drawing blood.

Then she pulls the blade back.

"Fine, go for it." She says with her blade on her shoulder.

"This is a terrible idea." Kazuma says.

"Probably, but we got nothing else to do." Mordred says, making Kairi sigh.

"One of the foremost Knights of the Round Table…" He says as Shakespeare uses his Noble Phantasm, hundreds of pages swirling around Mordred before vanishing.

Mordred is still there but looks around before walking to the right.

"…Never expected to be back here…The echo of the floor is so convincing…" She mutters while walking. The others follow some distance away.

"So…it's a distraction ability?" Kairi asks.

"At times. It can also cause severe distress, and thus an opening."

"But you have no combat ability?" Kazuma asks.

"None. I am a writer not a-"

"M-mom?!" Mordred yells before straightening up.

"Y-yes mother…No mother…"

"Never figured her for a-"

Mordred's warbling cry and back step shocks them.

"N-n-no not the whip. Anything but the whip…I've been practicing my swordplay! I've gotten better at riding horses too!"

"I think we should stop here before-"

"I'll be a good girl, I mean boy! Whatever you want me to be, just not the whip!"

Shakespeare snaps his fingers and Mordred blinks before looking back at the others.

"…How much did you hear?"

"Nothing. You were kind of muttering while you were walking, but we couldn't make it out." Kazuma says and the others nod with the lie.

"Alright…never use that ability on me again."

"I would never dream of it!"



===



"My Saber senses say we should go that way!" MHX says while pointing her blade.

"There's nothing but a graveyard over there." Archer says.

"Besides, my Caster calibrations suggest we should go that way." Kojiro says while gesturing to a castle in the distance.

"Absolutely not! That is the stronghold of one of the factions in this Grail War."

"There's a Grail War here?" Kojiro asks.

"…We had the same briefing."

"She wasn't very informative."

"There's…a learning curve to getting information out of her…" Archer says before sighing.

"Alaya said the church is frequented by the Ruler. She may be able to help us find our targets and the concept." Archer says and the trio head to the house of worship despite Archer's reservation.

'I doubt this priest is worse than Vlad the Impaler.'

===



"…You actually kicked out Caster…Why?" Jeanne asks with an open mouth.

"He deserved it." Artoria says.

"Indeed." Semiramis says.

"Much as I am not fond of agreeing with her, she has a point." Atlanta says.

Jeanne turns to Lancelot.

"You were not supposed to do this."

"In my defense Ruler, you had no plans for me aside from bothering my King."

"You can speak?!"

"Only under certain conditions…Discovered funnily enough from our original Caster." Shirou says with vacant eyes.

Jeanne looks closer at Lancelot and notices the paper hat.

"…What is that?"

"Proof of my wizardry!"

"I told you this on the ride over." Achilles says.

"I know I just…thought you were speaking nonsense not truth and just couldn't believe it…I'll just have to rectify this." Jeanne says before clearing her throat.

"By my command as Ruler, fade from existence the both of you!" She orders and her back glows red, the symbols appearing over her attire, glowing bright and starting to fade as Artoria and Lancelot grimace.

Then it returns, becoming unused.

"What?!"

"This couldn't be because of Saber's magic resistance?" Karna asks.

"No, that would only make it difficult to follow an order not outright refuse it!"

"I do have experience at resisting command seals, but little success."

"That doesn't explain Berserker lingering! How can this be?!"

"Ca doit etre la volonte de Dieu~." Saber says with a smile, making a vein appear on Jeanne's forehead.

"I can kill you for using the Lord's name."

"I am actually not fond of that option anymore." Semiramis says.

"Perhaps we should discuss this over a drink?" Lancelot says.

"NO!" everyone but Karna and Saber shouts.

Jeanne clenches a fist and brings it up.

"I will not be insulted, bribed, or have my rule further-"

She stops when she looks at the back of her hand, a groan escaping her mouth as she looks at the back of her other hand.

"Is something wrong Ruler?"

Jeanne turns the back of her hands to show them.

Jeanne has two different sets of command seals on each of her hands.

 

[Davos]

"Why do you have command seals over these two?" Karna asks.

"I don't know!...must have been because they are servants summoned beyond the initial 15…"

"Wait…shouldn't that not be the case since Spartacus is dead?" Shirou asks.

"That was one reason I allowed you to summon another servant. Spartacus is alive, and likely held by the Black faction, breaking the rules." Jeanne says, getting a low chuckle from Lancelot.

"Apologies…I could not help but find it amusing when you accuse them of breaking the rules when you yourself, even if accidental, are a rule breaker." Lancelot says.

"Rule Breaker…" Artoria says, her eyes glazing over, a shudder going through her as she holds her blade in front of herself, looking around the room.

"My King?"

"Rule…Breaker…"

"Was there some aspect of your legends that had that?" Karna asks.

"Not that I am aware-"

"Ruuuule…Breeeeeakerrrrr…"

"Did she sustain a wound from your prior fight that needs dressing and-"

"No dresses!" Saber shouts while pointing her blade at Semiramis.

"That's not what I said!"

"Apologies…I still have some…resentments it seems."

"Shocking…" Achilles says.

"…In light of the current situation, do we have approval to-"

"You cannot summon another servant." Jeanne interrupts Shirou.

"Well they aren't on our side." Semiramis says.

"I can give you these seals so they are on your side!"

"We don't want them." Everyone of Red, except Karna, says at the same time.

"…What?" Jeanne, Artoria, and Lancelot ask in tones of anger, annoyance, and confusion respectively.



===

"You get mail here?" Kazuma asks.

"Yes…and it's a job."

"A job? During a Grail War?" Mordred asks.

"The Mage Association has been tracking a series of odd murders from Japan and found similar killings in Romania…They suspect it is the Assassin of Black." Kairi says.

"Wait…if the war is in Romania why the Hell would Assassin be in Japan?" Cu asks.

"There was a period for summoning servants and coming to Romania for the War. Some masters are from elsewhere."

"But why the killing? If it was a proper master, there would be no mana issue right?"

"Could be any number of reasons, from stray summoning to an inept master. Regardless, they want me to investigate and kill them."

"…Can't they just handle it? You're in a war." Kazuma says.

"Servant thing and I am in this war as part of a job for them so at this is just an extra task at this point."

"…Do you get paid extra?" Kazuma asks.

"Unfortunately no."

"Jackasses…" Mordred says.

"Either way, we'll have to fight Black at some point, taking out their slipperiest Servant can only help now, and it should be an easy task with three Servants."

"Two, I am not good at fighting remember? I'm just a scribe."

"You're going."

"Please no, I don't deal with killers especially well, I'll die! I'm sure even you can kill me!" Shakespeare says.

"Don't sell yourself short…show what the best writer can do~." Kairi says with a grin as they drag the bard with them to town.



===

The bird looks at the flock of other various avian species gathered before him.

They all ask for help with the same issue.

Thus, begins the first step.



===

"So you'll just shovel them off to me?!" Jeanne asks with clenched fists.

"You are the supervisor of this war. Dealing with extra Servants would be in your purview." Semiramis says.

"That is a lie and you know it!"

"Surprisingly, Semiramis isn't lying." Karna says.

"Don't you think this solution is…adequate?" Shirou asks with a smile, making Jeanne shudder in rage a moment before taking a breath.

"What am I supposed to do with two Servants?!"

"Can always make them kill themselves."

"I would never do that! Besides, by the time I finish one order, the other would begin fighting me, and I would risk a seal!"

"You have plenty of them. Besides, if you don't want them you can just make them kill each other." Achilles says.

"I would not do something so barbarous!" Jeanne says, ignoring the stare from Artoria.

"Menteuse."

"She isn't." Karna says.

"Regardless, at this point, we would rather be down two Servants than have them." Shirou says.

"That's a lie." Karna says, making Shirou's smile stiffen.

"I don't want two Servants who desecrate my church."

"He's not lying now." Karna says.

Jeanne makes a sigh and turns to leave, walking along the side of a giant shrub wall.

"Can I ask you two to go into spirit form? I need at least the illusion of being alone to think." Jeanne asks a few minutes later.

"Non." Artoria says.

"…Why not?"

"I cannot go into spirit form."

"…We're going back."

"Why?" Lancelot asks.

"Because I am not going through an entire War with you two at my heels!"

"…All for one and one for all?" Lancelot says to smooth things over.

Instead Jeanne quickens her step with a groan.



===

"…So we're going to summon new Servants right?" Semiramis asks after Ruler leaves.

"Of course…and after the recent debacles with Sabers and Berserkers, we are starting with Caster." Shirou says.

"We're not going to look for Shakespeare?" Karna asks, being met with silence.

"Apologies, I wasn't thinking…"

A few minutes later they finish the ritual and a blonde man in gold stands before them silently as he looks at each of them, Atlanta and Semiramis being passed over within a second, Achilles earning a longer linger, Karna earning an even longer stare, before Shirou speaks.

"Hello Caster, I am Shirou Kotomine and-"

"Did you say Shirou Kotomine?"

'Oh no…' He thinks before the blonde man starts a low laugh.

"Talk about coincidence…It is rather amusing." He says before turning to go to the stairs leading to the basement, much to everyone's surprise.

"I trust you have television?"

"Uh…Yes…?"

"Good. Do not disturb me for a spell." He says before going to the basement.

"The audacity…!" Semiramis mutters.

"At this point, I'm just glad he didn't try to kill me or destroy the church further…" Shirou says as the doors to the church open.



===A few minutes earlier===



"I really don't think a church is the best place to go for on our quest." MHX says.

"Better than a graveyard or the enemy stronghold."

"My Saber Senses are never wrong!"

"Nor are my Caster Calibrations!" Kojiro says.

"There is no such thing! Besides, The Ruler and church are supposed to be neutral parties in a Grail War, so they will be invaluable in tracking down a stray third party, and with Ruler having Command Seals over the other Servants will make dispatching Mordred easy." Archer says.

"There is no honor in that!"

"Aren't you an Assassin?"

"…This Ruler sounds like a Caster…much like Medea." Kojiro says.

"Under no circumstances are you to start a fight with Ruler!" Archer says, the three of them in silence now as they pass a giant shrub before opening the door.

"Hello, sorry for the state of the church…who might you be? You don't seem to be here for mass." The priest says,

"We are Counter Guardians." Shirou Emiya says, making all the Servants stiffen.

"We are not here for you…we are here to retrieve something and deal with Mordred Pendragon and Kazuma Satou."

"Talk about a blessing…unfortunately we do not know where they are." Semiramis says, becoming aware of Kojiro looking at her with his hand in a fist.

"Something the matter?"

"…Do not pay me any mind. I simply do not like Casters."

"I am Assassin."

"With the 'Territory Creation' skill? Do no insult me."

"How do you-"

"Counter Guardian briefing." Kojiro says.

"You remember that part?" Emiya asks.

"It was relevant." Kojiro says making Emiya wince.

"Regardless, neither Kazuma nor Mordred are here anymore." The priest says.

"I suspected as much, but would it be fine if we kept in touch?" Emiya asks.

"Of course, I will have Assassin send you notice of any information we receive."

"Thank you. What is your name?" Emiya asks.

"I am Father Shirou Kotomine." Shirou says, noticing the wide eyes glare from Emiya.

"Did you say…Shirou Kotomine?"

'…I'm starting to think I should change my name again…' Shirou thinks as Emiya takes a breath.

"Sorry, I had some bad experiences with people by those names. I know you are unrelated to them but…it still causes a visceral reaction in me."

"No worries…getting used to it actually. I'm just glad you didn't over-"

"Priest, you're television is of lacking quality!" The blonde man says upon re-entering the room, stopping when he sees Emiya, who is staring wide eyed at him.

"Gilgamesh…"

"Hello Faker~."

"I see this is no coincidence now…"

"What do you mean by-" Shirou starts to ask in a growing panic but stops when he sees Emiya ready a bow with a spiral arrow.

"Caladbolg!" Emiya says before firing the long range arrow at an effectively point blank range.

"Rho Aias! Gilgamesh says, making the shot go skyward, taking the roof along with it, and another piece of Shirou Kotomine's hope for repairs.

Karna is already on top of Emiya, lance about to pierce his heart when Mysterious Heroine X mysteriously deflects the blow and begins fighting him.

"You may not be a Saber, but you will do for now!"

Kojiro goes straight for Semiramis.

"What the-"

"All Casters…must die!" Kojiro says, blade stopped at the last moment by Achilles' spear.

"A bit rude to go for a lady first…especially when I am here!" He says before pushing the purple swordsman back.

Emiya traces his twin blades and throws one at Achilles and the other at Karna. Both are shot down by Atlanta, who readies a third shot for Emiya's heart.

Emiya dodges it, and begins closing the distance on Atlanta while creating two more blades.

"I am the Bone of my sword…"

Gilgamesh takes out a bottle of wine and laughs heartily.

"Aren't you going to help?!" Shirou asks.

"No. I have already done more than enough for one day by deflecting that arrow. First you must get more channels on the deplorable shoe box you call a T.V, a T.V more befitting a king, then I'll consider listening to some of your requests." Gilgamesh says before taking a sip.

'Dear Lord, this Caster may actually be worse than Saber.' Shirou thinks.

'I heard that.' Gilgamesh thinks back as the doors to the church open up and Jeanne stands, open mouthed at the bedlam of a fight before her.

"…I was only gone for ten minutes…Who are you people?!" Jeanne asks as a glass of wine slips from Gilgamesh's hand and shatters onto the floor.

Artoria stares in shock back before looking and seeing the other Shirou.

"Saber, my beloved! You have returned to me!"

"Lancelot, gag the saint." Artoria says, making her blade visible.

"What?!" Jeanne shouts.

"My King! That is beyond questionable!"

"…You're right…I suppose a noble and steadfast knight like you would be above such actions. It's not like you have anything to atone for…~" Artoria says, and after a moment of violent shaking, Lancelot cups Jeanne's mouth to prevent her from using her seals. Jeanne struggles violently against Lancelot's hold.

'Nope, this Saber is still worse…' Shirou thinks.

'How dare you! She is the pinnacle of perfection!' Gilgamesh thinks back in outrage.

'Why are you defending her?!'

Lancelot cries through his helm.

Saber raises her sword.

Everybody panics.

Except Karna.

And Gilgamesh who laughs while he pours another glass of wine.

MHX pulls out a second blade and faces Artoria.

"EX-"

"EX-"



===



"…Your plan is to use ourselves as bait?" Kazuma asks Kairi over lunch, trying not to be disturbed Mordred's bottomless appetite.

"Yep."

"Don't know why you sound worried. You got two Servants and Billy to keep yourself safe." Mordred says.

"Please don't call me that." Shakespeare says.

"Then do something worthwhile in a fight."

"Not overly fond of it either, but it is better having them come to us than trying to track Assassin down." Cu says.

'…It's a good thing I know I won't stay dead.' Kazuma thinks as the sun starts to set, another battle approaching.

 

[Davos]

"CALIBUR!" Both blondes shout as mirroring beams of destruction meet. After a short struggle and readjusting, the beams merge and go skyward, taking out another section of the church but leaving everyone unharmed if dirtied.

"How do you possess Excalibur?!" Artoria shouts while pointing at MHX.

"Because I too am Artoria Pendragon! From the Servant verse, what you call space!" MHX shouts while pointing back at Artoria.

"Oh Lord, there's another one…" Jeanne says as Gilgamesh leans forward, hand at his chin, entirely focusing on MHX's words even as Semiramis is almost slashed again by Kojiro.

"Help me!"

"Be silent." Gilgamesh says.

"That's absurd!"

"What's absurd is that I couldn't properly align my 'Secret-Calibur' to destroy you because I had to focus on saving my lack wit teammates-"

"Excuse me?!" Emiya says, giving Atlanta a chance to get some distance again.

"Excuse nothing! You started a fight when you told me not to! If this was the plan I could have annihilated all of the servants here!"

"Arguable." Karna says.

"Impossible." Gilgamesh says.

"I'll admit that passion is clouding my judgment. Now die you rancid swallow!" Kojiro says as he continues trying to cut the fleeing Semiramis, the pair of them on opposite ends of a table before Kojiro simply cuts the table in half.

Shirou has glazed over eyes at the remaining ruins of his church, which only has two walls standing now.

Achilles would help Semiramis, but he is too horrified by the sight drawing his eyes as Lancelot screams.

The knight is trying to throw Jeanne off his hand; a hand that Jeanne is crunching through the armor with a severely strong bite, drawing blood through the interlocking metal pieces.

'What is it with these women and biting?!'

"Snap out of it Achilles!" Atlanta shouts as Emiya throws another blade at him, lodging in his chest, and snapping him out of his daze to pursue Kojiro, and go in the opposite direction of the biting blondes.

"Stop biting Lancelot!"

"Because that's your job?! Oh pardon, you use a whip don't you!?" Jeanne says while pushing a stunned and teary eyed Lancelot away, making Gilgamesh focus on her words now.

"…I have my reasons…" Artoria says, recalling Jeanne has command seals.

"What possible reasons could you have for-"

"Both those men are depraved!" Artoria says, pointing at Emiya and Gilgamesh.

"Because you're a symbol of goodness?!"

"She isn't lying though." Karna says.

"Karna please stop exposing lies…" Shirou asks.

"Never."

"I am not depraved!" Emiya shouts

"Indulgence is but another mark of kingship." Gilgamesh says.

"They are both partial to blondes." Saber says.

"She's not lying…" Karna says, making Jeanne and MHX pale.

"What were you planning with me…?" MHX asks while stepping away from him.

"Nothing! I'm more into purple now!" Emiya says.

"Always room for one more…or two~" Gilgamesh says while looking at MHX and then Jeanne.

"Sacre bleu…Ca c'est la meilleure!" Jeanne says with her flag in hand.

"Interesting language for a mongrel. I wonder how it sounds in more blissful tones?" Gilgamesh asks, making Jeanne grimace and almost attempt a command before recalling what happened with the other two idiots.

"You're far worse than the one in the Servant verse…!" MHX says with one blade pointing at Gilgamesh.

"Oh God, there's another one?" Artoria asks while cutting an arrow shot for her head. MHX looks at her a moment.

"…Yeah but not as bad, otherwise I would never have dated him. Almost married him too actually. Wanna meet him? I can teleport him here in a moment."

Saber turns her blade upon herself at hearing these words.

"My King, no!"

'Yes! Murder by speech craft!' MHX thinks with a smile.

'And I thought I was self hating…' Emiya thinks.

"By my Command Seal, I forbid you from killing yourself Saber!" Jeanne says with a raised hand.

"WHY?!" Artoria and MHX ask at the same time.

"After everything, you don't deserve to get your way!"

"He is a king! What Arthur says-"

"Can it you disgrace! Or do you want me to bite your neck next!?" Jeanne says while jabbing a finger into Lancelot's helm before turning back to Artoria.

"Lancelot does not deserve such treatment!" Artoria shouts, making Lancelot bend his neck at an angle, a growling audible from his helmet, making both women glance over.

'…Why do I keep forgetting this?…' Artoria thinks as Lancelot screams while picking up a confession booth, further deflating the priest.



===



Rin stops her pursuit of Megumin and Avicebron when she sees Aqua and Chiron running her way.

"Why are you two-"

"Your servant is crazy!" Chiron says, and a moment later Fergus appears running after them.

'…I think I know what's happening…' Rin thinks as Chiron's master, Fiore, wheels herself down the hall in slow pursuit.

"Please get your servant under control!"

"What did he do…?"

"He said horsemen were fine too! Especially if they are divine! Then he started making puns about his riding skill and offered to test both their divinity the only way he knew how!!"

"I did not expect that…I think I'm gonna be sick…"



===

It took some pecking, but now every bird has accepted its role.



===



"Did the report mention anything else about the killer?" Kazuma asks.

"They are fond of disembowelment."

"…I meant about their identity."

"Nothing much about that."

"…Not like today can get much more iffy." Kazuma says as the darkening sky lights up a moment. Turning around they see a beam of light in the distance.

"…Isn't that church with the Red fa-"

"That was Excalibur! Father truly is here!" Mordred says the widest smile.

"I told you that earlier." Shakespeare says.

"I thought you were saying that to make me agree to anything you wanted and couldn't be certain. But this is undeniable proof! I must go to the church and kill him!"

"What about Assassin?" Kairi and Kazuma ask at the same time.

"But father is here! If he's using Excalibur, he could in danger! I must help him!"

"Don't you want to kill him?" Kazuma asks.

"Yes, but if someone is trying to kill father before me, they must die first!"

"You got some conflicting priorities…" Cu says.

"Hardly, my priorities are conflict."

"I'm starting to get a headache…can we find the killer already?" Kazuma says.

"But father-"

"We'll go to the church right after this Assassin thing is settled." Kairi says and Mordred begrudgingly goes along with them.

"Wait…how do we know Assassin would even go for us and not someone else?"

"Because we, or more accurately, I, would be the only mage here… The Clock Tower basically guaranteed that due to the war, and Assassin likely wants mana."

"…Still not fond of letting them have the first strike."

"Nether am I but we don't have other options." Kairi says as a fog starts to roll in with the last of the light fading, street lights now turning on.

Kairi and Kazuma start to cough; lightly at first then quickly becoming hunched over with hacking wheeze, bloody phlegm showing at their mouths.

Mordred and Cu start carrying them to a less foggy area.

"Must be Assassin's Noble Phantasm!" Shakespeare manages to say before starting to hack himself.

"Cure…poison!" Kazuma says, instantly feeling better before casting on Kairi and Shakespeare, reviving them both.

"Surprising…I didn't think that would work so-" Kazuma starts before his enemy detection starts ringing loudly.

"Watch out!" Cu shouts before kicking Kazuma, the glint of a blade nearly going into his neck. Quickly reorienting himself, he sees his killer: A young girl with white hair and a scarred face in a black cape.

"Drats…we almost had you too. Figured the white mage would be protected…"

"Not going to lie, I'm surprised you showed yourself to two Sabers." Cu says, circling with his blade in one direction as Mordred goes the other.

"We don't mind a fight every so often. Besides, we had to deal with him and his healing…And if it meant shortening the time of the 'Child of Light' it was worth the risk." The Assassin girl says, making Cu scowl.

"…Did you talk to a Lancer in gold recently?"

"No, we overheard you conversing earlier, than we looked your name up with mama's phone." The Assassin says, stunning Cu and making Mordred chuckle in her armor.

"…You Googled me?"

"Yes, but we are unsure how much of it is good info. Before we kill you, can you tell us how a spear can be gay?"

Mordred shakes with muffled laughter.

"Oh grow up! It's not my fault your language has a similar sounding word for it!"

"Sounds like a you-" Mordred is cut off when a thrown knife nearly enters the slit in her helm, starting the fight in earnest now.



===



The confession booth soars through the air, over Artoria and Jeanne's ducking heads and towards Gilgamesh.

"Wait…you're that mongrel!" Gilgamesh says before summoning a few spears to destroy the booth, only to see a pew thrown his way next, hidden from behind the booth, forcing him to use the chains to stop it.

"I'll make sure you're properly dead this-" Gilgamesh stops himself from firing a salvo at Lancelot.

'You bastard…!' He thinks as Lancelot holds up one of the few things that would stay his hand.

"Hey let go!" MHX says while struggling in Lancelot's grip, facing Gilgamesh.

"That is the wrong S-" Emiya is cut off from an arrow nearly hitting him in the head.

"Great…protection from arrows…" Atlanta mutters while jumping to one of the remaining rafters for a better shot.

Only for the rafter to crumble under her weight.

Before she hits the ground, she finds herself caught. Looking up she sees the man that she has been trying to shoot the last few minutes. After a minute of not attacking her and instead letting her back to her feet she looks at him askance.

"…Why?"

"…Hard as it is to believe, I didn't come here to pick a fight…Also, I don't have 'protection from arrows'." Emiya says and is met with a flat stare as Atlanta points to the ceiling.

"That was to your Archer, not your side."

"I'm Archer."

"You're other Archer." Emiya says, gesturing towards Gilgamesh dodging an enraged Lancelot as an equally angry MHX tries to free herself from his grip.

"He's Caster."

"He is?! How is he-" Emiya's question is cut off when Kojiro lands against him, tossing them both to the ground. Achilles approaches with spear raised.

"Not bad, but now you-" He stops when Atlanta grips his shoulder.

"I don't think they are so bad…besides, I think they are the bigger threat here." She says, looking at Lancelot, Artoria, and Jeanne.

"By my command seal, calm down and retreat with us!" Jeanne says and Lancelot does as she orders. Gilgamesh raises a hand, calling fourth the Gate of Babylon.

"Now you will-"

"By my command seal, stand down!" Shirou shouts, making Gilgamesh stand frozen, and glare at the priest.

'I'll remember this…'

'I heard that…~' Shirou thinks back as the fight ends.

A few minutes later after catching their breath, Jeanne and Artoria look flatly at Lancelot.

He looks to the ground while still holding an angry MHX.

"Unhand me you horrible Sabers! I do not want to join in this foul ménage a trios!" MHX says, making Jeanne's eye twitch.

"…Really Lancelot?" Saber asks.

"…I'm holding a lion by the neck. I don't relish this, but I don't dare let go." He says and Saber brings out a whip.

'Oh Lord, why have you pressed this trial upon me?' Jeanne thinks as she walks, their footsteps accompanied by the crack of every whip followed by a groan of terror and two groans of contentment.



===

Assassin is easily subdued between the two Sabers and Shakespeare's traumatic Noble Phantasm, leaving her on the ground in tears.

"…I'm starting to feel like we are the bad guy here, and she's the killer…" Kazuma says.

"Those terrible men deserved it!" She says.

"Why?" Kazuma asks.

"Why are you asking her?" Kairi asks.

"Not sure yet. Not the first time I dealt with a murderous loli so-"

"Oh no…You're just like those men." The Assassin says.

"What do you mean?"

"They said loli too…they were usually older guys in suits who bragged about being a…C E O we think?"

"Oh no…"

"Am I missing something? Isn't that part of a word that mean dilly dallying? 'Lollygagging' if I'm not mistaken?" Shakespeare asks.

"Gagging did come up a few times…as well as other things…" The Assassin says, making Kazuma and Kairi groan.

"…I don't get it." Mordred says.

"Me neither." Cu says.

"Me as well." Shakespeare says.

"You don't want to know…" Kazuma and Kairi say at the same time.

Then Kazuma brings out a reusable cup and casts 'create water', almost smiling at the Assassin's wide eyed stare of wonder as he does so. A moment later she drinks it and is quiet a moment.

"It's not warm…but it's nice…"

"Would you stop killing if I keep giving you water?"

"Wait…are you thinking of recruiting her?" Mordred asks.

"We can use the help, and their stealth is excellent. I didn't detect her until she was about to stab me."

"Is that not more reason to kill her?" Shakespeare says.

"I agree with Billy…never thought I would do that…" Mordred says.

"I did something in that fight, call me William! Or Shakespeare! Or the Bard!"

"I'll consider it if you do something without that horrible Noble Phantasm." Mordred says.

"It was pretty bad…" Assassin says.

"…Wouldn't it be more interesting if she's alive and on our side? Could that not add to our chronicle?" Kazuma says and Shakespeare gasps in joy before starting to write furiously down.

"…It would be great to have her as an ally, but I am unsure about her trustworthiness." Mordred says, getting a snicker from Kairi.

"…I'm starting to feel this loli thing is related to 'ugly' bastard'." Cu says.

"…If I join you, can you take in mama too?" Assassin asks.

"Sure. What's your name?"

"We are called Jack the Ripper." Assassin says.

'What is it with England getting the sex mixed up?' Kazuma thinks before they head over to meet Assassin's master.



===

"You cannot bribe me with food! My resolve is stronger than that!" MHX says inside the wooden building while looking directly at the big plate of meat and potatoes.

Artoria starts pulling MHX's plate to herself, only for MHX to grab the plate and start pulling it back.

"I thought you didn't want it?"

"I don't, but I am not letting this go into a disgusting Saber's gullet!"

"We're the same person!"

"I am better!"

"Is that why you couldn't break out of Lancelot's grip?"

"I'm a space crusader of justice, not a grappler!" MHX says.

"…You made some interesting acquaintances Jeanne." Sieg says, making Jeanne sigh.

"I didn't mean to intrude like this…I just wanted to check how you were then the two miscreant saw dinner…"

"It's fine. I think Serge has a habit of making too much anyway. Though I'm surprised you're back again miss."

"I am not here willingly, I've been kidnapped!"

"But aren't you a servant? And where are your traveling companions?"

"Hopefully trying to rescue me from their clutches…Hi ya!" MHX says while stabbing a fork into Saber's hand and begins eating. Then Lancelot grabs her and picks her up, not letting her finish.

"My dinner!"

"Do not harm the king." Lancelot says as Artoria throws out MHX's dinner, bringing a tear to both their eyes. Artoria however stops crying when she starts eating her own dinner.

"Let me go! I haven't done anything to deserve this!" MHX says.

"Arguable." Jeanne mutters as Sieg turns on the radio to lower the tension.

"I didn't start that fight at the church! Nor did I drive this guy to fury! I have only attempted to root out evil!"

"Scientists are still trying to figure out the cause of the mysterious light in Romania today that resulted in the formation of a hole on the moon. Numerous eye witnesses place the light's origin at a small abandoned church ruins."

Saber drops the fork, Lancelot drops the Mysterious Heroine, and Jeanne's jaw drops as Sieg stares at them at all.

MHX twiddles her thumbs a moment before pointing to Artoria.

"…She did it."

Artoria pulls out her blade, as does MHX.

"Not here!" Jeanne shouts, picking up her flag staff.

 

[Davos]

"…Are you sure about this Jack?" The young woman with green gray hair asks.

"We were wary at first too, especially since big brother used the L word earlier." Jack says, making her master look at Kairi.

"I didn't say it." He says before pointing at Kazuma, making the woman look somewhat shocked at Kazuma.

"So young…and already so…"

"I'm not like that!"

The others remain quiet. Kazuma looks at Cu. Cu looks away.

"I mean, you had to tell me what ntr and ugly bastard was."

"You do have no boundaries…" Reika says.

"That is…!" Kazuma slouches, causing Jack to pull on his shirt sleeve in an attempt to cheer him up before they head to the crypt.



===

Jeanne has a fistful of both blonde's hair in her hands as she drives their faces into the ground. Lancelot awkwardly holds a sword at her neck.

"You are not to destroy this house no matter what!"

"I wasn't planning to!" They both say at the same time.

"Like you weren't planning to destroy the church or the moon?!"

"Lancelot, grab her!"

"I…don't want to. She has a strong bite…"

"You useless, insufferable little-" Artoria starts than stops when Lancelot groans happily.

"…This Lancelot is a lot kinkier than the one I know, and he's an active swinger." MHX says.

"What's a swinger Miss Jeanne?" Sieg asks, making Jeanne pale.

'Lord, give me strength…!'



===



"You can't just keep attempting this with everyone Fergus!" Rin says with a hand at her head. Fergus laughs while scratching the back of his head.

"Apologies Master, but I was using strategy."

"Is that what they call sexual harassment in Ireland?!" Aqua shouts from the far end of the hall with Chiron next to her. Fiore is staring flatly at Rin and Fergus.

"Lady Aqua and Chiron seem close, so if Aqua thought Chiron was in danger, I thought she would sacrifice herself." Fergus says.

"That's scummy Fergus!" Rin shouts, before realizing something.

'…Would Kazuma do that?...He might…' Rin thinks in minor horror.

"Your plan is flawed Chiron, Aqua would never do that!"

"Chiron!?"

"Apologies Lady Aqua, but I know you would help if my life was in danger…and as much as I loath his behavior, we both know I am not in mortal danger and that you would likely run away, possibly using your raiment as a means of escape."

"I…wouldn't do that…" Aqua says while looking away.

'She's lying…' Rin, Fiore, and Chiron think at the same time.

"I know how to make her honest~." Fergus says with a glint over his eyelid, making Aqua scream.

Then she gasps with a smile and walks over, much to everyone's surprise, especially Fergus'.

"Sacred heal!" Aqua says, a symbol appearing over Fiore.

"Why did you do that? I wasn't- wait…oh my God…" Fiore says before shakily standing up from her wheelchair, tears forming at her eyes as she takes a few steps.

"It's a miracle! How can I-" Fiore stops, freezing with a possible realization.

"…Aqua….did you heal my legs to toss me to Fergus' insatiable sexual appetite?"

"I thought you would like to test them out right away? You are around that age to be interested in such matters after all!" Aqua says with a smile.

"Lady Aqua!" Chiron shouts.

"…What a horrible Goddess…" Rin says.

"You deplorable self serving little-!" Fiore starts before feeling a big manly hand on her shoulder.

"I can be gentle~." Fergus says, causing Fiore to start running away, already able to run swiftly and gracefully like a new born doe with a wolf in pursuit.

Chiron shoots two arrows, the points embedding Fergus' boots to the floor to buy Fiore an extra moment before he picks her up and starts running away.

Fergus frees himself and resumes pursuit.

Rin glares at Aqua.

"What? She can walk and has an experienced man willing to take his time with her. Not once in his legend did it say he was a bad lover, this is an opportunity she'll never have again! If anything, she should be thanking me for making this possible, and you should as well! Isn't this what they call 'making good relations'?" Aqua says with her fists on her hips.

Rin merely stares, unable to voice a reply at such a display of pure smooth brained water.

Then Vlad and Darnic approach from the other end of the hall, Vlad with a steely gaze, and Darnic with one of exasperation.



===

The birds build, and they are building faster.



===



Kazuma returns to the crypt and hands Jack and Reika the heated blanket along with another large bottle of water.

"This is the best day ever!" Jack muses before drinking the water while in the heated blanket with Reika as she plays a game on a hand held.

"…You only bought one?" Mordred asks.

"One was enough for them." Kazuma asks.

"Why I should go cold?" Mordred asks.

"I would also like this warming device…it would help me write." Shakespeare says.

"I wouldn't mind one." Cu says.

"I'm not buying you all a heated blanket!" Kazuma says.

"You didn't buy anything; that was my money." Kairi says.

"Sorry, force of habit." Kazuma says before turning back to Jack and Reika.

"So…what do you know about the Black faction?"

"Nothing, never met them." Reika says.

"That makes sense…if you don't mind my asking, what were you planning?"

"Don't really have a plan. We were thinking of raiding the Black side's basement during a battle. Jacky found lots of bodies there, but with this water of yours that is not as important now."

"Bodies?" Kairi asks.

"Homunculus, lots of them too. Like a small army." Reika says, making Cu straighten up.

"Surprising…guess that's another reason to avoid that place." Kazuma says.

"No Kazuma…that's a reason to go straight there." Cu says.

"…Why?" Kazuma asks despite a suspicion.

"We must free the homunculi!" Cu says.

"Why?" Everyone present asks.

Everyone except Kazuma.

"Don't they deserve to live?"

"You want to lead an assault on a castle to free them?" Mordred asks with a flat tone.

"…It would easily send word back to Artoria, and who will he think of first for such a brazen act of rebellion?" Cu says with a smile.

Mordred slowly smiles back.

"I know you're bullshitting me now-"

"Language!" Jack says.

"Bite me…but I am eager for a fight now, and with Jacko's stealth-"

"Please don't call her that." Reika says.

"We may actually have a shot of surviving such a plan."

"This is a terrible idea…but removing the homunculus from their forces would cripple them…" Kairi says.

"And it would make for a fantastic battle scene! One I will observe from very far away!"

"You're in the vanguard." Mordred says.

"Why?! I don't even have a weapon! You three are the ones with blades!" Shakespeare says.

"Don't you know bard? The pen is mightier than the sword~."

"…Is this revenge for whatever I showed you during my Noble Phantasm?"

"Nooooo…~"

'That means yes…' Everyone but Reika and Jack think.

"Wait, you used that Noble Phantasm on big sis?" Jack asks.

"Yes."

"Don't call me-"

"You deserve to be in the front. We'll even use our fog so the enemy cannot escape you…and prevent you avoiding them." Jack says with needle point eyes, making Shakespeare blanch. Her gaze softens when Mordred pats her head.

"No need for that, big sis will make sure he doesn't run away!"

"Ok!"

"…I feel targeted…" Shakespeare mutters with a tear in his eye.

"…I thought you didn't like being called a woman?" Kazuma asks.

"I don't but Jacky gets a pass." Mordred says.

Kazuma glances over at Cu. Cu glances back.

'…You're doing this for homunculussy aren't you?' Kazuma thinks at him.

Cu merely smiles back.





===



"Do I need to explain why you cannot sic your servant on the other masters here?" Vlad asks, arms crossed, finger tapping his elbow as he looks down at Rin, who looks away.

'God…I would probably be enjoying this more if I was single and we were in a private setting…' Rin thinks, unable to respond for a moment. She manages to calm herself after a breath.

"I-"

"No excuses." Vlad says, his tone sending a shudder through Rin.

"Hng…!"

"My Lord, you are frightening her!" Darnic says.

'Oh that's not fear I'm feeling…' Rin thinks before glancing at Aqua who looks at her in disgust. Rin clenches a fist but resists punching the blue thing.

A horrendously loud noise of breaking glass startles everyone before a second sound of broken glass is heard as Fergus lands on his back in the hall. Vlad pinches the bridge of his nose, speaking without turning around.

"Allow me to guess…You tried accosting Berserker while pursuing Fiore and Chiron, and she hit you with her weapon, sending you flying through two windows."

"Indeed…I think I'm in love~." Fergus says, making Vlad and Rin cup their faces at the same time.

"You three are exiled." Vlad says, making Darnic and Aqua gasp.

"I understand…wait, three?" Rin asks.

"Lady Dustiness and Megumin can stay."

"Wait, Darkness I understand since you're smitten with her facade, but why does Megumin stay? She blew up your side yard! I didn't so I should stay too!" Aqua says.

"I am not smitten, and I am well aware of the damage she has caused…but she has made Avicebron more personable, so I am willing to try and reason with her. As for you, it has been one day, and most of our wine cellar is empty! Also, I am not going to reason any longer with…this." Vlad says the last part while looking at Fergus.

Fergus stands up and cracks his neck.

"And what if I do not wish to leave?"

"You will." Vlad says, spear in hand now.

Fergus smiles, his sword appearing.

"If that is to frighten me, you are mistaken Count…I always wanted to see if I could kill a Neamh-mairbh!" Fergus says, making veins appear on Vlad's forehead.

Rin grabs Aqua and hurries towards Fergus.

"We are leaving, now!"

"But-"

"I will use a command seal if I have to!"

Fergus sullenly leaves the castle along with Aqua and Rin.



===



"So…what is your plan here now that you are a master, you supposed saint?" Artoria asks.

"I am thinking of handing you off to the Black faction."

"Wouldn't that unfairly bolster their numbers?" Lancelot asks.

"At this point, it would be more unfair not to sic you on them so Red is the only ones annoyed."

Lancelot and Artoria remain silent.

"What about me?" MHX asks.

"You're going with them."

"But I'm not a servant in this war! I'm a counter guardian sent here to kill Sabers!"

"There is no way there is a Counter Guardian as asinine as you!"

"Obvious you haven't met Emiya yet…" MHX mutters as a knock is heard at the door. Jeanne makes the three wait in another room as she answers. On the other side is a blue haired woman, and a dark haired woman in twintails.

"Sorry for the bother, but can you tell us where the church is? We are a little lost…" The blue one asks.

"Oh, it is down that way to the left…though it is a bit damaged so you might not want to go there now."

"That is fine, we were just going to ask around for someone, but thank you for your concern."

"Not at all. May God bless you." Jeanne says.

"No need for that, I can bless myself!" the woman says before heading off with her companion to the church.

'A little sacrilegious but hardly a concern after rec-'

The sound of destruction further back forces Jeanne to run to the room.

"One minute! Can you three not be trouble for one minute?!"



===

"Good idea having Fergus in spirit form…he totally would have jumped the blonde woman back there, especially with how brazen she was with her chest." Aqua says to Rin.

"I don't think she was doing that…" Rin says with a sigh before they see the church.

Half of it is rumble with tarps hastily put up to act as makeshift walls and a roof. Wood and stone splinters litter the area as well as burnt grass.

"…You sure this is the right place? I don't see how a priest who let his church go into such disrepair would have any hand in a Grail War…If this was an Axis church I would totally condemn someone for this…" Aqua says.

"It's the only lead we got…and its how things are done…though they are never this badly kept." Rin says before they enter.

"Pardon us, we are uh…looking for someone and thought this might be a good place to start." Rin says.

"Welcome…apologies for the…everything. It's been a rough few days…" The father says with a slightly vacant look in his eyes.

"I…can see. You wouldn't happen to know about a Kazuma Satou would you?" Rin asks, making the priest raise an eyebrow.

"He was here a few days ago, but has left…funnily enough you aren't the first person to ask about him."

"Really? That is surprising." Aqua says.

"Are you going to kill him as well?" The priest asks, making Rin sigh.

"No, we are here to prevent him from being killed and causing trouble…"

"A little late…but I can send word to you if we hear anything."

"That would be appreciated. My name is Rin Tohsaka, and she is Aqua."

"Nice to meet you. My name is S-ack…sorry, something caught in my throat."

'Almost said 'Shirou' again…Hopefully this new first name will lead to smoother dealings.'

"My name is Kirei Kotomine." Shirou says, and he notices how Rin's eyes become lightless.

"…Did you say Kirei?"

'Oh COME ON!' Shirou thinks with a stiff smile, dreading the next minute.

"Sorry, I uh…knew someone terrible with that name and it-"

"Caused a visceral reaction?"

"Yes…"

"No worries…been familiar with that lately."

"Hopefully you get some donations to cover the cost of r…" Rin stops when she sees him come out of the back room and he also stops.

"…Hello Rin." Archer says.

"…Emiya."

"You know each other?"

'Oh no, will this be like with Gilgamesh and she'll start an attack?'

"Yes…and I am to assume you're here on Alaya's behalf?"

"Indeed. I'm sure you can figure out what that-"

"Faker, will you just leave al- AH!" Gilgamesh stops when he enters the room, seeing Rin. He looks next to her and sees Aqua and he pales further.

"Why is she here?!" He asks.

"I'm here to-" Rin starts to say with clenched fists.

"Not you…HER!" He says to Aqua.

"Oh hi Gilly!" Aqua says with a wave.

"Don't you 'hi' me you blue hue drown inducing tart!"

"How rude! I only flooded Babylon once!"

"And most of the world! It's called the 'Great Flood' you imbecile!" Gilgamesh shouts.

"What?!" Shirou asks as Rin and Archer remain quiet a moment.

"At least I didn't do it again!"

"Oh God, was this what Eris meant by bringing you was a mistake?" Rin says out loud.

"I've been good! I only flooded one hallway!"

"Oh no, she's doing it again…Wait, I thought you were exiled somewhere to the East after that debacle?" Gilgamesh says with a hand against the doorway.

Rin looks at Aqua before looking at the priest, Emiya, and Gilgamesh.

She takes Aqua outside with her.

'Well at least it ended peacefully enough…' Shirou thinks before realizing what he thought.

A minute later three words are shouted out from outside.

"Sacred Create Water!"

 

[Davos]

The tarp roof holds for a moment, enough for true dread and realization to settle into Shirou Kotomine's bones.

"Oh no, not again…" Gilgamesh says with a warble as the other servants enter and see their impending drowning.

'I wonder if the insurance company will refuse to pay by calling this an act of God?' Shirou thinks in a slow moment of clarity as the tarp rips, water quickly filling the ruins of a church.

"…I think you over did it…" Rin says as the water spills out into the area, not slowing down.

"Yeah, I usually do…We should get to higher ground…" Aqua says and they make their way up the hill.

"And you complain about my temperament." Fergus says from spirit form.

"This is a completely different from your perversion!" Aqua says.

"Not really…with three words you made a bunch of people wet~." Fergus says with a big grin as Aqua yells in outrage.

Then Rin realizes something.

'…I'm homeless without any money in a country with a different language…Oh God, this is worse than my circumstances if I never left Japan in the first place…'

Rin has to resist screaming.





===



"Shouldn't we investigate that?" MHX asks as she is carried by the back of her neck by Lancelot to the castle of Black.

"I was going to until I realized it was the church where I got you three from…I don't want a fourth one." Jeanne says.

"…What saintly behavior." Artoria says.

"Bite me. I'm not spending a night with you people." Jeanne says, making Lancelot flinch.



===



"…I hate this plan." Kazuma says.

"Why? If it goes well, there is no fighting." Cu says.

"And if it doesn't go well, which given our luck in the previous war, I'm all but certain it won't, which means I have to stare down the entire black faction with only Willy and Jack, no offense Jack."

"None taken…we are not as well suited to combat as other classes."

"…What about me?" William asks.

"You'll have Mordred nearby when things go sideways." Cu says.

"'When'? Not 'if'? Even you believe this will go to shit!"

"I'm sure it'll work out. It usually does for us somehow."

'…Sounding a lot like Aqua now…' Kazuma thinks.

"I don't appreciate that tone Kazuma.' Cu thinks back before Mordred gasps.

"I forgot about father! We must go to the church!"

"I doubt he's still there after using Excalibur on the church." Kairi says.

"Where else would he be? I doubt he'll just walk into the enemy stronghold and be welcome with open arms." Mordred says before yawning.

Jack also yawns, and soon everyone is yawning.

They decide to call it a night and start operation 'Homes for homunculi' in the morning.



===

The birds finish the first one, and soon construction of the second begins.



===

"Ruler? What brings you here?" Astolfo asks upon seeing Jeanne and her entourage at the door.

"I…bit of a long story, but I come with three servants to join your side."

"…What? Why would wait…how would you even-"

"One of them is a Saber! She's powerful!" Jeanne says, placing a hand on Artoria's shoulder, getting a quick glare from Artoria, and a longer glare from the still mid air MHX.

"Okay, come on in. I'll get Vlady out in a bit."

A few minutes later, Vlad, Fran, and Chiron are there with their respective Masters to meet them.

"You truly are bestowing three Servants to us? I must ask why since you are supposed to be neutral." Vlad asks.

"Admittedly, this is against the rules…but I am willing to overlook it in this case because…Look at this." Jeanne says before presenting her hands and showing her command seals, stunning everyone present.

"Before you ask, I have no idea how I received these command seals, and would like to relinquish them to your side."

"…Not that I am ungrateful, but why did you not go to Red with these Servants?" Chiron asks.

"…They were originally Red's Servants." Jeanne says with a grimace.

"Then we refuse." Vlad says.

"…Why?" Jeanne says with needle point eyes, almost making Vlad lean back.

"It is likely a plot by Red…and all the more suspicious that you have command seals. It seems plausible that you are taking sides or acting on the hope of granting a wish from the Grail."

"I would never!"

"I am no stranger to lies Ruler, and you must realize how odd this gift of yours must appear."

"He makes fair points Saint." Artoria says.

"Quiet, I don't need your interference right now." Jeanne mutters back before continuing.

"They are King Arthur and Lancelot. Does knowing their names put you more at ease?"

"…Who is the other one that is being carried?" Berserker's master asks.

"She is uh…"

"I am Mysterious Heroine X!"

"So she has amnesia?" Fiore asks from wheel chair.

"No, she is eccentric…but still very powerful!" Jeanne says.

"I am from the Servant-verse! That is a perfectly normal greeting from there!" MHX says.

"Oh God there's a second one…" Vlad mutters, as the doors open with Avicebron and Megumin entering.

"Your greeting is far too low key! You should list a feat you have done or a skill or goal to make it more stylish!" Megumin says with a swish of her cape.

"You're right! I am Mysterious Heroine X, and I will destroy all Sabers!"

"Better!"

"…Isn't that a Saber Servant next to you?" Chiron asks.

"I am having technical difficulties at this point in time." She says while pointing at Lancelot.

"She must at least join us." Avicebron says, making Vlad pinch the bridge of his nose.

"It is bad enough you are attempting odd experiments during a war, you will have no say in who joins us, otherwise you're young master will have to use a seal."

"I will do no such thing." Megumin says.

"You are not a Master." Vlad says, prompting Megumin to pose while showing the back of her hand that has three command seals.

"…What did you do to Roche?" Darnic asks.

"I cut off his hand and transferred the seals over."

"How dare-"

"I replaced his hand and he is happy with the new appendage." Avicebron says.

"Indeed…I almost want that hand myself." Megumin says as the sound of shattering glass is heard.

"Sorry! Misfire!" Roche says from the hall. Chiron goes into the hall and comes back a minute later open mouthed.

"You gave a teenager a gun for a hand?!"

"No, it's a hand that transforms into a gun. Though if you want to be more accurate since there is no cartridges and the fact it uses his mana to fire more potent forms of projectile curses, 'gun hand' is not quite a fitting term." Avicebron says.

"The semantics are not the issue here Caster!"

"When did you do this?" Vlad asks.

"About the same time you banished the perverted Saber and his Master."

"…You summoned another Saber and turned him away?" Jeanne asks, feeling a vexing case of déjà vu.

"That cretin was beyond any capability of a trustworthy teammate. He has traumatized and angered most of us!"

"How?"

"He attempted to forcibly bed a number of the members of Black." Vlad says, making Jeanne grimace.

"He is worthy of death…he must be the reason I was summoned to this world!" MHX mutters dramatically.

"How deplorable!...To force someone to act…reprehensible!" Jeanne says, making Artoria look at her.

"Hypocrite." Artoria says with a French accent.

"You deserved that and you know it!" Jeanne mutters before turning back to Vlad.

"But I can assure you of their destructive prowess."

"I'm more concerned about their loyalty and that you are trying this hard to have us take them in." Vlad says.

"…These two blew up the moon earlier."

"We'll take them." Vlad says.

"Thank you!" Jeanne says, resisting the urge to cry.

"My Lord?!"

'We are facing demigods. To turn away this firepower would be ill advised…though I understand your concern, I am sure I can reason with them.' Vlad tells Darnic telepathically before having Avicebron take the command seals from Ruler without cutting off her hands. The set for Lancelot was transferred to Roche, the set for Saber to Gordes.

"What is your class Lancelot?" Roche asks flatly.

"I am Caster."

"In…that armor?" Avicebron asks.

"I was originally Berserker."

"…How did you change classes?" Vlad asks.

"Through sheer force of will for my King." Lancelot says with a fist at his heart.

"So you're Saber? You are a lot smaller than Siegfried, but I am sure you won't be nearly as troubles-" Gordes says while reaching out to Saber, getting am invisible sword at his neck.

"You dare touch me with that maw you call a hand, I am cutting it off and feeding it to you like the boar you resemble."

"And I will assist!" Lancelot says while picking up a nearby vase and making it turn as black as his armor.

"So cool…!" Megumin says.

"…Ruler…" Vlad asks.

"No refunds!" Jeanne says before taking her leave, nearly skipping out the door.

"Where is this perverted Saber!?" MHX asks while still being held by Lancelot in the air.

Outside, Jeanne freely skips down the road with a smile on her face, fully aware Leticia, the human she is possessing, is thinking waves of negativity at her for this action.

She doesn't care, she only has one thought in hr head.

'Sweet, sweet, freedom!'



===

Rin has her hands at her ears as Aqua cries louder, and louder, and louder still on the hay stack.

Then she sits up and grabs the Goddess by the neck.

"Will you be quiet already!? I'm trying to sleep!"

"No! I am allowed to vent in these circumstances! I can't believe I am sleeping in a stable again! Me, a Goddess! I swear, you Japanese people are hopeless useless perverts!"

"You want to talk about useless?! Kazuma told me about how you 'helped' most days! And do you really want to be reminded that you got yourself tossed out because you couldn't limit yourself to one or two glasses?!"

"It's not my fault the wine was tasty!" Aqua shouts back while grabbing Rin by the neck.

"8 bottles though?! And one of those was at breakfast!"

"I have good taste!"

"Hardly! Even I knew some those bottles needed a few more years of aging!"

"I was saving the really good stuff for later!"

"Like you understand any concept of 'saving' you disaster of a deity?!"

"I save plenty of people!"

"Is that to make up for causing a near extinction event?!" Rin shouts.

"No, that was when I helped Heracles clean that stable in a day!" Aqua shouts back louder.

A cough at the door interrupts them. Looking over they see the stable master.

"I am aware you had a bad day, but please keep it down…the echo goes quite far and I doubt you want everyone hearing your lover's quarrel." He says before apologizing and leaving as they remain silent.

"I'm going to kill him…" Rin mutters.

"I'm gonna have Eris curse him…" Aqua mutters.

"I know how to make your night better, ladies~." Fergus says appearing in front of them with his fists on his hips.

Rin raises a hand and he leaves with a click of his tongue.



===

The Red faction uses the few remaining tarps to create a few makeshift tents. There was only enough for 4 tents.

"Quite the day eh, Big sis?" Achilles asks when he comes over to relieve Atlanta of her watch."

"Don't call me that." She says with a yawn.

When Atlanta came back to her and Semiramis' tent, she finds it empty.

'Odd…she doesn't have the next watch.' She thinks before she uses her heightened senses and quickly locates her…inside Shirou's tent with him and Gilgamesh.

Atlanta spends the rest of the night with a pillow over her ears, trying to drown out the sounds, grunts, and haughty laughter.





===

"…This man sounds utterly deplorable. I can see why you are high strung." Vlad says before offering Saber a refill of wine.

"Indeed…though I will try to compose myself, I must ask one favor." Artoria says after declining a second glass.

"I will at least listen to your request."

"My son is in this war."

"You wish to avoid them? I recall in your legend that the battle with them cost you your life so I can grant that."

"No, I wish to face them when they appear."

"Surprising…few would wish to face the cause of their death."

"I have been in an increasingly angry state the last few weeks. Seeing and fighting Mordred will likely calm me down…and as a show of good faith, you should know about the enemy Caster and Counter Guardian clad in red." Artoria says before continuing a pleasant discussion with the Impaler through the night.



===

Aqua nearly dies of fright at Rin's sullen morning face.

"…I think you need coffee…Good thing about Romania, because of the Turks coming here, their coffee is readily available!"

"That would be good…if we had money!"

"You can't blame me for that, that's your fault for starting this thing without grabbing some cash."

"What about you then?"

"We…kinda fell into debt while Kazuma was away." Aqua says while looking away. Aqua starts to sweat nervously when Rin's arms start glowing as she cracks her knuckles.



===



After a pleasant breakfast, they begin the operation. Kazuma knocks n the castle gate, introducing himself as Jack's Master, with William in cuffs next to him as an offering.

A few minutes later, a weary Vlad and puzzled Chiron meet them.

"Apologies for the wait, I had trouble sleeping after hearing various tales of a most horrible and impale worthy young man named Kazuma Satou." Vlad says, making Kazuma smile stiffly.

'I haven't even met these people and I'm already on their shit list?! How?!'

'Maybe you have a passive 'Negative Charisma' skill?' Cu thinks at Kazuma.

'…Just hurry up Cu!' Kazuma thinks.

'Relax, just make up a name. I'm already past the guards and found the- oh no…'

'Trouble on your end?'

'They aren't hot women! They look bland!'

Kazuma ignores this non issue.

"My name is Kyouya Mitsurugi. I am Assassin's Master, and bring with me the Caster of Red as an apology gift for my late arrival."

"A most courteous showing…though that doesn't pardon your killing of my countrymen." Vlad says, making Kazuma smile stiffly again as he looks at Jack who glances away.

"…We were hungry."

"Hungry? Do you not provide mana?"

"I…do not have the capability to provide mana."

"Surprising…More so since you were able to take out Hyouma, even if he was a second rate mage." Fiore says.

"That was us…we did not like this Hyouma…It was during one such feeding that we chanced upon William Shakey-speare, the tard!" Jack says.

"Bard! Bard with a 'b'! And my name is not Shakey-speare!" William says as Chiron stifles a chuckle.

"Fair enough…though your lack of magical circuits is concerning, we can at least handle the issue of mana for Jack. Welcome to-"

The clang of a tray silences interrupts them and causes everyone to look at the source.

It's Saber, dropping her breakfast, looking squarely at Kazuma.

'Oh, that's how…' Kazuma thinks as Saber pulls out her sword.

 

[Davos]

"I cannot believe you are here…but I will make the most of this." Saber says with a smile while walking towards Kazuma, Will and Jack.

"Saber? What is the meaning of this?" Vlad asks.

"This is Kazuma Satou!" Saber says while pointing her blade, Jack drawing her blades as William frees himself.

"…I am not surprised you would lie after everything else you have done. I should have asked for your physical description." Vlad says while standing. Chiron readies his bow with a sigh.

'Cu, give the signal for Mordred! We need to leave now!'

'Done. Almost done here so I'll be over in a minute.' Cu thinks as Vlad raises a fist.



===



Atlanta can barely look at Semiramis now.

Semiramis does not appreciate the look.

"Something the matter?" Semiramis asks while crossing both her arms, her new one a little slow in the movement.

"To corrupt a holy man…and to do that with another…"

"…King Gilgamesh did most of the corrupting."

"And you're just a pure maiden at the wrong place and the wrong time?"

"I needed mana for my arm and Noble Phantasm."

"I heard what you said last night. That wasn't a thirst for mana last night…I can't believe you have a nun outfit." Atlanta says while twitching her ears, making Semiramis blush and scowl.

Achilles looks at Karna from around a tree.

"…She isn't lying." Karna says with a sigh.

"…Woah…"



===

"Die monster, you don't belong in this world." Vlad says, only stopping from casting his Noble Phantasm when Jack starts giggling madly.

"It was not by my hand that I am once again given flesh. I was summoned here by a human giving me tribute!" Jack says in a slightly deeper voice.

'Oh wow she's got good taste…' Kazuma thinks.

"Tribute? You consume my countrymen's souls and make them your meals!"

'Is…he doing this on purpose? I can't tell…'

"Perhaps he same could be said of all holy orders…especially those with dragons~." Jack says, drawing a scowl from Vlad.

"Your words are as empty as your conscious. The Black faction ill needs a Servant such as you."

"What is the Black faction? A miserable little group led by Count Dracula~." Jack says with a smirk and fists on her hips.

"Enough talk, have at you!" Vlad says, now entirely focused on Jack, chasing her into the other room.

'Well, that's one threat out the way…' Kazuma thinks as Artoria draws closer. William barely dodges an arrow with a yell, falling onto his side.

Artoria leaps forward, sword raised high, ready to cleave Kazuma in two when a helmet cracks against her head, throwing her aim off enough to let Kazuma evade it.

"Who in the world would-" Artoria stops when she sees the familiar red and white helmet.

"Greetings father!"

"…Mordred." Artoria says, turning to face Mordred, who looks at her oddly while walking closer to Kazuma.

"Is that all you have to say? It's been a lifetime! Where's the feast?"

"I thought I had more time before meeting you. A shame there is something else I must attend to first." Artoria says while looking past Mordred to Kazuma.

"I'm hurt! So painfully and-"

A sound of wood falling onto marble is heard.

"No! No! Wait…this has to be fake…it cannot be real!" Chiron shouts while backing away.

Mordred glances back and sees Shakespeare is using his Noble Phantasm with sweat going down his brow.

"Wait…you're Fergus…you're Fergus too?! Why is everybody Fergus?!"

"…He's awfully loud…wait…" Mordred realizes something with a pale pallor before looking back at Kazuma.

"You lied about hearing me didn't you?!"

"We were being considerate of your feelings! It was really awkward to hear!" Kazuma shouts.

"S-so you know about mother?!"

"This isn't the time to talk about your phobia of whips!" Kazuma says making Mordred squeak in horror and fury.

"Morgan used a whip on you as well? I'm not surprised…Consent was not part of her vocabulary…" Artoria says.

'Oh God, as if my family tree wasn't disturbing me enough already…'

"Not you too Lady Aqua!" Chiron shouts.

"Wait wh-" Kazuma's shock is overshadowed by the clang of knightly steel from Father and Son.



===

Jeanne wakes up well rested.

This worries her.

"…I should probably check on Black…Preferably without those pests seeing me. I doubt even they would get into much trouble before a full day has passed." She says, hoping against hope as she heads for the castle.

As she nears she sees a swarm of homunculi leave the castle. Focusing she sees a man in blue waving his arm.

"You're all free now!"

"…What in the Lord's name?"



===



Even with such horrific realizations, Mordred quickly finds her rhythm while fighting Artoria, and lands a satisfying blow against Artoria's head, making her step back on the defensive.

"And I thought I was out of it…I'm starting to think there would be no point in beating you like this~." Mordred says between blows, one taking out a chunk of pillar.

"…You always were a cocky bastard."

"The Hell did you-" Mordred's words are cut off when her blade is sent flying away and she feels the flat of Excalibur smacking her head, sending her flying to the other side of the room.

"Shakespeare, can you hit multiple people with that trauma simulator of yours?" Kazuma says while backing up, shuddering at the smile on the blonde's face.

"It becomes more difficult with multiple targets, and with her magic resistance, I would have to stop using it on Archer for it to work…" He says, also backing up as Saber continues stepping closer.

"Father!" Mordred says back on her feet.

Artoria snaps her fingers and many violent steps are heard coming down the stairs before the knight in black armor kicks open the door.

"My King!"

"Lancelot?!"

"Mordred?!"

"Entertain him until I finish with these two." Artoria says.

"Yes!" Lancelot says before picking up a large painting of Darnic and making it black.

"…Crap." Mordred says as Lancelot charges her.



===

'What the Hell are you doing Jack?!' Reika shouts telepathically at Jack as she dodges another spike from the Impaler.

'Language~.'

'JACK!'

'We're buying time for Big brother and the others by distracting one of their strongest! Besides, when would we ever have the chance to use those lines again?'

'Vlad the Impaler gets a massive power boost from fighting in his own lands!' Reika thinks as Jack side steps another impaling spike and Vlad's lance before throwing something that lands harmlessly against Vlad's chest.

'We know…but we suspect like most others here he has anger problems. Besides momma, there is one other thing to consider.' Jack thinks as Vlad glances down he sees it is a clove of garlic. He clenches his jaw at the sight.

"I know you are merely doing this to distract me…and I will make you suffer slowly for this."

'And what is that?' Reika asks, her worry noticeable.

"We would say bite me…" Jack says with a grin, drawing a fiercer scowl from the Count.

'We're world famous!'

"But you'd want that wouldn't you?" Jack says while tiling her head, exposing her neck.

Vlad raises his fist, glowing brightly as he says the name of his Noble Phantasm.



===



Jeanne stops at the open castle gate, where she hears the sound of combat inside, sees a portion of the castle wall explode with spikes, and meets the gaze of a swordsman in blue running alongside Astolfo.

'Knew I should have slept in this morning…' Jeanne thinks.

"'Agreed…not often we get a cute boy making us coffee.' Laeticia thinks.

'It's not like that!' Jeanne thinks back before facing the now closer swordsman and knight.

"…What is going on here?"

"...Would you believe me if I said we didn't mean to start a fight?"

"No. Who are you?" Jeanne asks.

"I'm Cu Chulainn."

"Black Faction summoned you?"

"No, I'm part of a third party."

"The Counter Guardians with the blonde and man in red?"

"Make it a fourth- did you say man in red?" Cu asks with a glare.

"Yes?"

"Did this man have twin blades of black and white?"

"Yes…why does that-"

Cu is already running off for the castle.

"…I'm surprised your master hasn't stopped you." Jeanne says.

"She's got her hands full~." Astolfo says with a smile.



===



"Leave me alone!" Celenike says, running away from Darkness.

"I will n-" the clang of steel interrupts Darkness, making her change direction.

"Oh thank God…I will make Astolfo suffer for this…!"



===



Rin and Aqua see smoke in the distance at the castle.

"…We should probably go over there." Rin says as her stomach growls.

"I don't want to be yelled at again…" Aqua says before her stomach growls. Then they look at the other and come to the same thought.

'We can raid the pantry if nothing else.'



===



Cu enters the room, and a moment later Jeanne is standing next to him and sees Saber trying to wrestle her blade away from a blonde knight in orange and white armor. Saber starts punching the knight in the face, making Kazuma groan in despair as the knight moans in bliss.

"Let go!"

"Never~! Not as long as you keep hitting me!"

"What?!"

"…Thanks for saving me Darkness…but can you be less you?"

"Is that anyway to speak to me after so many weeks? You truly are as scummy as ever~!" Darkness coos out as Artoria continues trying to pull her blade away from Darkness.

"This is absurd…Pulling the Sword of Selection was easier than this!" Artoria mutters while placing an armored foot on Darkness stomach.

"Oh Gods…to be stepped on during combat! Please, keep this up!"

Artoria jumps back, resisting the urge to spit.

A shadow appears overhead and a blonde woman in shorts and a sports jacket lands with two blades in hand.

"My time has arrived! So many Sabers to kill and I just finished breakfast!" MHX says with a blade flourish.

"Lancelot! Handle the deranged blonde!"

"Which one my King?! Ruler and MHX are here!"

"Oh no…!"

"I'm not deranged!" Jeanne and MHX shout at the same time.

"Menteuse!" Artoria shouts back as she and Lancelot exchange opponents.

"I shall retrieve your sword!" Lancelot says. Darkness meets Lancelot with a drooling smile.

Mordred cracks her knuckles at facing Artoria.

"You really think you can best me in hand to-"

The crack of a whip appearing in Artoria's hand makes Mordred pale.

"Mommy…?" Mordred asks with vacant eyes, making Artoria's eye twitch.

'…I still feel bad about doing this...' Artoria thinks.

'Oh crap…' Kazuma, Cu, and Shakespeare think at the same time.



===

"The preparations are…complete!" Avicebron says with glee as Megumin stands in the circle.

"We shall carve our names upon the stars!" Megumin says with a thumbs up.

"And light up the void of space!" Avicebron says.

"The Heavens will know our names!" They both say at the same time as the ritual starts, earth, metal, and rock quickly converging upon Megumin.



===



Mordred backs up a step as Artoria gives another test crack of her whip.

Cu starts running forward to help, only to nearly be crushed by Berserker and her spiked mace.

MHX charges forward and strikes at Jeanne.

"What in the-"

"I sense you have the capacity for the Saber class. You must die before you become corrupted!"

"I would never become a Saber! Or corrupted!"

"Not if I have my way! And this is for not feeding me a proper meal!" MHX shouts, swinging and making Jeanne evade and start deflecting.

"My back!" Lancelot shouts as he is bear hugged by Darkness, eliciting another crack in his spine.

"This is for saying I have big manly muscles!"

"I never said that, I said you must be a formidable warrior and quite stro-AHHHH" Lancelot screams as he hits Darkness with the hilt of Excalibur, eliciting moans.

The doors open from Jack jumping through them.

"Big sis, we messed up a little…" Jack says to Mordred and Vlad enters the room through the wall.

"Insolent child! I will have my next meal with you upon a stake!" Vlad shouts.

"…Wanna trade?" Mordred asks.

"Yes!" Jack says as Artoria cracks her whip. Mordred jumps away and kicks up her sword, grabbing it. Artoria manages to quickly rebound into another lashing, only for it to be pinned to the wall with throwing knives.

"Don't kill father, that is for me!"

"Ok!" Jack says as Lancelot throws Excalibur back to Artoria who catches it and squares up against Jack.

Mordred has already closed distance to Vlad and is deflecting and riposting against him but slowly losing ground against the fervor of the furious Lancer.

Cu quickly recovers and is pushing Berserker back as the other Master's of black enter the room.

"Wait…Are you sure?" Caules mutters.

"What is it brother?" Fiore asks.

"Berserker says this swordsman moves similarly to Fergus!" Caules says, making Fiore and Darnic blanch.

"You know Fergus? Fergus Mac Roich?" Cu asks.

"Yes he was here until yesterday…How do you know him?"

"He's my step father!" Cu says, making Berserker growl loudly, sparks filling the air, making Vlad yell as he kicks Mordred clean across the room, landing near Jack, and making Fiore stand up from her wheelchair.

The sight of Fiore standing makes Jack gasp.

"It's like that one boss…I think we're fucked…" Jack says.

"Language…" Mordred says with blood at her mouth as she stands.

Lancelot groans at finally freeing himself from Darkness and tossing her at Kazuma.

Kazuma sees his comrade soaring through the air towards him and does the only reasonable course of action.

He ducks, allowing her to smash against a pillar, and through it.

"To not even attempt to catch me, to let me crash against the cold unforgiving pillar…divine~." She mutters while cupping her face and standing up unharmed.

"By my command Seal, break free of the Phantasm affecting you!" Fiore says and Chiron gasps and looks around.

"Oh thank Gods…everything is back to normal!"

"Kazuma, I think we should really consider leaving…" Shakespeare says.

"I know…Jack?"

"Our fog needs a little time to fill a room…"

"Urgent news!" A homunculus messenger says upon entering the room.

"It can wait." Vlad says.

"It cannot! The castle of the Red Faction is approaching our location!"

"What?! What do you mean-" Vlad asks in a moment of shared shock.

A moment long enough for poisonous fog to fill the room, allowing their escape.



===

Aqua and Rin look at the castle from afar.

"...Megumin?"

"She doesn't go for castles with occupants still in- Wait…is that…?" Aqua trails off when she sees a dozen people flee the castle, among them is Kazuma.

"Hey!" She says and he looks up, still pale from near death.

"…Can't say I'm surprised you are all here after seeing Darkness…good to see you again Ri-wait…where's Megumin?" Kazuma asks before a roar is overheard nearby.

"It's…alive!" Avicebron shouts with out stretched hands at his success, a towering giant of a golem.

Jeanne appears a moment later, slightly ragged in breath and some of her clothing torn.

"That…That's is Avicebron Noble Phantasm! The Golem Keter Malkuth!" Jeanne says with wide eyes.

"I am not a Keter Malkuth, I am Megumin! No…Mech-umin!" The golem shouts back with a one legged pose while looking at the group.

"…What the Hell?" Kazuma, Rin, and Jeanne say at the same time.